Mr Pickles (2013) s03e09 Episode Script
Tommy's Cartoon
1 Sir, Astronaut Dolphin Detective is doing space drugs! Lock that damn dolphin up! But, sir, he built a giant space bong and is now smoking our office! Whoa! Whoa! Despicable! Drug use on cartoons? Ugh! What are drugs, Dad? Drugs are bad, Tommy.
Hmm, whatever happened to good, old-fashioned, wholesome cartoons? Mr.
Pickles Good boy Dog People's best friend Die Pickles Mr.
Pickles! Here he comes There you are! Mr.
Pickles Good boy! S03E09 Tommy's Cartoon Bye, Mr.
Pickles! I go learn, now.
[PANTING.]
Now, the Earth is round and flat.
Both theories are equally valid.
Kids, listen up! I have a special guest here to teach you all about the dangers of Drugs! That's me, guys.
So don't do drugs and I'm-a to tell you why Skip ba badoo badow badoodoodoo Bang digidang gading dagong da doodly doo Rebabababow rabadoodidoodoo da Ringidang gadong gading gadong arangatang a vongana - Uh, Sheriff.
- Huh? Get to the part where you tell them why drugs are bad.
Oh, sorry.
I'm still working on the lyrics.
- Drugs aren't bad.
- Yeah! Haven't you see the cartoon "Astronaut Dolphin Detective"? - He makes drugs look fun! - Yeah! Like the episode where he did drugs and had sex with moon elves.
Or when he did drugs and beat the Martians to death with a pipe.
Or when he fingers the Tyrannosaurus parrot and then did drugs! - I want to do drugs.
- I want to do drugs, too.
Kids, just because you see something on TV doesn't mean you should do it.
Yeah! My dad says drugs are bad, too.
Huh? Why can't they make a cartoon that isn't about drugs? Yeah? Like what? Um, like a cartoon about a pineapple that wears a funny hat! [LAUGHTER.]
Say that again.
That was the dumbest idea ever.
Okay.
How about a cartoon about a pineapple that wears a funny hat! [LAUGHTER.]
The kids, they love his idea so, so do I.
- Jeffrey.
- Yeah? - Stop.
Stand.
Sit.
Fetch him.
- Okay! [WHIMPERING.]
Uh you wanted to see me? Your show, "Astronaut Dolphin Detective," is canceled.
What? But I just finished all these scripts.
- Jeffrey, stand.
Sit.
- Okay.
Now, roll over to prepare the jet! - Okay.
- Huh? You guys got a jet? You're finished in this town.
There's a new star, and his name is Tommy! Wait! Whoa! Whoa! Aw.
Now, children, there are all kinds of art.
[LAUGHS.]
Wee! Oh, man.
Tommy got "ADD" canceled.
- What? - Oh, no! - You're the worst! - You suck! - I did what? - Even this is art! Ah! Ah! Aah! Aah! Good job, Tommy! You've gotten a cartoon about drugs off the air! Tommy, my star, how would you like to make your cartoon about a pineapple that wears a funny hat, hmm? - Really? - Jeffrey, stand.
Speak.
Okay.
We'll set your studio up here.
Uh, you've got till 3 o'clock to finish before it airs.
Pick some friends to help you make the show, Tommy, and hurry up.
Time is money! Oh! - Pick me, Tommy! - Pick me, Tommy! Uh Jeffrey, hurry up with that equipment.
- I'm trying to - Bad assistant, stand.
Stop.
Sit.
Shake hands.
Now, get the equipment in there quick or no dinner for you.
Okay.
[WHINES, GROWLS.]
How about an episode where the pineapple that wears a funny hat hides in an alligator's butthole and does drugs? [LAUGHTER.]
No! No drugs! What else? Pineapple does drugs, and then he does more drugs! Pineapple doesn't do drugs.
- Well, what does he do? - He wears a funny hat! What if Pineapple's funny hat does drugs? - Ugh! - Wha? Where's the kid who got my show canceled?! - Him! He did it! - Uh Well, I just wanted to thank you.
- Huh? - Making cartoons is really hard, but now I have all this free time to do Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great.
Guys, we only have till 3 o'clock to finish, and we haven't come up with a story yet.
Oh! Ha ha! You just need some inspiration! Here, try some drugs! - Yay, drugs! - Cool, let's do drugs! No! Drugs are bad! Aah! My drugs! - Aw.
- Stupid Tommy! - Oh, you suck, Tommy! - Wait! There's always drugs on the bad side of town.
Come on, kids! Let's go do drugs! - Yay, drugs! - What? No! Mr.
Pickles, let's go get Sheriff! Ah.
And done.
What the Why, hey! Ah! What? Hi, Tommy's parents.
We work in TV.
Tommy is going to make a cartoon for us, hmm.
- What? - Absolutely not! The stuff I've seen on cartoons is despicable! Not even for $50? Fifty big ones? Oh, I-I think we can work something out.
Drugs! Hey, look, kids, some drug dealers! - Yay, drugs! - Hello there.
Me and these kids want to get some drugs.
Uh, okay, here.
Wait.
You need to give us money.
Uh, y-yeah, yeah.
You got some money? Uh, I'll pay you back tomorrow? - Uh - Okay.
- We trust you.
- Freeze! Geez, you guys are the worst drug dealers I've ever seen.
Doink! Come on, kids! Let's go do drugs! - Yay, drugs! - Oh, no! - Mr.
Pickles, stop them! - [BARKS.]
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you drug dealers are in big trouble! Oh, hey, that would be a good song lyric.
Here, hold this a sec.
Sorry to burst your bubble But you drug deal Huh? You let him get away with our d-drugs.
N-Now, you got to die.
You, uh, uh, and the kid.
Please, I have a cartoon to finish.
- Really? - Really? You need voice actors? I'm a leprechaun.
Now, I'm a robot.
Now Now, I'm a leprechaun again.
- You're amazing! - Really? Hey, look, I'm a f-farmer.
Eh, didn't seem believable.
Shut up, or I'll kill you, pig.
Now, that was a believable farmer.
You should hire these guys.
Come on, kids.
Let's do these drugs! Yum yum yum yum yum.
These drugs should kick in any sec.
Whoa-oa-oa! Hey, where'd he go? And sign here, here, here, here, here, here Jeffrey, hurry up.
Here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here.
Jeffrey, stand.
Sit.
Stand.
Sit.
Shake hands.
Now, give him the check.
Okay.
Wow, 50 big ones! Oh, boy! Wait.
So Tommy is making a cartoon? Yes.
Tommy had a brilliant idea about a pineapple that wears a funny hat.
Oh, wow.
Mr.
Pickles is dragging somebody into his doghouse.
Oh, you just missed him.
That dog is evil! Dad, stop with your crazy stories.
An evil dog? - Ooh.
- Please, go on.
Really? Well, Mr.
Pickles has a lair under his doghouse with a river of blood! He has three leather-wearing Steves that guard his lair.
One of them was my wife, but he shot her into outer space.
Did I mention the river of blood? All right.
The script is done.
Sheriff, you record the voices.
I'll animate.
Move it, people! We've only got an hour to finish the cartoon.
- Action.
- The hat I-is funny.
Cut.
Try it with more passion.
The hat I-is funny.
Good enough.
Action.
This is a funny hat.
Cut.
It's funnier if you emphasize funny.
One more note, and I'll show you what's fu-u-u-nny You, dead.
[LAUGHS.]
See, now, you're getting the hang of this.
What? Huh? Where am I? Whoa! These drugs are great.
Yum yum yum.
Ha ha! I can't believe what I'm seeing.
[LAUGHTER.]
Whoa, look at all the colors.
Let's go higher! Yum yum yum.
Higher! Yum yum yum.
[DING.]
Whoa! [LAUGHS.]
Whoa, it looks like my arms and legs are missing, cool! [DISTORTED.]
Whoa! Whoa.
It feels like my face is melting.
Yeah! Everybody, listen up.
Now I present to you a brand-new cartoon by our very own Tommy Goodman! - Way to go, Tommy! $50! - Yay, Tommy! I'm a pineapple.
Look at me walk.
Hey, pineap ple.
W-W-Want some drugs? Drugs are bad.
Oh.
We We will be nice now.
Also, the is hat is funny.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Want to wear my funny hat? Yeah.
[BOING!.]
This is a fu-u-u-nny hat.
[ALL LAUGH.]
W-We don't do drugs 'cause you told us the hat I-is funny.
Right.
And that is the end of this cartoon.
Cut.
Hey, this cartoon needs some theme music.
Sheriff, don't interrupt me.
Ugh, now, I have to start the cartoon over again.
I'm a pineapple.
Look at me walk.
- Boo! Boo! - This cartoon sucks! [GASPS.]
What are you doing? Our voices were great.
But Tommy's cartoon was terrible.
Now Now, you got to die.
If you think it's so easy, why don't you make your own cartoon? Perfect.
Tommy, you're fired.
You're hired.
- What? - Yay.
We won't sell drugs no more.
- Then, where will we get drugs? - Yeah! Aah! Argh! Drugs did this to me! Aah! And that's why drugs are bad.
Rababa baba badoodoodoo I'll never do drugs, no way.
Yeah, drugs are bad! Hooray! And authorities are still looking for a suspect in the murder of this TV executive.
It was an evil dog named Mr.
Pickles.
Ha ha! That's crazy.
In other news, this new TV executive's new show premieres right now.
Mr.
Pickles is an evil dog who has an underground lair with a river of b-blood.
That sounds crazy.
I would like to see See that.
- We are here.
- And I have a fun-funny hat.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Ugh.
Who would even watch this crap? Mr.
Pickles Good boy Dog People's best friend Die Pickles - Will.
- Hi, Dave.
Hmm, whatever happened to good, old-fashioned, wholesome cartoons? Mr.
Pickles Good boy Dog People's best friend Die Pickles Mr.
Pickles! Here he comes There you are! Mr.
Pickles Good boy! S03E09 Tommy's Cartoon Bye, Mr.
Pickles! I go learn, now.
[PANTING.]
Now, the Earth is round and flat.
Both theories are equally valid.
Kids, listen up! I have a special guest here to teach you all about the dangers of Drugs! That's me, guys.
So don't do drugs and I'm-a to tell you why Skip ba badoo badow badoodoodoo Bang digidang gading dagong da doodly doo Rebabababow rabadoodidoodoo da Ringidang gadong gading gadong arangatang a vongana - Uh, Sheriff.
- Huh? Get to the part where you tell them why drugs are bad.
Oh, sorry.
I'm still working on the lyrics.
- Drugs aren't bad.
- Yeah! Haven't you see the cartoon "Astronaut Dolphin Detective"? - He makes drugs look fun! - Yeah! Like the episode where he did drugs and had sex with moon elves.
Or when he did drugs and beat the Martians to death with a pipe.
Or when he fingers the Tyrannosaurus parrot and then did drugs! - I want to do drugs.
- I want to do drugs, too.
Kids, just because you see something on TV doesn't mean you should do it.
Yeah! My dad says drugs are bad, too.
Huh? Why can't they make a cartoon that isn't about drugs? Yeah? Like what? Um, like a cartoon about a pineapple that wears a funny hat! [LAUGHTER.]
Say that again.
That was the dumbest idea ever.
Okay.
How about a cartoon about a pineapple that wears a funny hat! [LAUGHTER.]
The kids, they love his idea so, so do I.
- Jeffrey.
- Yeah? - Stop.
Stand.
Sit.
Fetch him.
- Okay! [WHIMPERING.]
Uh you wanted to see me? Your show, "Astronaut Dolphin Detective," is canceled.
What? But I just finished all these scripts.
- Jeffrey, stand.
Sit.
- Okay.
Now, roll over to prepare the jet! - Okay.
- Huh? You guys got a jet? You're finished in this town.
There's a new star, and his name is Tommy! Wait! Whoa! Whoa! Aw.
Now, children, there are all kinds of art.
[LAUGHS.]
Wee! Oh, man.
Tommy got "ADD" canceled.
- What? - Oh, no! - You're the worst! - You suck! - I did what? - Even this is art! Ah! Ah! Aah! Aah! Good job, Tommy! You've gotten a cartoon about drugs off the air! Tommy, my star, how would you like to make your cartoon about a pineapple that wears a funny hat, hmm? - Really? - Jeffrey, stand.
Speak.
Okay.
We'll set your studio up here.
Uh, you've got till 3 o'clock to finish before it airs.
Pick some friends to help you make the show, Tommy, and hurry up.
Time is money! Oh! - Pick me, Tommy! - Pick me, Tommy! Uh Jeffrey, hurry up with that equipment.
- I'm trying to - Bad assistant, stand.
Stop.
Sit.
Shake hands.
Now, get the equipment in there quick or no dinner for you.
Okay.
[WHINES, GROWLS.]
How about an episode where the pineapple that wears a funny hat hides in an alligator's butthole and does drugs? [LAUGHTER.]
No! No drugs! What else? Pineapple does drugs, and then he does more drugs! Pineapple doesn't do drugs.
- Well, what does he do? - He wears a funny hat! What if Pineapple's funny hat does drugs? - Ugh! - Wha? Where's the kid who got my show canceled?! - Him! He did it! - Uh Well, I just wanted to thank you.
- Huh? - Making cartoons is really hard, but now I have all this free time to do Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great.
Guys, we only have till 3 o'clock to finish, and we haven't come up with a story yet.
Oh! Ha ha! You just need some inspiration! Here, try some drugs! - Yay, drugs! - Cool, let's do drugs! No! Drugs are bad! Aah! My drugs! - Aw.
- Stupid Tommy! - Oh, you suck, Tommy! - Wait! There's always drugs on the bad side of town.
Come on, kids! Let's go do drugs! - Yay, drugs! - What? No! Mr.
Pickles, let's go get Sheriff! Ah.
And done.
What the Why, hey! Ah! What? Hi, Tommy's parents.
We work in TV.
Tommy is going to make a cartoon for us, hmm.
- What? - Absolutely not! The stuff I've seen on cartoons is despicable! Not even for $50? Fifty big ones? Oh, I-I think we can work something out.
Drugs! Hey, look, kids, some drug dealers! - Yay, drugs! - Hello there.
Me and these kids want to get some drugs.
Uh, okay, here.
Wait.
You need to give us money.
Uh, y-yeah, yeah.
You got some money? Uh, I'll pay you back tomorrow? - Uh - Okay.
- We trust you.
- Freeze! Geez, you guys are the worst drug dealers I've ever seen.
Doink! Come on, kids! Let's go do drugs! - Yay, drugs! - Oh, no! - Mr.
Pickles, stop them! - [BARKS.]
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you drug dealers are in big trouble! Oh, hey, that would be a good song lyric.
Here, hold this a sec.
Sorry to burst your bubble But you drug deal Huh? You let him get away with our d-drugs.
N-Now, you got to die.
You, uh, uh, and the kid.
Please, I have a cartoon to finish.
- Really? - Really? You need voice actors? I'm a leprechaun.
Now, I'm a robot.
Now Now, I'm a leprechaun again.
- You're amazing! - Really? Hey, look, I'm a f-farmer.
Eh, didn't seem believable.
Shut up, or I'll kill you, pig.
Now, that was a believable farmer.
You should hire these guys.
Come on, kids.
Let's do these drugs! Yum yum yum yum yum.
These drugs should kick in any sec.
Whoa-oa-oa! Hey, where'd he go? And sign here, here, here, here, here, here Jeffrey, hurry up.
Here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here.
Jeffrey, stand.
Sit.
Stand.
Sit.
Shake hands.
Now, give him the check.
Okay.
Wow, 50 big ones! Oh, boy! Wait.
So Tommy is making a cartoon? Yes.
Tommy had a brilliant idea about a pineapple that wears a funny hat.
Oh, wow.
Mr.
Pickles is dragging somebody into his doghouse.
Oh, you just missed him.
That dog is evil! Dad, stop with your crazy stories.
An evil dog? - Ooh.
- Please, go on.
Really? Well, Mr.
Pickles has a lair under his doghouse with a river of blood! He has three leather-wearing Steves that guard his lair.
One of them was my wife, but he shot her into outer space.
Did I mention the river of blood? All right.
The script is done.
Sheriff, you record the voices.
I'll animate.
Move it, people! We've only got an hour to finish the cartoon.
- Action.
- The hat I-is funny.
Cut.
Try it with more passion.
The hat I-is funny.
Good enough.
Action.
This is a funny hat.
Cut.
It's funnier if you emphasize funny.
One more note, and I'll show you what's fu-u-u-nny You, dead.
[LAUGHS.]
See, now, you're getting the hang of this.
What? Huh? Where am I? Whoa! These drugs are great.
Yum yum yum.
Ha ha! I can't believe what I'm seeing.
[LAUGHTER.]
Whoa, look at all the colors.
Let's go higher! Yum yum yum.
Higher! Yum yum yum.
[DING.]
Whoa! [LAUGHS.]
Whoa, it looks like my arms and legs are missing, cool! [DISTORTED.]
Whoa! Whoa.
It feels like my face is melting.
Yeah! Everybody, listen up.
Now I present to you a brand-new cartoon by our very own Tommy Goodman! - Way to go, Tommy! $50! - Yay, Tommy! I'm a pineapple.
Look at me walk.
Hey, pineap ple.
W-W-Want some drugs? Drugs are bad.
Oh.
We We will be nice now.
Also, the is hat is funny.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Want to wear my funny hat? Yeah.
[BOING!.]
This is a fu-u-u-nny hat.
[ALL LAUGH.]
W-We don't do drugs 'cause you told us the hat I-is funny.
Right.
And that is the end of this cartoon.
Cut.
Hey, this cartoon needs some theme music.
Sheriff, don't interrupt me.
Ugh, now, I have to start the cartoon over again.
I'm a pineapple.
Look at me walk.
- Boo! Boo! - This cartoon sucks! [GASPS.]
What are you doing? Our voices were great.
But Tommy's cartoon was terrible.
Now Now, you got to die.
If you think it's so easy, why don't you make your own cartoon? Perfect.
Tommy, you're fired.
You're hired.
- What? - Yay.
We won't sell drugs no more.
- Then, where will we get drugs? - Yeah! Aah! Argh! Drugs did this to me! Aah! And that's why drugs are bad.
Rababa baba badoodoodoo I'll never do drugs, no way.
Yeah, drugs are bad! Hooray! And authorities are still looking for a suspect in the murder of this TV executive.
It was an evil dog named Mr.
Pickles.
Ha ha! That's crazy.
In other news, this new TV executive's new show premieres right now.
Mr.
Pickles is an evil dog who has an underground lair with a river of b-blood.
That sounds crazy.
I would like to see See that.
- We are here.
- And I have a fun-funny hat.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Ugh.
Who would even watch this crap? Mr.
Pickles Good boy Dog People's best friend Die Pickles - Will.
- Hi, Dave.