Ramy (2019) s03e09 Episode Script

Okay, I hurt that guy bad,
man, and the worst part
about it is Boomer, fuck.
- Boomer?
- Remember I told you
about Boomer, my dog, man?
She's locked up in my car.
She's been there for two days.
If she doesn't make it, man,
if something happens to her,
I'm gonna go fucking crazy, man.
I'm not gonna make it out of here.
She's in your car right now?
We'll find your dog, brother.
- It's okay.
- Yeah.
This is it.
It's clear you're not ready
to make this commitment.
I want Boomer to be your teacher.
I want you to learn from this dog.
If you can become more like this dog,
I think you'd be on the path.
Hi.
- Frank?
- Yeah.
I can't believe it.
All the way from Cairo?
Well, yeah, I jumped on the first flight
after reviewing what you said.
Amazing, brother. Amazing.
I wish you would've told me.
- I would've got you a ticket.
- Thank you.
We'll reimburse you soon, of course.
- That's okay.
- Come in. Come in.
When I found your business card
in my grocery bag, I thought,
"Who is this old man
trying to insert himself
between me and my corn flakes?
And then when I found
out you were Egyptian
I knew you could help my company.
- I am Egyptian.
- Did you know
that Egypt has the largest
untapped solar potential
on planet Earth?
Of course.
But I really didn't know that.
Because Big Sun did
not want you to know.
"Big Sun"?
The solar companies,
the multinationals that are
spending millions every year
to make sure that people
like you and I don't have all the facts.
- Yeah, like Big Pharma.
- Exactly!
Guys like Elon, they're bought out.
They're fakers.
They just want to be stars.
The only star that I
care about is the sun.
I hate this fucker.
Why don't I show you the product?
- Please.
- Let's go.
So what's proprietary about this, Simon?
Well, friend, what could be
more proprietary than the sun?
Yeah.
It's the perfect size.
You can put one of these
on the top of any car
- and power it up.
- No way.
You have a car that operates with this?
Can I see it?
No, it's in the garage,
and, you know, there's
no sunlight in there.
Let's start with something small.
- What kind of phone do you have?
- I got an iPhone.
- Great.
- Okay.
What we do is plug this in
and watch the power of the sun
work its magic.
It must be because it's cloudy.
How was Egypt?
And your new solar company?
Good.
Would you like some tea?
I'd love that.
What's that?
PrEP.
What's it for, breb?
It's like pre-per I don't know.
- It's PrEP.
- Stop saying it.
Breb, breb, breb, breb you
sound like a fucking idiot.
I I I see the ad,
but, uh, I don't look for too long.
- What's it for?
- It's HIV medication.
What? Wha wha what?
- What you have AIDS?
- I I don't have AIDS.
It's to prevent HIV.
You you don't take the COVID
vaccine because you have COVID.
You don't take the COVID
vaccine because there are not
not enough clinical trials,
and and and and we don't
- know the side effects!
- You're not vaccinated?
You have AIDS! You have AIDS, okay?
I'm not taking medical advice from you.
- Now I have AIDS!
- I don't have AIDS.
How the fuck are you gay
and don't know what PrEP is?
I'm not gay!
Look, okay, I'm not like you, okay?
I not wake up one morning and say,
"Oh, it's a new millennium now!
Yay! I'm gay!" You know?
Okay, come on, that was pretty gay.
I'm not and I don't seem gay, okay?
So, if anyone knows, it's
because you told them!
You know the video that
you made, the commercial?
- Mm-hmm.
- Gayest thing I've ever seen.
- Have you seen the comments?
- What the comments?
- What wha What
- Why does this matter?
You need to love yourself.
Fuck you! I wasn't born 2007.
How old do you think I am?
All right, yeah, you're not.
Yeah, I'm not gay either.
Like, I'm out, man. This
is this is too much.
I'm not I'm not dealing with you,
and just for the record,
neither of us have AIDS.
I'm gonna leave a bad review on the app!
Fucking comments
"We stan the beefy queen"? This fuck.
"Crown me, Baba"?
Why not make it worth it?
It's one before the next.
It's one before the next.
We're only here for a while.
Why not make it worth it?
I'm a fucking meme, a fucking meme.
Fucking kill him.
What did he post about me?
No.
No, no, no, no. No, no.
No.
It's Dena I am busy right now,
but I'll get back to you
as soon as I can, thanks.
Fuck.
It's Dena. I
- Dude.
- I'm sorry.
- I I didn't see you.
- It's okay. It's all right.
I wasn't trying to touch you.
All right, man, take it
easy it's all good.
Hey, I'm looking for your sister.
Do you know where she
is? I need to talk to her.
- No.
- Look, Ramy, I'm serious.
I need I need I need to find her.
- Where is she?
- Why?
- Wha what's wrong?
- Nothing wrong,
Just I'm looking for Dena.
Where where just
Wh why are you looking at me? Why?
Nothing's wrong. Why?
Why you ask me? Why?
You think something Why you ask me?
Okay? I don't understand, okay?
I come here, I see you
crying like a little girl,
and I'm concerned.
I'm your uncle and, "Hey, you okay?"
Now you make it about
me? It's not about me.
It's about you. I am
fine. I am just perfect.
I am, like, very good, okay?
I'm normal, regular,
nothing wrong here, okay?
- Okay, okay.
- Yeah, okay, good.
You yeah, okay, you seem okay.
- What are you looking at?
- Hmm? No.
You keep looking.
What what's going on?
I'm being followed.
Okay, yeah.
What's wrong with you?
Why your face look like this?
Oh, you're depressed because
you make a lot of money now?
My my dog died.
Oh, I thought you
lost it in the divorce.
Dogs are haram anyway.
You're gonna tell me
where Dena is or not?
Look, she's probably at the house, okay?
My dad just got back from Egypt.
We're gonna get dinner
later tonight, okay?
Oh, New Jersey, okay.
Say that just it's no big deal.
I just want to say I
appreciate this group a lot.
I come from a faith
where there is no place
for this kind of conversation.
I'm Sikh.
Hey, we're all sick, brother.
No, man. I mean my religion.
I'm a Sikh.
Uh, I love Gandhi and
philosophy and deep shit.
No cross talk. No cross talk.
In my faith, we're told lust
is one of the panj chors,
the five thieves that lead us astray.
It's a choice we make over God.
I've made that choice every day,
sometimes even a few times a day.
There were times it got to be too much.
I told myself, "Hey, at least
I'm not one of those guys
"that cuts a hole in his pocket
so he can do it in the subway
or the doctor's office
without anyone seeing."
I still felt so much shame.
Sometimes
I pay for sex.
I meet a new girl. I
book a hotel, and we
And then she leaves.
I wonder, "Does she feel the same guilt?
She seems fine, very chill."
I grew angry at my faith, but
I can't just take this off.
That's not possible.
It's my ritual,
something that shows
me how my day will go.
Every day
I tie it so carefully,
wrapping it layer by layer on my head.
Sometimes it's beautiful
on the first try.
Other times
it isn't.
This sex stuff in a way,
it's kind of a ritual, too, no?
At least
when I'm done with this,
my hands aren't shaking.
Thank you.
Thanks for that.
Now
Most of us have spoke.
Is there anyone left
who'd like to share?
Uh, yeah.
Fantastic.
Go ahead.
Um
Yeah, I-I think I, um
I think I've I think
I've hurt a lot of people
Like my friends
Family. Like, I had a
I was mar I was married for a
Pretty short amount of time.
And I, uh
I don't I I I guess
I don't I don't really think
I even know who I am anymore.
I-I used to
try not to think about who I was.
I just wanted to think
about who I wanted to be.
Like, I wanted to be
this really good person.
You know, I grew up religious,
and I just wanted to be a good person,
and and I did everything to do that,
but it was like everything.
Every time I tried to be good,
I was just I was just worse,
'cause I was never me.
I was just trying to be who I
thought I was supposed to be,
and now I'm
I'm pro I'm probably a bad person.
I-I
But I don't know. I don't
know if it's because I-I
I don't know if I'm
bad just because I
U-used to believe in
in in wanting to be good.
You know, like, I There's no
Like, I would go to the mosque,
and I and I'd try to
I-I-I-I'd try to tell them
wh what I was going through,
and they'd look at me like
I was, like, fucking insane.
Like, they they'd look
at me, like and I'm like,
"I thought I was supposed to
come here to say something,"
and they don't want to hear it.
They just want to hear
what they want to hear,
and then I found somebody.
There was a I found a
teacher that I-I actually
I gave him everything.
I I-I did what he wanted me to do,
and that didn't
that didn't work either.
So I don't know.
I don't think that,
like, it it even
A-and then I look at my parents,
and, like, they're not even
They're not even happy.
I used to think my parents
were happy, but they're
they're not.
They're fucking miserable.
Like, everyone in my family is
fucking
miserable.
And I was doing what they told me to do.
I was try I was
I wanted to be like them.
I wanted to be like them.
I-I looked I looked
at what they were Like, you're a kid.
You just want to be like
them, and I and I thought
I thought that they
that they were right,
but they were they
were fucking wrong.
And now I'm like,
"Yo, they're they
they might be fucking crazy."
You know, like, you grow up,
and you think you're normal, actually.
You think what you're doing is normal.
You think everything that's
happening i-is normal,
and then it's, like,
every year that goes by,
I look at them, I'm like,
"Yo, these people are fucking insane."
They're fucking crazy, and
now I'm fucking crazy, too,
'cause I'm just like them!
And now it feels like
everything's my fault.
Like, it's it's it's
I-I fucked up fucking everything.
Like like, I
like, I fucked up Palestine, you know?
Like, that's on me.
That's what it feels like.
It feels like I fucked up Palestine.
And it's like
I feel like religion
just is making it worse
'Cause I look at my
parents, and it's like
they say they believe
in God, but I don't
I think they're just
fucking anxious about God.
And I am, too, and it
just pushes me to do
all this fucking shit,
and and and now I have
a fu I have a problem.
My my problem
I-I ki My problem killed my dog.
What?
No, I-I didn't I didn't fuck my dog.
Thank God.
Fucking unlocked?
Dena!
Dena!
- Whe where's the Dena?
- She went out.
- We're meeting her for dinner.
- Huh?
Typical. Useless.
Are you holding the doorbell?
Did you put a blanket on the TV?
Is that for Boomer?
Is this your way of telling us
Okay? Because dog.
I cover the TV because
they're watching us.
It's full of cameras.
We should stay home
and and wait for Dena.
Naseem, if there are cameras in the TV,
why would we stay here?
We're going to Peking Palace.
Why Chinese food?
I don't think Peking
Palace is doing anything
- to the Uyghurs, okay?
- You don't know them.
We we don't know
who's gonna be there.
Your husband just come
back from a long trip.
You should be a good wife
and cook him a nice meal.
That is what he wants.
No, I want to go to Peking Palace.
And I'm not cooking, okay?
You don't have to come, but we're going.
Let's go.
Mmm.
This is good, no?
Who are you texting?
Um, my friends.
Which friend?
Is it your friend from the law school?
Did you get your bar score yet?
It's It's gonna take a while.
She always does well.
Dena knows everything, doesn't she?
Uh, I don't know how I did yet.
Um, well, um, what
what what do you know?
- What?
- What do you know?
What do you know?
- Is everything okay?
- Okay?
Are you okay with what is
happening in the Uyghur camps?
What I'm sorry?
The Muslims you enslave
to to make your iPhones!
- Oh, shit.
- Naseem! Stop.
I'm sorry.
Um, he thinks you're responsible
because this food is so authentic,
so he thinks we're in China.
Thank you for the real
Oriental experience.
- I'll go get the check.
- Thank you very much,
- mademoiselle.
- Thank you.
- What were you saying?
- What?
Thank you. All right.
Come here, baby.
I'm gonna eat you in my belly.
What the fuck are you saying?
I'm bigger than you.
I'm higher on the food
chain. Get in my belly!
Fat Bastard, Austin Powers.
Austin Powers
I don't know it. It it sounds gay.
Okay
Austin Powers, the classic cinema.
What did you do?
- Oh, Ram.
- Yo.
I, uh, had a meeting.
Um, I'm not hungry, though. It's okay.
Habibi, try the eggrolls.
They are so good.
No, here.
Give him that one. Try it.
Thanks.
Try.
Authentic, right?
Thank you for dining at Peking Palace.
Thank you.
Thank you for hosting us.
Dad, it's okay. I-I got it.
Ramy
You came late
And you didn't eat.
You know what? I'll just pay for it,
just like I pay for everything else.
Halas.
This is my family. This is my dinner.
I'm paying this.
Don't embarrass yourself, okay?
You don't have to pay.
Guys, we both know who's gonna end up
paying for it, all right?
So let me just fucking do it.
We are not your guys.
Don't forget, Ramy, we are your elders.
- Ah, okay.
- We are guys, okay?
Right? We're we're not feminine.
I have an idea. We can split it.
No!
No, we're not gonna split
it. Just let me fuck
Stop it.
I got it. It's in my hand.
- It's in my hand.
- Open your hand.
- It's in my hand.
- Open his hand.
It's in my hand.
Fat Bastard.
Like, this is really extra.
- Oh, shit!
- Naseem, put it down!
I fucking kill you!
Do it. Do it.
Shoot me. Shoot me.
- Naseem!
- Shoot me.
- Put it down!
- No.
No, go ahead. Do it.
Shoot me. Fucking do it.
Naseem!
Dena
I need you outside, now!
I need to talk to you.
Am I, like, a hostage right now?
Outside, now!
Go. Go.
You are good at talking. Go talk to him.
- Go.
- Mom, he has a gun.
Yes, but he always has a gun. So go.
Therapy.
Go!
Be careful.
I don't know what he told you.
But whatever he told you, it's wrong.
- What are you talking about?
- Azam, your friend.
Yeah?
I saw on Instagram!
He's a liar.
He told everyone.
We
We didn't do anything.
We didn't even have sex.
Wait, Uncle Naseem, what are you saying?
He was my sugar baby!
That's it.
I wa I was just
helping him out, okay?
I gave him a little bit of sugar.
I wish someone gave me
sugar when I was younger.
I came to this country,
and everyone treated me like shit.
It was just some sugar.
- So are you
- I'm not!
No, I'm not.
Huh.
You don't have to be
anything you don't want to be.
I live a good life.
I work hard.
I even paid all of my
taxes up until 2014.
But it doesn't stop! It doesn't stop!
It fucks everything. I don't understand.
It pesters inside me.
I don't know what it is.
It it's not me.
It's not me, but it control all of me!
Yeah.
I didn't take the bar.
The the test that
you've been studying for?
Yeah.
I got scared or pissed.
I don't even know. I
ju I just felt trapped.
And I didn't take it.
This is a sign from Allah
for you to follow your destiny.
You were meant to be
a wife and a mother.
- I don't think it's that.
- No, it is.
Uh
Hey, Dennis.
- Sorry, what?
- 4:86, akhi.
You must respond with alaikum al-salaam.
Yeah, alaikum al-salaam.
Right hand.
Brother, right hand for food and drink,
left for wiping.
Yeah.
Uh, okay.
Such a baraka to see you again.
Yeah, y-you too. You
really you look different.
Prison's been good to me.
I've been taken in by the brotherhood.
- The Muslim brotherhood?
- Not that brotherhood.
But we are a brotherhood of Muslims
for sure.
Right.
Yeah, sorry, you just
you really changed.
No, see, I don't like
that word "change."
Nah, I call it "growth."
You know what? Did Zainab
and the sheikh send you?
They're good people, but Astaghfirullah.
I can't do it, Ramy.
I can't deal with their
Sufi tongues no more.
I won't. I won't. I can't. I've stopped.
No, they they didn't. I, um
Look, I-I, uh, wanted
you to know, um
Y-you asked me to take care
of Boomer, a-and I have been.
But she, uh
She passed away, and I
I just thought that you should know.
- I'm really sorry, man
- Akhi
dogs are haram.
What? You're
you're you're
not you're not upset?
When I had her, I was a sinner.
It's bid'ah.
Hamdulilah, she's with the Creator.
- This is Boomer this is
- Alhamdulilah.
Alhamdulilah.
How's it going with you, you know?
What's going on with
Zainab and the little one?
W-what?
Look, I know you got divorced.
I mean, it's the most hated
thing permissible by God,
but I know you have your reasons.
It's a bit like managing a broken home.
Yeah, well, what'd you you
said Zainab and and who?
Oh, the gir the
little one, your girl.
My my girl?
La Hawla wala quwatta.
The the the girl,
the little one, your baby.
The
- My
- Your baby, Ramy.
Your baby, your daughter, Ramy.
Zainab's come by with her a few times.
Mashallah, she's got your smile.
Look-it, I keep looking at this.
This photo, man, she
looks just like you.
Look at this. Adorable, look-it.
She even has your
hair, huh? Look at that.
Ah, I don't want to bore you with this.
I know you must have that photo.
You probably look at that all the time.
We're allowed to have
five photos in here.
I got this one.
I got this one of my mom right here.
See that? Look-it, that's my mom.
And then I got this
meme, Sheikh James Harden.
This really makes me laugh, akhi.
Halal comedy.
Only engage in halal comedy.
Yeah, halal comedy.
Visiting hours are over.
Please return to your cells.
Till the next time, inshallah.
Salaam alaikum, brother.