The Awesomes (2013) s03e09 Episode Script

Previously on The Awesomes: Mr.
Awesome is running for president? And that's why I'd like you to be my new campaign manager.
That would be amazing, I would love to.
I'm going to give you information.
I'm going to let you decide if you're going to look at it or if you're going to be a good son and return it to him.
- Did you look at this? - No.
That's good, son.
I can't tell you how much your trust means to me.
Awesomes, I've come to warn you.
Mr.
Awesome is evil, he must be stopped.
[glass shatters.]
Oh, my God, it's the guy from that alien jam band! Dad? You're alive.
[music.]
Yes, I'm alive.
And even better than that, I'm not evil anymore.
On the downside, Mr.
Awesome is evil now and if we're being honest that's worse than me being evil due to him being the world's most powerful superhero.
[chuckles.]
But before I can continue with all that, can I just say how impressed I am with how you're all taking this? I'd just assumed [grunts.]
- Get him! - Wait! This reaction is more than fair considering how I was acting last time everyone saw me.
But, Katherine, you have to believe me.
Besides if I was evil, wouldn't I be using my mind control? [grunts.]
And if I'm right and Mr.
Awesome is evil, the sooner people know, the better chance we have of stopping him.
[supersonic impact.]
Stop; I can't believe it.
Can no one have the decency to stay dead? Although I should be careful what I say, I thought Hotwire was dead and I was super happy when she came back.
You can't be cool with something when it breaks your way and then against it when it doesn't.
The important thing is I'm gonna catch Malocchio, which is going to blow Dad's mind.
This on top of being his campaign manager makes for one hell of a month in regards to father/son relations.
Let's do this, start.
[all grunting.]
- Hey! - I've got him! - Me too! - We need light! Stop wriggling and accept your fate.
If one of you thinks there's even a tiny chance that it is your hand currently up my butt, please retract it! Whoa.
He got away, y'all.
Wait, I got him.
Oh, you're not Malocchio.
Also, I think it might be my hand up your butt.
Retract it! [title music.]
This feels awesome This feels awesome Yeah, this feels awesome Yeah, well, this feels awesome This feels awesome This feels awesome This feels so awesome Well, election day is here, and a race that was once neck and crazy-thick superhero neck in the polls now looks like a blowout.
After a series of missteps early in the campaign, Mr.
Awesome brought on his genius son, whose deft management of his father's campaign has won praise from both sides of the aisle.
That boy might look like he was weaned on a corncob, but he is as bright as a grease fire on the ninth of July.
Mr.
Awesome has been humble despite the good poll numbers.
If the good people of this great nation choose to vote for me, well, that would be the greatest honor of my life.
Now, once we win the election, I'm going to want to enslave humanity as soon as possible.
Are the mercenaries armed and ready? - Yes, sir.
- Good, very good.
If I may ask, why don't we just enslave humanity now? I'd love to get going on some new pyramids.
Why bother with the election? Let's just say there's something I need that I can only get as president.
Now, will we see any superhero resistance once I reveal my true plan? Based on secret discussions, most teams will fall in line.
But others will be defeated quickly.
Should we be worried about the Awesomes For Hire? [laughing.]
All jokes aside though, what about Perfect Man? I mean, he's never really gelled with this new team, you know, which is ironic, you know, for someone who uses so much hair gel.
I don't even think he knows our names.
- He keeps calling me Pigeon Guy.
- He calls me The Mummy.
He did call me Rocket Boobs once, but I think he was just describing me.
His heart still seems to be with the old gang.
Hm, that could be problematic.
He's the only hero strong enough to potentially stop me.
Where is he now? Oh, he's out skipping rocks on the pier.
I think he's having some sort of identity crisis.
[music.]
Hm.
I need to tell my dad Malocchio is back.
- Prock, no.
- Why not? What if my dad is right? What if Mr.
Awesome has been turned evil? Hotwire, are you kidding me? You think my dad's evil? It's an old-fashioned dad versus dad showdown.
I mean, we all agree he's been acting strange - ever since he came back.
- I've known him for a long time, and something is definitely off.
Yeah, he gives me a skeevy vibe, and that should be valued because I'm an excellent judge of character.
I was so excited to meet him.
And it has been a total letdown.
A real Whaley situation for me.
- A real Humanu situation for me.
- Hey! Well, as his son, I'm happy to report that I think he's never been nicer.
- Right.
- "Right" what? I mean, if there's anything that proves something is wrong with your father, it's that.
I've seen the two of you interact my whole life and I've never seen him be this nice to you.
Are you saying the fact that my dad is being nice - to me proves he's evil? - That is what I was saying, but now that I see how sad it's making you, I'm going to try to pretend that I was saying something else, but I can't, uh, come up with, uh, anything.
Uh, sorry, buddy.
All I'm saying is we should find my dad first and figure out if he's telling the truth.
- Then we tell your dad.
- I'm sorry, but I can't lie to my father.
And besides, what makes you think this is the right group to find anyone? I don't know if any of you have been paying attention, - but we're second rate heroes.
- Second rate? That's two rates better than the meat we used to eat as kids.
Do whatever you want, but I have a campaign to run.
And Hotwire, I'm not stupid.
I know it was you that blew the lights.
[music.]
[repeated splashes.]
How can someone be perfect if they don't even know who they really are? That was good.
Maybe my father was a poet.
Hey, Mr.
Awesome, were there any famous poets who could fly and shoot lasers out of their eyes? Not that I know of.
I can't help noticing that you look out of sorts, Perfect Man.
I'm sorry, Mr.
A.
I don't want to let you down.
It's just I I haven't been myself lately.
It happens to all of us.
In fact, I know just what you need.
It's where I go to relax and unplug.
Wow, what is it? It's a stress reduction pod.
I designed it for myself, but it would work for you since we have the same powers.
I don't know, it's election day.
Don't you need me to knock down doors? On election day, you knock on doors.
You don't knock them down.
Well, I was definitely gonna do that wrong.
Perfect Man, what I need most is for you to be happy and healthy.
Jump on in.
Ah, this is nice.
And at the same time a little claustrophobic.
Kind of like a really small elevator or a tiny prison cell.
Oh, you know what it reminds me of, one of those pods where you freeze a person you're trying to get rid of, like a bad guy, or a bad guy would use it to freeze a good guy.
Why, that's exactly what it is, Perfect Man.
But no! So he just got in without a struggle? He's gonna regret that when he's unfrozen.
Oh, that's years away.
I'm sorry, but could someone throw a towel over the window? His face is kind of freaking me out.
I think it's because he's about to sneeze.
[sneezes.]
- Bless you.
- Thanks, Mr.
Oh no.
Oh, dammit.
Now what do we do? Well, we have an hour to kill before dinner.
- Want to see what's on the DVR? - No, I mean about Dr.
Malocchio.
We have to find him before Mr.
Awesome does.
Find him so you can let him get away again? I did blow the lights, I'll admit to that, and if my father is lying, you can throw me in jail.
Pardon me if I don't trust you having my back if we meet up with Malocchio again.
- Agreed, which is why I'm not going.
- Where are you going? Awesome Mountain to see if I can dig up any dirt.
We've all been suspicious of Mr.
Awesome long enough.
Let's find proof.
Good luck getting in that place.
It's a fortress.
- I bet you could get me in.
- Good luck finding anyone who would take that bet because of course I can.
It seems like you can't go to a feminist poetry reading anymore without coming home to find your house destroyed.
Ah, this reminds me of the poem, "A House Destroyed" by Janice of St.
Joan.
"A house destroyed.
My uterus aches.
It longs for a time when houses weren't destroyed" Jeffrey! I assume we're going to get this cleaned up.
The fate of the world is at stake.
I said, "I assume we're going to get this cleaned up.
" [all.]
Yes, Doctor Stein-Awesome-Kaplan.
Okay, so find him, you guys.
- Clean up first, but then find him.
- Where do we even start? - He could be anywhere.
- I know exactly where he'll be.
Ghost husband? It's about time you showed up.
I hope you're here to protect me and not haunt me, but either way it will be fun to have a spooky spirit around.
Okay, I am not a ghost, I'm alive and I need your help.
Well, let's make sweet ghost love first and then we can discuss all of that later.
Let's get you out of that sheet and into my sheets.
I'm not wearing a sheet because I'm not a ghost.
Aren't you concerned about me being evil? Again, this is all for post-ghost love discussion.
You must be thirsty.
Let me check if I have any ectoplasm.
Men in their 20s, women in their 40s, Asians, cyborgs, we have a double-digit lead among every demographic group except Latino women 75 and older.
They think he looks like a bad guy in a telenovela.
Eso no es bueno.
I think you can relax, Prock.
We've got this thing won.
- Hello, everyone.
- Hey, Dad.
And I never relax.
That's why we're winning.
If you need to relax, you should check out our relaxation pods, perfect for [slap, neighs.]
Where is Perfect Man, by the way? I asked him to knock on doors and I wanted to clarify that I didn't mean knock down doors.
- Don't overthink it.
- Don't overthink it? Overthinking it's kind of my thing.
I'm so proud of you, son.
This whole campaign, you and I working side by side.
It's like the good old days.
- The good old days? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I heard you stopped by earlier to see me.
- You said you had some important news.
- Um I mean, we all agree he's been acting strange ever since he came back.
I've known him for a long time and something is definitely off.
I've seen the two of you interact my whole life and I've never seen him be this nice to you.
It was nothing.
I, um, I just wanted to run some polling numbers.
Great, in that case, I'm gonna head back to the Mountain and make sure everything is set for the party tonight.
If we win, that is.
[laughs.]
[phone chimes.]
_ That was wonderful.
Thank you, my wife.
Thank you, ghost husband.
I so miss your sweet, sweet touch.
Again, not a ghost, fully alive.
I know, I am just making jokes to add levity.
I know that ghosts love humor.
How is Malocchio, Jr.
, by the way? Still a mild mannered accountant? He took the serum you left him in your will.
It made him evil and he tried to kill The Awesomes.
- Now he is in prison for life.
- Oh, boy, acorn in the tree, am I right? But we're hoping he gets on the next season of Serial.
Did you by any chance keep any of my clothes? As much as I was in the time you were gone, - your closet is untouched.
- Oh, good.
What is that? You found my papier-mâché cuddle buddy.
You mean this is it's very realistic.
I made it in my arts and crafts class that I am taking to help deal with grief and such things.
Glinda, I must ask you a question.
All these years I was in prison and then trying to take over the world and then missing and presumed dead, - how can you still believe in me? - Because I love you, Giuseppe.
Our love is stronger than good or evil.
[doorbell.]
- Pork is here! - Pork? You order Chinese? [music.]
Coast is clear, go now.
This drone is amazing, Concierge.
It's just a prototype I'm messing around with, but it is amazing.
Let me take a look.
[whirrrs.]
I can't wait for this election to be over.
I didn't sign up for this job to write policy papers on the environment.
For what it's worth, they were pretty good policy papers.
Thank you.
That means the world.
Two coming your way.
Let me open the schematics.
There's an air duct 50 feet behind you.
[laughing.]
Did you read Centaur's policy paper? [laughing.]
It was bad.
I mean, is his super power proposing impractical reforms? Hey, what is his superpower anyway? Nice work, now which way to Mr.
Awesome's office? Hello, daughter's soon-to-be baby daddy.
We should probably come up with something - better to call me than that.
- How about Harold? That's a pretty name for a pretty boy.
Take a seat at the table.
Katherine ran out to the store to get some sugar for me for a thing I am baking, I think made of sugar and other ingredients.
Don't be suspicious about that.
Take a seat at the table, Harold.
I can't stay long, it's election night.
- How did you do that? - I have "tele-kina-ses.
" Telekinesis? How come I've never seen you use it before.
I usually like things where they are.
But don't be suspicious, I put chains on you.
I'll be honest, it's getting very hard not to be suspicious.
Apologies, Prock, but I didn't know how else to talk to you.
Don't be suspicious that Dr.
Malocchio just walked in.
I don't think you know what suspicious means.
Sure I do.
It means don't walk under ladders.
It's seven years of bad luck if you break a mirror.
Say whatever you want, Malocchio, nothing's ever gonna change my mind.
You are evil and once my father finds out you're back, it's game over.
Why doesn't he already know, hm? You've had hours to tell him and yet you haven't.
Admit it, Prock, you have your doubts.
I mean, yes, he's acting strange, but I can't figure it out.
If he's evil, why is he running for president? He already has the power to do whatever he wants without winning some dumb election that I have managed perfectly and political scientists will be discussing for generations to come.
That's what I thought.
But then I remembered, there is one reason he would need to win an election.
The Destroyo Bullet.
- The Destroyo Bullet.
- The Destroyo Bullet.
What's the Destroyo Bullet? When we were young, Mr.
Awesome's greatest fear was someone turning him evil.
He needed to develop something strong enough to stop him, so he and I went to the lab and built the Destroyo Bullet, made from rare materials collected across the planet and galaxy.
[music.]
This one solitary bullet rests in a location accessible only to The president.
He's running for president so he can get the bullet, and once he's done that, he's unstoppable.
- So what do we do? - I've put a lot of thought into this.
You're his campaign manager, so you simply have to come up with a clever way to sabotage your father that will lead voters to turn away from him as the election approaches.
And as his popularity begins to wane In an outcome unprecedented in election history, all three major networks are calling the presidential race for Mr.
Awesome.
Well, a thousand dangits to that! And I forgot to vote again.
I wanted to vote on proposition six.
School funding is very important to me.
It's okay, we can figure out how to stop him.
Could you unchain me? - Ghost husband? - Yes, yes.
- Ghost husband? - It's like a pet name.
Yes, if your pet is your husband and he is a ghost.
Now, tell me everything that happened in space - with you and my dad.
- Well, I woke up on the satellite and then he shoved me into space so I could return to Earth and warn the world that he was evil.
and that's how we recorded the live album on Planet Zontar.
Okay, I I didn't need to hear that last 10 minutes.
I'm sorry, traveling with that band was a formative time in my adult life.
So if your blood made Mr.
Awesome evil, why don't we just do a reverse transfusion now that you're good? The transfusion only worked with Mr.
Awesome because his blood is so powerful.
But now that his blood is tainted, mine would never be strong enough to stop him from being evil.
I'm sorry.
[music.]
Oh no, ghost husband! Ow! Everybody, relax, I'm okay.
But the bad news is Dr.
Malocchio is right.
My dad is evil.
[gasps.]
And he just got elected president thanks to my brilliant campaign management, which isn't what we should be focusing on now, but later when this is all taken care of, I do hope we take at least one moment to appreciate my hard work on that.
And that's not all I was wrong about.
We're not a second rate group of heroes.
- Aw, that's the best rate I'd ever been.
- We're first rate.
[gasps.]
Don't mess with me, Prock.
In fact, we're the only heroes who can stop my dad.
- I'm sorry I punched you twice today.
- It happens.
- Glinda! - Sorry! How did you know where to find me? I remembered that back when you were good and you used to help out The Awesomes, the first thing you would do after every mission - was to run home to see your wife.
- Ah, that's so sweet.
You always talked about how excited you were to have sex with her.
Less sweet.
You would even talk about your favorite position.
- That's enough.
- The wet sailor.
- Ah, the wet sailor.
- Ah, please stop.
The fact is, you always put your family on top.
There's no bond stronger than family.
- That's it! - What's it? I'm Mr.
Awesome's son.
Maybe I have the same blood.
What if we did a transfusion with me? Perhaps, I'd need to test it, but I don't have access to my labs.
- I do.
- Wonderful [grunts.]
Sorry, I-I keep forgetting you're not evil.
We have to make this quick.
I don't have eyes on the hallway and we don't know when Mr.
Awesome's getting back.
- Concierge, look at this.
- What in the what? Congratulations, Mr.
President.
Did you happen to read my position paper? We are not having horsey-capped bathrooms.
Got it, so, how long do we have to wait until we put Operation: Enslave Humanity into effect? - Not long now.
- And it's Operation: Glory Bird.
You can't give an operation a name that just states what the operation is.
Sometimes I think you got the horse's brains too.
[neighs.]
He-e-e-ey.
Speaking of not smart, you know what always blows my mind? That people think they could have a conversation in my office and I wouldn't hear it with my super hearing.
You have super hearing? Does that mean you can hear me cry at night? And to think they could hide under my desk.
[Concierge.]
Hotwire, cover your eyes.
[grunting.]
She's in the vents! - We need to move fast.
- To where? Make your next left, now right.
You're ten feet from a chute that will drop straight down to the sub-basement.
- Hurry! - I can't find it.
Concierge, Concierge? Huh? Hotwire? Hotwire! I cry at night because I have a human sized wee.
[neighs.]
Mom, you remember Dr.
Malocchio.
Ah, Dr.
Jill Awesome-Stein-Kaplan.
You look as plain as the day I met you.
Still no makeup? - Still evil? - No, actually I'm good now, so Ugh, the amount these people go back and forth.
- Found it! - I thought I threw that away.
I made a decoy set so you would think you threw it away.
How many things did you make decoy sets of? Everything that was dear to my childhood, - and I got very good at making them.
- This is great, Brock, but I will still need a genetic sample from Mr.
Awesome.
It's not like we can just ask him for it.
Mom, I know I'm putting you in an awkward position, but I need a piece of Dad's hair.
I'm sorry, why would I have a piece of your father's hair? Do you think I have some sort of weird scrapbook? - I do.
- Jeremy, you are the one infatuated with your father.
I, on the other hand, came to my senses and realized there is more to a man than how strong he is.
That's right, Jeremy.
A real man is sensitive, thoughtful.
Jeffry, I swear to God.
How many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt me when I'm talking? I am so sorry, you are my queen.
- Mom, please, for me.
- [sighs.]
But let me make something clear, this is all hair that I found on bed sheets and pillows.
I didn't pluck any of it out while he was sleeping.
I'm not a weirdo.
Yikes.
[music.]
- Now, give me one of yours.
- Okay, but here's the thing.
I have a very sensitive scalp Son of a bitch! - And here's my hair.
- We don't need your hair, so what now? Now we cross our fingers and wait.
I could also make dinner if anyone is hungry.
Have any of you had Earth food? - Oh, right.
- I could eat.
[shouting.]
- Where am I? - [Concierge.]
From the looks of it, that should have taken you to sub-basement five.
- What's down here? - The stuff no one wants anybody to find.
Ugh.
- Aaaah! - What is it? Perfect Man.
Whatever it was went down the auxiliary chute.
- Get after 'em.
- They're coming for me.
There's a drainage pipe down the hall and to the left.
Follow it to the end.
I'll be waiting for you.
We'll come back for you.
I spy something beginning with G.
- Gadget Gal.
- You are good at this.
It's the third time you've done her.
- That ties you with Burt Lancaster.
- This is Timballo, and when you eat it, you won't have a care in the world.
What about Mr.
Awesome being evil? Oh, right, that, but only that one care.
Okay, I spy something beginning with Doctor.
- Doctor Malocchio.
- No, Doctor Gadget Gal.
So what are we hoping for, Malocchio? If your blood is an 80% genetic match or above, that should make your blood strong enough to cancel out the serum.
Higher than I thought it would be.
What if we use someone else's blood? A stronger hero? - Use mine.
- Or mine.
I am afraid of needles, but if you euthanize me, you can take some.
I think you mean anesthetize.
Euthanize means you're dead.
Correct, I would have to be dead to let you take my blood.
It doesn't matter, it has to be the genetic code that comes directly from your father.
But I don't have any siblings.
Well, actually, maybe you do.
Okay, could we close the door and then make our declarative statements? Heat is not free.
[music.]
How am I supposed to know that you're high if you won't let me touch you Whoa oh oh oh oh How am I supposed to know that you're high if you won't even dance Whoa oh oh oh oh How am I supposed to know that you're high if you won't even dance Yeah, you won't even dance