The Sex Lives of College Girls (2021) s03e09 Episode Script

1
Don't worry about nothing
Don't worry about me
No, no
Hands in the skies
I got all I need
Professor Friedman, thank you so
much for agreeing to meet with us.
I'm sure you have much better
things to be doing with your time.
I do.
Right, I am afraid, we have
some potentially upsetting news.
You see, Brian and
I are involved.
Romantically.
That's it?
I thought you were gonna tell
me you plagiarized something
or did a hit-and-run.
Oh, it's just, you said you don't like
it when students in your symposium date.
Well, yeah.
But I thought maybe you
would be normal about it
and just do it behind my back.
Got it.
So you don't need this written statement
formally disclosing our relationship?
No. Just don't let
things get messy.
You're both smart
and mildly tolerable.
Thank you.
I don't wanna have to
replace one of you.
Understood.
We will be careful, take things
slow, and just not let it get messy.
Absolutely. No mess here.
Sex is so much better with
someone who stimulates your mind.
Yeah, I agree.
The Foucault Reader! I
didn't know you were a fan.
I love Foucault.
His philosophy on prison reform
was so ahead of its time.
[moans] You're so fucking smart!
You're so fucking smart!
- [both gasp]
- Kevin, what the hell?
Sorry. My bad, Brian. I
Hey, I don't think we have
officially met. I'm Kevin.
- Kevin, get out!
- Okay, okay, okay!
Where were we?
- Yeah
- Foucault.
And I can't find my chill
I must have lost it
I don't even know
I'm talkin' nonsense
This is good. What is this?
It's actually just whipped
cream. It's called a puppy cup.
And technically, it's for dogs, but
they don't know who's drinking it.
Oh, that explains why the
name on my cup is Bandit.
Thanks for meeting up.
I feel like things have
been a bit weird between us
ever since I've told you how
many people I slept with.
Yeah, about that, I
owe you an apology.
I didn't react to that well.
Hey, tell you what, though,
say your number again,
and I promise I'll react
a lot better this time.
Twenty.
Twenty? No way, that's like
my favorite even number.
Well, I'm ready to move
past it, if you are.
I am. Especially, now
that I got tested.
I feel a lot better knowing
that I didn't catch any STIs.
Wait, what? Sorry,
you mean from me?
Yeah, but that means you're
clean, too. So that's good news.
But you still should get tested for
HPV since there's no test for men.
Oh, okay. That's really,
really good to know.
[Whitney] Kimberly, you haven't
touched your food. What's wrong?
I lost my appetite. Do you know
who's coming to speak at Essex?
Nathan Riggs.
Wait, fuck that guy.
Didn't he write a book about
women called Babymakers?
- Yup.
- My weird distant cousin loves him,
which means he's really bad.
I can't believe that Essex is giving
this piece of shit a platform.
[sighs]
Bela, you just sighed so
hard, it blew my napkin away.
- Are you pissed about Nathan Riggs, too?
- Who?
No, I don't know what
you're talking about.
I'm pissed because Arvind thinks I'm
a dirty slut with a bunch of STIs.
- He said that?
- Not in so many words,
but he did run to get
tested as soon as I told him
how many people I've slept with.
Does he not know how often you
get tested? I mean, no offense.
No, none taken. I may be a
slut, but I'm an ethical slut.
I go to the health
clinic so often,
they invite me to their
staff holiday party.
- [both chuckle]
- The nurse there is my emergency contact.
Why is it that guys can brag about
how many women they've slept with,
but women can't?
I worked hard on my numbers,
especially number eight.
Remember that Victorian
Studies major?
I had to read so much Dickens
just to get that dick in.
[all laugh]
Sorry, I know you're upset, but this
is the funniest you've ever been.
Yeah, you're always trying
so hard to be funny,
but you're actually being funny.
Seriously, there's a
storytelling show at Sips.
You should perform at it.
Me? But I hate being
the center of attention.
I'll check it out.
[Whitney] So, I
have a big update.
[gasps] You and Canaan are
officially back together?
No, Isaiah and I just broke things
off. But I am seeing someone new.
[others] What?
I'm gonna start therapy.
- That's amazing.
- Good for you.
Yeah, I don't know if you guys noticed,
but I've been feeling overwhelmed lately.
- What?
- Why?
Okay, damn, so you did notice. I
guess it's a good thing I'm going.
Therapy is really important.
I think everyone should do it.
I can't yet because I'm
still gathering my mistakes,
so it would be a waste right
now, but I'm happy you're going.
Girls, I have a little
treat for everyone.
These are $10 gift cards
to the frozen yogurt shop.
You shouldn't have.
But also, why did you?
Because I'd like for
you to use them tonight,
so that I can have the room to
myself for a very special reason.
- Oh, my God.
- For sex?
So that I can be
one with Cooper.
Oh, wow, the wording.
Oh, my God, this is incredible.
What positions are you
gonna do? I can help you.
I have a Google Doc full of my
favorites. I'll share it right now.
[Kacey] No, I'm all set!
I'm ready. I worked all morning
to set up my room to be the
perfect place for my first time.
That's really sweet.
- I'm so happy for you.
- Yeah, let me show you!
Come on.
- Don't you just love it?
- Wow.
It's exactly how I've always
imagined it. Isn't it perfect?
- Uh-huh.
- It's very princess.
Thank you. And this isn't
even the full effect.
I've also prepared
a playlist of songs
from the most romantic
Disney kissing scenes.
And are you looking
for a feedback?
Not really.
- I love it!
- How cool!
Okay, I should get going.
I don't want to cry yet.
Oh, okay.
Yet?
So, I'd love to avoid
talking about my mom, my dad,
and anyone I've dated
past or present.
Oh, and childhood
traumas involving pets.
Got it. Yeah.
That leaves me with a lot
to, uh, not work with.
Is it normal to start therapy by
listing what you don't wanna talk about?
Around here, we don't really
use the word 'normal'.
So, is it common?
- No.
- Got it.
So, Whitney, what
brought you in today?
Uh, all right. I guess, I've
just been feeling overwhelmed
for months between the classes,
and labs, and practices,
and games and friendships.
I just feel like I have more things
to do than I can possibly get done,
and sometimes the stress of it
all makes me panic so badly,
that I can't think straight, and
all of the things that I have to do
just keep piling higher and
I just want a little break.
Yeah. And what's
stopping you from that?
From taking a break? I
don't know, everything.
Just because I want something,
doesn't mean I can have it.
You keep saying "want," but it
sounds like it's something you need.
What's the difference?
Well, for example, "I want to
eat at Arby's for every meal,
but I need to fit into a tight
karate gi for my blue belt test.
So I will eat at Arby's afterwards
to celebrate." Does that make sense?
No.
You need a day off.
I can't do that.
My soccer team is in the playoffs.
My coach would never go for that.
Whitney, when you tell
someone what you need,
their reaction shows
you a lot about them.
A day off is not a big ask.
I take them all the time. Take one
every year for my dog's birthday.
- I like that.
- So does my dog.
Yeah. Okay, I will take a day.
Wow.
So, that was therapy.
No, you actually still
have 43 minutes to fill.
Should we talk about
your parents' divorce?
I didn't tell you my
parents were divorced.
I can just always tell.
[chattering indistinctly]
- Yeah.
- Taylor!
God, you missed such a
good FAF meeting today.
We sang "Happy Birthday"
to that really quiet girl
whose name everyone forgets.
- Mavis?
- Is that it?
God, I literally
just looked this up.
On some level, I
am going to miss
those boring meetings.
What do you mean miss?
Oh, I am leaving the dorms.
I'm moving in with Ash.
A bunch of space just opened up
at my place because my roommate
finally got called up
to Cirque du Soleil.
Someone fell.
Uh, Ash, could you
excuse us for a moment?
Yeah.
You're moving out of North Conn?
Taylor, this is crazy.
Is it? Or is it crazy to keep
living with my straight roommate
who I was briefly in love
with, but got rejected by
mid-kiss at a gay rodeo?
Okay, fair point.
But don't you think it's a
little early to move in with Ash?
Aren't you supposed to be
avoiding major life changes
in the midst of your sobriety?
This is like trading one kind
of obsession for another.
That is ridiculous.
Ash is nothing like alcohol.
She has never made me
piss my pants in a taxi.
I think I know what's
best for you here.
Since I'm moving out of the dorm,
you're not gonna be my FAF anymore,
so, doesn't matter
what you think.
Should we all grab some food together?
It feels like grilled cheese weather.
Are you okay?
What up? What did I miss?
We're fine. Thank you
for your help, Bela.
You can have whatever
I've left in the dorm.
Like that weird radio that
you gave me, keeps beeping
The carbon monoxide detector?
Is that what that is?
Okay, you really need to
check on it. It's very upset.
- That's really scary.
- [Taylor] Why?
Who doesn't love a little chaos
[cell phone chimes]
Hey, signup sheet is over there.
No. I'm actually just
watching the show.
Really? We don't get a lot
of real audience members.
Everyone in the crowd is
usually waiting to get onstage.
Except Soup Man. Steer
clear of Soup Man.
- Does Sips sell soup?
- They do not.
Let's stop saying the word
"soup." He might come over.
So, how'd you hear
about the show?
My friend. I used to do comedy last
year, so I thought I'd check it out.
If you do comedy, we could
really use you onstage
We got a lot of people who like
to do loud eurythmic slam poetry,
which is as unfunny
as it sounds.
I'll think about it.
I better get the show started.
We have four hours of
stories to get through.
Wow, that's a lot
of storytellers.
No, that's the worst part. Just
a few really long bad ones.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
Okay, let's get started.
Please take your seats.
Welcome to the show, everyone.
I'm your host, Haley.
And remember, I'm gay, so using the
bathroom during any of my stories
- is technically a hate crime.
- [chuckles]
And if you feel a yawn coming on,
please hold it for the next performer.
- [pop ballad playing on speaker]
- Oh, Cooper.
I'm so glad you're my first.
Yeah, me too.
What's on your window?
Oh, it's a print of a sunset.
I always imagined I'd lose
my virginity at magic hour.
Got it. Okay. Yeah.
I'm ready.
I'm really, really ready.
I'm definitely, uh
not ready.
I'm very unready.
- What's wrong? Is it me?
- No! No, no, no, no.
Maybe Like, it's not you.
There's just a lot
going on in here.
Is it the twinkle lights? I
could switch them to disco mode.
Oh. Oh! Wow, that's something.
Well, let's see if that made
you a little more ready.
Oh, not yet. Okay.
Guys, look what just came in.
It's my new weighted blanket.
That looks really heavy.
Yeah. The therapist suggested
I get one for my anxiety.
So, I looked online and found a
company that sells an 80 pounder.
I'm gonna smush myself to calm.
Sounds like therapy went well?
It did. Yeah. The
therapist was so helpful.
He encouraged me to take today off
from my responsibilities to just relax.
That's great. I
love that for you.
- Yeah.
- And you really deserve it.
Okay. Yeah, this is good.
Definitely not doing anything
today because I can't move.
Does anyone want a bunch
of twinkly string lights?
Since I'm remaining a virgin,
I won't be needing them.
- It didn't happen?
- No.
Maybe he's just not as into
me as I thought he was.
You did have a lot
going in your room.
Maybe just give him some
space and check in later?
I wish I could avoid him,
but I have to see him again
in two hours for rehearsal.
The key to successfully
avoiding someone
is to show up late, leave early,
and never make eye contact.
People do it to me all
the time. Really works.
Okay. I don't think I can
pull that off, but I'll try.
I have something
exciting to share.
I sent my first ever nude pic.
- [Bela gasps] What?
- Kimberly Finkle!
I actually really
enjoyed the experience.
It was very empowering
to celebrate my body.
Especially my boobs
and both nipples.
And of course, I kept
my face out of it
and took it against a nondescript
section of my beige wall.
Beige? Getting
sexier by the minute.
Taking nudes is the best.
Sometimes I set a
slideshow of mine to music
and just watch it back like they're
photos from a family vacation.
I took 72 test shots, but I'm
really proud of the one I sent.
Can I show you guys?
- Yes!
- Of course!
Yay.
Good God. Your
boobs are stunning.
This is inspiring. Should
I send a nude to Cooper?
Right, no. Give him space.
- Uh-oh.
- What?
Kimberly, this is a live photo.
When I hold my finger
down, it shows your face.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Why are live photos even a thing?
Photos shouldn't move. They're photos!
It's fine. I can
barely tell it's you.
Except for the high school
diploma in the background.
My God. No. I've spent so long
trying to keep my record clean,
and now my face and boobs are
basically on Getty Images.
No. Don't spiral.
It's just one guy.
And I'm sure if you ask
Brian, he'll delete the photo.
Yeah. And if you need help calming
down before then, just slide in.
Ow! How did that hurt my hand?
I feel like they sewed metal
into the lining, or something.
- What's up? You okay?
- Yeah.
It's just about
what I sent earlier.
I realized my face is in the
picture and I'm freaking out.
- Can you delete it?
- Are you sure? It was really hot.
Thanks.
But I really would
prefer if you deleted it.
Okay. I'll do it later.
I think I'd feel better if you
did it now, in front of me.
I just wanna know it's gone.
What? Now? Do you not
trust me or something?
This feels really weird.
- I'm sorry. Are you mad at me?
- Yeah. Kinda.
I was excited to see you. You
just came in with this really
off-putting energy.
I just don't want a naked
photo of myself out there.
What do you mean out there?
You think I'm gonna send
it around to people?
[scoffs]
Fine.
- It's gone.
- Thanks.
Okay. I guess I'll go.
Yeah, sounds good.
[Dorfmann] There is
no greater feeling
than when one of my drama students
begins working professionally.
Therefore, I am thrilled to announce,
Heather will be leaving Essex
to compete on the next
season of Survivor Teens.
Of course, because she was
the lead in the musical,
I will have to recast
her role very quickly.
I'd like to be considered.
Thank you for your interest. I'm not
sure that's what's best for the show.
I know someone who would
be right for the show.
[singing badly] And
that person is me
I appreciate
everyone's enthusiasm.
But I will be making
this decision myself.
I think it should be Kacey.
Respectfully, I think she'd
make a great scene partner.
[Lars] Does tech
crew get a vote?
- Lars.
- All right. Sorry.
I know I'm only supposed to weigh
in on lighting and sound stuff,
but it should clearly be Kacey.
[Dorfmann] Well, since
everyone suddenly thinks
this production is a democracy,
and you all think it
should be Kacey, then fine.
I'd love to see her try. Maybe
she'll rise to the challenge.
Are you okay? Haven't
seen you this mad since
Soup Man told you you look
prettier when you smile.
I'm in a mood. Brian and I had a
weird fight over a nude I sent him.
I asked him to delete my
picture and he got all gaslighty
and made it seem like I
was being unreasonable.
Hold on. Deleted it from what?
- From his phone.
- Bitch, you never heard of the cloud?
That picture is at least still
on his computer or worse,
being good jacked to by
incels on the dark web.
Oh, my God. I can't believe I have
to go talk to him about this again.
We left things in
such a bad place.
I'll go. Give me five
minutes alone with him
and I will get you
the answers you need.
- I know you're joking, but
- I'm dead serious.
I will kick him
in the dick, hard.
Thank you, but physical
violence won't be necessary.
Although it would be nice to
have you there for support.
I'm in. Let's go get rid of that
pic of your tig ol' bitties.
Not today, girl. Let's go.
Why do you have so much
pep in your step today?
I haven't seen you this happy since
Bela's tie got caught in the elevator.
I'm feeling good because I'm taking
the day off to get my mind right.
- Seriously?
- Mmm-hmm.
Are you sure you can do that?
Coach made me practice
the day I got Lasik.
I couldn't see shit.
I had to rely on echo
location. Like a damn bat.
Yeah, I know Coach
Hale can be strict,
but I'm sure he'll understand once
he knows how much I need this.
Absolutely not. No days off.
Yeah, I know that's
your motto or whatever,
but this isn't optional for me.
- I really need this for my mental health.
- [chuckles]
I'm sorry. I thought
that was a joke.
Look, being in a bad mood isn't
an excuse to miss practice.
I'm not in a bad mood.
Okay. I've done everything
you've asked of me.
I played through an injury.
Okay. But if you're not at practice,
you can't start in the playoffs.
What? It's just one practice.
- And resting is gonna help me play better.
- Sorry, my answer is no.
Wow. Okay. Then I guess don't worry
about benching me, because I quit.
What?
[breathing heavily]
- Whoa, Whitney, are you okay?
- I'm fine.
I just Um
I just quit soccer and I think
I'm having a panic attack.
Okay. Just cool down.
Just breathe. Just
- I need you to lay on me.
- Huh?
My weighted blanket is in my room.
You weigh at least 80 pounds?
- Yeah, I think.
- Actually, it doesn't matter.
Get on me now.
Okay. Okay.
- Like this?
- Yes.
- Okay. This is good. This is helping.
- Okay. I'm glad.
- Uh, is there anything else I can
- Shh, shh!
Weighted blankets don't talk.
Okay.
What are you writing?
You've been working for an hour and
you haven't checked your phone once.
I'm getting manifesto energy.
I am putting together ideas
for a storytelling show.
Oh, I love stories. Except
scary ones. Too scary.
- So, what's the story about?
- Well
Your reaction to my body
count helped me realize
that I have all these funny sex
stories and I wanna start sharing them.
Like, one time I hooked up
with a guy in the computer lab,
and afterwards, there was a full
keyboard indented on my butt.
Um, why would you wanna talk about
that in front of an audience?
Because I think it would be
funny and thought provoking.
Okay. I just don't
know if I'm comfortable
with the entire campus
knowing the graphic details
of my girlfriend's sex life.
First of all, I'll be very
surprised if everyone on campus
shows up for a
storytelling show.
And why would people judge
you based on my past?
If anything, they'll judge
me. Kinda like you did.
Okay. So, you're
still mad about that?
No, it's fine. I'm just really
excited about this show,
and I was hoping that
you would be too.
I am not.
I'm sorry, Bela.
I really like you,
but I don't know if I can
see a future with someone
who's okay putting private
things out in the open like this.
That's me, though.
I'm an open person,
and I need to be with someone who
doesn't think less of me for it.
What are you saying? You're
saying we should break up?
I guess so.
Bye, Arvind.
[Kimberly] Hey, sorry
to show up unannounced.
Oh, hi, Kevin. I didn't
know you'd be here.
Hey, don't mind me. I'm just
messing around with my kinetic sand.
I'm building a
perfectly to-scale model
of a Scottish castle that
Oh, no, the antechamber fell!
I assume you're here to
talk about yesterday?
- Yep.
- And what are you here for?
Mostly chime ins.
I have another question
about my picture.
Wait, are you kidding? I figured
you'd come here to apologize.
Apologize? This little bitch is out
of his mind. Continue, Kimberly.
So, I know you deleted my
picture from your phone,
but I don't know if you have any
other copies backed up somewhere.
God, you're so paranoid. What do
you think I'd do with this photo?
- [snickers]
- Kevin, shut the fuck up.
Wait, what was that about?
Did you show him my photo?
What? No. Kimberly, I
You sound insane, okay?
You need to calm down.
Oh, I know this little
ho-bag did not just tell
an insane woman to calm down.
Enough is enough. Delete all the
backups in front of us right now.
Okay. And if I don't,
what are you gonna do?
[groans]
Grab his phone. Use
his face to unlock it.
Kevin, help me!
If you fucking move, Kevin, my
foot will be on your dick so fast,
- your balls will spin!
- Sorry, dude, you're on your own.
[Kimberly] Quit
moving your face.
- I'm in!
- What are you doing?
There are no copies of
that photo on my phone.
That's not what I'm looking for.
Okay. Here it is. 312-675-2454.
- Wait, that's my mom's number.
- Yeah.
And if you don't delete every
single copy of my photo,
I bet she'd be really disappointed
to find out that her son
is a disgusting scumbag.
- You wouldn't.
- She would. She loves talking to moms.
That's why she still
has a Facebook account.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay. Yeah. Okay. All right. Fine!
Jesus Christ!
Look, I'll delete the backups.
But this just proves my
point. You are crazy.
You know what? I'm okay with
that. I like being a little crazy.
- Me too, bitch.
- Yeah.
Livin' the vida loca.
I don't understand how one
person needs this much makeup.
You have one face.
Just so you know, those
two boxes are also makeup.
Oh, could you toss me
my lifter plump gloss?
I honestly have no idea how to find that
or what part of your body it would go on.
Okay. It goes on your lips and it
plumps them because it's spicy.
Thank God, you're moving
in. I have so much to learn.
- Like conditioner
- [cell phone chimes]
is that an everyday thing
or do I just use it at hotels?
Taylor, are you okay?
My aunt just texted me that
my mom's getting married.
Is that bad news?
Well, it's typical
I'd find out this way
because I haven't spoken
to my mom in years.
Well, maybe the wedding
is a good opportunity
for you guys to reconnect.
Not much chance of that.
According to my aunt, my mom's
getting married tomorrow, so
Oh, shit. That sucks.
I think I just need
some air, so
I can come with you
if you want company.
Thanks, but I would
rather be alone.
Thanks for standing up
for me today at rehearsal.
It meant a lot.
Hey, I'm glad you got the
role. You deserved it.
I wasn't sure if you
liked me anymore.
Especially, after we tried
to have [whispers] sex.
Kacey, come on.
Obviously, I still like you. I like
you whether or not we have sex.
You do?
So then why did
you leave my room?
I've never taken anyone's
virginity before.
I guess I got scared about
having that responsibility.
So, you're saying you weren't
ready to lose my virginity?
Yeah, I guess that is what
I'm saying. Is that weird?
No.
It's sweet.
Are you ready now?
I could be, if you are.
Yeah.
And I really want my
first time to be with you.
I'd like that.
But maybe I could choose
the music this time?
Maybe something not
from an animated film.
Damn, this thing is heavy.
I didn't know I'd have to do
a dead lift just to stay warm.
Just leave it.
I've been waiting for so long
For something good to come
Seasons change, leave But
I still feel your love
I know days are getting slow
So, what do you think?
This is gonna be so funny. I can't wait
for you to perform it at the next show.
- [cell phone vibrates]
- This is great.
After all that
we've been through
I still wanna take a walk
with you Into the garden
[Taylor] Just that.