The Wonder Years s03e09 Episode Script
Math Class Squared
Every kid needs a hero - everybody knows that.
They teach us about courage about ideals About life.
Sometimes heroes are easy to spot.
But sometimes they turn up in unlikely places.
And square both sides of the equation, and complete your solution and then prove it by substituting both roots in the original equation.
Mr.
Collins and I had be through a lot - a lot of math, anyway.
The square root of "X" minus two "X" minus two times "X" minus two "X" equals "X" squared plus "X" We kinda started out on the wrong foot.
But the more I got to know him, the more I, well I liked the guy.
And that is how we solve equations involving a single radical.
He wasn't exactly what you'd call "cool".
Questions? Mr.
McCormick.
Is there any of this stuff we should know for the test? All of it.
All of it? I wouldn't teach it if I didn't think you should know it.
But he was fair.
I suggest in particular that you study the equation on the board that is likely to be on your quiz.
You had to respect the guy - at least I did.
And I like to think that respect was mutual.
Mr.
Arnold.
Do you find something amusing? Uh, no.
Nothing.
For tomorrow Review unit 14 "Roots and Radicals".
What a doofus.
Maybe to some, but to me The man was kind of a hero.
He made me want to do my best.
Not that my best was anything to brag about.
But This is a bear.
Why'd I ever let Mr.
Collins talk me into advanced math? Come on, Paul - you're doing fine.
At least I didn't have to suffer the anxieties Of a major-league math jock.
I don't know Look at what I got on my last quiz.
A "B".
So what's wrong with a "B"? A "B" is like kissing you sister.
So who am I kissing? Uh, look I-I didn't mean it like - No, it's alright, Paul.
I'm fine about it, really.
I'm gonna go check out some books.
Fact was, I was kinda proud of my paltry "C".
I'd worked hard for it.
And heck We can't all be "Joe Algebra".
Besides, who knew? With a little more effort, and a teacher like Collins Right.
Collins? The guy lives on the planet Pythagoras.
He couldn't find his nose with both hands and a slide - rule.
Wait a minute - what was this? I don't know sounds risky.
You kiddin'? It's easy.
Nothin' to it.
Look at this It's our math book, so what? You sure about that? - Whoa! It's the teacher's edition.
- Where'd you get it? Hey, I got it, OK? Collins' quizzes are straight out of the book.
And this book has all the answers.
It was weird.
I'd never figured McCormick for a cheater.
I don't know Hey You were the ones complaining about your grades.
If you want to start pullin' "B"'s Instead of "D"'s Well how would we do it? OK, um First we need a code.
So whenever we talk about it we'll say,um "how about those Mets?" - "How about those Mets?" - at's great! /- Cool.
So, um back to the grind, huh? - Yeah, let's go.
- Yeah.
Seeya, Eddie.
I couldn't believe it! Were these guys crazy? Cheating in Collins' class? That didn't seem right.
Morality is a luxury in combat, men.
And "fair" is for fairy tales.
The laws of survival Cunning Wits kill Or be killed.
Gentlemen I give you dodge-ball.
Bingo - direct hit.
Of course, in junior high school,you're never too far from the outer edge of civilization.
Hey, Arnold! McCormick.
You didn't happen to overhear ourconversation today in the library, did you? Why? Worried about something? Nah, I know you'd never rat on us.
Jungle tactics, men.
Show no mercy.
I was just gonna say, uh if you want in Was he joking? No not interested.
Have it your way! Come on, let's see a little offense.
Very nice, McCormick.
You're never going to get away with it, you know that? Why is that? 'Cause you know Collins - he'll figure it out.
And he'll eat you for breakfast! Wow, what was I thinking? It was a dumb idea.
You're right, Kevin.
Come on, focus - concentration commitment! - All I'm saying is that Collins.
.
- Come on, Arnold.
Don't be a dunce.
Collins isn't God.
He's a middle-aged algebra teacher in a bad suit.
Oh, yeah? Well, this guy was in for a surprise.
Alright - it's your funeral.
We'll see.
Yeah - we'd see.
At least he couldn't say I hadn't warned him.
Now it was up to him if he wanted to get - You're out, Arnold! Have your pencils ready Books off the desk.
You have twenty minutes to complete this quiz.
Alright.
Dodge-ball was one thing Mr.
Collins was quite another.
I almost felt sorry for these guys Did they actually believe they could pull this off? Begin.
Well, that didn't take long.
Here it came.
Target sighted.
Lock on radar, and I believe we have contact Huh? A "D"?! You got a "D"? I don't understand.
I mean, I got a 72.
Last week I got a 72 and it was a "C".
Let me see this.
Hmmm He must be grading on the curve.
"The curve".
You heard stories about it,but you never thought it'd happen to you.
It's kind of a parabolic way of grading.
Imagine The grade distibution of your class - it's like a bell - Paul, I know what a curve is.
At least I knew enough about it to smell a rat.
So what you're saying is if there were some students who were getting "C"'s and "D"'s last week, and this week were getting "A"'s and "B"'s That's it! That could affect your grade! Great But I wouldn't worry about it.
I'm sure it's just temporary.
What makes you think that? Well, the entire grade average doesn't change over night that much is obvious.
Uh-huh.
Obvious to Paul, maybe.
But what about Mr.
Collins? It was time for Mr.
Tough-But-Fair to put a stop to this.
Oh, come on.
It was so obvious! Right out in the open.
Could Mr.
Collins be so blind? It was time to have a little talk.
Mr.
Collins? Yes? It's about the quizzes, sir.
What about them? Well do they always have to come from the book? That is what I told the class at the beginning of the term.
Yeah, well isn't that a little bit predictable? There.
Now he was catchin' on.
I knew I could count on him.
Kevin? Are you having a problem? Uh, no! It's just this curve, sir.
Well, don't you think it's a little unfair? No, I don't think so.
Well it just seems to me that this system might not be right for this class, anyway.
There! I'd practically drawn him a map.
What was he gonna to say to that? Thank you for your feedback, Mr.
Arnold.
But I would suggest that you notconcern yourself with the rest of the class.
Huh? Every problem contains its own solution, Mr.
Arnold.
What was this guy saying? It was like talking to a fortune cookie- while my grade was sinking like a - Is there anything else? No.
And that's when I realized I'd been wrong about the man.
This was no hero This was just a middle-aged guy in a bad suit,teaching junior high algebra.
It wasn't fair.
Those jokers were getting a free ride While the conductor was asleep at the switch.
Hey, McCormick! Yeah? It was time to put things right.
I was gonna take control of the situation.
What?! It was now or never.
How about those Mets? The funny thing is I thought it'd be hard, but McCormick was right.
It was easy.
At first.
A "B"! Kevin this is wonderful I'm so proud of you! Pretty soon though See? When you apply yourself, you get what you deserve.
Things started to get more complicated.
You got a "B-plus"? Kevin you math stud, you.
Then again Hey - maybe I should study with you! What can I say? What could I say? "A minus.
" Kevin, I'm so proud of you! It was all a little confusing.
I hear Mr.
Collins is really hard.
Well, yeah but it You're so smart.
I mean where was it all gonna lead? Maybe you could help me with some of my math.
An "A" OK - maybe I'd gone too far.
But I couldn't help myself.
After all, it was pretty clear no one was minding the store here.
If Collins didn't care Why should I? Mr.
Arnold.
May I speak to you for a moment? And then suddenly I cared.
OK - the important thing here is not to wimper.
Just put your head on the chopping block And pray for a clean stroke.
I've just been looking at your grades.
Yessir You shot up from a 72, two weeks ago,to an 85, to an 87, to a 92, and today, a 96.
Now, wouldn't you say that was pretty remarkable? Well I guess so I've been thinking about what to do about it.
In a way It was a relief.
I guess on some level I just wanted the whole thing to be over.
I'd like to put you in my honors math class.
Ex-excuse me? We'd have to juggle your schedule But I think we could manage that.
It's a very demanding class, but uh, based on your work in here - I think you're ready for it.
What do you think? Sounds like fun Good.
You can start tomorrow.
Well, there you had it.
We multiply both sides of the equation by five "X", times "X" minus three.
And the result is I was a stranger in a strange land.
Of course, when we solve quadratic equations by completing the square it is necessary to make one member of the equation A perfect square trinomial.
Both sides of the equation Did you get what he just said? When you solve quadratic equations by completing the square You have to make one member of the equation A perfect square trinomial.
Yeah.
That's uh that's what I though he said.
That's four "X", plus four.
Alright Who can solve the equation? Ah, Isaac Newton? Enrico Fermi? Kevin Arnold.
Uh Uh Put your hands down.
Mr.
Arnold? I was trapped.
Could you repeat the question? Seventy-three.
.
two-eighty-six.
.
twelve-twelve.
What?! Thirteen, four-forty, eleven-fifty-seven.
What's he talking about? Four, seven, six-fifteen, forty-two.
What?! Five-sixty-eight, ninety-three.
I don't know what you're saying! - What?! - Sixty-nine, one-thousand, two-hundred But I don't know this stuff! Forty-four ninety-six twenty-seven ninety-two.
What are you saying? Three-oh-five one-seventy-two The square root of fourteen minus Three-thousand-six-hundred and twenty-two Stop! No! Please! Eighty-nine, seventeen, sixty-seven twenty-four Stop! No! Submitted for your approval - a boy suffering the tortures of algebra.
He went looking for easy answers, but somehow it didn't add up.
Let "X" equal an unknown quantity.
Let "Y" go left unanswered.
If six bald men get on a train going a hundred miles per hour - how many stops before they reach - The Twilight Zone? Well, I'd learned one thing in advanced math class.
I'd learned I was going to fail.
Maybe not today.
Maybe not tomorrow - but soon, and for the rest of my life.
Hey, McCormick - wait up! Hey, guys Hey, McCormick! I got a problem.
Hey, man - I got my own problems.
What are you talkin' about? Didn't you hear? We all got "F's" on the unit test! And the unit test Counts for fifty percent of our grade.
It's Collins, man.
He's totally out-to-lunch.
He's supposed to take the tests out of the book.
Just like the quizzes.
He doesn't know what he's doing! May be But suddenly I was beginning to wonder.
You're dead, Eddie! Come on, you guys Get out of my way.
Hold it, McCormick - we're not done with you, yet.
About a lot of things.
I began to realize that with the curve, if I'd just stayed put, then my "C" could have been a "B".
A real "B".
One that I earned.
The funny thing is, McCormick and the others had paid their price, while I was left alone.
With nothing but my conscience Staring me in the face.
This wasn't going to be easy.
Mr.
Collins? Had enough? But how? Every problem has its own solution, Mr.
Arnold.
Alright, now, please take your seats and settle down.
So It was back to long hours, hard work, and respectable "C"'s.
It felt good.
You may begin.
As for why Collins had singled me out I could only guess.
But the man had said, every problem Contains its own solution.
Mr.
Arnold.
Do you have a question? Oh No.
No.
So, I guess he'd wanted me to solve this one On my own.
"Many's the time I've been mistaken" "And many times confused" "Yes, and often felt forsaken" ÇϺñ ÀÚ¸· µ¿È£È¸ And certainly misused" °¨»çÇÕÏÙÙ.
"But I'm all right, I'm all right" iamy1004
They teach us about courage about ideals About life.
Sometimes heroes are easy to spot.
But sometimes they turn up in unlikely places.
And square both sides of the equation, and complete your solution and then prove it by substituting both roots in the original equation.
Mr.
Collins and I had be through a lot - a lot of math, anyway.
The square root of "X" minus two "X" minus two times "X" minus two "X" equals "X" squared plus "X" We kinda started out on the wrong foot.
But the more I got to know him, the more I, well I liked the guy.
And that is how we solve equations involving a single radical.
He wasn't exactly what you'd call "cool".
Questions? Mr.
McCormick.
Is there any of this stuff we should know for the test? All of it.
All of it? I wouldn't teach it if I didn't think you should know it.
But he was fair.
I suggest in particular that you study the equation on the board that is likely to be on your quiz.
You had to respect the guy - at least I did.
And I like to think that respect was mutual.
Mr.
Arnold.
Do you find something amusing? Uh, no.
Nothing.
For tomorrow Review unit 14 "Roots and Radicals".
What a doofus.
Maybe to some, but to me The man was kind of a hero.
He made me want to do my best.
Not that my best was anything to brag about.
But This is a bear.
Why'd I ever let Mr.
Collins talk me into advanced math? Come on, Paul - you're doing fine.
At least I didn't have to suffer the anxieties Of a major-league math jock.
I don't know Look at what I got on my last quiz.
A "B".
So what's wrong with a "B"? A "B" is like kissing you sister.
So who am I kissing? Uh, look I-I didn't mean it like - No, it's alright, Paul.
I'm fine about it, really.
I'm gonna go check out some books.
Fact was, I was kinda proud of my paltry "C".
I'd worked hard for it.
And heck We can't all be "Joe Algebra".
Besides, who knew? With a little more effort, and a teacher like Collins Right.
Collins? The guy lives on the planet Pythagoras.
He couldn't find his nose with both hands and a slide - rule.
Wait a minute - what was this? I don't know sounds risky.
You kiddin'? It's easy.
Nothin' to it.
Look at this It's our math book, so what? You sure about that? - Whoa! It's the teacher's edition.
- Where'd you get it? Hey, I got it, OK? Collins' quizzes are straight out of the book.
And this book has all the answers.
It was weird.
I'd never figured McCormick for a cheater.
I don't know Hey You were the ones complaining about your grades.
If you want to start pullin' "B"'s Instead of "D"'s Well how would we do it? OK, um First we need a code.
So whenever we talk about it we'll say,um "how about those Mets?" - "How about those Mets?" - at's great! /- Cool.
So, um back to the grind, huh? - Yeah, let's go.
- Yeah.
Seeya, Eddie.
I couldn't believe it! Were these guys crazy? Cheating in Collins' class? That didn't seem right.
Morality is a luxury in combat, men.
And "fair" is for fairy tales.
The laws of survival Cunning Wits kill Or be killed.
Gentlemen I give you dodge-ball.
Bingo - direct hit.
Of course, in junior high school,you're never too far from the outer edge of civilization.
Hey, Arnold! McCormick.
You didn't happen to overhear ourconversation today in the library, did you? Why? Worried about something? Nah, I know you'd never rat on us.
Jungle tactics, men.
Show no mercy.
I was just gonna say, uh if you want in Was he joking? No not interested.
Have it your way! Come on, let's see a little offense.
Very nice, McCormick.
You're never going to get away with it, you know that? Why is that? 'Cause you know Collins - he'll figure it out.
And he'll eat you for breakfast! Wow, what was I thinking? It was a dumb idea.
You're right, Kevin.
Come on, focus - concentration commitment! - All I'm saying is that Collins.
.
- Come on, Arnold.
Don't be a dunce.
Collins isn't God.
He's a middle-aged algebra teacher in a bad suit.
Oh, yeah? Well, this guy was in for a surprise.
Alright - it's your funeral.
We'll see.
Yeah - we'd see.
At least he couldn't say I hadn't warned him.
Now it was up to him if he wanted to get - You're out, Arnold! Have your pencils ready Books off the desk.
You have twenty minutes to complete this quiz.
Alright.
Dodge-ball was one thing Mr.
Collins was quite another.
I almost felt sorry for these guys Did they actually believe they could pull this off? Begin.
Well, that didn't take long.
Here it came.
Target sighted.
Lock on radar, and I believe we have contact Huh? A "D"?! You got a "D"? I don't understand.
I mean, I got a 72.
Last week I got a 72 and it was a "C".
Let me see this.
Hmmm He must be grading on the curve.
"The curve".
You heard stories about it,but you never thought it'd happen to you.
It's kind of a parabolic way of grading.
Imagine The grade distibution of your class - it's like a bell - Paul, I know what a curve is.
At least I knew enough about it to smell a rat.
So what you're saying is if there were some students who were getting "C"'s and "D"'s last week, and this week were getting "A"'s and "B"'s That's it! That could affect your grade! Great But I wouldn't worry about it.
I'm sure it's just temporary.
What makes you think that? Well, the entire grade average doesn't change over night that much is obvious.
Uh-huh.
Obvious to Paul, maybe.
But what about Mr.
Collins? It was time for Mr.
Tough-But-Fair to put a stop to this.
Oh, come on.
It was so obvious! Right out in the open.
Could Mr.
Collins be so blind? It was time to have a little talk.
Mr.
Collins? Yes? It's about the quizzes, sir.
What about them? Well do they always have to come from the book? That is what I told the class at the beginning of the term.
Yeah, well isn't that a little bit predictable? There.
Now he was catchin' on.
I knew I could count on him.
Kevin? Are you having a problem? Uh, no! It's just this curve, sir.
Well, don't you think it's a little unfair? No, I don't think so.
Well it just seems to me that this system might not be right for this class, anyway.
There! I'd practically drawn him a map.
What was he gonna to say to that? Thank you for your feedback, Mr.
Arnold.
But I would suggest that you notconcern yourself with the rest of the class.
Huh? Every problem contains its own solution, Mr.
Arnold.
What was this guy saying? It was like talking to a fortune cookie- while my grade was sinking like a - Is there anything else? No.
And that's when I realized I'd been wrong about the man.
This was no hero This was just a middle-aged guy in a bad suit,teaching junior high algebra.
It wasn't fair.
Those jokers were getting a free ride While the conductor was asleep at the switch.
Hey, McCormick! Yeah? It was time to put things right.
I was gonna take control of the situation.
What?! It was now or never.
How about those Mets? The funny thing is I thought it'd be hard, but McCormick was right.
It was easy.
At first.
A "B"! Kevin this is wonderful I'm so proud of you! Pretty soon though See? When you apply yourself, you get what you deserve.
Things started to get more complicated.
You got a "B-plus"? Kevin you math stud, you.
Then again Hey - maybe I should study with you! What can I say? What could I say? "A minus.
" Kevin, I'm so proud of you! It was all a little confusing.
I hear Mr.
Collins is really hard.
Well, yeah but it You're so smart.
I mean where was it all gonna lead? Maybe you could help me with some of my math.
An "A" OK - maybe I'd gone too far.
But I couldn't help myself.
After all, it was pretty clear no one was minding the store here.
If Collins didn't care Why should I? Mr.
Arnold.
May I speak to you for a moment? And then suddenly I cared.
OK - the important thing here is not to wimper.
Just put your head on the chopping block And pray for a clean stroke.
I've just been looking at your grades.
Yessir You shot up from a 72, two weeks ago,to an 85, to an 87, to a 92, and today, a 96.
Now, wouldn't you say that was pretty remarkable? Well I guess so I've been thinking about what to do about it.
In a way It was a relief.
I guess on some level I just wanted the whole thing to be over.
I'd like to put you in my honors math class.
Ex-excuse me? We'd have to juggle your schedule But I think we could manage that.
It's a very demanding class, but uh, based on your work in here - I think you're ready for it.
What do you think? Sounds like fun Good.
You can start tomorrow.
Well, there you had it.
We multiply both sides of the equation by five "X", times "X" minus three.
And the result is I was a stranger in a strange land.
Of course, when we solve quadratic equations by completing the square it is necessary to make one member of the equation A perfect square trinomial.
Both sides of the equation Did you get what he just said? When you solve quadratic equations by completing the square You have to make one member of the equation A perfect square trinomial.
Yeah.
That's uh that's what I though he said.
That's four "X", plus four.
Alright Who can solve the equation? Ah, Isaac Newton? Enrico Fermi? Kevin Arnold.
Uh Uh Put your hands down.
Mr.
Arnold? I was trapped.
Could you repeat the question? Seventy-three.
.
two-eighty-six.
.
twelve-twelve.
What?! Thirteen, four-forty, eleven-fifty-seven.
What's he talking about? Four, seven, six-fifteen, forty-two.
What?! Five-sixty-eight, ninety-three.
I don't know what you're saying! - What?! - Sixty-nine, one-thousand, two-hundred But I don't know this stuff! Forty-four ninety-six twenty-seven ninety-two.
What are you saying? Three-oh-five one-seventy-two The square root of fourteen minus Three-thousand-six-hundred and twenty-two Stop! No! Please! Eighty-nine, seventeen, sixty-seven twenty-four Stop! No! Submitted for your approval - a boy suffering the tortures of algebra.
He went looking for easy answers, but somehow it didn't add up.
Let "X" equal an unknown quantity.
Let "Y" go left unanswered.
If six bald men get on a train going a hundred miles per hour - how many stops before they reach - The Twilight Zone? Well, I'd learned one thing in advanced math class.
I'd learned I was going to fail.
Maybe not today.
Maybe not tomorrow - but soon, and for the rest of my life.
Hey, McCormick - wait up! Hey, guys Hey, McCormick! I got a problem.
Hey, man - I got my own problems.
What are you talkin' about? Didn't you hear? We all got "F's" on the unit test! And the unit test Counts for fifty percent of our grade.
It's Collins, man.
He's totally out-to-lunch.
He's supposed to take the tests out of the book.
Just like the quizzes.
He doesn't know what he's doing! May be But suddenly I was beginning to wonder.
You're dead, Eddie! Come on, you guys Get out of my way.
Hold it, McCormick - we're not done with you, yet.
About a lot of things.
I began to realize that with the curve, if I'd just stayed put, then my "C" could have been a "B".
A real "B".
One that I earned.
The funny thing is, McCormick and the others had paid their price, while I was left alone.
With nothing but my conscience Staring me in the face.
This wasn't going to be easy.
Mr.
Collins? Had enough? But how? Every problem has its own solution, Mr.
Arnold.
Alright, now, please take your seats and settle down.
So It was back to long hours, hard work, and respectable "C"'s.
It felt good.
You may begin.
As for why Collins had singled me out I could only guess.
But the man had said, every problem Contains its own solution.
Mr.
Arnold.
Do you have a question? Oh No.
No.
So, I guess he'd wanted me to solve this one On my own.
"Many's the time I've been mistaken" "And many times confused" "Yes, and often felt forsaken" ÇϺñ ÀÚ¸· µ¿È£È¸ And certainly misused" °¨»çÇÕÏÙÙ.
"But I'm all right, I'm all right" iamy1004