Wynonna Earp (2016) s03e09 Episode Script

Previously on Wynonna Earp: You let her do this.
You became a vampire for Doc? And he became one for you.
Seeds in the ground whispering to one another.
Bulshar can talk to them.
Bushar's ring is following me.
It fits me! No, no!! - She only took three cards? - Tarot cards.
He wants to find his last one, his future.
It's Arabic on the ring! It means Garden of Paradise.
Bushar is here for the Garden of Eden.
That's what the Ghost River Triangle is protecting.
- Dear God.
- God has nothing to do with it.
Maybe we need more lube? No, no! No, no, no, no.
No, don't stop, don't stop.
Keep going.
Almost there.
- No!! Ow, ow, ow! - Ow!! Ow Okay.
That's it.
Either Bulshar's ring shrunk or your finger chubbed up.
- It definitely shrunk.
- YouTube's all out of tricks.
It's just teens doing mean pranks now.
I mean does it hurt? No, not really.
Actually, it's fine.
I'll just leave it on.
Uh, you Wonder Woman-punched a zombie witch across a room.
- Yeah, boy.
- Not "yeah, boy.
" No, girl! That ring came off a withered, chopped-off demon arm; it turned a face-ripping witch into the Mother of Dragons; and it burned Doc's finger, and turned up in my biscuits! It also keeps ricocheting back to us each time we try to get rid of it.
What if next time it hurts one of our friends? Or Okay.
Check the barn, okay? For the giant bolt-cutters from Wynonna's B&E toolkit that I wasn't supposed to tell you about? Of course.
Look, try not to touch anything, okay? I'll get the bolt-cutters.
- Not even you? - Oh, no.
When we get that thing off we get off.
- Did we just? - It appears as though we did.
Twice.
Did we? I sure did.
And I'm pretty sure you were here.
Oh, I'm still here.
Wynonna? - Go away! - Ocupado! The minibar is fully stocked! Decidedly not mini.
Guys, just let me in! Then you better turn on Incognito Browsing, 'cause it is NSFW in here.
Gross.
I do not need that seared into my retinas.
So what am I supposed to tell Waverly? You guys on again? Oh, we are on each other.
Okay, great.
Well, I'm just gonna tell her that you are drinking and fighting.
Those two need separate cages.
Am I to assume you have forgiven me? For the vamp thing? I'd say we kissed and made up.
As long as that's all you did with your mouth anyway.
Oddly, the pangs of blood-thirst seem to have lifted.
And I would never do anything to betray your trust.
You're such a gentleman.
Except for when you're not at my request.
Which is often.
And why I am so spent.
Mm Let's go to sleep.
And we'll wake up together.
They're mine.
-It's quite robust! You know it's unusual to find a woman wearing such a masculine piece? I suppose tradition has changed.
Yeah, we're all about challenging gender norms.
Now can you please get this hideous thing off of her? Of course.
Here goes.
Oh, my God.
Oh, sorry.
Bad experience with losing appendages.
- Ha-ha-ha! She jokes when she's - Ovulating? Dude, no! Hold still.
This won't hurt a bit.
Unless I slip.
But that's why we have insurance settlements, am I right? This is gonna be awesome.
How odd.
How did you say you came upon this ring? Uh It's been in my family for generations.
Yeah.
It came came right over on the boat, Smuggled right up Granny Haught's petticoats.
Recessed markings.
What's that word? - Paradise.
- You know what? I'm feeling Officer Haught? Yeah, what's up, Suzanne? Got a disturbance out on Concession Road 10, - the abandoned Gardner House.
- Copy.
- Kate? - Yeah.
What's she up to now? Besides being very vampire? Thank you so much for your time.
Yeah, thanks.
You know, I already have a buyer! Already? Sure.
Demon or creep with a ring fetish? Why pick just one? Ah, the aroma of earth as the ground begins to thaw.
Where are we going? Are we supposed to be doing something? The tarot cards.
Bulshar found what he was looking for.
Oh! The Garden! We're gonna head ol' Bulshar off at the pass, remember? Today was fun.
Are you, uh, okay with us? Well, there's the sucky, bitey, fangy thing.
Which I did for you.
Who am I kidding? I only feel like me when I'm with you.
This is giving me a headache.
I've spoiled our walk.
Some things are best left unsaid.
No, Doc.
Something's wrong.
I don't feel I don't feel well.
It's a trick! It's Bulshar! - Bulshar? - Doc, wake up! Wake up! Yo, b-boy, where you taking us?! Where are you taking us?! No!! You do not want to know what happened to the last person who tried to force-feed me granola!!! Bulshar.
Even for a million-year-old hell monster, you look like cat barf.
Now you know our fates are linked.
Your ability to resist my delusion, it's impressive.
What can I say? Built up a tolerance to hallucinogens when I dated that tree planter.
Hmm.
Then I need to up my game.
Hand-to-hand it is.
Come on, Ballshaft, what've you got? I'm going to enjoy this.
Doc?! Bulshar! Hello? Okay.
Could be worse, Dubs.
Usually when you wake up in a strange room, you gotta spend the whole day at a walk-in clinic after.
Well, at least there's booze.
It's gone.
Doc? Wynonna.
Thank God.
- You can hear me? - Yes.
What happened? I just died.
- But I'm back.
- How? Back where? Shorty's basement.
I I I think I'm okay.
Where are you? Nowhere good.
I can see you.
Do you see me? No.
I do not know how I got here.
- Did you see Bulshar? - Bulshar? No.
Why? I can barely move, Wynonna.
I am near-paralyzed.
Okay, don't panic.
I'll explain everything as soon as I find you, which I'm gonna do right now.
Please do, Wynonna.
Please do.
Ha! Missed me, dickhead.
There's always more dickheads.
Come on!! Poison dart?! Wynonna!! I'm back.
Are you okay? Uh, does a molten-hot spike to the eye count? Which smarts, by the way! Why does Bulshwhack have to make it hurt? Because that may be the point of this.
Pain is the end game.
Great pep talk.
But I'm I'm like metal.
The more you hit it, the stronger it gets! And I'm shiny.
And dense.
Holy crap, I did learn stuff in high school.
Careful.
The cable guy didn't see anybody leave.
Did he leave? Or are we gonna walk in on a normal-nosed Kate giving him a fangy turbo-hickey? Maybe she's renovating? Come on! Put the hammer down! Oh, it's you do-good dorks.
- Mercedes? - In the flesh.
Well, what's left of it.
What are you doing? Uh, my douchepecker brother, may he rest in hell Still may be too good for Tucker.
He changed the combo while playing Igor to those face-ripping bitches.
Ergo, hammer.
Hey, do you guys know why there was bloody sheets and all those sex toys on my bed? Uh there's been an uninvited guest.
Oh.
Whatever.
Squatters gotta squat.
We missed you, Mercedes.
Wynonna has been calling.
Well, I been busy, dawg.
Flying all over the world, surgery after surgery, and, uh, nothing took.
There's a woman in Venezuela: muy underground hashtag facial reconstruction.
So here I am, a mutant in constant pain, trying to break into my own safe.
Are you two just gonna stand there like a couple of dildos? Don't tell anybody I wasted a bullet.
Okay, okay, okay.
Ah! Oh! Oh!! Oh, my wads! We've got company.
Yeah, I thought we might.
Argh! Ouch! Acid?! Really?! Wynonna.
Stop and think.
Count your cards.
And be methodical.
Not my brand, John Henry.
- What is it, Derek? - I know this is weird, but I just can't get your friend's ring outta my head.
- May I? - He's a jeweller.
Uh, yeah.
Where do you think I pawn every bit of bling I own? - Ah, it won't take a minute.
- Bye, Derek.
There's nothing left for you to get your grubby little hands on here.
Oh, I must see it.
I must have it.
Spoiler alert: Derek's a demon.
Is every dick trumpet in Purgatory a demon? Ow! Back off, Derek! My fingers can cut diamonds.
Flesh is no match.
Give me the ring! - Let her go, Derek.
- You know I can't take it off, Derek! Everyone stop saying Derek! Ah! I must pay fealty! Ultimate fealty to Bulshar! Bulshar? The demon husband of the venom-spewing, face-stealing monster-wives? Yeah, that's the guy.
Ah Cut it off! Or I'll kill Ginger One and Ginger Two! Bitch, you just brought sparks to an Earp-ferno! - Oh, you want it, Derek? - Yes.
Huh? Huh? Take it!! Take it The face.
Why is it always the face?! Ugh! This is complete madness.
What's on your face? Is that popcorn? I'd die for some popcorn.
I hope I don't get killed by eating too much delicious popcorn! I need a new plan.
I have a no plan.
You need to rest.
You're right.
Not trying used to be my MO.
I've changed, man.
What am I doing wrong?! This is what it feels like to be a Revenant.
Oh! Pfft.
It sucks donkey schlong.
Donkey Kong.
It's like a video game, Doc.
Oh, good, my forte.
And if there's one thing I know about video games: there's always a way out.
There's always a way to beat the system.
Ai! Ai! Ai! Hot! My ass is hot.
If you're looking for validation, I will not disagree.
The floor is melting, Doc! I'm out! Wynonna, do not do anything foolish! Leroy Jenkins!!! Ah! Sonofabitch! That's not where that goes, Bulshar! Wynonna, can you hear me? - Doc, yeah! - Where are you? I'm home.
Excellent.
How will my plaything endure this new test? Wyatt Earp's heir will watch.
For all eternity.
She will watch as I enter, watch as the world burns, as I enslave humanity, and know it was all her fault.
Anything come at you yet, or have you learned to die in silence? I just hit my stupid hipbone on the stupid chair.
Is there whisky? Yeah, why? You want me to splash some into the fireplace for you? For you, to numb the pain.
Great idea.
Ugh! I don't know what that is, but it's not whisky.
- Do that again.
- Eff that.
It tastes like bear piss.
With your feet.
I can feel the vibration.
Yes, that! I can hear it.
I can hear it coming from above! 'K.
Tell me if it's getting closer.
Yes! Yes, that is the bearing! Wynonna, you found me.
It's dirt.
On your face.
How long has it been happening? Since the ordeal began.
Trickle by trickle.
He's burying you alive? Yes.
- Why didn't you tell me? - Because of a conversation I had with Bulshar.
I came upon him among a grove of trees.
And under threat, he insisted I make myself useful.
Help him move? He offered me a deal.
He would cleanse my soul if I convinced you to do his bidding.
Tell me you didn't make a deal with Bulshar.
Aligning myself with a demon against you? I refused.
Bulshar's such a drama queen.
Hang in there.
I'll be back.
Just need a crowbar.
No sudden T-Rex attack.
No flaming-hot hailstorm.
No forcing me to watch golf.
Good.
It's like the ring, my my hand had a a mind of its own.
Uh, yeah, you melted Demon Derek's face like Velveeta.
What if it face-melts someone human? Everything you Earps touch is as cursed as you are.
And if that is Bulshar's ring, you're screwed! I was locked in a basement by face-ripping demon-witches and the only thing they were terrified of was him.
Well, Wynonna ended them.
Well, goody for her.
My face still looks like a goddamn charcuterie board! You're still beautiful, Mercedes.
And you ate edibles for breakfast.
There's only one way to get it off! No more cutting off hand bits.
That ring on you - something very powerful is at work here.
Your sex life is either about to get really great or very, very, very bad.
Girl put a mitt on it! - Not a permanent solution.
- Well, I tried.
And now I've got a face to catch.
Good luck, girls.
Look, if demon magic's what's keeping that ring on, then maybe we need demon magic to get it off.
Jeremy and I will put our heads together.
Okay.
Speak of the veggie devil.
Jeremy.
I need to search through the archives to find some BBD ring-removal hoodoo.
Okay, later.
Look, Robin gave me the login for all the Parks and Rec surveillance footage, and I I noticed something on the Eagle Nest Cam.
Something very Bulshary.
Bulshary? Wh-what Where are you? I'll send you my location.
I definitely don't want to go in alone.
Whoa!! Much as I'd love to stand here and kill you be a good Bobo and hand me that sickle.
Remind me to send Mama a thank-you card for letting you out of that well.
Cool.
Die, start over.
Kill Bobo, start over.
Bobo Del Ray.
Yeah, stinking up the barn.
On the bright side, I'm not back to Shorty's basement, so Must've levelled up.
Doc.
How is there so much dirt? I've been gone for, like, two minutes.
Many many times.
For the thousandth time, I'll say it: Whatever you have been doing with Bobo, try something else.
I shot him every time.
So no Peacemaker.
What's the worst that can happen? Well, you die.
Again.
- The camera is mounted up there.
- Which way does it look? Yeah.
And what did you see? Like in a weird, overgrown mound of tree roots.
But Bulshar was looking for the Garden, right? So what if the staircase Was the entrance.
- Yes! High-five! - Wait! No! Hand of death! Oh, yes.
Supportive elbow bump.
Uh, guys, speaking of death hand Bad Bobo! Stop! No gun.
Come on, man.
I know we've never been besties This is getting us nowhere.
You and Juan Carlo and Constance sealed Bulshar underground.
There has to be a way to beat him.
Juan Carlo and Constance are dead.
And I am no longer the Robert Svane that helped cast that spell.
He's dead, too.
Dude, it makes me feel really gross to say this! - Help me.
- Help Robert, please.
Oh You know me, Bobo.
You know my family.
My mother, she let you out.
Willa you loved her.
Waverly your angel.
Remember? You saved her.
We can fight, Bobo.
My resolve is gone.
From the day he cursed Wyatt Earp's ancestors to fight all those he had a hand in killing, over and over, Bulshar won.
And it will never ever end.
We can't give up.
I did.
And so will you.
- Did an animal make this? - Damn.
I think it's actually called a lodge.
You're the beaver expert.
so whatever it is, we need to rip it up.
Here.
What, you carry hatchets in your backpack? This is Purgatory, Jeremy.
I carry a lot of shit in my backpack.
- Wait! It's Bobo.
- Well Death to Bobo!! -No! -Are you crazy?! He can move metal with his mind! Then grab a pointy stick.
Are you sure this isn't hell? I'm sure.
How do you know? Because, darlin', in hell I was alone.
I never gave up on you, Doc.
Even when it looked like it.
I wish you hadn't given up on me.
I would never.
Not on you.
Not on our daughter.
Never.
Would it be selfish to ask you to make one last attempt? I'll understand if you deem me unworthy.
This would be so much easier if you were Hey.
Bobo.
Bobo!! Ah! He he's got 'em.
- Them who? - Wynonna.
Henry.
Doc.
Out here.
No, they're in the barn.
They were having sex.
I thought you said they were having a fight! - Bulshar's in their minds.
- How is he in their minds, Bobo?! Mr.
Bobo? No! Ah! Don't you see? He He's everywhere.
These are his groves.
His trees.
What does he want with our people? Same as always.
Revenge.
- Baby got back.
As in: I'm back again and A waste of an entrance.
I want a do-over.
Truman Show much? Where you been, pervert? Figures you like to watch.
John Henry Holliday could've made it so much easier.
But his resistance brought this trial upon you.
That's nifty.
Is that the way out? Thought so.
You're all feathers till I don't have my gun.
Neat trick.
Hope you didn't forget the ammo.
I make the rules.
And soon that weapon will be mine.
The Tower is the weapon.
It protects the Garden.
And sends demons back to hell.
Only the Revenants.
The ones I created with the curse.
I get it.
You're Original Demon Classic.
You will give it to me.
Willingly.
So you can't take Peacemaker.
That's good to know.
Tell you what: when I break this game, I'll shove her up your ass and blow your guts out through your brains.
Willingly.
I'm coming, Doc.
Bulshar found me.
He blew a cloud of dust.
It was like a waking dream.
Is this a dream? It could be spores.
Some kind of hallucinogenic fungus? Oh I was there forever.
I thought it was gonna go on forever.
- Now Wynonna's there forever.
- Where?! Everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
I killed her and she killed me over and over again.
Okay.
Ah!! Doc? She wanted to keep fighting Bulshar.
But I was weak.
I broke.
- Wynonna won't break.
- Maybe there's still time.
We must be goingin the right direction! W-w-we're close.
No, I can feel them.
That way! Okay.
Your father's ring.
You found it.
Or wait.
Maybe it found you? Doc! Oh! You did it, Wynonna.
I'm free.
I'm free.
I feel like I haven't seen you in ages.
Did you always have this moustache? Thank you.
Ain't no thing but a chicken wing, Doc.
- How'd you defeat Bobo? - Oh I want to say boobs, but I'm just so, so tired.
And Bobo's gone.
Then bravo.
What really happened? Bulshar showed up with some kind of red Narnia door.
Are you ready to take the game to him? Well, let's do this.
- Our exit strategy.
- Hold on.
Bulshar!! Come out here, squirrel-nuts! Wynonna, come on.
It's another trick, Doc.
It has to be.
You're free to go.
We're not falling for that.
I can no longer keep you here.
You've won.
That's where I shot you.
Peacemaker can hurt you.
Don't be stupid.
You saw the cards.
You know our fates are intertwined.
Come on, baby.
Blast his ass.
Is that it? Is it over? Let's see what's behind door number one.
Alright.
We did it.
We did it! This is where Bulshar blew that stuff at us.
We weren't having a roll in the hay! That made no sense! No, none at all.
I'm still pissed you sold your soul to stupid, sexy Kate, Doc, but we did it! Bulshar's dead.
Did we break the curse? Wynonna?! Ha! Nicole, I've never been so happy to hear your stupid, bossy voice! Ugh! No! No, this is the beginning.
Wynonna? Wynonna? Oh, thank God.
- Where are you? - I do not know how I got here.
I can barely move, Wynonna.
I'm near-paralyzed.
No!!! Wynonna? You can't kill me.
I can keep this up forever.
I'm just getting warmed up.
There is no victory.
Only surrender.
Not in my vocabulary.
You're such fun! And all alone.
Well almost.
Did you make me dig them? She won't give up.
Waverly won't give up.
They won't give up.
She's gonna come for me.
And we'll beat you together.
Nobody's looking for you.
An infinity could pass before anyone even knows you're missing.
We all die alone, Ms.
Earp.
And lonely death is coming for you too.
Very soon.
- I don't want to be alone.
- Of course not.
Wouldn't you rather be with your loved ones for those precious moments before it all comes to an end? - Were they lonely? - They were abandoned.
By me.
Ah, I see.
Deep down, - you wish to punish them.
- No.
I want to save them! Whoa.
This is it! You can see these stairs, right? They're not a mirage? They're really here? Yep, they're real.
- And up there? - What Bulshar is searching for.
Paradise.
Whoa! Hey, hey! Do not climb those stairs! - Why not? - Guys! I think I found them! You need the Tower to get into the Garden.
Peacemaker is the Tower.
If you require added incentive I have many more games up my sleeve.
Help! Help me! Please! - Asshole.
- I can keep that up forever too.
- Are they alive?! - Yeah.
But they're scared.
Whatever's happening to them isn't good.
Please hurry! Wynonna, stay strong! Don't No.
Do not give in.
Wynonna!!! Wynonna! It's me! Waverly! - Waverly? - Wynonna?!! Ah!! Wynonna!! - Doc, Doc! - Doc! Wynonna! Don't do it! Wynonna!!! Wynonna!! There is only one way to save the ones you love from this torture.
- Please! - Wynonna!!! You'll let them go? I give you my word.
And I keep my word just as I keep my curses.
I'm sorry.
But I love you.
She's alive! - Oh, thank God.
- Doc, too.
Sort of.
Come on, sweetie.
Come on.
Come back to us.
Come on, please? Please wake up.
Please! - Waverly, your hand! - Oh! Ah! - Talk to me! You're safe.
- Doc! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! You're out.
You're okay.
Where are we? Bulshar, he brought you here, but it's okay.
It's okay.
You're safe.
Say you didn't.
Say you did not give up Wyatt Earp's gun.
Maybe Bulshar knows that you've got the best chance of any Earp heir to end the curse, so he cheated.
He doesn't care about the curse.
And he didn't cheat.
He beat me.
He needs the Tower to get into the garden.
He has it.
We have nothing left to fight him with.
We have us.
An almost alcoholic MILF, an unreliable vampire, an underfunded sheriff.
At least you're still pretty great.
At least things can't get any worse.
This is stuck to my finger.
Bulshar's ring? - Well, actually, Bobo said - What? No!! No.
I melted a face.
Yeah, okay, a demon face, sure, but I can't control it.
Okay.
That's worse.
Look, we know where he's going.
Okay? We'll take the fight to him, at the stairs.
Stairs? The ones that supposedly lead to the Garden where he planted you and Doc.
No.
I didn't see any stairs.
Oh.
Maybe they can only be seen by the righteous.
By those who are good.
You're not just good, Wynonna.
You're my sister.
You're a freakin' angel and you can't get this off? And I might need to wear a Niagara Falls oven mitten forever! 'Cause all it does is hurt people! My face! My freakin' face! Oh, Mercedes Gardner is back, suckers.
Waverly Earp you sweet little lesbian, you did it, you healed me.