ALF s03e10 Episode Script

Gee, these things can do a lot more Than just measure tape.
Whoa! I just hate when this happens.
Kate: alf? [Footsteps.]
Alf? Is that-- Is that you? Well, that depends.
Will this involve yelling at an alien? Probably.
Are you all right? No.
You guys should really look into public storage.
We already have.
They won't take you.
Very nice.
Kick me while i'm hemorrhaging.
Alf, what are you doing here? You remember, kate.
My planet exploded.
I crashed into your garage.
You said i could stay.
Kate, look at this.
Oh.
Oh, willie.
Do these ever bring back memories? Wait.
Wait.
There's more.
Look.
Oh! Hey, i'm impressed.
When did you guys have a mercedes? No, alf.
This is a peace sign.
What's it for? It symbolized the goals and ideals Of our country's youth.
So it is from a mercedes.
lions gate home entertainment Oh, i'd forgotten all about this stuff.
Why don't you just trash all this garbage? We can't throw these things away.
This--These are part of who we are.
Or, more accurately, Who we were.
Based on those pants, You were some type of out patient.
Wonder what these are? Oh, willie! Willie, "summer of love.
" I saw that on cable! I'm ashamed of you two.
Alf, it was nothing like that.
These are the movies i took at woodstock.
Huh? Woodstock.
It was a music festival.
and love and rock and roll.
Jimi hendrix, Janis joplin, Country joe & the fish.
You made that one up.
No way, man.
I think these films are happenin'.
Heh heh heh! Well, uh, if it's your bag, Uh, let's go groove on it.
What do you say, alf? That depends.
What did you say? Down in front.
Alf! Come on, kate.
You won't let me go to a real theater.
At least let me create a reasonable facsimile.
Focus! Focus! Let me turn it on before you pelt me.
I'd appreciate your not using the word "pelt" Around me.
Hi, everyone.
Oh, no.
Is the cable down again? Lynn, we found our movies from woodstock.
Oh, how nice for you.
I'll be in my room.
You can't miss this.
This is a monumental piece of history.
It's the turning point for a whole generation.
It's a bunch of naked people dancing in the mud.
Who am i to miss the turning point for a whole generation? No talking during the film.
Alf.
Usher, this woman is annoying me.
[Knocking.]
That would be your cue.
Did you ever think that just once I'd like to maybe meet your friends? Hey, tanners, it's me, trevor! Don't ever think that.
Hi, trevor.
Hi, willie.
Hi, kate.
I'm done with this.
That you are.
Oh, i always say, "never send a weed whacker To do a garden weasel's job.
" Isn't that the truth? Oh, your cable went down? Mom and dad are gonna show us woodchuck movies.
No, woodstock.
Woodstock? Oh, you mean that hippie thing? I hate that.
Hello, willie, kate.
Come on, trevor.
The littwhacks are waiting.
Get the bridge mix, and let's go.
Oh, yeah, can we borrow some bridge mix? We're playing cards with somebody else besides you.
Sorry, we're all out.
Oh, i guess we can't play bridge.
Got any gin? Oh, come on, trevor! All right, all right.
Well, so much for the cartoon.
Now could we see our feature presentation? Brian The projector, please.
Heh heh heh.
Heh? [Mystical music playing.]
Alf: hey, brian, This gives me an idea for the wading pool.
Kate: forget it.
Lynn: great camera work, dad.
Heh heh heh.
Look--That's mama cass.
Short for casserole i wager.
Willie: there she is, kids.
Alf: who, stevie nicks? Lynn: mom, tell me that isn't you.
[Giggling.]
guilty.
Now i see why you married willie.
You were dizzy.
No.
That's why i married him.
Heh heh! Alf: yikes! It's that girl.
Hey, where'd you get that shirt, Frederick's of sri lanka? It was the sixties, alf.
Those clothes made a statement.
Yeah"i dress in the dark.
" You want to explain this? Shoot bullets through me.
I felt like a snack.
Pass the mustard.
May i help you with something? Now i know.
Now i know who you remind me of.
You remind me of my college roommate snout.
And i thought melmackian parents were cruel.
That was only his nickname.
His real name was dexter.
Dexter lurch iv.
Then again, snout is nice.
Snout used to go on these marathon eating binges Late at night-- Oreos, cheese whiz, Anything he could get his hands on.
How does that remind you of me? Anyway.
Oh, snout-- He's quite a character.
He was, uh, a kind of folk hero To a lot of the kids on campus, Myself included for a time.
I remember he was the first guy in the dorm To pierce his ear.
We had a word for guys like that on melmac.
"Pirates.
" What'd you think i meant? And, uh, i remember another time he-- He took off all his clothes and set 'em on fire.
Sounds like a real party animal.
No, you don't understand, alf.
We--We-- We were trying to end the war.
Did it work? Well, i like to think that maybe In a small way it did.
So why doesn't anybody do any of that peace stuff anymore? Well, for one thing, we're not at war now.
Oh, right.
And there's a club med in central america, And the persian gulf is a water theme park.
Well, it's different.
What happened to you? Well, when a person gets older, He sees things a little differently.
He chooses his battles a little more carefully.
I get it.
Turn on, tune in, Sell out.
I did not sell out.
I have a family to support.
I have an extended family, i might add.
Ooh.
Good one, willie.
Oh, you don't understand.
What's to understand? You cut your hair, got a job, And you won't let me live in the attic.
Forget the attic.
The attic is out.
Why? You need the storage space for your abandoned idealism? Good night, alf.
Boy Point out one major flaw in someone's belief system, They take it personally.
I can't sleep.
Maybe all the pacing is keeping you up.
I can't help thinking maybe alf is right.
Willie, check your temperature.
I mean it, kate.
I used to organize peace marches, Now i organize coupons.
It's a big help, honey.
Oh, thank you.
What am i saying? Willie, you can't let alf get to you like this.
Oh, it's not just alf.
Although he does figure prominently.
I come with a peace offering.
You want a flower? No.
Good.
[Burps.]
I came to say i'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
Good night.
I realized you had no choice but to sell out.
The system is bigger than you are.
Well, we're both bigger than you, So leave.
Whoa, man! Bad vibrations! Whoosh! So now can you sleep? Oh, yeah, sure, uh-Huh.
[Mystical music playing.]
[Rock and roll plays.]
Ah, come on, willie.
I want you to meet my friends.
Oh, gosh.
I'd love to, kate, But i don't have time.
I've got to finish registering, And i've got to get my campus map.
Ha ha! You're a trip.
Well, thank you.
Listen, you get us a table.
I'll be right back, ok? A table? Sure.
Sure thing.
Hey, peace.
Welcome to big daddy's.
I'm big daddy.
All you need is love.
There's a 2-Drink minimum.
I'm willie tanner.
Uh, i'm delighted to make your scene.
This is my old lady judy blue eyes.
Nice to meet you, mrseyes.
To everything, there is a season.
Did you mention the 2-Drink minimum? It's handled.
Ah! Our hangout is your hangout.
We just want you to feel welcomed.
Please make yourself at home.
Well, thank you.
Uh[sneezing.]
Thank you very much.
I think i'll--I'll just sit over here.
Both: get out of that booth! Oh, no, no, no.
Not snout's booth, willie.
Who's snout? Ha ha ha! He's new here.
Both: no! Say, kate, this snout person Oh, yeah, yeah, like, um, Snout's like Our guru.
I beg your pardon? Our guru.
You know, like, um Oh, like the maharishi, Like a man of peace.
Well, then why can't i sit in his booth? Because he'll punch your lights out.
Peace! Love! Right on! Your mother! Hey, snout! Kate, my child, my flower.
My flower child.
Who's the nerd? Oh, snout.
That's willie.
He's new here.
There's a bulletin.
So, bro, where ya from? Oh, you know, i've been around.
Here, there.
Decatur, illinois.
And, you know, it shows.
Kate, we missed you at the sit-In.
You don't actually do that, do you? Do what? Sit in someone's office until they make you leave And interfere with other people's right to get an education.
Hey, man, for your information, We're trying to educate people To the way that the system exploits those who aren't in power.
All right! What it is! People who really want to change history don't do it By sitting around.
They go out and work for what they believe.
Don't you have an up with people rehearsal to go to? No, but i do have to go.
Oh, willie, be cool.
No, it's all right, kate.
I have to meet my roommate anyway.
Does anyone know where i can find dexter lurch iv? Hey, right here, roomie.
Oh, by the way, i shed.
Ha! Roommateshedding Up with people Turn off the lava lamp, i can't sleep.
So what are the specials today? Egg salad, tuna salad, brisket.
Heavenly ambrosia, celestial ambrosia, and beef ambrosia.
What's for dessert? Chicago 7 layer cake.
Hey, big daddy.
Hey, moon shadow.
So how'd you do on your finals, kid? I like to think that grades aren't all that important In the grand scheme of things.
You graduated.
With honors.
Don't tell snout.
[Chuckles.]
You know, i agree with you on this grades business.
I never got better than a "d" on anything and look at me now.
We've both come a long way.
But you know, i realized something today.
I didn't come to college for the diploma.
I thought i did, but now i know It's really much, much more than that.
I know--Chicks.
Chicks are nice, but i'm talking about a whole new perspective.
I realized something-- These past 4 years have really opened my eyes.
I know now my life's work Is to make this place called earth A better planet.
You sound like snout.
I know, i owe him a lot, daddy.
He's taught me there's much more to life than turning a fast buck.
Peace, don't get up.
What's with the hat? You graduating? Yeah, this place is like the white house.
After 8 years they make you leave.
I'm gonna miss you, roomie.
Where you gonna go? To work, where else? Oh, you got a job? That's great.
Where's it gonna be? A.
C.
L.
U.
? Uh, peace corps? You're looking at the new partner In the brokerage house of heinz, fines, and my dad.
Guess which one hired me.
I can't believe it.
What about your plans to help the poor? The disenfranchised? Wh-What about your ideals? This isn't college.
This is life.
How can you just walk away From everything you believe in? Who's walking? I'll be driving my new mercedes.
Oh, what do you think? Burgundy with a tan interior? Snout! You're selling out! Heylighten up, man.
In a year, you'll be calling me for a job.
Here's my card.
See you later, agitator.
Not in a year.
Not in a hundred years.
I'm not gonna be a slave to the almighty dollar.
I'm keeping my ideals.
I'm not selling out.
I'm not selling out.
I'm not, yoko, tell them! Did not sell out.
Of course you didn't, dear.
Now go back to sleep.
There's something i have to take care of first.
Yoko? [Chomping and snorting.]
Are you eating again? Nourp.
Still.
I want to talk to you about something.
You were just in a dream of mine.
In this dream, did i have my own room? No, actually, you shared a room with me.
Fine, we'll give kate the attic.
No, alf, we'll give you the attic.
Really? Really.
I think i can get rid of some Of that stuff i got up there.
You said that stuff was part of you.
Well, i thought i needed it, But as it turns out I don't.
I still have all the important things i got from the sixties.
You do? I may not be out marching on washington, But i'm a social worker, i still help people-- One at a time.
I realized that's the way i can do the most good.
And you get a sack lunch.
It's a good life.
Cookie? I can dig it.
Where's alf? It's not like him to miss a meal.
He's up in his new room listening to an album.
I think it's the doors again.
He said he'd be down in a minute.
Don't you guys miss the good old days? Not for a minute.
I think i doa little.
But as much as i loved the sixties That's probably the last decade I'd ever want to return to.
[Disco music playing.]
All right, tanners.
Get down and boogie.
I'd like to qualify my last remark.
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