Animal Control (2023) s03e10 Episode Script

1
Where is he?
We need eyes on him!
Wait, Frank! There!
- Where?
- Look.
[CHITTERS]
He's taunting me.
He knows about my fear of heights.
It's best not to graft too
many human emotions
on the guy.
Also, I don't think
penguins remember faces.
Oh, he's gonna remember this one.
I'm going up.
Frank. Dude, that's 10 meters.
That's like half a mile or something.
- Let me go, man.
- No, it's gotta be me.
You've been duped too many times by him.
I'm gonna Greg Louganis this bitch.
Mr. Louganis is most famous for
hitting his head pretty
bad, but good luck.
Okay, Oreo, here we are.
How do you want to play this?
We could do it the easy way, or the
He jumped.
Wow. What an entry! Literally no splash.
You all saw that?
That's crazy.
I got him. I got him, Frank!
[CHEERS]
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, wait. No, he got out.
- He got out.
- Oh, come on!
Okay, this ends now!
Oh, all good, I got him.
Why did I do this!
[SPLASH]
Oh.
[CHITTERS]
[GROANS]
If anybody finds a couple of testicles,
they're mine.
[CHEERS]
There they are!
If you need a penguin to be found
and you have a very flexible
timetable, these are your guys.
Now, to make a big day even bigger.
It's the groundbreaking
for our new annex kennels.
A whole year of
fundraising culminates today.
Woo!
So just to run through the itinerary,
um, after a quick meet and greet,
I'm going to take all our
VIPs through the old kennels
to see how dire the
overcrowding situation is.
[CLEARS THROAT]
- Then I'm
- Was.
No, is.
Was. Kennels are empty.
I adopted out all the dogs yesterday.
It's too bad we don't
work on commission.
The kennels are empty?
Did you did you not read my emails?
I mean, I don't get to all the emails.
Can't be alone on that, right guys?
Shred likes to read
them out loud in the truck.
So I stay up to date
whether I like it or not.
It helps with my car sickness.
The subject line was
"Urgent, Read This".
I didn't see it.
I can't stress to you enough
how much the optics
of this tour will not work
if the kennels are empty.
Hey, boss, I actually
got a potential solve here.
Oh hey, Emily, is it okay
if Parker showers here?
A large spider is taking
up residence in our bathtub.
Seems like he already did. So, okay.
So, you guys want to
make this event epic, right?
Here's my pitch. I sing
the national anthem.
Oh.
Emily, don't look askance at his offer.
My boy's got pipes.
Yeah, okay, um. Thank you.
It's a no, for me, but thank you.
So here's what we're going to do.
All available officers, get me dogs,
round up every mutt, every stray,
every gutter hound you can find.
It's this kind of energy
that makes us the bad guys
in talking animal movies.
You all have six hours.
Let's go. Move, people!
- Let's go.
- Go.
Frank, quickly,
before we all take off,
I got you something.
Well, I got it for you ages ago,
but it only just arrived. Are you ready?
Ta da!
Oh, El Panino Caldo Superbo.
Yeah, I ordered it for you
after Templeton sabotaged your old one,
but it took forever to get here.
Cool. What a great gift.
Okay. I was expecting
another level of excitement.
I charged the de-fib
thinking you'd pop a gasket.
What's up?
Oh, no. I love it, I love it.
You seem distracted.
Are you prepping for
another colonoscopy?
You can't have coffee.
Sorry.
Um, my dad was supposed
to call me yesterday.
He calls me every year on the 11th.
It's a whole thing.
That's it.
No details.
What's the 11th?
It's the anniversary of my senior prom.
I got stood up at the last minute,
and so I had to take somebody else.
If you don't tell me every
painful detail of that story,
I'm going to burn a s'more
on your Caldo Superbo.
It's not a big deal. I
took my cousin Molly.
I have so many questions,
because where I'm from,
we can't can't get with cousins.
We barely danced together.
- Barely.
- Okay, okay, I'm leaving.
But I just want to let you know
that I really appreciate
this incredibly thoughtful gift.
I'm touched.
What's that face?
This is me being sincere.
It's unsettling.
Okay.
Quickly, before you go,
would you say she's
the cousin that got away?
[KNOCK KNOCK]
Hey, sorry to interrupt.
I just want to say I'm
stoked for your big day today.
Oh, thanks! I'm stoked too.
I've never said stoked
before, but, um, I
Yeah, I hope it goes well.
It'll be amazing.
It's been so cool to see
the whole kennel project
come together,
if not a little frightening, sometimes.
You made it happen
and that's pretty badass.
I don't know, I
That's sweet of you to say. [CHUCKLE]
Yeah.
Um, uh, go get me some dogs.
All right. Yep.
[CHUCKLE]
[EXHALE] Okay.
Ciao Bella.
Yeah. Ciao. Bella.
She is so beautiful.
And I love the adorable way she talks.
She's from New Zealand.
Like Bilbo Baggins. That's sick.
You should ask her out.
I've been trying, man.
We vibed hard at the
party like, you know.
But now she won't even
give me the time of day,
even when I ask for the time.
Yo.
Do you think you can
put in a good word for me?
I could do that.
Patel! Are you kidding me?
- Dogs! Move!
- Yeah, I was just about to
This is all your fault! Fix it!
Do you think the
groundbreaking ceremonies
is like a plus one situation?
I was thinking about bringing Isabelle,
but things have been weird
since our whole 'are we
gonna have kids' fight.
Please don't have kids. I
can't deal with more of you.
You made that joke last week
during our house of mirrors call.
You're off your A-game, brother.
Are you still on your
feelings about your dad?
Victoria told me.
It's just weird he
hasn't called me back.
I even tried texting him, but nothing.
Usually when I text him,
I get a thumbs down within five minutes.
Well, maybe we could call your brother.
He's very close with your
dad by Shaw family standards.
Okay, fine. He's under pestilence.
I named my siblings
after the four horsemen
of the apocalypse.
Oh, cool. Yeah, I love westerns, so.
What do you want? I'm very busy.
Is dad dead?
Inside.
He called me, like, a month ago
to complain about
the price of light bulbs.
- What are you worried about?
- I'm not worried.
I was just wondering if he
fell down a flight of stairs.
I mean, I don't care if he did,
it's just odd he didn't
call me yesterday.
I forgot cousin-prom-aversary.
[LAUGH] Oh, wait, wait,
what was the theme of the dance again?
- I don't remember.
- I do.
That was called a setup.
It was called Star-Crossed Lovers.
[LAUGH]
Oh, Frank, look, there's a stray dog.
Wait. Nope. That's a futon.
Four legs, you can see how I got there.
You know who's great?
I'm not investing in whatever
you're about to pitch me.
That's very funny. You
know who else is funny?
Parker.
Great dancer, too.
Just say what you need to say.
I'm saying my man is
crushing on you hard,
but you're not even giving him a chance.
What's the issue?
He's charismatic and sexy and fun.
He's basically boy candy.
So I'm saying take a lick.
Have a bite.
Okay, don't breathe so heavy on me
when you say stuff like that.
Parker's not looking for anything real.
I know this because he's basically
the dude version of me.
The old me.
I don't know, maybe
I might be looking for
something a little more long term.
Something with a little more heart.
All right, this is an
entirely new color on you.
I think I love it.
No one deserves to find someone special
more than dog. Dog! Dog!
[SCREECHING]
All right.
One down.
And an entire kennel to go.
Hey! That's my dog.
Oh sorry, ma'am, but he was loose.
He's on the end of my driveway.
Yeah, Patel, it seems like it.
You will have to, um,
produce registration
- otherwise, unfortunately
- I always carry it with me.
Good. Great.
Uh, this is unfortunately
just the first step.
Vaccination? Here you go.
Exactly. Very prepared.
- Got it all.
- Not familiar with this vet.
Now, until we can verify his license
We're done. I'm so sorry.
We're good, thank you.
What are we gonna do now?
I don't know, but we better do it soon,
because I just got an email
from Emily and it's all caps.
Another email?
I mean, how am I missing all of these
You know what? It's in my spam.
Wow, there's a lot of these.
All right, mic check, mic check.
Who here loves dogs?
Me! Sounds great.
Okay, let's move on to seating.
Do we think this is one too many chairs?
Maybe, yeah.
So, we're back from our
first loop around the city.
Amazing! How many dogs did you rescue?
Well, now keep in mind it
was more of a warm-up loop.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
So how many do you have?
Huh?
One dog. You brought me one dog.
Wait a second. Is that your dog?
You brought your own pet in.
A dog's a dog.
No.
You know what, Pamela's
used to a pretty cush lifestyle.
I'm gonna go grab
her some string cheese.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I think, um, Victoria is
going to grab the cheese
because I'm gonna need to talk to you.
Mhm.
I love being the one
who's not in trouble.
Okay, I'm sorry I didn't read one email.
No, it was seven.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven emails
about the event.
And if you do not find
me dogs right now,
I will be sending one
more final important email
that will be cc'd to HR.
I think I get what you're saying.
Actually, it'll be cc'd to Bettany
who's sitting in for Rhonda,
who's on vacation in Scottsdale,
but yeah.
Is she finally taking
that turquoise tour?
Yeah, her PT cleared
her shoulder for the trip,
so she's just loading up on broaches.
Good for her.
Wait! No,
I will not be baited into side chatter.
Find me dogs now!
Huge news, Frank. There's been a birth.
Oreo and Patty's egg hatched.
It's a beautiful 57 gram boy.
Both mother and baby
are doing very well.
And later, I'm actually
going to go to the zoo
and visit the new parents
if you'd like to come.
I would not like to, but
I will throw some squid
onto their baby registry.
Okay. Speaking of daddies,
have you heard from yours?
No, I've called him three times,
but his answering machine is full,
although it's been full since 1994,
so I'm trying not to read into it.
I think it's time we do a welfare check.
We are doing nothing.
This is between me
and my maybe dead dad.
Okay, well, speaking of somebody
with a definitely dead dad,
I highly recommend that we go over there
and either rip off the
most painful Band-Aid
of your life,
or share a hearty laugh
with Papa Shaw, you know?
Come on, I got you.
You know what?
Let's save the high-five until
after we find my dad's body.
Yeah.
We won't high-five if he's dead.
- We'll hug.
- No, we won't.
Yes, we will.
Hi, you're still here?
Can't let these amenities go to waste.
Hey, any update on Victoria?
You hype me up good.
I hyped you great.
I do have bad news.
You're too handsome for her.
Oh, curse my ancestors.
Yeah, I curse your ancestors.
I guess she wants to find
some uggo to settle down with.
Oh, man. That sucks.
Listen, I wish I could do more,
but, um, I'm kind of in
the doghouse with my boss
because of a doghouse.
What can I do to help my boy?
Nothing, unfortunately, P-Man.
This mission is not for
the ruggedly handsome.
No, this I must do
alone with Victoria.
- Yeah.
- Great.
You want what now?
We want to borrow every
single dog that you have.
Oh, I'm gonna have to get my protractor,
because I don't quite
understand your angle, right now.
Okay, we just need them
for Emily's kennel opening,
and then, we'll give them back.
I don't want them back.
Great, we'll keep them.
Deal. No, actually, I want them now.
Templeton, we're offering,
literally, to do your job.
Can you just maybe be cool for once?
Cool is not my M.O.
I run hot. Soup in the bath hot.
So if I'm doing you a favor,
I want something in return.
I'm out.
Presumptuous. I'm dating someone now.
She's lovely and I was
not gonna take you out
on a nice seafood date.
She stayed longer than I expected.
Let's make sure she's out of earshot.
You're creeping me
and you're freaking me.
Let's keep this between the boys.
Keep it on the QT.
What do you want? Where's this going?
I want you to be my man,
on the inside, at your precinct.
What does that mean?
I don't know yet, but when I call,
I need you to be the
one to pick up the phone.
It's ominous and weird,
but, you know, I'm under the gun, so.
Fine.
Let's meet the dogs.
- Okay.
- Biter. Biter.
Cutie pie! Sweetheart.
Biter.
Biter, big time.
[KNOCKING]
Wow, can't believe we're about to enter
the childhood home of Frank Shaw.
Do you have one of
those, uh, little door jams
with your height written in it?
Yeah, we're not that type of family.
Though, there are
various dents in the drywall
to mark the passage of time.
- [SIREN]
- He's dead! He's dead!
He's freaking dead!
I can feel it.
Wait, you said he was fine this morning.
Yes, but then you got me thinking.
So I texted him an
article about immigrants
and he didn't respond immediately.
[BANG]
Ow! I'm fine.
All right, trained cop.
Why don't you step aside.
[BANG]
[GROANS]
I'm fine.
Frank
donkey kick on three.
Yeah. On three. Like we always did.
And one.
[CRASH]
Guys, there was a key in the planter.
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
- Dad!
- Couch is clear.
Chair, clear.
Okay, he's not in the closet,
but he's got great taste in coats.
Is it too early to call dibs or?
Okay. He's not wedged
between the wall and
the Murphy bed upstairs.
I'm gonna find dad's body first.
Okay, this is not a competition
Ow, ow, ow!
Stop, stop, stop
pushing against my hand.
- You're on me.
- Don't push my hand.
Oh! Whoa!
Haven't you bastards
learned how to knock?
Oh, for the love of God,
mom died in that bed!
[DOOR SLAMS]
What the hell did you
wet wipes do to my door?
Can you cinch that up, please?
Well, what? Have I given you a complex?
Oh. Sorry, sir, we just
we thought you were dead.
I'm Shred, by the way.
Yeah, I know who you are.
- Yes!
- I'm obviously very much alive.
Yeah, you made that abundantly clear
when you were humping non-mom.
She has a name. It's Priscilla.
And she was, uh humping me.
Somebody end this.
Patrick, give me your gun.
No, don't. Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Okay, you're unveiling again.
Could you just double
knot it or something?
Okay, so clearly, the brothers Shaw
are doing a lot of processing right now,
but we are so happy you're alive
and we're even happier
that you're exploring
your sexuality in your sunset years.
I tried you, like, ten times.
You couldn't call me back
during one of your Gatorade breaks?
Frank was very worried about you,
that's why he broke down your door.
You were worried about me, Francis?
That's disgusting.
Okay. Yeah, well, not as disgusting
as the creepy flesh parade
that we stumbled in on.
Oh, you're just jealous
because I met someone.
I don't know what the
hell it is you're waiting for.
And you're my best looking son.
Wait. Who are you talking to?
You know who I'm talking to?
No, I don't.
Hey, there are all kinds of beauty.
You're beautiful.
Oh, look, take it from me, guys.
Life is short,
but it's a hell of a lot more fun
if you share it with someone.
You hear me?
Now, I'm talking to a
lot of gibberish here
because I just had my brains banged out.
[PRISCILLA] Jimmy!
I gotta go.
You two owe me a front door.
Oh, um, I had a here
This is for you.
Now get the hell out of here, you pervs.
Is that your cousin? She's beautiful.
Your kids would have been so tall.
Yeah, I don't think height
would have been their
most noticeable trait.
Friends, now that you
have seen our old kennels
and how overcrowded they are,
I hope you can appreciate how necessary
this addition is for us.
I've seen a lot of your creations,
but that one takes my breath away.
You're not getting any.
Okay.
[EMILY] thanks to your generosity,
when you look into the
eyes of the animals here,
they will be saying thank you.
If you would all indulge
me for a moment,
I would like to thank
a group of people that
I could not have done this without.
They made this all possible.
Um, guys, would you join me up here?
Please welcome up Officers
Sands, Patel, Shaw, Taylor
and my executive assistant, Bettany.
- [APPLAUSE]
- Without their tireless help,
we would never have broken ground today.
[APPLAUSE]
[CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPS]
That is such good digging, y'all.
Don't you guys think that
such a momentous occasion
call for something special,
like the national anthem?
Oh, we don't have any
music queued up, but
- [HARMONICA]
- He's just a one-man band.
This one's from the heart, y'all.
God of Nations at thy feet. ♪
What dumb thing is happening here?
It's the New Zealand National Anthem.
Why?
Hear our voices? ♪
I told you my boy had pipes.
Yeah, he's a smoke show.
He's the whole damn fire.
Our free land. ♪
You know, he learned this for you.
Well, yeah.
I didn't think he'd got it
out of a karaoke book.
God defend New Zealand. ♪
[APPLAUSE]
Okay.
That's my boy!
Let's go, New Zealand!
[APPLAUSE]
Did you see how much they were sweating?
Honestly, it would have
been less traumatizing
if we had just found his body.
He looked happy, though.
Yeah, of course he is.
The old prune found
somebody to touch him.
Are you seeing anybody?
Uh, I was seeing this woman, Yasmine,
but I found out that she
was taking pictures of me
while I slept, so.
Huh, she was just trying to catch you
- at your most interesting.
- How about you?
Are you still dating
Mom's ancient friend?
Mimi. Oh, we kind of drifted apart.
She lives south of Tacoma,
and she's got night blindness.
And her son just got a new hip, so.
Her son got a new hip? How old is she?
I never ask.
Do you think there's
something wrong with us?
Well, dad's getting some, and we're not,
so we're not killing it.
What about that
Australian girl from work?
New Zealand. She would destroy you.
No, I wasn't talking about me.
I was talking about you, you, dumbass.
I mean, you obviously have a connection.
We're just coworkers.
I mean, probably technically friends.
We made out with a billionaire together.
You know,
she gave me a panini press today,
but I mean it was like a nice one.
[GROANS COMING FROM INSIDE]
Do you hear that?
It's like a low-pitched wailing.
Is that her?
[GROANING CONTINUES]
- No, it's him.
- Oh, okay.
Wrap it up. Wrap it up.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Now, let that be a lesson, Frank.
Never try.
Hey!
I got your texts about the baby!
Is no one else here?
No, I I think it's just us.
I texted everybody,
but Frank just responded
with an unsubscribe.
Yeah, this is too wholesome for Frank.
Yeah.
Where's the new family?
Well, they were all sort of hiding
behind those rocks over there,
but I did hear the baby chirp,
and it was like, the cutest
sound I'd ever heard.
Oh my God!
Yeah.
By the way, you were incredible today.
- No, really?
- Yeah, totally.
I mean, it was my first groundbreaking.
- Well
- But you just looked so natural
holding a shovel and posing.
- Oh, thanks.
- It was very cool.
Parker's New Zealand National Anthem
did sort of steal the show.
Yeah, it was better.
Oh, but you were great.
[CHUCKLE]
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Oh, look, here they come.
Oh my gosh!
Oh! Oh, they're so cute.
Yeah, it kind of still blows my mind
that they actually walk that way.
Yeah. Look what you did.
I do feel, like, weirdly proud.
You should feel proud.
I feel kind of proud.
You brought him home.
When the lightning
rolled over the valley. ♪
I lost my mind. ♪
[PHONE CHIMES]
Nice and ominous.
You want to split a burger
and fries on the way home?
Oh, and a milkshake.
Pam, you naughty girl.
- Frank.
- [GASP] Jeez.
- Hey.
- Hi, Yasmine.
Uh how long have you been lurking?
[LAUGH]
Sorry, I was in the
neighborhood for lunch,
so I figured I'd stick
around to see you.
Lunch was eight hours ago.
And were you at my gym yesterday?
Would you care?
Not really.
Oh.
[DOG BARKING]
You got a dog?
Hopper! Doc Whiskers! Behave yourself!