As Time Goes By (1992) s03e10 Episode Script

# You must remember this # A kiss is still a kiss # A sigh is just a sigh # The fundamental things apply # As time goes by # You're up early.
I woke up so I thought I'd get on with some work.
How's it going? Oh, very nice.
It's hardly a miniseries, is it? I should have gone back to sleep.
- How do you get everything in such a mess? - It's a knack.
- This was tidy last night.
- Daisy did it before she went home.
- Very efficient girl, Daisy.
- Good.
Very helpful, too.
She always asks the right questions.
Really? What sort of right questions? Oh, the ones that get into the black hole I call a memory.
It's not easy to remember details of things that happened 38 years ago but she just I don't know asks the right sort of questions.
She seems to draw things out of me.
Good.
- It's not about her looks.
- I didn't mention her looks.
I know you didn't.
- That'll be Daisy.
- Yes, I'll go.
- Good morning.
Gwen Flack.
- Oh, yes, Mrs Flack.
Do come in.
- I'm Jean Pargetter.
- I only know you by repute, of course.
I've been sent by your other branch.
Apparently Daisy wasn't found completely satisfactory.
No, apparently not.
Do come through.
Mr Hardcastle's in here.
- Good morning.
Gwen Flack.
- Good morning.
- This is Daisy's replacement.
- Replacement? Apparently Daisy wasn't found completely satisfactory.
- Wasn't she? - There's some fresh coffee in the kitchen.
Why don't you go and help yourself to a cup? Well, that's very kind.
Very kind.
Don't you wrinkle your nose at me.
Who said Daisy wasn't satisfactory? - Unsuitable was the word I used.
- You don't know anything about her.
- You only saw her for five minutes.
- She seemed a facetious sort of girl.
I've just told you she was bright and helpful.
You didn't mention that when you met her.
How could I have done? What was I suppose to say? "Good morning" to her and "Isn't she bright and helpful" to you? - What do you mean, facetious? - Featherbrained.
- I'm only trying to get you a good temp.
- No, you're not.
You're just making sure I don't keep a temp who looks like Daisy.
Sally Curtis only sent a girl like Daisy to get under my skin.
Well, she's succeeded, hasn't she? Sorry to be presumptuous but I saw a custard tart on the side.
I love custard tarts.
Would it be all right? - How many are there? - Three.
- Very well then.
- Thank you very much.
You'd have given Daisy your last custard tart.
Just what did you imagine was going to happen? That I'd jump on her the moment you were out the door? No but I thought she might distract you.
- By being facetious? - Supposing she jumped on you.
Now we really are in fantasy land.
- Whose fantasy? - Land.
Land.
Oh, all right, all right.
I regress.
I do sometimes.
All right, I'll ring Sally Curtis and I'll get Daisy back for you.
- And look a complete fool.
- Good.
Oh.
Oh, I'm sure Mrs Flack and I will get along famously.
- Provided she doesn't eat all my custard tarts.
- You can be very understanding sometimes.
- I just want a quiet life.
- See you this evening.
OK.
And, um, if Mrs Flack jumps on me I'll ring you at the office.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Morning.
- Sorry I'm late.
- Well, you're the boss.
Total power.
Sometimes I feel like Miss Jean Brodie with a class of kids.
- Why are you two sulking? - We're not sulking.
We're angry.
- With you.
- And me.
I mean, I'm angry with you as well.
I see.
Are you going to explain or just pout your way through the day? Sally Curtis just phoned.
She sacked Daisy.
- What? - And don't ask why, Mum.
Because you said she was useless and you wanted her replaced.
I did not say that.
I said she was unsuitable.
They're one and the same thing to Sally Curtis.
And I shall be wearing trousers all the time from now on.
That's got something to do with something? Yes.
Job security.
You told me once that Lionel said my knees kept popping into his head.
If that carries on I'll be out on my ear.
- This has nothing to do with Daisy's looks.
- Oh, really? She just wasn't right for Lionel.
That's funny because Lionel was just saying how good she was last night.
- He's impressionable.
- He's not a boy.
- I know that.
- Talk about trust.
- It's none of your business.
- Oh, right.
Fine.
- We'll just be quiet.
- Good.
- Hello, Type For You 2.
- Hello, Sally Curtis, please.
- Good morning, Sally.
Jean Pargetter.
- Hello.
Sally, you have absolutely no grounds for sacking Daisy.
You said she was unsuitable.
I know I said she was unsuitable but I didn't mean unsuitable in an unsuitable sense.
Jealous?! Huh! Yes, well, of course I'm jealous but we're not talking about that.
I simply want you to get on the phone and reinstate Daisy.
Countermanding your decision? Yes, I am.
Of course you run the branch, but don't forget that I run the company.
Goodbye.
You look like two Cheshire cats.
- You feel better now though, don't you? - As a matter of fact, I feel a fool.
- And does Lionel get Daisy back? - I don't feel that much of a fool.
Could we just get on with some work? And there he was in the kitchen with his little head stuck in the bread bin.
But his little tail was still wagging.
How extraordinary.
Could you read back the last thing I said, please? Certainly.
"I asked my company commander to leave.
" - To leave? - Yes.
No, no, for leave.
I asked my company commander for leave.
- I thought it sounded a bit odd.
- It would have been suicidal.
- So the line would read so far - I went out with a leading seaman once.
- Did you really? - He was in the navy, not the army.
- Yes, he would have been.
- That was before Mr Flack came on the scene.
Tiny little feet he had.
What was his name now? Cyril something.
The line should read, "Sir, I wonder if there's any chance" Proudfoot.
Cyril Proudfoot.
I should have remembered that because it's an odd name considering his tiny little feet.
Mrs Flack, this is all very interesting Yes, it is, isn't it? I always think that looking back is interesting.
- What do they call those trousers? - What trousers? - Sailors' trousers.
Not flares - Bellbottoms.
Bellbottoms, of course.
Do you know, they used to completely cover his little shoes? When he walked along you couldn't see any feet at all.
Just his trousers.
- Would you excuse me? - Certainly.
Cyril Proudfoot.
- Hi, Li.
- Come in.
It's good to see you.
You don't usually say that.
Compared to the secretary Jean sent me, you are a beacon of sanity.
Gwen Flack, Alistair Deacon.
- Hey, hey.
- Pleased to meet you.
Hello.
- Are the words flowing then, Li? - Yes, you could say the words are flowing.
We were talking about Leading Seaman Cyril Proudfoot.
- I haven't heard of him.
- You wouldn't have.
He's on a minesweeper.
HMS something.
Would you think it an imposition if I asked you to make us a cup of tea? Not at all.
I may be a modern woman but I'm not a feminist.
My God, that woman runs off at the mouth.
You say that Jean chose her? Yes.
She thought the previous one was facetious.
- A dish? - You've got it.
I'm not sure I'll get through the day without throttling Mrs Flack.
Then I am your good fairy because you and I are having lunch with Willy Wenders.
- Li, your Dutch publisher is in town.
- Quiet people, the Dutch.
- Is that bad? - It's wonderful.
- What does he want? - You promoting the book in Holland.
I'm not wearing clogs.
Nice one, Li.
Nobody said anything about clogs.
I just thought I'd lay a few ground rules.
Excuse me.
Hello? Oh, hello, Mrs Bale.
He's what? What? Yes, of course.
I'll be there straightaway.
Goodbye.
My father's in hospital.
Neck injuries.
I've got to go and see him.
Let's go.
My wheels are your wheels.
- Oh, thanks, Alistair.
- Does Madge know? She's in hospital with him.
They've both got neck injuries.
- Oh, what about Willy Whatshisname? - Wenders.
Willy vill have to vait.
I'll bell him from the car.
How did they both get neck injuries? Knowing those two old fools they were probably hang-gliding.
Did somebody go out? Did somebody go out? Oh.
I'll let you know when you can see them.
- Thank you.
Hello, Mrs Bale.
- Good morning.
Visibility is poor but the sea is moderate in the south North Sea and the Dover Strait.
I didn't know that.
It was kind of you to phone.
- I thought you'd like to know.
- I thought they were still in America.
They flew in this morning.
- How long have you been here? - Since they were admitted, naturally.
You're very fond of Rocky, aren't you? I can't imagine a life without him in it.
- You're here.
- Yes, Mrs Bale phoned me.
- Well done, Mrs Bale.
How are they? - They're in X-ray.
I was just telling Miss Pargetter that visibility in the English Channel I think you and I need a cup of tea, Mrs Bale.
Come on.
Actually, I'd prefer a tequila sunrise.
I don't know if they stretch to those but we'll see what we can do.
Thank you, Alistair.
- He's really quite a nice chap.
- Even though he calls you Li? Even though he calls me Li.
I thought they were still in America.
- They came back this morning.
- Already injured? - Presumably.
- Just doesn't make sense.
They often don't make any sense.
That's why I like them so much.
Mr Hardcastle? You may see your parents now.
Oh, thank you.
How are they? Would you be offended if I said odd? Not a bit.
Thank you.
- What have you got on yours? - What? What have you got on yours? Somebody rambling on about the nuclear family.
What have you got on yours? The Pet Shop Boys.
There isn't a decent country and western station in this country, is there? - I wish you'd brought your guitar.
- So do I.
- It's the kids! - Howdy! Oh, Rocky.
Madge.
- What have you two idiots been up to? - Oh, Lionel! It's good to see you, Jean Pargetter.
Has this boy made an honest woman of you yet? - Well, no.
- This boy wants to know what you've done.
Well, we were on this raft, you see.
- On this what? - Raft.
- Raft? - Not at sea.
On a river in Colorado.
- We were shooting rapids.
- Yes.
We shot a bit too violently.
But nothing's broken.
It's only whiplash.
Is there any point in my saying you're too old to be shooting rapids? - No, there isn't.
- Didn't anybody there point it out? - There was a notice.
- But we ignore those.
If we read notices we'd never have gone on that death train in the amusement park.
No! Or the Devil Mountain ride! Whoopee! - You had a good honeymoon, then? - Wonderful.
We're still having it.
We've decided to make it a permanent thing.
- Rock on.
- Oh, now there you go.
Five minutes with these two and it's "Rock on".
You were always old for your years, you know.
Somebody has to be the responsible adult.
- Why? - Yes, why? - Well done, girls.
That stumped him.
- I'm not stumped.
I'm trying to inject sanity into this conversation.
- You haven't told us how you are.
- We have.
We've got whiplash.
- Then why aren't you in hospital in America? - Oh, bucks, dear.
They charge you a fortune just to look at your tongue.
- And we need to be looked at generally.
- Why, Rocky? I don't know.
Some nonsense about checking for internal injuries.
They're doing tests.
Don't look like that.
It may have done the old organs a power of good, a shaking up like that.
Providing they've all settled back in their right places! Come along, Mr Hardcastle.
Mr Sykes is ready for you.
Bill or Eric? - Come on, Rocky.
- I can manage.
Let me give you a hand.
I was a nurse before Well, when you were very young.
- I don't have to go in that thing really, do I? - Yes, you do.
- Put an engine on.
You won't get him out.
- Think of it as a Ferrari.
Good idea.
Well, see you later, alligator.
- In a while, crocodile.
- In a bit, blue tit.
- Mr Hardcastle, Mr Sykes is a busy man.
- All right, all right.
Lionel, walk a bit of the way with me.
I've got a list of things I want you to bring in for me.
- They'll be silly things.
- Hopefully.
Come along.
If you can't keep up we'll get Boadicea here to give you a lift as well.
Come and sit down, dear.
I, erm I saw the look when I mentioned tests.
What look? Oh, that look.
Oh, you don't want to bother about that.
I do looks for all sorts of things.
Sometimes I do looks for no reason at all.
You can't fool me, dear.
I do know that Rocky isn't supposed to have very much time, you know.
But how? He doesn't know himself.
We both have the same doctor.
He thought I should know.
Sweet of him.
Oh, Madge.
I'm sorry.
Oh, don't be, dear.
This won't be the longest marriage on record but by golly, it's tremendous fun.
- You're quality, you two.
- Well, at our age - There's not much quantity about.
- Bingo.
We'll be in to see you later.
And Judy and Sandy and Alistair will be in too.
Well, that beats grapes.
Bye-bye, dear.
Mrs Bale! Alistair! - Hello.
- Well, she did want a tequila sunrise.
- Tequila sunrise? - I'll be honest.
Several.
They're serving those in the cafeteria? No, I popped out, got a Thermos and got it filled.
Initiative.
We're just taking a turn round the corridors to walk it off.
I hope there are enough corridors.
I'll see you later.
- How are they, by the way? - I think lively is the word.
- Good.
- Bye.
Adios.
# That's where I fell in love # - What has Alistair done to Mrs Bale? - Cheered her up.
That's the main thing.
Everybody's determined to be cheerful.
I've just been speaking to Madge.
She knows about your dad.
Seems everybody knows but him, silly old fool.
- Do you mind me hanging about here? - Of course not.
- I rather wanted to be with you.
- I'm glad.
We're back! And don't say, "It took you long enough.
" - I wouldn't.
Did you get everything? - The lot.
- It's quite a list.
- It would have taken me days.
It's just a case of knowing where to look.
The plastic doctor's set was easy.
Whoopee cushions took some finding.
They're out of fashion.
Is there really a board game called Rude Gestures? Oh, yes.
Looks quite good.
I feel desperately sorry for the staff in this hospital.
Erm we bought something else as well.
- Something sensible? - Erm well Da-da! They're making everybody as mad as they are.
They'll love it.
Alistair Deacon Mini Cabs.
I've also had a great idea Huh? Oh.
Oh, you have as well.
Oh.
- A country and western ward.
- You're not getting me dressed up.
I don't intend to.
Off you go.
Make them laugh.
We'll be along later.
- Not dressed up.
- No, we've established that.
Come on, girls, let's mosey on down the sawbones.
- We're with you, Tex.
- I didn't know you played guitar.
I can't but if you can drive I can learn on the way.
Don't worry.
I won't ask you to dress up.
No, I was just thinking.
And don't worry about your dad, either.
I'm not sure that he'd want to know.
Well, we shall soon find out, won't we? Why? This isn't his friendly doctor giving him the tests.
This is a hospital.
Whatever they find out, they'll probably tell him.
I'm sorry the youngsters were asked to leave.
I thought Sister rather overstated when she said "rowdy".
We were only having a little sing-song.
Most people don't have sing-songs in hospital.
- Well, we're not most people.
- That's true.
Can you imagine anything more awful than being most people? - Put like that, Rocky, no, I can't.
- Hm.
I don't want to be offensive but I must say that the atmosphere has sort of sobered since you two arrived.
- That's me.
I have that effect.
- No, it's not, Lionel.
He's worried.
You had some tests.
- Oh, that.
- Yes.
That.
- What did they say? - Codswallop.
- Even I know that's not a medical definition.
- It is as far as I'm concerned.
I quite agree.
A lot of piffle about slowing down, taking things steady, conserving energy.
- I'm not a blasted power station.
- No.
Look, I can't put it any plainer than this.
Was a time span mentioned? - Now what's he talking about? - What does time matter at our age? It's what's in the time that counts.
- Rock on! - Rock on! Rock on.
Oh, what the hell.
Rock on.
Now come on, the pair of you.
Off you go.
If you haven't got anything better to do with your time for the rest of the evening I don't know what the world's coming to.
- You're absolutely right.
- Did Mrs Bale go home? No, she refused to, the daft old bat.
- They've put her up here.
- Put her up? Do move with the times.
They have guest rooms these days.
She'll be in to tuck us up later.
We'll be off then.
See you tomorrow.
- If you don't run away in the night.
- Don't rule that out completely.
And in the meantime, thanks for the CD player.
# Stand by your man # Give him two arms to cling to # And something warm to cuddle # When nights are cold # - An odd day.
- Yes.
Did you manage to get much work done this morning? I prefer not to answer that for fear of incriminating Mrs Flack.
You weren't just miffed because she wasn't Daisy? She talks, you see.
She talks and talks and talks.
- I'm sorry.
I feel responsible.
- You are.
I'll bite the bullet.
Would you like Daisy back? Yes, please.
But I don't want Mrs Flack described as unsuitable.
She doesn't know she's doing it.
- Just find some way Oh, my God.
- What? What? I just walked out of the house this morning without telling her I was going.
She's still here! She's eaten my custard tarts! - Is that all you can say? - I only had three! She stays here all day and all you can think about are your custard tarts? Look, I didn't ask her to stay.
You didn't ask her to do anything.
You're quite right.
It's rather dedicated, isn't it? Extremely.
- Are you going to wake her up? - No.
- We can't leave her there.
- No, I mean you should wake her up.
She might panic if I do.
You know, strange man.
You're a dying breed, Lionel.
Mrs Flack? Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I must have dozed off.
- Mrs Flack, I'm sorry.
I forgot all about you.
- I did wonder.
- You should have gone home.
- No, no, no.
My only concern was Herriot, but I took the liberty of telephoning him.
- Herriot? - My Yorkshire terrier.
- How can you telephone a Yorkshire terrier? - I have an answerphone.
Will you ask or shall I? Herriot hears the message.
He understands every word I say.
What did you say? He told him that I was sure that Mummy would be home soon.
- Extraordinary.
- Are we picking up from where we left off? No, you're going home to Herriot! - Absolutely.
- Thank you very much.
I have a confession.
- It's not about telephoning Herriot, is it? - No.
I'm afraid I ate the rest of your custard tarts.
That's a small price for Lionel to pay, Mrs Flack.
- Yes, what are a few custard tarts? - Bravely said.
Cyril Proudfoot liked custard tarts, funnily enough.
I remember once we were sitting on top of the tram and you know how they swayed about.
Cyril had two custard tarts in a bag and do you know what happened? - He sat on them? - Yes, that's right! - How did you guess? - Well, he is a writer.
The late Mr Flack, on the other hand, was an apple-turnover man.
I remember once, at Southsea, it was - Oh, God.
- Oh, no, I tell a lie.
It was Southport.
We mustn't keep you any longer, Mrs Flack.
You must get home and give Herriot his tea.
Yes, I will.
Thank you.
We're having spaghetti this evening.
It's very kind of you to take it so sportingly, Mrs Flack.
- I can only apologise once again and say - See you tomorrow.
Yes.
See you tomorrow.
I see this as a nice working relationship.
- We've got on well from the start, haven't we? - Yes, indeed we have.
- Well, good night, then.
Miss Pargetter.
- Good night.
Good night, Mrs Flack.
- You've just talked yourself out of Daisy.
- I know.
I know.
It's the fact that she stayed here all day, I suppose, at her post.
If this had been a sinking ship we'd have found her clinging to the only bit of wreckage left above water.
Smiling cheerfully.
- I'm too tired to do the cooking.
- Yes, so am I.
I'll get us a takeaway.
Was Daisy really bright and helpful? Yes.
- There's no need to look so martyred.
- I was just thinking of tomorrow.
I was thinking of Mrs Flack going on about Leading Seaman Proudfoot and his tiny feet and how Herriot got his little head caught in the bread bin.
- Daisy wouldn't have waited all day for you.
- You don't know that.
Well, call it an educated guess.
- Would you have waited all day for me? - As Mrs Flack? - As Nurse Pargetter.
- I don't know.
- It depends how you'd behaved that morning.
- With you, probably badly.
Then I would have waited.
I love you, Nurse Pargetter.
I love you, Lieutenant Hardcastle.
- I'd better go and get that takeaway.
- I'll come with you.
Ooh! Was that you clicking or me? Both of us.
He's not going to listen to anything the doctors say, is he, my father? No, of course not.
He'll go on burning the candle at both ends and he and Madge will probably burn it in the middle as well.
- Do you think we'll end up like them? - I certainly hope so.
- There is one difference, though.
- We're not as crackers? No.
We're not married.
# You must remember this # A kiss is still a kiss # A sigh is just a sigh # The fundamental things apply # As time goes by # And when two lovers woo # They still say I love you # On that you can rely # The world will always welcome lovers # As time goes by #