Becker s03e10 Episode Script

Forget it, Skippy.
You're not getting it back.
I got a rule.
Anything rolls over my foot is mine.
- What did you get this time? - Another one of those damn scooters.
Gonna take a while, Jake, but I'm gonna clean up this town.
Why is there a keg of beer on the counter? There's a keg of beer on the counter? Reg, coffee, please.
Well, bad news.
Bob's ex-wife is hauling his ass back into court.
Funny, I thought my divorce was final, but apparently now I'm in the bonus round where the dollar values are doubled.
Bob, you can't give them what you don't have.
Just tell the court that you've got no cash and no future.
Better still, just show up.
They'll figure it out.
I've never been more insulted in my life.
Nah, who am I kidding? Yeah.
Hey, Reg, are you even open? Why is there a keg of beer on the counter? Yeah, why is there a keg of beer on the counter? Why is there a keg of beer on the counter? I don't know.
Better yet, Jake, why did you sign for it? Oh.
That's why there's a keg of beer on the counter.
Okay, so we know why there's beer over there.
Why isn't there coffee over here? In a minute, Becker.
Jake? Sorry.
Some guy came in, said he had a delivery for you, so I signed for it.
Why in the world would you do that? Perhaps he was all loopy from lack of caffeine.
Well, I kind of thought you'd be happy that I signed for your supplies.
Jake, napkins are supplies.
Sweet'N Low packets are supplies.
A keg of beer is a Friday night at some sleazy college mixer where you don't remember where the hell you left your bra.
Oh, grow up.
Phew, I am so tired.
Well, maybe if you weren't out partying all night, you'd be awake enough to do your job.
Excuse me? Well, that's what I usually get from you.
I was not out partying.
I hardly got any sleep, because I had this really weird dream.
- What about? - Oh, uh, nothing.
Oh, no, you don't.
If it's about nothing, you would have said something.
But you said nothing, which tells me that it was about something.
Linda, just forget it.
Come on, Margaret, I tell you stuff that happens to me all the time.
I know.
Oh, my God.
I just got the weirdest vibe.
You had a sex dream.
Uh, shh! Will you just keep your voice down? I knew I was right.
- Who was it about? - Uh, uh, nobody.
Ooh, if it was about nobody, you would have said somebody, but since you didn't name anybody Linda, just drop it.
Sorry I'm late.
Oh, um, no problem.
Who's up? Uh, you've got an ulcer in One and a haemorrhoid in Two, and your accountant called.
Uh, I'll start with the most disgusting first.
What's my accountant's number? It's on your desk.
Wow, while you two were talking, I got the most powerful vibe.
Oh, all right, Linda, my dream was about Dr.
Becker.
Oh, my vibe was that this spring burgundy would be the new black.
But this is way more interesting.
You had a sex dream about Dr.
Becker? I don't wanna talk about this anymore.
- Margaret, this is bad.
- No, it's not bad.
It's not anything.
It was just a dream.
But don't you see? If you had a dream about Dr.
Becker, you have feelings for him.
And if you have feelings for him, you might act on them.
If you act on them, next thing you know, you'll be having sex with your boss in the doughnut shop, his wife will walk in, call you a slut, and you'll end up working at some crappy doctor's office in the Bronx.
Well, you know, hypothetically.
Barry, I know I'm late with the insurance forms.
I'll get to them as soon as I can, but now, what about Margaret's raise? No, don't tell me I can't afford it.
She's worked for me for a long time, and she really deserves it.
Besides, she's always telling me how cheap I am.
So, you know, make it happen.
Make it happen for a little less.
I know a guy signed for it, but he was a blind guy.
He would have signed a bagel if you put it in front of him.
Yeah, and this is how sensitive she is when I'm sitting right here.
Yeah? Well, screw you.
Well, screw you too.
I was just trying to help.
Not you.
Yes, you.
Ugh, a whole morning of phone calls, and not only won't they take the keg back, but they said since I signed for it, which I didn't, I now have to pay for it.
Look, Reg, if you want me to pay for it Oh, that would be great.
Okay.
But don't say I didn't offer.
Why don't you just sell it? You know, like a buck a glass.
How about because I don't have a license to sell alcohol? You don't have a license to sell rat hair, but that never stopped you.
Hey, Linda, aren't you supposed to be at the office? Well, you're the doctor.
And if the doctor's not in the office, then it's not really a doctor's office.
It's just a bunch of rooms with a funny smell.
Hey, that funny smell happens to be Mr.
Davis, and we're working on it.
Hey, Reggie, you're studying psychology.
Let me ask you something.
If someone has a sex dream about someone, that means that they wanna have sex with that person, right? Mm, well, not necessarily.
Really? What else could it mean? Well, it could have to do with money or power.
Oh, great.
I'm so relieved.
But more than likely, it means the person wants to have sex with the person they're dreaming about.
Damn.
I was afraid of that.
Wait a minute.
It could be the other way around.
They could be sensing that the person they're dreaming about is attracted to them.
Oh, no, that's even worse.
Linda, who are we talking about? Oh, just a couple of people I work with.
Nobody you know.
Margaret, you know that smutty dream you had about Dr.
Becker? It's worse than I thought.
I did not say it was a smutty dream.
Well, you said it was a sex dream, so I just assumed.
Oh, Linda, please, forget it.
Too late.
I borrowed Reggie's psychology book, and it's all right here.
The reason you had that dream is because you've been picking up signals from Dr.
Becker.
There's something between you two that you've never dealt with.
Linda, that's insane.
No, there's a whole chapter in here on insane, and that's not in it.
Look, I could go on and on with a lot of mumbo jumbo, but bottom line, your subconscious is making a booty call.
Linda, once and for all, just forget it.
Okay, Mr.
Lerner, the hospital expects you at 9 a.
m.
For your colonoscopy.
It's a routine procedure.
They, uh, fill you up with drugs, stick a camera up your butt, and put it on TV.
Not much different from everything else on TV.
Doctor's office.
Margaret, don't we have those yellow pads somewhere? Uh, you wanna change your appointment? Hold on, let me get my pad.
Well - Unh.
Uh, how is 2:00 Tuesday? Okay, fine.
Oh, my God.
He was all over you.
Linda, please, just stop it.
Margaret, a lot of men went to a lot of colleges for a lot of years to turn a big waste of time into the science of psychology.
But if you won't believe them, then believe me.
I know about sexual tension in the workplace.
Need I remind you about the doughnut shop? Linda, there is nothing going on here.
Dr.
Becker was just reaching for a legal pad.
Yeah, and that night at the doughnut shop we were just making bear claws.
Are you sure we should be drinking this? I can't send it back, and I'm not allowed to sell it.
There's nothing left to do but, uh, close up early and drink it.
Heh, I like the way you think.
Well, Bob's ex-wife isn't backing off this money thing.
She's bringing out the big guns.
She hired new attorneys? No, two guys with big guns.
Well, Jake and I decided to tap this keg.
Maybe a beer will take your mind off your problems.
Why not? It's worth a shot, but it won't have much effect.
I mean, Bob's been drinking since before he was born.
Back when Mom was pregnant, she was, how shall I say it, Imagine how much she drank after she saw him.
Hey, you're having another one already? Careful, Reg, beer has a way of sneaking up on you.
At least it always does on me.
Everything sneaks up on you.
Barry, get off my back about the forms.
I'll get them to you in the morning.
Yeah.
Now, were you able to juggle things around so Margaret can get her raise? Oh, good, that's perfect.
That's perfect.
You know, Margaret's been wanting this for a long time.
You know, now that I've made up my mind, tonight's the night.
No, no, I don't want her to have to beg for it.
I mean, I know she wants it, so I'm gonna give it to her.
Yes, yes, tonight.
Oh, my God.
Dr.
Becker, I know I shouldn't have heard that phone call, but I couldn't help it, I was eavesdropping.
I honestly can't believe you're gonna do this.
Oh, look, Linda, it's not really any of your business.
It's between me and Margaret.
But don't you think it's gonna change things around here? Maybe, but she's been waiting for this for a long time, and I know it's something that she wants.
I have to be honest.
I'm very disappointed.
Oh, Linda, wait, I can understand that you're jealous.
But look, I promise you, if I can handle it, one day I'll do the same for you too.
What? Well, I can only do one of you at a time.
I don't want you to do me.
Not ever.
You say that now, but when the time comes, you'll want it.
Oh, do me a favour, will you? Uh, I wanna surprise Margaret.
Oh, she'll be surprised.
Well, good, good.
Now, don't say anything to her.
Believe me, the last thing I wanna do is talk to Margaret about something like this.
Psst, Margaret, we have to talk.
If this is about my dream again, then just forget it.
It's not a dream anymore.
It's a reality.
I just talked to Dr.
Becker, and he told me exactly how he feels about you, and that tonight's the night.
Linda, you must have misunderstood.
No, I didn't.
I'll tell you exactly what he said.
And I quote, "I know she wants it, so I'm going to give it to her.
" Linda, this is John Becker we are talking about.
He never would have said anything like that.
Well, he did.
And not only does he want you, but I think he wants me too.
Oh, now I know you're imagining things.
Linda, John and I have been working together for years.
Why would he do this now? Well, maybe with the problems you and Louis have been having, he figures the door's open.
Margaret, I'm sorry, but I promised Barry that we'd stay late tonight and do those insurance forms.
- Tonight? - Yeah.
Oh, well, okay.
Uh, Linda? - That means - Linda, you don't have to stay.
Margaret and I can do this alone.
What do you say? - Oh, okay.
- Yeah, good.
We'II, uh We'll take care of everything tonight.
Oh, uh, I promise, you're next.
Ah.
- How about another round, Reg? Are you sure? Getting a little wasted here.
Wasted? Don't be silly.
It seems with each beer I drink, I get another million-dollar idea.
I'm gonna be rich.
No, we're gonna be rich.
Uh-huh, that's right, partner.
Oh, I just thought of another great invention.
Know how shirts wrinkle when they come out of the dryer? - Yeah.
- Here's what you do.
You get a flat piece of metal, you heat it up, and you rub it all over the shirt.
Presto! No more wrinkles.
Brilliant.
And I know exactly what to call it.
The De-Wrinklizer.
It's genius.
It's an iron.
It's already been invented.
An iron? That's the worst name I've heard.
Leave this stuff to us.
- I just thought of one.
Mm-hm.
Okay.
You know how people hate to shovel snow? - Yeah.
- You know how people love to drive? - Yeah.
- Okay, how about this? You take a flat piece of metal, you put it on the front of your car, you drive down the street, and it pushes the snow away.
- And I've already got the name for it.
- Uh? The De-Snowerizer.
- No, no, I got a better one, ahem.
- What have you got? The De-Snowerizer.
- You're right, that is better.
- See? Hello? Snowplough? Don't listen to her.
She's drunk.
- I think I got another one.
- Oh.
I got it.
You hate to miss your favourite TV shows? - Yeah.
- Wish you had a way to record them? - Mm-hm.
- Okay, we get a You get a You know, you get a - Flat piece of metal.
- Exactly.
You get a flat piece of metal.
- Uh-huh.
- And you put a video tape inside.
The TV Show Recorderizer.
You read my mind.
Hey, Orville, Wilbur.
I hate to break up Flat Piece of Metal Enterprises, but all of your inventions have been invented.
Ha, ha, isn't that just like a woman? Try and tear a man down.
I know, right? In fact, I'm gonna go call the wallet-grabbing bitch I used to be married to and tell her exactly how much money she ain't getting half of.
Jake, I'm cutting you off.
Tomorrow you'll feel like someone hit you over the head with a flat piece of metal.
Jake, time to go home.
Jake? Jake? Come on, Tammi, pick it up.
Pick it up, you greedy bitch.
Hello, Tammi? Yeah, it's Bob.
I miss you so much, baby.
What a couple of lightweights.
And you two thought I would be the one to get drunk.
Well, let me tell you something Oh, no.
Okay, John, I've separated the insurance forms from the Yeah, Margaret, before we start, there's something I wanna talk to you about.
There is? Yeah, it's, uh, something that I've been thinking about for a long time but Oh, man, I wish I were better at this kind of thing, but I'm not, so I'm just gonna say it.
Uh, John, you know, whatever it is, maybe now is not the time.
We do have a lot of work.
No, no, no, come on, I've been putting this off long enough.
Tonight's the night.
Tonight's the night? Yeah, absolutely.
Uh, tonight doesn't have to be the night.
Yes, yes, it does.
Just sit down.
Come on, sit down.
Now, look, I know you think that I, uh, don't pay attention to you, but I do.
I've picked up on your little hints.
Hints? John, I know what you're getting at, and believe me, I haven't dropped any hints.
Let me reiterate.
There have been no hints.
Oh, come on.
You want it, and I wanna give it to you.
Oh, my God.
Oh, come on, you know you want it.
You know, I was gonna do it at the Christmas party, but the timing just didn't seem right.
Not to mention the fact that my husband was there.
Oh, I wish he were here now.
I'd love to see the look on his face.
- What? - Let me just say one more thing.
- I wish it were bigger, but - John! I know you're gonna wish it were bigger, but I think you'll be satisfied.
John, John, I am not having sex with you.
What the hell are you talking about? What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about giving you a raise.
A raise? Yeah, a raise.
You know, a bigger paycheck.
- Well, why didn't you say that? - I was saying that.
What makes you think that I wanted to have sex with you? Oh, uh, a little bird told me.
A stupid little bird.
What did Linda say? Oh, I made the mistake of telling her about a dream I had, where you and I were Well, you know, it was one of those dreams.
And, um, well, phew, she just ran with it.
You had one of those dreams about me? - Yeah.
- Mm.
Oh, it's, uh, kind of funny, isn't it? It's crazy, is what it is.
Yeah, ha-ha-ha.
It's crazy.
Oh, that's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard.
Now wait, I'm still laughing, and you're not.
What just happened? Well, it's not that idiotic.
Well, yeah, sure it is.
I mean, because, you know, you're you and I'm me.
- And, you know - John, John.
Just forget it.
Oh, ho, ho, what just happened here? Well, John, it's not that easy for a woman to hear a man laugh at the mere thought of being attracted to her.
Oh, come on, you know how I feel about you.
Come on, you and I are You know what I mean? We go way back.
You know, I feel so strong How's Louis doing, anyway? Is he? John, you can stop talking now.
Oh, this is not fair.
That's not fair.
I come in here to do something nice, and all of a sudden I'm in trouble.
No, you're not in trouble.
It's, um It's just that I'm, heh I'm not feeling that great about myself these days.
Oh, jeez.
We're gonna talk about feelings, aren't we? - I'm sorry.
- No, no, that's all right.
But, you know, with all that's going on with Louis, and then this stupid dream.
I mean, what's that about? Oh, come You know, I'd put analysing dreams right up there with tarot cards and fortune cookies.
But, you know, if your dream meant anything, maybe it's just that, you know, you were looking for someone in your life who you could lean on.
If that was me, that's okay.
Thank you, John.
Mm.
- Heh.
- Oh, ha, ha.
- Mm.
- Oh, and thank you for the raise.
- Mm.
Oh, my God.