Casual (2015) s03e10 Episode Script

1 Previously on "Casual" Why are you giving my nine-year-old a music sermon? We're trying to find Alex's sister's dad.
Oh.
Is your mom still alive? - I think so.
- Could you ask her? There's something toxic in the air that no one wants to talk about.
I just think you're making my generation pay the price.
Please vote yes on the moratorium.
You're not poison.
You know that, right? Casey, Pete Nako has office space in Sacramento.
Can you take a look on Friday? - What's in Sacramento? - The next battle.
Good news, I found your half brother.
This is my thing.
You can't just fucking insert yourself.
This is when you leave.
- Can we talk? - Yeah, why don't you, uh go to your hotel room and give me a call? When somebody says they're gonna be there for you, they have to actually show up.
I'm here now.
That was a good date.
I took my love, I took it down ["Landslide" playing.]
Climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection In the snow covered hills Till the landslide brought me down - - KIDS: Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai! I was afraid he was gonna get kicked in the head.
You know, in a way, karate is the original yoga.
Eastern tradition appropriated by white people in crisis? - Who are you? - [laughs.]
Do you think that we'll ever have sex? Presumably? I was banking on a spontaneous, - passionate romp.
- Oh.
[laughs.]
People singing and dancing while we do it.
No? That sounds right to me.
Spontaneity dies at childbirth.
- Libido does not.
- Hm.
- Let's make a plan.
- We can do it in the office.
- I prefer to keep my job.
- Huh.
- Oh.
- [gasps.]
Hey, buddy.
- Look who I ran into.
- Yo.
Jake's mom said I could go over before dinner.
- Can I? - Sounds like a plan.
Sounds like a plan.
Great, let's do it.
Do you think people in the 12th century were guilted into hiking? I feel like preindustrial guilt was probably - a little less exercise related.
- Oh, wow.
Fuck you, cotton gin.
You still up for the spa later? I am totally up for that spa later.
- Is that Alex? - Who's that? - What'd he do? Steal a family? - JACK: I know.
Weird.
- JUDY: Okay, buddy.
- ALEX: Uh, can we go say hi - for a second? - JUDY: Yeah.
- Hi.
- Hey.
JACK: Hey.
- You're sweaty.
- Yeah, we hiked.
- JUDY: Hi.
- VALERIE: Did like What we do? - Like, six, seven miles? - Probably two miles.
- [laughter.]
- Okay.
Felt like six or seven.
I wanna sit down.
My limbs hurt.
- JUDY: Okay, bug.
- ALEX: Oh, uh, sorry, Judy, - Valerie, Jack.
- Hey! - ALEX: That's Clark.
- BOTH: Hi.
JUDY: Oh! You're You're Alex's sister.
Yup.
How'd you guess? Gypsy blood.
Mom was a two bit psychic.
Ran a booth at the county fair.
You know the story.
[laughs.]
He told me about you.
Yeah.
Right.
So what's been going on? Um, I don't Yeah, not much.
A lot.
We should catch up.
We should do dinner at my place next week.
- JACK: I'm in Dubai, remember? - VALERIE: Oh.
JACK: But let's, uh, let's go to the phones and Let me see.
What about next week? - The week after? - I can't do Monday or Thursday - of that week.
- Tuesdays are bad for me.
- Wednesday? - I can't do Wednesday, sorry.
- VALERIE: All right.
- ALL: Friday.
- BOTH: Friday.
- Friday.
- ALL: Great.
- Thanks.
- JACK: Yeah.
- Okay, well, we should probably Yeah, we gotta Bye, kiddo.
- It was great to meet you.
- Yeah, really nice to meet you guys.
See you in a few weeks.
- All right, bye.
- Bye.
See ya.
Great to see you.
Yup.
That wasn't weird at all.
Hey, you with me? - We have our plan.
- Our plan.
Yes.
All right, buddy.
Let's go.
I bet you're starving.
Get up.
A spotless table tells no story.
- Now it's got character.
- Oh.
Oh, you think this is funny? Or that I wouldn't notice that all my wine is gone? Sorry.
I had some work friends over.
It was six bottles, Laura.
We were celebrating.
We won.
Okay, all right.
Well, this website says make a paste of rottenstone? What? Wait, no.
No! This This is on you.
Remove the stain.
I don't want character.
["Put One Foot in Front of the Other" by Bone Symphony.]
MAN: Open your eyes MAN: With something to see A miracle place A House full of magic Well, I know we can do it You know we can do it, too But there's work to be done now Work to be done You've got to put One foot in front of the other Put your other foot down, down, down - [clippers whirring.]
- You've got to put one foot [vinyl cracking.]
Alex? ALEX: Can you come up here, please? What? Okay, I need you to take a look at something.
Oh, no! He's Sorry.
Yeah.
No.
Uh I-I-I don't know, it's it's like a it's a lot of skin.
- Like so much skin.
- It's the same amount of skin.
Right, but you You know when you see someone who wears glasses without their glasses? - It's like that, but worse.
- [groans.]
Why would you shave it? The constant bombardment of messaging to conform to unrealistic and arbitrary beauty standards? - But you're a dude.
- I know! I know.
I thought I was immune, but then I saw that fucking Armani billboard on Sunset.
- Oh, the David Beckham one? - Yes.
Can you close your fucking towel? Fine.
Yes, the David Beckham one.
- Yeah.
- Who I don't even like and he sucks at soccer now, but he's got that, you know, the tattoos with the pose with the white underwear - and the sex muscles.
- Fine.
She won't even notice.
- It'll be dark and you'll be - Rae, it's gonna be 4:00 p.
m.
and we'll be sober.
Good luck.
[laughing.]
He should come with a warning label.
- She's a grown woman.
- Yeah, with a kid.
and he's never had his hands on that kind of technology before.
Well, should we go back in time and stop him? Like the X-Men? - Jack? - Hi.
Actually, I booked with him.
If that's okay if we switch? Oh, uh Yeah.
Hey.
- WOMAN: Ready? - Yeah.
[exhales sharply.]
[cell phone rings.]
- Hey.
- Hey, so does Judy have any dietary restrictions? Is she a vegetarian or Do you order food by mail? It's two weeks away.
Um, listen, when a man goes to get a massage, - does he usually get a a - Happy ending? VALERIE: Yeah.
Would a fancy spa do that? Or is that more of a seedy strip mall in Glendale kind of thing? ALEX: We're a capitalist society, Val.
Only difference between fancy and seedy is the opening bid.
- So anywhere? - ALEX: I don't know.
Google it.
Oh, I gotta run.
Bye.
- Hi.
- Hi.
We don't do that sort of thing here.
Oh, yeah, no, I know.
Of course.
[clears throat.]
So off to scenic Sacramento? - I'd like to visit.
- You should.
Or, I don't know, screw it.
Come along and unpack some boxes? You need bodies, right? No, I'm serious.
I can make it work.
Laura, I can't pay you.
I mean, I can't feed you, I can't house you.
I don't even know where I'm sleeping yet.
- But I wanna help.
- Help here.
I mean, there's Skid Row, - immigration, housing - I want to help you.
I mean you were my favorite intern.
You're gonna do great things here.
[groans.]
You okay? Can we maybe close the curtains? They are closed.
They really are just for aesthetic purposes, huh? [laughs.]
Ooh, somebody's smooth down there.
Yeah, well, typically I'm trimmed, not shorn.
Have you thought about blackout shades? - Shh.
- Okay.
[exhales.]
What's wrong? Intellectually I know this isn't a big deal.
I promise it's not.
Right, but millennia of masculine bullshit is in our DNA.
Virility is like the center of the male psyche.
- Not war? - That's virility adjacent.
- [laughs.]
- You know this isn't about you.
Right? Of course.
We'll have other chances.
[sighs.]
- - [Mariachi music playing.]
In my day, M&Ms were either chocolate or peanut.
now you got crispy, mint, pretzel.
- All sorts of nonsense.
- Our moral order's collapsing.
You got that right.
A week? Is that how little I mean to you? Impotence is not an emergency.
- Don't say "impotence.
" - Erectile dysfunction? Okay, now you're just being cruel.
Is your self-worth really so defined - by your sexual prowess? - Yeah, it is.
Absolutely.
Why do you think men spend $4 billion a year on Viagra and Cialis? Some men just enjoy having sex.
I'm 36.
I've had sex in every possible way given my anatomical structure.
My sexual enjoyment is secondary to well, tertiary to the pleasure of my partner and the inflation of my ego.
That is deeply narcissistic and somehow - weirdly charming.
- Hm.
Thank you.
Also, she had all these lights on.
- It was the lighting's fault? - Well, yeah.
I think so.
Field conditions were a factor.
Also, um I may have over-gardened the hose area.
[clears throat.]
Have you told Valerie about our half-brother yet? So don't worry if it's rough, okay? That's why we workshop it, yeah? Just make sure it stays under five minutes.
I mean it.
I'm gonna have a stop watch and a whistle.
Maybe even a track suit.
Thanks, everyone.
Valerie, may we speak? Huh? Oh, yeah.
Of Course.
Good luck.
Is this class too much for you? Uh, no.
I-I mean, uh uh, wait, what do you mean? I just feel like something's - Do you know what I mean? - I don't.
Maybe if you finished that sentence? You don't seem invested.
Or interested.
Or sometimes even here.
Rea Okay.
I mean - 'cause I know I missed a class, but - Ah.
Yeah, see, not just a class, but the journey that is class.
- The journey? - The personal - and emotional journey.
- Okay.
That's what you're missing.
My point is, maybe what would be best would be if you took off the next couple of weeks and then we can feel out when you're ready to come back to class.
Okay.
Actually no, Joanna.
- I'm not gonna do that - Hm.
'Cause, um, we're not on a journey.
This is a This is a black box theater which I for some reason, paid $400 to be in.
Okay, I'll pro-rate your refund.
Thanks.
JENNIFER: Maybe you drove her toward something she wasn't ready for.
She drove herself.
I just gave her a name.
- Why even do that? - I don't know.
I don't know.
I thought we could do it together.
Like we did with Dad's ashes.
But that's not what she wanted.
She wanted to wait.
- Or do it alone.
- Okay, well, I hate that.
That erosion of things.
The slow drifting apart.
I mean sometimes it's quick, right? You break up, move away, say good-bye.
But other times it happens so gradually you hardly even notice until finally You know.
I hate that.
Is that what you think is happening? She hangs out with Jack and I hang out with Judy.
- But you like Judy.
- I like all people who are smart and funny and attracted to me.
But, yeah, I like Judy a lot.
Great.
[clears throat.]
Stop obsessing about Valerie.
Go have fun with a woman who is probably too good for you.
One last question.
[clears throat.]
Do you prescribe Viagra? - Not to you.
- [scoffs.]
Fine.
I mean, she doesn't even have the balls to say it.
Like, if you're gonna kick somebody out of storytelling class, fucking say, "I'm kicking you outta storytelling class.
" Maybe she was encouraging you to - find the words yourself? - Oh, fuck off.
[clears throat.]
I mean, why'd you take the class if you weren't gonna show up? Because, um Amateur Playwriting was all sold out.
- Oh.
- What about you? Uh [blows raspberries.]
- I hate my day job.
- Oh.
How original.
You and everybody else.
Right, but I only care about me and I work in antiques, and basically sit in a store, alone, full of old, dead stuff from other people's lives and it's fucking boring.
Have you ever had a happy ending? Uh [indistinct chatter.]
[balloons popping.]
[gentle acoustic music.]
[applause.]
So you know, you didn't want him to switch or No, I'm glad that he switched.
I mean, I would've Yeah.
I would've asked a patient to switch.
But you don't fuck your patients.
- Not that far gone.
- Right.
So it's different.
Of course you're insecure about it because he's your boyfriend.
Well, I'm I'm not insecure, but Oh, what? You're not thinking, "If he can't trust himself to get a massage, how can he handle Dubai?" I just wish I could get into his head without getting all - therapist-y.
- You can.
Just ask him.
[doorbell rings.]
- Hi.
- Hey.
Wow, it's really dark in here.
Yeah, I'm trying to conserve.
Enron.
Never forget.
Could it be cancer? I think it's more of a a side effect of cancer treatment.
Huh.
Okay, so, no cancer.
That's good.
When you wake up in the morning, is it Buoyant? There is a buoyancy.
Yeah.
So it's not physical.
[sighs deeply.]
That's worse.
If it were physical, I'd have something to blame.
The more you think about it, the worse it'll get.
[sighs.]
You're not gonna tell anyone at work about this, are you? [softly.]
I don't know.
- Think of the memes.
- [groans.]
Fuck.
[laughs.]
Don't be laughing at my neck pillow.
Have you ever worn the neck pillow? 'Cause once you've flows with, you don't fly without.
Should we not have slept together? Why would you say that? Uh, that day at the spa? - What about it? - Um Sorry, can you - Okay.
- Okay, if you hadn't switched and you'd gone with the woman, what were you worried would happen? Jeez, can we talk about this when I get back? My car's gonna be here any minute.
Yeah, I mean, would you have gotten a hand job? [chuckles.]
No, that's not Hand jobs aren't like a thing Okay, so what would've happened before us? Val, come on, you don't You know, it's just It's harder not to know.
I would've gone with the woman and spent the session disarming her.
And after walking you to your car I would've probably gone back in and tried to book another appointment and not left until she agreed to go out with me that night.
And then after spending the weekend fucking each other at a hotel, I would've probably done it all over again with the front desk girl.
I didn't want my mind going anywhere near there, - so I-I switched it.
- Yeah, smart.
- No, it Shit.
- [car beeping.]
My car's here.
Have a great time in Dubai.
Look, we are good.
I just want you to know that this is kinda - We're good.
- Yeah, I know.
I'll text you when I get there.
Yeah, that'd be great.
- - [keyboard clacking.]
[sighs.]
Too late to order in? I'm too far gone now.
Maybe a backup pizza.
[phone ringing.]
You on your way? Clark's sitter just cancelled.
Alex, I have eight pounds of chicken here.
Yeah, well, Jack's hale and hearty.
- [Rae growling.]
- Stop it.
Stop.
- VALERIE: What are you doing? - Nothing.
VALERIE: Okay, I mean, there's gotta be someone else.
Don't they have an Uber for babysitters or something? It's last minute, Val, What's Judy gonna do? Bring him? - Am I supposed to feed you? - I had a pupusa.
Okay, well, um just try not to set yourself on fire while I'm here.
Okay.
Okay.
You think she'll like this wine? [sighs.]
So long as it makes her tipsy.
[chuckles.]
[doorbell rings.]
[overlapping greetings.]
- Come on in.
- Here you go.
- Oh, that's necessary.
- Yeah - Thank you.
- Hey.
Good to see you.
- [overlapping greetings.]
- ALEX: Thanks for having us.
I'm less sweaty this time.
I promise.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- And we're sitting at his table looking at this broken waffle maker and there's 30 people staring at us passing around this video.
- What? Wow.
- [Judy laughs.]
- I mean, how could I say no - Yeah.
I I lost it.
- to that? - I guess I didn't know - that you two worked together.
- That's right.
So, did HR make you sign a little consent form thingy? - I am HR.
- ALEX: Yeah.
- I wasn't gonna tell.
- No! - [Judy laughs.]
- That is highly controversial and somewhat awesome, guys.
What about you two? How'd you reconnect? - Um.
- VALERIE: Um Actually Valerie called me.
We went to lunch.
A very awkward lunch, actually, now that I think about it.
I was pretty sure that I had blew it.
And then I came by and killed a rat.
Of course and, you know, the rest is history.
Was history is history.
However that term has Aw, you killed a rat for her.
That's so sweet.
Well, technically, the cat killed the rat.
Are we hungry? Do you know Fleetwood Mac? I saw Stevie Nicks at a Jamba Juice once.
Come with me.
Okay.
[laughter.]
Thanks for offering Laura.
Oh, she was nine once, too.
Now she's a teenager with Emoji tattoos.
[laughs.]
I know.
Clark's principal sent an email a few weeks ago saying that the kids are watching - porn at school.
- That's bullshit.
When I was a kid, I always had to wait up till midnight and hope HBO was showing a documentary about some - woman orgasming in the woods.
- [laughter.]
Now you can watch 24 year olds getting sodomized during recess.
The video said they were 18.
No wonder why we're raising a generation of sex addicts.
- Eh, not a thing.
- What? Sex addiction? Yeah.
It's a basic, human function.
Um um I'm a therapist.
It's real.
JACK: You did a great job with this chicken.
- Is there salt? Ah.
- Mm-hmm.
But how can you be addicted to your own biology? It's like saying you're addicted to eating.
Well, there are eating disorders and sex addiction is an intimacy disorder.
I just feel like there's a disorder for everything now.
Not liking winter, for instance, is a disorder.
Seasonal affective disorder.
My cousin has it.
- It's that one.
- I have it, too.
It's the one where I get really sad if it's not 80 degrees and sunny outside? No, that's 'cause we're really spoiled.
Why would someone ever say that they were a sex addict if they didn't have, you know, a disorder? - If they didn't need help? - I don't know.
Maybe they got caught.
Needed an excuse.
JUDY: Hm, are you speaking from experience? - I plead the 5th.
- I'm grabbing some wine.
- Everybody good? - Yeah.
- JUDY: Yes, thank you.
- Yeah.
"Don't Stop" is a good one.
Mom says it's about Bill Clinton.
Also "Everywhere.
" That's a great one.
What's wrong? Nothing.
You're sad.
Why are you sad? My friend moved away.
Maybe you guys can Skype.
She's not that kind of friend.
What kind of friend is she? I'm not sure.
Do you love her? You pick a song.
[laughter.]
More wine? So Jack and I went to Fresno.
- Oh, yeah? - I met Rich and his family.
They're sweet.
I'm sorry.
Who's Rich? VALERIE: He's my half-brother.
Yeah, they're really nice.
Just really warm.
Very down to earth.
Grounded.
Lovely.
We spent the whole weekend.
- Sounds great.
- And he's a butcher which I don't know why I find that so endearing, but, um, I do and Jack and Rich got along great.
- Right? You liked him? - Yeah, he's nice enough.
- Yeah.
- Happy that worked out.
Well, I hope you can meet him 'cause I invited him to L.
A.
, so maybe you will.
Great.
Who wants dessert? Uh I think we're gonna head out.
Hit the road.
- JACK: Yeah? - No dessert for us, but dinner was great.
- Thank you.
- JACK: Great seeing you, bud.
- It was a really lovely dinner.
- Thanks for coming.
- JUDY: No.
Thanks again.
- Yeah.
- Nice to see you again.
- Good seeing you.
- JUDY: Take care.
Good-night.
- JACK: Bye, guys.
VALERIE: Thank you for coming.
[Jack sighs.]
I don't know I don't know what my fucking problem is.
Hey, listen, you just euthanized your dad And then found out that he wasn't your dad, your brother's crazy, your daughter's 17, you can't cook sorry.
[laughs.]
And, yeah, your boyfriend's a sex addict which apparently isn't a a real thing.
So I think under the circumstances you're doing all right.
["Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac.]
- You don't like my chicken? - [laughs.]
No.
[both laughing.]
LAURA: I took my love, I took it down Climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection In the snow covered hills Till the landslide brought it down [both panting.]
Well, I've been afraid of changin' 'Cause I built my life around you Well, time makes you bolder Even children get older And I'm getting older, too Oh, mirror in the sky What is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons Of my life? Mm mm