Dead to Me (2019) s03e10 Episode Script

1
God, I haven't been on
a road trip in so long.
Or eaten Doritos.
Aren't we just always eating Doritos?
Please. Why didn't I do
so many things I wanted?
- Seriously.
- Like, why did I ever not eat bread?
- Why did I ever shave my legs?
- I don't know.
Why didn't I have sex
with everybody constantly?
Herpes.
Why was I so worried about being good?
Well
- we are being bad now, baby!
- Mm-hmm.
- 'Cause we are on the lam!
- Yeah!
- Is it lam, or is it lamb?
- I don't know.
But since we're outlaws, I think
we should have outlaw names.
Should we?
Yes! I think I should
be Judy Five Fingers.
Uh, what's Judy Five Fingers' thing?
- That she has all of her fingers still.
- Oh.
Like, she's that good. Like,
nobody's taken any of her fingers.
So stupid!
Oh, shit!
What?
I'm Bitch Cassidy.
Bitch Cassidy.
And the Sundance Kid.
Oh!
It's amazing.
So what exactly is our plan?
Um, well, we have three weeks,
which is the length
of the clinical trial.
- Right.
- So we are just going to relax.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you are going to drink.
And I'm going to watch, and
then we will rinse and repeat.
Or not rinse. I say we take
showering off the table.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
Come on. Who's got the time?
And then, um, what about
after the three weeks?
What happens then?
I don't wanna think about that.
So, uh, all I know is that
you're not going back to jail.
They're gonna figure out that I'm not
in San Francisco at some point, right?
Then they're gonna
know you're helping me,
and that's aiding and abetting.
Oh, man, my bladder's about
to burst. I gotta pull over.
- Here?
- Yep!
And you can abet me by standing guard,
so people don't see me trying
not to piss on my ankles.
Sure.
Ahh, okay.
Okay. My turn.
Oh, I gotta go!
Ah!
- Oh!
- Yeah, let it out, girl.
- You ladies okay? Flat tire?
- Uh, we're fine.
- You sure?
- Yes, I'm fucking sure!
- Oh, shit. Oh, my God, Judy.
- What?
- Judy, I know those guys.
- You do?
Yeah, they were at Agent Moranis' hotel.
Why were you at Glenn's motel?
I think they're FBI.
They're not FBI.
No, we're not.
- Get in the car. Get in the car.
- What? Okay, okay.
Hey, Judy.
Hi, Stavros.
- Stavros?
- Uh-huh.
- The Greeks?
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, my God.
- Uh-huh.
Where you ladies off to?
Oh, uh, you know, just
a little girls' weekend.
Bet you can afford a really nice hotel
with the money you stole from
Steve that he stole from us.
- What money?
- Don't play dumb.
We know that you and your girlfriend
have been talking to the FBI.
How do you know that?
Because we had a little
chat with them too.
We know you stashed the money
inside those creepy little
girl paintings, Judy.
So let's cut the shit.
I don't wanna have to use this.
This is my least
favorite part of the job.
Oh, my God. No, no, no, no!
- No, it's okay.
- Please don't. Oh, no, no.
- Just shoot me.
- What?
Yeah, I'm dying anyway.
What?
I have cancer.
She does.
- It's terminal.
- It is.
- She's having a really hard time with it.
- I am!
I lost both my parents to cancer.
I lost my yaya.
Aww.
But I'm still gonna need that cash.
Well, I don't have it because
I spent it on my treatment.
Because she doesn't have insurance!
Right. I lost my job, then
I was too late for Obamacare.
So what am I supposed to do?
I'm sorry about all of that, but look.
What am I supposed to tell Constantine?
Just tell him that I'm already dead.
- I mean, I will be soon anyway.
- Don't say that!
Well, it's true
- Oh, my God! Are you okay?
- Ow!
- Shit, I don't know. I don't know.
- Judy!
Oh, my God, I need my medicine.
Okay, will you please just
let her get her medicine?
Is that allowed?
Of course. Let her have
her fucking medicine.
- What are you doing?
- I got this.
What's going on?
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Drop your guns and get in the car.
Oh, come on. You are not gonna use that.
Shit!
Goddamn it!
Oh, fuck!
Do what I fucking said!
Please.
Okay. Okay.
Yep, mm-hmm.
Good boy. Go on. Put it down.
There you go.
That's right. Back it on up, boys.
Back it on up.
Get in!
Thank you!
- Okay, move over. I'm gonna drive.
- What the fuck? What the fuck?
- Holy shit! Holy fucking shit!
- Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay, but I'm I'm sorry.
Who the fuck are you? Fucking badass!
I know. I mean, I really feel like
I came into my own in
the last ten minutes!
You really have.
Oh, my God, were we just almost
murdered by the Greek mafia?
- They're a syndicate, but yes.
- Whatever.
Wait. What were you
doing at Glenn's motel?
I, uh,
was there to tell him that I
am pregnant with Steve's baby.
What? Why?
Because that would explain why my
DNA is slathered all over his body.
It was a great plan
until you scuttled it.
- Oh, you were the plan scuttler.
- Oh, please.
I still can't believe you confessed.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It was pretty on the nose for me.
- Oh, shit. It's Ben.
- Okay.
- What is the plan there?
- I don't know.
- Well, bit of advice from a dying woman.
- Shut it.
- No, I'm wise, and I'm dying.
- Nope, you're neither.
Yes, and if you ever wanna have
the possibility of a real life with him,
you have to be honest about everything.
You deserve to be happy,
and you and I both know
that that can't happen
if you're living a lie.
But what if I'm living la vida loca?
- You're deflecting.
- I'm scuttling.
- Stop scuttling.
- I can't stop. It's what I do.
Okay, fu
- I'll stop!
- What? I'm stopping 'cause we're here.
Oh.
- Welcome, señorita! Hmm?
- Hmm.
So, uh
how long has it been
since anyone's been here?
Because it it
definitely has that, uh
abandoned, like
mansion musk.
Steve used to come
down here all the time.
He loved it here, but you know,
obviously, he hasn't been here
- Did you see that?
- Yes, I saw that.
- What if someone's here?
- Who'd be here?
I don't know. Does he Airbnb the place?
How can he Airbnb the place? He's dead.
- Don't tell them that!
- Sorry!
- I'm turning on the lights.
- No, 'cause then they'll know
Oh! Oh! Oh! Fuck you! No, no!
- Oh, Jen, it's a little kitty!
- No!
Okay, that's still not great.
Hi, baby.
Okay, you know, can we please get
it out of here before it murders us?
I think we're the
murderers in this situation.
Okay, well, you don't
know that cat's backstory.
- Oh, I'm gonna let her out. Come on!
- Get it out. Please get
- Come on!
- I don't wanna be left
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty! Come on.
There you go!
Come on.
Holy shit!
I can't believe it.
- We're finally on vacation. Ahh!
- We're here!
We're here. You're queer.
- And you're used to it.
- Yep.
Oh, God, Steve and I
were great on vacation.
Hmm.
Most of my good memories
with him are from this place.
You know, Ted and I
would never have sex ever,
but on vacation, it's
like Bangtown City.
Yes! Bangtown City!
Seriously, I mean, we
could be at a Holiday Inn
on the side of a highway,
and it's like twice in one night.
Oh
Wow, twice.
- Are you judging?
- No, twice is better than none.
- Okay, well, then, what's a lot?
- A lot is like, I don't know.
I'd say six.
Low ball four.
- Oh, my God!
- It's not always good.
Our two was, like,
not even to completion.
My point is, life should
be a permanent vacation.
It should!
It really should.
Yeah.
- Look at this.
- Hmm.
What a cool shell.
Whoa.
I just had déjà vu.
- You did?
- Yeah.
That's a good sign.
- Are you sure?
- Mm-hmm.
Déjà vu is just your brain
reminding you to remember.
Am I crazy, or does this look like
the guy from the Counting Crows?
How high are you?
Oh, I'm extremely high.
Looks like an old man's nut sack.
No, it looks like a beautiful garlic.
Nut sack.
Why did you say that?
I was gonna save it!
What? So you can put it in
your mouth four to six times?
Come on. You wanna go outside?
- All right.
- Get outta here!
- Oh, so beautiful.
- Ah! Look at that.
Look at the moon!
I think it might be funnier in Spanish.
- Oh, it definitely is.
- Mm-hmm.
Judy?
Judy?
Don't fucking look at me like that.
Jude?
Judy?
Judy?
Judy!
- Hey!
- I was looking all over for you!
Oh, I took the boat out on
the water to see the sunrise.
- It was beautiful.
- Great.
Next time leave a fucking note
because you scared the shit out of me.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
I'm sorry too. I just
I'm just cranky. I didn't
sleep at all because
Sundance Kid over here was
kicking me all night, so.
Aww.
You should come out on the
water. It's really relaxing.
- Nah. Not really a boat person.
- So you're more of a no person.
- No.
- No?
No!
Okay, you know what?
Is that thing even safe?
I think there are life
vests in the garage
if that makes you feel any better.
- No.
- You sure?
No means motherfucking no.
Okay, well, we don't have to be
out on the water that long, right?
You know, because, like, I
haven't eaten breakfast really
or anything like that.
Well, before we go, I can
make a frittata if you want.
Oh, my God.
Is is that a '66 Mustang?
It is.
But, I mean, it's not
the Mustang, right?
It is.
I don't understand.
I don't either.
I mean, I found a a key
hidden in one of my paintings,
and I couldn't figure out
why Steve put it in there.
I thought you guys took it apart.
Right?
Oh, we did.
He must have put it
back together again? I
I am so sorry, Jen.
I'm so sorry.
That's weird 'cause it's
It just looks like
nothing ever happened.
But it did.
Do you want a golf club?
You know, just bash the shit out of it?
Might feel good.
No.
No, it's it's just a car.
It's a really, really nice car.
Yeah, it is.
It's a classic.
But it's okay to hate it.
How could I hate it?
It brought you to me.
Do we still have to
go on the fucking boat?
Thank you for trying.
Thanks for not making me go out there,
'cause I'm, uh,
nauseous enough as it is.
So, didn't know you
were such a a boater.
Oh, yeah. I used to go on a catamaran
all the time with my Uncle Paul.
Well, I mean, he wasn't really my uncle.
He was sort of my mom's friend who
she would leave me with sometimes.
- I'm scared of where this story is going.
- No, it's a good story.
Okay, good, 'cause, you know
Yeah, no, I know. But
Paul was a really nice guy.
We were buds.
He would take me out on the
bay, like, every weekend.
And when I was out on that water,
I was just, like, the
most free I ever felt.
But then him and my mom got
into a fight or something.
- And then I never saw him again.
- Hmm.
Like, literally got in his boat
and never came back.
Okay, well, that's shitty.
Mm. I don't know.
Sometimes I like to imagine
that he's still out there
somewhere, sailing free as a bird.
I always did wonder who
he really was though.
Like, maybe he was really your father?
Maybe.
I'll never know.
Whatever.
Yeah.
Well
We only have a few days left, you know.
I know.
You know, I was I was thinking.
What if you died?
Well, I think that's a
bit more than a "what if."
No, no, no. I mean, like, what if
you "died" in the clinical trial?
And then we both just stay here?
You can't stay here. What
about Charlie and Henry?
Oh, no, they can come too.
I'm just saying, you know, I
can do real estate anywhere.
And if we sell our
house, we'll have cash.
So you're gonna move down here
and have a baby and never
tell Ben that he has a kid?
- That's your plan?
- Okay, well, it's You know, it's a plan.
I haven't really worked out
all the details yet, but yeah.
You can't pretend your
real life doesn't exist.
I'm not!
I'm
Just this way, we can
we can be together for
for the time that we have left.
Mm-mm. No, I don't want that for you,
and I don't want that for the boys.
- Judy, please!
- No.
I don't want it to be
like it was with your mom.
Seeing her suffer. I
won't put you through that.
- I won't put me through that.
- I don't care!
I do!
You have to go back.
You don't wanna miss Henry's concert.
Yes, I do. Desperately!
Have you seen that kid dance?
You have a life in Laguna.
You have a life inside you.
Okay, I don't wanna
Just let's not I can't talk anymore.
You promise me.
Don't let that baby grow up
without knowing its father.
Trust me.
- It creates a hole in your heart that
- Judy.
- No, no.
- It's okay. You're okay.
Okay, I'm I'm sorry. We
don't speak Spanish. Um
No, he said that you have
something called placenta previa,
and that's the cause of the bleeding.
Okay, well, what does that mean?
Oh.
What? What did he say? What did he say?
Is there something wrong with the baby?
He said
she looks really healthy.
- She does?
- She does!
- Sí. We'll definitely follow up. Gracias.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We will.
Gracias.
She's a girl.
She is!
All right, I'm not gonna say
I wasn't hoping for a girl
'cause I don't even know
what I was hoping for.
And I mean, you know how gender is
just so loosey-goosey these days.
- Yeah.
- But damn, was I hoping for a girl.
- Oh, I know. I know. Me too!
- Oh, God.
- It's not like boys aren't fine.
- Oh, they're great.
- But girls are better, obviously!
- The best, obviously!
Oh, my God!
That was scary.
Yeah, it was.
I'm fucking starving.
Oh, there is an amazing
taquería right next to the house.
- "Taquería"?
- Yeah.
Are you trying to tell me that
you have been able to speak Spanish
this entire time?
Sí. Claro que sí.
Okay, now you're just showboating.
- Aww.
- Judy.
Look at that.
My God.
Que preciosa.
- Don't know what that means.
- Mm.
- Mmm!
- Mmm! Mmm!
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
So what you're saying is that
Mexican food is better in Mexico.
- It's a little-known secret.
- Yeah.
It's got a little kick
to it, though, but, yeah.
Ooh.
Speaking of which,
we got a mini Rockette
up in here right now.
- She kicking?
- Yeah.
Come on! Come feel me up!
All right, gimme your hand.
Right down. Right
there. Just just wait.
I know.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Hi! What are you doing in there?
Being a boss-ass B?
Oh, oh. Oh, God. Something's happening.
Just don't make eye contact, okay?
- Just don't
- Hola!
What did I just say?
No, no, gracias.
- Come on.
- What?
- We're gonna dance!
- No!
God.
I really hate you.
- Who is it?
- No one.
- Get it!
- No!
- Yes!
- No, because we're dancing! Come on. Oh!
- You are scuttling!
- All right, all right.
You have a collect call
- I'll accept.
- Connecting now.
- Jen? Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I didn't think you'd pick
up. I've been trying you.
Oh, sorry.
I'm just, uh, hanging with Judy,
and we're just eating some dinner.
Well, how are you?
I'm okay. Um, listen, I
Uh
I'm pregnant.
What?
Seriously?
- Mm-hmm.
- That's amazing.
Is it okay if I ask,
is it is it is it mine?
Yeah, of course.
It's not an immaculate conception.
- Jeez.
- Oh, my God!
I'm smiling so big, I'm
definitely gonna get punched.
I actually have some news for you too.
Wait. What?
- Agent Moranis is dead.
- Like, literally dead?
Like, literally murdered
to literal death. Yeah.
- My God!
- I know.
What? How?
Oh, my God, he has a dog!
- I haven't told you the best part yet.
- Okay, a man is dead, but
They think the Greeks did it.
They think the Greeks killed Glenn?
Yeah. And Steve.
- And Steve?
- Mm-hmm.
- Why do they think that?
- I don't know.
I guess his room was ransacked,
and and a bunch of
Steve's case shit was missing.
Look, the point is,
Judy, we both can go back now.
I don't know. Nick
still has my confession.
- Well, we can just scuttle it.
- That I don't think is scuttleable.
Fine, then just tell him
you made it up or something
and that the Greeks
threatened to kill you,
which isn't technically a lie.
Yeah, yeah, I just need
to grab a glass of water.
I think I'm starting to believe in
some, um, higher power shit here.
Because, uh, the timing is Oh, yeah.
I'm throwing up as I say it divine.
I mean, how could we
Oh, my God, Judy!
Here.
I I didn't realize that
you were in so much pain.
I didn't want you to realize.
How long has it been like this?
You know when something
starts, it's like a little pain?
And it's there one day and not the next,
and then it's there more days,
and then you just kind
of learn to live with it?
Well, I don't want you to suffer.
So we will figure it out,
okay? Right when we get back.
I'm not going back.
What? What do you mean?
I'm gonna stay.
Permanent vacation.
No, no, I'm not I'm not leaving you.
No, you're not leaving me.
I'm staying.
I guess that's fine.
I mean, it's not that far.
Mm-mm. It really isn't.
I could come see you on weekends.
And I'll visit.
Okay, maybe you can
come up for Henry's concert.
But you don't need to
decide that right now.
It's just just think about it, okay?
Okay.
I've had the best time, Jen.
I know. Me too.
You were right. This
place is It's beautiful.
No
I mean, I've had the best time
with you.
Me too.
You filled the hole in my heart.
Oh, shut up. Eww.
- I didn't mean to make you cry.
- Well, it's too late, sister.
I love you.
I love you too.
So, so much.
You've changed my life.
Come here, you.
Oh, fuck.
Well.
Hey.
- Mm-hmm.
- Do you wanna watch our show?
Mm-hmm.
I think this was the one where
Tootie makes up a pretend boyfriend.
Fuckin' Tootie.
- I love this song!
- I know you do.
You know, I wasn't sure
you were gonna come back.
- I told you I wasn't gonna leave you.
- I know.
Now, I know why you love this car.
Right?
I'm so glad it's yours now.
Thank you.
Are you okay back there, Sammy?
We're gonna be okay.
We're gonna be okay.
Just don't fucking piss in my backseat.
- Hey.
- Hey, I'm so sorry I'm late.
No, no, no. Hey, you're
perfect! Get in here.
Mm!
Also, let's hope you got a scootch
more rhythm than your brother, huh?
- Oh, no. It's that bad?
- No.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
But miracles happen every day, right?
Forget your troubles ♪
Come on, get happy ♪
You better chase all your cares away ♪
Shout hallelujah ♪
Come on, get happy ♪
Get ready for the Judgment Day ♪
The sun is shining ♪
Come on, get happy ♪
The Lord is waiting
to take your hand ♪
Shout hallelujah ♪
Come on, get happy ♪
We're going to the Promised Land ♪
We're heading across the river ♪
Wash the sins away in the tide ♪
It's all so peaceful ♪
On the other side ♪
Forget your troubles ♪
Come on, get happy ♪
You better chase all your cares away ♪
Shout hallelujah ♪
Come on, get happy ♪
Get ready for the Judgment Day ♪
Forget your troubles ♪
Come on, get happy ♪
Hi, can I sit down?
I have to sit in the
aisle. I get nauseous.
Okay.
For the Judgment Day ♪
I'm sorry, Mom.
Thanks, baby.
Hallelujah, come on, get happy ♪
We're gonna be going to the ♪
- I'm sorry too, Jen.
- Hmm?
I never got particularly close to Jamie.
Judy.
But she was always pleasant enough.
Hmm. Thanks, Lorna.
Forget your troubles ♪
Get happy, your cares fly away ♪
Shout hallelujah ♪
Get happy, get ready ♪
For your Judgment Day ♪
Come on, get happy ♪
Chase your cares away ♪
Hi. Thanks. Sorry.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
But what are you do
How how did you
- Good behavior.
- Mm. Yeah, of course.
- Plus, I knew where to find you.
- How?
'Cause Judy sent me an invite.
- What?
- Yeah.
- When?
- Couple of weeks ago.
Is she here?
Yeah.
I think so.
Come on, get happy ♪
Get ready ♪
Get ready ♪
Get ready ♪
For the Judgment Day ♪
So much has been written
about the nature of loss.
The author Jamie Anderson said that
"Grief, I've learned,
is really just love."
"Grief is just love
with no place to go."
So we come here.
We call this a Grief
Circle for a reason.
One of them is that we are
literally sitting in a circle.
But the other is that
grief is a continuum.
It goes on and on.
And on and on, and
Okay, okay, we get it.
But it's also important to remember
that with loss comes new beginnings.
And speaking of that,
it looks like we have
some new people here today.
Uh, yeah, we do.
This is my daughter Joey.
- Aww.
- Hi, Joey!
Hi, Joey!
Oh, Jen, she's so cute.
Why didn't you name her Judy?
'Cause that would be weird, Linda.
Not if you really loved her.
This isn't a Hallmark
movie, Linda, okay?
Joey sounds too much
like Judy. It's confusing.
- I like Joey.
- You're confusing.
Yeah, more confusing.
No, I named her Joey,
because you know what?
- What if she's gender fluid?
- There's that.
Mom, watch!
Be careful, Boop!
Oh, whoa!
Henry Harding with a
perfect ten cannonball!
It's a classic for a reason, folks!
- He's the cannonball king!
- Whoo!
It wasn't even that big of a splash!
- Oh, not that big of a splash?
- No.
How about this?
How about that? Oh!
- Oh, you're so dead, man!
- Oh, no!
Wait! No, no. I'm sorry!
Don't wake up, Joey.
- No, baby, no.
- Where'd he go? Where'd he go?
Come on! I'll take you both.
Wait, wait, wait! Time out! Time out.
Time out. Time out. Seriously.
- Get outta here!
- Stop!
You sure you don't wanna
get in? Take a little dipper?
Oh, no, I'm good here.
Well, that works out.
'Cause I'm good here too.
Oh, she is so out.
- Like a light.
- Oh!
Mama's got the magic touch.
Oh, boy.
- I don't wanna sound like a cheeseball
- Too late.
Fair.
But you know,
when I lost Steve, I didn't
think I'd ever be happy again.
I guess the feeling
was so heavy, you know.
Mm-hmm.
But when I think about
what my life is now
What our life is
It's, like, more than
I deserve, you know?
Of course you do. That's dumb.
I've made a lot of dumb mistakes.
Well, I love you anyway.
I love you.
Good.
- Even though you're basically perfect.
- Oh, God, have you met me?
No.
Hi, I'm Ben Wood.
Weird.
What?
I just got déjà vu.
Oh.
You always wonder what that
means when that happens.
It's, um,
your brain reminding you to remember.
That makes sense. I'll remember that.
Ben?
Yeah?
I have to tell you something.