Fuller House (2016) s03e10 Episode Script

1 La, la, la, la, la, la [SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
La, la, la, la, la, la Wow, here we are.
Shibuya Crossing.
The Times Square of Tokyo.
Is Uncle Jesse on that building, or am I crazy? Remember, Uncle Jesse's song "Forever" was number one in Japan in the summer of '92.
Wow.
Twenty-five years ago, and he's still milking the same cow.
How rude.
I wonder why he never told us about it? [JAPANESE PIPE MUSIC PLAYS.]
Are you lost? [FAIRY SNIFFS.]
I am now.
Let's be lost forever.
Forever Cologne.
[WHISPERS.]
They'll never find you.
Now I know why he didn't tell us about it.
People, why are we standing around? We're in Japan.
- [CHEERING.]
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
[MATT.]
Steph! Steph! [MAX.]
Konnichiwa.
Konnichiwa.
I can't wait to propose to DJ.
I'm gonna just do it in the cab.
Really? That's the most romantic place? I was gonna propose at the baggage carousel, but then the bags came and ruined everything.
OK, everybody.
Take someone's hand, and stay close together.
Got it.
Oh.
Thanks, guys, but I'm gonna walk with my kids.
You can hold each other's hands.
Why are we doing this? Because DJ told us to.
Now hold on tight.
[DJ.]
Get ready! OK, light's green! - Move! - [STEVE.]
Go! [CHATTERING.]
[KIMMY.]
Oh, my God! Alright! Good job everyone, we made it.
Hey! Who are you? [SHOUTS.]
Hey, Mom! I made new friends! - There! - Baby, I'll get him.
I got him.
Kimmy, I've been dying to get you alone.
Huh? What? Remember we switched seats? DJ was wearing a sleep mask, and thought she was talking to you.
She told me that she was gonna pick me instead of Matt! Sweet cheese, what did you say? Nothing! I just made this face.
I mean, what do I do? What if DJ really was gonna pick me? This could be our wedding.
Shouldn't you have this conversation with DJ? OK.
I'm gonna talk to DJ right now.
Kiss me.
Maybe not right now? Hey, baby! Oh, Steve! You made it! I missed you so much.
Oh, I missed you too.
How was your plane ride? Why? What did you hear? Nothing.
I'm just making conversation.
Oh! You know, it was a normal flight.
There were no secrets shared whatsoever.
I don't know why I said that.
So Just kiss me.
Hey.
Rose.
Hi, Max! Oh, my.
Is it possible you've gotten more beautiful since last I saw you? It is possible.
My front tooth grew in.
Tomorrow is gonna be a blast.
Oh! I know! I know! I know! I know! We are going to Hello Kitty Land! Oh, I'm so excited! Me too! I can't wait to go to Hello Kitty Land? I think you meant to say Samurai Town.
No.
Hello Kitty Land, the cutest place on Earth! Oh, I've been dying to go ever since I heard about it yesterday.
Please, please, please, please, please, can we go? You'd be my hero forever.
Well, when you put it that way, I really can't say no.
You really can't.
[ROSE LAUGHS.]
[MAX GROANS.]
OK, Steve, it's time for you to meet my mother and my stepfather, The Dragon.
Whoa, hey.
How come he's called "The Dragon"? There are stories.
But they can never be told.
Don't worry, because I learned how to say "your stepdaughter is a treasure" in Japanese.
Mom! The Dragon.
I'd like for you to meet my fiancé, Steve.
Hi, soon-to-be Mom.
And soon-to-be The Dragon.
[IN JAPANESE.]
I paid a lot of money for your stepdaughter.
[IN JAPANESE.]
Are you really going to marry this idiot? He says "Welcome to the family.
" Arigato.
[GRUNTS.]
God bless you.
[GRUNTS AGGRESSIVELY.]
God bless you.
[GRUNTS.]
- [STEVE GRUNTS.]
- OK.
Kimmy.
Bad news.
The kabuki dancers are held up in traffic.
How long before they get here? Eighteen hours.
They're coming from Tibet! Why didn't you hire Japanese kabuki dancers? [MAN.]
Hello, again.
That's like asking, "Why did I fly in the sushi from Hong Kong?" I just did! That's your explanation? Look, I promised there would be kabuki, and by God-zilla, there will be kabuki.
Fernando! Yes, mi amor, what can I do for you? Oh, you are gonna be so sorry you asked that.
[TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYING.]
[DANCERS MAKE BITING NOISES.]
Please tell me that's not Kimmy and Fernando.
You know I can't do that.
[FERNANDO.]
I have a hunch we're not fooling anyone.
[KIMMY.]
Well, it's Saturday night, and I've got a fever.
Maestro! Put some disco stank on that kabuki beat.
[MUSIC QUICKENS.]
People say that, eventually, everyone turns into their parents.
You scared? A little.
And by "little," I mean I'm terrified.
Yeah.
[BOTH GROWL.]
[IN JAPANESE.]
Americans.
[IN JAPANESE.]
Agreed.
By the way, I'm Canadian.
[CHATTERING.]
Kimmy.
We'll talk about that kabuki dance later.
Right now, something even more horrible has happened.
Oh, whatever it is, I'll fix it.
My maid of honor is not coming.
Her passport expired.
[SCOFFS.]
I can't fix that.
Well, hey.
I'm the best man.
Why doesn't DJ be the maid of honor? And then we could walk down the aisle together! I mean, how romantic would that be? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ha.
Wait.
Uh I'm the bride.
I get to pick.
And, um I pick DJ, I guess.
Don't worry, there's literally nothing left to do.
And now, it is time for the maid of honor to make a speech.
Wha What? Oh, yeah.
There was one more thing.
Ladies and gentlemen, DJ Fuller! Whoo! Hi, everyone.
I I'm CJ's dearest friend.
[STRAINED LAUGHTER.]
Actually, everybody tells me that CJ reminds them of me.
Which is probably why I think she's so adorable.
[DJ GIGGLES.]
OK.
Uh To be honest, I don't know CJ that well, but I know that she must be a wonderful woman, because she's marrying one heck of a guy.
And I wish the two of you a wonderful life together.
[GUESTS.]
Aw.
To Steve and DJ! [ALL.]
CJ! [DJ.]
Right! Steve and CJ.
- Cheers! - Cheers! Cheers! Excuse me.
Sorry to interrupt.
But honey, there's something important I need to talk to you about.
Give me a head start, then meet me on the roof.
Ooh.
Hey, Kimmy.
Listen.
I really need to talk to DJ.
Well, here's an idea go talk to DJ.
But you better hurry.
There she goes.
Listen, if CJ asks where I am, just run away.
[DJ.]
Hi, Matt.
Hi, sweetheart.
[DJ.]
Wow.
It's so beautiful up here.
It just got more beautiful when you showed up.
Oh.
You're being extra sweet.
[MATT.]
If you think that was extra sweet, you ain't seen nothing yet.
Oh, Mylanta! Is this really happening? Will you make me the happiest man in Japan and be my wife? This is totally unexpected.
That's what I was going for! I love you, and you love me.
Will you marry me? Yes! Yes! [MATT.]
Let's get this ring on.
Let's go back in and tell the world.
No, wait, wait.
I don't want to steal the spotlight from Steve and CJ.
Oh! You're right.
We'll wait until after they're married, then make the announcement.
I I probably shouldn't even wear the ring.
But Wow! We're engaged.
I was thinking about asking you in the cab, and then in the hotel elevator, and then by the ice machine.
But this is better, right? So much better.
Hey.
How'd your talk go with DJ? I changed my mind.
You know, there's no point in talking to DJ.
I'm getting married tomorrow.
You're not just getting married.
You're getting married Gibbler Style! Well that was a big waste of enthusiasm.
[ROSE SCREAMS.]
It's Hello Kitty Land! There it is! It's even cuter than I imagined! Why are we being forced to go to Hello Kitty Land? Because I am in a committed relationship.
This is going to be torture.
[FERNANDO GASPS.]
My Melody! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! [ROSE SHOUTS.]
It's even cuter on the inside! Come on, we have to go say hi.
[MAX.]
Rose! Slow down.
Say "Hello Kitty"! Hello Kitty! Kitty doesn't have a mouth.
So how can she say "hello"? FYI, they are not kitties, they are little girls and boys who look like kitties, and they all have mouths, except some of them are invisible.
And they can all say hello and have full conversations.
Are you hearing yourself? This is going to be the greatest boat ride of your entire life! [MAGICAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
[FERNANDO.]
Here we go.
[ROSE.]
It's so adorable! [FERNANDO.]
It really is! I think I found my happy place.
[CHARACTERS SINGING.]
[SONG ENDS.]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING.]
Behold! The promised land! The gift shop! How do I look? Oh, Max.
At first, I thought maybe this was too much, but you really pull it off! Can we go now? I know Hello Kitty Land isn't your cup of tea, but that just made it even more special.
I love you, Max.
Holy chalupas! Let's go, Fernando.
Please, do not make me leave.
- Come on, big cat.
- [WHINES.]
This place is so cool.
Where are we? Come on, we're in Harajuku.
This place is famous.
This is Takeshita Street.
It's on my must-see list.
I think everyone's got the same list.
[RAMONA.]
They've got the coolest stores here.
Look, they even have a cat cafe! Cats just go in there and have lunch? No.
You go and hang out with cats if you don't have one at home.
What? That is literally the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
This is so great.
[CATS MEWLING.]
OK.
Everything is right on schedule.
- Well, the bride's all set.
- And she cannot be more beautiful.
Aw.
Thanks for all your help.
I'm just so emotional.
Now I really have to pee.
Wish you would have mentioned that 15 buttons ago.
I'm sorry.
I'll hold it.
[ALL.]
Oh, no, no! It's OK.
We will just gather all of this up, and all you have to do is sit.
Yeah.
[KIMMY.]
Oh.
FYI, your toilet today is a top of the line Sano-Rest 800.
Self-cleaning and bilingual.
Enjoy the ride.
Konnichiwa! Good day.
Good day to you too.
You don't have to talk back.
[TOILET.]
But it's more fun if you do! [CJ.]
Can somebody make this thing stop talking? Try the blue button.
[MECHANICAL HUMMING.]
[CJ.]
Whoa! Nope, that's the vibrating seat.
Maybe try the green one? - [FLUSHING.]
- [TOILET.]
Power flush activation.
[CJ.]
Oh! Oh! It's eating my dress! Oh, no, no, no, no! [DJ.]
Deactivate power flush! [STEPHANIE.]
No, bad toilet, bad! [KIMMY.]
Reverse! Abort! Code red! Whatever you do, don't let go! I don't know [ALL SCREAM.]
[TOILET BLEEPS.]
Sayonara! [EXHALES SHAKILY.]
My My wedding is ruined.
I think I can fix this.
And even if I can't, don't worry.
No one looks at the bride or the dress.
Or is it everyone? OK.
Come on! OK.
Operation Kimono is a go.
Steph, it's your job to create a distraction.
Oh.
Distracting men is my specialty.
Watch this.
Excuse me? Pardon me.
Let's chat next to this little plant right here.
Well, hello, Mr.
Bell Captain.
You know, I I always love a man in uniform.
Act normal.
[HUMMING A TUNE.]
[WHISPERS.]
OK, OK.
I've got a bobby pin for the lock.
Amateur.
Out of my way.
[MECHANICAL WHIRRING.]
Why do you have an electric screwdriver hiding in your head? A good wedding planner is prepared for every situation.
[STEPHANIE SINGING NERVOUSLY.]
[STEPHANIE.]
I I have a condition.
I'm sorry, I just didn't take my medication.
So Tell me, how did you get into the luggage game? - Well, I started as - [WHISPERS.]
Steph, come on.
Let's go.
Oh! Wow! That is a fascinating story, just keep chasing your dreams.
I love Japanese fashion.
I love Japanese money.
I bought a candy bar, and got 10,000 yen in change.
I'm gonna buy a car! Justin Bieber.
Justin.
Those girls are pretty cute.
I think they're looking at me.
Excuse me.
Are you Justin Bieber? - I sure am.
- [SQUEALING.]
[GRUNTS.]
You are not Justin Bieber.
[SCOFFS.]
Look at this! I've been gone one day, and Popko already has three girlfriends.
I am so done with boys.
- Watch out! - [YELPS.]
[HORN HONKING.]
Thank you for saving my life.
Thank you for being so beautiful.
What is your name? What's my name? What is my name? Oh, it's Ramona.
Ramona.
What does it mean? It means "loud.
" [SHOUTS.]
Jackson! See? I'm so lucky you were here to save me.
I'm so lucky you don't know how to cross the street.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Maybe our meeting was destiny.
Not maybe.
Probably.
I must see you again.
Meet me today at three o'clock at Tokyo Dome City Hall.
Here you go.
I don't know what that is or where it is, but I'll be there.
What about the wedding? - You two are getting married? - No, gross! I'll see you at three.
[SPEAKING JAPANESE.]
I don't even know your name! What happened to, "I am so done with boys"? That was before I met the love of my life.
What's-his-name.
[STEPHANIE.]
Hey! Kimmy! Come here! OK, the groom's all set.
- So is the bride.
- [SIGHS.]
All systems go.
Operation Goose Marries Swan in T-minus five.
Repeat, T-minus five.
Over.
You realize you're the only one wearing a headset? There was only money for one.
I blew the budget on Hong Kong sushi.
I can't wait to walk down the aisle.
Wink.
What was that all about? Has Matt asked you any interesting questions lately? No.
Are you lying to me? Yes.
[SIGHS.]
What the heck, I gotta tell somebody.
- Matt asked me to marry him last night, - [BOTH GASP.]
- and I said yes.
- [STEPHANIE SCREAMS.]
Oh, my gosh! Deej, that's amazing! Wha Wait.
Why aren't you "whoo-hoo" -ing? You "whoo-hoo" when Tommy finishes his oatmeal.
I did some "whoo-hoo" -ing.
And then I started thinking.
Would I be "whoo-hoo" -ing about Matt if I had told Steve how I really feel about him? You did tell him.
No.
I didn't.
Actually, you did.
On the plane.
Steve and I switched seats, and that stuff you thought you told me, you really told him.
Steve heard me say that he's my soul mate, and he didn't say a word to me? [SIGHS.]
Oh.
Well, I guess he doesn't feel the same way about me.
Which makes sense, because he's about to marry somebody else.
And so are you.
Right.
Of course.
Whoo-hoo! Hey.
This isn't as bad as I thought.
I'm the only guy here.
But we should get back pretty soon.
We have to change for the wedding and it's almost starting.
You can go if you want, but I'm not leaving.
My true love said to meet him right here.
Your "true love"? You talked to him for, like, 15 seconds.
The most beautiful 15 seconds of my life.
He's not showing up.
[CHEERING.]
[AUDIENCE CHANTING.]
Sexy Zone! Sexy Zone! Sexy Zone! Sexy Zone! Sexy Zone! Sexy Zone! Found him! The cute one on the end.
"Sexy Zone"? Let's go! [POP MUSIC PLAYING.]
[SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
[RAMONA.]
Whoo! - Me? - Me? Nope.
He's pointing at me.
That does make more sense.
I don't even know your name.
[AUDIENCE CHANTING.]
Marius! Marius! Marius! Oh, I'm guessing it's Marius! Come.
Follow my moves.
Why didn't you tell me you were a pop star? I thought you knew! I'm a little famous.
Yeah! Oh, my God! Yeah! Whoo! Sexy Zone! Sexy Zone! Sexy Zone! Thank you, Ramona! Big applause for her! Yeah! Yes! Sexy Zone! [TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYING.]
["HERE COMES THE BRIDE" PLAYING.]
[MUSIC ENDS.]
We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Connie Jane Harbenberger and Steven Hale.
Do you have the rings? Yes, we do.
[DJ.]
Thank you.
Tied on really tight.
[CONGREGATION GASPS.]
That fish swallowed my ring! Well, which fish? The orange one! With the attitude.
[PRIEST.]
That is Toshi.
He's 100 years old.
He has over three million Instagram followers.
Steve, don't worry.
I will get your ring back.
I'll help you.
[KIMMY.]
He went that way! - [MAX.]
Watch out! - [KIMMY.]
By the rock! [STEPHANIE.]
There it goes! [STEVE.]
Get him! There he goes! I'm coming for you, Toshi! - There he goes! - Swim! - Toshi, swim! - [MAX.]
Get him! - Come back, Toshi.
- There he goes! [DJ.]
Toshi! - [STEVE.]
OK.
- [GASPING.]
[YELLS.]
I want that ring back! [SCREAMS.]
DJ! No! [YELLS.]
There he is! I got it! How do we get the ring out? You're a veterinarian! Give him the fish Heimlich! Oddly enough, we didn't learn the fish Heimlich in vet school.
OK.
Here goes.
I'm sorry, Toshi.
Some idiot lost the key to their rent-a-car.
Cough it up, Toshi.
I got it! I got it! - OK, thanks, Toshi! - Thanks! Sorry again.
I'll follow you on Instagram! Did I really jump over those falls just to save your wedding ring? You did.
- You're amazing.
- And you jumped over those falls just to save me.
I'm amazing, too.
Yes.
You are.
[STEPHANIE.]
Hey! Olympic divers! Come on.
Back to the bridge! We've got a wedding to finish.
Oh.
That's my rent-a-car key! I've been looking for that.
Repeat after me: I, Steven Edwin Hale I, Steven Edwin Hale take Connie Jane Harbenberger take Connie Jane Harbenberger [PRIEST.]
to be my lawfully wedded wife.
to be my My Lawfully wedded wife.
Get your head in the game.
[CHUCKLES.]
You don't want to marry me do you? I am so sorry.
You waited until now to do this? I realize the timing is not ideal.
Rose? Honey? Cover your eyes.
[STEVE GROANS.]
[HOARSELY.]
I deserve that.
[GROANS.]
You are a wonderful woman.
And it's just not fair to you if I'm not a 100% sure.
Finish him! Dragon, please.
Rose? Come with me.
You're going on my honeymoon.
OK.
But, Rose Will I ever see you again? Yeah! Next week at school.
Oh Yeah.
Enjoy your honeymoon.
Everybody, I'm so sorry.
Well, everyone looks pretty bummed but I do have some really great news that's gonna cheer you up.
DJ and I are engaged! Whoo-hoo! Since the minister is here, let's get married right here, right now.
I I can't get married now.
I My family's not here.
My whole family.
And my hair is a mess, and I'm soaking wet, and I I'm I I I think we have to talk.
Talk? What do you mean "talk"? You're not changing your mind, are you? I think I am.
I am so sorry.
I I love you.
But it just doesn't feel right.
So you don't want to marry me? I I guess I I don't.
This is unbelievable.
Um This just in! We're not getting married.
We're breaking up! [LAUGHS.]
- I'm gonna go.
- Matt No.
Don't follow me.
[SIGHS.]
Wow.
Yeah, wow.
I know.
Wow.
Hey.
Hey.
So um I didn't get married today.
And I broke off my engagement.
You did? Yeah.
I did.
Huh.
Steve, why didn't you say anything? After you overheard me say that you might be my soul mate.
I was gonna.
Because I feel the same way.
Then I saw you get engaged to Matt! Oh.
But you feel the same way? I do.
Hey, at least I got to say "I do" once today.
[KIMMY.]
How you doing, Deej? Did the sake help? Not the first two bottles.
But the third one was very comforting.
You know, this was a great trip.
Well except for the shattered relationships, the disastrous wedding, and, of course, what The Dragon did to Steve.
[ALL.]
Ugh! But other than that, Japan was awesome! I love this country.
We need something special to remember this adventure.
I'm pretty sure we're not gonna forget it.
I know I'm not.
Are you guys up for something crazy? Crazier than Heimliching a koi? Aw, I love our little she-wolf tattoos! Last chance before we make it permanent.
Let's do it.
And so we officially cement our lifelong bond as best friends forever.
OK.
We're ready.
OK, she-wolf howl on three.
One, two - three! - [ALL HOWL.]
[ALL GROAN.]
- [WOMAN.]
One, two, three, four - [THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]
La, la, la, la, la, la [VOCALIZES.]