Home Economics (2021) s03e10 Episode Script

1
- So, how's Sarah doing?
- Living the dream.
If the dream is mounting a
low-budget children's musical
in Sacramento while
staying with your parents.
That is one of the saddest
full sentences I've ever heard.
Whoa. Tom, nice sweater.
Finally wearing something I would wear.
Well, I thought I should
upgrade from my usual hoodie,
- you know
- Here it comes.
As a "New York Times"
bestselling author.
- You're gonna hear that a lot.
- 100% virgin wool. Very nice.
Thank you.
Hey, how do they know
that the sheep haven't
- That's not what that means.
- Okay.
I have so much to teach you
now that you're not buying
your clothes at Costco.
Hey, remember, when I say
"Christmas surprise "
I do the Christmas surprise.
Oh, they're gonna freak out.
It's gonna be the best one yet.
Hey, guys,
I know that Connor's
usually the one to make
big family gestures, but
it's been a pretty good year
for me, you know, as a
- He's not gonna.
- Oh, he is.
"New York Times" bestselling author.
Wait. Are you about to do,
like, a holiday gift thing?
I got us all tickets
to see "The Nutcracker."
- Wow.
- Ooh.
You're seeing "The Nutcracker."
You're seeing "The Nutcracker."
You're seeing "The Nutcracker."
Tom, that's so fun. I
love "The Nutcracker."
- That name sounds hilarious.
- Move over, bro.
Looks like there's a
new big spender in town.
Oh, yup. Definitely no topping that.
Lupe, abort.
Honey, that's a great
Christmas surprise.
Oh, not no, not Christmas surprise.
What's this?
Oh, it's probably just junk mail.
I'd just throw it out.
No way. Connor, you're taking us
on a ski vacation to
Aspen for New Years?
Oh, my God.
- My, gosh.
- Hey, sorry, man.
I didn't mean to steal your thunder.
No, that's all right.
Yeah, I guess old Tom
might've been bummed,
but new Tom is psyched.
I guess when you're on top,
things don't bug you as much.
I know, right? It's awesome.
We can go skiing and
to "The Nutcracker."
- There's room for both.
- Yeah.
- Two equally cool things.
- Eh.
Yeah, equally cool.
I'm glad new Tom's so chill
because there's also this.
- Lupe!
- Fire in the hole.
Oh.
Come on, man. Now,
you're just showing off.
Brian! Bri-guy.
So how's my favourite money manager?
Really? Your favourite?
Can I tell people that because
that would be huge for me.
Whatever. So how are things?
Great. You know what?
I think I have a real shot
with Linda in annuities.
Not what I'm asking about.
Oh, you meant with you?
Oh, uh, yeah. Um, not great.
Very funny, Brian.
Look, I wouldn't have called
you from our holiday party,
but it's time-sensitive
and, uh, well, I drew
the short candy cane.
We just got an update on
that investment you made
in the wind farm and the update is
that it's gone.
Gone? What do you mean?
Like the stock crashed?
More like a freak storm literally blew
the windmills away and, um,
- I mean, now they're gone.
- So how much did we lose?
Before I tell you that number,
I think it's important
to remember that you have
many other investments
that didn't blow away
and then sink to the
bottom of the ocean.
Okay, so you're saying
w-what are you saying?
We took a huge hit, but hey,
with investments like this
I mean, you win some, you lose some.
- Am I right?
- No!
Not me, Brian. I'm all win.
That's kind of my thing.
Oh, that's a great line. "All win."
Can I use that on Linda?
Here's what we're gonna
do take all the money
from the short-term liquid account
and put it in the fund that
I'm sending you right now.
Okay, well, are you sure about that?
'Cause that's gonna tie
up a lot of your money.
You know, you're gonna have to
tighten the belt for a little while.
Yeah, no, I'm sure.
I put money in here before and
it always surges at year end.
It's like my own, personal golden goose.
We'll be back in the black by New Years.
Commit funds.
Commit funds. Boom.
You know what? You've inspired me.
I'm gonna go all in on Linda.
First step, introduce myself.
Okay, good bye, Brian.
Okay, the hotel is confirmed,
the plane is chartered,
and the custom "Hayworth Holiday"
ski jackets will be waiting
for you all in Aspen.
Right. Aspen.
Oh, good news. The helicopter you like
- is available for heli-skiing
- Oh.
And yes, they can serve
lobster in the air.
- Oh.
- Though they strongly advise against hot butter.
Oh, great.
Great. Hey, Lupe, um
how much is all this?
- What?
- Like, what's the,
- like, price?
- I
I have no idea.
You've never asked me that before.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
Just, um just
just disappointed about the hot butter.
Thank you.
Enjoy the sugar.
Christmas Eve is my favourite.
Christmas day is good,
but it takes so long to
open all the presents.
We don't have that
problem with our family.
Lucky.
My dad makes us save the wrapping paper.
Hey, it's not about the
presents our parents get us.
It's what Uncle Connor gets us.
I've been dropping little
hints about a PlayStation 5.
Like what?
Like telling him I want a PlayStation 5.
I think he picked up on it.
- Oh, no.
- What's wrong?
Santiago, my contractor,
he just said our client
wants to start right after the holidays.
Isn't that a good thing?
I'm just a little nervous, you know?
It's a big leap for me.
And look at his Instagram.
- His work is so good.
- Ooh, back up.
I know. That backsplash is insane.
No, I'm talking about
the insanely hot guy
standing in front of the backsplash.
Oh, that's Santiago.
That's Santiago?
Oh, come on. He's not that hot.
And I thought you
were how do I put this?
- Into girls.
- I'm gay, not blind.
Connor, should I open more wine?
Your family drink like fish.
Sup?
Oh, did you think I was Connor?
That's hilarious. I guess
it's the new threads.
Well, I have been
working out a little bit.
- No, it's the threads.
- Ah, good one, Loop.
There it is.
Nope. Okay.
So many presents.
Yeah, I guess I went a little overboard.
Well, who cares? It's only money.
Who are you?
I know, right? I guess this family
has two successful and
carefree Hayworth men now.
Give you one more shot at that.
No?
Okay, I'm gonna save this for later.
Catcher in the Bri, how we doing?
Not good.
Turns out Linda's married,
and she's pretty into it.
Oh, you meant with you,
right. Yeah, also not good.
What? You got to be kidding me.
I wish. She's been married six years,
but she doesn't wear a ring.
I guess it chafes when she does cross
- Brian.
- Oh, you meant with you again.
Sorry about that. So
yeah, I just stopped back
in the office to check on your
fund, and it is still down.
I don't get it. That
was my golden goose.
I suggest we just sell
now, we cut our losses.
and then we regroup in the new year.
Yeah, I guess I don't have a choice.
Oh, this is incredible news.
What? Stock's back up?
No, no, no. Linda just texted me.
She has a sister.
Okay, good bye, Brian.
Can I please have my phone back?
Oh, absolutely is what I would say
if I didn't find a
shirtless pic of Santiago.
Did you know he's a triathlete?
I'd like to try athlete.
Okay, now it just feels
like you're messing with me.
A little bit.
- Denise!
- What?
- You liked a picture.
- No, I didn't.
Did I? I was just trying to zoom in.
- It's from two years ago.
- Maybe it's not so bad.
Oh, really? What would you think
if the person you just started
working with scrolled through
two years of pictures and liked the one
where you were shirtless?
He's going to think you want to smash.
- Stuffed mushroom?
- Yes, please.
- I'm just gonna unlike it.
- No, don't do that.
Too late. Why?
Because he can also see the unlike
and sometimes the unlike does
more damage than the like.
Remember that picture
of me in the fedora?
Oh, you saw that I unliked that?
You know, I really
wanted to be supportive,
but nothing about that worked.
You looked like a street magician.
That's what I was going for.
Now, my new coworker's
gonna think I'm a perv.
Hey, don't say that.
He'll also think you're indecisive.
What are you wearing?
Oh, this?
Tom must've left it when
they were staying here.
They hoodie is surprisingly comfortable.
I mean, say what you
will, but Kirkland knows
what they're doing when
it comes to loungewear.
Connor, are things that bad?
They're definitely not good, Lupe.
I don't want to freak
the family out, but
I don't think we should do Aspen.
I'm sure things will work out.
You've had ups and downs before.
No, that's the thing. I haven't, okay?
When it comes to the money,
with me, it's always been ups.
I can always see the smart play,
work the angles, but what if
what if I've lost my business mojo?
You know, my bojo.
You're being ridiculous.
You will bounce back.
I know it.
Thanks, Lupe. I can always count on you.
So what'd you come in here for?
I was just printing something.
Right on.
- Is this a résumé?
- No.
Well, I cannot believe that
we'll be ringing in
the new year in Aspen.
All thanks to Connor. Whoo, Aspen!
Yeah. Aspen.
So fun.
Although, in a way aren't we
having just as much fun right now?
More fun than Aspen?
I mean, if you really think about it,
what's the most fun part of skiing?
Taking off your boots
at the end of the day,
having a hot chocolate by the fire.
I mean, does anyone actually enjoy
the skiing part of skiing?
- I love skiing.
- So do I.
Yeah, me too.
Tom doesn't.
He's so scared he'll get
hurt, he still says pizza
and french fries the whole way down.
No. That was the old Tom.
Honestly, I can't wait to get out there,
carve a line in some fresh pow-pow
with the gnarly K2s I just picked up.
Along with a book on ski terms.
Oh, awesome.
Awe-some.
- Man, so we all love skiing.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ding.
- Did you just say ding?
No, that was just a text
alert I got on my phone.
I wonder what it is. Oh, no.
The conditions are bad.
I read the weather report.
It's supposed to snow all week.
Apparently, too much
snow is is what it says
and they say the fresh snow is the
most dangerous.
- Also, someone saw a Sasquatch.
- Oh, the kids would love that.
Yeah, and for the record,
my book say that fresh pow-pow
is the best pow-pow.
Great. Well, this is all working out.
You know, some people say
the true meaning of Christmas
is just being with your
family, but not this guy.
No, get me a chartered
plane and a five-star hotel
and some shellfish at high altitude.
Who cares how much it all costs, right?
Yay, Aspen!
- Feels like something's wrong.
- Yeah, the indecision,
the nonsensical babbling,
I'd recognise it anywhere.
He sounds just like you.
Yeah, well
The old me.
Hey, buddy, you okay?
Is there a waitlist for the new Bentley?
Did the orangutan from
"Dunston Checks In" die?
No.
I mean, yeah.
Sammy died in his sleep in 2010.
- So sorry.
- This can't be about Aspen.
I mean, everyone knows you love skiing.
And Sasquatches.
Maybe I'm,
like, worried about the
environmental impact of a ski trip?
- Environmental?
- What is even happening?
Connor I can't believe
I'm gonna say this, but
are you having money problems?
Yes.
Okay? Are you happy?
I lost some money.
- Connor, we had no idea.
- I'm so sorry.
Yeah, if you want, I can
kick in for the ski trip.
I'm doing pretty well, you
know, as a "New York Times" be
- No.
- Okay.
No, this is a little
more than ski trip money.
Well, what are we
talking about. I mean
do you need a loan?
Oh, Tom.
Thanks, man, I needed that.
And I appreciate the offer,
but this isn't the kind
of loss that you can cover.
Like, how much is it?
I don't think I should say.
Why don't you just write it down?
- Ay, Dios mío.
- It's too big.
- Is that a phone number?
- I'm gonna be sick.
Connor, why didn't you tell us
that you'd lost so much money?
I didn't know how.
It's never happened to me before.
Honestly, I was embarrassed.
Oh, damn it, that sip was like 30 bucks.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Wow.
Did you know your dad
was having money trouble?
We knew Q4 was going to be
rocky, but not like this.
I feel bad fishing for that PS5.
I don't need it.
This house is full of
stuff we don't need.
Wait.
I just got an amazing idea.
We should rob a bank.
We should take the things we don't need
and sell it online,
so my dad doesn't need
to worry about money.
That vase has got to be worth something.
I'll grab the painting.
- Connor, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what to say.
Yeah, me neither.
I do. Cancel the trip.
You know, it's a drop in
the bucket, but it's a start.
Don't worry about us. We'll
be fine. Like you said,
best part of skiing is taking off
your boots at the end of the day,
having a cup of hot
chocolate by the fire.
Thanks, new Tom.
Word.
If you need anything
else, just let us know.
- Yeah, always.
- I appreciate that, guys,
but you don't have to worry about me.
I'll be okay. Things might be
a little tight for a while,
but I still have some money.
Like, how much?
Oh, I'd rather not
I'd rather not say.
- Why don't you write it down?
- Yeah.
Okay.
Are you kidding me?
That's the exact, same number.
You had us worried for nothing.
Okay, it's not about how much I have,
it's about how much I lost.
I knew you guys wouldn't understand.
Didn't these used to be in a bowl?
I can't stop thinking about
the like, unlike thing.
Oh, come on. What's the big deal?
The big deal is that Tom
could've used his book money
on anything, and he
used it to bet on me.
I don't want to ruin it
because the only contractor
that's willing to hire me
thinks that I want to tap that.
Yeah, that is a big deal.
I need Santiago to know
that I'm only interested
in him as a contractor.
Okay, how about we
post a lovey-dovey photo
of you and Tom on your feed
and then Santiago will think
you're in a happy marriage.
I am in a happy marriage.
Yes. Exactly.
Bring that energy to the photo.
Okay. Tom.
Honey, can I borrow you for something?
Oh! Connor, get out of here.
- Ah, hey. What's up?
- Nothing.
Just wanted to say I love you.
Oh, thank you.
You know, I love you too.
I was just thinking about
the time that we went
- We got it. We got it.
- Okay.
And #myangel,
#Iwillalwaysloveyou,
and done. Whew.
Glad that's over.
I am so sorry I got you in this mess.
Just got a comment.
- Oh, and another one.
- Oh.
And another.
"My condolences."
"Poor Tom, he will be missed"?
Oh, yeah. This post makes
it look like Tom died.
This is just gonna ruin everything.
Maybe I should just text Santiago
and explain the whole thing.
Yeah, that's probably for the best.
"He held on for so long."
Oh, boy.
Well, it's official.
Cancelled Aspen.
Good, and you'll be fine.
You still have so much money.
What are you worried about?
It's not about the money, Tom.
It's about me. I'm
worried I lost my bojo.
That's my business mojo.
Yeah, no, I put that together.
What I did is I took
the B from business,
- I took the ojo
- Right.
- From mojo
- From yeah. No, I got
And if you combine them
Wasn't that hard to figure out.
I just have always had a way with money.
You know, ever since I was a little kid
and I first crushed you
guys in that "Monopoly" game.
Remember that?
That was the first time I made you cry.
I was only seven, but I
just I already had the touch.
- And now it's gone.
- Come on, man.
I'm sure this is just a rough patch.
In no time you're gonna
be buying new companies,
laying off their employees, and
stripping them down for parts.
That's nice of you to say.
I just wish I believed it.
Well, I'm sorry for ruining Christmas.
I'm gonna head up to bed and
finish off this night ham.
See you tomorrow.
Yikes. Looks like Connor's
still pulling a full Tom.
Right. Well, the old Tom.
Sure.
Well, it's a good thing I'm the new Tom
'cause I think I know how to fix this.
Oh, it's so gross.
- Morning, sleepyhead.
- Morning, guys.
Come hit the slopes.
What's all this?
This is us enjoying the best
part of skiing right here.
Whew. Got to get these boots off.
- I can't feel my feet.
- Hot chocolate?
Yes, please.
- How'd you come up with this?
- Easy.
I just thought about what you'd do
and I did a much, much
less expensive version.
We have a surprise for you, too, Daddy.
We sold some of the stuff
from around the house
- to make money for you.
- We made 72 bucks.
Ah, wow. Thanks, guys.
It was easy.
We sold some of the art from the wall
and the dinosaur skull
you weren't using.
Really?
You you sold that?
This is all great. I
mean, maybe I don't need
to crush it business
when I have you guys.
Who cares if I lost
my bojo forever, right?
"Maybe I don't need to
crush it at business"?
It didn't work. He's still broken.
I still got some tricks up my sleeve.
Hang on, buddy. You didn't
open your first present.
All right.
- What could it be?
- No way.
- You serious?
- No. Is that
It's Christmas. It's
gonna ruin the whole day.
- I'm sorry. It had to be done.
- Oh, wow!
Sarah threw mine out the
window last time we played.
- With good cause.
- Oh, that's such a
that's such a fun gift to play
with the kids on another day.
- And he's already setting it up.
- I call top hat. Whoo!
Oh, Denise, take a ride on
the Reading to $200 town.
Oh, no. It looks like
I'm running out of money.
- I'll have to stop soon.
- Damn it.
- Welcome to Park Place.
We have a lovely hotel here.
Can I take your bags?
See, the odds of landing
- on Park Place or Boardwalk
- Okay.
Are so low, it's like finding
a needle in a haystack,
but if you own the strip,
you own the whole haystack.
How do I make any money?
I only have the Electric Company.
Trade Tom for the Water Company.
- He's desperate.
- Come on, man.
Water and power's a deadly combo, huh?
Huh.
Remind me to call Bri-guy
about the Burmese hydropower project.
You did it. You gave him his bojo back.
That's business mojo.
Yeah, no. No, I know.
All it took was a little brojo.
Brother mojo.
I don't follow.
- Did Santiago respond?
- Oh, yeah.
Apparently, he never checks Instagram,
so had I not texted him,
he never would've known it happened.
"Glad your lesbian
sister-in-law liked my picture.
Sorry to hear about Tom.
I only met him once. He
was clearly very sick."
- It's not ideal.
- Yeah.
I'll worry about it tomorrow.
- It's Christmas.
- Yeah.
- You ready?
- Tom, this is a very bad idea.
Absolutely.
But let's see how this plays out.
Geronimo! Oh!
New Tom is down.
Oh, my God.
A framed copy of the "New
York Times" bestseller list.
- I love it.
- It's just a little something
to say thank you for betting on me.
Well, you're gonna be amazing.
I mean, I just I know it.
Has she told you about this
hot contractor that she's working with?
- What?
- Hot?
- No.
- I mean, we're not just, like,
sitting around all day just, like,
looking at pictures
of some shirtless guy.
Stop objectifying men, Tom.
Yeah, I mean, don't be
a part of the problem.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
He could be someone's son.
Okay. Yeah.
Sorry.
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
- Hey.
- Mom!
You made it.
Oh, no, not Mom. I'm
Santa Claus, of course.
Come on, Sarah.
- Pull up a seat.
- Prepare to get crushed.
Oh, no. Not "Monopoly."
No. No, no, no. No, no.
Santa promised herself that
she would never do this again.
- Nice try, Sarah Claus.
- No.
- Come on.
- You're being very naughty.
No!