Hung s03e10 Episode Script

I went to that wedding a couple of days ago and I I tell you, I couldn't stop thinking about you.
You know, about us, ahem up there together.
You're my best friend.
And, uh, I well, love you.
Oh.
Will you marry me? Oh, it's so sweet of you to ask.
Congratulations.
Okay.
Well - have a good one.
- You too.
Proposing to a girl I never met Well, after everything I've been through it really didn't seem that strange.
Now Jessica knew everything what I did and who I was.
And you know what? The world didn't end.
So I had to ask myself: If everyone's got their destiny was this mine? Can I help you? Can I help you? - What are you doing? - You must be Ray Drecker - business partner.
- Who are you'? Where is Tanya? She ran out of here all upset.
I don't know what racket you got going but if you wanna look at really good pussy scroll through the pictures on my husband's phone.
Who the hell are you? What are you doing here? "On April 28th, 2011 Ms.
Tanya Skagle engaged Always Quick Bail Bonds to post bail for a Mr.
Charles St.
John in the amount of $40,000.
" - Forty thousand dollars? - "Mr.
St.
John's violated his bail.
Ms.
Skagle's listed assets are Happiness Consultants For Women, L.
L.
C - Come on, Tanya.
- but not limited to the contents of physical plant therein.
“ We're taking her shit.
- Tanya! - Oh, God.
Go away! Tanya, open the door.
I said go away.
Open the door! Open the door! God! Go away, Ray! Get the hell out of here! Tanya! All right, then.
Tanya! Ray, keep it down.
Go away! - You sold out the business! - Go away.
You bet the wellness center on a fricking pimp? - Yeah.
- That's half mine! I am taking care of it.
I'm raising the money.
I am selling my record collection on eBay.
My Dark Side of the Moon has started a bidding war.
We owe $40,000, Tanya.
- You're selling records? - It might work, all right? I don't need your I-told-you-sos right now.
No, no, no, you don't get to fix the problem by yourself, little lady.
It's my problem too.
I'm coming up there, Skagle! You're crazy.
You're fucking nuts! Ray, stop with the Rapunzel crap.
Stay down.
You're gonna get me evicted.
I swear to God.
- You're making me.
- Ray, I swear to God.
You can climb one more step and I'm gonna Uhn! Ah! I'm sorry.
Watch that spot.
The wood's rotted.
Come here! - All right.
Stop it! - I said stop it.
- You know what? We've got till 3:00 Wednesday afternoon or we're done! - You're an asshole! - I'm the asshole? Well, why did you have to sell out the business to a fricking pimp? - Why? - I don't know.
I don't know why, Ray.
- Because I'm an idiot, that's why.
- Yeah.
You know why? Because it was working! It was working, Skagle! It was finally starting to work: The wellness center, the classes.
- You said that it was hooey! - You were right! You were right, okay? A lot of those women are happy.
Happier than when they showed up anyway.
- Okay.
- Yeah You want me to say it? We're making money, all right? Because of you.
You did it.
You did it.
There, I said it.
Tanya, I don't have anything else.
I can say I'm a teacher, but I haven't subbed in three months.
This is it.
This is all I got.
Well, I don't know what to do.
We're gonna find Charlie and we're gonna get our shit back.
We'll get our money.
We'll get it done.
Together.
You wanted to see me, Dr.
Kopylov? Yes, Jessica Haxon.
Uh Come in.
It's about the urine.
This is not Mr.
Patsourakas'.
Oh.
Okay.
Whose is it, then? You tell me.
It says Mr.
Patsourakas on the label you applied but it turns out there's estrogen in the sample.
You know what that means? It's Mrs.
Patsourakas'? She's deceased.
But this is a female sample.
Now I understand sometimes urine spills.
I get it.
But the correct thing to do is just be upfront about this.
You think I peed into that cup? We'll never know, will we? But you did mix up the samples and that is a cause for termination.
- What? - Jessi ca I cannot run my office like a hot-dog stand.
"Ketchup, mustard? Who cares?" I'm sorry.
This is extremely hard for me.
We gave it a shot and it didn't work out.
No hard feelings on my part, anywaY I told you if you would just get waxed you wouldn't even have razors in the house.
Wait, hold on one second.
I'm getting another call.
Hello.
This is the Wild Oaks Suicide Prevention Center.
How can I help you? Hey.
I'm calling because I'm I'm in a bad place.
- Who am I speaking to? - ALF.
Okay, ALF.
- What's on your mind? - I letdown a friend.
This woman is She's really important to me.
Why do you think you did it, ALF? - I was stupid.
- Did you try apologizing? I did.
She didn't accept it.
Have you tried fucking her? Oh, fuck.
- I'm sorry.
- Say it again.
I'm so fucking sorry, Lenore.
- Are you really sorry? - Yes.
- Really, really sorry? - Oh, yes! - Oh! Oh, what's wrong? - I can't do it, Jason.
Why? Why not? Why not? - You burned me too many times.
- I'm not gonna do it again.
I promise.
It wasn't just business for me, Jason.
I had faith in you.
I believed in you.
- I was gonna make you the best.
- I want to be the best.
I want you to make me the best.
It was supposed to be the two of us, Jason.
- Fred and Ginger.
- Mm-hm.
- Bonnie and Clyde.
- Uh-huh.
- You and me.
- Oh.
So why can't it be like that? You let the wrong people into your heart and I can't trust you.
So, what can I do? How do I make you trust me again? Lenore, what can I do? - Parking spot, parking spot.
I Just passed a parking spot.
Perfectly good one, by the way.
- Pshew.
Jesus, it smells bad.
- Ray, could you lock - Just lock the door.
It's a lane! - Okay.
I spilled a latte! Lock the car.
Lock the door, please.
Wouldn't want the smell to get away.
- Just keep it in there.
- Look, stop making fun of my car.
It's reliable transportation.
You're the one with the broken Mustang Mr.
Mid-Life-Crisis car, you never gave your kids, by the way.
I'm still giving it to my kids.
- Yeah.
- What are we doing? I'm not going in here.
- You talk to her.
- This was your idea.
That doesn't mean I have to go talk to her.
I don't wanna talk to her ever again.
- Don't be a jerk.
- What are we doing at a restaurant? Don't be such a jerk.
She ran the plates for us, Ray.
She's a cop.
She is not gonna meet us at the cop station.
I know she's a cop.
She wanted to meet us somewhere where she doesn't know anyone.
- All right, I'll I'll wait here.
- No.
- Just You know what? - I'm gonna wait in the car.
Hi.
We're normal, okay? We're normal.
We're normal citizens.
- Hi, Tanya.
Hi, Ray.
- We're fine.
Hi, Lydia.
Okay, we gotta get Charlie's address, okay? Act normal.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Why don't you have a seat? - Want a margarita? - We can't right now.
We're kind of in a hurry, but we came to We wanted to get that thing.
Sorry.
Oh.
You don't wanna hang out? So I just do stuff for you and you blow me off? Everybody, these are my friends.
This is Tanya and Ray, the best pimp and ho in Detroit.
It's just That's a figure of speech.
Pimp, ho.
Guess which one's the ho? Relax.
Don't take shit so seriously.
I'm just fucking with you.
Here.
What do you say, Ray? Thank you? So nice.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.
That's it, we're done.
We are over! This is it.
It's a full breakup right now.
Sandee, I wanna talk to you and I want you to listen, okay? Hi, Mr.
Ferris, Carol.
- Is everything okay? - Nana died, Jason.
She died in the tub.
Oh, no.
She fell? No, she just died in the tub.
What, Nana was - She was great.
- We were looking at caskets.
We were thinking maybe that one.
The walnut? Jason, can you take out the trash? Because it's starting to stink in here.
I could really use your help in here.
Please.
Sandee? I know this is really it's not This is not the best timing right now but I need some time.
- What? - Like a Like a break.
Or a timeout.
Just permanent timeout.
You're breaking up with me? - Nana is gone and you're dumping me? - It's not you.
It's Lenore, isn't it? - Sweetheart, just calm down.
- I am grieving.
What's wrong? - He is breaking up with me.
What? Jason.
What the hell's wrong with you? My mother is dead.
I got you a Disney travel package and there's a flight, there's a hotel and there's a three-day Park Hopper pass that you can use as soon as you're ready.
Sweetie.
My baby doll.
Did Charlie ever say anything about a farm? God, Ray, I would remember a farm.
I'm telling you, Tanya, this is the road.
The map's pretty clear.
- 5158, 5160 Right there! - What'? Wait, wait, wait.
- That place? - Fuck.
Put it on the grass.
Down on the right, down on the right.
- Down on the right.
- I got it, I got it! - No, you don't.
- Jesus, I'll drive, all right'? - Now you're parked in the middle of the road.
- It's a country road! What, you're gonna put money in the meter? Jesus.
Lydia is fucking with you.
- There's no way this guy lives out here.
- I gotta pee.
Wow.
- Fuck! Ray, get down, get down! - What? It's Missy.
It's Charlie's girlfriend, Ray.
Okay.
Well, that settles that.
God.
All right, so now what do we do? We're in the middle of bumblefuck Michigan and we've got no plan.
Look at these cows.
Look at this color.
That's beefalo.
You know, these are like Ray, how do you know so much about cows? I'm a man, Tanya.
I know all kinds of shit.
Come on, we need a truck.
A truck for what? - He owes us 40 grand.
- Ray.
Ten, 12 of those suckers, we're in the clear.
- I'm driving.
Come on! - Ray.
No, we're not stealing cows.
- Get in the car, Skagle.
- I'm not doing it.
Ray, we're not We're not stealing cows.
Come on.
I said Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop! Ray, that's my car.
Could you please turn the music down? Listen, gnu little shit, turn it clown or I'll shove this up your ass! Fuck you! You're the worst neighbors in the whole world! Turn it down! Thank you! Jessica.
What are you doing here? Jessica.
Jessica, wait.
Why don't we take fingerprints? Find out who else touched that sample? What are you talking about? We're not CSI.
Maybe they did it.
Or maybe Mindy came in and peed in the cup.
Patsy, could you please escort her out? Just so you know, since you already fired me and you can't fire me twice, you are the worst lay I have ever had.
He sings while he screws, ladies.
Oh, yes, show tunes.
And he's got a foot fetish, which is really fucked up for the husband of a podiatrist.
I don't need your crap anymore, Matt.
I have three dependants and an ex-husband I just found out is Ha-ha.
He is not a substitute teacher.
But I would rather clean toilets than spend another minute in here with you.
Go back to your exam, but remember you sexually harassed me and then you fired me.
I want a severance package.
And a bonus.
Have a good fucking day.
Are you doing security or not, Patsy? It's my birthday girl.
That's a good girl.
Patty? I got it.
Yes, that's a good girl, birthday girl.
Who is it, Patty? Is that the Chinese delivery man? Is that our kung pao chicken? Is that our kung pao chicken? I thought you went to Disney World.
I'm here.
Is that your dog? I love dogs.
How did you get into the building, Sandee? I don't wanna fight you anymore.
Jason is destined for bigger things and I know that you can take him there, so I'm letting go.
Here, this is for you.
it's it's a present.
- That's very mature of you.
Thank you.
- Open it.
"Bang"? That's stupid.
I don't get it.
What the fuck? Okay.
Okay, come on, Daisy.
Come on, girl.
Hey.
What? - Come on! Just - I know.
Just kick it.
- It's asleep.
- It'll wake up.
Hey, come here! - Okay, come on.
Come on.
Come on, girl.
- Get in here.
Come on, Daisy.
Come on.
Ah! Ray! - We're gonna get shot.
- Keep moving.
- We're not in the city, Ray.
- Keep going.
In the city, you get shot, it's illegal.
In the country, you just get shot.
Shh! No one's gonna get shot.
Hey.
Just Come on, you big bovine.
- Come here! - You're hurting him, Ray.
- Come here! Ouch! - God, give me the - God.
- I got it, I got it, Ray.
Give me Hey! - Fuck! What the fuck you doing with my cows? Shit, Ray.
- Charlie.
- Yeah, I'm gonna ask you again: What the fuck are doing with my cows? All right, we're taking your cows, okay? - It's a payback.
- I told you I'd get the money back to you.
- I gave you my word.
- Yeah? Well, your word is shit, Charlie.
Look, these are my motherfucking cows.
I need you to put them back in the motherfucking stable so they can eat some motherfucking grass.
Then I want you to get the fuck out.
Don't talk to her like that, okay? We're gonna take 10 of your cows.
- Okay? And then we're gonna call it even.
- Daisy.
- No.
And this don't even concern you.
- Yeah, it does concern me.
All right? Tanya took a chance on you.
- You fucked her over.
- Tanya and I we have an arrangement.
And it worked out fine for both of us.
No, it didn't work out fine, pal.
You walked all over her.
Her heart's so big, you wasted her time and our money.
- To post bail for a bum like you? - So you wanna talk about Tanya's heart? You dumb-ass ho, you wanna talk about wasting time? - Yeah.
- Wasting money? Wasting her life? - You're a fucking money pit.
- I'm the money pit? You're the bottomless ho! Listen, guys! Guys! - Oh, it's me? Don't put your hands on me, man! - No.
Hey, listen up.
Listen up! - Well, I just did! All right? I have a fucking bail bondsman sitting in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven a half a mile from here.
And if you don't give us these cows, all I do is call him and he's here in under a minute.
What? You're gonna send me back to jail, baby? That's right.
I bailed you out when nobody else would answer your phone.
But if you fuck with me I will fuck with you.
Ha-ha-ha.
Thing is, there ain't no fucking 7-Eleven around here.
- Give me this.
Come on, girl.
- Well, then it's a mini-mart or something.
But I Okay.
It's ringing.
It's ringing.
- I'm taking the cow.
Give me the cow.
- Hello.
It's Tanya Skagle.
Hello.
Yes, this is Tanya Skagle calling.
Hey, give me the cow.
You know she's nutty enough to do it.
Don't make me rat you out, Charlie.
Remember what you said? "A pimp always comes through for a pimp.
" I didn't say that.
You said it.
You agreed.
All right.
Just 10 cows.
Don't take the one with the yellow tag on its ear.
That's Nacho.
Little Charlie's favorite.
All right, let's go.
Come on.
We've got one more cow to go.
How do they not fall over? They're cows, Tanya.
They've got a low center of gravity.
God, I think I've got mud in my eye.
- It might not be mud.
- What? Ray, God.
What if it gets infected? Oh, it's floating around in there.
Okay, hang on.
- Just hold on.
- God, it's - it's right in there.
- Come here.
- Stuck in there.
- Come here.
Don't touch it.
- Can you see it? - No.
It's right there.
- Do you? Do you see it? - Yeah.
I don't like it when people touch my eyeballs.
I haven't done anything yet.
Look that way.
- Uh - There.
- Wait, did you get it? - Yeah.
It was dirt.
All right.
Well.
We'll live to see another day.
Yeah.
Orgasmic Living lives to see another day.
Orgasmic Living.
Women love it.
- They love you, Ray.
- They love the whole thing, Tanya.
You need a bath.
You've got a date in 12 hours.
- We'd better hurry and find a butcher.
- What? Where do you think these cows are going, Tanya? Fuck.
Ray, what?