Jersey Shore s03e10 Episode Script

Me and Vinny are having a really good time right now.
Maybe he's starting to feel what I've been feeling.
Come to your bed.
You don't want to do this.
And then he wants nothing to do with me.
Like, make up your mind.
Can we call a cab really quick? - I'll call a cab for you.
- Aww, Mike.
It's a surprise; We're gonna take them to Times Square.
You're not going to Jenk's, you're going to Times Square.
Is that New York City? - Yeah, you know - Where are we going?! It was a good prank.
We need to get him back somehow.
I'm leaving my home right now to go back into the madness at the Jersey shore.
And I'm thinking to myself, "you're ready.
You can do this.
I know who you are, Sam.
You're gonna be fine.
" Dj Pauly Delvecchio! I'm going to the Jersey shore, bitch! All right, we got a situation.
I'm the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet.
After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.
Go Vinny! Go Vinny! You like the boobs? Snook, look what I got you, though, snook.
- Pickle? - Nope, better than that.
Some mother Ron Ron juice.
Yeah, I'm freaking out right now.
I am so anxious.
I don't know if these people are gonna want me back in the house.
I'm nervous to see Ron.
'Cause I don't know how what's gonna happen with that.
I just think I'm a ball of, like, different emotions right now.
You're making that with patron? You really are a patron.
So what does a baby suck on? What does a baby call a bottle? What does it call A baby call a bottle? - Baba.
- Baba.
Where does Pauly go for his haircut? The "Baba.
" Hi, Sam.
Oh, my God! Hi, hon.
Yo, today is crazy! Hi, Sam.
What's up? When I hear Pauly go, "oh, hey, Sam," I think Pauly's joking around, like always.
I look up, and I'm like - How are you? Mwah! - Good.
How are you? Did you have a good li Relief? - Yeah.
- Feel better? - Much better.
- You look good.
Am I dreaming or am I awake? I definitely think it'd be nice if Sam stayed out of the house a little bit longer.
Think I was just starting to find myself, and she walked through the door, and I'm just like, I was expecting it, but I wasn't expecting it.
Have you talked to her on the phone? Today.
And she said she was coming or no? No.
Where are they all? Let's go say hello.
Get down here, right now! Oh, my God! Oh, my God, you're back! - And you look so pretty.
- Oh, my God! I'm gonna cry, I'm so happy.
I, like, was so hastatic that I almost cried.
Get out of here! - Hi.
- Sam, you look so pretty.
Ha-static is when you're, like, you know, when you're, like, super happy and, like Really happy.
All that fighting Is done, though, right? - Yeah.
- Tsh.
No.
You're an ass.
Yo, honestly? She's a cool girl and everything, but There was no fighting.
Let's keep it that way.
All right? You surprised? Well, not really.
Guess what? Sammi's back.
Ehh.
I didn’t even know she was gone.
I didn't even know she was gone.
Whatever.
We'll go out and do what we normally do, you know.
I mean, we'll do it anyway, you know what I mean? So Ronnie's acting, uh, like he's not too happy either.
Didn't even really say hello to her too much.
You know, it's back to the old, uh, Ron and Sam saga.
Did you see Ron? Really, really quick.
- And - He didn't say anything.
Just said hello and walked away.
I was like, "oh, my God.
" - So single Sammi or - Yes.
- Promise? - Yes.
- Are you happy? Yeah, I needed that, like, really, really bad.
- Good.
- Your mood's good.
Your nails are good.
My toes are good.
My nails are good.
I can go get nails done.
What? - Hi.
- How we doin', good? Yeah.
You look pale.
- Me? - Right? Uh, I was just [Bleep.]
Like I saw a ghost, that's why.
It was shocking for you to walk through the door, nothing for nothing.
Pale.
I mean, now they're telling secrets.
He was, like, so depressed about you.
Oh, my God, so depressed.
Was it really that bad? Like, he's reallythat bad? Not a chance.
We went to karma the other night, and we had like a long, like, drunk conversation, but he was like, "I know I was wrong.
" He was like, "I just lost the best thing I ever had.
" He goes, "I will never find a girl like that, ever again.
" So the fact that he knows that he's a and he [Bleep.]
up He needs to go through it.
I'm sor I hate to say it, but, like, I've been put through enough.
Like, mentally and emotionally I've been distraught.
We know.
We'll see what happens.
Right now, I need to focus on myself.
I feel bad for you now, dog.
I was a little thrown off by that for a second.
I feel no different.
Oh, God.
"Did he go out anywhere? Was he talking to a girl?" "Wait, did he go to the gym?" "Was he talking to a girl at the gym?" "No.
" "Dancing?" "He went with Pauly and Vinny?" "Did they talk to girls?' "they went to get dinner.
" "Did he talk to girls there?" "Did he talk to the waitress?" "Did he order food?" "What did he order?" "Caesar salad.
" "Was that with chicken?" What a [Bleep.]
joke.
The joke's on me, huh? Let's get ready.
So what are you wearing? Wear that I'm gonna do something else.
Sexy? No frickin' booty shorts.
- Do something dressy.
- Purple dress.
Do I look embarrassing? Only when you wake up.
Let's walk to karma.
Vinny, I wanna cuddle.
Want me to go over there? For what? Snooki called, and I obey.
Huh? What? I wanna cuddle tonight.
If you really want me to I understand if you see a girl at the club and you want to bring her home, but If you really want me not to bring home a girl, tell me.
- I want - But you might you might You might do your thing, you know, so Nah.
Oh, I definitely want to try again with Vinny.
I actually named his penis Moby Dick.
And I would love to try again to see if it would work.
Maybe tonight.
I wanna be with Vinny.
Get up! Yo, you just I'm annoyed.
All right, let's take the shot so we can get in the cab.
It's time to go.
To Sam being back.
To blowouts, boobs To the trip to New York City! Yo, cheers to Times Square! Yeah! Times Square! Times Square! I don't wanna, like, smother you.
Things with me and Ronnie are awkward.
You're sucking up to me.
Ron pretty much looks like a douche bag.
We have an emergency with that toilet.
Help! I missed you.
I really did.
I miss you too.
I love you guys.
Single ladies! I can't hear you! Single! Single ladies! When Sam comes out in her new blue dress, I'm like, "God, you're [Bleep.]
hot.
" me, right? Good, how you doin'? Where'd the guys go? - I don't, uh - What's happenin'? Hi.
- Save your life? - Huh? - Save you? - No, no.
He's just hanging out.
What, are you by yourself? Ooh.
You're gonna be taking jabs all night, huh? You do look beautiful, though.
You're sucking up to me.
Ron, this is my first night back.
You could say "you're beautiful" all you want, but it doesn't change anything.
Like, [Bleep.]
Suffer for a little bit more.
Like, come on.
Suffer.
I don't wanna, like, smother you, but - No.
Ron pretty much looks like a douche bag.
Sam wants to hang out with the girls, do her own thing.
And Ron's just like a little puppy dog chasing after the girl.
What's with you tonight? Are you all right? I'm happy you came back.
Oh.
Are you leaving? No.
Want me to? Go on, have fun.
I think it's fair, if somebody wants their space, you gotta give it to them.
You can't sit there and Chip away at 'em.
I just do my own thing.
It's like hang out with your friends.
I'm not gonna hover over you.
I think I like Vinny a lot.
Why wouldn't you? Is he into you or not.
Want me to find out? Just leave it alone.
But, hey, really think, like, I'm getting, like, feelings now.
Uh-oh.
I don't know what kind of message Vinny's sending Nicole, but Nicole and Vinny have some sexual tension that they need to really talk about.
'Cause it could be dangerous to the health.
If he brings home a girl, I'm gonna kill myself.
What's your name? Laura.
Laura, I'm Vinny.
Vinny? I'm Dominican.
Dominican? All right, well, well, well.
Dominican girls are hot, because they can dance, they can move.
They got tans.
They got big butts.
You know, nice, full lips.
And Dominican girls got that flavor that an Italian guy needs.
I wanna have, like, ten of your babies.
- Ten? - Like right now.
Right now, ten of them? So tonight, we're gonna have ten babies.
I was I was serious, though.
I'm dead-ass serious.
As soon as I see a girl, I always look to the right or left of her to see if the girl has a cute friend for my boy Pauly.
Yo, would you be the godfather of my baby too? Oh, hell, yeah.
Hell, yeah.
Me and Vinny got a set of chicks that are D.
T.
F, and we are taking them home.
Let's go out that way.
Yo, you following me, bro? Yo, you looking at my girl, bro? You following me, bro? What do you want to do, stay or go? We need to know.
Wanna leave? Do you think Vinny brought somebody home? What? 'Cause I wanna touch Vinny! Just don't blow your friendship, you know? I wanna touch Vinny! That poor girl Snooki, she pretty much is like, "I wanna go home to Vinny.
" I was like, "all right, let's go home to Vinny.
" I don't take Laura to the smush room, because I got a bed.
Pauly knows how to not block me in the room.
I know how to not [Bleep.]
block Pauly in the room.
It's kind of like we have our own individual smush rooms.
Where's Vinny? Vinny! Really? She's straight up crying over you Snooki's being a hypocrite for being mad at me for having a girl.
Meanwhile, Snooki hooks up with all of seaside.
I wanna be with you.
You didn't bring home a guy two nights ago? Deena, you're scaring me! We're gonna die.
You're fun.
Where's Vinny? Who's in there? Eww.
Does Vinny has a girl? Who do you have? Hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
Uno.
Dos, dos.
Dos.
Uno, dos.
Uno, dos.
Tres.
That's not okay, Ronald.
Man, get off.
I hate you.
I hate you! I hate you, Ron.
I hate you.
What are you doing to her? Ron, I need to go pee.
No, that's not okay.
Ron, let me go piss.
Go piss upstairs.
Go.
Where are we going? He likes you.
Get it through your head.
Okay? So I can't go to his room right now? No, because you know what that's gonna do? It's gonna 'cause big fight.
There's a girl in his bed.
- Vinny brought a girl home?! - Shh.
You don't need anybody to make you feel that way.
You're hot.
You can get whoever you want.
Sam's, like, going along, like a little [Bleep.]
puppy.
It's like, you don't do that.
They're getting it in.
You see the light's off.
Leave 'em alone.
Vinny, brought a [Bleep.]
girl home! Snook, snook.
I love you.
- Really? Nicole, we're better off without any guys.
I'm telling you.
Sam, what? They always treat us so bad.
Why? Guys are [Bleep.]
, and Ron is.
So if I'm gonna say guys are and Ron's in the room, I'm gonna look right at him, 'cause he needs to know.
Ron's no different.
He does the same thing.
Big Brother, little sister.
Were you not in the bed with Gianni the other night? Come on.
Vinny's an ass [Bleep.]
, and that's it.
I don't even know why Ronnie would give me advice when he's, like, such, like a terrible boyfriend with Sam.
Look, look look Get off me.
Get off me.
- Will you listen to me, please? I'm going to bed.
And good night.
And good night.
So [Bleep.]
over Vinny.
I'm looking out for the both of them.
Don't act like a drunk Though right now.
I love Ron.
But it's not our time right now.
Maybe in the future, you know, if he grows up.
Right now, I don't think he's really getting it, like where I'm coming from.
I can't be in a relationship with somebody like a cheater and a liar.
I can't do it.
Wait, I'm so Right now, because - Look at me.
- No, like I'm done Falling for the bull.
I'm not gonna just fall back into your arms.
I'm getting mind- right now.
Okay, then, I'm gonna go.
'Cause I don't want to do that to you.
I don't know what's going on in Sam's head.
Every time she says, "I'm done, I'm done, "we're done, I'm done, e, you're done, we're done, I'm done, you're done.
" Like, I don't even know at this point.
Really.
Because it's not okay.
It's not okay.
This is ridiculous.
Jersey turnpike, that.
Me and deena decided to walk home from the club.
I don't know what the hell we're doing.
I have to pee.
Can I pee? I'm gonna pee right over here.
I have a napkin in my purse! I have a napkin with a number.
It's a napkin, but it's a number on it.
I'll keep it always.
Eww! You peed on my foot! Eww! Eww! I got pee on my foot.
There's something wrong with me.
You peed on my foot.
I want you to wipe it off.
I'll wipe it off in the house.
How you doin'? Um, could I also have another cab, please? Wanna cuddle me tonight? I will.
Wow.
I can't hold my pee anymore.
Who is these girls? Come in here.
Come on.
Maybe Vinny's not the one for you.
But somebody out there is.
I'll cuddle with you.
He brought somebody home.
Come on, she looked like a [Bleep.]
rodent.
- Hit me up.
- All right, I will.
It was it was nice to meet you.
- Bye, Vinny.
- Bye-bye.
Come on, you know he's doing it on purpose just to get a rise out of you.
Really? He's such a pig, just like Ron is.
He's such a pig.
I'm so over it.
Yo, she's like crying right now over you.
Just so you know.
That's so stupid.
She wasn't crying the other night with Gianni.
- That's what I said to her.
- But that's her drunk.
She gets with gir Guys every time she can.
She wants to have sex with me, meanwhile, she gets with a kid the night before.
Get the hell out of here.
Can you go in there and talk to her? Jenni, come on.
I'm what did I do wrong? I don't know, but she's straight up crying over you right now.
Snooki's being a hypocrite for being mad at me for having a girl, meanwhile, Snooki hooks up with all of seaside.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Nicole, why are you crying? Like, why are you crying? Tell me.
I wanna be with you.
You don't understand.
Nicole, you didn't bring home a guy two nights ago? Vinny, stop.
You didn't bring home a guy two nights ago? I didn't do anything.
Just go have [Bleep.]
fun.
Nicole, you're drunk.
Tomorrow, we're gonna talk about this and it's gonna be all good.
I don't care if you're mad at me.
I just want you to be okay.
I love you.
I don't know, I guess I'm wrong.
Because I can handle her getting with guys, and she's upset that I had a girl home tonight.
So if I'm a piece of [Bleep.]
, I'm a piece of.
She is starting to grow some feelings for you.
Do the right thing, vincenzo.
And then he's bringing home all these girls.
- Are you fully gay? - No.
Awesome! My life.
Nasty, bro.
What'd you do to our bathroom? - Me? - That's disgusting.
Nobody in this house owns up to anything.
- Clean that bathroom.
- I'm not touching it.
Vinny Stinks.
- You guys wanna do bowling? - Yeah.
Nicoley, get your butt up.
We're going bowling.
Get your little guidette butt up.
I'm a little depressed right now, just because everyone's going bowling.
They're going out to eat.
And I just can't get out of bed 'cause I'm so tired.
I'm so hung over.
And I'm still mad at Vinny.
- Yo! - Let's go! We're leaving! Mike! Let's go! - Who's driving? - I'm driving.
I'm actually a good driver.
Snooki's not coming, right? I'll follow them.
Does everybody have their seat-belts on? I miss driving.
Wow, deena just made the most awful turn I've ever seen in my life.
Deena's driving? - What the hell? - That was bad? This girl's out of control.
I just spilled my coffee, and I don't even drink coffee.
She turned and almost went into the cars on this side.
Deena, move to the left.
- We're gonna die.
- I'm fine.
My God.
Literally, we're on the parkway on the way to bowling, and our car was going off the Lane, like, into the side railing.
Deena, you're scaring me.
We're gonna die.
Deena might be the worst driver in the tristate area.
I mean, I was scared for my life.
- What was that? - Come on! - What was it? - We're gonna die.
It was the worst decision for her to drive.
- We're gonna die.
- Wait check in here.
I might have a napkin.
We're gonna die.
I kept saying, "we're gonna die, we're gonna die, we're gonna die.
" Ah, you're gettin' drunk.
You got blue balls? Yeah.
You are not driving home, little blast.
Ohh! I wanna kiss the ground out there right now.
Really? It was that bad? Damn! Bowl for her.
What's going on? What? With my girl.
It's more complicated than that.
Like, do you like her or no? I love Nicole.
She's starting to grow some feelings for you.
Stay! Break! Stee-rike! No, she's like crying hysterically all day and night over you.
I know, I don't want her to cry, but I think you guys should have your own talk.
None of my business.
She just creeps up on me.
Like all of a sudden, everything's fine.
She's hookin' up with guys, you do you.
And then all of a sudden, she starts crying.
Do the right thing, vincenzo.
I don't feel like bowling anymore; I'm done.
Have your shoes and everything? I can't make lefts in [Bleep.]
Jersey, right? You all right? You better? I feel embarrassed.
I remember leaving the club.
The whole time, you were talking about how much you like Vinny and love Vinny.
I just remember hearing you crying the whole night.
Do you have feelings for him, or you were drunk? I mean, I like him.
Like, you like like him? I think so.
That's not good.
'Cause then why would I say that? - I - I think I like him.
Like, he's a comfort zone.
He's always the one that you can fall back on.
And he's your roommate.
I thought you were just drunk and being stupid.
I was like, "she's gonna wake up tomorrow and not even know what the [Bleep.]
she did.
" I'm embarrassed.
My life.
It's just not a good look for me to, like, starting to have, like, feelings for him, like, liking him.
And then he's bringing home all these girls, telling me he's not gonna bring anyone home, so we can cuddle, and then he brings somebody home.
It just makes me look stupid.
- Is she embarrassed? - I think I think she's embarrassed.
I think, just, everything that's been going on, the whole Nick thing.
It's like one thing after another.
I think she just looks for relationships.
That's what it is.
And I think every guy she does start to talk to, she thinks of it as, "this could be my boyfriend.
" She's not the type of girl that can just hook up with somebody.
That sucks.
It does suck.
- I feel bad.
- I know.
You okay? Can I stay here for a second? - No! Mm-mmm.
- No? I just want to be alone.
Go away.
- Go away? Oh, my God! That fat one is actually kind of cute.
Like, I would definitely, like, hang out with that.
Nice muscles.
S.
T.
D.
From what? You can't get an S.
T.
D.
from that.
Would you like to call that doctor in there? It won't be long before Mike's [Bleep.]
falls off.
- Ohh! - Ohh! This is like the perfect Sunday.
Yo, that bathroom's gross again.
I just cleaned it two days ago.
I was gonna touch it, and I'm not.
I cleaned that I can't clean it again for the I'm not doing it I'll let bugs go in there.
What'd you do to our bathroom? - Me? - It's disgusting.
Me? Nobody in this house owns up to anything.
There's a clogged toilet.
Nobody knows who did it.
There's like a [Bleep.]
ghost in this house or something.
I'm going into your nasty-ass bathroom, so Wait till he opens that toilet.
He's gonna turn right around.
No, he It is it is beyond stinky in there.
It's so gross.
Let me in, .
Ohh! What is that? Oh, did somebody just [Bleep.]
in there? Oh, my God! I think somebody still [Bleep.]
in it! Oh, my God! I'm choking on the smell.
I can taste it in my mouth right now.
Let me see.
Ohh! Ohh! Oh, there goes That water's green, bro! Water's green! I know, it's like algae.
- Ohh! - Ohh! Ah, that [Bleep.]
Stinks.
Aah! The smell is just "permanating" through the air.
It is just It's just not a good situation.
I can't even elaborate.
Who took another in there? 'Cause that, it was like Nobody could do that.
Somebody did it.
Somebody took an extra in it.
Why do they do that? If there's a plumber in this universe that will face the in my toilet, he deserves a medal.
Help! Hello, shore store.
Danny speaking.
- Danny, it's jenni.
- Hey, what's up, jenni? How we doing? We have an emergency with that toilet.
I thought you guys took care of that a long time ago.
No, it never got fixed, so we need your help.
All right.
That makes total sense to me.
I know, we're ass.
I get it.
I'm sorry, I can't do nothin' for you.
It's Sunday night.
I'm kind of busy.
Just like every other plumber.
You guys should have taken care of this days ago.
Tomorrow, I can have that taken care of, but tonight, you guys'll just have to deal with it.
- Okay.
- All right? - All right, bye.
- Later, bye.
This sucks.
sucks.
Maybe if some of our bathrooms were fixed, some of us could use them all at the same time.
Plumber's coming at 11:30.
Oh, my God, smells like.
Hello.
How are you? I'm rich and that's Mike.
We're the plumbers.
Oh, hello.
How are you? Good.
How are you? What's, uh, what's the problem? You might be scared.
Ah, great.
The plumbers are here, finally.
The fat one is actually kind of cute, like, I would definitely, like, hang out with that.
- Nice! - Can you fix that? UhI'm gonna definitely try.
- Are you scared? - No, I'm not scared.
No.
Does your butt crack hang out? - Yes, it does, actually.
- Cool.
- I have to get out of here.
- Yeah.
Good luck.
Ugh.
Yeah, grab the toilet auger off the back of the truck.
I'll try that first, and then after that, we're gonna have to take the toilet out, pretty much.
How long has it been like this? Like two weeks.
Ah, God.
That's lovely.
I'm surprised you guys don't have maggots in here yet.
It smells so bad.
Maggots? Yeah, maggots, absolutely.
They'll crawl into the bedrooms.
Get out! Let me in.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna vomit.
Excuse me.
- Nice muscles.
- Thanks.
Ugh! I don't think I'm gonna eat for four days.
It's stuck.
Somebody flushed a pair of underwear Oh, my God! Actually, I would have to say that's a.
That's probably Vinny's.
Give it to one of your housemates.
Yeah, you can't flush tees down the toilet.
- No.
- Who does that? Eww! Works now.
Do you scrub it clean too? No, you're scrubbing it clean.
- Seriously? - Seriously.
I'll spray it down as much as I can if you have some, like, cleaner in the house somewhere.
Cascade? Hi, boo! Oh, my God.
So guess why the toilet is clogged.
Why? Someone flushed a [Bleep.]
tee.
What? Swear to God.
Who wears [Bleep.]
tees? Vinny? I wanna [Bleep.]
them up.
Watch the splash.
I guarantee it's like when they took a shower, they [Bleep.]
dropped it in the toilet and tried to flush it You know what I mean? 'Cause they didn't want to pick it out.
Yeah, they didn't want to pick it out.
Flush it a few times, make sure there's, like Not the rest of an outfit down there.
Did we get a size on that [Bleep.]
tee, or a brand? Oh, yeah, what size? It was a small.
Small? It's Vinny's! - Vinny! You can use it.
It's cleaned up a little bit.
Thanks.
You guys have a nice rest of your day.
And I'll send the boys the bill.
Yeah, send the boys the bill.
Absolutely.
Have a good day, girls.
Thank you so much.
Bye.
All my is gonna smell now.
Roger, I've been dying to tell you this.
Someone flushed a [Bleep.]
tee down the toilet.
I can't wait Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on.
Oh, it's the big time, yeah.
Who's shirt was in the bathroom, that gray one, by any chance? I don't shower down there.
- I don't know.
- What's up? Find out who put the [Bleep.]
tee in The toilet? Vinnie! What are you looking at, bro? Why would I put a [Bleep.]
tee down my own toilet? This is my theory.
A guy might have been getting in the shower or change.
Took the [Bleep.]
Tee off.
It dropped in the toilet.
Some people don't wanna pick it out of the toilet.
So they're like, "all right, I'm gonna flush it.
" That is an amazing rationalization.
Maybe there was another alien planet out in front, and he shot a laser beam through the glass and you got scared, used the wife beater to cover your eyes, it slipped, you forgot the [Bleep.]
tee was over there.
You didn't want the evidence of the alien, so you put it down the toilet and you flushed it and you I got it! - You know what? That happened, now that you said it.
That's what happened.
I am asking someone with the good graces to go [Bleep.]
clean that bathroom.
I'm not touching it.
I cleaned it five times already.
And while you're at it, hit the community bathroom.
Yeah.
Word.
- Busted.
- Me? - I don't know.
- Someone.
To be honest with you, I feel bad, because I haven't washed a dish yet, I haven't cleaned [Bleep.]
yet, except my room, so I think this is the time for me to step up.
So I decide to do it.
Poop.
Aah! Man.
Just lovin' the place I'm in.
Ohh.
Poop stains! Aah! No.
Here, in between his sheets.
Mike, we got you, mother.
Ugh, I had that chick over the other night.
Bad? It smelled like grated cheese.
The cheese bed is the best prank.
You're a sucker.
For me? Really? I made mad [Bleep.]
today.
This is the ones I wanted.
I know.
Ronnie, definitely I feel like is reformed.
I, like, love talking to him.
I love being with him now.
Just because he's happy and he's different.
He's changed.
Get your butt up, please.
Snook, you staying home? I don't know.
Let's do something else.
Like what? Think we're all just gonna be sober And hang out tonight for the, like, the first time all summer.
Let's get virgin margaritas.
I actually like not going to the bar.
Right? So me, Ron, and Sam, team sober tonight.
We wanna do something fun.
So we decided to go to beach bar.
Cricket.
There's nobody here! Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Cool! I want to wake up and not have a hangover.
And, you know what, I can have a good time without drinking.
So, you know, you, alcohol.
Hi.
Something to drink while you're looking? Can we have three tequilas? I'm just kidding.
- No, no, no, no.
- I will Yay, should have seen your eyeballs.
Oh, my God, this is gonna be a horrible time.
The weather in seaside tonight is pretty dreary.
But we're all going to aztec together.
Hopefully, there's a couple hot chicks and good music pumping, and we're gonna have a good time tonight.
I'm gay.
She's my girlfriend.
For real? Are you fully gay? - No.
- Awesome.
Oh, there he is.
You look good.
I haven't seen Roger for a while.
Um, I was just real excited to see him.
He's so cute.
Cheers.
Cheers.
So what else? - Nothing.
- What'd I miss? I went spray tanning naked today.
So am I going to get all orange later? - I took a shower.
- Oh.
I was worried about that.
Rubbing off on you.
- How old are you? - 21.
Are you sure you're 21? Wanna see my I.
D.
? That was when my hair was blonde.
All right.
You're good.
All right, so what are we gonna get Mike back with? Fart on his pillow! So, like you could fart on his pillow, so he gets pink eye.
Because Mike loves pranks so much Sending me to the city, last year putting under Vinny's bed.
Why don't you get a taste of your own medicine, Michael? Let's open up the fridge and see what we've got.
Let's see what we're working with here.
- Cream cheese.
- Grated cheese.
That'll do.
So me, snook, and Sam are gonna go upstairs and prank his bed.
Ooh.
Looks like a pizza.
Should I add some cream cheese? Ear it into his sheet.
He doesn't wash his sheets anyway.
So he's never gonna find it.
And we just started making a nice smorgasbord of all kinds of cheese and red pepper.
That's for sending me to New York, mother.
And that's like the sealing to the whole joke.
You got cheesed, you old cheesy bastard.
Yeah, it's gonna stink.
Mike, we got you, mother.
Oh, we got you.
This is for sending me to New York, you - Your face.
- Cream ch - Team sober, bitch! - Ohh! - Booyah! I think you're hot, but you wanna do you? I'm happy where I am.
Promise? Promise.
- Promise? - Promise.
I promise.
My girl is 100% D.
T.
F.
When do you go home? And that's it.
So add me to the smush board.
I got a hot chick.
Bringing her to the bedroom.
And I'm getting it in.
Hello? Pauly? Boo boo! We all know Roger.
Wanna see my duck phone? Right there.
- Hi, Dee.
- This is Sammi.
This is Ronnie, this is Snooki.
- Hi.
- This is Blair, this is Blair, this is Blair.
Is that it? I don't know, but it looks good.
- What up? - Hello.
- That's Snooki.
- Hi! - Hi.
- That's Sammi.
- Hi.
- What is what is What are we doing to ourselves? Let them do their thing.
UmProbably gonna have ice tea.
That was fun.
I used to love that game.
Me too.
You want water? Yeah.
My nipples won't stay in my shirt.
Their beer goggles are terrible.
Scares me.
You want some comfortable stuff? All right, good idea.
Put these on.
Oh, no.
The cheese.
Will you shut the light? They're both going to get pink eye.
Good.
That's gross.
Smells like garbage.
Oh, my God.
Speaking of smell, ugh.
I had that chick over the other night.
Ugh.
Ew! - I had to kick her out.
- What smell was it? It was obviously her, you know what I'm saying? It wasn't me, it [Bleep.]
smelled like [Bleep.]
grated cheese.
- Ohh.
- And but - Like a Sushi market? No, but no, it didn't.
It just smelled like grated cheese.
And I was like, "what is that smell?" She's like, "do you want your clothes back?" I'm like, "no, you can keep the clothes.
" - Grated cheese? - Yeah.
I think the cheese bed is the best prank in Jersey Shore history, just because no one ever pranked Mike like that, and the fact that he thinks it's a grenade.
Grenades [Bleep.]
smelling like cheese, when, really, it's your frickin' bed smelling like cheese.
You're a sucker.
You're a sucker, bro.
- What? - He got a girl over.
And he goes, "I couldn't hook up with her, 'cause she smelled like grated cheese.
" It is so extremely satisfying, knowing that we got, like, the ultimate pranker himself.
That's gross.
This prank is friggin' fabulous.
She left, I had to spray my bed with axe.
And they smelled horrible.
I didn't know what it was.
I'm like, "yo, it smells like grated cheese right now.
" So then she gave me [Bleep.]
, and she was done, and I'm like, "yo, I got your taxi ready outside.
" What? You can get an S.
T.
D.
from that, you know.
S.
T.
D.
from what? You can't get an S.
T.
D.
from that.
Yes, you can! That's a big way to get one! You can get it you can get something from? I don't think you're correct.
Would you like to call that doctor in there? Mike is so dumb when it comes to safe sex and S.
T.
D's I'm [Bleep.]
calling the doctor.
We have a doctor in the book.
Like, are you kidding me? This goes back to fifth grade, like sex education.
You have to practice safe sex.
What happens when something smells like grated cheese? No, we're gonna also find out if you catch - Hello? - Hi, how are you? - How are you? - Grated cheese.
My roommates would like to know if you can still catch a sexually transmitted disease without using a condom if one of my guys in the house gotoralpleasure.
Certain ones, yes.
Usually the main one that's contagious that way is herpes.
The main one that's contagious that way is herpes.
Uck! And we also had a woman come in here that had a smell like Grated cheese.
Grated cheese, does that mean she had a, um - Yeast infection.
- Yeast infection? - Yeah, possibly, yeah.
- Yes, possibly.
Ohh! It won't be long before Mike's [Bleep.]
falls off.
Wow, she really left her Mark.
Oh, yeah.
I just got.
That's it.
I did make out with her Which means you probably might get some yeast in you.
Hi, dear.
Are you going out? - Yeah.
I want to apologize if I said, like, [Bleep.]
up to you the other night.
I was really drunk.
Mm-hmm.
And if I was, like, mad stupid.
It was upsetting me.
I didn't want you to cry.
Yeah, but you know I can't listen.
I just don't want anything to, like, change between our friendship.
'Cause you know I love you.
I don't want you to cry like that anymore.
- My bad.
- Not because of me, but because of anything, you know? You were, like, hysterical.
Like Stop! Like one of those cries.
Like Yeah, embarrassing.
Cool So I can keep on smashing girls? Yeah.
- At least I want to see you.
- Awesome.