Less Than Kind (2008) s03e10 Episode Script
Jerk Chicken
1 Who are you? I'm Katya.
Let's go fuck with boys.
Previously on Less than Kind Who are you supposed to be? Who do you want us to be? So, I guess she's not coming to VJ's with us tonight.
Well, she wasn't there last week, or the week before, or the week before, so I'm gonna go with "no.
" Welcome to the team.
Are you serious about this? What does it look like to you? Well, it looks like a wrestler skinned my friend Sheldon and is wearing him like a track suit.
Who are you again? Sheldon, I'm your girlfriend.
Blecher, you monster, you swept up! I fucking killed him! Yeah! Chugga-chugga-woo! Chugga-chugga-woo! What am I? The Victory Train! And who's my first class passenger? Sheldon! Grab on, Sheldon.
Chugga-chugga-woo! Chugga-chugga-woo! Chugga-chugga-woo! Chugga-chugga-woo! Chugga-chugga-woo! Now, what's our first stop? Church! Chugga-chugga woo.
.
I've got about 800 million thank-yous in my throat right now.
I've never won a tournament before.
Blecher, lead us in prayer.
Amen.
Um Guys, I'm still kind of a big Jew.
Jesus doesn't care.
Same God, different dress.
Take it, Sheldon.
Hang on, Lord, he'll be right there.
He's a busy man.
You gotta keep his attention.
Uh Lord, I wanna thank you for the brotherhood of this wrestling team.
Yeah! That's right! And, uh, for the guidance and wisdom of our coach.
I love you guys so fucking much.
Sorry about the "fuck," Lord.
Carry on.
Okay, um How do I-- How do I bring us home? You just thank Jesus, Sheldon.
Thank you Jesus Not bad, Sheldon.
See? Jesus is a pretty cool guy.
All right, guys.
Now let's get back in there because there's a medal waiting for this throat! Yeah! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Woo! Sheldon! Sheldon! Shel-- Guys Guys! Oh ah, ouch.
And up above us all Leaning into sky Our golden business boy Will watch the north end die And sing "I love this town" Then let his arching wrecking ball proclaim: "I Hate Winnipeg" We should frame that picture! Oh, how's your eye, my little superstar? It's okay.
Oh, I'm going shopping later.
Do you want me to get anything for your victory party? Um, I'm good.
Do you have your evening figured out? Be out of your hair by 8:00.
Clara and I are gonna see both the Bridget Jones movies! Oh, Josh, did you see? Look, he's famous! Oh, my little jock.
Mom, I was a jock.
Sheldon's not a jock, he's a potato with runners.
Oh, don't be jealous.
I'm not jealous.
Give me a break.
I just can't believe you're letting him have a party here.
Josh, leave it.
I'm just saying, if you come back to a demolished house, don't blame me, 'cause I'm calling it right now.
Really? You had parties.
Nothing bad ever happened.
Oh-ho-ho yes, they did.
Shut up! You see that wall? When you and Dad went to Niagara Falls, we had to completely rebuild that wall in one night.
I knew that wall had moved! Sam thought I was crazy.
Walls don't move, but-- They do when you shoot a cannon at them.
It wasn't mine.
That's not the point, Mom.
This point is: shit happens.
Oh, maybe Josh is right, Sheldon.
Maybe we should have an adult here.
Someone like Josh.
Josh?! This is a guy who brought a cannon into the house.
He said it wasn't his.
Josh, would you mind? Can't, meaning "won't.
" Maybe I should just stay home.
No! Josh! Sheldon there's nothing you can say that's-- Ah! Say it! Say it! Ah! Say it! Mom! I'll do it! Oh, look Your beta-male is entering in the homoerotic embrace of his fellow phalluses.
He's not my beta-male anymore.
Hey, Sheldon Tina's waving at you.
So you and Tina, huh? Yeah, I guess.
We don't talk very much.
Cool.
No We've been hanging out for, like, 3 weeks, and all I know about her is her father's side of the family doesn't like dill potato chips.
Yeah, Ray's the same way.
Her dad, he can't eat corn chips.
And he hates Pakis.
Bet you your wrestler boy gets lucky at his party on Saturday.
What party? Oh, the wrestlers always have a party after their tournament.
This one's at his place.
I went to one once.
They're truly fucked up.
Do you wanna go? No.
Oh, come on.
Don't you wanna know what your ex's new girl is like.
I don't wanna be like that.
Lord, thank you for the food we are about to eat Is he praying with them? Amen! Amen! What the hell? Crap, uh I got extra chem.
Sorry, guys.
I gotta go.
See ya, buddy.
Jesus loves you, man! Still Jewish.
Hey! Hey! Have you heard the good news? Jesus loves you, man! Come on, Danny, they're nice guys.
Well, if they're so nice, why don't they invite me to their book-burnings? Look, there's a party at my house tomorrow night.
Why don't you come? I'm booked.
I'm staying at home to laugh about how stupid your wrestling party's gonna be.
See you around, Danny.
Uh, I don't know if you will, Cyclops.
Hey.
Hey Nice jeans.
Thanks.
Wait what did you mean by that? I meant those jeans look very nice on you.
Why wouldn't they? I don't know? I wear them for Shelly.
Do you mean Sheldon? No.
I mean Shelly.
And he loves these jeans.
That's good.
I don't need you to say "good.
" Fine.
I don't need you approval.
I don't need the bull crap.
This is bull crap! Ha ha! That was fantastic! Bull crap! What is he doing with her? Why don't we find out? Come on.
We've gotta go to that party! I don't know.
You don't want to go to Shelly's party? At Shelly's house? And see Shelly? Whatever will we wear? Okay, honey, I'm going.
Josh, I'm going now.
You love Sheldon more than me.
Oh, Josh, just come down and look at the party decorations.
You didn't even try to deny it.
Honey, I love you just as much as I love Sheldon.
When I had a party in high school, he never had to baby-sit.
Ugh Josh I'm leaving.
You might want to keep an eye on Josh.
He's being a little pissy.
I figured.
Thanks Mom.
Looks wonderful! Have a good time everyone! Thank you, Mrs.
Blecher.
Oh, you're welcome.
Mrs.
Blecher, I just want you to know that I think your son is a very interesting person.
Ah? Okay.
Uh, well, um Bye everyone! Have a good time.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, Mrs.
Blecher.
Is that a keg? Yeah, it is.
Oh Are you heading out now? Uh, yeah.
Have a nice night, Mrs.
Blecher.
Okay Yep.
How close are we, Vince? Three, two, one Time for beer #1! Why are the beer cups numbered.
We all drink together at the same pace, so we all get equally drunk.
Sheldon, they're about to start our shift at woo-duty.
Come on! What's woo-duty? Woo! You didn't woo.
Oh, I get it now.
Door opens, yell "woo," hand them the beers.
Woo-duty.
Yeah, got it.
Ahh! What was that? Woo! Good job! Thanks.
Beer #2! Brothers and sisters, move on to beer #2! No on left behind! Woo Hi.
Nice skirt.
Thank you.
This party is invitation only.
So invite us.
Woo! Thanks.
Thank you, Sheldon.
Woo! Okay, guys, you are relieved.
Number 3! Here's to 3! I wonder where the chips are.
Excuse us.
Help yourself.
Mm.
Delicious.
Hey Sheldon! Hey Katya.
I think Tina's a little upset that I let them in.
It is a bad idea.
What? Having your ex at a party.
I thought Miriam and I were cool.
I wasn't talking about Miriam.
What are you doing? I just cleaned that, idiot.
What the fuck? Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the fuck are you doing? I'm on keg duty.
Are you taking over? This is not a bar! This is an acting academy! My acting academy! That's going, right now.
Oh, my god.
What? Spread 'em! You've seen my show? Thunder Bay OPP? I fucking loved that show! I had mono in grade 8.
I've seen every episode.
Really? Yeah, you're You're Josh Blair! Is Tom Cruise at this party too? Hope not, bro.
I've heard some stuff.
Really? Hey, what beer are you on? I haven't had any beer yet.
No, no, no You sir, will not fall behind.
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! I would never party with these people.
You know what's really wrong with this party? What? No one's watching us.
Shake it harder, you sexy thing.
Let's make out.
What? Bathroom break.
Aww All right, people! Beer #4! Woo! No shit.
She won an Oscar, right? Two! So there she was, on the wardrobe truck, no top, titties just, like out there, you know? Shining, like apples.
No way.
What happened? Wardrobe guy booted me off the truck, but she totally wanted me, man.
Who wouldn't? I gotta go number one.
Guard that beer.
With my life, bro.
Yeah! Yee-haw! Howdy kids! I'm redneck Jesus! Say who's redneck Jesus gotta fuck to get a drink around here? What's that, Paul? All of 'em? Really? Well, then I think I'll start with you, young feller! Come on Saddle up.
You must die.
While you and that Katya are making asses out of yourselves.
Oh, please.
At least the girl I kissed has a brain, and an intellect, and a brain.
Oh, please, she's only here to torment her ex-boyfriend.
Boyfriend.
Frank.
Frank's her ex.
Didn't she tell you that? Of course she did.
Sorry, lovebirds, but I thought you might want to know that your weirdo friend Danny's getting crucified.
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't beat the shit out of you right now.
What? What? Is this what you're gonna do? Danny stop.
Take that! Hey, Frank, leave him alone.
This ends now.
We didn't do anything.
What? He punched himself in the face? Yeah Oh, God Come on, people.
This is a party.
Let's get back inside.
Who the fuck are you? Me? Who the fuck are you? What the hell is this? What? This! What are you talking about? You fucking know what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about this! Thanks a lot, little schoolgirl.
Oh, so is that what this is fucking about? What? Here's what.
I'm gonna go back into my house, to my party, with my friends.
Blow me.
Fuck you, Sheldon.
Way to keep it classy, guys.
Your dad would be ashamed of you.
Way to play the dead dad card, Goldstein.
Bro! I have to apologize.
This is a totally awesome party! What party are you at? This baby's still here.
I need a beer.
Oh, my god.
Your friend, Danny is such a genius.
Oh, my god, Ray.
Oh, my god, are you crazy, girl? You did you just kiss my boyfriend? Oops.
Get-- Go home.
Blecher? Blecher? Where's Blecher? There you are! Ahh! Where were you hiding? Downstairs.
There's some weird shit going on downstairs.
You're gonna be a good kisser someday.
What? Okay Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? There you are! Oh, oh there you go.
Oh, yeah.
There you go! There you go! There you go! Uh-oh! Huh? Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Oh, gotcha! Gotcha back! There you go! Oh, there you go! Oh, there it goes! There you go! V'na.
Aahhh! Oh, yeah Okey doke.
Yeah, good job.
It's my mom.
I should go call her back.
Okay I bet you're hungry after that.
I knew it.
Here.
I got you some chicken.
Eat that.
Thanks You are exactly one of a kind There ain't no other, all this time We're so completely intertwined In a perfect world as this You can wake up every day And make your wish And we'd dream up all the best stuff And we can make it happen We were made for each other When we sing along with all our favourite songs We can make 'em up 'Cause we were made for each other We're always Oh, oh We're always Oh, oh We're always Oh, oh We're always
Let's go fuck with boys.
Previously on Less than Kind Who are you supposed to be? Who do you want us to be? So, I guess she's not coming to VJ's with us tonight.
Well, she wasn't there last week, or the week before, or the week before, so I'm gonna go with "no.
" Welcome to the team.
Are you serious about this? What does it look like to you? Well, it looks like a wrestler skinned my friend Sheldon and is wearing him like a track suit.
Who are you again? Sheldon, I'm your girlfriend.
Blecher, you monster, you swept up! I fucking killed him! Yeah! Chugga-chugga-woo! Chugga-chugga-woo! What am I? The Victory Train! And who's my first class passenger? Sheldon! Grab on, Sheldon.
Chugga-chugga-woo! Chugga-chugga-woo! Chugga-chugga-woo! Chugga-chugga-woo! Chugga-chugga-woo! Now, what's our first stop? Church! Chugga-chugga woo.
.
I've got about 800 million thank-yous in my throat right now.
I've never won a tournament before.
Blecher, lead us in prayer.
Amen.
Um Guys, I'm still kind of a big Jew.
Jesus doesn't care.
Same God, different dress.
Take it, Sheldon.
Hang on, Lord, he'll be right there.
He's a busy man.
You gotta keep his attention.
Uh Lord, I wanna thank you for the brotherhood of this wrestling team.
Yeah! That's right! And, uh, for the guidance and wisdom of our coach.
I love you guys so fucking much.
Sorry about the "fuck," Lord.
Carry on.
Okay, um How do I-- How do I bring us home? You just thank Jesus, Sheldon.
Thank you Jesus Not bad, Sheldon.
See? Jesus is a pretty cool guy.
All right, guys.
Now let's get back in there because there's a medal waiting for this throat! Yeah! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Woo! Sheldon! Sheldon! Shel-- Guys Guys! Oh ah, ouch.
And up above us all Leaning into sky Our golden business boy Will watch the north end die And sing "I love this town" Then let his arching wrecking ball proclaim: "I Hate Winnipeg" We should frame that picture! Oh, how's your eye, my little superstar? It's okay.
Oh, I'm going shopping later.
Do you want me to get anything for your victory party? Um, I'm good.
Do you have your evening figured out? Be out of your hair by 8:00.
Clara and I are gonna see both the Bridget Jones movies! Oh, Josh, did you see? Look, he's famous! Oh, my little jock.
Mom, I was a jock.
Sheldon's not a jock, he's a potato with runners.
Oh, don't be jealous.
I'm not jealous.
Give me a break.
I just can't believe you're letting him have a party here.
Josh, leave it.
I'm just saying, if you come back to a demolished house, don't blame me, 'cause I'm calling it right now.
Really? You had parties.
Nothing bad ever happened.
Oh-ho-ho yes, they did.
Shut up! You see that wall? When you and Dad went to Niagara Falls, we had to completely rebuild that wall in one night.
I knew that wall had moved! Sam thought I was crazy.
Walls don't move, but-- They do when you shoot a cannon at them.
It wasn't mine.
That's not the point, Mom.
This point is: shit happens.
Oh, maybe Josh is right, Sheldon.
Maybe we should have an adult here.
Someone like Josh.
Josh?! This is a guy who brought a cannon into the house.
He said it wasn't his.
Josh, would you mind? Can't, meaning "won't.
" Maybe I should just stay home.
No! Josh! Sheldon there's nothing you can say that's-- Ah! Say it! Say it! Ah! Say it! Mom! I'll do it! Oh, look Your beta-male is entering in the homoerotic embrace of his fellow phalluses.
He's not my beta-male anymore.
Hey, Sheldon Tina's waving at you.
So you and Tina, huh? Yeah, I guess.
We don't talk very much.
Cool.
No We've been hanging out for, like, 3 weeks, and all I know about her is her father's side of the family doesn't like dill potato chips.
Yeah, Ray's the same way.
Her dad, he can't eat corn chips.
And he hates Pakis.
Bet you your wrestler boy gets lucky at his party on Saturday.
What party? Oh, the wrestlers always have a party after their tournament.
This one's at his place.
I went to one once.
They're truly fucked up.
Do you wanna go? No.
Oh, come on.
Don't you wanna know what your ex's new girl is like.
I don't wanna be like that.
Lord, thank you for the food we are about to eat Is he praying with them? Amen! Amen! What the hell? Crap, uh I got extra chem.
Sorry, guys.
I gotta go.
See ya, buddy.
Jesus loves you, man! Still Jewish.
Hey! Hey! Have you heard the good news? Jesus loves you, man! Come on, Danny, they're nice guys.
Well, if they're so nice, why don't they invite me to their book-burnings? Look, there's a party at my house tomorrow night.
Why don't you come? I'm booked.
I'm staying at home to laugh about how stupid your wrestling party's gonna be.
See you around, Danny.
Uh, I don't know if you will, Cyclops.
Hey.
Hey Nice jeans.
Thanks.
Wait what did you mean by that? I meant those jeans look very nice on you.
Why wouldn't they? I don't know? I wear them for Shelly.
Do you mean Sheldon? No.
I mean Shelly.
And he loves these jeans.
That's good.
I don't need you to say "good.
" Fine.
I don't need you approval.
I don't need the bull crap.
This is bull crap! Ha ha! That was fantastic! Bull crap! What is he doing with her? Why don't we find out? Come on.
We've gotta go to that party! I don't know.
You don't want to go to Shelly's party? At Shelly's house? And see Shelly? Whatever will we wear? Okay, honey, I'm going.
Josh, I'm going now.
You love Sheldon more than me.
Oh, Josh, just come down and look at the party decorations.
You didn't even try to deny it.
Honey, I love you just as much as I love Sheldon.
When I had a party in high school, he never had to baby-sit.
Ugh Josh I'm leaving.
You might want to keep an eye on Josh.
He's being a little pissy.
I figured.
Thanks Mom.
Looks wonderful! Have a good time everyone! Thank you, Mrs.
Blecher.
Oh, you're welcome.
Mrs.
Blecher, I just want you to know that I think your son is a very interesting person.
Ah? Okay.
Uh, well, um Bye everyone! Have a good time.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, Mrs.
Blecher.
Is that a keg? Yeah, it is.
Oh Are you heading out now? Uh, yeah.
Have a nice night, Mrs.
Blecher.
Okay Yep.
How close are we, Vince? Three, two, one Time for beer #1! Why are the beer cups numbered.
We all drink together at the same pace, so we all get equally drunk.
Sheldon, they're about to start our shift at woo-duty.
Come on! What's woo-duty? Woo! You didn't woo.
Oh, I get it now.
Door opens, yell "woo," hand them the beers.
Woo-duty.
Yeah, got it.
Ahh! What was that? Woo! Good job! Thanks.
Beer #2! Brothers and sisters, move on to beer #2! No on left behind! Woo Hi.
Nice skirt.
Thank you.
This party is invitation only.
So invite us.
Woo! Thanks.
Thank you, Sheldon.
Woo! Okay, guys, you are relieved.
Number 3! Here's to 3! I wonder where the chips are.
Excuse us.
Help yourself.
Mm.
Delicious.
Hey Sheldon! Hey Katya.
I think Tina's a little upset that I let them in.
It is a bad idea.
What? Having your ex at a party.
I thought Miriam and I were cool.
I wasn't talking about Miriam.
What are you doing? I just cleaned that, idiot.
What the fuck? Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the fuck are you doing? I'm on keg duty.
Are you taking over? This is not a bar! This is an acting academy! My acting academy! That's going, right now.
Oh, my god.
What? Spread 'em! You've seen my show? Thunder Bay OPP? I fucking loved that show! I had mono in grade 8.
I've seen every episode.
Really? Yeah, you're You're Josh Blair! Is Tom Cruise at this party too? Hope not, bro.
I've heard some stuff.
Really? Hey, what beer are you on? I haven't had any beer yet.
No, no, no You sir, will not fall behind.
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! I would never party with these people.
You know what's really wrong with this party? What? No one's watching us.
Shake it harder, you sexy thing.
Let's make out.
What? Bathroom break.
Aww All right, people! Beer #4! Woo! No shit.
She won an Oscar, right? Two! So there she was, on the wardrobe truck, no top, titties just, like out there, you know? Shining, like apples.
No way.
What happened? Wardrobe guy booted me off the truck, but she totally wanted me, man.
Who wouldn't? I gotta go number one.
Guard that beer.
With my life, bro.
Yeah! Yee-haw! Howdy kids! I'm redneck Jesus! Say who's redneck Jesus gotta fuck to get a drink around here? What's that, Paul? All of 'em? Really? Well, then I think I'll start with you, young feller! Come on Saddle up.
You must die.
While you and that Katya are making asses out of yourselves.
Oh, please.
At least the girl I kissed has a brain, and an intellect, and a brain.
Oh, please, she's only here to torment her ex-boyfriend.
Boyfriend.
Frank.
Frank's her ex.
Didn't she tell you that? Of course she did.
Sorry, lovebirds, but I thought you might want to know that your weirdo friend Danny's getting crucified.
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't beat the shit out of you right now.
What? What? Is this what you're gonna do? Danny stop.
Take that! Hey, Frank, leave him alone.
This ends now.
We didn't do anything.
What? He punched himself in the face? Yeah Oh, God Come on, people.
This is a party.
Let's get back inside.
Who the fuck are you? Me? Who the fuck are you? What the hell is this? What? This! What are you talking about? You fucking know what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about this! Thanks a lot, little schoolgirl.
Oh, so is that what this is fucking about? What? Here's what.
I'm gonna go back into my house, to my party, with my friends.
Blow me.
Fuck you, Sheldon.
Way to keep it classy, guys.
Your dad would be ashamed of you.
Way to play the dead dad card, Goldstein.
Bro! I have to apologize.
This is a totally awesome party! What party are you at? This baby's still here.
I need a beer.
Oh, my god.
Your friend, Danny is such a genius.
Oh, my god, Ray.
Oh, my god, are you crazy, girl? You did you just kiss my boyfriend? Oops.
Get-- Go home.
Blecher? Blecher? Where's Blecher? There you are! Ahh! Where were you hiding? Downstairs.
There's some weird shit going on downstairs.
You're gonna be a good kisser someday.
What? Okay Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? There you are! Oh, oh there you go.
Oh, yeah.
There you go! There you go! There you go! Uh-oh! Huh? Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Oh, gotcha! Gotcha back! There you go! Oh, there you go! Oh, there it goes! There you go! V'na.
Aahhh! Oh, yeah Okey doke.
Yeah, good job.
It's my mom.
I should go call her back.
Okay I bet you're hungry after that.
I knew it.
Here.
I got you some chicken.
Eat that.
Thanks You are exactly one of a kind There ain't no other, all this time We're so completely intertwined In a perfect world as this You can wake up every day And make your wish And we'd dream up all the best stuff And we can make it happen We were made for each other When we sing along with all our favourite songs We can make 'em up 'Cause we were made for each other We're always Oh, oh We're always Oh, oh We're always Oh, oh We're always