Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s03e10 Episode Script

Here you go.
What's this, now? You know a simple thank you works just as well.
Thank you.
What's this, now? It's results from that opinion poll I commissioned.
- Ooh! Good news? - Bad! When people were asked if city hall is in tune with the community, we got three.
- Percent? - People.
- From the whole town.
- How many did they survey? Six.
Well when you think about it, that's fifty percent.
That's not the point.
We need something to boost our image.
Maybe enter a city hall team in the Mercy charity fun run? - Anne, that's actually a great idea! - Don't thank me.
Thank the application form that came in today's mail.
- You threw it out? - Well, yeah.
Till I realized it can boost our presence in the community and make people think we actually care.
- We do actually care.
- Niiice.
So we need a two-person team, it's a 10k run and we've a week to train.
- Great! When do you want to start training? - Oh, did I say we should do the fun run? Because by "we" I meant you, and someone else who likes to run.
- Like who? - I just fished through the garbage for you.
I can't think of everything.
Episode 310: Baber is from Mars, Vegan is from Vegus Good news, Rayyan.
I just signed us up for a 10k fun run! And the good news is? I thought you loved to run.
Yeah! On the treadmill.
But outside, no way! Do you know how sweaty the hijab gets? Oh, come on, you haven't done anything since J.
J.
left That's what this is about.
You think I'm depressed.
No! Are you? No, there's nothing wrong with me and J.
J, we're just taking a little break.
Wedding is still on.
All the more reason to spend some quality mother-daughter time together before you get married.
Can't we just spend time together sitting? You know, when I heard about this race you were my only choice.
- If I can't run with you, what's the point? - So we're agreed then.
No race.
Quitters never win, Rayyan.
But if I'm not starting, how can I be quitting? - I give up.
- Now that's quitting.
Sugar cookies.
Fresh from the oven.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Layla! These are surprisingly very good! - Wait do I taste vanilla? - Maybe.
Vanilla extract is a tool of the devil! - It is non-Halal, and it contains - Alcohol? No, calcium.
Yes alcohol! What if I told you I made these out of alcohol-free vanilla extract? I would call you a fibber, you fibber.
- Why do you fib to me? - There's a new vegan store in town Ooh, vegan! I do not know what that is.
They're like vegetarians only more strict and humourless.
I like them already.
- Hi.
- Hello, darling.
Good news.
I just signed us up for a 10k fun run.
- What's the good news? - Yeah, yeah, very funny.
I just thought with all the work you're doing on Rayyan's house, it was a chance for us to spend some quality husband-wife time together.
Aw, really? Yes.
When I heard about this race you were my only choice.
If I can't run with you, what's the point? My lotus petal, I am deeply moved.
Just not moved enough to move.
Well, you've got something against running? For fun.
Running and fun go together like Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis.
- They were together for years.
- Ended bitterly, though.
Very sad.
- Hey there, "vanilla girl".
- You remember me? You know, just 'cause I'm a hippie burnout doesn't mean I can't remember my favourite customer.
You were in here for uh - Vanilla.
- Right! - That's why you called me "vanilla girl".
- I did? That's clever.
So you seem to be pretty into this whole vegan thing.
It's actually kinda my dad's deal.
He owns this place.
- Your dad's vegan too? - Yeah, and he's really preachy about it.
Likes to tell everyone else how to live their life.
I can't imagine what that must be like.
Anyway, it's not such a bad gig.
As long as you can get excited about selling organic Bulgar wheat.
- What's that? - It's on sale! - I'll show you.
- Cool! Yeah! I know, right? Anne, we need to talk.
Sarah, I know what you're going to say, you can't do the runs.
- Exactly.
- Without expensive new pinnies! - "Running for office," they're beautiful! - I know.
Hey, Sarah, I hear you're doing the fun run.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
Great.
Nice to have some fresh blood.
You know, the church team has won the last two years in a row.
- You mean the church/mosque team.
- Yeah, yeah, Amaar.
Let it go.
Well, this year city hall is going to give you a "run" for your money.
Well, I think your luck is about to "run" out.
You wanna "run" that by me again? He means we're gonna "run" faster than you in the race.
No, see, it only works if it's a play on words.
Anyway, let's just say back in school they called me - "Johnny Lightning".
- They did? Well, mostly 'cause they didn't know my name.
Plus I was struck by lightning.
Well, maybe we should make it interesting.
Well, I dunno.
It's not really about that.
Bawk! Bawk! - Anne, I don't think I can do this.
- Sarah, would you listen to yourself.
"I" don't think "I" can do this.
- There's no "I" in team.
- There's no "we" in team! - There's no team! - Bawk! Bawk! - Fine, let's make it interesting.
- All right.
Fifty-dollar pledge to the winning team.
Hey, let's be careful.
We don't want things to "run" amok.
- Oh, the "run" thing again.
- Yeah, we're not doing that anymore.
Mmm! This couscous is delicious! - What is your secret? - Organic Bulgar wheat.
Now where are those gelatin-free all natural Halal gummy bears? I wasn't sure whether you wanted the sour or fruity, so I didn't get too many.
I should go back tomorrow.
- I will come with you! - What? To help me carry gummies? Don't be silly.
I want to see what else this miracle store has.
Don't worry, I'll make a complete list - Layla.
- Yeah? Did you feed me non-Halal vanilla and gummies and print a phony flier for a non-existent shop for reasons that are not yet apparent to me at this point in time, hmm? - No.
- I didn't think so! I cannot wait to meet the shop's proprietor face-to-face.
- Here, let's dig into the gummies.
- I'm good.
- The God squad? - Yeah, it's a play on words.
You know, "Mod Squad", "God Squad".
And since we're - It was Magee's idea.
- That's not true.
Fatima, I need a large glass of water - and a piece of pie.
- Pie will not help you run.
- It can't hurt.
- Actually, I believe it can.
The "fun run".
Sarah tried to get me to join that poorly named march of the damned.
- You said no? - It's what I usually say when I disagree with something.
Simple, to the point.
Elegant in its way.
Huh.
Okay, I just thought it was important to her.
- Really? - Well, what did she say? Something about it being really important to her I have to go.
Here is your pie, "Johnny lightning".
He asked me to call him that.
Enjoy.
- Hey, nice pinny! - You being sarcastic? - No, seriously.
I like pinnies.
- Weird.
You know, you'd get one if you joined the race.
Mom asked me to, and I'm starting to think I should've said yes.
Been feeling a little guilty about it.
- You turned her down flat? - Yes.
Okay, more than a little guilty.
This would've been a good chance for some mother-daughter time.
Mm-hmm Really guilty.
- She reached out to her only daughter - Okay, I'm on it, I'm on it "Happy Unicorn Good Earth Foods".
Why is the unicorn so happy? Because we're vegans.
So you know, we don't eat them.
Who eats unicorns? Oh! Gelatin-free marshmallows, yum! - Hey, you.
- Hey.
Hey? Hey what? You two know each other? - We've talked a couple times.
- About what? Organic foods and its price and quantity? Among other things.
Now I see why you did not want me to come.
Huh! And now I remember why I didn't want you to come.
You threw yourself at this boy because of his flaxen hair and perfect teeth and good overall bone structure? Is there a problem, son? - Dad, don't do this.
- You go wait in the car.
You are banned from this store.
The "Happy Unicorn Sunshine Factory" is off limits.
It's "Happy Unicorn Good Earth Food".
Sunshine factory would be a bit much.
Whatever.
Go wait in the car.
Go! - Tree, can you give us a minute? - You named your son "Tree"? Yes.
It's a nickname.
His real name's Rivertree.
I don't know if I like where you're coming from.
This whole patriarchy trip you're laying down.
- It's a bummer, man.
- What bummer? I am the patriarch.
It is my duty to lay down the "trip".
Yeah, yeah.
I know, but we're not really into authority around here.
So if you're going to ban your daughter from the store for no reason, I'm banning you too.
Ah! But if you ban me, then are you not laying down the same trip that you are accusing me of laying down upon you.
Yeah.
Uh We're not really into rationally analyzing stuff around here either.
Fine then.
Give me six bags of gummy bears, and I am never coming back.
No, you're banned now.
Bummer.
C'mon, Maureen.
Run with me.
It'll be fun.
You know, when I heard about this race, you were my only Oh, forget it.
Bye.
Mom , look what I found! It's a sports hijab.
It breathes, it stays on tight and it's made from a space-age material that reduces drag.
Wow.
You don't see many Muslim women in wind tunnels.
- Do you know what this means? - Muslims can finally go to the moon? I can run with you now.
If you still want quality mom and daughter time.
Really? Of course I do.
That would be wonderful.
- Are you sure? - Absolutely.
Get a good night's sleep.
Because we're gonna start training tomorrow at 6 am.
Yes! Sarah, I've been a fool.
You offered me husband and wife time and I didn't listen.
- Oh, Yasir, it's okay.
I - It's not okay.
You said I was your one and only choice.
That there'd be no point in doing it without me.
- How can I possibly refuse? - Yasir, that's so sweet but I So get ready.
Because tomorrow morning at eight, - we start training.
- Oh, okay that's great.
- Where are you going? - To bed.
- It's 5:30 in the afternoon.
- Yeah.
Trust me.
That last hill was so intense.
- Mom? You okay? - Yeah.
I think so.
You were just going a little fast for me.
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
But you know what they say, - it's like "no pain no gain".
- Who needs gain? This is a fun run.
I'm winded, I'm sore, where's the fun? You are funny, mom.
I'm gonna hit the showers.
Sarah? Sarah? Are you ready to run like you've never run before? You know, Yasir.
You don't have to do this if you don't want to.
Nonsense, there is a day out there waiting to be seized.
- Let's seize it, Hamoudi style! - What does that mean? - It means we're going to run! - Hooray! - Are you crying? - No, my eyes are sweating.
- Sorry? - Nothing.
Come on, let's get those knees up.
Knees up! Knees up! Knees up! C'mon, Sarah! I made you cookies for lunch.
Really? You're not mad at me anymore? Of course not.
These are terrible! Oh, did I forget to mention that we're out of vanilla? How am I going to live without the "Happy Sunshine Unicorn Rainbow Store"? It's easy.
Tell them that I'm not banned and then you won't be.
- I will not stand down.
- Well, then I guess we're out of luck.
It could be worse.
What's for breakfast? - Nothing.
- Oh, no.
It is worse.
If I'm too young to decide who I can talk to, then I'm probably too young to cook.
- You were absolutely right, darling.
- Uh-huh.
It's a beautiful day, the air is crisp.
- I'm really feeling more alive, aren't you? - Uh-huh.
And thanks a lot for taking it easy on me, coz I haven't run in a while, and I'm sure you have.
- More recently than you know.
- Hello, lads.
What do you say, darling, should we kick it up a notch? Oh, do we have to? They're taking it up a notch.
I hope you're ready to dig deep.
You know, when you think about it, that expression doesn't make any sense.
Dig deep for what? If you don't understand, you'll never be a runner.
And if you just read our literature, you'll see that the whole world should be vegan.
And if you read my literature, you will see the special of the day.
Ah, a traditional non-vegan menu.
Or as I like to call it, a catalogue of sadness.
I have vegetarian lasagna.
- Oh! With tofu? - Yes.
- Free range tofu? - I don't know what that means.
Oh, burgers.
You can practically smell the murder.
I've gotta split.
I have no time for flower children.
- Especially when they're sixty.
- I know.
That's why I do not go to his store.
- Plus he banned me.
- He has some nerve.
Thinks he has a right to tell me how to raise my daughter! What right does he have? His infidel son engages Layla in idle chit chat.
So I banned her from ever going there again, and bammo, he bans me! No, no.
Do not accuse me of laying down a trip.
That's how they talk over there.
Layla is a good girl.
You should trust her.
- No! Trust only leads to - More trust? You see! It is a vicious circle! You look exhausted.
Is it that much trouble keeping up with Yasir? Oh, well, it is.
When you've already run six miles with Rayyan.
That's quite a warm-up.
Amaar, I did something really stupid.
I made Yasir and Rayyan each think that they were my only choice for running partner, - and now I'm secretly running with both.
- Wow You know the race is only for pairs, right? Yes.
So when one of them finds out they can't run in the race with you, they'll their feelings will get hurt.
Yeah, you see, you're telling me stuff I already know.
I need to know the stuff I don't know.
I'm sorry.
What should I do? Well, I think you gotta come clean before they figure it out for themselves.
You're right.
They both live in the same house.
They talk all the time.
I've gotta go.
Oh yeah.
Just gimme another second.
Okay? I don't know what to do, Fatima.
I'm so mad at my dad right now.
He is paranoid.
If he saw you with a mailbox, he would think you had a crush on the mailbox.
Yeah what if I did have a crush on the mailbox? Oh.
I see.
We are not talking about a mailbox, are we? - No, we're not.
- Listen to me.
You are young.
It is probably just a passing fancy that will fade.
- You think so? - Either that, or it is a moral collapse that could lead you to turn your back on your family or Allah or worse.
What can be worse than that? I might have to tell your father he was right.
Mother, so good of you to join us.
Wow! You made dinner.
What a nice surprise.
Yes, some surprises are nice.
- What's wrong, mom? Are you tired? - A little.
- Well, this looks delicious.
- It tastes like ashes in my mouth.
- Is something wrong? - Many things are wrong.
The rising oceans.
The price of oil.
The unsettling political unease in Southern Asia.
- Okay.
I-I think I know - But Perhaps the wrong-iest is this! - Oh, I can explain.
- Explain what? How you've been running with both of us behind our backs? Yeah, whispering the same, sweet, "Oh-I-only-want-run-with-you" nothings in our ear? Yeah.
You've been whispering the same, "Oh-I-only-wanna-run-with-you" - Hey! I did that one.
- I know, but I thought it was good.
You don't understand.
I never meant for this to happen.
- I was just going to tell you - You don't need worry about it, mom, because from now on you can "run" for office alone.
- Baber - Salam alaikum.
- You were right.
- I was? - You should be more protective.
- Oh! Yes.
Thank you! Layla might be at an age where you should guard her more closely.
I am so glad that you finally - Wait, I know what you are doing.
- I highly doubt it.
- You are using reverse psychology.
- Am I? You tell me not to do something that you want me to do, so that when I do it, I think it is my idea and not a reaction to your negative nay-saying.
Very crafty.
- No, that is not what I am doing.
- Okay, fine, brow-beater! You win.
I am being pig-headed.
I will let Layla go back to that store.
- Happy? - No! That means yes! What do you mean she tricked you? Into running with her.
And that's bad because.
.
? You don't understand.
- She was spending time with both of us.
- That monster.
- You so don't get it.
- Wait a second Didn't you both shoot her down when she asked you the first time? - Well maybe.
- Details are sketchy.
Why did you change your mind? Perhaps we felt a little uh - What's the word? - Guilty? Yeah, I was afraid that might be the word.
Well, as far I can tell, you two have an airtight case.
I totally understand why you're mad at her.
- I hate him a little bit.
- Me too.
- Really, dad? You're sure? - Yes.
Now, make sure you get a wide distribution of gummy bear colours.
- They all taste the same.
- Let's not re-open that debate.
- I will wait here.
I trust you.
- Thanks.
- Hey! Layla, right? - You remembered me again.
How could I forget you? You remind me of that Clapton song.
- "Layla".
- Hey, yeah! That one too.
Uh listen, I play guitar in a band, and we're jamming at the "Barn Door" on Wednesday night.
- Do you wanna come? - I'd love to, but I can't.
I have Halaqa Wednesday.
- What's that? - Religious school, at the mosque.
- You're not into that, are you? - Uh, kind of.
Oh, man.
Organized religion is such a crock.
It's not a crock.
It's actually pretty important to me.
C'mon, it's all rules and repression.
And rules.
- Who needs that? - Well, what do you believe in? Well, as the great John Lennon once said, - "I just believe in me.
" - That sounds really limiting.
- What's that? - The sound of my dad trusting me.
What a freak.
Don't you just hate it when somebody doesn't get you? Yeah, I do.
Bye.
Oh, no.
What have I done now? Nothing, this time, dinner really is for you! - We're sorry.
- No, I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you.
I was just so happy you both wanted to spend quality time together, I didn't want to say.
Oh.
We don't care which one of us you want to run with, because we know that we'll both always be first in your heart.
Yeah, we know we'll both always be first in your heart.
Hey, that's mine.
What, you can steal from me, but I can't steal from you? - Mm-hmm! - Oh! Come here.
We're starting out here.
The race will begin momentarily - You're going down, reverend.
- We'll see about that.
Remember, this is for a good cause.
Let's not get competitive.
Don't you worry.
- Did you just pray to beat them? - Of course not.
I'm a man of God.
I prayed to win.
Beating them would just be a bonus.
- Are you ready? - Ready.
- You ready, darling? - I'm ready! - I just wish you were running with me.
- Yes, so do I.
Well, the important thing to remember is that we're a team.
And that I shouldn't take the stairs too quickly Yeah, yeah, hugs and learning.
Go on and win, you two.
Set go! Owww! Cramp! Oh! Lightning down! Lightning down! I told you not to eat any pie before the race! I gotta go.