Mozart in the Jungle (2014) s03e10 Episode Script

1 (FIESTA MUSIC PLAYS) You know, they say that classical music is for squares.
But us, classical musicians, we know how to party! And when we party, we party with Delgado's Super Super Super salsa! In fact, my whole family loves it! Oh, Rodrigo, you always keep the beat.
It's the salsa, mi amor.
Kids! What have you got there? (SPEAKING SPANISH) It's a Super Super Super Hard Taco! - It's authentico.
- And delicious.
Mmm.
Super super super super super super tacos! Oh, man.
(GROANS) What did I do? Rodrigo, we are so proud of you.
What did I do? Yes we are, Maestro.
I didn't know your hips could move like that.
What changed your mind? Well I was thinking of Venice.
And how La Fiamma, you know? She could give up anything to do a concert.
So I thought I could give a little bit of self-respect.
Whatever's left, this This chimichanga.
Oh, Maestro.
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry that I threw all those things at you.
Don't worry, Gloria.
It's fine, that was the fun part.
And you'll be happy to know that the first check was deposited today.
- Yes.
- The first check? Yes, into the newly opened Maestro Juan Rivera youth orchestra account number 58732011658.
Virgilio! I love you! Oh, I love you too.
Don't tell Christophe.
How many commercials do we have left to do? Only nine.
- Let me do eight.
- Uh - Um - Just do eight.
Rodrigo, you'll survive it.
You'll survive it.
We'll survive it.
We'll survive it together.
Oh, Craig, get that thing.
Oh, right.
We have a little, little gift for you.
A little gift.
Okay, but its So this is from us - Thank you so much, guys.
- To you.
Hey, that's very nice.
Okay.
Ah, it's fucking red tape! - (LAUGHING) - Yay! It's the fucking red tape! - Yes.
- Thank you.
I've got my own now.
You so suck, Rutledge! You're never gonna get the chair.
Oboists from all over the world are coming to compete with you.
Your reed-making, it sucks! And you go cross-eyed when you play.
Your neck puffs out like a dinosaur from Jurassic Park.
The one that spits acid all over the place.
Hailey, you know what? I gotta take a break.
I gotta stop, this is too fucking weird.
But really good job not breaking your concentration.
I really that's impressive.
Hey, before I go, this is your money.
It's your share from the gate from the other night.
Oh, awesome.
It's $11.
13.
I mean, I'm sorry it's not more.
I will frame it.
I really hope I get this job.
It's weird that they're even making you audition.
I mean, you know them.
No, that's exactly why it's not weird.
Everybody has to audition behind a screen so that there's no favoritism.
Seems like bullshit.
If I were you I would just go in there and go, (COUGHS) It's Hailey.
You know, if you ever need to you can move back in with me rent free.
What about B? We're taking a break.
He's got issues.
I've got issues.
It's cool, you know.
Fuck it.
- Fuck it.
- Sorry, Lizzie.
No, really, enough with this rank self-pity shit.
I mean, I was about to get a tattoo of his ass on my ass.
So really, I dodged a bullet there.
You gotta shed your skin, you know? Yeah.
I notice that you're not dressing like Kápralová anymore.
Nope.
Yeah, I kept on being mistaken for a waitress.
But I'm a club owner, I'm like Rick from Casablanca.
I'm like I'm like Jabba the Hutt.
Hey.
Hey.
You're Hailey Rutledge, right? Yeah.
- Have we met? - No.
But I saw you play with the orchestra, you were great.
Thanks.
Arlen Lee.
I've been subbing over at the Chicago Philharmonic.
Probably stupid for me to fly out here for this, but I figured it's a good experience, so Why is it stupid? Well, because you fucking destroy.
Are you trying to psych me out? (CHUCKLES) No, I'm more like psyching myself out.
Is that a Loree Royal? Yeah.
Meet Oboe Wan Kenobi.
Yeah, it's early for that shit.
Sorry.
Oboe.
(OBOE PLAYING) That wasn't her.
I don't think so.
Number 17? That's me.
- Break a leg.
- Thanks, you too.
(CHATTERING) Hey, hey.
Hey! (CLEARS THROAT) Hi.
You came.
Well, it's been a long time since I had a late night text from Constanze.
Um, could I have a sparkling water with lemon? Still not drinking? No.
You? You off the pills? They don't seem to work so well anymore.
Nothing really works.
So I'm going to get an operation.
Good.
That is great news.
You know, they can do marvels nowadays.
Let's hope.
Yeah.
So, um, you and Gloria.
Is it serious? Well, let's hope it's not terminal.
(LAUGHS) You have a unique way of bridging the player-management divide.
Here you go, sir.
I have a question.
How good could I have been? If I'd gone a different route? If I'd tried to be a soloist, instead of an orchestra member.
Well, tried wouldn't have come into it.
You could have had a wonderful career.
How good? How good could I have been? Well, not Yo-Yo Ma good.
But I'd say Andrew Walsh good.
Yes.
Definitely.
You could have been the female Andrew Walsh If you'd kept your head down and just gone for it.
Honestly, I don't know why you didn't.
I mean, I could never understand.
You know the moment I first heard you, what was it, 20 years ago in Birmingham, I THOUGHT: fuck me, this girl is good.
With your looks, you could have had a recording contract any day of the week.
I just, I liked being part of an orchestra.
Yeah.
I have regrets.
But I don't regret it, not really.
Mm-hmm.
You and I? How good could we have been? (CHUCKLES) You and I? I mean, honestly, we were (SIGHS) a wee bit of a disaster, weren't we? Our timing was remarkably shitty.
- But - Yeah.
There was one area where we were we were always in sync.
Yes.
Yeah.
Do you think about us sometimes? When is your surgery? In two days.
I hope it goes beautifully.
Ah, you still awake? Yep.
You're back.
I was a little concerned that you disappeared.
No, I just had a drink with Cynthia.
You know she's having surgery in the next few days? So I think she just wanted bucking up.
Oh, you were with Cynthia so I needn't have worried? Oh, no, that symphony is over.
I'm onto a new one now.
All right.
Plus, you're fucking incredible in the sack.
Absolutely stellar.
Well, I'm delighted.
I didn't know I was being rated.
But thank you very much.
I try.
You're good, too.
That means a lot, coming from you.
I'm sorry I was such a bastard when I met your parents.
It just reminded me of where I grew up.
We used to take the piss out of each other constantly.
We were monstrous to each other.
I think that's the way we showed affection.
Well, that, I understand.
Look, Thomas.
I've been married four times.
I don't want to get married again, but I also I I don't want to get my heart broken.
I can work within those parameters.
And as for breaking your heart, if I let you down, I'm letting myself down.
Thomas I'd like to do something for you now.
Do you want to go upstairs? Or stay right here.
I could do it right here.
Do you want me to just stand here? If you want.
But but close your eyes.
Okay.
Hmm.
Hmm.
After you who Could supply my sky of blue After you who Could I love After you Why (CHUCKLES) Should I take the time to try For who else could qualify After you who'll Hold my hand And swear you'll Never cease to care For without you there What would I do I could search years For someone to change my tears Into laughter After You Oh, bloody fucking hell.
Let's go to bed.
Hmm.
Thanks so much for picking me up.
Thank you for asking.
Here's our Uber, I think.
Cynthia? Bob? I'm here to pick up a Kevin? That would be me.
You guys know each other? Yeah, Bob's a member of my orchestra.
And, apparently still driving for Uber.
I find it relaxes me.
Uh, so, Cynthia Did you? I did.
All right.
So, how'd it go? I'll know more in a couple of weeks.
All right.
It's going to be okay.
- It has to be.
- Yes, it does.
Oh, step into my chariot.
I'll take it from here, sir.
Thank you.
- Here you go.
- Thank you, sir.
I'm sorry, excuse me, but do I know you from somewhere? Um Yeah, I used to play basketball.
Oh, cool.
Me, too.
Hai Lai.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I hope you don't mind me just showing up like this.
I'm used to it.
So we finished our last day of auditions today.
Okay.
Anyone good? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Really good.
But no-one was as good today as you were yesterday.
Okay, and how about yesterday? - How did I do? - Really good.
Yeah, you know.
You know you did good.
You know, you were really good.
I was so proud of you.
You played with blood.
It was incredible.
Thanks.
But? Well, there's was this guy, you know, who plays really well.
A little better.
He, like, played with more blood? Just, like, blood everywhere? Bleeds all over the place? No, no, it's just the committee, you know? Yeah, since when do you listen to a fucking committee? Right, I know.
You thought that he played better.
No, no, no, no.
I was outvoted.
You should have seen it.
I was I always know it's you.
You played from behind the screen, I could notice it was you like a bat in a dark cave.
- And I always love it when you play.
- Who was it? - Because it's always the best for me.
- Who was it? Who was what? Who got it? The, oh, it's this guy from I think he's subbing in in Chicago.
Oh.
Arlen.
Yep.
Arlen's his name.
Yeah.
What a name, right? For an oboist, I mean, that's a crazy name.
Okay, well, um, I guess that's that then.
Fuck it.
Thank you for telling me in person.
Hai Lai, you can always sub in.
Why don't you try subbing in? Mother Ai.
Man - Hey.
- What? Hey, I'm sorry! - I'm sorry! - No, sorry, me.
I'm sorry, Hai Lai.
I'm very sorry.
Wait, where are you? Here, I'm here.
Ah, yeah, I'm the one that's sorry, Hai Lai.
This is such bullshit.
You know this whole process of the auditions and stuff for you? I mean, if there's anyone who deserves the job, it's you.
- If you actually want it - If I want it? I have fucking college loans to pay off.
I need health insurance.
My reputation is completely, completely fucked since Walsh fired me.
No, no, you quit.
- No, I didn't quit! - You quit.
No, I can't quit, because I'm not some magical musical superstar shaman! I'm like a fucking I'm an oboist, okay? I'm a fucking oboist.
So how did it go? Your whole conducting debut? It went well.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I'm sorry I didn't invite you.
That's okay, I'm not offended.
Yes, you are.
A little bit, yeah, maybe.
Yes.
Ah, let's solve this.
Come on, let's go Do you want to go for a walk? Um - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Come.
You should lock up your bike.
I understand, I mean, you wanted to You wanted to make it your own thing.
You know, you wanted it to be your thing.
Hey, Thomas didn't invite you either.
Yeah, why is that? Because you're a strong toke.
- A toke? - Yeah.
- Toke? - Yeah, like a toke.
I'm, I'm not a I'm the mellow of toke.
No, you're like the strongest toke.
I'm such an easy-going toke.
I hate to break it to you.
You're the strongest toke.
Play with the blood.
Play with the blood.
(LAUGHS) - I don't say it like that.
- Where did you get that from? - The blood? - Yeah.
What does that mean? It's, it's very specific.
You know Is that a Maestro Rivera thing? No, it's my thing.
It's my thing.
I used to practice so much in the violin, you know, so much, so much that I got blisters on my fingers, and then, you know? - Oh.
- The blood will come out.
And play with the blood.
But now it's a metaphor, okay? Whenever I tell you to play with the blood Thank you for clarifying.
- Never try to open - Aw fuck! What, what? I fucking blew it, I fucking blew the audition.
No, you were great, Hailey.
Yeah, but he was fucking better than me.
I fucking suck.
- You fucking suck? - You're the best or you fucking suck.
Whoa, Hailey, no, wait, no.
Don't say those things, okay? I mean, look, I'm not even good sometimes, you know? When I'm performing a German, you know, like Beethoven or Haydn, you know, I just feel the presence of Von Karajan going like (MOANS) you know? Or when I'm doing Copland or Messiaen? You know, I always feel the presence of Lenny.
Like, just, smelling really bad.
And he used to smile a lot, but he doesn't smile.
You know? When I'm doing that.
Or Bach.
Why don't I program Bach? Tell me.
Go ahead.
Why? I don't know.
Because he hates that I play him.
- (LAUGHS) - He told me that, yeah.
He told me that I misinterpret everything that he wrote.
- He told you that.
- He told me that! He has no feelings but apparently he says that to everyone, but When did these great composers start appearing to you? When I was little I've never said this before but, uh, Beethoven first came up as an elephant.
A little elephant.
Hai Lai, I want to offer you a job.
You need an assistant? No.
No, no, I don't need an assistant.
It's not an assistant I need, no.
- No, no, no.
- You need an assistant.
I think you actually need an assistant more than anybody in the world needs an assistant.
I'm so super organized right now.
- Really? - You have no idea, yes.
I don't need an assistant anymore.
- Ask me the date.
- What's the date? - Wednesday.
- That's not a date.
It's what, uh it's what you need to Anyway, Hailey, no, listen, listen.
You have to help me with the Youth Orchestra.
You know, to organize the kid's lessons, you know, to get the kids.
You have the kids touch.
And it's very important for me to get someone Rodrigo, no.
- I can trust.
- I'm honored, thank you.
But no.
No.
What? Why no? Because I need to get out of your orbit.
- Professionally.
- Orbit.
Don't, okay, this is not like a gravitational astronomical thing.
All right? I'm talking about the kids.
Hai Lai, you need a job.
You need a job.
Come on.
I'm offering you No, thank you.
Hai Lai Okay, we're being very good at this, you know? I don't need to be romantically holding it, holding it.
I never hold it, so - I think it's a good idea.
- Yeah.
Just stop, stop thinking.
Okay, yeah.
Part of you thinks it's a good idea? (GIGGLES) What did you say? Let's just get it over with.
Where, here? Honey, I would say your place, but you don't have a place.
Because you're so disorganized.
(DOORBELL RINGS) Hi, is she up yet? She's not answering her phone.
I haven't seen her this morning.
We have a 9 AM appointment to get a pedicure.
I'll do it for you for half of whatever they're charging.
Oh, Hai Lai.
- Hi.
- Holy shit.
Lizzie.
And Shawn, no, the viola player, right? Yeah, hello, Maestro.
I'm in the mood for a bathroom.
Did you and Hailey sleep together last night? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we did.
We did, Lizzie, yeah.
But you know, we spent more time awake.
We did more things when we were awake.
It's more fun.
Oh, I just want to, um, tell you what a huge fan I am.
Thanks, Shawn.
Yeah.
Ah! Hi.
Oh my God.
Okay, that's great, okay? Did you get it out of your system? - Is it out of your system? - (LAUGHING) What, are you guys like dating now? I mean, what the fuck is going on here? Okay, I just woke up.
I don't know, we're just playing it by ear.
Well, was it good? Like, 1 to 10, was it good? It's like a like a 9.
86.
Fuck.
That's good.
We'll call that a 10.
You have really good ears.
Lizzie, it's me.
I've been told that since I've been a little kid.
You know, that's why I do what I do, you know? And talking about that, I have to go to the auditions right now.
- Okay? - I know.
So, that's it, I'm gone.
Ciao.
Holy shit.
(GIGGLES) Ciao.
- Ciao, Lizzie.
- Ciao.
- Ciao, ciao.
- Bye.
(CHATTERING, GIGGLING) (HEAVY BREATHING) (LAUGHS) (MOANING) (GIGGLES) Hey, Warren Boyd.
Welcome.
Welcome to our Youth Orchestra, welcome! It's an honor to have you.
So, uh, basically there's a place for everybody.
Yes.
Next.
- I started playing harpsichord at seven.
- Ah! Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize that anyone was there.
The story of my life.
You know, at first I was the star, not my brother.
Oh, okay.
He used to stare at me when I played.
He idolized me.
His big sister.
I was the prodigy.
And then my father turned his attentions to Wolfgang.
Ah, Wolfgang.
And when I reached a marriageable age, that was it.
My brilliant career was poof.
You have a really nice costume.
I hope you have a nice day.
Don't be insipid, Hailey.
Have we met before? I'm Maria Anna.
But my friends call me Nannerl.
Nannerl, like like Mozart's sister? How many Nannerls are there out there? Listen, Fraulein Rutledge, it's time to get your schiesse together.
Don't make the same mistake I did.
What was that? I gave up.
Heh.