Run the Burbs (2022) s03e10 Episode Script

1
- ANDREW: Ahoy-hoy!
- Oh, crap.
Was tonight "Shiver Me
Timbers" roleplay night?
- ANDREW: Mm-hmm.
- CAMILLE: Yeah. I was working.
I totally forgot. Rain check?
But what about my pirate's booty?
(YAWNING) I'm sorry.
Yarr.
(JINGLING)
(SIGHING)
- Babe?
- We're late!
Oh!
I lost track of time at work.
Took a side exit and pissed
off a gang of sleeping pigeons.
They retaliated.
- I got to hose this off.
- Mm.
Ooh. You want to join me?
- Not at all.
- Yeah. Good call.
(BOTH SIGHING)
I hate that we've been
too busy to connect lately.
I know. I miss us.
Hey, what's your percentage
for sexy times right now?
Thirty percent. You?
(SIGHING) Forty to 50 percent area.
Maybe if I put on some Usher?
Ooh. "Nice and Slow"
could get me to 55 percent.
Honestly, babe, I'm just too wiped
from work to have sex right now.
Same, but we need some Randy
Andy and Bam-Bam cam time.
Tomorrow, date day?
Yes. Tomorrow.
No excuses, no distractions,
no work. (LAUGHING)
- ANDREW: Except I got to turn
- CAMILLE: Just a tiny thing.
- One thing in. Yeah.
- Okay. So, morning, we work.
- Uh-huh.
- The rest of the day,
it's just you and me.
Mm. Me and you.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
(CAMILLE SIGHING)
CAMILLE: Mm.
ANDREW: Yarr. Tis a hearty sleep.
We don't know who
invited you to the party ♪
We don't know who
invited you to the party ♪
Oh, good. Leo made it to Moby's okay.
- Mm.
- How's your work coming along?
Breezing through. The
final edit of my cookbook
is almost good to send to the publisher.
Lucky. My summer camp expansion
keeps getting tangled up in red tape.
Mm. Well, maybe I'm extra motivated
because we have the promise
of sexy time in our future.
Oh. Babe, we got a full day of
adult-friendly foreplay before then.
A nature hike, breezy lunch,
romantic dinner.
One more hour of work first?
Yes, please.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(DOORBELL RINGING TWICE)
Uh, it's Lisa.
Lisa from neighbourhood watch
or Lisa who borrowed our drill?
Hudson's ex-wife, my
former best friend, Lisa!
Lisa who broke Hudson's
heart, then moved to France
with her yoga instructor Claude, Lisa?
Oh, my God! Do we hide?
- Did you make eye contact?
- Uh-huh!
(GROANING) Then I guess we're doing it?
(LAUGHING UNCOMFORTABLY)
(SIGHING)
- Lisa!
- Andrew, hi!
- Mwah!
- Oh.
- Mwah! (CHUCKLING)
- Oh.
Lisa! Hi.
Cami! Ah!
Mwah! Mwah!
- Mwah.
- It has been too long.
Yeah. Haven't seen you
in, like, what? Four years.
Really? Time flies, huh?
Anyway, I'm in town,
visiting Mannix for a change,
staying with my folks,
and I, uh, wanted to pop by,
find out les ragots du quartier.
That means local gossip en français.
- How are you two?
- Uh, pretty good!
I got a new leaf blower. How are you?
Good. Good. Très good.
Well, not really.
I had to end things with Claude.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Lisa, I'm so sorry.
Yeah. I was hoping to catch
up. You free for a coffee?
Um, actually, we have
a date day planned.
A date day?
Aw. That's cute.
You better hold on to those.
Every day used to be
a date day with Claude,
until les arguments.
That means argument.
- You get it.
- I figured it out.
Have fun, and, um, let
me know about that coffee?
Mm! Okay.
(MAKING KISSING SOUNDS)
(ANDREW CLEARING THROAT QUIETLY)
(DOOR OPENING, CLOSING)
Hurricane Lisa's back in
town, and she didn't even take
- her shoes off.
- She has no idea
how we took care of Hudson's
broken heart when she left.
I made him so much comfort food.
It is a whole chapter in my cookbook.
And I let him snuggle my
1996 bred 11s while he cried.
I don't even let myself do that!
What if Hudson backslides
knowing Lisa's single again?
He has a pattern of taking her back!
(SIGHING) First love, it hits different.
Okay. You check on Hudson.
Me, I'll have coffee
with Lisa, get some intel.
Then we regroup for our
date day and romantic hike.
BOTH: Mm!
Très bien, bitches.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
No, we don't do unlimited refills,
but if you buy another
drink, then I won't charge you
for sticking your gum under the seat.
Oh, yeah, dude. I saw that.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY OVER SPEAKER)
Impressive. Get them to buy
more by tapping into their guilt.
Here.
- What's this?
- Keys to the kingdom for Bubble Bae.
I'm promoting you. Congrats.
Awesome. I'm assistant manager.
More like shift manager,
but you get all the tapioca
pearls from the machine
- at the end of the night.
- Why now?
- What's the catch?
- No catch.
Ellis just wants to
spend more time together.
- Aw.
- So I am trusting you
to watch the cafe when I'm not here,
keep customers in line,
like gum guy over there.
Okay. I was thinking that
we do a themed drink day.
- How about if we
- No need.
Open the cafe, close the cafe,
clean the cafe.
You know what they
say. If it ain't broke,
it's making money.
Got to go. Lunch with
Ellis. Back in an hour.
Okay. Bye.
Hey, dawg! You called?
Need a pimple popped again?
Because you enjoy that way more than me,
but I'm happy to help my dawg.
Actually, I just called you over
to show you the new kicks I got.
- Ooh!
- They're for you.
Dawg, really?
Yeah. Just a little some'm-some'm.
Thank you.
Oh, hey, we, uh, saw
Lisa's back in town.
Yeah. I I meant to mention it.
Mm. So, how do you feel
about seeing her again?
To be honest, a lot of
things came rushing back,
like the last time we
fought and I ended up here.
(MAKING HIGH-PITCHED SOUND)
- Lisa?
- Lisa.
Lisa.
- Lisa?
- Lisa.
Lisa! (SOBBING)
(LAUGHING) No. It's different this time.
The work I've been doing to move
on with my life has been good.
Oh, man, I'm I'm relieved.
I was kind of worried
you'd feel something
after hearing Lisa broke up with Claude.
- Wait. What?
- Whoa!
I thought you knew!
No! But
So she (CLEARING THROAT)
She's just she's single now?
Happy place!
Let the shoes comfort you!
(LAUGHING) I'm good.
I'm good, dawg!
You know what I just remembered?
I got to go, because
I left the
Ice cooker on!
ANDREW: (SHOUTING) What
the hell is an ice cooker?
Buddy?
Oh, no.
So, uh, didn't know if
you still like black coffee
or, um, some fancy French
style, so I got all the coffees.
- Oh, you're the best.
- (CAMILLA CHUCKLING)
And I still can't drink iced
mochas since our last road trip.
No bathroom.
The thing with the
bushes and poison Ivy.
We were driving to
Pennsylvania to go to that
Monster outlet mall.
Yeah, and you called
me leaks-a for months.
Yeah. Feels like, um, a century ago.
Also, Mannix told me
about your new cookbook.
Hello! It's amazing. Congrats.
Ah, I miss your cooking.
- Do you?
- Yes.
Ooh. Remember our weekly paneer
bites with a bottle of wine?
- Yeah. (LAUGHING)
- Oh.
Anyway, Cami, everyone just
seems really happy here
You, the kids,
Andrew, Hudson,
who's looking great, by the way.
Hello, hello, Lisa, Camille.
- Tell Drewbie I say howdy.
- Oh, I absolutely will not.
Okay. Well, obligatory small talk done.
Lisa, I have the
perfect listing for you.
- Do you want to book a showing?
- Ooh, of course.
- I'll call you, Orelei.
- ORELEI: Call soon, okay?
Because it's going faster
than me in a school zone.
(LAUGHING) Beep, beep!
Out of my way, kids!
You're meeting with a Realtor?
Okay, fine. I'm not here just visiting.
I am seriously considering
moving back to Rockridge.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah. I don't know.
I figure Paris is kind of over for me,
and if I move back, I
can actually spend time
with Mannix and my folks
and everyone I missed.
Everyone you've missed.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Noted.
- She's moving back?
- Yeah.
Hudson's in danger, girl!
But Lisa can't just abandon someone
and then pick right back up
where she left off, right?
H-dawg didn't know Lisa
broke up with Claude.
He ran out all frazzled.
Oh, my God! They're just
so bad for each other!
- Machu Picchu.
- Oh.
Instead of going on that
Disney cruise he wanted
for his birthday, she
booked that four-day hike.
Yeah, and then bailed last
minute for a wellness retreat
because she needed what?
(MOCKING) Self-care.
And he still went and got shin splints.
And she never said peep
to me about Claude, okay?
Her supposed bestie!
Look! Lisa!
Babe, let's go!
(LISA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
You know, I'm just trying
to upgrade the wardrobe.
That's Lisa's signature
"making a move" move.
And Hudson's touching his ear.
That's his signature
"making a move" move.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
We look super hot in athleisure?
Oh, yeah. I'm at about
a 70 percent right now.
- Oh.
- But love and work
are going to have to wait.
See you. Bye.
(CAR ENGINE STARTING)
- Hey, Hudson!
- HUDSON: Hey.
- How's Lisa?
- Oh, she's good!
Noticed the, uh, flirt
vibes were pretty strong.
Oh, we were just talking about Mannix.
Mm. Might I remind you,
you begged me to never
let you get back with her.
It's not like that,
and don't you guys have,
like, a date day to get to?
And check out your fly outfits!
- CAMILLE: Oh, yeah, of course.
- HUDSON: So cool!
CAMILLE: Oh, yeah.
We'll just, uh, head out, then, huh?
- Yeah. Alright. See you.
- Hey, you know, oh,
I just remembered I have
some leftover catering food.
Shall I drop that by tonight?
- Uh, tonight tonight?
- CAMILLE: Mm.
I actually, uh, wasn't going to be home.
Oh! What are you up to tonight?
Well, tonight, I'm having
dinner with a client.
- Oh. I see.
- A client.
- ANDREW: I see.
- CAMILLE: Of course.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Definitely having dinner with Lisa.
- Yep.
- Should we postpone our hike
to strategize a little longer?
- Mm, yep! (SQUEALING)
- Okay!
♪
What's going on?
They're here for the
new drink we're promoting
- on the socials.
- What?
"Come try the new
lavender menace bubble tea.
Hashtag Bubble Bae. Hashtag all day."
To promote the cafe having
a one-day-only secret drink.
It's inspired by the Lavender Menace,
a group of 1970s
lesbian activists who
I know who the Lavender Menace are.
Okay. Isn't it great? We can
do a new drink every week!
No. We have a solid menu,
and I've kept it that way
so customers don't annoy me
with outlandish requests.
But new, creative drinks
bring in more customers,
younger customers.
Just try it.
♪
- It's adequate.
- Mm.
♪
Dawg, what's the emergency?
You know, if it's those raccoons again,
I'm-a get my cross and holy water.
Whoa. What's with the, uh
Hudson, please read this letter
from four years ago, out loud.
(SIGHING)
"Dear Andrew, thanks for being there
when my raw heart was squelched
in the juicer named Lisa."
This was written by a heartbroken man.
Keep reading!
"As I work on myself, I ask you,
please never let me get
back together with her again,
for she is a cold-hearted succubus
from the ninth circle of hell.
For real, bro, stop me.
Love, your dawg H."
I'm not this guy anymore. I'm good!
Oh, yeah? They why
you looking fine, huh?
(SNIFFING DEEPLY)
Smelling like Givenchy Play?
I know, and I'm not
going to let it happen.
Okay. Alright.
Look. Just
(GRUNTING, YELPING)
Okay! Okay! I'm meeting with Lisa!
But it's to talk about
Mannix. (GRUNTING)
I'm not going to go to
dinner dressed like a slob!
You two shouldn't go to dinner at all!
The last time you
went, you fought so bad,
the staff at Luigi's Italian Supreme
was scraping pasta off
the ceiling for days!
That was one time!
Because you got us banned for life!
Look, okay? We're different now!
You don't need to butt in!
- ANDREW: Ah! Ah!
- (HUDSON YELPING)
- Ah! Ah!
- Ah! Ah! (GRUNTING)
We both know Lisa is your first love.
You take her back, and it's good,
but then it gets really bad,
messy bad.
This is nuts.
I am going to calmly walk to
the stairs and go to my dinner.
Oh.
(HUDSON GRUNTING)
- Come here!
- (HUDSON GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
(BOTH YELPING)
You're going to thank me for this!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Then I won't lose ♪
Never gonna stop
never being scared nah ♪
'Cause baby I live in the groove ♪
Camille! What are you doing here?
Oh, Lisa, I can't let
you spin your magnetic web
around Hudson and get back together.
I'm sorry. What's happening?
You always take what you
want without considering
- the consequences.
- Like what?
Like throwing away
all your relationships
for a hot French yoga instructor
and some hot French baguettes!
We have excellent baguettes in
the suburbs, I'll have you know.
Alright. Well, thanks, but
it's none of your business
if Hudson and I get back together,
so if you'll excuse me
CAMILLE: Oh.
Seriously, Camille? Where
did you even get that?
I have a boot guy.
Hey, Lisa, c'est bon,
n'est-ce pas ? (LAUGHING)
Le boot? (LAUGHING)
- CAMILLE: Run!
- (SEBASTIAN LAUGHING)
You're in my line of fire ♪
'Cause you're all that I desire ♪
Baby you better
believe that when I play ♪
I play for keeps ♪
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
This is not a library or an arcade.
I think it's great.
We've created a safe space
- for queer teens.
- We've made it too safe!
They're taking naps!
KHIA: Okay. So, some people
are using it as a nap palace,
but doesn't it feel good
to be part of the community?
There is a right way
to behave in a cafe.
You order coffee black.
You sit by yourself
reading bottle rocket hearts
until someone comes over
and says they like your
book. Then you leave together
and spend the next several
days on a date that only ends
when one of you moves into
the other person's apartment.
It's simple, efficient,
and it's how it should be.
Cool. Very specific.
So, like, are you
uncomfortable with queer teens?
No! I just have a business to run.
Yo, kids!
(THUMPING)
Fifteen-minute time limit at each table!
Drink your pretentious
lavender-infused oat milk,
grab your pillows, and vamoose.
TEEN 1: But my nap.
TEEN 2: I like the
younger manager better.
Thank you for your help.
Homemade mathri as promised.
- Sweet.
- (CAMILLE CHUCKLING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Wait. How did you, um
Your boot was papier mâché.
Sebastian!
I had to improvise and use a prop
from my one-man stage show
death of a parking enforcer.
- Oh, my God.
- Is Hudson in there?
Who's Hudson?
No.
Really?
(GRUNTING)
We can do this all day, sister!
(SEBASTIAN GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
- LISA: Let me in.
- Lisa! Lisa!
- Where are you?
- (HUDSON SHOUTING IN BASEMENT)
No one's here. I don't
think anyone is here.
Hudsy!
(GRUNTING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
- HUDSON: Lisa!
- Hudson!
(ANDREW AND HUDSON GRUNTING)
CAMILLE: Nothing to see here. (LAUGHING)
(ANDREW AND HUDSON GRUNTING)
- Hudsy, are you okay?
- Lisa!
SEBASTIAN: (ADMIRINGLY)
Hudson's a beast!
He's so strong!
Seriously, what the hell
is wrong with you two?
Yes, Hudsy. We demand answers.
(GRUNTING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Hey.
You okay?
I don't understand how
all these young queer kids
just feel and express
Obviously a generational divide.
Careful. It's just,
my parents took longer
to be accepting of me,
and things are still crappy
for a variety of reasons.
Cathy, when you made
me assistant manager
- Shift manager.
- I saw a chance to do something special.
A lot of the world is losing
safe spaces for queers.
Did you ever consider how bad ass it is
just to give them a
place to come and be?
- I guess.
- And by giving them that,
maybe you can get what you
needed all those years ago.
♪
It is all a quiet teenage
me could have asked for.
Also, if I may remind you,
the key to something becoming a trend
If the queers approve,
everyone knows that it's cool.
It's true. I'll go
wherever the young gays
on TikTok tell me to.
(LAUGHING) Kaka-de-kaka-kaka-ow!
Toilet time!
KHIA: We keep it interesting,
and Bubble Bae is
going to make a killing.
That I like.
Above all, I am a businessperson,
then a queer Asian woman,
then a world-famous poker player.
- What now?
- A story for another time.
Trust me, it's good.
KHIA: W I I do want to hear that.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
You two aren't looking out
for Hudson. You're meddling,
and what's worse,
you're really bad at it.
- (CAMILLE GASPING) What?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We are excellent meddlers.
Yeah. We are from Asian families.
Meddling is how we show love.
Okay, but why do you two care so much
if Hudson and I get back together?
- (SNAPPING) Mm! Vindicated!
- I knew it. There we go.
- HUDSON: Okay.
- CAMILLE: There we go.
Okay. Hold on. Hold on.
We need to talk,
and Sebastian, you can go home.
(GROANING) Okay, but keep me posted.
I'll be up all night worrying now.
Yes, Lisa and I were
going out to dinner,
but it wasn't to get back together.
It wasn't?
HUDSON: No.
It was so I could give you this.
CAMILLE: Maybe
(PRETENDING TO COUGH) Out loud, please.
Yep.
"Lisa, we've been
through a lot together.
My love for you will always come
from a place of shared history."
(ANDREW MAKING HIGH-PITCHED SOUND)
"But I've also done a
lot of soul-searching,
and I've moved forward.
I hope we can continue
to co-parent our
awesome daughter together
and build a strong friendship.
Love, Hudsy."
Yeah. That's the right call.
And I'm sorry about how I left.
I wanted to move on,
but I didn't know how,
so I just ran.
But I'd really like to
work on our friendship.
♪
We're sorry.
We were just trying to look out for you.
Right, Camille?
Well
Actually, Lisa, when
you broke up with Hudson,
you kind of broke up with me, too.
- What?
- You promised to keep in touch,
but then you stopped
replying to my texts,
which was really hard, because
my old job was super tough
and starting my business
Plus, I sent you some
pretty next-level memes
that, you know, only
you would understand.
Cami, life's been messy.
Well, I have been a mess,
and I really should have
stayed in better touch.
I'm sorry.
Oh, leaks-a.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
- You're forgiven.
- Oh.
(CAMILLE AND LISA CHUCKLING)
Hey, man, we good?
Yeah, man. Thanks for being my dawg.
I'll always look out for my
Hudsy! Hudsy! Yeah!
Okay. Wait. Should
the four of us go out?
Is that is that
pasta place still open?
Oh, Luigi's Italian Supreme?
Yeah. We're we're still banned.
- Right.
- Sure, we might be.
(IN TERRIBLE ACCENT) But what
about the visiting quartet
from Melbourne?
(IN TERRIBLE ACCENT) Ooh!
I'll get the costumes!
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Table for four, please.
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Yeah, just like old times.
CAMILLE: Okay. Practice your accent.
So, you feeling good
about things with Lisa?
Yeah. I'm glad our
friends are moving forward,
and, uh, we should take full
credit for making that happen.
Oh, we are a good team.
You know how other couples
have typical love languages?
- Hmm.
- Well, I love ours.
BOTH: Meddling.
Yeah. It covers it all
Quality time, words of affirmation.
And above all,
being on the same page.
A hundred percent. You?
Yarr, one hundo p.
You ready to shiver me timber?
Oh, you know you married a land ho.