Speechless (2016) s03e10 Episode Script

1 [Sighs.]
Dude, why does your mom make us shop at my rival grocery store? They steal my best workers [Cans clattering.]
"And they stack stuff where even very" C-O "coordinated people knock into them.
" Dude, JJ, I love when you let me save face.
Oh, JJ, exciting news.
"Open bag of cookies or a stranger you can mold in your image?" Ah, both.
Yeah, your special-needs Mother Teresa has a new cause.
You're gonna help me.
It's a father and his son, who's disabled they're new to town.
They're going through a hard time.
The kid's having trouble making friends at school.
At my store, people mind their own business and shop.
The kid wants to be a stand-up comedian, except because he's in a wheelchair, he said [Flatly.]
"He said sit-down comedian.
" Oh, it was new to me.
Anyway, make his day.
Tell him his dreams will come true.
Be his role model, except spelled "R-O-L-L.
" Well, I'm sorry if you've heard every great joke ever.
"Getting in other people's business is your thing.
- I don't" - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh! MAYA: Owen, this is JJ.
Hi, JJ.
It's a "wheel" pleasure.
[real.]
[Laughs.]
[Laughing.]
"A wheel pleasure.
" Good one, Owen.
[Normal voice.]
You know what? JJ will be the first to tell you that you can go anywhere.
You could go anywhere in the world.
I For example, to produce.
Colin.
You look well.
Welcome, everybody, to the Annual It's Been Here A Year So Now It's Ours Luggage Giveaway.
You guys will go first.
Like lions in the jungle, I wait until my pride has had its fill.
Let's go over the rules.
Don't die! Go! [All shouting.]
[Luggage clattering.]
[All shouting.]
Suckers! I wanted this year-old banana.
Roar.
Behold, my prize! Cool box, Dad.
"Great corners.
" Perhaps I can turn it into my study.
So sad.
Not the box, what's inside it.
Again, behold It's just kind of more awkward than it is heavy.
Yeah.
Yeah, stunned silence.
60 inches of HDR 4K UHD stuff for me.
A Jimmy.
I always knew I was special.
I just I just wasn't sure how, but I'm a guy with a big TV.
"World's Best Garbage Fights" is gonna look incredible, Dad.
Hmm.
Seeing the big TV in here kind of makes everything else look, well, worse.
Okay.
Why don't we clean the place up a little bit, you know? Make it worthy of the TV.
Biggest helper gets the box.
- Wait, wait! - Hands off my study! MAYA: Get off! RAY: Forget that you lost it why even take my graphing calculator? You've got a machine that, upside-down, spells "hell" and "boob-less," Ray.
- I'm not supposed to show that off? - Whoa! - GIRL: Guys, wait up.
- Where did those girls come from? Is this school hot at night? DYLAN: [Stammers.]
No, Ray.
No.
Let's go home.
I'm starving.
Dylan, when you see a group of girls that hot walk through a door, you also walk through that door.
I was thinking balloon drop.
MAYA: Oh, it's your new mentor, JJ.
Oh, JJ, you remember them.
Owen's got a birthday party coming up, and he's a bit worried that no one's gonna show up.
So we're just brainstorming ideas.
I'm gonna pop out of a big box and perform a comedy act.
He's got this killer bit about if classic movie quotes were said by people with disabilities.
Go on.
Take it away, Owen.
I'm not walkin' here! [Laughter.]
'Cause he's not.
Anyway, in addition to CP, JJ also has a condition whereby he scowls at delightful things.
Just a moment.
JJ.
He's nervous about his birthday party.
Tell him you love the popping out of the box idea.
"I told you I'm not mentor material.
" All right, well, can you just tell him that he's hilarious? That you had to leave the room because you peed your pants laughing? JJ, you had people who helped you.
What would they think if they knew you couldn't be bothered to help others? "They never lied to me.
You didn't.
You were honest.
You made me believe in myself.
Do that for him.
" [Wheelchair clicks.]
[Sighs.]
Right.
Let's hear some more great comedy.
Houston, we have a mobility problem.
[Chuckles.]
Nah, I'm right.
[Indistinct conversations.]
[Angelic music plays.]
Ray, be cool.
Yeah, this is when that happens.
Excuse me, what are all of these attractive people gathered here for? It's a support group for teens.
Whatever you're struggling with, we're here for you.
So, I can join and none of them can leave? No, they're free to leave any time.
- But they might not leave.
- I guess.
Awesome.
Yes, I could use some support.
What? Ray, no.
We don't n - Are those pizzas for the group? - Sure are.
My parents just died.
Meat lover's, please.
Wow! I feel like I walked into a catalogue for slightly fancy homes.
Nah, it's just a couple little things to bring the room up to par with the TV.
I wall-mounted it over the mantle for optimal viewing angles, installed drapes to reduce glare, cool sound bar.
Feels like a lot of work for a TV.
Kenneth, it's a lot of work because of a TV.
Thanks to Big TV, this room has never looked better.
I mean, now the dumpiest thing in here is is me.
Thank you, Big TV.
I know what I must do.
Hey, bud.
Aww, little JJ.
[Laughs.]
"I was thinking about" H "helping that kid.
I think my mom's wrong how she's handling it.
And people did help me.
" Hey, buddy.
[Chuckles.]
You had me at "Mom's wrong.
" [Laughs.]
Well, who's that? "Me and the right kind of role model.
The first wheelchair-user in space.
" The first what now? "Willy O'Groat.
You've heard of him.
" [Chuckles.]
You think I would have.
[Laughs.]
I-I just thought those guys had some pretty specific physical requirements.
So he brought the chair up there or? "Didn't need to.
Zero gravity.
" Ah.
"We ran into him in a diner.
" Uh-huh.
He had the helmet there with him.
That's convenient.
"Uh, he told me everything.
Well, his aide did.
" Huh, he's non-verbal, too.
What a perfect person for you to run into, JJ.
Mm-hmm.
[Water running.]
"Willy O'Groat.
" What about The Commander? "I miss him.
I'd like to visit him.
" Oh, well, he has died.
He has taken his place among the stars.
"I'd like to pay my respects to his super-model wife.
" Well, she, too, has passed.
Soon after he.
Broken heart.
Such was their love.
"I'd like to visit his grave.
" Inaccessible cemetery.
Ironically.
"You're sure?" "I'd hate to think that something that made me believe in myself was fake.
" "That the person I trust most played me for a fool.
" Houston, we do have a mobility problem after all.
A-And that's why I switched lunch tables.
It's made all the difference.
MAUDE: Good for you, Tara.
That was a real breakthrough.
So, so brave.
The same thing happened to me.
- That was so brave, too.
- Yeah.
Um, I've noticed the redhead hasn't been brave yet.
DYLAN: I don't get it.
Why not just get a cheese pizza if you're gonna pick off all the 'ronis? [Muffled.]
Wait.
Is that, like, your problem? Eh? Nice, right? [Remote clicks.]
[Whistle blows, up-tempo music plays.]
[Rhythmic drums.]
- [Remote clicks.]
- What? [Drums continue.]
No, I-I You're right.
I guess it is a shame to watch something so trashy on a on a TV this nice.
[Remote clicks.]
ANNOUNCER: Passes to Johnson.
- He shoots, BB and he sticks the 3.
- [Drums continue.]
Forget.
And then WOMAN: Nice.
WOMAN: [Singing opera.]
- Okay, that's enough TV for now.
- [Remote clicks.]
Jimmy! Tell my son I love him.
Tell the TV I don't need him.
"If the astronaut was fake, how many other lies did you tell me? - List them.
" - List my lies? Do you ask Kobayashi to list every hot dog he ever ate? I don't catalogue my lies.
"My 9th birthday party I was new at school, but tons of kids came.
Was that you? Was I even pen pals with FDR?" [As FDR.]
"Dear JJ, if I can be president in a wheelchair, so can you.
Also, please stop telling your mom her food tastes like farts.
" "I trusted you.
You betrayed me.
" [Normal voice.]
You know what? I worked very hard on those lies, so I think I deserve a little bit of recognition just - Mm, weird angle.
- You know, I'm just trying stuff.
JJ, look, I'm sorry.
Just tell me how I can make it up to you.
"There's nothing you can do for me, but you can stop Owen's dad from doing it to him.
" Oh, thank you, darling.
I'll call him right now.
Please, can I keep lying to your brother and sister? Oh, God.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you, darling.
Dylan, success.
I got a girl's name.
Don't you mean number? I'm not Michael Fassbender.
Her name is Tara, and it's not fake.
I shouted it, and she flinched.
MAUDE: Everyone, let's gather back up.
So, we have some new faces.
Would anyone care to share why they're here? Oh, us? Nah.
We're good.
Not so good that it's weird that we're here.
She's really the one with all the problems.
I mean, I can think of some problems.
I lost my calculator, and I cannot deal, and, you know, my younger sister is just so much cooler than me.
I cry in my sleep and don't know it.
[Whispering.]
Seriously? Just a ginormous mess.
Wow.
Thank you for sharing.
I validate your feelings, but you are great just the way you are, and we are thrilled that you're here.
Really? [Chuckles.]
That's so nice.
I'll take my touch before I share, if that's okay.
- [Laughter, indistinct conversations.]
- Jimmy.
- [Rhythmic drums.]
- Jimmy.
- Jimmy! - [Drums stop.]
I said, did you see last night's "World's Best Garbage Fights"? Bet it looks pretty sweet on that new screen.
Yeah, yeah.
I saw it.
Yeah, it's like the trash is in the room with you.
[Sighs.]
I missed it.
Which episode was it? I said I saw it, Rod! Break's over! [Accordion plays sour note.]
Oh, hey, Dylan, about the whole teen group thing I was thinking if I wore softer, more inviting clothes I'd get more touches.
Can you tell this is Mom's? No.
Ray, about the group, they seemed to get a lot from it.
I don't feel right taking advantage of them.
That's very noble of you, Dylan.
Ooh, that puts your wardrobe on the table.
Whatcha got soft-pants-wise? You're not listening.
It's over.
You're not going back, either.
The heck I'm not.
I don't know where you suddenly got a conscience, but this is working.
I'm going back.
I don't expect you to get it, Ray, but I'm strong, and it's my job to look out for the weak.
- It's over.
- Look out for me.
I'm wearing Mom's sweater so some girl will touch my arm.
What could be more weak? Oh, thanks for coming over, Corey.
No, thank you.
I'm grateful to have as much time with my mentor as possible.
I already did everything you told me to last time.
I know.
Very cool, very cool.
Yeah.
Uh, but, now if you could just undo it all.
Wait, what? Tell Owen that JJ's not a comedian and don't manufacture victories for him.
So don't bribe kids to come to his party? No.
They'll come on their own.
And the ones that don't, you don't want them anyway.
- We'll be there.
- I guess you're right.
I mean, the whole "write a letter and pretend to be FDR" thing was obviously dumb.
Owen saw through it right away.
"Bra-freaking-vo.
" [Slowly clapping.]
But everything else? No, just no lies.
And I shouldn't tell him that the Lakers want to come to his party but they all got sick? It was real when it happened to you, actually.
MAUDE: Let's take a seat.
[Quietly.]
I told you not to come back here, Ray.
[Quietly.]
You came here to stop me? Let's go.
I'm staying.
I am this close to finding out Tara's last name.
Whoa, I forgot to think of something to share.
Uh, uh, disease, parents' divorce, motorcycle accident I'm on fire.
Maybe I was on fire Okay, who'd like to kick us off? You found it.
Which piece should I rip off first? I'll see you in upside-down 7-7-3-4.
My parents got a divorce because of my disease, - and I have a motorcycle - Liar! His parents are not divorced, he can barely ride a bicycle, and the only reason he came here was to meet you girls who, please explain to me why are truly all hot Her parents aren't dead.
I've seen them, and they are beautiful.
Please go, and don't come back.
[Door clicks.]
And a lot of them came from the same modelling school.
What school? What schooooool?! [Loud music plays.]
Sounds like a rocking party.
Omar, get over here.
Bring the crew.
Thanks for coming! Are we early? Where is everyone? It started an hour ago.
Nobody came.
This is a huge disaster.
Why are you blasting music? So Owen won't notice there's nobody here.
What do I do? Owen's gonna see this at some point.
Do you mean he's not here yet? Well, great.
That means we've got time.
Not really.
Oh no.
OWEN: Okay, who's ready for some comedy? Drum roll please! [Imitating drum roll.]
Sure is a good thing we were honest.
Omar, dude, turn around.
Unbelievable.
I was surrounded by a group of beautiful girls giving me a shot, and you had to ruin it.
I ruin it.
I told you not to go back there.
Look, you've done a lot to me over the years, Dylan.
I've had a lot of ice cream cones slapped out of my hands, been lured into a lot of pits, but to follow me there just to sabotage me I didn't go there for you! I went for me! I wanted to talk about my feelings.
You have feelings? Yeah, they started coming in about a year ago.
I hate it.
Everything is changing.
I'm fresh out of baby teeth, and I feel stuff.
I could've really used that group, Ray.
I wanted to have one of those breakthrough things, but you took that from me.
And you couldn't even wait until the pizza came! I'm starving! OWEN: And now the act you've been waiting for! Owen, with musical guest, Sia! I never promised a musical guest.
I have no idea where he got that.
[Cardboard clanking.]
- Hurray! - Yay! Where is everyone? KENNETH: "It's just us.
I'm sorry.
But it's not all bad.
I came.
" But you don't go to my school.
[Exhales deeply.]
"But I am a famous comedian.
" You're a famous comedian? But I've never heard of you.
How is that possible? "That's what I'm saying.
It's all possible.
" But, like, this specifically.
Say one of your jokes.
"No.
" H-His His jokes are a bit dirty for kids.
Nah, go ahead.
He's heard everything.
This makes no sense.
What should I do? Should I turn off the Cajun music? I mean, I don't I mean, yes, but I don't know.
Huh? Think you're better than me, Big TV? I think I really messed up with Dylan.
Is there a one-sentence explanation for what's happening here? [Chuckles.]
Big TV thinks it's better than me, so I'm proving I'm better by doing push-ups, which Big TV can't do because it doesn't have arms! Dad, do you ever seek out the help of others to work through your issues? Nah, I'm good.
Dylan, I'm taking you back.
You know, Dr.
Phil says no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
Dr.
Phil.
Ah.
I remember him from Old TV.
You're right.
I lost the second I tried to compete with Big TV.
Now it's time to take back control.
Sounds like a good idea.
Uh, maybe just bring it back.
Yeah, that seems more reasonable.
Okay.
MAUDE: You're back? She is.
Please let her stay.
I was the one pushing the lies, and I'm leaving.
I'm not even gonna ask out Tara before I go.
I mean, I wouldn't have said yes.
Doesn't matter.
The point is, I respect the group.
Okay, but I wouldn't have.
Guess we'll never know.
[Inhales deeply.]
Dylan could really use this.
What do you say? I appreciate your honesty, but given what's happened, I think it would be best if you found support elsewhere.
I hope I can.
It was just nice to see that someone cared enough to listen.
I guess being a sibling of someone with a disability makes me feel like my problems don't matter.
Whoa! Breakthrough! Well, you two take care.
Also, I'm the youngest, so two people have already gone through whatever I'm dealing with.
It's not important, but it is.
It's mine.
All right! Two! - [Laughs.]
- Okay, then.
Of course you matter.
You're the baby.
Imagine being the middle.
I'm never the priority.
So I cook up romantic schemes because I don't think I deserve love just being me.
Whoa.
I didn't even want one.
Cool! I really need to ask you to leave.
Yeah.
I think I'm good.
You, Ray? Totally.
Yeah, I'm comfortable changing emotional gears abruptly due to my chaotic upbringing.
Bam! Breakthrough! Thank you.
We're also kind of obsessed with - having the last word.
- Having the last word.
- [Gasps.]
Breakthrough jinx! - Breakthrough jinx! Well, we just wanted to say goodbye.
We've done enough.
This party really seems like it's about to pop off.
Sure.
"I'm not a mentor, and I have nothing wise to say, but you seem like a good kid.
I think things will get better.
" So, now you're not a comedian, you're a fortune teller.
Listen, bub, he didn't even want to be a mentor I'm cool.
I'm cool.
[Exhales deeply.]
Will things get better? "They did for me.
I made real friends.
I'm graduating, going to college, and I'm making films, which is my passion.
" Why lie? The real stuff is so good.
- We raised him right.
- You just got here.
Can I call you sometime? "I'm not great on the phone, but yeah, let's get together.
" Can I not call you, ever? Yeah, I'd like that.
I guess this is it, Big TV.
You might be right for someone, but [sighs.]
you're not right for me.
- [Rhythmic drums.]
- No.
Old TV does not have 9 HDMI ports.
- Dad.
- [Drums stop.]
Yeah.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Thank you.
You know, it was it was such a nice box.
There will be other boxes.
Come on.
Free TV? Wow! I'm gonna have to rearrange my whole living room for this baby.
[Rhythmic drums.]