Stuck in the Middle (2016) s03e10 Episode Script

1 It's spring break, which means I have a whole week off from school.
So why am I not smiling? Because for the Diazes, spring break means spring cleaning.
[sighs.]
Why do I have to dust the kayaks? Once they're in the water, the ocean does all the work for them.
I know this isn't everyone's favorite week Yeah, that's next week, when this is over.
but the Bait & Bite is our family business.
That means family needs to maintain it.
And this is the only time of year where all of you have nothing else to do.
Where's Daphne? Unless she plans on selling her favorite boots, I think I know.
You can't make me clean.
I have boot hands.
I think I'm coming down with boot hands too.
He's my twin.
I should take care of him.
I just love him so much.
[sighs.]
Good, I need your help.
The cleaning crew just started their annual mutiny.
Ooh, smart, you came with your upset face.
You're way ahead of me.
Because I just lost out on a big payday.
I arranged to have a customer's boat sail from here, down the coast to Sandy Bluffs by the weekend, - but the captain quit.
- [sighs.]
Quitting's an option? How? We've been trying to do it for hours.
Six kids in desperate need of a spring break, and a boat that needs to get down the coast.
This isn't a problem, it's an opportunity.
I just have to present it to Dad in a way that will make him say "yes.
" What is this, another mutiny? Where's your mother? I need backup.
You have your captain's license.
Why don't you deliver the boat yourself? - Guys, we can't just - If we leave tomorrow, we could get there a couple days early and hang out on the boat before you have to deliver it.
It'd be like a family vacation.
We know planes and buses don't work for us.
Let's try a boat.
And what about cleaning the store? Dad, let's be honest.
We could all use a break from the Bait & Bite.
This place has got us caught like a fish on a hook.
But at least the fish gets away sometimes.
And with the money you make, we can hire a cleaning crew.
And did you know Sandy Bluffs offers snorkeling, whale watching, and for the water-averse, glass blowing? The town yacht club features a well-reviewed crab bisque.
And it's displaying the trophy from the North Atlantic Regatta.
The N.
A.
R.
? That's the biggest boat race there is.
It was just won by legendary three-time champion Austin Briggs? That's right.
You heard what I read off this card correctly.
He's going to be at the club too.
You could meet him.
His favorite fish: haddock.
There's your conversation starter.
Except yacht clubs are private.
You have to be a member.
Or know a member.
And I have a connection.
Already got you a pass.
[sighs.]
But it's not like I have a crew.
Excuse me, sir, I hear you're looking for some help delivering a boat to paradise.
[sighs.]
All right, crew you got yourself a captain.
[all cheer.]
What's going on here? You kids are supposed to be cleaning.
It's okay, Mom.
He's already in.
He is? All right! [all cheer.]
Yeah, I don't have a yacht club connection.
Yet.
I know I made a big promise, but I'm good at figuring things out.
Come on, I'm Harley.
You don't happen to be a yacht club member, do you? Hey, hey, hey, hey Sometimes it feels like Things are out of control Like you're living In a circus Oh-oh, oh-oh Trying to figure out Your way in the world Oh-oh, oh-oh Where you're at Is kind of perfect So turn it up, turn it up Do your thing Don't stop Let the game begin Let's jump right in I want to get Stuck with you Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh In the middle Of the party We're just getting started I want to get Stuck with you Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh In the eye of the tornado Rowing in the same boat I want to get Stuck with you Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Get stuck in the middle With you Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh I want to get Stuck with you This here book says Sandy Bluffs was a pirate haven.
It's shores be littered with treasure, - and it'll soon be ours! - Yeah! We're not even on the boat yet.
And you're not pirates.
She's right.
We need a parrot! There's one! - Quick! - Go, go, go! That's a pigeon.
Amateurs.
I brought the MagnaWow.
After I do some searching, I'll be rolling in lost watches and engagement rings.
That thing took down our swing set.
Is it safe to have it in the middle of the ocean? What if a shark ate a hand with a ring on it? Don't worry, I put a regulator on it so Daphne won't destroy playgrounds up and down the coast.
Cool, because I'm looking forward to some relaxing me time.
Or as I like to call it, E-time.
So Chloe said she wanted a break from you.
She did indeed.
I found us an extra crew member.
Say hello to Flat Rachel.
And goodbye to sane Georgie.
When Rachel heard we were going on spring break, she was bummed we were taking another trip without her.
Now I can send her an entire photo album with her in it.
Good idea.
And she'll probably be more helpful on the boat than real Rachel.
[camera shutters click.]
Oh, good, you're all finally here.
We're going to sleep on that for two nights? Now I know why the captain quit.
No, this isn't our boat.
I was just helping Jim hook up his bilge pump.
Our boat's over there.
[all gasp and cheer.]
Every night Are we throwing a party? All the time Are we throwing a party? So get out on the floor Floor, floor Can't get enough So give me more, more, more Arr! The base is knocking down The door, door, door We're all invited That's for sure Sure We're feeling all right Yeah, we're feeling All right Right, yeah We can celebrate tonight Let's make it A good time Are we throwing a party? Yup Every night Are we throwing a party? All the time Are we throwing a party? Right, yeah We can celebrate tonight Let's make it a good time Oh, oh, we're getting Started Everything is a-okay So everybody say Oh, oh It's always a party [kids cheering.]
Oh, oh, we're throwing A party I'm going to shore to spend some time with myself.
I'm good company.
Just ask me.
I speak very highly of myself.
I'm not having such a good time with myself.
I made a bunch of promises that I now have to make good on before I get caught.
Starting with a yacht club pass for Dad.
Luckily, he's busy with [Tom.]
Harley! Me wants to stay and see what happens next; myself and I feel like it won't be very relaxing.
- See you.
- No Can I get that pass to the yacht club? Pass? Now? I mean, sure, but you're going to be the first one there.
You're going to look like a goofy fanboy.
Good point.
I don't want to look too eager for Austin Briggs.
Ooh, I can't believe I'm going to meet Austin Briggs! You see that? Goofy fanboy.
You know what? Why don't you do some relaxing on the boat? I'll even put on some yacht rock.
And head into town so I don't have to listen to it.
Be back before you leave.
You know what? Before you go, I just want to say thanks.
You might want to hold that thanks until I get back.
No, no, you deserve it.
When you have a big family, it is hard to make vacations happen.
But you did that, and did something special just for me.
[laughs nervously.]
Ooh, I got to change into my swim trunks.
I do not want to have a weird tan line for Austin Briggs.
Smart idea, Dad.
I'll take care of the music up here.
Some yacht rock is coming your way, because you're going to a yacht club.
That is where you're going.
['80s pop music plays.]
[man.]
Hey, turn that music down! Ah, it's the little know-it-all from the water park.
Mr.
Pillman? What are you doing here? What am I doing here? I live in this charming marine town, which was very enjoyable until we got a sudden influx of cabana thieves.
The name is Diaz.
And we paid for those cabana by beating your family in the Aqualympics.
So, thanks.
Hmm, still as delightful as I remember.
Look, we're just on vacation.
Let's agree, we'll stay away from you, and you stay away from us.
Fine with me.
I'm late for brunch at the yacht club.
You belong to the yacht club? Belong? [laughs.]
I own it.
Oh, boy.
If I had known that jerk owns the club I was trying to get my dad into, I might have put a regulator on the smack talk.
I think my spring break just sprung a leak.
I don't know what's crazier, that Mr.
Pillman's here, or that you're going to apologize to him.
What choice do I have? I have to get Dad into that club.
Okay, I need to look really sorry.
Help me work up some tears.
Just think about how crushed Dad'll be when he finds out you lied.
- You're the best.
- [door opens.]
Ethan? Hannah? I haven't seen you since the water park.
I know.
This is crazy.
So, what's new? That's dumb.
I'm sure there's a lot new.
Sorry, I'm trying to flirt.
How am I doing? Not great, but still cute.
Want to hang? Sure, my E-time just turned into we-time.
[Hannah.]
Not sure what that means, but we'd better go.
My dad s in a bad mood.
Some girl on the dock totally insulted him.
Come on, let's go.
Hmm.
- Ugh.
- Oh! Hey, Mr.
Pillman.
Weird seeing you here.
At the yacht club I told you I own? What part of "you stay on your turf, and we stay on ours" is this? Two people keeping to their own yachts? That's not what this world is about.
It's about all yacht people living together in peace and harmony.
I think George Washington said that.
Hmm.
Okay.
Sorry for wasting your time.
It's just I made a promise to my dad.
We came all the way down here from Marshport, and - Marshport? - Yeah.
My dad owns a bait shop there, right on the pier.
I promised him he could meet Austin Briggs and see the Regatta trophy.
Well, I do appreciate your respect for your dad.
And I suppose you're not completely to blame.
Truth is, I was rude to you too.
- No.
- Yes, I was.
Come on, you can admit it.
Okay, but only because it's rude to disagree.
You know what? Because that trophy means so much to your dad, why don't you have him come down here.
Really? You can join me as my guests.
That'd be amazing! Thank you.
I'll go get him.
Wait, this isn't a setup so you can not let us in later, right? Forget I said that.
Miles of sandy beach right around the corner, and this is where the boys' map said the treasure is buried.
Add my vacation to the list of things that the pirates have stolen.
Well, Flat Rachel's still smiling.
Look happy, I might catch you in the background.
- [sighs.]
- [camera shutters click.]
[Lewie.]
This doesn't say where the treasure's buried.
We're gonna have to dig up everything.
Maybe the parking lot too.
We should've spent less time on costumes and more time on equipment.
[MagnaWow hums.]
Another penny? Ground, I told you, nothing less than a quarter.
[Lewie.]
Can we borrow that machine? We'd like to conduct some experiments with magnetic fields.
Drop the act.
You need this to find your treasure and I'm in.
All I've got so far is four cents and a retainer.
Let me see that.
This says all pirate ships crashed on the rocks.
If there's any treasure, it's fallen in the water.
We'd need a boat for that.
And we're not old enough to rent one.
So we just have to stay here six more years.
That's one idea.
Let's keep thinking.
[indistinct chatter.]
Help yourself to anything you like.
Food, drink, the marble statue in the corner.
[laughs.]
I kid.
Don't touch the marble statue.
The guard will get very angry.
This is unexpected.
I thought you hated us.
Oh, "hate's" a strong word.
Although I did hold a bit of a grudge after your family beat mine in the Aqualympics.
That's okay.
We held a grudge too, and we didn't even lose.
[chuckles.]
[gasps.]
Au Au That's Dad freakout language for "Austin Briggs.
" Take a breath.
Quick back check.
Uh-oh.
Don't worry, I'm part owner of the boat that won that trophy.
Oh, wow.
That is significant.
Maybe just don't go in for a hug.
Go.
I hear you're a haddock man.
He could have really used my Dry Thru.
Ah, yes, the doohickey from the water park that dries your feet or something? It was like a giant hand-dryer, but for your whole body.
Oh, I've got to get a picture with the seafood tower.
My family is never going to believe this.
Well, seeing is believing.
Invite them down.
You do remember how many of us there are, right? For favorite holiday, spring break just kicked Christmas' butt.
Prime rib station, waffle station, pasta station.
What I really need is an elastic pants station.
[gasps.]
There was a turkey leg station? How did I miss that? Want a bite, Flat Rachel? What's that? You want to take a boat ride? Flat Rachel says she wants to row a boat around the harbor.
Oh, great idea.
She would look cute on a rowboat.
Plus, I owe her one.
I dropped her in the fondue.
[chuckles.]
[camera shutters click.]
Tomorrow, that treasure is ours.
And that's how it's done.
For the record, she had four cents and a retainer before she teamed with us.
Another win for the Diaz family.
Who knew a spring break like this was possible? We went from polishing the bait tanks to polishing off an entire cupcake tower.
Gather the other kids.
Family meeting.
Wait, this isn't like the water park.
We don't have to pay for all this, do we? No.
we're selling the Bait & Bite.
What? But it's been in our family longer than most of us.
Selling our family business? When I said I wanted a break from the Bait & Bite, I didn't mean forever.
Mr.
Pillman made us a very generous offer.
I thought you guys would be happy.
The only reason we're on this trip is because you guys wanted to get away from that place.
Yeah, you're always complaining about stocking the shelves, or counting the inventory.
Chasing runaway sea slugs.
Dragging out anchors for the annual sale.
Dragging them back when no one buys one.
So now you'll never have to do any of that, or spend another spring break cleaning.
It is our least favorite week of the year.
And this has been our most favorite.
And I didn't think anything could top that week we went pants-free.
I know the Bait & Bite pays for everything in our lives, but it also keeps us from having a lot of fun.
Well, maybe now I'll have an opportunity to start a business that you'll all like better.
But I already have a business I really like.
My Slushy Shack.
Mr.
Pillman said you can continue to run it rent-free as long as there's a Bait & Bite.
So you're saying I can keep the one thing I like and get rid of everything I don't? I'm in.
Raise your hand if you want more fun and less work.
[all cheer.]
Yeah, I'm sorry this is so rushed.
We delivered the boat this morning.
- Have to go home.
- No worries.
I have to take the trophy to the next club.
I'm only a quarter owner of the boat that won.
This puppy's got to make the rounds.
[laughs.]
I'll call you from Marshport.
Or Maui.
Depends on how quick we get the money.
Money from the boat, money from the sale.
Could the Diazes make more money today? I never would have thought I'd get a picture of Flat Rachel in a rowboat.
Thanks for the suggestion, you guys.
We consider every memory a treasure.
We also consider treasure a treasure.
So when this thing goes on, watch your earrings.
[MagnaWow hums.]
[wind gusts.]
Flat Rachel! No! - The regulator! - [loud whirring.]
My trophy! My trophy! [powers down.]
Aah! Oh, this whole family is a nightmare! We are so, so sorry.
Sorry? Sorry is what you'll be when I tear down your store.
Wait, you're going to tear down the Bait & Bite? Well, not personally.
I'll hire people.
You know, the only reason I bought it was so that I could build a yacht club.
I've been looking to build in New England for years.
You have no idea what a waste of real estate that little worm shack is.
But you said I could run my Slushy As long as it still stands.
Which will be about a week.
Better get home and get packing.
This is my fault.
If I hadn't convinced you guys to take that trip, none of this would have happened.
I can't believe it.
There's so many memories here.
And we all Follow the dream Playing part of our life On our TV screen We can see Nothing can be So perfect Oh, yeah Yeah Nothing can be So perfect I'll never be so perfect I guess some things are more important than money.
This must be a difficult time.
Lucky for me, I don't care.
We have a few hours before this becomes your property.
Enjoy your final moments.
I'm just showing my lawyer the place so that we can order the appropriate size bulldozer.
I'd like to bulldoze him.
Normally, I'd tell you not to talk like that, but it's way nicer than what I was going to say.
Turns out Hannah's not so nice either.
Who's this dude? She's already moved on from me.
"Moved on" implies she stopped in the first place.
Go back.
Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
She looks so adorable with that reindeer filter.
Forget the antlers.
Look in the background.
"Invisi-Towel, by Pillman Industries"? That's my Dry-Thru.
Mr.
Pillman stole my invention.
Excuse me? You stole my invention and called it something else that isn't even clever.
What if I did? So what? What are you going to do, take me to court? I will, and it will be an open-and-shut case.
Really? A teenager versus an established businessman? No, it's an established businessman versus a teenager with a patent.
A patent? A legal document that proves I invented something and prevents other people from stealing it.
I know what a patent is! It's expensive and complicated to get.
How do you have one? When I won the invention contest at the water park, it was part of the prize.
Thank you, fine print.
Looks like you'll be seeing us in court.
Unless you want to settle this here.
You tear up the sale contract for the Bait & Bite right now, and I don't sue.
[all cheer.]
Welcome to the Bait & Bite.
Can I show you anything, like the door? [all cheer.]
Look like we did some spring cleaning after all.
You know who would have really appreciated this? Flat Rachel wherever she is.
[Harley.]
There's nothing more important in life than family.
And it turns out, family isn't always people.
It's also the place you spend your time, make your memories, chase your dreams.
It may bug you sometimes, you may have your ups and downs, but your life wouldn't be the same without it.