Superjail! (2007) s03e10 Episode Script
Burnstoolie Burn
Oh, life on the outside ain't what it used to be You know, the world's gone crazy, and it ain't safe on the street Well, it's a drag, and I know There's only one place to go I'm coming home Whoa, yeah I'm coming home Keep pushing, nimrods.
Almost there.
So, this is the Warden's bedroom.
Holy moly! Oh, it so postmodern eclectic.
You been reading too much "Glory Holes & Gardens.
" Don't start with me during a robbery! Knock it off, you two fruits! According to my reconnaissance mission, The Warden's master key to the whole prison, Should be in a safe, right here.
Bingo! You can thank me later gentlemen, Perhaps when we're poolside, Entertaining some lady friend.
All right, Ash, let's go.
What? Do your thing.
No, it's a shiv! That is a shank! The proper name for this is a shiv! Shank! Shiv! - Shank! - Shiv! A good-natured disagreement between friends.
Looks like I better step in and help resolve their little spat.
Uh, sir, that's not the best idea.
Nonsense, Jared.
The inmates respect me as a leader, a friend, And a dispute mediator.
Good day, gentlemen.
I couldn't help but overhear your disagreement, And let me say, That there's plenty of room in this prison For all homemade and manufactured weapons.
Oh, my goodness.
It's almost as if they didn't respect me at all! You have all the respect you need In that bulletproof, fireproof, Aryan-proof suit.
Which you're not wearing again.
Nope.
I will never hide from my own inmates.
I Where the hell is that suit?! Give me that goddamn thing.
Come on, enough with the yellow.
We need the blue flame, Ash.
Give me the blue! I'm trying! What's taking so long?! It's the warden! Skedaddle! What are you doing in my bedroom? I help! Help? Oh, you came here to help? A toasty fire.
That helpful.
There I was, thinking respect was missing From this institution.
And here you show up like some hideously Disfigured little angel To remind me that all is not lost.
Uh, yeah! Beautiful, isn't it? Except they never get the crotch Right in that painting.
Come on! Get on in there! They're not gonna bite you! Look, Ash, we're sorry You got left behind in the Warden's bedroom.
But some of us don't know what Sticking together means.
So, what did he, throw you a beating or something? Uh, he taught me respect.
Boy, he really did a number on you.
God, look at his face! And he didn't mention anything missing? Here comes the warden! In an effort to rediscover What's been missing here in Superjail I think he noticed something missing.
We're giving you all new work assignments.
You! You'll be transferred to scorpion insemination.
You'll be on underwater-elevator testing.
And you riot mopping! Uh, you know, Jared, we still need someone to Re-wallpaper my hobby room.
Sir, you want an inmate in your hobby room?! How about that one? Send him to my hobby room.
Balls.
Perhaps my old pal pappy should have a crack at it.
The safe did that to him.
Imagine what the Warden's doing to Ash right now! Why don't I take the safe back to my cell.
And I'll get back to you guys? No, no, no.
You're coming with us to save Ash's burnt ass.
Let's go.
I just popped in to see how you're gluing.
I'm uh Gluing just fine.
Time for a break! And what better way to appreciate your hard work Than by taking a step back And admiring it from afar? Let's sail! It's beautiful! Yes, if you respect Superjail, It reveals all its beauty.
Oh, no! We're gonna die! But that's okay.
We'll die together.
Two men who respect one another.
Ignite! Oh my goodness.
How did you do that? You just put your fingers together, And remember the happiest moments Of your life.
Papa, I want a pony! Of course, my boy! Why, you can have as many ponies as you want, Just as soon as they finish working their shift in the factory.
Hardest-working ponies I never met.
I like ponies, too.
Really? They're my favorite.
Pretty! Come back, beautiful pony! Ash, you opened up to me, And because of that, I am proud to call you my special friend.
It appears we've come to save a snitch after all.
Ash is no snitch.
The secrets you've shared with me Will bond us forever.
He's turned stoolie.
Oh, that bastard! You're getting really "big buddy man" with the warden.
We wouldn't want you to tell your new girlfriend Whose got the safe.
I'd never do that.
I'm not a stoolie! Then prove it By burning down the Warden's bedroom! Ash! What a pleasant surprise! And speaking of which, I've got a big surprise for you! Ponies! Pick the one you want.
This one! That one's mine.
Let's dream! What the Pony? I want a pony! Let's get him! Warden! Oh, goodness! Not my sweet Ash! That's for refusing to burn down The Warden's room to prove You're not a stoolie, you stoolie! He's a noble soul! I've got to save him! The only way you can save him now Is to burn down your room.
That's it, Jared! I'll burn down your room! My room?! Yes, as long as they see smoke, This mob's flame lust will be satisfied.
But, sir! Don't be so selfish, Jared.
Besides, it'll be just a small, controlled blaze.
Remember the happiest moments of your life.
Goodbye, Jean.
You will always be one of the top I don't know 10, 15 loves of my life.
You can't be [Bleep.]
serious.
Come on in.
It's safe in this safe.
Don't just be standing there.
Join us in our safety.
What do we do now? Your automatic sprinkler system is designed To protect this room at all costs.
Quick! My escape pod! Jared! We made it! [Bleep.]
Yes, we did.
Uh, do tell.
What paradise does this vehicle Take us to, anyway? Ultrajail.
Almost there.
So, this is the Warden's bedroom.
Holy moly! Oh, it so postmodern eclectic.
You been reading too much "Glory Holes & Gardens.
" Don't start with me during a robbery! Knock it off, you two fruits! According to my reconnaissance mission, The Warden's master key to the whole prison, Should be in a safe, right here.
Bingo! You can thank me later gentlemen, Perhaps when we're poolside, Entertaining some lady friend.
All right, Ash, let's go.
What? Do your thing.
No, it's a shiv! That is a shank! The proper name for this is a shiv! Shank! Shiv! - Shank! - Shiv! A good-natured disagreement between friends.
Looks like I better step in and help resolve their little spat.
Uh, sir, that's not the best idea.
Nonsense, Jared.
The inmates respect me as a leader, a friend, And a dispute mediator.
Good day, gentlemen.
I couldn't help but overhear your disagreement, And let me say, That there's plenty of room in this prison For all homemade and manufactured weapons.
Oh, my goodness.
It's almost as if they didn't respect me at all! You have all the respect you need In that bulletproof, fireproof, Aryan-proof suit.
Which you're not wearing again.
Nope.
I will never hide from my own inmates.
I Where the hell is that suit?! Give me that goddamn thing.
Come on, enough with the yellow.
We need the blue flame, Ash.
Give me the blue! I'm trying! What's taking so long?! It's the warden! Skedaddle! What are you doing in my bedroom? I help! Help? Oh, you came here to help? A toasty fire.
That helpful.
There I was, thinking respect was missing From this institution.
And here you show up like some hideously Disfigured little angel To remind me that all is not lost.
Uh, yeah! Beautiful, isn't it? Except they never get the crotch Right in that painting.
Come on! Get on in there! They're not gonna bite you! Look, Ash, we're sorry You got left behind in the Warden's bedroom.
But some of us don't know what Sticking together means.
So, what did he, throw you a beating or something? Uh, he taught me respect.
Boy, he really did a number on you.
God, look at his face! And he didn't mention anything missing? Here comes the warden! In an effort to rediscover What's been missing here in Superjail I think he noticed something missing.
We're giving you all new work assignments.
You! You'll be transferred to scorpion insemination.
You'll be on underwater-elevator testing.
And you riot mopping! Uh, you know, Jared, we still need someone to Re-wallpaper my hobby room.
Sir, you want an inmate in your hobby room?! How about that one? Send him to my hobby room.
Balls.
Perhaps my old pal pappy should have a crack at it.
The safe did that to him.
Imagine what the Warden's doing to Ash right now! Why don't I take the safe back to my cell.
And I'll get back to you guys? No, no, no.
You're coming with us to save Ash's burnt ass.
Let's go.
I just popped in to see how you're gluing.
I'm uh Gluing just fine.
Time for a break! And what better way to appreciate your hard work Than by taking a step back And admiring it from afar? Let's sail! It's beautiful! Yes, if you respect Superjail, It reveals all its beauty.
Oh, no! We're gonna die! But that's okay.
We'll die together.
Two men who respect one another.
Ignite! Oh my goodness.
How did you do that? You just put your fingers together, And remember the happiest moments Of your life.
Papa, I want a pony! Of course, my boy! Why, you can have as many ponies as you want, Just as soon as they finish working their shift in the factory.
Hardest-working ponies I never met.
I like ponies, too.
Really? They're my favorite.
Pretty! Come back, beautiful pony! Ash, you opened up to me, And because of that, I am proud to call you my special friend.
It appears we've come to save a snitch after all.
Ash is no snitch.
The secrets you've shared with me Will bond us forever.
He's turned stoolie.
Oh, that bastard! You're getting really "big buddy man" with the warden.
We wouldn't want you to tell your new girlfriend Whose got the safe.
I'd never do that.
I'm not a stoolie! Then prove it By burning down the Warden's bedroom! Ash! What a pleasant surprise! And speaking of which, I've got a big surprise for you! Ponies! Pick the one you want.
This one! That one's mine.
Let's dream! What the Pony? I want a pony! Let's get him! Warden! Oh, goodness! Not my sweet Ash! That's for refusing to burn down The Warden's room to prove You're not a stoolie, you stoolie! He's a noble soul! I've got to save him! The only way you can save him now Is to burn down your room.
That's it, Jared! I'll burn down your room! My room?! Yes, as long as they see smoke, This mob's flame lust will be satisfied.
But, sir! Don't be so selfish, Jared.
Besides, it'll be just a small, controlled blaze.
Remember the happiest moments of your life.
Goodbye, Jean.
You will always be one of the top I don't know 10, 15 loves of my life.
You can't be [Bleep.]
serious.
Come on in.
It's safe in this safe.
Don't just be standing there.
Join us in our safety.
What do we do now? Your automatic sprinkler system is designed To protect this room at all costs.
Quick! My escape pod! Jared! We made it! [Bleep.]
Yes, we did.
Uh, do tell.
What paradise does this vehicle Take us to, anyway? Ultrajail.