The Batman (2004) s03e10 Episode Script

As mayor of Gotham City, I have many duties.
But none tastier than judging our annual chili cook-off.
Mm.
Too hot! Too hot! Jo Joke It's Joker! Five-alarm ha-ha-jalapeño fire mouth.
I'll put it out.
You really should know better, Mr.
Mayor.
Chili always gives you gas.
Huh? Batsy? Punch.
Judy.
Oh! Now, open wide and say "ha.
" Stop me if you've heard this one.
Should have stopped me.
Just look at Batsy and Bitsy.
The teamwork.
The footwork.
I want my own Mini-Me.
Punch.
Judy.
Eat my dust, Bats! So, what's the plan to take down Jo? Nice to be a part of the team.
Must be nice to have someone to watch your back, to mold in your own likeness.
Well, if you have a sidekick, Batsy, I want one too.
You two don't count.
You're not sidekicks, you're goons.
I just know somewhere out there is a Joker Junior just waiting for me to take him under my wing.
Which would make the factored equation minus 8-times-X, minus 5.
I rock.
Excellent, Barbara.
Hilarious.
Donnie.
Now, who would like to solve for X? Oh, I I know, I know, I know, I know! X equals P-yew.
No, Donnie, X equals one week of detention.
Oh, Mr.
Harms, isn't that harsh punishment for the class clown? Gee, Donnie, I thought you had to be funny to be the class clown.
You people don't know funny.
I'll just go somewhere they do.
Gee, that's funny? Pathetic.
And the mathematician says, "X equals P-yew.
" You stink! Hey, you're gonna miss the best part.
Prop comedy.
Thank you.
I'll be here all week.
Kid, you have some real potential.
And I know funny.
You're You're A comic, who only wants to make people laugh, just like you.
I'll bet no one gets your jokes either.
Instead of laughs, I usually get detention.
See? You get sent to detention, I get sent to the asylum.
And for what? Trying to bring a little joy into this miserable world.
Donnie, is it? How would you like to learn from the best? Be my, uh, apprentice.
Uh a-a-apprentice? Uh, I I don't know.
I Chew on it awhile.
You'll see me around.
Same time tomorrow, Donnie.
I'm sure we'll have another barrel of laughs.
Shh! Hey! Let me down! Let me down! Get me down! That was classic.
See how much fun we could have? Join team Joker.
It'll be a hoot.
Thought I might find you brooding in this part of town.
Joker's going to strike again.
The question is, where? Well, two heads are better than one when they're on separate bodies.
And this is where the magic happens.
My idea factory.
Contraptions, concoctions and comical confections.
As you can see, I've been toying with quite a few whimsies.
Whoa, I'm in prop-comedy heaven.
"Revenge is a dish best served chili"? Eh.
Half-baked.
Despite the inspired circus fire-truck homage, it lacked that classic Joker touch.
You know what I mean? Coming up with comedy gold week after week is tough.
Which is why it's good to get some new blood in the old clown house.
Look, I know you never asked for a partner, but I don't want to be freelance forever.
What's it gonna take for me to be your official sidekick? I mean, I could be a better Batgirl if you trained me.
Whoo, you must have a secret hideout.
Why can't we hang out there once in a while? Then it wouldn't be a secret.
Okay, okay, I got it, I got it, I got it.
Then we set off the giant dominoes, and wham! The chief gets flipped into a vat of green jelly.
Huh? Huh? Huh? Eh, not grabbing me.
What else you got? Okay, the police banquet.
Cover the ballroom floor with mousetraps.
Doesn't scream Joker.
Seal cops inside giant playing cards? Uh, been there, done that.
Giant crossword-puzzle maze.
Nah, too Riddler.
Uh Oh Ugh! Great.
Gum on my shoe.
Gum? Shoe? G-gumshoe.
Oh, we hit the police with a giant gumball.
That could gum up the gumshoes for days.
And with the right touch, it could have that crazy crime clown flair.
I love it! Construction.
Wardrobe.
Wardrobe? I can't be seen with you dressed like that.
Huh? Your joke just fell flat.
Well, stand by for another, Batsy.
Knock, knock.
Who's there? Prank.
Prank who? Prank, your new sidekick.
Joker has a sidekick? Sorry to burst your bubble, Batsy.
It's your time to shine, sonny boy.
Stick around, Batman.
Now, Prank, Remember what I taught you at the hideout.
He's been to Joker's hideout? Why don't we have that kind of relationship? Chew on this.
Show me what you got, clown boy.
Oh, gross.
That laugh.
No way.
Huh? The best punch line is the one you don't see coming.
Looksee, Batman.
My sidekick is about to make your sidekick go splat.
Launch away, Prank.
Whoa, w-w-wait a minute.
I-i-if I do that, she'll That's right.
It'll be hee-haw-larious.
Um I-I-I-I'm not sure I get it.
You yank lever.
Gumball go boom.
Goo everywhere, including Batgirl's.
We laugh.
They cry.
What's not to get? Comedy is timing, Prank, so let her rip.
I wanted to make people laugh, not hurt them.
Sounds like you and I need to take a little time-out.
Oops, almost forgot.
Donnie needs our help.
Donnie? Prank's no criminal.
He's a classmate.
Long story.
Hopefully with a happy ending.
We'll need to pick up Joker's trail.
Covered.
Popped a tracer on him.
Property of Gotham PD? I borrowed Dad's.
When you don't have access to the official bat-arsenal, you improvise.
We have lots to do if you expect to graduate from class clown to crime clown.
That's the, uh, thing, Joker.
I'm thinking maybe I'm not cut out for this.
I blame myself.
You do? I should've known a costume and makeup wouldn't be enough.
No, to live the part, you have to be the part.
Wha? What does that mean? Come on, I'll show you.
Where are we going? To a happy place for only special boys to see.
A place where crazy crime clowns are born.
Have a good look at my past.
And your future.
No! That's right, Pranky.
It's permaclown time.
It was in this very chemical concoction that I collected my clowny complexion.
And now it's your turn.
Why so nervous? I mean, look how I turned out.
Let the kid go, Joker.
I'm trying to.
Huh? Grab your ducky.
It's bath time.
Can't hang on.
I got you.
Not helping.
Batman.
Huh? You were right, Joker.
The best punch line is the one you don't see coming.
You know, our relationship's looking better all the time.