The O.C. (2003) s03e10 Episode Script

With the best sports-medicine doctor in all of Orange County.
My dad really loves me.
- So he's gonna really like you.
- I have to tell you something.
I just want you to know the truth.
I think I'm in love with you.
So, Summer Roberts, you saved Chrismukkah.
Chrismukkah.
Well, that must be a lot of fun for you.
Yeah, we have fun with it.
Nope.
Nope.
Look at the branch spacing.
It's like Swiss cheese.
These stems couldn't hold heavier ornaments.
- So that's a pass, then? - Why not? We've been here three hours.
Hey, get in the spirit, man.
It's Chrismukkah.
- And I love Chrismukkah.
- So we've heard.
It's seriously the best thing I've ever done.
Every Jewish boy wants Christmas.
I gave myself that.
What does every Christian kid want? - Easy.
A bar mitzvah.
- I've never wanted one.
Well, that's just because you don't know better.
Coop, let's look over here.
- Again? - Yeah.
Seriously, I think you should really consider it.
- What, a bar mitzvah? - Yeah.
You've brought some "Chris" to the Cohens but I think you could use a little "mukkah.
" I don't think so.
That's tough talk from a guy who eats a lot of bagels.
Oh, you think Johnny would like that tree? Johnny? Johnny who? "Johnny Harper" Johnny? Johnny, the one let's-take-time-off-just-be-friends- because-I'm-in-love-with-you Johnny? It's just, I feel bad.
I mean, it's the holidays, and he's all alone, laid up with his knee.
I don't know, Cooper Scooper.
That's a bad nickname.
And besides, I already talked about it with Ryan and he's cool with everything.
- It's just a tree.
- Okay.
But I get to pick it out.
- Everything cool with you and Marissa? - Yep, we had a really good talk.
- The whole Johnny thing? - There is no Johnny thing.
I mean, there is, but not for her.
It's the holidays.
I'm sure Johnny's the last thing on her mind.
Hey.
So we found a great tree for Johnny's house.
Did you, now? I figured he could use some holiday cheer.
I think that's a great idea.
And what do you think, Cohen? My Chrismukkah forecast calls for trouble.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, Marissa.
If you're looking for Johnny, it's not the best time.
- Is everything okay? - Who is it, Ma? - Hey, guys.
- A little something for the holidays.
It only took Summer five hours to pick it out.
Thanks.
That's really nice of you guys.
- That is nice.
Here, let me.
- Yeah.
I'll be inside.
- Well, what's going on? - Nothing.
- Just- We got a call from the doctor.
- Something wrong with the surgery? There's not gonna be a surgery.
Apparently, my mom's insurance doesn't cover it, so So he's not gonna do the operation? He would, if we could pay for it.
So I guess I'm gonna have to get used to living here a little while longer.
- Sorry, man.
- No, it's cool.
You know.
I was kind of getting sick of surfing anyways.
But thanks for the tree.
- I'll see you.
- Yeah.
I think he really liked the tree.
Hey.
I tell you, the air is crisp.
It must be 70 degrees out there.
- The kids are not back yet with the tree? - Oh, not yet.
Seth said they'll be a while.
I'm just pulling out stockings and menorahs and yarmul-Claus.
All the Chrismukkah trimmings.
Remember when Seth made him this? That feels like forever ago.
What feels like forever ago is when my mom and I made this.
My dad claimed it was his favorite.
Always demanded that he got to hang it.
This is your first holiday without him.
And the last one with the boys in the house.
Merry Chrismukkah, huh? Well, luckily Chrismukkah has twice the resistance of an ordinary holiday.
It's just that this year, it just feels like it's flying by so fast, Sandy.
And I just feel adrift.
Well, you got your business with Julie.
If you wanna feel better about your life hanging out with Julie is a great way to begin.
I should check in on her.
See how she is.
You mark my words.
This will be the best Chrismukkah ever.
You're beginning to sound like Seth.
Well, that just means you'll miss him less when he's gone.
You guys, we have to do something.
We need a Chrismukkah miracle.
Right.
A Chrismukkah miracle.
That's what I do.
Okay, how about if we-? No.
No.
What if-? No.
I know.
Stupid.
I can actually see the wheels turning.
- How much can surgery be? - It's a few grand at least.
If any of you were even remotely Jewish I would just say we could pool our bar-mitzvah money, but - Holy crap, that's it.
- What's it? - Oh, no, no, no.
- Yes.
- No way, dude.
- Yes way, dude.
- Yes way.
- I'm sorry, all right? I can't.
I won't.
- Will.
- I'm not having it.
- Having what? - A bar mitzvah.
What? Ryan gets bar mitzvahed.
Now, that is funny.
- See? Summer's laughing.
- That's just gas.
Listen.
This won't be an ordinary bar mitzvah.
Know what this will be? Wait for it.
Wait for it.
A Chrismukkah bar mitz-vahkkah.
Spell that, dude.
- That's crazy.
- Yeah? So crazy it just might work.
So we throw a big party And Ryan gets the money from the bar mitzvah? And then we can spend it on Johnny's surgery.
How will it work? Stand in front of Newport, sing Hebrew? You chant.
And hell, yes.
- What centerpieces should we get? - I don't know.
Band or DJ? DJ with dancers.
- I like the Pussycat Dolls.
- My God.
You're serious.
We can get so many cool things, Herckel the Jewish clown.
- Herckel? - DJ Goldsteinberger.
The 21 car will just have to continue on through the pit.
You can't make a penalty and gain by it in terms of I told you, Gus.
I'm not going to your Christmas party.
Even if you are deep-frying a ham.
Well, deep-fried ham sounds delicious.
Kirsten.
I thought we weren't doing any business until after the New Year.
- I didn't come here for business.
- In the neighborhood? I came to see how you were.
I'm great.
Neighbors are having cockfights in an hour, using stray dogs.
It's a holiday tradition.
My money's on the feisty Weimaraner.
Good.
Because I'm awful.
I'm spitting Skoal into a can, drinking wine from a bottle I unscrewed and living in a home that, if I wanted to, I could put in reverse.
I'm beyond awful.
At least spend the holidays with Marissa? You know, we were.
But the Four Seasons in Maui is booked.
- Haven't told her? - What? That her mom's now a Jeff Foxworthy fan? She thinks our new oceanfront condo is undergoing a remodel.
- Julie, what are you gonna do? - I'm gonna let her have her fun.
And I will be miserable.
Well, misery loves company.
Guys, we understand that Dixon will be in in the next two or three laps.
Hornish maybe in the next four or five.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Dr.
Roberts.
Hello.
Hi.
How are you? I'm good, Seth.
How are you? Great.
I'm with your daughter, so how could I not be great? Plus, the Angels won.
Looking pretty good this year.
Baseball season ended months ago, Seth.
But the market is up.
Yes? No? It's a good-? It's a good time for the market? Yes? No? It's good.
It's bad.
It's bad- It's a bad time for the market.
Cohen, why don't you go comb Princess Sparkle's tail.
- I know that relaxes you.
- What? Summer, what-? What are you talking about? I would never- I would- - Is the comb where I left it? - Yeah.
Okay.
How are you, sweetheart? Good.
Just had a trial run at the Christmas-tree lot.
I helped pick out the Cohens' tree.
Is what's-her-name around? We could all go later and pick out ours.
Your stepmother? She's out of town.
She's meeting with the maharishi in New Delhi.
She wants to get centered for the New Year.
So when she's here, she's not really here, but now she's really not here? Well, we have each other.
And I've got a ton of work.
Well, can't tummy tucks wait? It's the holidays.
Aren't you the least bit bummed that your wife ditched us? Well, I'm too busy.
I really haven't had a chance to be bummed.
I've gotta be off to the OR.
When you wanna get that tree, you just let me know.
Bye, Dad.
Go, Johnny, go.
Johnny boy.
He hasn't moved all day.
Johnny, your friends are here.
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
Hey.
This is when me and Chili went down to Costa Rica.
Was the greatest trip of my life.
Now it's the most depressing.
- Well, we have some good news.
- Yeah? I could use some of that.
Yeah, well, you're gonna have the surgery.
We're gonna throw a party.
A fundraiser.
We have them all the time, so it's not really a big deal but everyone in Newport usually comes.
- We'll raise the money.
- So I'm like a charity case now.
No.
It's not like that.
The rich people pay for the poor kid.
How is it not like that? We're trying to help.
I appreciate that, but I've always taken care of myself.
Okay.
All right.
But now's not the time to be proud.
Hey, man, if anyone should understand Look, thanks, but no, thanks, all right? I should probably lay down.
My knee's killing me.
Thanks for stopping by.
I don't care.
Ryan's getting a bar mitzvah.
The whole point was to help Johnny.
Maybe to you, but do any of you remember my bar mitzvah? Wait, wasn't that Luke's birthday? We played paintball.
That was so much fun.
That was fun for the entire 13-year-old population of Orange County none of whom swung by Temple Beth-El that day.
But now I'm gonna get a do-over.
I just wish he'd let us help him.
He doesn't wanna be our charity case.
Poor guy.
Slight of build and on crutches.
He's kind of like our very own Tiny Tim.
He was pretty upset yesterday, but he'd just gotten the news.
Maybe if he just thinks about it, it'll change his mind.
- Exactly.
- So it's on.
You guys keep working on it.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
All right.
Meet you at the diner.
Bye.
We only have one hurdle left before you become a man.
A bar mitzvah? For Ryan? It just makes me feel all tingly hearing you say it.
- You have any idea how offensive this is? - We're not trying to offend, just help.
Well, you gotta be Jewish to be bar mitzvahed.
- Let's start there.
- Why are you guys doing this? Our friend Johnny can't afford surgery.
It's like a fundraiser.
- Which is where we need you, Mom.
- It's a sacred religious event.
A tradition that marks a Jewish child's obligation to observe the Ten Commandments.
I'm sorry.
And that's the problem with the Jews.
We have no concept of marketing.
- You're on thin ice.
- Listen.
A long time ago, Mom's team allowed Christmas to be about reindeers and snowmen and Tim Allen movies.
- I'd say that's a pretty religious holiday.
- The birth of Christ? I'd say so.
You betcha.
Well, now the bar mitzvah is our greatest export possibility.
It's got huge crossover potential.
Yeah, it's an honorary bar mitzvah.
It's a Chrismukkah bar mitz-vahkkah.
I like it.
And they're helping their friend.
- But we need your blessing.
- That's right.
The club's throwing a holiday party anyway.
We'll hijack it.
We'll just tell the Newpsies that we're raising money for the hospital.
Sandy, it could be really fun.
- It's honorary.
- Hey.
- Minimal Hebrew.
- Which I'm fine with.
No tallis.
No challah.
No tefillin.
As long as people are dancing to "Y.
M.
C.
A.
" and handing over cash, we're in.
- Then so are we.
- Mazel tov, buddy.
- Hey, what are you doing? - Solitaire.
Well, are you winning? There's nothing worse than losing to yourself, huh? - You got some time to talk? - Actually, I'm kind of busy.
- I can see that.
- No, I'm serious.
What's your problem, Johnny? You don't want help, or you don't want help from me? My problem is my problem.
I'm sorry.
I gotta take this.
I can wait.
It's private.
Hey, man.
Actually, it's- It's not a good time.
You know what? It's fine.
I'll go.
Marissa I'm sorry, okay? Yeah, sure, I can meet you.
I can't believe this is you.
Hard to believe I was once skinny and awkward, I know.
But seriously, you went out in public like this? It's one of the unfortunate truths of the bar mitzvah, Ryan.
It's the most awkward time in a Jewish boy's life.
- But also the most photographed.
- Is there a videotape too? You would have to kill me first.
Hey.
My archery award from Camp Takahoe my clay hot dog I made in seventh grade my diorama of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.
There we go.
This is the CD I trained with.
Rabbi Gutterman.
He does a lovely job.
Very easy for you to mimic.
- I don't know if I can do this.
- It'll be over before you know it.
You just chant a little Torah, you dance a little hora, and then we're golden.
You hear "That's What Friends Are For," you're done.
- That song's Jewish? - It might as well be.
It's a staple of every bar mitzvah.
You and your friends your arms around each other, swaying.
It's awesome.
I thought all the kids went to Luke's party.
It's hypothetically awesome.
But tomorrow, we're gonna rewrite history.
I guess I should go study.
Then I gotta meet up with Marissa.
Hey.
No slacking with the lady, okay? You got 24 hours to learn Hebrew, to read the Old Testament- And humiliate myself in front of the whole town.
Better than humiliating yourself in front of no one.
Trust me.
Julie, this is just what we need to lift us out of our holiday blues.
We're throwing a party.
A bar mitz-vahkkah, which sounds delightful.
Seth is one of a kind.
But how's this gonna work? We raise money for the hospital, they throw in an arthroscopic surgery.
- And they're gonna go for that? - Julie Cooper? Hi, doctor.
Have we met? I hope so.
Your daughter's living at my house.
- Neil.
I didn't even recognize you.
- Hi, Neil.
How are you? I'm good, Kirsten.
Busy.
Thank you again for letting Marissa live with you.
No need to thank me.
I know how unnerving a remodel can be.
Do you know where the administrator's office is? Dr.
Singh? What do you want with that crank? Throwing a fundraiser for the hospital.
He's definitely not the guy to see about a party.
He's in the Bahamas.
- You're kidding.
- But maybe I can help you.
I'm head of Plastic Surgery and I'm on the board.
Yes, well.
It's called a bar mitz-vahkkah.
I'd like to introduce you to my father-in-law.
- And here's the Nana, my mother.
- Well, hello.
- My father-in-law, Caleb Nichol.
- Shalom.
Hey, Seth.
Do you wanna dance, sweetheart? This song is called "That's What Friends Are For.
" It's for your friends.
Well, we're your friends.
This is my funeral, not my bar mitzvah.
No one showed up.
And you said Summer Roberts was coming.
She R.
S.
V.
P.
'd.
So did a lot of kids.
I hate it here.
- What? - What's wrong, honey? My Rapid Palate Expander's killing me.
Buddy.
Hey, Portnoy.
How's it going? I gotta meet Marissa.
I'm late.
Lost track of time.
That's the Torah for you.
Once you start unscrolling, it's hard to stop.
- I'm a dead man tomorrow.
- In all seriousness it's great what you're doing, considering everything.
Maybe they'll make me a saint.
Jews don't believe in saints, just really good standup comics.
- Can I help you? - Hey.
I'm waiting for someone.
- It'll just be a minute.
- Okay.
Hey, Johnny? Are you okay? Not really.
Hey, look, you're gonna get better.
What if I don't? My whole life, I've dreamt of one thing.
I was so close to making that happen.
It was gonna change my life.
Well, that can still happen.
I'm sorry I've been taking this out on you.
I know I've made things weird, but sometimes knowing that you're pulling for me, it's the only thing that keeps me going.
Hey, we're gonna get through this.
Okay? We'll get through it together.
- What do you mean, you're not doing it? - I'm done.
- Did something happen? - Something's happening.
- Can't it just wait? - No, it can't.
Johnny's in love with Marissa and she can't seem to get enough of him.
Sounds like a low-grade relationship issue brewing.
- Very high-grade.
It's level five.
- What's the problem? There is no problem.
I'm just not humiliating myself tonight.
What, you're quitting? This is bad news.
Great news.
So Neil Roberts cleared the fundraiser with the board.
Julie and I talked to the Newpsies.
We're all set for tonight.
You were right.
This is gonna be the best Chrismukkah ever.
I gotta go set up.
That was remarkable timing by Mom right there.
Oy, humbug.
Well, sweetheart, I have to say, your mom taught you well.
She used to spend hours picking out a tree, seeing how dry the pines were.
If it's dry, say goodbye.
- How much sap was on the bark.
- Sticky but critical.
How the tree looked with your presents underneath.
Anything with presents for me looks good.
- Dad? - What, baby? Why did Mom leave? Well- I mean, I was only 13 years old.
Your mom She just didn't like it here with me, I guess.
I remember when you told me the news.
I think that was the worst day of my life.
And you were already upset because I didn't let you go to Luke Ward's birthday party.
- Really? - Yeah.
You had already R.
S.
V.
P.
'd to some other engagement.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Not that it mattered.
You didn't come out of your room for three days.
When you found out, you cried.
- But we've done okay? - Yeah.
Your stepmother, she's very sweet on you.
That's because she's medicated.
I'm sorry.
- I just miss Mom sometimes.
- I know.
Me too.
I've got rounds.
I won't be long.
Okay.
- Seth.
- Dr.
Roberts.
Did you see that? That was a breakthrough moment for us.
Everything okay? Yeah.
Just, the holidays can be hard, you know? Yeah, can I help? You already have.
- Hey.
Thanks for meeting me.
- Of course after last night.
You really talked me off the ledge.
Yeah.
I kind of wanted to talk about last night.
- I just feel weird about what happened.
- Nothing happened.
- I mean, well, there was a definite vibe.
- That I like you? It's not a vibe, it's the truth.
Which I've shared with you.
Unintentionally, but you still seem to wanna hang out.
I do.
I just I wanna stay friends.
Can we start over? Yeah, of course.
I just I mean, I kind of need to know that everything's okay with you.
My knee's screwed up, and I give off a vibe but other than that - What were you doing last night? Because I saw you out here with this guy, and- Look, I thought we just made peace.
I told you, I'm taking care of things.
What does that mean? It means don't ask questions you don't want answers to.
Let's just leave it at that, okay? Hey, kid.
You mind turning off the TV? I don't really feel like talking.
That's good, because I do.
You can listen.
That's right.
It's time for the big Sandy Cohen uplifting speech.
- Look, Sandy, I've got my reasons.
- I'm sure you do.
Like I had mine when I didn't want you to do this.
- Sorry to let you down.
- It's not just me.
There's also Kirsten.
She has her heart set on it.
And the hospital, they're all excited about it.
And your friend Johnny, who, whatever he's done he could really use your help.
You can still have the event.
Just do it without me.
That'd be missing the point.
The thing about a bar mitzvah is it's about becoming a man.
Not that you aren't one already but if there were a time for an adult moment, this is it.
Whatever's going on, set it aside until after tonight.
- I'd really be swallowing my pride.
- I'm not saying it tastes good.
But- Gotta do the right thing.
Yeah.
Feels like I do that a lot.
That's because, Ryan Atwood, you're a mensch.
And after tonight, I'm gonna tell you what that means.
Gus.
Damn it.
What are you doing? We're supposed to be setting up.
Yeah, right, well.
Yeah.
I just felt like telling overdressed oversexed Newpsies how to hang streamers wasn't gonna make me feel better.
- I thought this was for charity.
Well, of course.
It's just, I feel like the Newpsies won't get me anymore.
I can't have them over for Pop-Tarts and cockfights.
You're avoiding Marissa, aren't you? I had no problem keeping other secrets from her.
Julie, tell her the truth.
She's your daughter.
It's the holidays.
You should be together.
You're right.
I'll go over there this evening and do it.
- I haven't heard from you all day.
- I've been studying.
Big night tonight.
I thought we were gonna have dinner last night.
A lot of Old Testament to cover.
Well, I haven't heard you use that one before.
- It's probably good, anyway.
- How's that good? Because if you had shown up, you might have seen me and Johnny and it might have seemed like something it wasn't.
I saw you guys.
I have a bad habit of showing up at the wrong time.
Yeah, well, nothing happened.
I promise.
We were just talking.
Looked like more than that.
He's in bad shape.
- I'm worried about him.
- Well, I'm starting to be too.
- What is this thing you have? - What thing? Always helping these kinds of guys.
What? The wounded-loner types? Sometimes they turn out to be good guys.
I don't have feelings for Johnny.
I'm just worried about him.
I think he might be up to something dangerous.
Johnny doesn't seem like the dangerous type.
Yeah, well, he's scared.
And desperate.
- What do you think it is? - I don't know.
I mean, dealing drugs? We're just so close to helping him.
All right.
All right, I'll talk to him.
And I'll see you tonight.
So how's Johnny doing? You know.
First his girlfriend, then the accident.
I just don't know what he would do without you guys.
That's what friends are for, right? Is he? - Yeah, his room's just down the hall.
- Thanks.
- Johnny? Hey, man.
- Ryan? - Hey.
I'll just be a minute.
- Yeah.
Take your time.
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
Sorry to show up unannounced.
- No prob.
Is everything cool? - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Actually, I'm just trying to- Trying to get you to come to this party.
- It's not still for me, right? - No, no.
We found a different cause.
I'm getting bar mitzvahed.
You'd have to know Seth better.
Well, thanks for the invite, man, but I got some stuff to do, so It'll be fun.
You could use some fun.
- I really can't.
- Sure you can.
Everyone wants to see you.
Whatever you're doing, it can wait, right? Okay, I just gotta get ready.
- I'll be five minutes.
- Great.
I'm gonna embarrass myself in front of a lot of people.
Hey, man.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
Look at all them signatures.
Attendance is amazing.
So, Cohen, no one came to your bar mitzvah? Not no one.
The Nana came.
Rabbi Gutterman swung by after the ceremony, so - That is so sad.
- Well, apparently me in a yarmulke was not as enticing a draw as Luke in camo pants.
Hey.
The photographer has summoned us for our family photos.
And, Ryan, our orthodontist has offered to take your braces off for the big day.
Couldn't have done that for me? - Don't let him out of your sight, okay? - You're okay with that? Yeah, well, until I can figure out what he's up to.
- Julie.
Look at you.
- I hope I'm not disturbing you.
- Come on in.
- Thank you.
I haven't been here in so many years.
I forgot how majestic your home is.
Well, luckily there are a lot of aging, vain people in this town.
Is Marissa here? I was hoping to catch her.
- No, she already left for the event.
- Well - Just as well, I suppose.
- Would you like a drink? I think Marissa's a great girl.
She's very good for Summer.
It gives her an ally in the house when I'm working.
Well, Marissa wasn't a fan of my remarriage either.
Hopefully I'll have her out of your hair soon.
Remodel's almost finished.
- The little white lies we tell our kids.
- Excuse me? I've been telling Summer everything's great also.
Truth is, I'm looking down the barrel of divorce two.
- Oh, Neil, I'm so sorry.
- No, don't be.
The way my wife self-medicates, she could be a pharmacist.
Been miserable for years.
I live in a trailer park.
If only I could say that to Marissa.
Sometimes it's okay to keep our kids out of harm's way.
I just feel terrible lying to her.
We've come so far.
You're remodeling your life.
It's all about how you slice it.
Yes, well, you are the surgeon.
Do you have any interest in a party? - It's nice to see you again.
- Ryan.
Over here.
Everybody, eyes right to the lens.
- Terrific.
- Let me show you to your seats.
I was born to usher.
Marissa.
Come, join us.
You're practically family.
I think, technically, she is.
Over here, everybody.
One, two.
Great.
Let's just have one with the bar-mitzvah boy.
I'll be right back.
How are you, good people of Newport Beach? Welcome to the first, and quite possibly the very last Chrismukkah bar mitz-vahkkah.
A charity event for the Hoag Hospital.
- Johnny's gone.
- What? Yeah, I lost him.
I don't know how, but he can't be far.
- Okay.
All right.
I'll be right back.
- Okay.
- Fundraiser.
I hope you find it entertaining and enlightening.
And if not, we've thrown in a big party for good measure.
Now, the young man who will soon become a real man is Ryan Atwood.
I'm sure some of you have heard of him.
None of you have seen him like this.
Let's hear it for Ryan Atwood.
- Go.
Do something.
You gotta- - No.
No.
I am not reliving this.
Once was horrible enough.
Okay.
Come on, stall.
Please.
Seth Cohen.
Hello.
Ryan forgot his glasses, so he's going to be right back.
Ryan doesn't wear glasses.
He does when he's reading from right to left.
And so that is how I came up with Chrismukkah.
Because you can't have "Chris" without a little "mukkah.
" Who here is familiar with the story of Hanukkah? No Red Sea pedestrians? Okay.
Well, today's your lucky day.
Because, Summer Roberts, will you please join me on-stage? Summer Roberts.
Summer, can I welcome you to the stage, please? She's gonna be portraying the part of Judah Maccabee.
And Marissa Cooper will be portraying the miraculous oil.
I hope I didn't give away the ending.
We're closing up.
Hey, man.
Ryan.
- We're closing up.
- Yeah, sorry.
Can I get a pack of Marlboros and a lottery ticket.
I'm feeling lucky.
- Come here.
- What are you doing here? - I could ask you the same thing.
- I'm handling this.
- Yeah, great plan.
I don't see any holes.
- I have no choice.
- You do.
Doesn't have to be like this.
- What am I supposed to do? You said if anyone would understand, it'd be me.
Well, you're right.
So listen.
Sometimes you gotta let the rich people help you.
We'll take care of the surgery.
Let us help.
We should go.
I got a lot of people waiting for me.
- Hey! - Now, everybody, join in.
- They don't really like our songs.
- Why don't you let Coop and I handle this.
You know what I mean? Ready? Thank God.
Our bar-mitzvah boy is here.
Ryan Atwood.
- Where were you? - I think figuring out what a mensch is.
- They're all yours.
- Thanks.
Okay.
Sorry to keep you guys waiting.
So.
We are all gathered here for an honorary bar mitzvah.
But I wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for a mitzvah the Cohens performed for me.
You see, "mitzvah" means any act of human kindness and, well, that's really what we're here to celebrate.
So if you'd open your programs and turn to page two - Mazel tov, kid.
- Oh, thank you, sir.
- Come here.
Come here.
- We're so proud.
- You're finally a man now.
- And they're playing your song.
- Yeah.
- Cohen.
I think that I've owed you this dance for like five years.
Well, better late than never.
Ryan, this is a song about friendship.
I'll see you out there.
All right? Excuse me.
Excuse me a second.
Hey.
This is the moment Seth's been waiting for.
- Finally has some friends.
- Sure.
Oh, hang on.
Friends? Friends.
Hey.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Join our circle.
Actually, this is kind of lame.
Hey.
Sorry.
- Hi.
- Hi, Kirsten, you look lovely.
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
Sandy.
- Doctor.
- Good to see you.
- Dad.
Hey, what are you doing here? - It's the holidays.
I needed a break.
- Well, come dance with us.
- All right.
Excuse me.
- Hey.
- Dr.
Roberts.
Shalom.
- Shalom.
- Friends? - Friends.
- Marissa.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I come in peace.
- Hey, it's the holidays.
- It's nice to see you.
What did I tell you? Best Chrismukkah ever.