1000 Ways to Die s03e11 Episode Script

Male announcer: Not feel so hot? - Ooh, this is not right! Announcer: Is work getting to you? Things could be worse.
Just ask the couple who wound up in hot water or the dude who broke into television.
How about the cute old lady who kept getting hit on? And the secretary who couldn't get ahead? Then there's the paint suffer who got burnt out.
And the old grinch who had it in for Santa.
- Ho! Ho! Ho! Announcer: If you're feeling down, we've got perfect pick-me-up.
The next episode of 1,000 ways to die! [Rock music.]
Death is everywhere.
Most of us try to avoid it.
Others can't get out of its way.
Every day we fight a new war against germs, toxins injuries, illness and catastrophe there's a lot of ways to wind up dead.
The fact that we survive at all is a miracle Because every day we live, we face Tammy was an ambitious executive assistant who was willing to play the game to move up the ladder.
- Here's your coffee, Mr.
Elliot.
- Thank you.
Announcer: A real go-getter, she was fueled by burning ambition and an addiction to energy drinks.
- Is there anything I can get for you? - Yes.
Could you grab that box and put it on top of these boxes, please? - Sure.
Announcer: Her boss at the insurance company was your basic sleazebag.
Tammy let him have his way up to a point, knowing she had a lock on an upcoming promotion.
- What would your wife say? so nervous, she knocked down energy drinks at an even faster pace.
[Knock on door.]
- Come in.
- Mr.
Elliot? Could I talk to you for a minute? I wanted to talk to you about the promotion.
Is there anything else I could do? - Well There might be just one more thing you can do.
Announcer: Tammy would do a lot to further her career, but Mr.
Elliot wasn't one of them.
- Thank you for your time.
Announcer: She tried to wash her disgust away with a couple more cans of energy boost.
- Most energy drinks contain both high levels of sugar and high levels of caffeine.
Many of these energy agents can have a significant and higher amount of caffeine than a typical cup of coffee, which is usually This can have detrimental effects.
At higher levels, caffeine can cause increased respiratory rate, increased heart rate.
Announcer: Tammy was drinking herself into a heart-hammering caffeine overdose.
Things got even worse when she saw the new guy slip into the boss's office.
Something was up.
Unable to resist, Tammy took a peek And discovered the new guy was passing the oral test with flying colors.
- [Gasps.]
Oh, my God.
- Guess who just got the promotion.
- Tammy erupted.
- Mr.
Elliot, do you know what I just heard? I just heard that you gave my job my promotion to the new guy! Announcer: Her heart red-lined and her blood pressure went through the roof.
All fueled by ten 16-ounce energy drinks.
- I can't stand you and I hope that you die! Ooh! This is not right! This is not fair! It's not fa announcer: Tammy's over-caffeinated heart exploded and she was dead before she hit the floor.
- When you have high caffeine levels, this can predispose you to arrhythmia and it makes the heart much more sensitive to the effects of these two agents.
This can then cause a deathly arrhythmia and then cardiac arrest and then death.
Announcer: Tammy just wanted to get ahead.
- Is there anything else I can get for you? Announcer: But when she wouldn't give it - This is not fair! It's not fa announcer: She wound up at a dead end.
- Come on! Get him! - Get him! Get him in a headlock! Announcer: It was wrestling night at Fernando's place.
Every week, he would gather his buds for some yucks and brew-skies.
- Yeah! Clothesline! - Tonight, Fernando had invited a new guy, chip.
They had met at an anger management class and Fernando thought he would extend the hand of friendship.
Chip had a lot of pent-up anger and frustration.
A lot of it due to his failed ambitions as a tv sportscaster.
- Woo-hoo! - Oh! - The atomic elbow! Yeah! Announcer: Chip's behavior had Fernando wondering if he had made a mistake.
- Come on.
Let's go right now.
- Let's go! - Oh, yeah.
Come on.
[Overlapping chatter.]
Yeah! Announcer: Forget about anger management.
This guy needed a straightjacket.
- Relax.
Damn.
- You want some, big boy? - This person already has issues with anger.
And then when you combine alcohol with this, it's a very bad combination, because the alcohol lessens their impulse control, their ability to think things through.
- Oh, you want some more of this? Announcer: Finally, chip brought the party And himself to a dead stop.
It was a triple whammy.
The shattered glass ripped his face to shreds, the force of the blow broke his neck, and his heart took a fatal jolt of electricity from the severed wires.
Chip was unable to control his hair-trigger temper.
- Yeah! Announcer: But in the end He finally wound up In television.
- Get up! Announcer: Coming up A little old lady gets her hurt on - Oh! Announcer: And he huffed and he puffed and he blew himself up.
Announcer: A little old lady out for a stroll enjoying the autumn of her years.
It's a picture of tranquility until Some jerk decides to pounce on her purse.
- Hey! [Indistinct.]
Announcer: Granny might be 74, but she's also a fifth-degree black belt in Tae Kwon do.
She regularly wins competitions against young men with way more fighting skills than this lowlife.
This dude just popped a whole can of senior-citizen whoop-ass.
- Go get him, granny! - Yeah! Kick his ass! - Kick his ass! - Dynamite comes in all packages small, medium, and large.
An elderly lady who's been doing martial arts for 20 or 30 years, she's already a trained killer at that level.
Announcer: The thief's got no problem hitting a sweet old lady.
He lands some vicious blows, but that only lights granny's fuse.
- Do it! - Oh! - Yeah! - You little prick.
Get back here! - Oh! [Cheering.]
- Yes! Wow! - Oh, my God! She's kicking his ass! [Cheering.]
Announcer: It was time to wrap it up.
Granny had a date with a dialysis machine.
- Hiya! Hiya! - Oh! Announcer: She delivers the grandmother of all punches right to his throat.
- She struck him on the windpipe where the Adam's apple is, or the larynx is, and she generated enough force to rupture the windpipe.
Now his body wasn't able to suck in the air that it needed to live on.
- Oh, that was serious, man.
Oh, my God.
Announcer: Granny probably would have invited him over for tea.
Instead, he got TKO'd - Hiya! - Oh! Announcer: And wound up D.
O.
A.
You're looking at footage from a security camera taken behind a warehouse in Seattle.
The owner came in one morning and found this dead body lying in his alley.
Rewinding the tape, two other males are seen running away.
They were picked up by police who also confiscated their video camera.
By piecing together the security and the video footage, they were able to determine what happened.
- Fill the bag up for, like, ten seconds, and then huff it, man.
Announcer: The three males had been out enjoying their favorite pastime, huffing.
This fun activity involves breathing in paint fumes to get high.
- This is a good time.
Watch.
Announcer: This causes dizziness, disorientation, hallucinations, and permanent brain damage.
- One big hit on an aerosol can, the high will probably last you about 6 to 7 1/2 minutes.
You can get so high that you think you see whales going over rainbows.
You can do a lot of huffing and get progressively higher and higher and higher, but then you also get dumber and dumber and dumber.
- Is that, like, not the best stuff ever, man? - Is it bad if you can't hear your ears? - [Chuckles.]
- Whoa, what's this? Announcer: While tagging the warehouse wall with graffiti, they came across a box of unlabeled liquids.
- Look.
Announcer: Which were later determined to be industrial-grade solvents.
- What are oh! Announcer: Their fumes are far more powerful than aerosol paint cans.
- Sniff the fumes from it, man.
It gets you, like, higher.
You know you announcer: One of them decided to soak himself with the toxic liquids in order to breathe the fumes directly off his clothing.
But the fast-evaporating solvents sucked the heat right out of his body.
- Dude, this stuff is cold, man.
Announcer: Only a brain-damaged paint suffer would ask this next question.
- Hey, you got the lighter on you? - Do it, do it, do it.
- All right, light it.
- You ready? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, my God.
- Dude, dude.
- Get on the floor! Get on the floor! - Roll roll around.
- Five-second burn can possibly cause a second-degree burn, and maybe a ten-second burn would probably lead to a third-degree or fourth, depending on the temperature of the substance.
This puts him in a hyper-metabolic state.
With increased heart rate, increased respiratory rate, increased temperature, they lose a lot of proteins and fluids, which then would eventually lead to death.
- Dude, I think he's dead.
- Oh, my God.
We gotta get outta here.
Announcer: The results of the investigation: The two accomplices were charged with manslaughter.
- Go, go, go.
Announcer: The third suffer, he went straight to the morgue.
Up next, a swordsman hits the juice.
And pill-popping hot-tubers get rub-a-dubbed out.
Announcer: We come upon a strange and grisly scene.
A young couple in the prime of their life lying dead in their hot tub.
It would later be determined they were boiled alive.
- Champagne.
Announcer: These two loved the good life.
- And lobster.
- Oh.
Announcer: They also enjoyed the high life.
They would swallow a mouthful of painkillers Climb into the hot tub [Both laughing.]
Pop a bottle of bubbly And drift away, numb, dumb, and full of com-fort.
They were playing with fire.
The rising water temperature was magnifying the effects of the booze and drugs.
- Can you feel it, baby? - [Moans.]
- The enzymes that metabolize drugs in your body are made to function at a certain temperature, and that's body temperature.
Core body temperature increases the enzymes that remove drugs and alcohol from your body don't function as well, and so you'll end up getting a higher level of the drug in your body.
- Is it too hot in here? Announcer: Things still might have turned out okay except for a broken thermostat.
as a hot tub should ever get.
But with nothing to keep it in check, the temperature kept climbing.
All they had to do was get out.
But they were too damn wasted.
- I feel good.
Announcer: By the time the water hit 150 degrees, they were already suffering from first-degree burns.
When the temperature reached 175, tissue-damaging second-degree burns set in.
Soon after, they went into shock.
- Shock means that your body doesn't have enough blood pressure.
Because the fluid level is low, the heart doesn't work, it goes into shock.
Announcer: Drugs [Both laughing.]
Alcohol, and a broken switch created a perfectly deadly storm.
- Are you feeling it, baby? Announcer: When their bodies were finally discovered, there was nothing left but stoned soup.
- Why are you running, man? Head shot.
Announcer: Greg and Tyler were a couple of Japanese-American kids living out the suburban dreams of their immigrant parents.
- Ohh! - Game over.
- Knifed you in the throat.
Announcer: But like a lot of kids, they were bored and restless.
- Pssh.
- I know where you're at.
Announcer: To kill time, they played video games and watched samurai flicks.
- Look at how fast he's spinning that thing.
- Pssh.
- Samurai is a Japanese warrior of the military class.
And they were trained in martial arts basically to protect the shogun and the emperor of Japan.
- I think we could do that.
- I think I could do that.
- I could that better.
Announcer: Greg and Tyler had reached the point of samurai saturation.
They got it into their heads that what they saw on screen they could do in real life.
- What are you gonna do? - What are you doing? - What are you gonna do? Announcer: Never a good idea.
- Ha.
Yes! - [Grunts.]
- Dude, that was my mom's favorite lamp.
- What are you gonna do about it? Announcer: What started out as roughhousing fun became the real thing.
And those were real samurai swords Tyler's father collected.
[Both grunting.]
Today's youth or ancient Japanese samurai, there will always be a fight when pride and honor are at stake.
[Both grunting.]
- Honor is very important because a samurai would rather die that be captured or have a dishonorable death.
You don't fear death at all.
Announcer: Into the backyard went the wannabe samurai.
[Both grunting.]
They were in over their heads, but neither was willing to back down.
Greg was ready to deliver the death blow.
But was cut short by a high-voltage power line.
of heart-stopping juice finally put an end to the madness.
- Electricity will travel through paths of least resistance.
Usually this is through blood vessels or nerves.
These injuries can cause cardiac arrest, and that's the most common cause of death.
Announcer: Greg and Tyler thought they could be samurai.
- I could do that better.
Announcer: They should have kept a tight grip on their game controllers and stayed away from the swords.
Next up - Hey, how do you like that, Santa claus? Announcer: A mean old scrooge takes his lumps.
Announcer: They say the holidays are the hardest time to be alone.
Bob was an elderly widower who had no family or friends to share the season's Joy.
Carolers: silent night Announcer: But one cold, rainy Christmas Eve, Bob was surprised to hear the sweet voices of carolers.
- All is calm, all is bright Announcer: Bob smiled.
Not because this idyllic scene warmed his heart.
- Round yon virgin Announcer: He smiled because it was a great opportunity to get rid of all his rotten fruit.
- Hey! Announcer: You see, Bob was a total scrooge.
- How do you like that, Santa clause? Ho, ho, ho! Announcer: He hated Christmas.
Couldn't stand Christmas carolers and even Santa was on his greatest hit list.
- Come on, go.
Go.
- Yeah! Announcer: But then, after getting rid of the good cheer crowd, the weather, like his heart, got ugly.
[Thunder crashing.]
It turned from freezing rain to hail.
- So in a powerful storm, you have air rushing upwards, forcing huge amounts of water vapor to condense to liquid.
Now, we introduce ice particles becoming bigger and becoming heavier.
And then finally falling out of the cloud down to the Earth.
If you get hit by hail, it's gonna hurt.
Announcer: Bob didn't get hit He got clobbered.
A freak of nature two-pound hailstone fractured his old and brittle eggshell scull.
- The largest hailstone weighed about two pounds.
That will fall at about 100 Miles per hour.
Announcer: Bob was a grumpy, old man.
Nothing wrong with that.
- Ho, ho, ho.
Announcer: But if you don't believe in Christmas - How do you like that, Santa claus? Announcer: Just get the hail out of here.