Billions (2016) s03e11 Episode Script
Kompenso
1 Previously on Billions He's a rich man.
There always have been rumors as to the way he earned it.
You are willing to testify Jock Jeffcoat profited along with his brother? I know he does.
We're doing a massive cap raise.
Welcome to the new quant headquarters.
He fired you.
I was fodder.
Don't try to tell me different.
So, is it prison or start talking? Let's do this.
Who the hell gave you permission to talk to my son.
Good thing is there's no paperwork.
Off the books.
The Chuck Rhoades Special.
Your best friend sold you down the river for nothing.
I'm willing to pay you 30 million to tell the truth.
But I sure as hell will testify about what Chuck Rhoades did.
You sold out my relationship.
No, no.
You did.
That's why you told me he was at your dinner.
I can't believe you brought me here.
Thank you.
I was surprised to learn the viral videos so afflicted you.
Oh.
They don't usually but I mean - Oh, my God.
- Oh! You know we could just order the tomahawk and have him do his whole thing here at the table.
Uh, no.
I'm all right looking at the eclipse through the cereal box.
Ah, well, well, well.
How'd it go? Bought you a present, had it sent straight to the office.
Well, I hope that's not all you've brought me.
Texas is a bizarro world.
Jock Jeffcoat's a pariah at Zabar's but he's the second coming on the 29th parallel.
So you weren't able to substantiate what we know the brother, the cable company.
We have embarked on a one-way mission here.
We either get to the other side and line dance on Jock's grave or he will most assuredly be doing the Tush Push on ours.
Anybody who knew anything wasn't willing to go on the record, and anyone willing to go on the record didn't know anything.
I'm sorry, Chuck.
You know what's printed above the Rhoades family crest: "Never say sorry.
"Make the other fella sorry first.
" Can you do that? Will you do that? I will.
Reach out to people you feel dirty talking to, employ tactics you wouldn't confess even to a priest, and find a way to crack someone inside the cable company.
Because we cannot build a case on the word of a confessed liar like Cutler.
Yeah.
On it.
Yep.
Dream of you What a wicked thing to say Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Be right back.
What a wicked thing to do Excuse me.
To make me dream of you And I Don't want to fall in love Well.
Look at you, fat and happy, taking down the Cadillac of steaks.
Well, you must have made a nasty nickel selling me out.
Fucking right I did.
Why didn't you come to me? You could have come to me.
Ah.
You're married.
To Taiga.
Of course to Taiga.
Who was the best man? There wasn't one.
- Come on.
- Shapiro.
Oh.
Shit Really? I'm sorry you could only to do it at 50 percent of my weddings.
Wouldn't have made you Cal Ripken, but it would have been nice to keep the streak going.
I whopped you a good one.
And you whopped me a good one.
I don't believe in even, but, uh, maybe, we're even.
Maybe we are.
So where is your bride? Uh, Taiga's out of town.
Visiting family.
Hmm.
So you're a bachelor for the evening.
- Boys' night out.
- Not quite.
This is work.
That guy's on the board of Doesn't matter.
Just I'm trying to impress him, build my book.
Making it monsoon? Just trying to keep my head above the flood waters.
Taiga's expensive.
She decided to start a Yoga empire.
SoulCycle, but Mm.
For yoga.
Mm.
And of course you supported her.
It's who you are.
But how deep are you in? Deep and descending.
Location problems, design problems, all kinds of hypoallergenic? Stuff that makes my eyes glaze over.
- Sorry to hear that.
- It'll all be fine.
As soon as we get the first location open and have some money coming in instead of just going out Right.
Of course.
Of course.
Uh, well.
My best to Mrs.
Schirmer.
And it's good to see you, Ira.
Where are the others? They left a while ago.
They didn't contact you? To say? Uh They quit.
What happened? Well, they're hacks and lame.
Did they quit because you called them hacks and lame? You backslid into being a dick.
Fine.
Yes.
Big time.
You know what? Those other two were sweet, but you're more talented.
I need you.
Damn right you do.
'Cause I'm the Yngwie Malmsteen of coding, total control of the instrument Sad.
Look, I need you to model something for me.
If we give the algo an extra 20 billion to play with can it reliably generate returns in excess of eight percent? If so, how soon? How reliably? And can any other funds do the same? Wait, this isn't some T test.
This is something you'd pitch an investor.
Problem is: Bridgewater would have 50 PhDs writing software on this.
Molly Hatchet had three guitarists.
Rising Force had one.
Are you going to tell me you can't play this solo? Of course not.
I'm sure we'll go faster without the dead weight - Whoops - You're working alone now, act however you want.
Take me to the fucking Regency.
Thanks.
Excuse me one second.
- Hey, Axe.
How are you, man? - Hey.
I don't think we knew you were coming.
Just give us a second, and we're gonna have your table.
- Nah.
No need, JT.
- Okay.
Enjoy.
Thanks.
- Hey, Axe.
- Hey, Lizzie.
Ah, fuck, Axe.
Can't you skip a year? I could.
But what fucking fun would that be? I'm Martin Carlisle.
Who you are is a witness to this year's edition of Fuck Ups Fucking Up.
Today, at Axe Cap, it's comp day.
And so, as always, I'm reminded of the best day of my life.
The day that this man, Bill McGann of McGann Commodities, told me I didn't have enough Blarney in me.
What he meant was: I didn't kiss enough ass.
I meant you didn't have a soul.
And so, by means of instruction, he wasn't gonna bonus me right.
He shorted me by 50,000.
Hey, I can leave you two to Stay.
I'm leaving.
So, here I am, as I am every year, to thank you.
And to buy you breakfast.
Just think.
If I'd stayed, you maybe could have owned this hotel.
Least I can do is get your check.
Right before I engage in the very same rumble that left you knifed and bleeding in the schoolyard.
You're about the same age I was back then.
You've had a good run, kid.
But you can't stay clear of the switchblades forever.
You're not a Greaser anymore, Axe, you're a Soc now Do you want to lean down or bulk up? Because either way, suck my dick.
Is this how one runs a service business? Whatever I'm doing, it seems to be working.
Because I invested in one.
And now I got five.
Ah.
Some guys just stumble into money.
Like Leonard Cohen into the Chelsea Hotel.
Mm.
You're looking good, sweetheart.
Thanks.
Do you have any idea what it takes to make the pivot I did? This is my lifeblood now.
I built it to where there are guys who would help me take it public if I wasn't a fucking felon.
In your estimation, that's my fault? You went after Axe.
On the way you went after Dollar Bill Stearn.
You didn't get any of them except for me.
Because I surrendered.
Thank you.
That was convenient.
And it shows a remarkable sense of personal responsibility.
Oh, I'd be glad to speak of that to judges and clerks and probation officers to get your record sanded clean.
And in return you want I do want.
Help me investigate a money trail.
Don't you have all your boys with windbreakers to do that for you? This is of a more personal nature.
Very few are as expert as you at disguising and veiling and hiding money.
I'm a man of many talents.
And it's in your field, fitness.
Let me call you back.
Shit.
This is chilling.
Does he always do this at comp? To a degree.
This is special.
What's the mood down there? They've got that lean and hungry look.
Like to leave 'em that way.
Let the hunger set in.
Starvation, in small doses, triggers an increase in energy, clarity, aggression Right up until it kills you.
You gotta feed 'em something.
Why? I make the decisions, do all the heavy-lifting, actually earn the money.
Mortimer Duke said it best: No getting around the old minimum wage.
Actually, that was said to Mortimer Duke, but that's a helluva pull.
The thing is: most years, I'm paying with other people's money.
Now it's my own money.
That reminds me of a prayer I said every night as a kid: "And now I lay me down to sleep, "I pray the Lord my soul to keep, "and if I die before I wake, "I pray that all my toys should break.
" So my fucking brother and sister can't play with 'em.
Why don't you just delay comp decisions until after the raise? Outside money will be back on board, you'll feel better about the whole thing.
Three things in life you can't postpone without dire consequences: calling a doctor when gutshot, finding a toilet when traveling in India, and paying your people.
The last two being more or less the same.
Listen.
Don't think the raise isn't the thing; it's the only thing.
Without that money, I'm not bonusing people, I'm putting them out on an ice floe.
Okay.
Then I just want to make sure you're aware of a promise I made to everyone while you were gone: No one makes less than last year.
That's why they stayed.
I am aware that that was your promise.
Anyone you think deserves more? - No.
- Not even Ben Kim? Kid's practically your gimp.
I think he's ready to move to PM.
I could see that.
Then let the promotion be his bonus this year.
Too much too fast could overwhelm him.
Has it overwhelmed you? Looks like you're up.
Let's move over to the desk.
- You talk to Lara? - Mnh-mnh.
Be bold.
Check in with me later.
First time in the ring without training in Catskill with Cus.
You ready? Yeah.
I got my Kevin Rooney.
I'll be fine.
Fifteen million dollars.
You aren't going to start with a performance review or Helluva year.
Fifteen.
- I was thinking 50.
- How'd you get there? Axe Cap made 929 million this year.
When you account for expenses, nets to almost 700.
Seeing as how I ran the place for most of that time, less than one-tenth of the profits seems more than fair.
Might be.
But then again, I was the client.
So you're kind of comparing apples to my money.
I did more than just run your money.
I kept us alive.
I killed it at the Idea Dinner.
I convinced the Street that night, and every day since, that there was always someone at the helm.
I got us through a natural disaster.
I all but closed Kansas City before Ben Kim went Thunder From Down Under on them.
And let's not forget that I was key in making up the shortfall from Grigor's redemption, at great personal cost.
Still sore about Oscar? Yet here I am, still ready to help lock down the raise.
About that.
No, you're not.
I don't actually need you in the pitches.
For one thing, you bombed your first raise meeting, with Grigor's lieutenant, bombed it on purpose.
And for another: the investors need to know that you're here at Axe Cap, that someone's "always at the helm.
" Besides the raise is my thing.
I'm thinking that the final number will be something just shy of half of what you're looking for.
- I don't agree.
- This isn't heavy petting on the Oberlin campus: we don't both have to agree.
I say what it is.
You take it.
Yes, that is so.
But still.
I don't accept.
I never made that much at your age.
I've accomplished more than you had.
But you don't have your own shop.
If you were ready for that, we wouldn't be having this conversation, I'd be looking at a Taylor-shaped hole in the wall.
Twenty is as much as anybody's ever gotten out of me.
Learn to be rich on that.
And I was beginning to think you were done teaching me.
Let's finish this later.
I'd like half a million.
You just got here.
Your signing bonus is your comp.
I didn't say I deserved half a million.
But you rarely get what you don't ask for.
So I'm fucking asking.
Otherwise, why are we doing this? We've never talked one-on-one.
I wanted to get a hit off of you.
I hit like the Purple People Eaters.
So be careful what you wish for.
Oh.
This is gonna be fun.
I believe I've proved my value.
Don't need to justify a thing to you at this point.
Oooh, working stiff.
Just like your personal totem, The Undertaker.
Do you have people feeding you this shit about us ahead of time? Thing is, for the last couple of weeks, I haven't really felt your presence.
You saying I've been coasting.
I'm saying there's no garbage time at Axe Capital.
Every minute of every quarter matters.
No scrubs get playing time.
And even if you are my MVP at the All-Star break, if you stop performing, you will be replaced.
Pay me what you're gonna pay me.
Save the pep talks for someone who needs 'em.
I think I like that version of you.
But I could hate it another time.
Ok.
What you did with the Wendy thing aside, and it's hard to put it aside, I'm paying you 1.
3, a personal record.
On top of your other bonus that's more than a two-ball for this year.
But that is not a repeatable trick.
When we're here 12 months from now, if you're not still bodyslamming like uh King Kong Bundy Did you pretend not to remember that to make me feel good? Goodbye Mafee.
I think I should not throw out the first number, because I have a tendency to undervalue myself.
I'd like to make you a PM.
Portfolio Manager? I would have gone Prime Minister, but there you go, undervaluing.
- And the money? - Meet the new salary, same as the old salary.
I'm a PM.
I've asked my special counsel, Bryan Connerty, to sit in.
We meet again, young man.
The Axelrod case.
Yeah.
That thing was like cleaning out intestines before you eat 'em, a giant fucking waste of time.
But I'm here to speak of something more concerning.
It has come to my attention that there are men and probably women, within the Federal B-I, perhaps even within this very office, who are undermining our sacred purpose.
- Which is - I don't know if it's some Deep State bullshit, or just some vigilantes who think they know better, leaking to the press, and causing Lord knows what other ruckus.
I will keep a lookout for what the Lord knows.
The Lord knows all, madam.
Took care of that for you.
As for the rest, I want a hard-target search of every e-mail, text message, and online footprint so we know who's trustworthy and who needs to be purged.
I'm just not sure it's strictly legal for us to undertake this ourselves, or if it's too gray of an area.
Maybe it would be best to have a court order first We can do it.
And if you want to stay out of the deep gray, Director Lynch, I can lead the review myself.
You know, chart a a whiter shade of pale.
Impressive.
All too often I am told of obstacles and regulations when what I really wanna hear is "sÃ, Se puede" Ira, uh, this is Pete Decker.
He's in the health and conditioning industry.
Is this a bailout? More like an intervention.
Tell him what you told me, Pete.
"The bitch is a booster.
The bitch is a born thief.
" You talking about my wife? You looked into her? She needed looking into, so I looked.
Go on.
Her business is well, there is no business.
Everything you gave her was transferred into the account of her supposed business partner, Anthony Radaelli.
I assume they, you know Thank you.
Do right by me, Chuck.
My middle name.
I know this is hard to hear.
The commercial property she told you she plunked down on, that doesn't exist either.
But there's an apartment, a very expensive apartment, they're about to close on.
I'm sorry.
Yeah You knew.
Yeah.
Some.
The rest I suspected.
Oh, boy.
To carry that around Fucking kills me.
But, uh, you know, Chuck, I know you're only trying to help, but please stay out of it.
It's, um There's no prenup.
And New York's a no-fault state.
And I'd be halved financially.
There's no prenup? Oh, Ira, you're a fucking lawyer.
For once I didn't want to be.
I wanted to be a romantic.
- Mm.
- I still do.
I gave up on a marriage once.
I've regretted it every day since.
I'm not giving up this time.
It'll blow over.
She's young.
It's a last hurrah.
You know, she'll get whatever it is out of her system and then then she'll come home.
I really have to watch what I tell you.
It's like you're listening to every word.
Especially when you start talking about hiding out in bathtubs.
And places that remind you of what that felt like.
I wasn't hiding.
It's just that when I was younger the bathtub was the only place I could go to be alone and think.
I'd press myself against the sides so hard eventually my legs would go numb.
Then I'd start thinking I didn't have legs, and I'd wish for fins.
Because then not fitting in would make more sense.
I get it.
I almost feel like a mermaid here.
Comp didn't go the way you wanted.
He said I was off the raise team.
Is he punishing me for doing exactly what he asked of me? Axe doesn't punish people.
Unless they've wronged him.
Or Lara.
Or his kids.
Or me.
Or the New York Football Giants.
I won't stagnate.
Not for Axe.
Not for anybody.
You know Axe has never changed a comp decision.
So I've heard.
And I might be able to live with the number he can live with.
But what I need is forward momentum, above all things, even money.
Yes.
You do.
I'll talk to him.
Give me a day.
Kvankam.
Although.
Pensis.
Thought.
Comp.
Kompenso.
So you're not here to help me with my Esperanto.
I haven't had my comp meeting scheduled yet.
Must be an oversight.
Must be.
Axe, you remember Ari Spyros.
Works down in Compliance.
Uh.
Rings a bell.
But like children of the 1800s, seen and not heard.
And not even seen, you know? Spyros was concerned that his comp meeting wasn't on the books.
I am sure it's an oversight.
Was it an oversight? Compliance does not get performance-related comp.
- Oh.
- Sure.
Usually.
But Compliance doesn't usually turn around a shop overnight.
But before I got here this place was dirtier than the porta potty outside a third-rate donkey show.
Arrests, fines, investigations up the wazoo.
And since the Greek Freak has been on the scene You cannot call yourself that.
There is no bonus for Compliance.
What about the other stuff? Extracurricular stuff I'm talking about the stuff in Bill's other garage.
Doesn't Ari get to wet his beak? Ohh.
I forgot about that That reminds me of where you were right before you decided to share that little brainstorm.
Fired.
Halfway out the door.
Three quarters.
Literally.
Dead to me.
No, your comp is getting your job back.
Getting to hiss and tinker with your little espresso erector set rather than pick through the Dumpster for your mangled steam wand.
- I see - If we were to do a little accounting of how much you meant to Axe Cap, we would first have to look at what you cost me by turning Wendy in.
The consequences of your "chaos grenade.
" Yeah.
To say nothing of the nightmare that you plunged her into, and the unthinkable acts I had to perform in order to set things right.
I mean dollars and cents alone.
The fines, the bonuses, the jet fuel to Nova Scotia, you owe me 1.
195 million dollars.
You know what? I don't think I need a comp meeting.
My My base is very generous, and I think we should just leave it right there.
That was the full Signor Roberto.
"The rent stays like before.
" Yeah.
That's the first comp meeting I've actually enjoyed.
You know, I'm tempted to fire the whole fucking lot of them.
Except maybe like two.
But someone has got to roll the coins up into those little sleeves.
Yeah.
Practically all they do.
Nah, you can't fire 'em, estro.
Right before the raise, it'll look like panic.
Like there's not enough grain to get everyone through the winter.
I know.
So I'm not doing it But, you know, when I'm sitting across the table from them and I see their hungry little mouths, they're people, sure, my people, and I love 'em most of the year.
But today, all I can see is their snapping fucking mouths, and instead of wanting to feed 'em, I just want to punch their teeth in.
The rest of them are scared to come in when I'm in here.
I clocked you going in about 20 minutes ago, I figured this was as close to a Beta state as I'll ever find you in.
Mm.
What then? You've got personnel problems.
That's what they'd all like you to think.
None of 'em are going anywhere.
I'm talking about one person in particular.
Taylor is about to get paid the same as James Harden.
- You think they can't get by on that? - It's not about money.
They keep demanding more of it.
Because you're not giving them what's more important than money.
So money is all that's left.
Well, I'm about to adopt the official policy of the United States and refuse to negotiate with terrorists.
You know that's bullshit, right? Our government negotiates with terrorists all the time.
Pays them with pallets full of hundreds.
But when they're captured, what breaks them, in places like Gitmo, isn't overt torture, it's a sense of disenfranchisement and purposelessness.
That's what I'm sowing? Here's the thing: with someone like Taylor, what they need is forward momentum, above all things, even money.
My recommendation: Take them to the raise.
I could say yes.
Why don't I want to say yes though? Because it's yet another fucking accommodation.
I got this rich so I could stop making them.
Gates plays dollar poker.
Buffett eats a drive in hamburger every day.
There's no amount of money that frees you from being a person, from interacting with others.
Those guys know that.
You know that.
It used to be an investment pitch entailed them begging you to take their money.
Now you've got to peddle your wares along with everyone else.
Like a fucking door to door Electrolux salesman.
Giving up trading, taking on Grigor, now paying your people out of your own pocket.
It must feel like death by a thousand cuts.
Yeah.
I'm at 999.
And I'm sticking.
You chose this person for a reason beyond their mathematical ability.
Taking on Taylor as a real partner isn't gonna kill you.
It may be the very thing that makes you stronger.
The head of TexasSouthCable likes to hire undocumented workers and pay them under the table.
Drivers, nannies, landscapers.
But this guy still spends weekends with Jock and his brother, Zeb.
Even if we manage to spook him, how can we make sure he doesn't run to Jock, who then treats us to our own personal My Lai Massacre.
The bloodshed and the cover-up.
That would be obstruction of justice.
Yes.
Yes, it would.
But that would not deter Jock in the slightest.
He recognizes no legal or moral authority, no justice but his own.
Keep looking for someone lower down: someone with the goods but without Jock in their speed dial.
We can't let him get word and stop our investigation before it starts.
What are we drinking? That is a complicated question here.
Bring me the closest thing you have to a Casamigos on the rocks.
Make that two.
And don't judge us for it.
Hmm.
So, you were right, my kid does need help.
He doesn't talk much, but when he does, I don't love the way it sounds.
I could give you the names of a couple of good people if you want.
But right now it's time to help your husband.
Ex, I mean.
Not easy to get used to.
No.
With what? Here you go.
You know what time of year it is.
Right, comp You were his secret weapon.
He gave me that much credit? I know you went through everybody with him.
Told him when he was being too soft When he was being an asshole.
He needs that.
Without it, without you, I think he's gonna make some big mistakes.
Then he's gonna make some big mistakes.
He doesn't want to hear that stuff from me anymore.
I'm sorry.
I'm not asking you as his wife or his ex, I'm asking you as the largest single investor in Axe Capital.
You're gonna want to do it for your own sake.
Hey You're not supposed to get the kids back until tomorrow.
They're sleeping.
Good.
Then fucking talk to me.
What are you thinking about comp? C'mon.
My money's at stake, too.
Yeah.
I'm taking care of your money.
I'm taking care of everything.
You taking care of Taylor, too? Wow.
Wendy.
Good move, well, she's earning her money.
And so is Taylor.
Aren't they? Are you ever coming to bed? I could try to sleep, but I know I won't.
I didn't want to keep you up.
I seem to have done that anyway.
Mm.
Jock? Yeah.
It's that.
Sure.
But more than that, it's still Ira.
I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.
You've reached Shakespearean levels of insomnia.
It's disorder in the house.
Ira is the brother I chose.
And this rift between us, however he fought back, I caused it.
I used him as an instrument, not thinking, not caring what I was taking from him.
And I know, deep down, if I were back there, I would do it again.
Every bit of this makes me feel like a - Shit heel.
- Indeed.
But now that Ira's in jeopardy, I have a chance to put things right.
To rescue him.
To be a hero.
If I pull it off, and make him well, does the reason really matter? Why can't you give Taylor what they want? Because it's too much.
And what they want can't be given.
It needs to be taken.
And what would you do if they tried to take it? Cut 'em down like I was Connor MacLeod.
What does it say that you always have to quote the damn Highlander? That I spent some time watching cable TV alone in high school.
And that I have pristine taste in movies, even back then.
Or, that you see every single challenge as a life or death contest to see who's gonna lose their head.
Well, kind of is from where I stand.
You really think I should give Taylor what they want? I think you should convince Taylor that you're partners.
I'm kind of surprised that you're taking their side.
You and I are on the exact same side.
They are on the other.
But I want them happy and earning.
Well, yeah.
Me too.
You sure? 'Cause you know how to keep somebody, and how to drive them the fuck away I know some people bail We're talking about Taylor.
- If you want Taylor gone - I don't want them gone.
So then give them more than what you want, even if it's less than what they want.
Quickly.
You're right.
You're always right about this stuff.
I'm right about a ton of stuff.
Not just this.
Thanks for coming over.
Stay.
C'mon, Bobby.
We're not gonna get sloppy, are we? No, I guess not.
I'll pick up the kids tomorrow.
Like the lawyers agreed.
Let's settle this.
You're a valued part of this place.
You've been effective in every meeting you weren't deliberately trying to sabotage.
Thank you.
And about the 50 million.
You can have half that.
I've never come up that far, never paid that much.
Now, okay, I know it's not exactly what you want.
But I've been giving it some thought, and I realize that what you really need is forward momentum, above all things, even money So I'm putting you on the raise team.
Fuckin' A.
Onward and upward.
There's gonna be 30 Bil on the table, get ready to help me haul it outta there.
Oh, I am ready.
Well, you may be the one person here who actually earns her bonus every single day on the job.
You saw Lara.
Because you did.
Thanks for that.
And for all of it.
Your Ice Juice profits, listed under someone else's account, they've been put back under your name.
And I doubled it.
So you can take your comp meeting off the books, you just had it.
He's in the library, waiting and stewing.
- Good.
- You didn't open it.
- Yeah.
I meant to, then I got - Oh, no, you gotta open it.
Oh, you are so right.
I won't wear it 'til we've got him.
Bad luck.
But once we do, yes, it's gonna be like Chris LeDoux came back to life in here.
Can't wait to see it.
Let's go.
Anthony Radaelli.
It's not quite what I pictured, but I guess she has a type.
Who does? Uh, Taiga, of course.
Oh.
So that's what this is about? Mm.
She is a key figure in this story.
In your story.
But not for long.
No, because you are gonna give her back all of her money, really her husband's money.
And then fuck off whence you came.
Yeah.
That's not gonna happen.
Taiga and I, we're a good fit.
I know.
You were seeing her before Ira.
Before her last boyfriend, too.
You just keep popping up in her life, suddenly when things are going well for her.
You're like that James Woods character in Casino.
Come to think of it, maybe just like James Woods.
Anyway, perhaps you think you're soul mates, maybe it's a scam.
Either way, you're gonna forget she ever existed.
Or I will summon the full power of my office to erase any and all meaning from your life.
Mm.
You wouldn't use your job like that.
Hmm.
Uh, do you know the expression Federal Case? As in, "Hey, bub, don't make a federal case out of it"? - I guess.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
Reason people say it is: because a federal case is the worst fucking thing there is.
State crimes, city violations, those can be defended, mitigated, fought.
Yeah.
And even if you do get convicted, you probably only serve a fraction of the time given, then you get off for good behavior, you get parole, maybe you never even have to go 'cause the jails are too crowded.
So you stay at home with a bracelet on your ankle, and you spend your day trying to convince the pizza delivery girl to give you a blowjob.
But, you see, there are no blowjobs in a federal case.
Mm.
Our conviction rate is 97 percent.
And there is no parole, either.
So you do the full time.
And that time is almost always exactly what the prosecutor, what I, recommend.
So I say to you, Anthony: Don't make this a federal case.
Ah, Jesus.
Oh, and whatever I do to you, I can do to anyone you gave any of that money to, like your family.
I really should take a closer look at them.
You're a real sonofabitch.
Oh.
A lot of people hate me.
Tell him why they hate me, Karl.
You're a real sonofabitch.
I am.
Especially when you've fucked with someone I care about.
Go away.
That was fun.
Just like how Janet Reno and I used to run it.
You think he'll really disappear? Like a fart in the wind on the Ponderosa.
Close the door.
How goes your data scrape? I met with IT, explained the sensitivity.
I've established a series of searches I can discreetly run on agents' messages.
If anything pings, I can widen out the search.
I'm sure the AG will eat that up with a camping spoon.
Maybe even put a letter in your file.
Isn't that why you made your move? To help rebuild your rep.
Maybe I did it to shield you.
So it wouldn't be your ass on the line.
Uh-huh.
Either way, don't be too zealous in finding wrongdoing here.
Jock's perch is many miles away.
But the people in this building, you gotta live with them every day.
My boy, my boy, my prodigal boy.
What more can I do for you? I'd like to use your apartment.
I know that Mom is in Palm Beach and I need some privacy.
You also had to know I'd ask why, so out with it.
I need a private place to meet with a young woman.
I appreciate that you're smart enough not to take this to a hotel, it's too public.
Even with things being the way they've been between us, I'm proud you know - you can always come to me.
- It's not really like that, - Dad.
- I've always said: monogamy is a form of socialism.
It's testosterone redistribution so a few bucks don't keep all the does to themselves.
I'm doing this for Ira.
I'm taking care of something that he can't take care of himself.
So it's not concupiscence, it's menschkeit.
I'm even prouder.
When is she due? Hour or so.
I could stay, in an advisory capacity No.
No.
Thank you, Dad, no, um, I just need the space.
Mm-hmm.
Taiga, I don't know you very well.
I didn't try to get to know you, and that's on me.
Perhaps I thought Ira would move on to someone more Substantial? Closer to his age bracket.
So I'm at a bit of a loss whether to appeal to your decency, your vanity, your avarice or just to your fear center.
Please.
Anthony returned the money, even got back the deposit on that apartment.
And now he's gone.
- You chased him off.
- I did.
And I can't say that you were wrong.
I'm embarrassed and ashamed and, yes, I am afraid of whatever you're gonna do next.
So congratulations.
Your fucked up tactics fucked me up.
This is a postnuptial agreement.
It entitles you to 50,000 dollars for every year you stay in the marriage.
Which means, all told, you'll be walking away with 50,000 dollars.
You don't need to read it.
I may play dirty, but I don't deal dirty.
Just sign it, take it to Ira, and then tell him that you're leaving, but that you wanted to do it with integrity.
I liked him.
And I really did try to love him.
Try harder.
- Dad - You give a marriage seven years before you even entertain - the notion of a divorce.
- Dad.
From the day the Dorsey Brothers showed that Presley boy swiveling his hips, there's been a slow but steady erosion of the family.
Well, here is how you keep one going: You find a group of friends better than you, find one worse, bitch about them to each other, and then when you're all bitched out, run ten miles a day.
Take your birth control pills and flush them; and make that kid your project together.
And if Ira doesn't know how to fuck you, you teach him.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm not done.
One more thing: give yourself the lime test.
You stick your finger in lime juice and put it up inside.
And if it stings, get yourself cleaned out.
Do not bring the clap home to your husband; it's uncivil.
That's what you meant by "advisor"? Ira doesn't want or need another divorce.
He needs a wife who's broken in.
And since he can't break her, I'll do it for him.
This is what's gonna make him happy.
And that's what you want, right, son? I've missed you, Dad.
Normally we go over your legal bill on the phone.
To avoid you know.
After today, I don't think I'm gonna be writing any fat checks for a while.
Plus, this year's tab, you outdid yourself.
Record-setting.
I knocked 30 percent off the hours before I even sent it to you.
Sure.
Of course you did, because you inflated 'em in the first place.
Ten million fucking dollars You're gonna haggle with me, after the victory I delivered? You delivered it? I seem to remember you encouraging me to tuck tail and take a plea.
Leaving me to figure out how to work miracles.
How much do you want to fucking pay? Not a penny over nine million.
You're doing this over a million dollars - Mm.
- A number that doesn't mean jack shit to you, but would mean the world to my firm and the dozen associates who worked all-nighters on your fucking case.
And yet you push and push.
Most people pick their spots.
- Well, I pick every spot.
- Of course.
You can't just engage, you've got to compete, you can't merely compete, you've got to win, and a win isn't a win unless it's a kill.
You want the fucking nine million or not? Fine.
Send it.
See ya soon.
There.
Ah.
Look at that porterhouse.
Dynamic duo.
Filet for me.
Strip for this guy.
Lovely.
Thank you.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Salt? Doesn't need it.
Three days seeing you in a row, Ira.
I like this new streak.
And I'm in better spirits than when we last spoke.
Mm-hmm? Taiga came home.
Did she? With the money.
And a postnup.
Well, you were right.
It all blew over.
She just needed to get it out of her system.
Thank you.
It's funny, the thing I was most afraid of, the thing that haunted me in the middle of the night, was Taiga finding some other guy.
Thought it would absolutely end me.
But the strange gift in all this mishegas, what it taught me.
Sometimes the worst thing happening isn't so bad.
I'm not saying I would have willed this on purpose, but do I sound crazy? No.
On the contrary.
Very wise, my friend.
Very wise.
Sacker, get us a meeting with the state Attorney General, Alvin Epstein.
What's the total? Same as last year.
To the raise.
Ahh.
Next year, when you've got 30 billion under management, you're gonna look back fondly on how little you paid today.
Actually I still have one comp meeting left.
Is it mine? I bet it's mine.
It is.
I know it's been a strange year for you, serving different masters, almost losing me Don't take me back there.
But through it all, you have been the bulwark that Axe Cap needs.
And so for this, I have a special present.
That's more like it.
Reach behind the couch.
Whoa.
Oh, it brings me back to childhood.
All the high-end nudity of a cadged Playboy, but with sophistication, and that certain je Ne sais quoi of the French.
Oh, and your bonus is the age you were when you first discovered that magazine.
Pains me to take from your personal vault but nine million feels good.
Where did you find these? I can't believe you kept all of Dad's crap.
Yeah, well, at first I thought he was coming back.
And then I was afraid he'd come back.
Then when I realized he wasn't I thought it'd be petty to toss everything.
So I didn't want to give him that power.
Yeah? So you asserted yourself by spending 34 years storing and toting all his stuff.
Your father was your first great enemy.
Yeah, well, if you abandon your kid, that's what you get.
Found it.
You know, you hated him long before that.
The way you used to take the fight to each other.
I used to like the way you were such a fighter.
I'll admit that I didn't love when you tried to take the fight to me, though.
That was a fucking mistake.
I maybe should have told you not to talk like that when you were a kid.
I think I still would have.
Sure.
But you also would have had a little voice in the back of your head telling you not to.
Do you have that voice? At all? So, come on.
Where? Just came across them.
Hmm.
Oliver.
Solid whiskers.
Gets me into the professorial mindset.
Mm.
You enjoying the teaching? When you know the practice is that different from the letter and the spirit You feel like you're lying to them.
Telling the truth is worse.
We don't need lawyers pre-jaded.
Hmm.
At least the, uh the wife is happy to have me home.
Yeah.
So What I couldn't say on the phone there is an FBI agent I know who did an opp for Chuck.
Off the books.
The agent told you about it? Mnh-mnh.
Found another way in.
Hmm.
I don't know where this ends, but I have a start.
You're trying to convince me to help you go after Chuck.
No.
I'm giving you a chance to convince me.
Why'd you let yourself get led astray? Why'd you protect Chuck? Why did you? I believed in him.
I didn't believe in myself.
But I believe he must be stopped.
You said you had the cloak and wanted me to provide the dagger.
No idea what that means, but it got me here.
I want you to launch an investigation into Jock Jeffcoat's brother and TexasSouthCable.
Based on what? Based on this.
This is Ashley Cutler.
This is unusable.
Weak witness.
Yeah.
So no actual deployable evidence.
None to speak of.
No.
We know that our witness, Mr.
Cutler, isn't strong enough to win Case A, but we're not trying to win Case A.
No.
We're gonna get Jock on trying to stop it.
- Ah.
- So, in the end, the case you'll be bringing is: obstruction of justice.
Against the Attorney General of the United States.
Right now you're just the Attorney General of New York state, Mr.
Epstein.
But to be the man you gotta beat the man.
After you topple someone of Jock's stature you'll be the motherfucking man.
Nothing makes me feel so alive as putting my head in a tiger's mouth.
Right up until the moment the tiger snaps his jaws shut.
But we will be there with chairs and whips at the ready.
You sure he'll come? The three of us, we'll cause him to.
I was sweating over the worst possible thing that could happen, which was Jock finding out what I've been up to and stopping it.
And then I realized what if the worst thing did happen? What if we made it so? Rather than worry about Jock obstructing, we're gonna invite it.
- Bait it.
- Your part is simple.
Proceed as usual.
Try to keep everything a secret.
- The great impossibility.
- Right.
And once Jock knows you're coming for his brother, he will realize that eventually it will come back to him.
And before he can let that happen He'll try to get to Cutler, to shut him up and shut it all down.
And that's what we'll get him on.
It's ready.
It's fucking ready.
Don't tell me it's not ready.
It's ready.
It's like a Trident missile in launch mode.
You sell Axe on deploying this, he becomes state of the art.
He takes human decision making, that fallibility, out of the game.
And he starts moving in micro-seconds.
We go live in a week.
Good work.
It looks like you're ready to get into business.
I need a meeting with your boss, Grigor Andolov.
You have a problem.
I will make your problem disappear.
Jesus Christ.
What do you want? - I've got him.
- What do you think you know? If the endgame is coming I say bring it on.
If I were to engage on your behalf I'd expect something in return.
Would you, now? - What is your objective? - Total destruction.
There always have been rumors as to the way he earned it.
You are willing to testify Jock Jeffcoat profited along with his brother? I know he does.
We're doing a massive cap raise.
Welcome to the new quant headquarters.
He fired you.
I was fodder.
Don't try to tell me different.
So, is it prison or start talking? Let's do this.
Who the hell gave you permission to talk to my son.
Good thing is there's no paperwork.
Off the books.
The Chuck Rhoades Special.
Your best friend sold you down the river for nothing.
I'm willing to pay you 30 million to tell the truth.
But I sure as hell will testify about what Chuck Rhoades did.
You sold out my relationship.
No, no.
You did.
That's why you told me he was at your dinner.
I can't believe you brought me here.
Thank you.
I was surprised to learn the viral videos so afflicted you.
Oh.
They don't usually but I mean - Oh, my God.
- Oh! You know we could just order the tomahawk and have him do his whole thing here at the table.
Uh, no.
I'm all right looking at the eclipse through the cereal box.
Ah, well, well, well.
How'd it go? Bought you a present, had it sent straight to the office.
Well, I hope that's not all you've brought me.
Texas is a bizarro world.
Jock Jeffcoat's a pariah at Zabar's but he's the second coming on the 29th parallel.
So you weren't able to substantiate what we know the brother, the cable company.
We have embarked on a one-way mission here.
We either get to the other side and line dance on Jock's grave or he will most assuredly be doing the Tush Push on ours.
Anybody who knew anything wasn't willing to go on the record, and anyone willing to go on the record didn't know anything.
I'm sorry, Chuck.
You know what's printed above the Rhoades family crest: "Never say sorry.
"Make the other fella sorry first.
" Can you do that? Will you do that? I will.
Reach out to people you feel dirty talking to, employ tactics you wouldn't confess even to a priest, and find a way to crack someone inside the cable company.
Because we cannot build a case on the word of a confessed liar like Cutler.
Yeah.
On it.
Yep.
Dream of you What a wicked thing to say Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Be right back.
What a wicked thing to do Excuse me.
To make me dream of you And I Don't want to fall in love Well.
Look at you, fat and happy, taking down the Cadillac of steaks.
Well, you must have made a nasty nickel selling me out.
Fucking right I did.
Why didn't you come to me? You could have come to me.
Ah.
You're married.
To Taiga.
Of course to Taiga.
Who was the best man? There wasn't one.
- Come on.
- Shapiro.
Oh.
Shit Really? I'm sorry you could only to do it at 50 percent of my weddings.
Wouldn't have made you Cal Ripken, but it would have been nice to keep the streak going.
I whopped you a good one.
And you whopped me a good one.
I don't believe in even, but, uh, maybe, we're even.
Maybe we are.
So where is your bride? Uh, Taiga's out of town.
Visiting family.
Hmm.
So you're a bachelor for the evening.
- Boys' night out.
- Not quite.
This is work.
That guy's on the board of Doesn't matter.
Just I'm trying to impress him, build my book.
Making it monsoon? Just trying to keep my head above the flood waters.
Taiga's expensive.
She decided to start a Yoga empire.
SoulCycle, but Mm.
For yoga.
Mm.
And of course you supported her.
It's who you are.
But how deep are you in? Deep and descending.
Location problems, design problems, all kinds of hypoallergenic? Stuff that makes my eyes glaze over.
- Sorry to hear that.
- It'll all be fine.
As soon as we get the first location open and have some money coming in instead of just going out Right.
Of course.
Of course.
Uh, well.
My best to Mrs.
Schirmer.
And it's good to see you, Ira.
Where are the others? They left a while ago.
They didn't contact you? To say? Uh They quit.
What happened? Well, they're hacks and lame.
Did they quit because you called them hacks and lame? You backslid into being a dick.
Fine.
Yes.
Big time.
You know what? Those other two were sweet, but you're more talented.
I need you.
Damn right you do.
'Cause I'm the Yngwie Malmsteen of coding, total control of the instrument Sad.
Look, I need you to model something for me.
If we give the algo an extra 20 billion to play with can it reliably generate returns in excess of eight percent? If so, how soon? How reliably? And can any other funds do the same? Wait, this isn't some T test.
This is something you'd pitch an investor.
Problem is: Bridgewater would have 50 PhDs writing software on this.
Molly Hatchet had three guitarists.
Rising Force had one.
Are you going to tell me you can't play this solo? Of course not.
I'm sure we'll go faster without the dead weight - Whoops - You're working alone now, act however you want.
Take me to the fucking Regency.
Thanks.
Excuse me one second.
- Hey, Axe.
How are you, man? - Hey.
I don't think we knew you were coming.
Just give us a second, and we're gonna have your table.
- Nah.
No need, JT.
- Okay.
Enjoy.
Thanks.
- Hey, Axe.
- Hey, Lizzie.
Ah, fuck, Axe.
Can't you skip a year? I could.
But what fucking fun would that be? I'm Martin Carlisle.
Who you are is a witness to this year's edition of Fuck Ups Fucking Up.
Today, at Axe Cap, it's comp day.
And so, as always, I'm reminded of the best day of my life.
The day that this man, Bill McGann of McGann Commodities, told me I didn't have enough Blarney in me.
What he meant was: I didn't kiss enough ass.
I meant you didn't have a soul.
And so, by means of instruction, he wasn't gonna bonus me right.
He shorted me by 50,000.
Hey, I can leave you two to Stay.
I'm leaving.
So, here I am, as I am every year, to thank you.
And to buy you breakfast.
Just think.
If I'd stayed, you maybe could have owned this hotel.
Least I can do is get your check.
Right before I engage in the very same rumble that left you knifed and bleeding in the schoolyard.
You're about the same age I was back then.
You've had a good run, kid.
But you can't stay clear of the switchblades forever.
You're not a Greaser anymore, Axe, you're a Soc now Do you want to lean down or bulk up? Because either way, suck my dick.
Is this how one runs a service business? Whatever I'm doing, it seems to be working.
Because I invested in one.
And now I got five.
Ah.
Some guys just stumble into money.
Like Leonard Cohen into the Chelsea Hotel.
Mm.
You're looking good, sweetheart.
Thanks.
Do you have any idea what it takes to make the pivot I did? This is my lifeblood now.
I built it to where there are guys who would help me take it public if I wasn't a fucking felon.
In your estimation, that's my fault? You went after Axe.
On the way you went after Dollar Bill Stearn.
You didn't get any of them except for me.
Because I surrendered.
Thank you.
That was convenient.
And it shows a remarkable sense of personal responsibility.
Oh, I'd be glad to speak of that to judges and clerks and probation officers to get your record sanded clean.
And in return you want I do want.
Help me investigate a money trail.
Don't you have all your boys with windbreakers to do that for you? This is of a more personal nature.
Very few are as expert as you at disguising and veiling and hiding money.
I'm a man of many talents.
And it's in your field, fitness.
Let me call you back.
Shit.
This is chilling.
Does he always do this at comp? To a degree.
This is special.
What's the mood down there? They've got that lean and hungry look.
Like to leave 'em that way.
Let the hunger set in.
Starvation, in small doses, triggers an increase in energy, clarity, aggression Right up until it kills you.
You gotta feed 'em something.
Why? I make the decisions, do all the heavy-lifting, actually earn the money.
Mortimer Duke said it best: No getting around the old minimum wage.
Actually, that was said to Mortimer Duke, but that's a helluva pull.
The thing is: most years, I'm paying with other people's money.
Now it's my own money.
That reminds me of a prayer I said every night as a kid: "And now I lay me down to sleep, "I pray the Lord my soul to keep, "and if I die before I wake, "I pray that all my toys should break.
" So my fucking brother and sister can't play with 'em.
Why don't you just delay comp decisions until after the raise? Outside money will be back on board, you'll feel better about the whole thing.
Three things in life you can't postpone without dire consequences: calling a doctor when gutshot, finding a toilet when traveling in India, and paying your people.
The last two being more or less the same.
Listen.
Don't think the raise isn't the thing; it's the only thing.
Without that money, I'm not bonusing people, I'm putting them out on an ice floe.
Okay.
Then I just want to make sure you're aware of a promise I made to everyone while you were gone: No one makes less than last year.
That's why they stayed.
I am aware that that was your promise.
Anyone you think deserves more? - No.
- Not even Ben Kim? Kid's practically your gimp.
I think he's ready to move to PM.
I could see that.
Then let the promotion be his bonus this year.
Too much too fast could overwhelm him.
Has it overwhelmed you? Looks like you're up.
Let's move over to the desk.
- You talk to Lara? - Mnh-mnh.
Be bold.
Check in with me later.
First time in the ring without training in Catskill with Cus.
You ready? Yeah.
I got my Kevin Rooney.
I'll be fine.
Fifteen million dollars.
You aren't going to start with a performance review or Helluva year.
Fifteen.
- I was thinking 50.
- How'd you get there? Axe Cap made 929 million this year.
When you account for expenses, nets to almost 700.
Seeing as how I ran the place for most of that time, less than one-tenth of the profits seems more than fair.
Might be.
But then again, I was the client.
So you're kind of comparing apples to my money.
I did more than just run your money.
I kept us alive.
I killed it at the Idea Dinner.
I convinced the Street that night, and every day since, that there was always someone at the helm.
I got us through a natural disaster.
I all but closed Kansas City before Ben Kim went Thunder From Down Under on them.
And let's not forget that I was key in making up the shortfall from Grigor's redemption, at great personal cost.
Still sore about Oscar? Yet here I am, still ready to help lock down the raise.
About that.
No, you're not.
I don't actually need you in the pitches.
For one thing, you bombed your first raise meeting, with Grigor's lieutenant, bombed it on purpose.
And for another: the investors need to know that you're here at Axe Cap, that someone's "always at the helm.
" Besides the raise is my thing.
I'm thinking that the final number will be something just shy of half of what you're looking for.
- I don't agree.
- This isn't heavy petting on the Oberlin campus: we don't both have to agree.
I say what it is.
You take it.
Yes, that is so.
But still.
I don't accept.
I never made that much at your age.
I've accomplished more than you had.
But you don't have your own shop.
If you were ready for that, we wouldn't be having this conversation, I'd be looking at a Taylor-shaped hole in the wall.
Twenty is as much as anybody's ever gotten out of me.
Learn to be rich on that.
And I was beginning to think you were done teaching me.
Let's finish this later.
I'd like half a million.
You just got here.
Your signing bonus is your comp.
I didn't say I deserved half a million.
But you rarely get what you don't ask for.
So I'm fucking asking.
Otherwise, why are we doing this? We've never talked one-on-one.
I wanted to get a hit off of you.
I hit like the Purple People Eaters.
So be careful what you wish for.
Oh.
This is gonna be fun.
I believe I've proved my value.
Don't need to justify a thing to you at this point.
Oooh, working stiff.
Just like your personal totem, The Undertaker.
Do you have people feeding you this shit about us ahead of time? Thing is, for the last couple of weeks, I haven't really felt your presence.
You saying I've been coasting.
I'm saying there's no garbage time at Axe Capital.
Every minute of every quarter matters.
No scrubs get playing time.
And even if you are my MVP at the All-Star break, if you stop performing, you will be replaced.
Pay me what you're gonna pay me.
Save the pep talks for someone who needs 'em.
I think I like that version of you.
But I could hate it another time.
Ok.
What you did with the Wendy thing aside, and it's hard to put it aside, I'm paying you 1.
3, a personal record.
On top of your other bonus that's more than a two-ball for this year.
But that is not a repeatable trick.
When we're here 12 months from now, if you're not still bodyslamming like uh King Kong Bundy Did you pretend not to remember that to make me feel good? Goodbye Mafee.
I think I should not throw out the first number, because I have a tendency to undervalue myself.
I'd like to make you a PM.
Portfolio Manager? I would have gone Prime Minister, but there you go, undervaluing.
- And the money? - Meet the new salary, same as the old salary.
I'm a PM.
I've asked my special counsel, Bryan Connerty, to sit in.
We meet again, young man.
The Axelrod case.
Yeah.
That thing was like cleaning out intestines before you eat 'em, a giant fucking waste of time.
But I'm here to speak of something more concerning.
It has come to my attention that there are men and probably women, within the Federal B-I, perhaps even within this very office, who are undermining our sacred purpose.
- Which is - I don't know if it's some Deep State bullshit, or just some vigilantes who think they know better, leaking to the press, and causing Lord knows what other ruckus.
I will keep a lookout for what the Lord knows.
The Lord knows all, madam.
Took care of that for you.
As for the rest, I want a hard-target search of every e-mail, text message, and online footprint so we know who's trustworthy and who needs to be purged.
I'm just not sure it's strictly legal for us to undertake this ourselves, or if it's too gray of an area.
Maybe it would be best to have a court order first We can do it.
And if you want to stay out of the deep gray, Director Lynch, I can lead the review myself.
You know, chart a a whiter shade of pale.
Impressive.
All too often I am told of obstacles and regulations when what I really wanna hear is "sÃ, Se puede" Ira, uh, this is Pete Decker.
He's in the health and conditioning industry.
Is this a bailout? More like an intervention.
Tell him what you told me, Pete.
"The bitch is a booster.
The bitch is a born thief.
" You talking about my wife? You looked into her? She needed looking into, so I looked.
Go on.
Her business is well, there is no business.
Everything you gave her was transferred into the account of her supposed business partner, Anthony Radaelli.
I assume they, you know Thank you.
Do right by me, Chuck.
My middle name.
I know this is hard to hear.
The commercial property she told you she plunked down on, that doesn't exist either.
But there's an apartment, a very expensive apartment, they're about to close on.
I'm sorry.
Yeah You knew.
Yeah.
Some.
The rest I suspected.
Oh, boy.
To carry that around Fucking kills me.
But, uh, you know, Chuck, I know you're only trying to help, but please stay out of it.
It's, um There's no prenup.
And New York's a no-fault state.
And I'd be halved financially.
There's no prenup? Oh, Ira, you're a fucking lawyer.
For once I didn't want to be.
I wanted to be a romantic.
- Mm.
- I still do.
I gave up on a marriage once.
I've regretted it every day since.
I'm not giving up this time.
It'll blow over.
She's young.
It's a last hurrah.
You know, she'll get whatever it is out of her system and then then she'll come home.
I really have to watch what I tell you.
It's like you're listening to every word.
Especially when you start talking about hiding out in bathtubs.
And places that remind you of what that felt like.
I wasn't hiding.
It's just that when I was younger the bathtub was the only place I could go to be alone and think.
I'd press myself against the sides so hard eventually my legs would go numb.
Then I'd start thinking I didn't have legs, and I'd wish for fins.
Because then not fitting in would make more sense.
I get it.
I almost feel like a mermaid here.
Comp didn't go the way you wanted.
He said I was off the raise team.
Is he punishing me for doing exactly what he asked of me? Axe doesn't punish people.
Unless they've wronged him.
Or Lara.
Or his kids.
Or me.
Or the New York Football Giants.
I won't stagnate.
Not for Axe.
Not for anybody.
You know Axe has never changed a comp decision.
So I've heard.
And I might be able to live with the number he can live with.
But what I need is forward momentum, above all things, even money.
Yes.
You do.
I'll talk to him.
Give me a day.
Kvankam.
Although.
Pensis.
Thought.
Comp.
Kompenso.
So you're not here to help me with my Esperanto.
I haven't had my comp meeting scheduled yet.
Must be an oversight.
Must be.
Axe, you remember Ari Spyros.
Works down in Compliance.
Uh.
Rings a bell.
But like children of the 1800s, seen and not heard.
And not even seen, you know? Spyros was concerned that his comp meeting wasn't on the books.
I am sure it's an oversight.
Was it an oversight? Compliance does not get performance-related comp.
- Oh.
- Sure.
Usually.
But Compliance doesn't usually turn around a shop overnight.
But before I got here this place was dirtier than the porta potty outside a third-rate donkey show.
Arrests, fines, investigations up the wazoo.
And since the Greek Freak has been on the scene You cannot call yourself that.
There is no bonus for Compliance.
What about the other stuff? Extracurricular stuff I'm talking about the stuff in Bill's other garage.
Doesn't Ari get to wet his beak? Ohh.
I forgot about that That reminds me of where you were right before you decided to share that little brainstorm.
Fired.
Halfway out the door.
Three quarters.
Literally.
Dead to me.
No, your comp is getting your job back.
Getting to hiss and tinker with your little espresso erector set rather than pick through the Dumpster for your mangled steam wand.
- I see - If we were to do a little accounting of how much you meant to Axe Cap, we would first have to look at what you cost me by turning Wendy in.
The consequences of your "chaos grenade.
" Yeah.
To say nothing of the nightmare that you plunged her into, and the unthinkable acts I had to perform in order to set things right.
I mean dollars and cents alone.
The fines, the bonuses, the jet fuel to Nova Scotia, you owe me 1.
195 million dollars.
You know what? I don't think I need a comp meeting.
My My base is very generous, and I think we should just leave it right there.
That was the full Signor Roberto.
"The rent stays like before.
" Yeah.
That's the first comp meeting I've actually enjoyed.
You know, I'm tempted to fire the whole fucking lot of them.
Except maybe like two.
But someone has got to roll the coins up into those little sleeves.
Yeah.
Practically all they do.
Nah, you can't fire 'em, estro.
Right before the raise, it'll look like panic.
Like there's not enough grain to get everyone through the winter.
I know.
So I'm not doing it But, you know, when I'm sitting across the table from them and I see their hungry little mouths, they're people, sure, my people, and I love 'em most of the year.
But today, all I can see is their snapping fucking mouths, and instead of wanting to feed 'em, I just want to punch their teeth in.
The rest of them are scared to come in when I'm in here.
I clocked you going in about 20 minutes ago, I figured this was as close to a Beta state as I'll ever find you in.
Mm.
What then? You've got personnel problems.
That's what they'd all like you to think.
None of 'em are going anywhere.
I'm talking about one person in particular.
Taylor is about to get paid the same as James Harden.
- You think they can't get by on that? - It's not about money.
They keep demanding more of it.
Because you're not giving them what's more important than money.
So money is all that's left.
Well, I'm about to adopt the official policy of the United States and refuse to negotiate with terrorists.
You know that's bullshit, right? Our government negotiates with terrorists all the time.
Pays them with pallets full of hundreds.
But when they're captured, what breaks them, in places like Gitmo, isn't overt torture, it's a sense of disenfranchisement and purposelessness.
That's what I'm sowing? Here's the thing: with someone like Taylor, what they need is forward momentum, above all things, even money.
My recommendation: Take them to the raise.
I could say yes.
Why don't I want to say yes though? Because it's yet another fucking accommodation.
I got this rich so I could stop making them.
Gates plays dollar poker.
Buffett eats a drive in hamburger every day.
There's no amount of money that frees you from being a person, from interacting with others.
Those guys know that.
You know that.
It used to be an investment pitch entailed them begging you to take their money.
Now you've got to peddle your wares along with everyone else.
Like a fucking door to door Electrolux salesman.
Giving up trading, taking on Grigor, now paying your people out of your own pocket.
It must feel like death by a thousand cuts.
Yeah.
I'm at 999.
And I'm sticking.
You chose this person for a reason beyond their mathematical ability.
Taking on Taylor as a real partner isn't gonna kill you.
It may be the very thing that makes you stronger.
The head of TexasSouthCable likes to hire undocumented workers and pay them under the table.
Drivers, nannies, landscapers.
But this guy still spends weekends with Jock and his brother, Zeb.
Even if we manage to spook him, how can we make sure he doesn't run to Jock, who then treats us to our own personal My Lai Massacre.
The bloodshed and the cover-up.
That would be obstruction of justice.
Yes.
Yes, it would.
But that would not deter Jock in the slightest.
He recognizes no legal or moral authority, no justice but his own.
Keep looking for someone lower down: someone with the goods but without Jock in their speed dial.
We can't let him get word and stop our investigation before it starts.
What are we drinking? That is a complicated question here.
Bring me the closest thing you have to a Casamigos on the rocks.
Make that two.
And don't judge us for it.
Hmm.
So, you were right, my kid does need help.
He doesn't talk much, but when he does, I don't love the way it sounds.
I could give you the names of a couple of good people if you want.
But right now it's time to help your husband.
Ex, I mean.
Not easy to get used to.
No.
With what? Here you go.
You know what time of year it is.
Right, comp You were his secret weapon.
He gave me that much credit? I know you went through everybody with him.
Told him when he was being too soft When he was being an asshole.
He needs that.
Without it, without you, I think he's gonna make some big mistakes.
Then he's gonna make some big mistakes.
He doesn't want to hear that stuff from me anymore.
I'm sorry.
I'm not asking you as his wife or his ex, I'm asking you as the largest single investor in Axe Capital.
You're gonna want to do it for your own sake.
Hey You're not supposed to get the kids back until tomorrow.
They're sleeping.
Good.
Then fucking talk to me.
What are you thinking about comp? C'mon.
My money's at stake, too.
Yeah.
I'm taking care of your money.
I'm taking care of everything.
You taking care of Taylor, too? Wow.
Wendy.
Good move, well, she's earning her money.
And so is Taylor.
Aren't they? Are you ever coming to bed? I could try to sleep, but I know I won't.
I didn't want to keep you up.
I seem to have done that anyway.
Mm.
Jock? Yeah.
It's that.
Sure.
But more than that, it's still Ira.
I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.
You've reached Shakespearean levels of insomnia.
It's disorder in the house.
Ira is the brother I chose.
And this rift between us, however he fought back, I caused it.
I used him as an instrument, not thinking, not caring what I was taking from him.
And I know, deep down, if I were back there, I would do it again.
Every bit of this makes me feel like a - Shit heel.
- Indeed.
But now that Ira's in jeopardy, I have a chance to put things right.
To rescue him.
To be a hero.
If I pull it off, and make him well, does the reason really matter? Why can't you give Taylor what they want? Because it's too much.
And what they want can't be given.
It needs to be taken.
And what would you do if they tried to take it? Cut 'em down like I was Connor MacLeod.
What does it say that you always have to quote the damn Highlander? That I spent some time watching cable TV alone in high school.
And that I have pristine taste in movies, even back then.
Or, that you see every single challenge as a life or death contest to see who's gonna lose their head.
Well, kind of is from where I stand.
You really think I should give Taylor what they want? I think you should convince Taylor that you're partners.
I'm kind of surprised that you're taking their side.
You and I are on the exact same side.
They are on the other.
But I want them happy and earning.
Well, yeah.
Me too.
You sure? 'Cause you know how to keep somebody, and how to drive them the fuck away I know some people bail We're talking about Taylor.
- If you want Taylor gone - I don't want them gone.
So then give them more than what you want, even if it's less than what they want.
Quickly.
You're right.
You're always right about this stuff.
I'm right about a ton of stuff.
Not just this.
Thanks for coming over.
Stay.
C'mon, Bobby.
We're not gonna get sloppy, are we? No, I guess not.
I'll pick up the kids tomorrow.
Like the lawyers agreed.
Let's settle this.
You're a valued part of this place.
You've been effective in every meeting you weren't deliberately trying to sabotage.
Thank you.
And about the 50 million.
You can have half that.
I've never come up that far, never paid that much.
Now, okay, I know it's not exactly what you want.
But I've been giving it some thought, and I realize that what you really need is forward momentum, above all things, even money So I'm putting you on the raise team.
Fuckin' A.
Onward and upward.
There's gonna be 30 Bil on the table, get ready to help me haul it outta there.
Oh, I am ready.
Well, you may be the one person here who actually earns her bonus every single day on the job.
You saw Lara.
Because you did.
Thanks for that.
And for all of it.
Your Ice Juice profits, listed under someone else's account, they've been put back under your name.
And I doubled it.
So you can take your comp meeting off the books, you just had it.
He's in the library, waiting and stewing.
- Good.
- You didn't open it.
- Yeah.
I meant to, then I got - Oh, no, you gotta open it.
Oh, you are so right.
I won't wear it 'til we've got him.
Bad luck.
But once we do, yes, it's gonna be like Chris LeDoux came back to life in here.
Can't wait to see it.
Let's go.
Anthony Radaelli.
It's not quite what I pictured, but I guess she has a type.
Who does? Uh, Taiga, of course.
Oh.
So that's what this is about? Mm.
She is a key figure in this story.
In your story.
But not for long.
No, because you are gonna give her back all of her money, really her husband's money.
And then fuck off whence you came.
Yeah.
That's not gonna happen.
Taiga and I, we're a good fit.
I know.
You were seeing her before Ira.
Before her last boyfriend, too.
You just keep popping up in her life, suddenly when things are going well for her.
You're like that James Woods character in Casino.
Come to think of it, maybe just like James Woods.
Anyway, perhaps you think you're soul mates, maybe it's a scam.
Either way, you're gonna forget she ever existed.
Or I will summon the full power of my office to erase any and all meaning from your life.
Mm.
You wouldn't use your job like that.
Hmm.
Uh, do you know the expression Federal Case? As in, "Hey, bub, don't make a federal case out of it"? - I guess.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
Reason people say it is: because a federal case is the worst fucking thing there is.
State crimes, city violations, those can be defended, mitigated, fought.
Yeah.
And even if you do get convicted, you probably only serve a fraction of the time given, then you get off for good behavior, you get parole, maybe you never even have to go 'cause the jails are too crowded.
So you stay at home with a bracelet on your ankle, and you spend your day trying to convince the pizza delivery girl to give you a blowjob.
But, you see, there are no blowjobs in a federal case.
Mm.
Our conviction rate is 97 percent.
And there is no parole, either.
So you do the full time.
And that time is almost always exactly what the prosecutor, what I, recommend.
So I say to you, Anthony: Don't make this a federal case.
Ah, Jesus.
Oh, and whatever I do to you, I can do to anyone you gave any of that money to, like your family.
I really should take a closer look at them.
You're a real sonofabitch.
Oh.
A lot of people hate me.
Tell him why they hate me, Karl.
You're a real sonofabitch.
I am.
Especially when you've fucked with someone I care about.
Go away.
That was fun.
Just like how Janet Reno and I used to run it.
You think he'll really disappear? Like a fart in the wind on the Ponderosa.
Close the door.
How goes your data scrape? I met with IT, explained the sensitivity.
I've established a series of searches I can discreetly run on agents' messages.
If anything pings, I can widen out the search.
I'm sure the AG will eat that up with a camping spoon.
Maybe even put a letter in your file.
Isn't that why you made your move? To help rebuild your rep.
Maybe I did it to shield you.
So it wouldn't be your ass on the line.
Uh-huh.
Either way, don't be too zealous in finding wrongdoing here.
Jock's perch is many miles away.
But the people in this building, you gotta live with them every day.
My boy, my boy, my prodigal boy.
What more can I do for you? I'd like to use your apartment.
I know that Mom is in Palm Beach and I need some privacy.
You also had to know I'd ask why, so out with it.
I need a private place to meet with a young woman.
I appreciate that you're smart enough not to take this to a hotel, it's too public.
Even with things being the way they've been between us, I'm proud you know - you can always come to me.
- It's not really like that, - Dad.
- I've always said: monogamy is a form of socialism.
It's testosterone redistribution so a few bucks don't keep all the does to themselves.
I'm doing this for Ira.
I'm taking care of something that he can't take care of himself.
So it's not concupiscence, it's menschkeit.
I'm even prouder.
When is she due? Hour or so.
I could stay, in an advisory capacity No.
No.
Thank you, Dad, no, um, I just need the space.
Mm-hmm.
Taiga, I don't know you very well.
I didn't try to get to know you, and that's on me.
Perhaps I thought Ira would move on to someone more Substantial? Closer to his age bracket.
So I'm at a bit of a loss whether to appeal to your decency, your vanity, your avarice or just to your fear center.
Please.
Anthony returned the money, even got back the deposit on that apartment.
And now he's gone.
- You chased him off.
- I did.
And I can't say that you were wrong.
I'm embarrassed and ashamed and, yes, I am afraid of whatever you're gonna do next.
So congratulations.
Your fucked up tactics fucked me up.
This is a postnuptial agreement.
It entitles you to 50,000 dollars for every year you stay in the marriage.
Which means, all told, you'll be walking away with 50,000 dollars.
You don't need to read it.
I may play dirty, but I don't deal dirty.
Just sign it, take it to Ira, and then tell him that you're leaving, but that you wanted to do it with integrity.
I liked him.
And I really did try to love him.
Try harder.
- Dad - You give a marriage seven years before you even entertain - the notion of a divorce.
- Dad.
From the day the Dorsey Brothers showed that Presley boy swiveling his hips, there's been a slow but steady erosion of the family.
Well, here is how you keep one going: You find a group of friends better than you, find one worse, bitch about them to each other, and then when you're all bitched out, run ten miles a day.
Take your birth control pills and flush them; and make that kid your project together.
And if Ira doesn't know how to fuck you, you teach him.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm not done.
One more thing: give yourself the lime test.
You stick your finger in lime juice and put it up inside.
And if it stings, get yourself cleaned out.
Do not bring the clap home to your husband; it's uncivil.
That's what you meant by "advisor"? Ira doesn't want or need another divorce.
He needs a wife who's broken in.
And since he can't break her, I'll do it for him.
This is what's gonna make him happy.
And that's what you want, right, son? I've missed you, Dad.
Normally we go over your legal bill on the phone.
To avoid you know.
After today, I don't think I'm gonna be writing any fat checks for a while.
Plus, this year's tab, you outdid yourself.
Record-setting.
I knocked 30 percent off the hours before I even sent it to you.
Sure.
Of course you did, because you inflated 'em in the first place.
Ten million fucking dollars You're gonna haggle with me, after the victory I delivered? You delivered it? I seem to remember you encouraging me to tuck tail and take a plea.
Leaving me to figure out how to work miracles.
How much do you want to fucking pay? Not a penny over nine million.
You're doing this over a million dollars - Mm.
- A number that doesn't mean jack shit to you, but would mean the world to my firm and the dozen associates who worked all-nighters on your fucking case.
And yet you push and push.
Most people pick their spots.
- Well, I pick every spot.
- Of course.
You can't just engage, you've got to compete, you can't merely compete, you've got to win, and a win isn't a win unless it's a kill.
You want the fucking nine million or not? Fine.
Send it.
See ya soon.
There.
Ah.
Look at that porterhouse.
Dynamic duo.
Filet for me.
Strip for this guy.
Lovely.
Thank you.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Salt? Doesn't need it.
Three days seeing you in a row, Ira.
I like this new streak.
And I'm in better spirits than when we last spoke.
Mm-hmm? Taiga came home.
Did she? With the money.
And a postnup.
Well, you were right.
It all blew over.
She just needed to get it out of her system.
Thank you.
It's funny, the thing I was most afraid of, the thing that haunted me in the middle of the night, was Taiga finding some other guy.
Thought it would absolutely end me.
But the strange gift in all this mishegas, what it taught me.
Sometimes the worst thing happening isn't so bad.
I'm not saying I would have willed this on purpose, but do I sound crazy? No.
On the contrary.
Very wise, my friend.
Very wise.
Sacker, get us a meeting with the state Attorney General, Alvin Epstein.
What's the total? Same as last year.
To the raise.
Ahh.
Next year, when you've got 30 billion under management, you're gonna look back fondly on how little you paid today.
Actually I still have one comp meeting left.
Is it mine? I bet it's mine.
It is.
I know it's been a strange year for you, serving different masters, almost losing me Don't take me back there.
But through it all, you have been the bulwark that Axe Cap needs.
And so for this, I have a special present.
That's more like it.
Reach behind the couch.
Whoa.
Oh, it brings me back to childhood.
All the high-end nudity of a cadged Playboy, but with sophistication, and that certain je Ne sais quoi of the French.
Oh, and your bonus is the age you were when you first discovered that magazine.
Pains me to take from your personal vault but nine million feels good.
Where did you find these? I can't believe you kept all of Dad's crap.
Yeah, well, at first I thought he was coming back.
And then I was afraid he'd come back.
Then when I realized he wasn't I thought it'd be petty to toss everything.
So I didn't want to give him that power.
Yeah? So you asserted yourself by spending 34 years storing and toting all his stuff.
Your father was your first great enemy.
Yeah, well, if you abandon your kid, that's what you get.
Found it.
You know, you hated him long before that.
The way you used to take the fight to each other.
I used to like the way you were such a fighter.
I'll admit that I didn't love when you tried to take the fight to me, though.
That was a fucking mistake.
I maybe should have told you not to talk like that when you were a kid.
I think I still would have.
Sure.
But you also would have had a little voice in the back of your head telling you not to.
Do you have that voice? At all? So, come on.
Where? Just came across them.
Hmm.
Oliver.
Solid whiskers.
Gets me into the professorial mindset.
Mm.
You enjoying the teaching? When you know the practice is that different from the letter and the spirit You feel like you're lying to them.
Telling the truth is worse.
We don't need lawyers pre-jaded.
Hmm.
At least the, uh the wife is happy to have me home.
Yeah.
So What I couldn't say on the phone there is an FBI agent I know who did an opp for Chuck.
Off the books.
The agent told you about it? Mnh-mnh.
Found another way in.
Hmm.
I don't know where this ends, but I have a start.
You're trying to convince me to help you go after Chuck.
No.
I'm giving you a chance to convince me.
Why'd you let yourself get led astray? Why'd you protect Chuck? Why did you? I believed in him.
I didn't believe in myself.
But I believe he must be stopped.
You said you had the cloak and wanted me to provide the dagger.
No idea what that means, but it got me here.
I want you to launch an investigation into Jock Jeffcoat's brother and TexasSouthCable.
Based on what? Based on this.
This is Ashley Cutler.
This is unusable.
Weak witness.
Yeah.
So no actual deployable evidence.
None to speak of.
No.
We know that our witness, Mr.
Cutler, isn't strong enough to win Case A, but we're not trying to win Case A.
No.
We're gonna get Jock on trying to stop it.
- Ah.
- So, in the end, the case you'll be bringing is: obstruction of justice.
Against the Attorney General of the United States.
Right now you're just the Attorney General of New York state, Mr.
Epstein.
But to be the man you gotta beat the man.
After you topple someone of Jock's stature you'll be the motherfucking man.
Nothing makes me feel so alive as putting my head in a tiger's mouth.
Right up until the moment the tiger snaps his jaws shut.
But we will be there with chairs and whips at the ready.
You sure he'll come? The three of us, we'll cause him to.
I was sweating over the worst possible thing that could happen, which was Jock finding out what I've been up to and stopping it.
And then I realized what if the worst thing did happen? What if we made it so? Rather than worry about Jock obstructing, we're gonna invite it.
- Bait it.
- Your part is simple.
Proceed as usual.
Try to keep everything a secret.
- The great impossibility.
- Right.
And once Jock knows you're coming for his brother, he will realize that eventually it will come back to him.
And before he can let that happen He'll try to get to Cutler, to shut him up and shut it all down.
And that's what we'll get him on.
It's ready.
It's fucking ready.
Don't tell me it's not ready.
It's ready.
It's like a Trident missile in launch mode.
You sell Axe on deploying this, he becomes state of the art.
He takes human decision making, that fallibility, out of the game.
And he starts moving in micro-seconds.
We go live in a week.
Good work.
It looks like you're ready to get into business.
I need a meeting with your boss, Grigor Andolov.
You have a problem.
I will make your problem disappear.
Jesus Christ.
What do you want? - I've got him.
- What do you think you know? If the endgame is coming I say bring it on.
If I were to engage on your behalf I'd expect something in return.
Would you, now? - What is your objective? - Total destruction.