Bizaardvark (2016) s03e11 Episode Script

1 Now salute the sun as we greet this new day.
(sighs) 'Sup, sun? Now move to a back bend.
Just reach up and bend back as far as you feel comfortable.
Oh, am I doing it? Uh, I think I'm stuck.
Help! Help! Now put your hands to your heart and breathe in the stillness of this magnificent, peaceful day.
(exhales) Parkour! - Parkour! - Parkour! - Parkour! - Parkour! Parkour! - Parkour! - Parkour! Uh, what are you guys doing? Oh, sorry.
It may have not been clear.
It's called parkour.
It's a very subtle and sophisticated art form.
Ball pit parkour! Well, do you have to yell "parkour" every time you do a move? No.
Parkour! Okay, everyone.
Now put your hands on your hips and tilt your head to one side for annoyed pose.
Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! (shouting): Men! Is the fort complete? BOTH (shouting): Sir, yes, sir! And did you put Mr.
Bear Bear inside in case I want to take a nap? BOTH: Sir, yes, sir! (stammering) That's cool, right? BOTH: No comment, sir! Oh, come on.
What is this? BOYS: Fort, fort, fort! Fort, fort, fort! They may be annoying, but they do always yell - exactly what they're doing.
- BOYS: Fort, fort, fort! Ever since those three started hanging out, it's just been noise and destruction all day long! That's it, I'm going in.
Right behind you, sister.
Time to break up this friendship in a very violent manner.
Guys, guys! Come on! Bernie, Zane, and Rodney have gotten really close lately.
We can't ruin that.
We're witnessing the birth of a beautiful friendship.
You will smell my pits! See? Beautiful.
Look, I'll admit the boys can be a little annoying.
But I haven't seen Bernie this happy since before Dirk left Vuuugle.
- By the way, where did he go? - And it's sweet that Bernie's found new buddies to hang out with.
So I, for one, am happy to do my part to nurture this new friendship.
Who's with me? And I, for one, am happy to do my part to crush this friendship with my bare hands so we can have our house back.
Now who's with me? Just seems like we can have peace and quiet in the house and they can stay friends.
I think it's possible to make everyone happy.
Pfft! Make everyone happy? Who do you think you are, pizza? (laughter) Fine, laugh.
But a lifetime of people pleasing has prepared me for just this moment.
Watch.
Hey, guys! I love that you're hanging out together, but wouldn't it be fun to find something more constructive for the three of you to do.
What do you mean? Like dig up the floor and build a moat around our fort? - Men! - No! No, definitely not that! Um, I meant something that channels your amazing, raw energy into something else.
Maybe not in here.
Our energy is raw and amazing.
And you should channel that.
And as I mentioned earlier, not in here.
So? What do you say? Sure.
I guess we could do that.
Mission accom-Paiged! Better in my head.
ANNOUNCER: And for those of you keeping score at home, it's boys: happy, rest of the house: happy.
I am so excited for your birthday, Willow.
Turning ten is a huge deal.
I know, and I feel it.
This morning, I got sore skipping down the stairs.
So, what do you want as a gift? A new dress? A nice necklace? Actually, all I really want is to do something special and unique with memories that will last a lifetime.
Oh.
Uh, that sounds very specific.
I'm on it? I mean I'm on it? Thanks, Meels.
I've always wanted you to plan my birthday.
With you in charge, it's gonna be the best birthday ever! You know it is! I know exactly what I'm gonna do and you're gonna love it! I have no idea what I'm gonna do and she's gonna hate it! What are you even talking about? You just walked in here and started talking.
I have zero context for this conversation.
Oh, this is gonna take forever to explain.
Oh, I get it.
She wants something special and unique, but what is that? If I get her the wrong thing, she'll just end up returning it like I did with that gross-smelling bath soap I got last year.
In my defense, who wouldn't want their entire body to smell like root beer? (sighs) This is so much pressure! This is Willow's first birthday away from Kentucky.
Well, then, there you go.
Your whole family lives on a farm, right? Why don't you just throw her a farm party? That's a great idea, Frankie.
Will you help me? For Willow? Of course.
That kid's a mensch.
Yay! I haven't felt this relieved since the bath store gave me a full refund on that gross-smelling soap.
Next year I'm just getting you money.
I went to five different stores and finally found one that had a scarecrow.
It was at the Scarecrow Emporium.
I probably should have gone there first.
Frankie, planning a farm party is a little more complicated than that.
- Oh.
- The scarecrow needs overalls.
- Hey, guys.
- Morning! Pleasantries.
Wow! Did you see how they walked through here and didn't bother any of us? And all it took was having a respectful conversation that didn't resort to threats of violence.
Hey, you got your methods, I got mine.
Point is, the house is quiet and their friendship appears stronger than ever.
Some might say everyone is happy.
Fine, I'll say it, everyone is happy.
(loud rock music plays) (loud rock music continues) What is going on here? Oh, we took your advice and channeled all our amazing, raw energy into forming the sickest rock band ever! (riffs on keytar) By the way, I play the keytar.
Becoming a band has connected us on a whole new level.
Yeah, level two.
Is that a high level? Looks like we got a level one-er in here.
So, do you guys want to hear our first song? I know that's a rhetorical question, but let the record show my answer is a hard no.
It's called "Farts Are Just Burps From Your Butt.
" We know, we know.
The title is a little immature, but wait till you hear the lyrics.
Farts are just burps from your butt Farts are just burps from your butt Farts are just burps from your what ALL: Your butt (drumroll continues) Don't get mad at me, this was not my idea.
Thank you, Vuuugle House.
We are Paige's Idea! (feedback screeches) ANNOUNCER: Whoa! I did not see that coming.
Now it's boys: happy, rest of the house: not happy.
What a ride! (loud rock music plays) Great job, Paige.
I don't want to say I told you so Well, I do! I told you so! Gah, I really wanted to do that.
Guys, I know it seems like I just made everything worse, but this was just part one of a multi-pronged plan.
Multi-pronged? It means many prongs.
Oh, thank you.
Continue.
You don't judge a plan in the middle.
Like if you walked up to Einstein when he only had E=M, you'd be like, "Uh, there's still C-squared.
" Which is the square of the speed of light.
But "multi-pronged" threw you? Guys, this is simple.
All I have to do is find a place for the boys to jam that's not in the house so they won't bother anyone while at the same time not telling them I'm finding a place to jam that's not in the house so they won't bother anyone, so their feelings won't get hurt.
(laughs) Like I said, simple.
Everyone is gonna be happy! All right, boys, lose the blindfolds.
Cool! A garage door opener! Cool, a garage! That explains the garage door opener.
It's your very own private jam studio.
You can play your music out here instead of playing in the house.
But if we play out here, no one will be able to hear us.
Yes! Uh, I mean yet.
No one will be able to hear you yet.
Everyone in the house loves your music so much they want to hear more of it.
Yeah, that sounds right.
So, here's the deal.
You guys are gonna stay out here and just keep making music.
Don't rush the process.
Give it time, like a cake in the oven.
Sweet! We get cake, too? No.
I My point was you should use this time to explore your sound.
So will there or will there not be cake? There's no cake! Guys, guys.
I know what Paige is trying to say.
We need to stay out here and keep working until we discover who we are as a band.
Yes, Bernie, you get it.
And then once we do, we go inside and rock out louder than ever for everyone in the house! - Yeah! - Whoo! Or you could keep playing out here until you discover your sound and then shoot me a quick text and I'll come listen.
Out here.
With cake? Fine.
Yes, I'll bring a cake.
BOYS: Yes! Well, heh, you guys seem happy and that makes me happy.
So go on, create, make music, no one is gonna bother you out here.
(garage door opens) - (horn honks) - No, no! Horse Face Guy, no! Just park in the driveway! (horn honks) (chuckles) I'll put up a sign.
(bluegrass music playing) Willow is going to love this party! Thanks for helping me, Frankie.
The name is Frankie-Sue, y'all! I love farming, cows, and dancing to bluegrass.
Frankie! You didn't grow up on a farm, you can't act like that.
It's offensive.
I'm so sorry.
I I didn't mean to Just kidding! You sound like my entire family.
Let's dance, y'all! Willow's gonna walk out here tonight, and totally forget she's even in California! (oink) By the way, I gave the pig a little cowboy outfit.
I love it, Frankie-Sue! It's like you were born on a farm! Except we don't give outfits to animals, they just poop in 'em.
You'll see.
WILLOW: Meels? Where are you? Oh, shoot, it's Willow! She can't see this! I want her to be surprised! Hi, Meels! Hi, Frankie! Hey, Wills! Uh Remember, I'm planning something super special for your birthday, so you you can't go out on the deck right now.
We want you to be totally surprised.
Thanks, chicas.
I'm hecka stoked to get my chill on tonight.
(chuckles) (stammers) Why are you talking like that? Oh, I just got back from boogie boarding, and I picked up some surfer slang.
Gnarly swells today, brah! I love living in Cali so much! Yeah! But but you miss Kentucky, and the farm too, right? I'll be honest, Meelster.
I was feeling really homesick, but I guess I'm just a California girl.
Oh! Uh that's very interesting information to learn a few hours before your very specific and very elaborate birthday surprise.
I'm so excited for my first Cali birthday! I can't wait to see what you guys planned! Hasta la later, dudes.
(stammering) So we have five hours to turn our Kentucky farm party into a California beach party? This is why I celebrate nothing.
PAIGE: How's my favorite band? What the? What happened? "What happened?" "What happened?" I'll tell you what happened, Paige.
You put us here in this palace of a studio, and told us not to come out until we found our sound.
Well, you might not know this.
There are a lot of sounds! So many sounds! We tried them all! (pop music playing) ALL: Farts are just burps from your butt (mystical, New Age music plays) From your butt, from your butt From your butt (smooth jazz style) And burps Are just farts From your mouth Thank you! Tip your wait staff! When I said "explore your sound," I didn't mean change everything! Ah-ha! That's what I've been saying, but no one listens to the keytar player! Maybe that's because every time you make a point, you rub it in our face with a riff! No, I don't! Boom! How's it feel to be wrong? (riffs) The keytar is a stupid instrument! There! I said it! Guys, come on.
There's no need to yell.
I wish someone would tell that to our lead singer! (mockingly) My name's Rodney Blah, blah, blah I have hair Yeah, what's with the hair, man? Okay, there's no need to fight.
What Why don't you guys just do the boy band? We would if someone didn't take four hours to learn his choreography! It's frame, pump, frame.
Not frame, frame, pump! I took the rain stick! Nobody wanted the rain stick! I'm outta here! Zane, wait! I'm outta here, too! Me, too! But I'll dance my way out! Frame, pump, frame! And pivot! And leave! Alright, we still have a lot to figure out.
But at least we know, Willow is going to love this beautiful, hand-painted banner.
That's it! This band is over! You think this band is over? This friendship is over! I wish we'd never started this band in the first place! Thanks a lot, Paige! Yeah! Thanks a lot, Paige! ANNOUNCER: And at the end of two, it's boys: not happy, rest of the house: not Yeah, yeah, yeah! I know! Hey.
You okay? Not really.
Look, I'm sorry about everything that happened with the band.
I'm done trying to make everyone happy.
It can't be done.
Paige, can you keep a secret? No, I cannot.
It feels like a polite form of lying.
Yeah.
I like lying, too.
You may not know this, but hanging out with those boys meant a lot to me.
I know! They're your first new friends since Dirk left.
Yeah, but it's more than that.
Zane and Rodney look up to me.
It's like I'm their big brother and it felt really good.
Oh, well.
Guess those days are over now.
I may not be able to make everyone happy, but I can at least try to make Bernie happy.
- (car approaches) - (horn honks) No, no, no, Horse Face Guy! You can't park on the front lawn.
- The garage is open now! - (horn honks) How did that guy get a license? Willow's party starts in less than an hour, and this place still looks way too farm-y! I'm doing everything I can! I even put a bikini on the scarecrow! Uh, you're showing a little too much hay for my taste, scarecrow.
This is a family party! So, what do we do now? Uh we could switch out the farm food for beach food! What the heck is "beach food?" I don't know! Just put tiny umbrellas in everything, and throw some sand on top.
- This is crazy! - I know! (oink) But that is adorable! I know! Great! You guys look beachy now.
Uh, you know California surfer songs, right? (bluegrass music plays) (music ends) I have one performance note.
Everything was wrong! I have serious concerns! Willow isn't gonna buy any of this.
Let's just go find some tiny umbrellas.
Hey, um, I know you're busy with the party, but I'm trying to revive a friendship, - and I could use some help - Not now.
I have one hour to transform a Kentucky bluegrass band into a California beach band, or else the cutest little girl in the world's 10th birthday will be ruined, and that's not happening on my watch, Paige.
(shouts) Not on my watch! Wait, you need a band? Cause I can book you a beach band.
Do they know, like, California-style music? Absolutely! They live on a California beach.
It's totally their lifestyle.
Great! Book 'em! Sorry, boys, you're fired! But if you could pop some of these umbrellas in the cornbread on your way out, that'd be a real Kentucky favor! Paige, I know your angle here, and if you think for one second, I'm gonna let those three bozos play They're not bozos! They're friends who happen to be bozos! And I haven't come this far just to let that friendship die on my watch! (shouts) Not on my watch! You know I'm a sucker for getting my own words thrown back in my face.
Now go get that band, you beautiful people pleaser! Hey, this isn't a piñata party.
Where's the nacho cheese waterfall? There's no bear in here! Guys, I'm sorry I tricked you.
I just needed to get all three of you in the same room to tell you something.
Well, I don't wanna be in the same room as Brad and Chad here.
That's right! I gave you boring nicknames.
- Guys! - Well, did you ever think that maybe me and Brad don't Wait, I'm Brad? How do you know I'm not Chad? Ha! Like you could pull off Chad.
That's such a Brad thing to say! Everybody's yelling, so I'm yelling! (indistinct shouting) Guys, I booked you a gig! No way! A real gig! That's awesome! BOYS (chanting): We are Paige's Idea! Wow! You made up that fast? BOYS: We're ten! Funny, you're 15.
Oh, I thought we were ranking on general hotness.
Yes.
So, uh, a gig.
You guys want it? I do! Me, too! What do you think, Bernie? Yeah, Bernie.
What do you think? The boys wanna know.
What do I think? I'm glad you asked! The history of rock and roll has been filled with important moments, but when people look back on this day, they will say, nay, scream, that this is one of them.
So grab your instruments boys, because we have booked ourselves a "gag!" (groans) I almost had it.
Happy 10th birthday, Willow! ALL: Surprise! Oh my gosh! There's California stuff.
But also farm stuff? And what do you think about that? Do you like it? If not, Frankie did it.
I love it! It was all me! I need better friends.
Happy birthday, Willow.
Thanks, Frankie.
Thanks, Meels.
I knew you'd plan the perfect birthday.
Hey, Olvera.
Where's that California beach band you promised? Here they come now.
There is no way those three bozos are playing this party! Amelia, you booked Paige's Idea? I love them! You do? Yeah! I've been into them since the beginning.
They formed two days ago.
Yeah! Since then! Well that's exactly why I booked them! All me! Nobody else! Paige did nothing.
We need better friends.
Alright, boys, you ready to rock this place? BOYS (hoarsely): Yeah! What happened to your voices? (hoarsely) We were so excited when you got the band back together, that we decided to have a screaming contest.
BOYS: I won! (hoarsely) Maybe we should cancel.
We don't have anyone who can sing.
I think I know a singer who's available.
Happy birthday, Willow! The boys wrote this one just for you.
(rock music plays) Willow, Willow, Willow, Willow, Willow Willow, Willow, Willow, Willow, Willow I think, maybe, your name rhymes with "pillow" It does! Happy Birthday Willow, Willow, Willow (riffs expertly) ANNOUNCER: The boys are happy! The house is happy! Everyone is happy! Yes! I did it! I did it! (riffs) (boys stop playing) (shouts) Everyone's happy! (crackling, zapping) (groaning) Okay, for the record, everyone was happy!