Dog with a Blog (2012) s03e11 Episode Script

So ever since Karl Fink found out I could talk, we've been hanging out a lot.
Avery doesn't get it.
But then again, she doesn't get mech suits! She also doesn't get mech suit apple picking! The thing is, Karl and I were having so much fun, I forgot all about a very important event Stan, there you are.
You missed my birthday party.
Oh, my gosh, was that today? I can't believe it.
I'm so sorry.
What's your favorite present? I guess this sweater.
It's from all of us.
Avery, I can't believe I missed your birthday.
I'm sure you have a very good reason.
Um It's not like you were somewhere goofing around.
Uh Or hanging out with Karl again.
Derp.
I mean no, no.
I was, uh I was on a date with Princess.
Yeah, we were walking in the park, gazing into each other's eyes, eating each other's vomit.
You know, romantic stuff.
I guess it's okay you missed my party.
Are you sure you're not upset? Yes.
Are you sure? Yes.
Are you sure? Yes.
Are you sure? Yes! Stan, stroke of genius.
We wear our mech suits to the Huntington Gardens for high tea, then when the check comes, transform into cars and roll out.
First of all, yeah! Secondly, I'm feeling pretty guilty about missing Avery's birthday party.
Avery had a birthday party and did not invite me? I've been saving this noisemaker since I was three, just hoping to be invited to a birthday party.
No, not yet, Karl.
Patience, patience.
Your day will come.
Sorry.
Maybe I shouldn't have told you about the party.
It's all right.
I'm not upset with you.
Are you sure? Yes.
Are you sure? Yes.
Okay, I'm convinced.
I just need to find a way to make it up to Avery for missing her party.
And maybe I could find some gesture that shows what a good friend I am.
The cupcakes are really popular right now.
I could pelt her with those.
I'm not very good at this friends thing.
We can discuss it over high tea.
Oh, I just remembered, there's a dress code at the Huntington.
We'll have to wear sport coats over our mech suits.
Where are we gonna find two sport coats size 104 long? To Mother's closet! Exeunt! Mom, I overslept! My Pinchy the Party Crab alarm clock didn't play his beach party music.
Pinchy, you have one job, wake me up.
Okay, two jobs, wake me up and party.
And you did neither.
Is that beach party music coming from your room? No wonder my morning dreams are set to the song Crabbin' USA.
That's not a song he plays.
Oh, then I'm back to having a problem.
Because I overslept, I missed the team van heading to my first pro BMX competition.
Now I have to get up to Northern California on my own.
I'll drive you.
Mother-son bonding weekend! I'll just borrow Dad's car.
Nope.
Why not? Well, partly because you're 17 and you can't drive 400 miles by yourself.
But mostly because it's mother-son bonding weekend! Fine.
But when we get to the competition, you don't get to go in.
You won't even stop the van.
I'll ride my bike out the back like an '80s action movie.
My code name will be Chet Fierro and you will be known only as "The Syndicate.
" Or it could be Trixie Le Deuce.
She's wanted by the law, but she fights for justice.
And she also wants to sit in the stands and cheer for you.
But, Mom, every time I try to pull off a difficult trick, you scream things like "be careful" and "watch out" and "I had boots like that in high school!" It's distracting.
This is my first professional competition.
Don't you want me to do well? I do, Chet.
I do.
Okay, I'll drop you off and stay far away from the event.
Oh, now you go off, Pinchy.
Trixie, please.
Good luck at the competition, Tyler! Drive safe, hon! You won't ever make me go on a weekend bonding trip with Mommy, will you? No, Chloe, it's so sweet that you think I have that kind of power.
So, Daddy, what should we do now? Well, I get to watch 30 hours of professional wrestling I've recorded.
And you get to not tell Mommy about it.
Yay! I love doing things I'm not supposed to tell my parents about.
What? What? So why can't I tell Mommy? Mommy doesn't like it 'cause I get a little carried away, especially when I do my Reverse Atomic Suplex.
There is another thing you get to not tell Mommy about.
Yay! So we've narrowed down the nice things we could do for Avery's belated birthday surprise to taking her bungee jumping, doing a flashy song and dance number, or getting her a big, hairy tarantula.
Now why did I write down tarantula? Oh, this is my list of soft things that eat birds.
So the tarantula's out and bungee jumping Why is a tarantula out and bungee jumping? What are you plotting, Karl? Plotting? I'm not plotting.
Stan? Um, we're taking tarantulas who can't spin their own webs bungee jumping so they can experience the exhilaration of spider flight.
Fine, don't tell me.
But you better be careful, Stan.
Don't let Karl pull you into some elaborate scheme.
It's not that elaborate.
We don't even know what it is yet.
Together: What scheme? My arch nemesis and my talking dog becoming friends.
It's every girl's worst nightmare.
That and her dad taking her bra shopping.
Avery, it's time to go! That last example was not said randomly.
This is awful.
Now Avery's actually upset with me.
We really have to do something great to make up for it.
Well, she's already heard bungee jumping and tarantula, so if we want to surprise her, we have to go with song and dance.
But not in our mech suits.
Last time I did that, I activated the chainsaw and literally cut a rug.
Song and dance it is.
Oh, and by the by, add me to the list of soft things that eat birds.
I love me some chicken.
Dude, what happened out there? I haven't seen a crash that bad since the stock market crash of 1929.
What? I know stuff.
Sorry about my riding, Red.
I was just distracted thinking about my mom.
I could feel her out there.
Watching me.
Telling cute girls about the time I ran away from a hummingbird because I thought it was a big wasp.
I thought you said she was waiting in the car.
I asked her to, but I just know she didn't listen.
I can sense her.
She's somewhere close.
Here, Mom, can you hold this? Very close.
Mom, I told you I didn't want you at the competition.
Why didn't you wait in the van? You're my son and I had to see you compete.
And I didn't yell out to you like you said not to.
Besides, I really wanted a corn dog.
I'll eat anything on a stick.
Little known fact about me, I was raised without utensils.
Even though you weren't yelling, I knew you were there and it got inside my head.
I kept waiting for you to yell out how cute I look in my little outfit.
You do look cute in your little outfit.
I know, I also have great hair and Mediterranean good looks, but I don't want to hear about it while I'm riding! I'm sorry, Tyler.
I'll go wait in the car after stopping at the corn dog stand.
I have a problem, don't judge me.
I can't believe my mom.
I know.
She didn't mention how cute I look in my little outfit.
But you shouldn't be so hard on her.
I wish my mom would come to watch my competitions instead of teaching disadvantaged kids how to read.
Why has it always got to be about her? Yeah, but you don't know how embarrassing my mom is.
Dude, there's nothing embarrassing about your mom being proud of you.
In fact, one day you just might think it's cool to have her around.
And that's when you know you're an adult.
Now let's get some cotton candy Whoo! Ugh, Stan, I had no idea how difficult it would be to write a song.
Rock stars do it and they're idiots.
Karl, you're writing on the computer.
Why do you keep crumpling papers? It gets out my frustration.
I can't crumple a computer now, can I? Mother can, then microwaves, small cars, the boy's dreams.
I think you're overcomplicating it.
We just need something that says what's in our hearts.
I am not overcomplicating it.
Now help me find a rhyme for "epistemological conundrum.
" Ugh, we're gonna be here all night.
Stan, that's brilliant.
A sleepover is just what we need to get our creative juices flowing.
My first sleepover! I don't want to get you too excited, but someone's a night farter.
His name is Tyler.
More gossip to come.
So you see, Python isn't gonna challenge Destroyer Dan to another ladder match even though he used an illegal submission hold to steal his title because it's all setting up next month's Pay-Per-View.
Python, you sly taco.
Hey, let's have some fun.
You lie down on the floor and I'll jump off the back of the sofa and land on your face with my knees.
Sweetie, professional wrestlers know how to do that without getting hurt.
Plus, Mommy wouldn't approve.
Well, Mommy's not here right now.
Okay, I'm gonna show you one or two moves, but we have to do it safely.
Let's start with a simple flip.
Here, take my hand.
Whoa, drinking all that milk is finally paying off.
Chloe, you didn't actually make me do that.
I was playacting with you.
I was a college gymnast.
I drank all that milk for nothing? You're gonna get Vitamin-D-stroyed! That was on the carton! Aah! Say it's the milk! Say it's the milk! It's the milk! Yeah, it is! Oh.
Hey, Stan.
It's time to get ready for bed.
Actually, I just came to get Robert.
I'm having a sleepover at Karl's tonight.
We're gonna gossip, but not about you.
On an unrelated topic, can I borrow your diary? You're sleeping at Karl's? You've been spending a lot of time with him, plotting something devious with tarantulas.
Oh, come on, Avery.
Give Karl a chance.
He's a lot of fun.
Just last night we were in our mech suits and then Wait a minute.
Last night? I thought you were with Princess.
Um You missed my birthday party to hang out with Karl Fink? Uh And then lied to me about it? Derp.
Stan, I forgave you for missing my birthday when I thought you were just being flaky and in love, but you actually chose Karl over me.
No, it wasn't a choice.
I really forgot about your party.
I was just having a good time with Karl.
Well, you obviously knew you had done something wrong, or you wouldn't have lied to me about it.
You know what you are? You are a bad Don't go there, Avery.
Don't call me a bad dog.
No.
You're a bad friend.
Avery, I You want to have your sleepover with Karl? Go have your sleepover with Karl.
Obviously that's more important to you.
All right, I have to go retrieve Robert, because he's a chew toy and I'm one-eighth retriever.
But I'll be back and we can talk about this.
Oh, there you are, Stan.
I didn't know where you were, so I started the slumber party without you.
I told myself a ghost story and now I'm scared.
Man, the worst thing just happened.
Avery and I had a big fight about me spending so much time over here and missing her birthday.
Maybe I should just tell her what we're doing.
No, Stan.
The surprise is the fun part.
It's like being ambushed with merriment.
Like when a clown jumps out of a bush and honks your nose.
I don't go to that park anymore.
When Avery hears the song we've written for her, I guarantee she'll forgive you.
I just hope you're right.
Of course I am.
It's also the perfect opportunity for me to show her what a good friend I can be.
You think that the guy who was developing the world's first zombie virus would have friends, and yet somehow I also love me some turkey.
That was really fun wrestling yesterday, Daddy.
Yeah, too bad we already took it as far as we could.
Unless Yeah! Do you dare to get in the ring with Dr.
Pain? Because I'm about to make a house call! But only between the hours of 9 and 5.
The Scarlet Beetle is gonna pick you up with her insect legs, then communicate with other insects using pheromones! That's right, I read about beetles online! We'll start on three.
One, two Never trust The Scarlet Beetle! Oh! Whee! Whee! Whee! Whee! Whee! Dr.
Pain's not through with you yet.
I've got some questions about your insurance! Come on, tag me out! Who are you talking to? My tag-team partner.
Huh? Let's do this, Chloe.
Maximus Slammus! You're my favorite wrestler.
What are you doing here? He's my friend Darcy's uncle.
I gave her my Rockstar Rabbit doll for this to happen.
Make it worth my while.
So I understand you've been showing Chloe some moves.
Well I know a few myself! Okay, let's This is awesome! Well, here we are.
I'll pick you up after the competition.
I guess I'll drive around and see what Stockton has to offer.
According to the pamphlet I picked up at the motel, it was named "The Best Tree City in the Western United States.
" Boy, I wish you were riding BMX and I was getting to check that out.
Okay, Tyler.
I can take a hint.
It's just that I'm so proud of you.
Good luck today, sweetie.
There's nothing embarrassing about your mom being proud of you.
Maybe you're right, Red.
But why are you wearing lederhosen? I think you're remembering me and the girl who sold us the giant pretzels at the same time.
Oh, yeah.
I do that sometimes.
Mom, you should come watch.
I'm sorry I told you to stay away.
There's nothing embarrassing about my mom being proud of me.
If you want to cheer when I'm riding, that's okay.
You've always supported me.
And plus, it's mother-son bonding weekend! Aww.
That's so sweet.
But that's really my bit.
I'm only letting you do it because it's mother-son bonding weekend! You see, that's how it's done.
Look out! Oh, no, you're upside down! It's okay, I can cheer when he's riding! He said so! Can I get a corn dog here? Hey, what's that? I won this when Maximus Slammus and I beat Daddy in a King-of-the-Ring match here in the family room.
Oh, Chloe, you have such a wonderful imagination.
Never grow up.
You too.
Avery, we have a very important message we want to share with you.
And it goes a little something like this Yeah! Karl, I didn't notice before, but your part of our friendship song is a bit negative.
Sorry, Stan, I'm trying to stay positive, but Rome wasn't sacked and destroyed, extinguishing the light of western civilization for an entire millennium in a day.
The fact that you guys would go to all this trouble, Stan, your heartfelt expression and, Karl, whatever you were singing, means more than I can say.
So I made you this.
I call it "My Friends.
" Karl, I'm sorry that I didn't invite you to my party.
You are my friend.
Friends? Us? Oh, Avery, I'm touched.
The moment is finally here.
For those of you unfamiliar with the term "anti-climax.
" And, Stan Wait a second.
Avery, this painting is of Karl and me performing our song.
How did you know we were gonna do that? Were you spying on us? Derp.
When Avery hears the song we've written for her, I guarantee she'll forgive you.
I just hope you're right.
Of course I am.
It's also the perfect opportunity for me to show her what a good friend I can be.
Oh, my gosh.
That's why Stan's over here.
They're doing something nice for me.
I also love me some turkey.
So are you ready to get to work on the song? Yeah.
I sure hope this shows Avery how much I really love her.
I wish she knew that.
I wish she knew that no matter how much time I spend with you or anyone else, I could never love anyone like I love her.
I'm sure she knows that, Stan.
If she did, she wouldn't have said I chose you over her.
She wouldn't have shut the door on me.
I'm so sorry, Stan, that I didn't trust how much you love me.
I'm sorry I called you a bad friend.
I'm sorry I lied to you about why I missed your party.
Well, this is every boy's worst nightmare.
His arch nemesis and her talking dog making him feel like a third wheel.
Get in here, Karl.
Oh! Sometimes when friends have a fight, they come out of it closer than they ever were before.
And that wasn't the only big win this weekend.
That's right.
I took care of a little fella named Maximus Slammus.
And I was riding high until someone snuck up behind me.
Never trust The Scarlet Beetle.
Good ridin', bro! Yeah! Yeah! What's up, man! Yeah! Tyler, you were amazing out there.
My emotions ran the gamut from anticipation to exhilaration to exultation.
I mean, good ridin', bro! Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! It's cool you let your mom watch, but I didn't know she'd be so loud.
How do you keep your focus out there? What?