Drop Dead Diva s03e11 Episode Script
Ah, Men
See that aspiring model there? That was me Deb.
Until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to Heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up and I woke up in someone else's body.
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Fred.
I used to think everything happened for a reason Whoo! and, well, I sure hope I was right.
Drop Dead Diva 3x11 - Ah, Men Original air date September 4, 2011 Hey, good morning, Stace.
Nice night? Oh.
I had a date with judge Owen.
There was surf and sand and this little shack with the most amazing shrimp.
- Mmm! - And then, he taught me how to yank his tiller.
He did what? It's a sailing term.
He's a sailor.
But I'm trying not to get overly excited until I hear from him again.
Well, the big question now is, will he text, e-mail, or call? After the first date, the next 24 to 48 hours are so critical.
Like a snakebite or a perm.
So true.
So, how was your night? Fine.
Good.
Fine and good.
What aren't you telling me? Jane, I'm a cheater! What? Last night, Brian drove me home from the "entertainment weekly" party, and he kissed me.
Well, that's not so bad, unless - you kissed him back.
- I kissed him back.
- Stacy! - I know.
Well, next obvious question did you tell Fred? Mnh-Mnh.
He was asleep when I got home and when I woke up, he was gone.
Do you have feelings for Brian? Well, I didn't think so, but after we kissed, I I just need a little time to sort this out.
Well, sort fast.
You owe it to Fred.
Good morning.
I got a message you wanted to see me.
We need to talk.
Is this about expensing those Katy Perry tickets? Because there's a completely legitimate reason.
- I need a buffer.
- A buffer? An old friend is coming in.
Oh, and by "old friend," I'm guessing you mean "old flame.
" Seeing how you're hiding all the sharp and heavy objects, I'm guessing it didn't end well.
Elisa and I dated eight years ago.
We didn't share the same values, so I took her to a nice restaurant and tried to let her down gently, at which point she hurled the centerpiece at me.
Single stem vase? - Sterling silver fruit bowl.
- Ooh.
Never heard from her again until this morning.
Oh, and in case she holds a grudge, you need me to be Barbara Walters.
Yes.
Wait, what? On "The View"? Babs is the buffer between Joy and Elisabeth, and in this scenario, you'd be Elisabeth.
I'm gonna listen for precisely five minutes, then the phone will ring.
That's when I tell her I can't take her case and you escort her out.
Mm I don't think so.
Please.
I'll owe you one Babs.
Fine.
Might want to hide that paperweight.
Looks kind of heavy.
Kim.
Reverend Phillips.
You've been standing out here a half an hour.
It's safe to come in.
I was surprised to get your phone call.
Is this where you preach now? No, I've given up the pulpit, but I'm an elder here, so this church is in my purview.
Well, it's quaint.
It's a poor church in a poor neighborhood.
Oh, is that why you asked me here for fundraising? Oh, no, no, no.
Not gonna try to squeeze blood from a stone.
Our pastor is in a bit of trouble, and I need your help.
Ben Logan meet Kim Kaswell.
Oh.
Pastor.
Counselor.
So, why am I here? We received a letter.
It's from Onestop, the discount chain.
Oh.
Yeah, I shopped there once.
They had a sale on cotton balls and cantaloupes.
I think they're suing us.
Not yet.
It's a civil demand.
Pay up, or they'll sue.
It seems they're holding pastor Logan respons Please, call me Ben.
Uh, Ben responsible for a series of thefts.
Why would they blame you? Because I told our parishioners that, under the right circumstances, it's permissible to shoplift from their store.
O-kay.
Uh, well, I'm no biblical scholar, but what about "thou shalt not steal?" Leviticus 23:22 "when you reap the harvest of the land," "you shall not reap the very corners.
" "Set them aside for the poor.
" So you're saying Onestop is the modern equivalent of a biblical farm, and you're making sure they meet their charitable obligations to the community? That's right.
But I only encourage our parishioners to take the basics.
Onestop is the only place within They took tax incentives, wiped out local stores, and give nothing back in return.
If Onestop isn't willing to help the poor, then the poor will help themselves.
Dad, I'm late for my piano lesson.
Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
My daughter, Ann.
Hi.
If you'll excuse me.
Nice to meet you.
You too.
So will you help us? I'm not sure that this is the right He's a single dad.
He lost his wife in a tragic accident some years back.
And now he's in real trouble.
Wow.
I thought guilt was a catholic thing.
We methodists can do all right in that department.
Well, I don't condone what he's saying, but I will set up a meeting with Onestop and see if I can help work this out.
Kim Kaswell, on the side of the angels.
There's a first time for everything.
Thank you for seeing me, Jay.
No problem.
So, Elisa, how can we help you? My father recently passed away.
Oh, I'm sorry.
He was a factory worker at F.
T.
H.
, and about a year ago, he got very, very sick congestive heart failure.
And I quit my job to take care of him full time.
I'm an RN.
Nursing? That's new.
I was in nursing school when we met.
Right.
So, Elisa, how can we help you? His life-insurance company refuses to pay on his policy.
Did he keep up with his premiums? On time every month.
Did he conceal any information on his application? No.
My dad was super-honest.
Look, I hate to have to fight for this money, but I need it.
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah? Oh, no, the Wilson class action.
Hold him for me.
Thanks.
Elisa, I so wish that there was something that we could do to help.
This firm just doesn't handle that sort of thing.
I have to take this call.
Yeah, put him through.
Uh-huh.
There is no Wilson class action, is there? Oh, what makes you say that? Well, I noticed how Parker ex-proofed his office.
I mean, what kind of a lawyer doesn't have a heavy, pretentious paperweight on his desk? Yeah.
Anyway, I assume he told you about our breakup.
Well, he might have mentioned something about different values.
Yeah, I valued fidelity, and he valued sleeping with my roommate.
That pig in a suit.
I've moved on, though, and I was hoping he had, too.
I didn't know where else to turn.
Um, Elisa we're taking your case.
- But Parker said - Parker owes me one.
And you know what? He owes you one, too.
You told her we'd take the case?! It is the right thing to do.
Call her and tell her you made a mistake.
Or what? You're gonna fire me and sleep with my roommate? See? You're overreacting now because you feel guilty about how you treated her eight years ago.
Thank you, Dr.
Phil.
I will do the heavy lifting.
All you have to do is show up and be a jerk.
It's what you do best.
Why didn't you just open with that? Are you busy? If you're busy, I can I can come back.
- Yeah, y you're busy.
- No, what's up? Um, I, uh I saw Stacy kissing her co-star.
On screen? On our porch.
Uh, s she doesn't know that I know.
Normally, I'd go to Jane with something like this, but but she's Stacy's best friend.
What do I do? Do I do anything, or does it just auto-correct, like when you type "fondue" into your phone and it changes it to "fondling"? You have to talk to her.
How do I start a conversation that might end us? It's better than standing in a tux in front of everyone you know, waiting for the girl you love, who never shows up.
You make an excellent point.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hey, what's up? I wanted to tell you about a new client Elisa Shayne.
Mm-hmm.
She's an ex.
Oh.
O okay.
Um and I need to know this because? Because you and I are together again, and the last time I represented an ex and didn't tell you everything We're not together.
Uh, what was Thursday night and Friday night, and Friday night again? Um, I don't know.
It was fun? I appreciate the heads-up, but you're free to do whatever or whomever you want.
What I want is you.
I made us a reservation for tomorrow night at "La Grande Jatte".
Oh.
Uh, I can't.
Rain check? Um, okay.
I thought you'd said you were free.
Oh, I know.
I just, uh something came up.
Could you please pull California Code Of Regs, Title 10? Teri? Sure thing.
Oh, by the way, Judge Owen called.
He called? What did he say? He invited you to an important lunch in his chambers.
That is so cute.
It's hot.
The only thing hotter than conjugal-visit sex is chambers sex.
Why do you think Scalia's still on the supreme court? Well, I don't know if I agree with your analysis, but I've got a lunch with a judge in his chambers.
Since pastor Logan began these sermons, shoplifting at Onestop has spiked.
Come on, we both know you can't prove a correlation between the sermons and the thefts.
We disagree.
To quote the pastor, "Onestop defiles the community" "like the money-lenders in the temple.
" "If you must steal to eat, don't steal from your neighbors.
" "Take what you need from Onestop.
" We'd prefer not to sue a man of the cloth and will withdraw the letter of demand if he stops telling people to steal from my client.
Hold on.
I have a counter-offer.
I'll continue to speak my mind, and Onestop will help us reopen the soup kitchen that closed when they bankrupted the local stores that contributed.
I guess we're done here.
- Oh, Jane! Hey! - Hi! Welcome.
Caipirinha? Thank you.
Sure.
You know, I wasn't expecting so many people.
Yeah, it's my famous "buffet and board game" lunch.
- Ooh! - I started this years ago - in private practice.
It's fun, right? - Oh, yeah.
No, yeah, it's very cool.
- Great.
- It's also very crowded.
Yeah, very much so.
Oh, that's Judge Abrams.
Excuse me? - Sure.
- Thanks.
Wow! So, I've never seen you here before.
- Are you a foo? - I'm sorry.
A what? A foo a friend of Owen's.
Yes.
Yes, I'm a total foo.
You're a little early for service.
That's not why I'm here.
So, I take it they're suing? Onestop has convinced the D.
A.
to file criminal charges for solicitation of theft.
I see.
Ben, can't you just preach about something else, I mean, just for a few weeks, until this settles down? Every day, I meet people who feel invisible, people who need help but can't get it.
The fact that I have to recommend shoplifting is a grim indictment of how we care for the least fortunate among us.
Now, I appreciate your help, but I need to finish my sermon.
Okay.
Ms.
Shayne, what is that on your father's leg? - An ankle brace.
- And where did he get it? At an E.
R.
near Big Sur.
- We were on vacation there a few years ago.
- Mm-hmm.
He slipped by the lake.
Why is this relevant? Mr.
Shayne's application with Practical Insurance required that he list all his hospital visits in the preceding five years.
He didn't.
And since you're suing my client, I thought I'd point it out.
It wasn't serious.
It must've slipped his mind.
As we know, in California, insurers have a two-year period in which they can cancel a policy if they discover that the application is incomplete.
Mr.
Shayne's policy was only 18 months old.
The law's intent is to prevent fraud.
This is a sprained ankle, totally unrelated to cause of death.
We've had our doctors review the file.
And a fall could have led to an embolism which may have intensified his heart condition.
Hence, the policy is rescinded.
Time to be a jerk.
Sure, his sprained ankle might have led to his death, just like the Cubs might win the World Series.
Or Paris Hilton might win an Oscar.
Sarcasm notwithstanding, the law is on our side.
Jane, I got to go.
It's urgent.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, okay.
Excuse me.
We're done here.
Mr.
Hensley, we're not done.
In fact, we're just getting started, and we'll see you in court.
Hey.
That sounded pretty tough.
Oh, thank you.
I learned my intimidation stare from "top model.
" You feel like going for a ride? Oh.
Um, sure.
Appended to the complaint was an affidavit from Elisa.
Needs a signature.
I'm on it.
I'm sorry the meeting didn't go as we hoped, but we are not giving up.
Mom, you said you'd tuck me in.
Go brush your teeth.
I'll be right there.
Was he the urgent matter that pulled you out of the conference? Yeah, babysitter emergency.
Ah.
I understand.
Where's his father? Is he around? He's not involved in Eric's life.
I see.
How old is he? Anything else you need from me? No, I think we are good.
There is just one little thing.
I know that this is none of my business, but you and Parker dated eight years ago.
Eric is Parker's son.
You're really not gonna tell Parker he has a child? I gave her my word, and I'm bound by attorney-client confidentiality.
Then why did you tell me? Because I had to tell somebody, and attorney-client is trumped by roommate-roommate.
Hmm.
Speaking of roommates Did you talk to Fred? No.
And I feel sick about it.
I was ready to tell him and beg for another chance, but then I saw Brian, and now I'm more confused than when the fed raised short-term interest rates a quarter point.
- Whoa.
- I practice my diction by reading the news.
Mm.
Wait, where is Fred, anyway? Kim kept him working all night.
It's the first time I've ever liked her.
Stacy.
Talk to Fred.
You'll feel better eventually.
Stacy, we need to talk.
We should talk.
Uh if you wouldn't mind talking.
Stacy why? You do know you're talking to yourself, right? I saw Stacy kissing another guy.
Ho! Sorry.
Sad face.
Tell me more.
I know I should confront her, but I'm afraid, as soon as I see her, I'm gonna lose my nerve.
Well, you have to be careful, because she's an actress, which means she's a professional liar.
But, then again, she's not a very good actress, so That's not true! She's an amazing actress.
Freddie, how are you gonna confront her when you're still defending her? You're right.
It's hopeless.
Why don't you let me do it? I'm Korean.
I can do things with wax that'll make her cry worse than a virgin on prom night.
Okay, I don't know what that means, but I need to do this myself.
Okay.
Remember, the recipe for a good confrontation is eye contact, breath control, and a shovel in your trunk, just in case.
You can't predict the future.
But with Practical Insurance, you have a safety net.
Leave the worry to us.
That advertisement implies that a policy holder can depend on you, correct? Absolutely.
But where does the commercial mention that Practical Insurance employs an off-site army of doctors whose sole job is to scrutinize policies of the recently deceased to find any reason not to pay? - Objection.
No foundation.
- I'll rephrase.
Given what we all know about your company, isn't this a more accurate commercial? With Practical Insurance, you have a safety net.
Leave the worry to us.
Unless, of course, you die within two years of buying your policy, at which point, you better worry.
Practical Insurance employing 75 people to look for honest mistakes to screw you out of your money.
Shut that off.
The jury will ignore the stunt and I won't tolerate grandstanding.
One more inappropriate remark from you and you will be held in contempt.
- Do you understand? - Yes, Your Honor.
I'm sorry to interrupt your perfectly justified smackdown, but I have a few questions for the witness.
Go ahead.
Mr.
Stout, was this photo obtained from a website called "Ex-Posure"? Yes, I believe it was.
Ex-Posure went out of business a year ago, which was a total shame, because its easy-to-use format was really popular with aspiring models.
My point is, your company's investigators had this photo for over a year, correct? Does that matter? If you knew about the photo yet continued to receive premiums, it's de facto acceptance that the injury was not material.
Under the doctrine of laches, Practical Insurance lost their right to rescind.
We move for a directed verdict.
I'm inclined to agree unless Mr.
Hensley has some other evidence.
Give us till the end of the week? You have till tomorrow.
Adjourned.
Jane, that was amazing.
Well, we try.
Yes, we do.
- Jane.
- Owen.
Very nice job, counselor.
What are you doing here? I'll meet you two outside.
- Okay.
- Okay.
You left my chambers so quickly, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
Yeah, well, basic party etiquette navigate, network, and never overstay your welcome.
Nice.
What are you doing now? You hungry? I would love to take you to my favorite restaurant.
We can celebrate laches.
I would love to.
Believe it or not, I've never celebrated laches before.
New bangs, totally, but never laches.
Hey.
I hope you don't mind a working dinner.
I'm starving, and the boss pays for meals after 8:00, so Looks good.
We have bone-in rib eye, baby carrots, and morel mushrooms.
Fancy.
Well, we got to eat, right? And since your trial's tomorrow, I want to make sure you're fully prepped.
Okay.
Okay.
I hope you understand that you could lose your pulpit and you're facing jail time.
I do.
Also, for the jury, I want to make sure you don't come off too preachy.
I'm a preacher.
That's what I'm talking about.
It's a little holier-than-thou.
Believe it or not, people like me.
I know what you're thinking.
For the price of the bottle you could feed six Sally Struthers kids for a year.
Actually, I was thinking that a Cab/Franc blend would have been a better pairing with the meal.
Wow.
I don't spend all my time in soup kitchens.
I worked a summer at a church in Naples, right next to a vineyard.
And before divinity school, I went to Yale, so I'm impressed.
Kim, I'm a pastor because it's my calling.
Given your life of privilege, you might not understand that.
Excuse me, Yale boy, but what life of privilege? I worked two jobs to put myself through law school.
No one gave me anything.
Well sometimes it's nice to be wrong.
So, tell me again, what made you think of that argument? I mean, it was brilliant.
Honestly, I don't know.
- I I saw that logo - Yeah.
and my brain started clicking away.
Huh.
My mind has a mind of its own.
Oh, look, that's Julie.
She worked at my old office.
Her husband left her, and she's eating alone.
Would you mind if I invited her over to join us? Uh, no, I just I don't want her to feel like a third wheel.
Wow.
That's really considerate.
You know what? I saw a lawyer that I know at the bar.
I'll invite him over, too.
I'll be right back.
That's thoughtful.
That is not your favorite movie.
I swear! Come on, what is more romantic than Stallone, all bloody and bruised, not caring if he's won or lost, just calling out for the woman he loves? "Adrian!" - "Adrian!" - "Adrian!" I guess it's late.
I should let you go.
My favorite part of "Rocky" is the turtles.
I mean, here's this bruising, blue-collar guy who just loves these little turtles.
I know.
Kind of makes you fall for him.
I don't know how you remember any of Burning Man.
- The whole thing is a haze to me.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Remember the guy the guy who looked like, uh, George Michael? Weird British guy? He had the huge nose.
We called him whammed! I once bought a car from a guy who looked like Andrew Ridgeley with a droopy eye.
Uh, he was the other guy in "Wham!".
Remember, there were two guys in "Wham!"? So, Owen, did you get your Bonnaroo reservations yet? Please.
I made next year's before I left this year's.
- Want another bottle? - Yeah, of course.
Yeah, I'm gonna get going.
I've got an early morning.
- I'll walk you out.
- No, it's fine.
Oh, look, there's Maxine.
Oh, we should invite her over.
- I haven't seen her in two years.
- I know.
She can have your seat, right, Jane? I mean, you're leaving? Oh, yeah.
I certainly am.
Maxine! Fred.
Where have you been? I've barely seen you.
Oh, um, Kim had me working all night.
All night? On what? Maxwell v.
House.
Did you just read that off the coffee can? Mnh-mnh.
Why would you lie to me about working all night? Oh, my God, you know about Stacy.
I saw it all.
And I didn't want to say anything because I'm your guardian angel and I'm not supposed to be burdening you with my problems.
Yeah, that's sweet, but I think we've proven we don't have the usual guardian angel/ reincarnated model relationship.
In that case, please help.
Okay.
Um, Stacy is at her TV show right now.
So I'll have Teri cover Kim's desk.
Just go talk to her.
Tell her how you feel.
How I feel? That would be nauseous and gassy.
- Fred.
- Gotta go.
- Thank you.
- Yep.
You need to turn around right now.
Excuse me? The pastor called.
His daughter was arrested.
- Arrested? - Yeah.
Get this for shoplifting.
- Oh, God.
- She's in lock-up.
He's waiting for you.
I just took a few things, and I was going to hand them out at church to the needy.
Honey, I respect the impulse, but this is not your responsibility Ben, the value of the stolen goods exceeds $1,000.
Even though she'll be in juvenile court, they're charging her with grand larceny.
$1,000 for what? Toilet paper and rice? They've trumped up charges against an innocent girl to get at me.
That's not true, is it, Ann? Okay, so I took a cellphone, an MP3 player, and some makeup.
No big deal.
I don't understand.
My friends have those things and I don't.
Compared to them, I'm needy.
No, Ann.
Besides, the companies that make those things are just as greedy as Onestop.
- It's not the same.
- Why not? Why do you get to decide everything? It's not fair.
What happens now? Ann will be processed and released within the hour.
You should take her home, and then I'll see you later, at your trial.
Judge Owen is on the line again.
Oh, is it a three-way conference call or maybe a party line? - Huh? - Just tell him I'm busy.
He invited you to dinner, and I said yes.
Wait.
No.
Teri! Bingum, the insurance company's lawyer just asked for a meeting.
He is on his way over.
Oh, that can only mean one thing.
Settlement.
Big settlement.
What's this? I see numbers but no dollar signs.
It's Mr.
Shayne's blood-work, taken shortly before he died.
It shows the presence of a drug called clenbuterol, which is illegal in the United States.
Now, Ms.
Shayne just so happens to have a prescription for it in Canada, where it is legal.
Make your point.
Phase-one trials suggest clenbuterol will help patients with congestive heart failure.
You would have done anything to help your father.
- Isn't that right? - Don't say anything.
You smuggled the drug into the U.
S.
, and you medicated him yourself.
How is any of this relevant to her father's insurance case? Oh, it's probably not.
But Ms.
Shayne is a registered nurse.
She did acquire the prescription under false pretenses, and I do think the nursing board would be very interested to find out about all that.
But if Ms.
Shayne drops the lawsuit, the whole file just goes away.
You're blackmailing her? I'm negotiating on behalf of my client.
Officer Fellows, some key evidence has gone missing from the vault.
Like what? I think you know.
Oh, look.
I found it.
Good work.
And keep your eyes peeled.
There's also a missing BMW.
Well, now I need a ride home.
And cut there! That was fantastic.
Let's take five, please.
Hey, Stacy, there's this big fundraiser tonight.
You want to be my date? Oh, I don't know It's at Brad and Angelina's.
what to wear! Yes, I'm in.
Great.
Oh, my God.
Can you just excuse me? - Yeah, sure.
- Just a second.
Fred, what are you doing here? Stacy, we need to talk.
Well, I can explain.
You had two days to explain.
You had two days to tell me why you kissed another guy.
Can we continue this at home? When you're back from your date with Brian? Stacy, I love you.
But if you can't decide who you want, then I don't want to be with you.
Thank you for helping me out.
You'd do the same for me.
Yes, I would.
Bingum, what's going on? - You subpoenaed documents on Elisa's case? - That's right.
She doesn't want to pursue this further.
- Why are you pushing it? - Why aren't you? This case should be really important to you.
To me? Why? Because um, because it's a chance to do the right thing, Parker.
The right thing is to respect our client's wishes.
Elisa can't afford to lose her job.
Maybe she doesn't have to.
If Practical Insurance is gonna blackmail us, then I say we fight fire with fire.
That is why I requested a list of other claimants within the 2-year rescission period.
If Practical sat on information about Elisa's father, they probably did the same thing to other policy holders.
- Precisely.
- Not bad.
Thank you.
Do you want to help us comb through the files? Yep.
When Paris Hilton wins that Oscar.
See ya, Bingum.
Excuse me.
Hey.
How could you tell Fred about me and Brian? What? I I I You, you, you, you what? Fred knows everything, and obviously you spilled the beans.
How could you do that to me?! Let's talk about what's really going on here.
Fred trusted you.
You threw him overboard for the first C-lister to come along.
Brian was rated A-minus by "E.
W.
" B.
F.
D.
Look, if you had been cast in a movie with George Clooney, and he put the moves on you, are you really saying you wouldn't have? I wouldn't have, because I love Grayson.
Fine.
You win.
But I have been your best friend since New Kids On The Block really were new kids on the block, and I expect you not to betray me.
Stacy, I didn't tell Fred.
He saw you kiss Brian.
And as your best friend, I practically begged you to tell him the truth, and you ignored me.
If you're so truthful, why don't you go into that room and tell Grayson who you really are? I didn't think so.
What did Stacy want? Oh, well, you know Stacy always making a mountain out of a broken nail.
You want to talk about it? Not really.
Okay.
Did you find anything? Uh, I'm not sure.
I do have a question.
Okay.
All right, here's the list of claimants that died within the 2-year period.
And here's Elisa's father.
Look what it says in the last column.
"Paid"? That's my question.
Oh, wait.
Grayson, this isn't even Elisa's policy.
Yeah, these numbers they're completely different.
Which means someone else took out a life-insurance policy on Elisa's father.
Ms.
Kaswell, let me put this to you delicately.
Where the hell is your client? Your Honor, I'm sure he's on his way.
The defendant's over an hour late.
I request a bench warrant for his arrest.
I have no choice.
So ordered.
Uh, Your Honor, I think I know where he might be.
Then you'd better go get him.
Thank you.
Over the past few weeks, I've said some controversial things.
I said them not to be controversial.
Well, not just to be controversial.
And I'm now humbled before you as I confess I was wrong.
Over the past 24 hours, I've come to understand that shoplifting will not solve our problems but will only create new ones.
Every day, I'm awed by what humanity has accomplished.
When we come together, we build bridges and towers that seem to stand by faith alone.
But more importantly, together, we build a community.
Our challenge as a community and a congregation is to ensure that none of us become so desperate so invisible that our only option for survival is to steal.
In the Lord's name Amen.
Amen.
I thought we had an understanding.
You don't want to go back to court, now, do you? No, I think we can settle this right here and now.
You've heard of the term "janitor's insurance" when a corporation takes out life-insurance policies on their rank-and-file employees? It's a little controversial.
Yes, I know what it is.
FTH, the factory that employed our client's father, engaged in this controversial practice.
In fact, they took out a policy on his life.
Not illegal.
Except, under the doctrine of collateral estoppel, it is illegal for Practical Insurance to pay out one policy and not the other when the claims are identical, which they are.
And thanks to our subpoena, we know that our client isn't alone.
Now, you have something on our client.
We have something on you.
So, you're blackmailing us.
We're negotiating on behalf of our client.
We'll pay, as long as you don't go to any other potential claimants.
We'd like a check by the end of the day.
Wait a minute.
Jane, I need to speak to you outside.
Okay.
I can't take that deal.
What? Why? You heard that lawyer.
I won't let my father's friends and co-workers be taken by that company.
Elisa, you need the money, and you need your job.
Well, if we reject their offer and they report me to the nursing board, I still get the insurance money, though, right? Probably, but you'll lose your license.
I can find another job.
I won't change my mind.
Okay.
Kim! Pastor.
I think we're past that.
But, seriously, how'd you get me released so quickly? Well, you did most of the work yourself in your sermon.
The A.
U.
S.
A.
has offered up deals for both you and your daughter.
No jail time but plenty of community service.
I don't know how to thank you.
Sorry.
No.
Don't be.
Um, I need to come clean about something.
There's someone else.
And kissing me made you realize how much you'd rather be kissing him? No.
Yes.
Maybe.
I appreciate the honesty.
"The world is too dangerous for anything but truth" "and too small for anything but love.
" The esteemed reverend William Sloane Coffin.
Oh.
Um, well, "thank you for being a friend.
" The theme song to "The Golden Girls.
" Jane? I got your message.
Please, come sit down.
I'm so sorry, but, as we thought, the nursing board is suspending your license pending a full investigation.
Yeah.
Well, at least I get to keep the insurance money and pay off some bills.
Yeah.
You know what? Let's go get a drink.
Celebrate the good news and forget about the bad.
I would, but I got to Oh, of course.
You have to get home to Eric.
Yeah.
Okay, are you sure that you don't want to tell Parker? Tell me what? Um uh, the bad news.
I heard, and that's why I'm here.
While we fight to help you keep your nursing license, I'd like to offer you a job here.
Really? One of our temps quit.
It's mostly clerical stuff.
- I'll take it.
- Great.
Let's go fill out some paperwork so you can get started immediately.
Okay.
Jane Thank you so much for everything.
You're welcome.
Ohhhhm! Ohhhhm! What are you doing, Stace? I am trying to meditate, but every time I close my eyes, I just see Fred's face, and if you're going to yell at me some more, please don't.
I'm not gonna yell at you.
He's gone.
He took all of his things, even our toothbrush.
You share a toothbrush? Well, not anymore.
Do you hate me, too? I'm just sad for you guys.
You know, I thought you were so happy.
Did I make a huge mistake? I mean, should I go find him and beg for him to come back? Are you ready to give up Brian? No I'm not.
Sweetie, are you going out? Yeah.
Owen asked me to dinner, not that he'd notice if I didn't show up.
What? I think we're just friends which is fine.
Ooh, I gotta go.
Bye.
Bye.
Please, sit anywhere you like preferably with me.
Did you rent out the entire restaurant? I'm friends with the owner.
Yes, you do have a lot of friends.
Jane, you ever owned a Guinea pig? That's an odd question, Owen.
Uh, no, I cannot say that I have.
Oh, they're fun, sweet, very friendly.
You put one with another one bam, they're best friends.
I'm kind of like a Guinea pig.
Well, it's it's nice to be social.
It's also nice to be with you just you.
I'll tell you something else about Guinea pigs their neuroendocrine stress response is significantly lowered in the presence of a single female.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Am I lowering your neuroendocrine stress response? You are.
You're also making my heart race.
Until the day I died.
I thought I'd go straight to Heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up and I woke up in someone else's body.
So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant.
I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Fred.
I used to think everything happened for a reason Whoo! and, well, I sure hope I was right.
Drop Dead Diva 3x11 - Ah, Men Original air date September 4, 2011 Hey, good morning, Stace.
Nice night? Oh.
I had a date with judge Owen.
There was surf and sand and this little shack with the most amazing shrimp.
- Mmm! - And then, he taught me how to yank his tiller.
He did what? It's a sailing term.
He's a sailor.
But I'm trying not to get overly excited until I hear from him again.
Well, the big question now is, will he text, e-mail, or call? After the first date, the next 24 to 48 hours are so critical.
Like a snakebite or a perm.
So true.
So, how was your night? Fine.
Good.
Fine and good.
What aren't you telling me? Jane, I'm a cheater! What? Last night, Brian drove me home from the "entertainment weekly" party, and he kissed me.
Well, that's not so bad, unless - you kissed him back.
- I kissed him back.
- Stacy! - I know.
Well, next obvious question did you tell Fred? Mnh-Mnh.
He was asleep when I got home and when I woke up, he was gone.
Do you have feelings for Brian? Well, I didn't think so, but after we kissed, I I just need a little time to sort this out.
Well, sort fast.
You owe it to Fred.
Good morning.
I got a message you wanted to see me.
We need to talk.
Is this about expensing those Katy Perry tickets? Because there's a completely legitimate reason.
- I need a buffer.
- A buffer? An old friend is coming in.
Oh, and by "old friend," I'm guessing you mean "old flame.
" Seeing how you're hiding all the sharp and heavy objects, I'm guessing it didn't end well.
Elisa and I dated eight years ago.
We didn't share the same values, so I took her to a nice restaurant and tried to let her down gently, at which point she hurled the centerpiece at me.
Single stem vase? - Sterling silver fruit bowl.
- Ooh.
Never heard from her again until this morning.
Oh, and in case she holds a grudge, you need me to be Barbara Walters.
Yes.
Wait, what? On "The View"? Babs is the buffer between Joy and Elisabeth, and in this scenario, you'd be Elisabeth.
I'm gonna listen for precisely five minutes, then the phone will ring.
That's when I tell her I can't take her case and you escort her out.
Mm I don't think so.
Please.
I'll owe you one Babs.
Fine.
Might want to hide that paperweight.
Looks kind of heavy.
Kim.
Reverend Phillips.
You've been standing out here a half an hour.
It's safe to come in.
I was surprised to get your phone call.
Is this where you preach now? No, I've given up the pulpit, but I'm an elder here, so this church is in my purview.
Well, it's quaint.
It's a poor church in a poor neighborhood.
Oh, is that why you asked me here for fundraising? Oh, no, no, no.
Not gonna try to squeeze blood from a stone.
Our pastor is in a bit of trouble, and I need your help.
Ben Logan meet Kim Kaswell.
Oh.
Pastor.
Counselor.
So, why am I here? We received a letter.
It's from Onestop, the discount chain.
Oh.
Yeah, I shopped there once.
They had a sale on cotton balls and cantaloupes.
I think they're suing us.
Not yet.
It's a civil demand.
Pay up, or they'll sue.
It seems they're holding pastor Logan respons Please, call me Ben.
Uh, Ben responsible for a series of thefts.
Why would they blame you? Because I told our parishioners that, under the right circumstances, it's permissible to shoplift from their store.
O-kay.
Uh, well, I'm no biblical scholar, but what about "thou shalt not steal?" Leviticus 23:22 "when you reap the harvest of the land," "you shall not reap the very corners.
" "Set them aside for the poor.
" So you're saying Onestop is the modern equivalent of a biblical farm, and you're making sure they meet their charitable obligations to the community? That's right.
But I only encourage our parishioners to take the basics.
Onestop is the only place within They took tax incentives, wiped out local stores, and give nothing back in return.
If Onestop isn't willing to help the poor, then the poor will help themselves.
Dad, I'm late for my piano lesson.
Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
My daughter, Ann.
Hi.
If you'll excuse me.
Nice to meet you.
You too.
So will you help us? I'm not sure that this is the right He's a single dad.
He lost his wife in a tragic accident some years back.
And now he's in real trouble.
Wow.
I thought guilt was a catholic thing.
We methodists can do all right in that department.
Well, I don't condone what he's saying, but I will set up a meeting with Onestop and see if I can help work this out.
Kim Kaswell, on the side of the angels.
There's a first time for everything.
Thank you for seeing me, Jay.
No problem.
So, Elisa, how can we help you? My father recently passed away.
Oh, I'm sorry.
He was a factory worker at F.
T.
H.
, and about a year ago, he got very, very sick congestive heart failure.
And I quit my job to take care of him full time.
I'm an RN.
Nursing? That's new.
I was in nursing school when we met.
Right.
So, Elisa, how can we help you? His life-insurance company refuses to pay on his policy.
Did he keep up with his premiums? On time every month.
Did he conceal any information on his application? No.
My dad was super-honest.
Look, I hate to have to fight for this money, but I need it.
Excuse me.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah? Oh, no, the Wilson class action.
Hold him for me.
Thanks.
Elisa, I so wish that there was something that we could do to help.
This firm just doesn't handle that sort of thing.
I have to take this call.
Yeah, put him through.
Uh-huh.
There is no Wilson class action, is there? Oh, what makes you say that? Well, I noticed how Parker ex-proofed his office.
I mean, what kind of a lawyer doesn't have a heavy, pretentious paperweight on his desk? Yeah.
Anyway, I assume he told you about our breakup.
Well, he might have mentioned something about different values.
Yeah, I valued fidelity, and he valued sleeping with my roommate.
That pig in a suit.
I've moved on, though, and I was hoping he had, too.
I didn't know where else to turn.
Um, Elisa we're taking your case.
- But Parker said - Parker owes me one.
And you know what? He owes you one, too.
You told her we'd take the case?! It is the right thing to do.
Call her and tell her you made a mistake.
Or what? You're gonna fire me and sleep with my roommate? See? You're overreacting now because you feel guilty about how you treated her eight years ago.
Thank you, Dr.
Phil.
I will do the heavy lifting.
All you have to do is show up and be a jerk.
It's what you do best.
Why didn't you just open with that? Are you busy? If you're busy, I can I can come back.
- Yeah, y you're busy.
- No, what's up? Um, I, uh I saw Stacy kissing her co-star.
On screen? On our porch.
Uh, s she doesn't know that I know.
Normally, I'd go to Jane with something like this, but but she's Stacy's best friend.
What do I do? Do I do anything, or does it just auto-correct, like when you type "fondue" into your phone and it changes it to "fondling"? You have to talk to her.
How do I start a conversation that might end us? It's better than standing in a tux in front of everyone you know, waiting for the girl you love, who never shows up.
You make an excellent point.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hey, what's up? I wanted to tell you about a new client Elisa Shayne.
Mm-hmm.
She's an ex.
Oh.
O okay.
Um and I need to know this because? Because you and I are together again, and the last time I represented an ex and didn't tell you everything We're not together.
Uh, what was Thursday night and Friday night, and Friday night again? Um, I don't know.
It was fun? I appreciate the heads-up, but you're free to do whatever or whomever you want.
What I want is you.
I made us a reservation for tomorrow night at "La Grande Jatte".
Oh.
Uh, I can't.
Rain check? Um, okay.
I thought you'd said you were free.
Oh, I know.
I just, uh something came up.
Could you please pull California Code Of Regs, Title 10? Teri? Sure thing.
Oh, by the way, Judge Owen called.
He called? What did he say? He invited you to an important lunch in his chambers.
That is so cute.
It's hot.
The only thing hotter than conjugal-visit sex is chambers sex.
Why do you think Scalia's still on the supreme court? Well, I don't know if I agree with your analysis, but I've got a lunch with a judge in his chambers.
Since pastor Logan began these sermons, shoplifting at Onestop has spiked.
Come on, we both know you can't prove a correlation between the sermons and the thefts.
We disagree.
To quote the pastor, "Onestop defiles the community" "like the money-lenders in the temple.
" "If you must steal to eat, don't steal from your neighbors.
" "Take what you need from Onestop.
" We'd prefer not to sue a man of the cloth and will withdraw the letter of demand if he stops telling people to steal from my client.
Hold on.
I have a counter-offer.
I'll continue to speak my mind, and Onestop will help us reopen the soup kitchen that closed when they bankrupted the local stores that contributed.
I guess we're done here.
- Oh, Jane! Hey! - Hi! Welcome.
Caipirinha? Thank you.
Sure.
You know, I wasn't expecting so many people.
Yeah, it's my famous "buffet and board game" lunch.
- Ooh! - I started this years ago - in private practice.
It's fun, right? - Oh, yeah.
No, yeah, it's very cool.
- Great.
- It's also very crowded.
Yeah, very much so.
Oh, that's Judge Abrams.
Excuse me? - Sure.
- Thanks.
Wow! So, I've never seen you here before.
- Are you a foo? - I'm sorry.
A what? A foo a friend of Owen's.
Yes.
Yes, I'm a total foo.
You're a little early for service.
That's not why I'm here.
So, I take it they're suing? Onestop has convinced the D.
A.
to file criminal charges for solicitation of theft.
I see.
Ben, can't you just preach about something else, I mean, just for a few weeks, until this settles down? Every day, I meet people who feel invisible, people who need help but can't get it.
The fact that I have to recommend shoplifting is a grim indictment of how we care for the least fortunate among us.
Now, I appreciate your help, but I need to finish my sermon.
Okay.
Ms.
Shayne, what is that on your father's leg? - An ankle brace.
- And where did he get it? At an E.
R.
near Big Sur.
- We were on vacation there a few years ago.
- Mm-hmm.
He slipped by the lake.
Why is this relevant? Mr.
Shayne's application with Practical Insurance required that he list all his hospital visits in the preceding five years.
He didn't.
And since you're suing my client, I thought I'd point it out.
It wasn't serious.
It must've slipped his mind.
As we know, in California, insurers have a two-year period in which they can cancel a policy if they discover that the application is incomplete.
Mr.
Shayne's policy was only 18 months old.
The law's intent is to prevent fraud.
This is a sprained ankle, totally unrelated to cause of death.
We've had our doctors review the file.
And a fall could have led to an embolism which may have intensified his heart condition.
Hence, the policy is rescinded.
Time to be a jerk.
Sure, his sprained ankle might have led to his death, just like the Cubs might win the World Series.
Or Paris Hilton might win an Oscar.
Sarcasm notwithstanding, the law is on our side.
Jane, I got to go.
It's urgent.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, okay.
Excuse me.
We're done here.
Mr.
Hensley, we're not done.
In fact, we're just getting started, and we'll see you in court.
Hey.
That sounded pretty tough.
Oh, thank you.
I learned my intimidation stare from "top model.
" You feel like going for a ride? Oh.
Um, sure.
Appended to the complaint was an affidavit from Elisa.
Needs a signature.
I'm on it.
I'm sorry the meeting didn't go as we hoped, but we are not giving up.
Mom, you said you'd tuck me in.
Go brush your teeth.
I'll be right there.
Was he the urgent matter that pulled you out of the conference? Yeah, babysitter emergency.
Ah.
I understand.
Where's his father? Is he around? He's not involved in Eric's life.
I see.
How old is he? Anything else you need from me? No, I think we are good.
There is just one little thing.
I know that this is none of my business, but you and Parker dated eight years ago.
Eric is Parker's son.
You're really not gonna tell Parker he has a child? I gave her my word, and I'm bound by attorney-client confidentiality.
Then why did you tell me? Because I had to tell somebody, and attorney-client is trumped by roommate-roommate.
Hmm.
Speaking of roommates Did you talk to Fred? No.
And I feel sick about it.
I was ready to tell him and beg for another chance, but then I saw Brian, and now I'm more confused than when the fed raised short-term interest rates a quarter point.
- Whoa.
- I practice my diction by reading the news.
Mm.
Wait, where is Fred, anyway? Kim kept him working all night.
It's the first time I've ever liked her.
Stacy.
Talk to Fred.
You'll feel better eventually.
Stacy, we need to talk.
We should talk.
Uh if you wouldn't mind talking.
Stacy why? You do know you're talking to yourself, right? I saw Stacy kissing another guy.
Ho! Sorry.
Sad face.
Tell me more.
I know I should confront her, but I'm afraid, as soon as I see her, I'm gonna lose my nerve.
Well, you have to be careful, because she's an actress, which means she's a professional liar.
But, then again, she's not a very good actress, so That's not true! She's an amazing actress.
Freddie, how are you gonna confront her when you're still defending her? You're right.
It's hopeless.
Why don't you let me do it? I'm Korean.
I can do things with wax that'll make her cry worse than a virgin on prom night.
Okay, I don't know what that means, but I need to do this myself.
Okay.
Remember, the recipe for a good confrontation is eye contact, breath control, and a shovel in your trunk, just in case.
You can't predict the future.
But with Practical Insurance, you have a safety net.
Leave the worry to us.
That advertisement implies that a policy holder can depend on you, correct? Absolutely.
But where does the commercial mention that Practical Insurance employs an off-site army of doctors whose sole job is to scrutinize policies of the recently deceased to find any reason not to pay? - Objection.
No foundation.
- I'll rephrase.
Given what we all know about your company, isn't this a more accurate commercial? With Practical Insurance, you have a safety net.
Leave the worry to us.
Unless, of course, you die within two years of buying your policy, at which point, you better worry.
Practical Insurance employing 75 people to look for honest mistakes to screw you out of your money.
Shut that off.
The jury will ignore the stunt and I won't tolerate grandstanding.
One more inappropriate remark from you and you will be held in contempt.
- Do you understand? - Yes, Your Honor.
I'm sorry to interrupt your perfectly justified smackdown, but I have a few questions for the witness.
Go ahead.
Mr.
Stout, was this photo obtained from a website called "Ex-Posure"? Yes, I believe it was.
Ex-Posure went out of business a year ago, which was a total shame, because its easy-to-use format was really popular with aspiring models.
My point is, your company's investigators had this photo for over a year, correct? Does that matter? If you knew about the photo yet continued to receive premiums, it's de facto acceptance that the injury was not material.
Under the doctrine of laches, Practical Insurance lost their right to rescind.
We move for a directed verdict.
I'm inclined to agree unless Mr.
Hensley has some other evidence.
Give us till the end of the week? You have till tomorrow.
Adjourned.
Jane, that was amazing.
Well, we try.
Yes, we do.
- Jane.
- Owen.
Very nice job, counselor.
What are you doing here? I'll meet you two outside.
- Okay.
- Okay.
You left my chambers so quickly, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
Yeah, well, basic party etiquette navigate, network, and never overstay your welcome.
Nice.
What are you doing now? You hungry? I would love to take you to my favorite restaurant.
We can celebrate laches.
I would love to.
Believe it or not, I've never celebrated laches before.
New bangs, totally, but never laches.
Hey.
I hope you don't mind a working dinner.
I'm starving, and the boss pays for meals after 8:00, so Looks good.
We have bone-in rib eye, baby carrots, and morel mushrooms.
Fancy.
Well, we got to eat, right? And since your trial's tomorrow, I want to make sure you're fully prepped.
Okay.
Okay.
I hope you understand that you could lose your pulpit and you're facing jail time.
I do.
Also, for the jury, I want to make sure you don't come off too preachy.
I'm a preacher.
That's what I'm talking about.
It's a little holier-than-thou.
Believe it or not, people like me.
I know what you're thinking.
For the price of the bottle you could feed six Sally Struthers kids for a year.
Actually, I was thinking that a Cab/Franc blend would have been a better pairing with the meal.
Wow.
I don't spend all my time in soup kitchens.
I worked a summer at a church in Naples, right next to a vineyard.
And before divinity school, I went to Yale, so I'm impressed.
Kim, I'm a pastor because it's my calling.
Given your life of privilege, you might not understand that.
Excuse me, Yale boy, but what life of privilege? I worked two jobs to put myself through law school.
No one gave me anything.
Well sometimes it's nice to be wrong.
So, tell me again, what made you think of that argument? I mean, it was brilliant.
Honestly, I don't know.
- I I saw that logo - Yeah.
and my brain started clicking away.
Huh.
My mind has a mind of its own.
Oh, look, that's Julie.
She worked at my old office.
Her husband left her, and she's eating alone.
Would you mind if I invited her over to join us? Uh, no, I just I don't want her to feel like a third wheel.
Wow.
That's really considerate.
You know what? I saw a lawyer that I know at the bar.
I'll invite him over, too.
I'll be right back.
That's thoughtful.
That is not your favorite movie.
I swear! Come on, what is more romantic than Stallone, all bloody and bruised, not caring if he's won or lost, just calling out for the woman he loves? "Adrian!" - "Adrian!" - "Adrian!" I guess it's late.
I should let you go.
My favorite part of "Rocky" is the turtles.
I mean, here's this bruising, blue-collar guy who just loves these little turtles.
I know.
Kind of makes you fall for him.
I don't know how you remember any of Burning Man.
- The whole thing is a haze to me.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Remember the guy the guy who looked like, uh, George Michael? Weird British guy? He had the huge nose.
We called him whammed! I once bought a car from a guy who looked like Andrew Ridgeley with a droopy eye.
Uh, he was the other guy in "Wham!".
Remember, there were two guys in "Wham!"? So, Owen, did you get your Bonnaroo reservations yet? Please.
I made next year's before I left this year's.
- Want another bottle? - Yeah, of course.
Yeah, I'm gonna get going.
I've got an early morning.
- I'll walk you out.
- No, it's fine.
Oh, look, there's Maxine.
Oh, we should invite her over.
- I haven't seen her in two years.
- I know.
She can have your seat, right, Jane? I mean, you're leaving? Oh, yeah.
I certainly am.
Maxine! Fred.
Where have you been? I've barely seen you.
Oh, um, Kim had me working all night.
All night? On what? Maxwell v.
House.
Did you just read that off the coffee can? Mnh-mnh.
Why would you lie to me about working all night? Oh, my God, you know about Stacy.
I saw it all.
And I didn't want to say anything because I'm your guardian angel and I'm not supposed to be burdening you with my problems.
Yeah, that's sweet, but I think we've proven we don't have the usual guardian angel/ reincarnated model relationship.
In that case, please help.
Okay.
Um, Stacy is at her TV show right now.
So I'll have Teri cover Kim's desk.
Just go talk to her.
Tell her how you feel.
How I feel? That would be nauseous and gassy.
- Fred.
- Gotta go.
- Thank you.
- Yep.
You need to turn around right now.
Excuse me? The pastor called.
His daughter was arrested.
- Arrested? - Yeah.
Get this for shoplifting.
- Oh, God.
- She's in lock-up.
He's waiting for you.
I just took a few things, and I was going to hand them out at church to the needy.
Honey, I respect the impulse, but this is not your responsibility Ben, the value of the stolen goods exceeds $1,000.
Even though she'll be in juvenile court, they're charging her with grand larceny.
$1,000 for what? Toilet paper and rice? They've trumped up charges against an innocent girl to get at me.
That's not true, is it, Ann? Okay, so I took a cellphone, an MP3 player, and some makeup.
No big deal.
I don't understand.
My friends have those things and I don't.
Compared to them, I'm needy.
No, Ann.
Besides, the companies that make those things are just as greedy as Onestop.
- It's not the same.
- Why not? Why do you get to decide everything? It's not fair.
What happens now? Ann will be processed and released within the hour.
You should take her home, and then I'll see you later, at your trial.
Judge Owen is on the line again.
Oh, is it a three-way conference call or maybe a party line? - Huh? - Just tell him I'm busy.
He invited you to dinner, and I said yes.
Wait.
No.
Teri! Bingum, the insurance company's lawyer just asked for a meeting.
He is on his way over.
Oh, that can only mean one thing.
Settlement.
Big settlement.
What's this? I see numbers but no dollar signs.
It's Mr.
Shayne's blood-work, taken shortly before he died.
It shows the presence of a drug called clenbuterol, which is illegal in the United States.
Now, Ms.
Shayne just so happens to have a prescription for it in Canada, where it is legal.
Make your point.
Phase-one trials suggest clenbuterol will help patients with congestive heart failure.
You would have done anything to help your father.
- Isn't that right? - Don't say anything.
You smuggled the drug into the U.
S.
, and you medicated him yourself.
How is any of this relevant to her father's insurance case? Oh, it's probably not.
But Ms.
Shayne is a registered nurse.
She did acquire the prescription under false pretenses, and I do think the nursing board would be very interested to find out about all that.
But if Ms.
Shayne drops the lawsuit, the whole file just goes away.
You're blackmailing her? I'm negotiating on behalf of my client.
Officer Fellows, some key evidence has gone missing from the vault.
Like what? I think you know.
Oh, look.
I found it.
Good work.
And keep your eyes peeled.
There's also a missing BMW.
Well, now I need a ride home.
And cut there! That was fantastic.
Let's take five, please.
Hey, Stacy, there's this big fundraiser tonight.
You want to be my date? Oh, I don't know It's at Brad and Angelina's.
what to wear! Yes, I'm in.
Great.
Oh, my God.
Can you just excuse me? - Yeah, sure.
- Just a second.
Fred, what are you doing here? Stacy, we need to talk.
Well, I can explain.
You had two days to explain.
You had two days to tell me why you kissed another guy.
Can we continue this at home? When you're back from your date with Brian? Stacy, I love you.
But if you can't decide who you want, then I don't want to be with you.
Thank you for helping me out.
You'd do the same for me.
Yes, I would.
Bingum, what's going on? - You subpoenaed documents on Elisa's case? - That's right.
She doesn't want to pursue this further.
- Why are you pushing it? - Why aren't you? This case should be really important to you.
To me? Why? Because um, because it's a chance to do the right thing, Parker.
The right thing is to respect our client's wishes.
Elisa can't afford to lose her job.
Maybe she doesn't have to.
If Practical Insurance is gonna blackmail us, then I say we fight fire with fire.
That is why I requested a list of other claimants within the 2-year rescission period.
If Practical sat on information about Elisa's father, they probably did the same thing to other policy holders.
- Precisely.
- Not bad.
Thank you.
Do you want to help us comb through the files? Yep.
When Paris Hilton wins that Oscar.
See ya, Bingum.
Excuse me.
Hey.
How could you tell Fred about me and Brian? What? I I I You, you, you, you what? Fred knows everything, and obviously you spilled the beans.
How could you do that to me?! Let's talk about what's really going on here.
Fred trusted you.
You threw him overboard for the first C-lister to come along.
Brian was rated A-minus by "E.
W.
" B.
F.
D.
Look, if you had been cast in a movie with George Clooney, and he put the moves on you, are you really saying you wouldn't have? I wouldn't have, because I love Grayson.
Fine.
You win.
But I have been your best friend since New Kids On The Block really were new kids on the block, and I expect you not to betray me.
Stacy, I didn't tell Fred.
He saw you kiss Brian.
And as your best friend, I practically begged you to tell him the truth, and you ignored me.
If you're so truthful, why don't you go into that room and tell Grayson who you really are? I didn't think so.
What did Stacy want? Oh, well, you know Stacy always making a mountain out of a broken nail.
You want to talk about it? Not really.
Okay.
Did you find anything? Uh, I'm not sure.
I do have a question.
Okay.
All right, here's the list of claimants that died within the 2-year period.
And here's Elisa's father.
Look what it says in the last column.
"Paid"? That's my question.
Oh, wait.
Grayson, this isn't even Elisa's policy.
Yeah, these numbers they're completely different.
Which means someone else took out a life-insurance policy on Elisa's father.
Ms.
Kaswell, let me put this to you delicately.
Where the hell is your client? Your Honor, I'm sure he's on his way.
The defendant's over an hour late.
I request a bench warrant for his arrest.
I have no choice.
So ordered.
Uh, Your Honor, I think I know where he might be.
Then you'd better go get him.
Thank you.
Over the past few weeks, I've said some controversial things.
I said them not to be controversial.
Well, not just to be controversial.
And I'm now humbled before you as I confess I was wrong.
Over the past 24 hours, I've come to understand that shoplifting will not solve our problems but will only create new ones.
Every day, I'm awed by what humanity has accomplished.
When we come together, we build bridges and towers that seem to stand by faith alone.
But more importantly, together, we build a community.
Our challenge as a community and a congregation is to ensure that none of us become so desperate so invisible that our only option for survival is to steal.
In the Lord's name Amen.
Amen.
I thought we had an understanding.
You don't want to go back to court, now, do you? No, I think we can settle this right here and now.
You've heard of the term "janitor's insurance" when a corporation takes out life-insurance policies on their rank-and-file employees? It's a little controversial.
Yes, I know what it is.
FTH, the factory that employed our client's father, engaged in this controversial practice.
In fact, they took out a policy on his life.
Not illegal.
Except, under the doctrine of collateral estoppel, it is illegal for Practical Insurance to pay out one policy and not the other when the claims are identical, which they are.
And thanks to our subpoena, we know that our client isn't alone.
Now, you have something on our client.
We have something on you.
So, you're blackmailing us.
We're negotiating on behalf of our client.
We'll pay, as long as you don't go to any other potential claimants.
We'd like a check by the end of the day.
Wait a minute.
Jane, I need to speak to you outside.
Okay.
I can't take that deal.
What? Why? You heard that lawyer.
I won't let my father's friends and co-workers be taken by that company.
Elisa, you need the money, and you need your job.
Well, if we reject their offer and they report me to the nursing board, I still get the insurance money, though, right? Probably, but you'll lose your license.
I can find another job.
I won't change my mind.
Okay.
Kim! Pastor.
I think we're past that.
But, seriously, how'd you get me released so quickly? Well, you did most of the work yourself in your sermon.
The A.
U.
S.
A.
has offered up deals for both you and your daughter.
No jail time but plenty of community service.
I don't know how to thank you.
Sorry.
No.
Don't be.
Um, I need to come clean about something.
There's someone else.
And kissing me made you realize how much you'd rather be kissing him? No.
Yes.
Maybe.
I appreciate the honesty.
"The world is too dangerous for anything but truth" "and too small for anything but love.
" The esteemed reverend William Sloane Coffin.
Oh.
Um, well, "thank you for being a friend.
" The theme song to "The Golden Girls.
" Jane? I got your message.
Please, come sit down.
I'm so sorry, but, as we thought, the nursing board is suspending your license pending a full investigation.
Yeah.
Well, at least I get to keep the insurance money and pay off some bills.
Yeah.
You know what? Let's go get a drink.
Celebrate the good news and forget about the bad.
I would, but I got to Oh, of course.
You have to get home to Eric.
Yeah.
Okay, are you sure that you don't want to tell Parker? Tell me what? Um uh, the bad news.
I heard, and that's why I'm here.
While we fight to help you keep your nursing license, I'd like to offer you a job here.
Really? One of our temps quit.
It's mostly clerical stuff.
- I'll take it.
- Great.
Let's go fill out some paperwork so you can get started immediately.
Okay.
Jane Thank you so much for everything.
You're welcome.
Ohhhhm! Ohhhhm! What are you doing, Stace? I am trying to meditate, but every time I close my eyes, I just see Fred's face, and if you're going to yell at me some more, please don't.
I'm not gonna yell at you.
He's gone.
He took all of his things, even our toothbrush.
You share a toothbrush? Well, not anymore.
Do you hate me, too? I'm just sad for you guys.
You know, I thought you were so happy.
Did I make a huge mistake? I mean, should I go find him and beg for him to come back? Are you ready to give up Brian? No I'm not.
Sweetie, are you going out? Yeah.
Owen asked me to dinner, not that he'd notice if I didn't show up.
What? I think we're just friends which is fine.
Ooh, I gotta go.
Bye.
Bye.
Please, sit anywhere you like preferably with me.
Did you rent out the entire restaurant? I'm friends with the owner.
Yes, you do have a lot of friends.
Jane, you ever owned a Guinea pig? That's an odd question, Owen.
Uh, no, I cannot say that I have.
Oh, they're fun, sweet, very friendly.
You put one with another one bam, they're best friends.
I'm kind of like a Guinea pig.
Well, it's it's nice to be social.
It's also nice to be with you just you.
I'll tell you something else about Guinea pigs their neuroendocrine stress response is significantly lowered in the presence of a single female.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Am I lowering your neuroendocrine stress response? You are.
You're also making my heart race.