Home Economics (2021) s03e11 Episode Script

1
So how's the design
job going with Santiago?
Ugh. He's a terrible contractor.
He keeps on making changes
without my approval,
and then when I ask him why
he did it, he's all like,
"It's better this way."
- So patronising.
- Mom, I think that's enough.
Enough? Oh, no, Camila,
I could go on and on.
- No, the juice.
- Oh.
Mm, Marina is still arguing
with her hunky contractor, huh?
Your own personal Cuban Missile Crisis.
Bet you're pretty happy about that.
- Ha-ha.
- Get it? 'Cause he's Cuban.
- Yeah, I got it.
- And the missile
- would be his
- Yeah, no, I said I got it, man. Look
I just want what's
best for her, you know?
And if that means that her
partnership with Santiago
blows up, and she partners
with a less attractive,
possibly female contractor so be it.
And I can't say anything
about the way he treats me,
'cause then I'll be
labeled as "difficult."
Marina, this is classic
workplace sexism.
You have to speak up.
She's right.
Your voice is the strongest
antiseptic to the infection
- that is the patriarchy.
- Whoa.
Where did that come from?
Oh, Mom got me a book
called "Your Voice is
the Strongest Antiseptic
to the Infection
- That is the Patriarchy."
- Of course she did.
You gotta stand up to this guy.
You know what? Mija, you're right.
I'm gonna go to him
and I'm gonna tell him
that he needs to treat
me with some respect,
and if he doesn't want to,
then I don't wanna work with him.
Yes, do it for all women
in male-dominated spaces.
- Yes!
- Lean in!
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
Can I have some of that OJ?
Yeah, go ahead and wash
down your male entitlement.
Woman does the work
and you reap the spoils.
Gaslighter.
But I'm thirsty.
Not your moment, buddy.
Just trust me, walk away.
You seem like you're in a good mood.
Your investments back up?
I'm working on it.
You know, falling to the
bottom of the 1% of the 1%
has really made me
rethink my spending habits.
I now look at the price
before I buy things.
Oh my God. That must be horrible.
You know a gallon of
milk costs 20 bucks?
It does not. That's not even close.
Lupe sent me the receipt.
This is because you
had one gallon of milk
delivered from an artisanal market
all the way across town.
Plus you tipped the guy 9 bucks.
We had to send him back for cereal.
I guess I got to start budgeting.
- Did someone say budgeting?
- Oh, crap.
That word's like my bat signal.
If you're trying to save
money, today is coupon day.
Speak on that.
Oh, Connor, Connor, baby, ho ho ho.
Coupon day is a magical day once a month
when coupons are worth double.
Denise, Connor's still worth millions.
I'm not sure he's going
to get into couponing.
Exploiting a financial system
to increase asset retention?
Literally my bread and butter.
Ah, would you look at that?
A coupon for bread and butter.
- Wanna cruise the aisles with me?
- I'm down.
I can break in my new
Elite Executive Black Card.
Every purchase earns me
double points on yacht rentals.
It's kinda like a coupon, right?
- Starting to regret this.
- The only two people who have
- this card are me and Rihanna.
- Please stop.
Hola. How's it going?
It's going as quickly as possible.
Sorry is this semi-gloss?
I definitely said flat.
I got semi-gloss instead.
Without asking me?
Trust me, it's better this way.
That's it.
Santiago, you can't treat
me like this anymore.
Like what?
You second guess my
work, you change things
without my approval.
And I grew up with enough
of this machista crap.
I don't need it at work too.
So unless you can treat me
with some professional respect,
I think we should part ways.
I'm sorry.
See, I knew you were going to go there.
And listen what did you say?
I'm a bad communicator.
I've been working on it in therapy.
Therapy?
The hardest remodel of all is the soul.
I grew up with five brothers and a dad
that never said "I love you."
But that's just a justification.
That is not an excuse,
as Dr. Friedman says.
Oh.
The reason I switched to semi-glass
is because this family
has three kids and a dog.
- And they're gonna need
- And they need something
that wipes. Of course.
Still getting a handle
on this design thing.
Well, you have a real talent for it.
And I would know,
because I have worked with
a lot of folks who don't know
their wicker from their rattan.
Thank you.
Wow, so this went well.
So what's on the
schedule for today, boss?
Oh, I don't know.
I was planning on having
stormed out by now.
I even had a good burn for when I left.
Ooh, yeah? What was it?
Forget your stud finder.
You're gonna need a new designer finder.
- I mean
- Yeah, it's a fun area, but
Yeah, but, no, there's something there.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So you're telling me
I can use these two
coupons on the same item?
Oh yeah.
Because that one is
from the manufacturer,
and that one is from the
store. It's called stacking.
The store hates it, but there's
nothing they can do about it.
- Oh, you're bad.
- Then why does it feel so good?
- Ha ha ha.
- Okay, one more thing.
My lucky fanny pack.
- I'll wear it proudly.
- I know you will.
Okay.
Connor, this is where we part.
I can't have you slowing me down.
I'll see you on the other side.
Whoa, whoa.
- Nice fanny pack.
- Thanks.
It's limited edish.
Mm, so fashion forward.
Don't judge me. I like sardines.
- Mm.
- Mmm
A gallon of milk is $4?
Wow.
Inflation's a bitch.
Following me?
Chh, you wish.
You've been following me
since the frozen food aisle.
Ah? I bet the security
footage would say otherwise.
- Ugh.
- Oh, I actually have a coupon for that.
Oh, is that what the fanny pack is for?
2 bucks off your detergent.
- Don't tell anyone.
- Call me old-fashioned,
but I can't take a
coupon from a stranger.
In that case, I'm Connor.
Nikki.
- Will that be cash or card?
- Uh, card.
Are you gonna enter in your phone number
- for the member discount?
- I'm not a member.
You can use mine. Give me your phone.
There. Now you have my number
- for, you know, groceries.
- Sorry.
- Your card won't go through.
- Oh, can you try it again?
I really need these points.
Yeah, sorry. No.
Mm, all right, I'll pay cash.
If I had a dollar for every
time my card got declined,
it would never get declined.
Surprise.
Hey!
What are you doing here?
Well, I could tell you'd been
having a rough time at work.
So I swung by Morningstar's,
picked up your favourite drink.
Six shots of espresso?
And nine pumps of hazelnut.
I was embarrassed ordering it.
Oh my God, honey, this is perfect.
Thank you.
Oh, and by the way, I had
that talk with Santiago.
Oh. What happened? Did he
storm out? Ugh, I hate that.
Well, that's what I was expecting.
He's a jerk, all right? Good riddance.
You know, If you need help,
I can roll up my sleeves
and call some new contractors.
Hey Marine oh, hey,
Tom, it's good to see you.
Hey, Santiago, you're still here
with that very strong handshake.
We actually talked and hashed
everything out this morning.
So isn't that great?
Wow, so great, so great.
Oh, by the way, honey, can you
do dinner without me tonight?
Santiago and I need to
grab a bite and work late.
Oh, okay, you guys are
having dinner together,
you and, uh, Santiago?
Yeah, we got slammed with
a request from our client.
"I said vintage subway tiles."
Oh my gosh.
She sounds exactly like that.
Don't do that.
Or don't do that.
Come to our house.
I'll grill up some steaks.
You haven't touched the grill in a year.
Well, all the more reason.
It's grill season, baby.
Steaks sound great.
- Yeah.
- All right, then.
That's a date.
Well, it's not a date.
That's kind of a weird way to put it.
It's just three people
hanging out, two of which
are committed to each
other for life. Ha.
- What did you take?
Like eight cheese samples?
Hey, if they wanted one per customer,
they should've set a sign
that said one per customer.
Oh, look at this jerk.
You don't you don't like that car?
It's just rich people
thinking they can take two parking spots
like they own the world.
- Yeah.
- Meanwhile, we're cutting coupons just to get by.
Yeah, I mean, they probably just,
you know, didn't want
someone in this lot
to ding their nice car.
Probably happens all the time,
and they were tired of it.
But, yeah, to hell with him or her.
I don't know who owns it.
Well, you know, this has been nice.
You have my number now.
So maybe I'll meet you at
the deli counter sometime.
Totally, yeah. I'm gonna, um
call a bus.
Connor, where are you going?
Wait a second. These don't look right.
Now if you've cranked up that heat,
slap those steaks on the
grill for about four minutes.
Is it four minutes total or
four minutes on each side?
- Hey grill master.
- Hey oh!
Hey.
It's just a little grill humour.
Hello, Mrs. Cow?
Unfortunately, I have some
bad news about your husband.
- Do you need help?
- No, not at all.
What are you talking about?
This is my domain, or my bro-main.
You know, if you want to
put something on there,
I have a spicy marinade
recipe that is
We don't want that.
Marina likes her meat plain.
I don't know, it might be
interesting to try something
with a, you know, some more flavour.
Why? Why would you say that?
Plain meat's always been good to you.
I'm sure it's not the
most exciting recipe,
but it's reliable.
- What?
- What? Nothing.
Hear that sizzle?
Looks like it's time to get
these bad boys off the pit.
Oh okay!
Dinner and a show, right?
Well, I get why she
thought you were poor.
I did give you a fanny
pack full of coupons
and took you to a grocery
store called Sav-Eez.
But she made it very clear
how she feels about rich people.
And I'm rich.
You're what?
I'm serious.
She seemed so cool and funny and smart.
Ugh, sometimes being
a millionaire sucks.
Yeah, that's why I chose not to do it.
Hello.
Hey it's Nikki from the grocery store.
I think we may have
swapped a bag at checkout.
I'm pretty sure I didn't
buy Thick Boy protein powder.
Oh yeah, it looks like I have yours too.
Well, you know, I can
come by and swap bags.
Okay, great, yeah, I'll
text you the address.
Okay, I'll see you soon.
Yeah, bye n bye now.
Hey!
Hi.
I'm sorry. I'm a little confused.
Is this your house?
Yeah, so funny story. Um
No, yeah, no, I just work here for her.
- It's her house.
- This is what?
And she is super rich. So lame.
So, yeah, I basically just
manage things around here.
It's Denise's place.
She is a super high
net worth individual.
She actually invented Go-Gurt.
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
Okay, Connor, this is so
true, so true.
You know, one day, I thought to myself,
what if people could
suck dairy from a tube?
So here we are.
- Well, I'm a big fan.
- Of course you are.
You know, why don't you sit
on my very expensive couch,
and my houseboy will
get you some iced tea?
Houseboy?
All right, let's chow down.
I gave these a healthy char.
Yep, the tougher the better.
I could, uh
I could bring some fruit salad.
Oh, it's not that bad.
You know, when my grandfather
taught me how to grill,
he would always say
Well, my grandfather used to say,
Marina
Totally.
Ah!
That's great.
- Tom.
- I was just explaining
how my other grandfather was murdered
in the Cuban Revolution.
And his memory lives on.
That's great.
Thank you for sharing
that story with us.
Does anyone want a beer?
Yeah, yeah, I'll take one.
Here you go. Oh, you know what?
I forgot the opener.
- I'll go grab it.
- Oh, no need, no need.
Uh Increíble.
Yeah, totally in-cre-íble.
- Want me to do you?
- Sure.
No, no, no, I'll do her.
Thanks. I'll be the one doing her.
Let me just get the right angle here.
You know, I can open that.
I said I got it, all right?
Tom, you're scuffing the table.
You know what, I saw
this in a movie once.
- Oh
- Oh God, no.
- Don't do that.
- I got it.
Put the beer down.
I got it
Ah.
Are you okay?
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
This beer tastes like blood.
Is your boss okay with me being here?
Oh yeah, especially now
that she's drinking
one of her most
expensive bottles of wine.
Well, this isn't the worst
place in the world to work.
Yeah.
I mean, I spend all my days putting
thermometers up dog butts.
So you're a paralegal, huh?
No, but, seriously, you're a vet, right?
Vet tech.
And I actually really love it.
I prefer animals over people, so
My daughter's been
begging me for a puppy.
And she's pretty hard to say no to.
- You have a daughter?
- Yeah, I'm divorced.
It's a whole thing.
I get it. Been there.
- You're divorced too?
- Several years now.
Not to brag, but I was
married and divorced
before I turned 27, so
Yeah, I'm on track to
have a midlife crisis
by the time I'm 35.
To making mistakes early.
Oh, houseboy.
- Houseboy!
- Coming.
Sorry.
You have to come clean.
I don't want to be here anymore.
Then just go.
I'm not going to leave
and let you continue
to lie to this woman
in my yogurt mansion.
I just need a little more time.
Fine. I'm going to make myself a snack.
No, you can't. I'm
supposed to be the houseboy.
Okay.
Houseboy, I'd love a grilled cheese.
Coming right up. A grilled cheese?
I don't know how to make one of those.
That was the simplest
thing I could think of.
Oh, if you're making grilled
cheese, I want in on that.
I'll make it a grilled cheese for two.
You guys all done with work?
Because I heard a lot of laughing there.
It didn't sound like work,
but, I mean, what do I know?
I'm not in "the biz."
Tom, is something bothering you?
No, nothing.
I mean, I guess a
little bit of jaw pain.
- Great, so you're not jealous.
- Of course I'm jealous.
How can I not be jealous?
You guys are all BFFs with your
work jokes, and your Spanish,
and your perfectly symmetrical faces.
How am I supposed to compete with that?
You don't need to compete with that.
He's just some guy that I work with.
Oh, so you're telling me
that you've never pictured him
as an underwear model? Because I have.
Let me tell you something.
He's pulling it off.
Okay, fine, he's objectively attractive.
Oh! Ho ho ho!
But you want to know what he isn't?
He isn't the kind of guy who brings me
my favourite coffee to work because he
thinks I'm having a bad day.
He isn't the kind of guy who
supports me to quit my job
because he knows that I'm trying
to chase my dream of
becoming an interior designer.
I guess I did do all those things.
There is no competition
because I choose you, okay?
And I would choose you
over and over again.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
There's not just like
a little part of you
- that might want to
- Ay, dios mío.
I'm going to go shower.
You're crazy.
He's a frickin' smokeshow.
Okay, grilled cheese,
which is no doy,
bread and cheese.
And I'm going to go ahead
and cook it in the
- On the stove.
- on the stove, obviously.
Come on, who's the houseboy here?
Okay, easy peasy, grilled cheesy.
Connor!
What did we say about
you touching the stove?
Uh, who is this?
Oh, this is Lupe. She
She's the next door neighbour.
Yeah, she's also super
rich. Right, Lupe?
Yes. I'm wealthy.
My father made his
fortune in blood diamonds,
so I grew up in privilege.
But I always knew that
our wealth came at a price,
which is why I have devoted
myself to philanthropy
and running my foundation,
the Lupe Moreno Initiative,
which seeks to repair the damage
caused by the unethical
harvesting of mine diamonds.
Whoa.
Sometimes I forget all that.
And you don't want
Connor touching the stove?
There was once a fire at
our summer home in Vienna.
Ever since, I have made it my mission
to campaign against open flame.
Anyway, I'm going to return
to my mansion next door now
with my dry cleaning.
I wear men's pants.
Okay.
Does anyone want to
tell me what's going on?
Connor?
She's my housekeeper.
Denise is my sister-in-law.
I'm not a houseboy.
I'm a-I'm a mansion boy, a mansion man.
I'm sorry.
Ugh. I should have known when you said
you had to call a bus.
You don't deserve to use coupons.
My mom was right.
I'm only attracted to liars
and guys who play bass.
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
That was dumb.
It's just that, I don't know.
We met and we clicked, and it was great.
And then you said
you hated rich guys.
And I didn't want you to hate me.
So you lied?
Yeah, but not about everything.
I mean, besides being one
of the Bay Area's leading
private equity investors,
I really am that guy
that you met at the store.
I'm a divorced dad of
an awesome daughter.
And I like you.
And I like saving money with coupons.
Oh my it's literally just free money
- sitting on the table.
- That's what I'm saying!
So would you consider
giving me a second chance?
I did like the fanny pack.
Is that a "yes"?
Maybe.
I'll take it. I got a "maybe."
Hola.
Oh, hey.
Sorry about dinner last night.
Oh, that's all right.
I've had worse steak.
Actually, I haven't.
Uh, this is going to sound silly,
but Tom is a little sensitive
about us working together,
especially because you're, well,
you've looked in the mirror.
Anyway, I told him that obviously
everything between us is just business.
Totally.
Unless it's not.
Ha, right.
What?
Marina
Let's stop playing games.
Oh, I I
I didn't know we were playing games.
W-what games?
Scrabble?
Yahtzee?
Good morning mi esposa hermosa.
Breakfast in bed for milady.
I'm "sor"?
Yeah, well it was
supposed to say "sorry,"
but I ran out of berries.
Oh.
I just wanted to say
I'm "sor" for yesterday.
I was being insecure and jealous.
And plus I'd had that
half of beer, so
Anyway, I just want you to know if you
tell me that you're not
attracted to Santiago,
I 100% trust you.
I won't spend another
moment worrying about it.
Me either.
I was going to spend the
summer in the Hamptons,
but the humidity, oh, I'm over it.
Darling, you must go to Menorca.
It's the new Mallorca.
How funny, my newest
horse is from Menorca.
That's a scream.
Are you guys almost finished?
- What's that, houseboy?
- It's getting late. I'm hungry.
Why don't you make
yourself a grilled cheese?
Gretchen, do you know
how to unlock the stove?
The houseboy has quite the attitude.
Yeah, I'm thinking about
replacing him with a robot.
Now that's an idea.