iCarly s03e11 Episode Script

And here we have the hazelnut, which is a cousin of the macadamia nut.
Oh, and this is the Kayla nut, named after princess Kayla Dupree, who became famous for throwing nuts at poor people.
Okay, that's all the time we have for, Gibby.
But I'm not done yet.
Yeah, you are.
Take care.
Now, you may be asking yourself, "do Carly and Sam care about science?" No.
But we do think it might be fun to watch food rot.
Which is why we'd like to introduce a new iCarly segment called Let's watch food rot.
Now, come check out what we did to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Okay.
Now, Sam and I dismantled this peanut butter and jelly sandwich that Sam took from some kid at school.
Yeah, I'm the kid.
Gibby.
Now, our awesome technical producer-- Fredaloopay.
--Has installed a special camera that will constantly record this sandwich over the next four weeks.
Mm, 24/7.
And when the four weeks are up Freddie's gonna speed up the video So we can show you the rotting of the sandwich In only 30 seconds.
So if you're a loser At least you got that to look forward to.
Okay.
That's all for this iCarly.
Till next time.
Bye.
And we're clear.
Oh.
Yes.
Yeah.
Good show, guys.
What up with that Fredaloopay business? Hey, Gibby.
Are you ready? Oh, hey.
Uh, just a sec.
Let me grab my briefcase.
That's tasha? Uh-huh.
And you're dating her? Yeah, pretty much.
Let's hit it.
I told you she was hot.
Yeah, but you didn't say she was that hot.
How does he get one of those? I want one of those.
In 5, 4, 3, 2 I know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no change unless you take one it's the time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give your best and leave the rest to me Hi.
What's going on? I'm shredding newspapers with an industrial gasoline-powered paper shredder.
How was school? I don't remember or care.
Man, why do they even make these things anymore? Some people still read newspapers.
Yeah, hobos and the elderly.
So why are you industrially shredding newspapers? 'Cause that snooty art critic oliver Dixon from the Seattle tribune wrote a mean review of my sculptures.
He did? That jerk.
Yeah.
So I grabbed as many of these as I could find and now I'm making oliver Dixon's review feel this.
That felt nice.
Man, look at all the-- holy chiz on a chizel.
What? "Spencer Shay of Seattle "died of natural causes last Saturday.
" It doesn't say that.
It says that.
Nice.
First, they insult my art and then they call me dead, which, incidentally, I'm not.
So are you gonna call the tribune and yell at 'em? Nah, who cares? People don't read newspapers anymore.
Hey.
Uh, my mom can't find our newspaper.
You guys seen it? All right, have fun at school.
I'll miss you.
You don't have to miss me.
Huh? Check your phone.
New video message.
Click it.
What's up, tasha? Who's thinkin' about you? That's right.
This guy.
Oh, that is so sweet.
Yeah.
Hey, home fries.
Hi.
So, you guys comin' to Carly's hobo party? That sounds so fun.
How great is her attitude? Come on, I'll walk you to your car.
How? I I don't know.
I don't know.
Hey.
Howdy.
You play the ukulele? Yeah, a little.
Wow.
That's never been established.
So Spencer still mad about the newspaper saying he was dead? Nah, he was way more bummed about the bad review of his sculptures.
So where is Spence? He went to the Seattle civic center to help out that charity, the angels of Seattle.
They're teaching sculpting to underprivileged kids.
Nice.
You know, my mom was an angel for a while till they kicked her out.
Why? They hated her.
Ah.
Hey, I gotta go up to the studio and update some firmware on our server.
Have fun, Captain techno.
Coming.
Carly.
Oh, hey, mister Klemish, one apartment down.
Right.
7-c.
Yes.
I came by to-- hey, the door's locked.
The key is on top of the thingy.
My friend Freddie is trying to-- I can't find it.
Come in.
I'll be right back.
What's the matter with you? Hi.
No, I'm making a condolence call.
Oh, a young artist named Spencer Shay who died last Saturday.
His poor little sister.
Yeah, just order me a turkey sandwich with mustard and pickles.
Hey.
Sorry.
My friend Freddie was bein' spazzy.
So what's up? I was so sorry to read about Spencer in the paper.
Oh, yeah.
It was really negative, wasn't it? Yes, well, uh, but-- I mean, I guess it happens to every artist sooner or later, right? I suppose.
But this was so soon, too--so unexpected.
Yeah, Spencer sure didn't expect it.
But he's all right now.
He's sculpting with the angels.
That's a great way to look at it.
Uh, I don't know if Spencer told you, but I talked to him about buying his pencil sculpture before he-- you know? Oh.
You mean this one? Yes.
Well, did you and Spencer agree on a price? Not really.
He mentioned 500, but we were still discussing it.
Oh.
Well, shoot, I wish he was here.
Oh, we all wish Spencer was here.
One sec.
What, Lewbert? Delivery comin' up in the elevator.
Okay.
Anyway, if Spencer said 500, I'm sure You know what? I'm just gonna give you 2,000 for it.
Yes.
When artists are gone, their artwork becomes much more valuable.
Right.
Right.
What? I'm so sorry.
What do you mean by hi.
Flowers for Carly Shay? That's me.
I'm sorry for your loss.
What'd I lose? Hay-dee ho-dee doober.
Hi.
Who are the flowers from? I don't know.
I didn't read the card yet.
Here.
"Carly, I'm so sorry "for your loss.
"Spencer will be dearly missed.
Principal Franklin.
" That's weird.
It sounds like he thinks that-- you're dead.
Say what? The obituary in the paper, people think you're dead.
Ah, that's it.
I'm gonna call that newspaper.
Now I know why Mr.
Klemish gave me $2,000 for your pencil sculpture.
What? 2,000 what? Two g's.
But I told klemish I'd probably sell it for around 500.
Well, he said artists get more money for their work after they're dead.
Hello? No, I'm sorry, Spencer is dead.
Thanks, thanks for coming to my hobo party.
Thanks.
Bye.
See you, guys.
I heard the door slam.
Party over? Yes, you can come out now.
Yay, I'm starved.
Oh.
Why didn't you just come out during the party? 'Cause I'm dead.
Don't poke me.
He's not dead.
He's just pretending to be so he can trick people into spending more money for his art.
It was not my idea.
I'm a victim of poor newspapermanship.
Hey, you want us to help you clean up? Thanks, sure.
I'll check and see if the couch is okay.
Aahh, this might take awhile.
Hey, will you help me with something? Sure.
You know, Gibby's birthday is next week.
Yeah, he handed out these flyers.
Well, I wanna get him a video camera.
Can you give me some advice? Yeah, I got a little one up in the studio that'd be perfect.
Come on up, I'll show you.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, so this is Gibby's girlfriend? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Interesting.
Why? See? Palm size, with an optical zoom, flash memory, It can also take-- Gibby likes to make videos of his cat.
Is it good for that? Yes, it works on cats.
Oh, awesome.
Oh, Gibby's looking for me.
I should get back downstairs.
Um, why don't you e-mail me-- oh You all right? I'm just a klutz.
No.
What? What? It's not what you think.
I invite you to my friend's house-- Gibby.
--I bring you an ice cream cone, and you do that to me? We were just-- you shut your mouth, Benson.
I don't need your details.
You don't understand.
I saw what I saw.
You betrayed me.
You both betrayed me.
Gibby.
Listen, it didn't happen like that.
No, you listen, nerd.
Nerd? I'm gonna beat you down.
Friday.
Behind the gym.
At 3:02.
And bring a mop for your blood.
Hey.
Hey, Fredwich.
Hi.
What's wrong? Gibby texted me 10 times today.
What did he text you? "I'm going "to make you bleed "On Friday At 3:02.
" "I love you, mom.
" "Wait, that last text "wasn't for you.
It was for my mom.
" Well, that's what you get for mackin' on his girlfriend.
We fell.
We know.
I know.
And I'm not gonna fight Gibby.
I don't wanna hurt the kid.
I could beat up Gibby if I wanted to, right? That's a pretty shirt.
Well, Gibby is kind of thick.
Whatever.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
You can't.
He stayed home from school today.
How come? Freddie Benson, mackin' on my girlfriend, betrayin' me.
Unacceptable.
Feel me? Gibby, I made you some lemonade.
No drinks.
Spencer, we're back.
Hey, hey, hey.
Awesome.
Did you, uh, get the Yes, I got them.
Yeah.
I love sizzle rocks.
Mmm.
Sam, listen, you can hear 'em crackle in my mouth.
Get your face off my ear.
You know, I'm getting a bad feeling about you pretending to be dead just so you can get more money for your art.
A, the newspaper said I was dead, not me.
B, look at these.
Whoa.
Dude.
Where did you get that? Socko sold three more of my sculptures today.
People are buying them for five times more money just 'cause I'm dead.
But you're not dead.
That isn't my fault.
Look, if people are dumb enough to think art is worth more money just 'cause the artist is dead, that's their problem.
But still, isn't that taking advantage of people? I see nothing wrong with taking advantage of the stupid.
That's why we have stupid people.
Ooh, that could be an art customer.
Hi.
Hello.
I'm oliver Dixon.
I'm the art critic from the Seattle tribune.
Oh.
You're the one who wrote that mean review about Spencer's sculptures.
Yes.
May I please You know, you got a lot of nerve coming here after writing that stuff about Spencer.
He was so upset, he died.
Yeah, his last words were "why, oliver Dixon, why?" So what do you want? Well, to express my condolences and actually I would like to buy one of Spencer's sculptures if I could.
I thought you hated his art.
I do--I did.
But when Spencer passed, I looked at his sculptures again and realized I was wrong.
They're whimsical and inspired.
Well, it's too bad Spencer had to die for you to get that he's an awesome artist.
Hey, I just got an idea.
Why don't you write another article about Spencer saying how fantastic his artwork is? That would lessen my pain.
Oh, oh, then I'll do it.
I'll text my editor and let her know.
Thank you.
Good.
Let's get some real money out of this guy.
Yeah, that's my girl.
So you wanna buy one of Spencer's sculptures? 'Cause she'd be willing to sell this one.
Oh, that's very dynamic.
Uh, 2,000? Oh, I can't afford four-- you killed my brother.
I'll Gibby.
Listen, this whole thing has gotten way outta-- that was a chai latte.
Well, I'm gonna make you a die latte.
Yeah, I said it.
Nothing happened between me and tasha.
I was just talking to her and she-- and you lost control and tried to kiss her up.
I'm gonna break you.
Come on, gib.
Time to train, kid.
Good.
You're training him to fight me? Why? 'Cause Carly asked me to go over to his house and talk him out of fighting you-- to no avail.
Oh, and the fight's not gonna be behind the gym anymore.
There's been a change in venue.
To where? iCarly.
You and Gibby are gonna swing it out live on the Web.
Why? 'Cause who wouldn't wanna watch Gibby pound the fudge out of you? Let's go, gib.
Say bye-bye to your fudge.
Gibby.
Comin'.
My fudge.
One spoon, two spoons.
Whoa, three spoons, four spoons, five spoons.
This is not entertaining.
Hey.
Carly, come here.
Come interact with me.
What's the matter with you? I can't take being dead anymore.
Being dead is so boring.
Quit being dead.
But I'm finally having the art career I always dreamed of.
And it's worth hiding in our apartment 24/7? I thought so, but then I was reduced to counting spoons.
That could be a customer.
Oh, Spencer.
Get the door, get the door, get the door, get the door.
Carly? Veronica? Yeah.
I didn't know if you'd remember me.
How can I not remember a girl my brother was totally in love with? You know, till you dumped him.
Yeah.
I, um, I heard about Spencer's passing.
I just can't believe he's gone.
Oh, are the dead really ever gone? You know, I used to think that he was so crazy and too loud.
Too loud? And that whole tux thing was so bizarre.
Yeah.
But Spencer was just a creative, fun spirit.
I wish I could just hold him one more time.
You can hold me.
I'm not dead.
See? I was just pretending so my sculptures would be worth more.
You're insane.
Why am I enjoying this? No.
No, no, no.
I'm a creative, fun spirit that can learn to be less loud.
Wait, wait To be less loud.
No, wait.
Don't go, don't go, don't, don't.
I'm not Spencer.
I'm his twin brother, Spuncer.
Really.
We could do a blood test.
If you did have a twin brother, why would his name need to sound similar to yours? Are you really gonna do this? Well, I can't back down.
Gibby.
He betrayed me.
Hi, tasha.
Hi.
What are you doin' here? I miss you.
Nothing happened with me and Freddie.
Yeah, tell your story walkin'.
Can I stay and watch the show? Yeah, sure.
I don't care.
Here we go.
In 5, 4, 3-- Freddie.
--2 I'm Frank.
I'm a toaster.
And this is the Frank and toaster show.
J-k.
This is iCarly.
And it's fight night.
For the record, I'm totally against this.
I'm not.
Tonight, live on iCarly, you're gonna see an all-out bare knuckle boy fight between Gibby And our very own technical producer, Freddie.
That's not the photo I approved.
And once the dumb fight is over I'll call Freddie an ambulance.
I was gonna say we'll be checking in on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that's been rotting here for over a week, constantly recorded by Freddie's surveillance camera.
Wait.
Uh, tasha, hold the camera.
Apparently, Freddie's lost his mind, so we're just gonna try to-- I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner.
Uh, tasha, over here.
See, the reason Gibby wants to fight me is that he thinks I tried to kiss his girlfriend.
I seen it with my own eyes.
Yeah, well, the rotting sandwich Cam saw it too.
So now take a look at what really happened.
See, Gibby? Tasha tripped and we fell.
That's all.
Man, I feel like a turd.
Yay, no fight.
iCarly, where we make food rot And rebuild relationships.
Yeah, um, we're gonna take a little break here So please enjoy this emergency pre-taped video of my brother Spencer filling a sock with raw hamburger meat.
I'm sorry I acted so turdy.
Bros? Bros.
What about me? You're back in.
Oh, thank you.
Hey, hey, heyLater.
Okay.
Gibby gone.
How does he get her? There's gotta be somethin' wrong with that chick.
Oh, come on.
Gibby's sweet and cute and fun and there's gotta be something wrong with that girl