Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e11 Episode Script
Takes the Cake
Narrator: COMING UP, WHAT'S GOT MURR HOT AND BOTHERED? OH! SO MUCH BETTER.
GOT MURR HOT AND BOTHERED? OH! SO MUCH BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH! SO MUCH BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: HAS SAL FOUND THREE [ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: HAS SAL FOUND THREE NEW BEST FRIENDS? Narrator: HAS SAL FOUND THREE NEW BEST FRIENDS? CHEERS.
NEW BEST FRIENDS? CHEERS.
LADIES NIGHT.
CHEERS.
LADIES NIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LADIES NIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER [ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER TAKES THE CAKE IN TONIGHT'S BIG Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER TAKES THE CAKE IN TONIGHT'S BIG PUNISHMENT? TAKES THE CAKE IN TONIGHT'S BIG PUNISHMENT? [ LAUGHTER .]
PUNISHMENT? [ LAUGHTER .]
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING [ LAUGHTER .]
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! [ LAUGHTER .]
TODAY, WE'RE HANGING OUT AT THE SKI LODGE AT THE MOUNTAIN CREEK SKI AND SNOWBOARD THE SKI LODGE AT THE MOUNTAIN CREEK SKI AND SNOWBOARD RESORT.
WHILE, CRUISING AROUND THE LODGE, WE'VE GOT TO DO AND SAY LODGE, WE'VE GOT TO DO AND SAY WHAT THE OTHER FELLAS TELL US.
WHAT THE OTHER FELLAS TELL US.
IF YOU REFUSE, YOU LOSE.
IF YOU REFUSE, YOU LOSE.
HYAH! HYAH! [ GASPS .]
[ GASPS .]
WHY?! WHY?! [ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
MURR, YOUR SKIN RESEMBLES A MURR, YOUR SKIN RESEMBLES A CORPSE THAT WAS PULLED OUT OF THE RIVER.
CORPSE THAT WAS PULLED OUT OF THE RIVER.
YOU'RE SO WHITE.
THE RIVER.
YOU'RE SO WHITE.
WHAT'S -- WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU'RE SO WHITE.
WHAT'S -- WHAT'S GOING ON? TRY TO STAY OUT OF THE SUN WHAT'S -- WHAT'S GOING ON? TRY TO STAY OUT OF THE SUN YOU [BLEEP.]
VAMPIRE.
TRY TO STAY OUT OF THE SUN YOU [BLEEP.]
VAMPIRE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU [BLEEP.]
VAMPIRE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, SEE THE GIRL IN THE MURR, SEE THE GIRL IN THE WHITE HAT? YEAH.
WHITE HAT? YEAH.
SO, YEAH, GO PULL THAT HAT YEAH.
SO, YEAH, GO PULL THAT HAT DOWN OVER HER EYES.
SO, YEAH, GO PULL THAT HAT DOWN OVER HER EYES.
[ CHUCKLES .]
DOWN OVER HER EYES.
[ CHUCKLES .]
EXCUSE ME.
[ CHUCKLES .]
EXCUSE ME.
YOU GUYS HAVE HELMETS.
EXCUSE ME.
YOU GUYS HAVE HELMETS.
IS IT HARD TO SKI WITH IT ON? YOU GUYS HAVE HELMETS.
IS IT HARD TO SKI WITH IT ON? NOT REALLY.
IS IT HARD TO SKI WITH IT ON? NOT REALLY.
FOR ME, ANYTHING CONSTRICTING NOT REALLY.
FOR ME, ANYTHING CONSTRICTING OVER MY HEAD REALLY BOTHERS ME FOR ME, ANYTHING CONSTRICTING OVER MY HEAD REALLY BOTHERS ME AS A SKIER.
OVER MY HEAD REALLY BOTHERS ME AS A SKIER.
THE BULL[BLEEP.]
HAS TO END AT AS A SKIER.
THE BULL[BLEEP.]
HAS TO END AT ONE POINT, AND THE FACE HAS TO THE BULL[BLEEP.]
HAS TO END AT ONE POINT, AND THE FACE HAS TO GET COVERED BY A HAT.
ONE POINT, AND THE FACE HAS TO GET COVERED BY A HAT.
I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING ON ME.
GET COVERED BY A HAT.
I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING ON ME.
IF I HAD SOMETHING THERE, IT I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING ON ME.
IF I HAD SOMETHING THERE, IT WOULDN'T MATTER.
IF I HAD SOMETHING THERE, IT WOULDN'T MATTER.
IF I -- IF I -- LIKE, THIS WOULD WOULDN'T MATTER.
IF I -- IF I -- LIKE, THIS WOULD DRIVE ME CRAZY IF I HAD THAT IF I -- IF I -- LIKE, THIS WOULD DRIVE ME CRAZY IF I HAD THAT OVER MY HEAD.
DRIVE ME CRAZY IF I HAD THAT OVER MY HEAD.
THANK GOD.
OVER MY HEAD.
THANK GOD.
BUT, ANYWAYS, I'M GONNA GO SKI A THANK GOD.
BUT, ANYWAYS, I'M GONNA GO SKI A BLACK DIAMOND.
BUT, ANYWAYS, I'M GONNA GO SKI A BLACK DIAMOND.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
BLACK DIAMOND.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WOW.
GOOD WORK, MURR.
WOW.
GOOD WORK, MURR.
WELL DONE.
GOOD WORK, MURR.
WELL DONE.
MURR.
WELL DONE.
MURR.
WHAT DO YOU GOT? MURR.
WHAT DO YOU GOT? THE GIRL WITH THE WHITE HAT WHAT DO YOU GOT? THE GIRL WITH THE WHITE HAT THAT YOU JUST PULLED DOWN -- THE GIRL WITH THE WHITE HAT THAT YOU JUST PULLED DOWN -- PULL IT DOWN AGAIN.
THAT YOU JUST PULLED DOWN -- PULL IT DOWN AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
PULL IT DOWN AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
DID YOU SAY THEY WERE FREE -- [ LAUGHTER .]
DID YOU SAY THEY WERE FREE -- THE HATS? DID YOU SAY THEY WERE FREE -- THE HATS? SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
THE HATS? SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
SHE WON'T -- SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
SHE WON'T -- [ LAUGHTER .]
SHE WON'T -- [ LAUGHTER .]
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER THERE OVER? DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER THERE OVER? OR DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER THERE OVER? OR DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER THERE? OR DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER THERE? [ LAUGHTER .]
THERE? [ LAUGHTER .]
IT WAS RIGHT THERE? [ LAUGHTER .]
IT WAS RIGHT THERE? OKAY.
IT WAS RIGHT THERE? OKAY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
OKAY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I APPRECIATE IT.
SHE LITERALLY WENT LIKE THIS.
I APPRECIATE IT.
SHE LITERALLY WENT LIKE THIS.
[ GROANS .]
SHE LITERALLY WENT LIKE THIS.
[ GROANS .]
HEY, MURR.
[ GROANS .]
HEY, MURR.
THERE'S A GUY PASSED OUT ON THE HEY, MURR.
THERE'S A GUY PASSED OUT ON THE BROWN COUCH.
THERE'S A GUY PASSED OUT ON THE BROWN COUCH.
LEAN IN AND JUST GO, "SWEET BROWN COUCH.
LEAN IN AND JUST GO, "SWEET DREAMS?" LEAN IN AND JUST GO, "SWEET DREAMS?" [ Laughing .]
LOOK AT THIS DREAMS?" [ Laughing .]
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
[ Laughing .]
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
[ THEME FROM "JAWS" PLAYS .]
GUY.
[ THEME FROM "JAWS" PLAYS .]
GET CLOSER, MURRAY.
[ THEME FROM "JAWS" PLAYS .]
GET CLOSER, MURRAY.
CLOSER, MURRAY.
GET CLOSER, MURRAY.
CLOSER, MURRAY.
[ LAUGHS .]
CLOSER, MURRAY.
[ LAUGHS .]
DO IT! DO IT! PRETTY SWEET? NICE.
NICE.
NICE.
NICE.
[ MIMICS EXPLOSION .]
NICE.
[ MIMICS EXPLOSION .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ MIMICS EXPLOSION .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE BLEW IT UP! [ LAUGHTER .]
HE BLEW IT UP! [ LAUGHS .]
HE BLEW IT UP! [ LAUGHS .]
SLEEP TIGHT, ALL RIGHT? [ LAUGHS .]
SLEEP TIGHT, ALL RIGHT? SLEEP TIGHT, DAWG.
SLEEP TIGHT, ALL RIGHT? SLEEP TIGHT, DAWG.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SLEEP TIGHT, DAWG.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, MURR.
ALL RIGHT, MURR.
HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
I WANT YOU TO GO OUT HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
I WANT YOU TO GO OUT YEAH.
I WANT YOU TO GO OUT YEAH.
THEN COME IN LIKE A BAT YEAH.
THEN COME IN LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL.
THEN COME IN LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL.
IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE, JUST OUT OF HELL.
IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE, JUST TAKE OFF EVERY STITCH OF CLOTHES IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE, JUST TAKE OFF EVERY STITCH OF CLOTHES YOU HAVE EXCEPT FOR YOUR TAKE OFF EVERY STITCH OF CLOTHES YOU HAVE EXCEPT FOR YOUR THERMALS.
YOU HAVE EXCEPT FOR YOUR THERMALS.
[ SIGHS .]
THERMALS.
[ SIGHS .]
BUT DO IT FRANTICALLY.
[ SIGHS .]
BUT DO IT FRANTICALLY.
IT IS COLD AS [BLEEP.]
OUT BUT DO IT FRANTICALLY.
IT IS COLD AS [BLEEP.]
OUT THERE.
IT IS COLD AS [BLEEP.]
OUT THERE.
DO YOU GUYS MIND IF I PUT MY THERE.
DO YOU GUYS MIND IF I PUT MY STUFF HERE FOR A SECOND? DO YOU GUYS MIND IF I PUT MY STUFF HERE FOR A SECOND? THANKS, MAN.
STUFF HERE FOR A SECOND? THANKS, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THANKS, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
IT IS -- MY CLOTHES GOT SOAKED, [BLEEP.]
IT IS -- MY CLOTHES GOT SOAKED, YOU KNOW? IT IS -- MY CLOTHES GOT SOAKED, YOU KNOW? [BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
YOU KNOW? [BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
OH! SO MUCH BETTER.
[BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
OH! SO MUCH BETTER.
[ DING! .]
Q, YOU SEE THESE TWO LADIES SITTING DOWN IN FRONT OF YOU? GO OVER AND STEAL THE WOMAN'S SITTING DOWN IN FRONT OF YOU? GO OVER AND STEAL THE WOMAN'S SCARF.
GO OVER AND STEAL THE WOMAN'S SCARF.
[ LAUGHS .]
SCARF.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
OH, OH! OH, MY GOD.
OH, OH! HE'S GOT A SCARF.
OH, OH! HE'S GOT A SCARF.
OH, MY GOD.
HE'S GOT A SCARF.
OH, MY GOD.
THE BLONDE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW.
OH, MY GOD.
THE BLONDE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW.
OH! THE BLONDE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW.
OH! WOW! OH! WOW! THAT'S GREAT, Q.
THAT'S GREAT, Q.
PUT IT ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
PUT IT ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
DO A FASHION SHOW, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
DO A FASHION SHOW, BUDDY.
TWIRL IT AROUND.
DO A FASHION SHOW, BUDDY.
TWIRL IT AROUND.
TRYING TO GET HER ATTENTION.
TWIRL IT AROUND.
TRYING TO GET HER ATTENTION.
YEAH.
TRYING TO GET HER ATTENTION.
YEAH.
OH! [ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO.
THIS IS MY SCARF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO.
THIS IS MY SCARF.
[ CHUCKLES .]
NO.
THIS IS MY SCARF.
[ CHUCKLES .]
THAT'S HER SCARF.
[ CHUCKLES .]
THAT'S HER SCARF.
ARE YOU -- ARE YOU SURE THIS THAT'S HER SCARF.
ARE YOU -- ARE YOU SURE THIS IS YOUR SCARF? ARE YOU -- ARE YOU SURE THIS IS YOUR SCARF? 'CAUSE I GOT THIS AS A GIFT.
IS YOUR SCARF? 'CAUSE I GOT THIS AS A GIFT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
'CAUSE I GOT THIS AS A GIFT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW MADE IT FOR ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW MADE IT FOR ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW MADE IT FOR ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
JUST -- JUST KEEP IT.
JUST -- JUST KEEP IT.
I HATE THAT SCARF ANYWAY.
THANKS, HONEY.
I HATE THAT SCARF ANYWAY.
THANKS, HONEY.
HAVE A GOOD DAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SEE THIS ASIAN DUDE RIGHT TO YOUR RIGHT HERE WITH HIS ARM, SEE THIS ASIAN DUDE RIGHT TO YOUR RIGHT HERE WITH HIS ARM, PUTTING HIS HAND UP? YOUR RIGHT HERE WITH HIS ARM, PUTTING HIS HAND UP? YEAH.
PUTTING HIS HAND UP? YEAH.
JUST MAKE IT RAIN RIGHT OVER YEAH.
JUST MAKE IT RAIN RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD.
JUST MAKE IT RAIN RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ Laughing .]
OH, MY GOD! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, THAT WAS AMAZING! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, THAT WAS AMAZING! Q, YOUR CHEEKS LOOK ROSY RED, OH, THAT WAS AMAZING! Q, YOUR CHEEKS LOOK ROSY RED, BUDDY.
Q, YOUR CHEEKS LOOK ROSY RED, BUDDY.
YEAH.
BUDDY.
YEAH.
DO THEY? YEAH.
DO THEY? YOU SHOULD GO WARM THEM UP BY DO THEY? YOU SHOULD GO WARM THEM UP BY THE FIRE.
YOU SHOULD GO WARM THEM UP BY THE FIRE.
HOW COULD YOU SEE HIS ASS THE FIRE.
HOW COULD YOU SEE HIS ASS CHEEKS THROUGH THAT? HOW COULD YOU SEE HIS ASS CHEEKS THROUGH THAT? MY WHAT?! CHEEKS THROUGH THAT? MY WHAT?! [ LAUGHTER .]
MY WHAT?! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, I'M NOT PUTTING MY ASS [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, I'M NOT PUTTING MY ASS CHEEKS NEAR THE FIRE.
OH, I'M NOT PUTTING MY ASS CHEEKS NEAR THE FIRE.
DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE CHEEKS NEAR THE FIRE.
DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
I'M TELLING YOU WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
I'M TELLING YOU WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
I'M TELLING YOU WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
IT WORKS THIS WAY -- WE TELL DOING.
IT WORKS THIS WAY -- WE TELL YOU.
IT WORKS THIS WAY -- WE TELL YOU.
[ LAUGHS .]
YOU.
[ LAUGHS .]
NOW THAT YOU'RE SAYING THAT, [ LAUGHS .]
NOW THAT YOU'RE SAYING THAT, WHY DON'T YOU GO WARM YOUR ASS NOW THAT YOU'RE SAYING THAT, WHY DON'T YOU GO WARM YOUR ASS CHEEKS UP BY THE FIRE? WHY DON'T YOU GO WARM YOUR ASS CHEEKS UP BY THE FIRE? JUST GOT TO WARM UP FOR A CHEEKS UP BY THE FIRE? JUST GOT TO WARM UP FOR A SECOND.
JUST GOT TO WARM UP FOR A SECOND.
ALL RIGHT.
SECOND.
ALL RIGHT.
TAKE THEM CHEEKS OUT.
ALL RIGHT.
TAKE THEM CHEEKS OUT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
TAKE THEM CHEEKS OUT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD! I NEED A LITTLE MORE CRACK.
OH, MY GOD! I NEED A LITTLE MORE CRACK.
YOU NEED A LITTLE BIT MORE I NEED A LITTLE MORE CRACK.
YOU NEED A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN THAT? YOU NEED A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN THAT? I CAN'T GET ENOUGH CRACK, Q.
THAN THAT? I CAN'T GET ENOUGH CRACK, Q.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I CAN'T GET ENOUGH CRACK, Q.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
OH! OH, MY GOD.
OH! ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT? OH! ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER .]
TOASTING A PAIR OF MARSHMALLOWS [ LAUGHTER .]
TOASTING A PAIR OF MARSHMALLOWS OVER HERE.
TOASTING A PAIR OF MARSHMALLOWS OVER HERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OVER HERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HOW ABOUT THEM SLOPES, HUH, BRO? [ LAUGHTER .]
HOW ABOUT THEM SLOPES, HUH, BRO? COOL.
HOW ABOUT THEM SLOPES, HUH, BRO? COOL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
COOL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S GOT THUMBS UP WRITTEN ALL ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S GOT THUMBS UP WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.
THAT'S GOT THUMBS UP WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OVER IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WOW.
YOU IDIOT.
HEY, JOE.
YOU SEE THIS GIRL SITTING OVER YOU SEE THIS GIRL SITTING OVER HERE? SHE'S PRETTY, HUH? PIGTAILS.
NICE.
PIGTAILS.
NICE.
YOU KNOW HOW SOME PEOPLE BLOW YOU KNOW HOW SOME PEOPLE BLOW KISSES? YEAH.
KISSES? YEAH.
WE WANT YOU TO DO THE SAME YEAH.
WE WANT YOU TO DO THE SAME THING, BUT BLOW FARTS.
THING, BUT BLOW FARTS.
YEAH, ROMANTIC FARTS.
[ LAUGHS .]
NTIC FARTS.
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU'RE A 37-YEAR-OLD MAN! YOU'RE A 37-YEAR-OLD MAN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! [ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
DO IT AGAIN! [ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
BUDDY, SHE'S GONNA WALK RIGHT [ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
BUDDY, SHE'S GONNA WALK RIGHT BY YOU.
BUDDY, SHE'S GONNA WALK RIGHT BY YOU.
DO IT RIGHT IN HER FACE AS SHE BY YOU.
DO IT RIGHT IN HER FACE AS SHE PASSES.
DO IT RIGHT IN HER FACE AS SHE PASSES.
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
PASSES.
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME.
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, JOE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, JOE.
YOU SEE THE NAPKIN DISPENSER IN HEY, JOE.
YOU SEE THE NAPKIN DISPENSER IN FRONT OF YOU? YOU SEE THE NAPKIN DISPENSER IN FRONT OF YOU? WE, UH, PUT A GIANT SNOWBALL FRONT OF YOU? WE, UH, PUT A GIANT SNOWBALL THERE.
WE, UH, PUT A GIANT SNOWBALL THERE.
CAN YOU PICK IT UP, BUD? THERE.
CAN YOU PICK IT UP, BUD? [ LAUGHS .]
CAN YOU PICK IT UP, BUD? [ LAUGHS .]
PICK IT UP AND WAIL SOMEONE [ LAUGHS .]
PICK IT UP AND WAIL SOMEONE WITH IT.
PICK IT UP AND WAIL SOMEONE WITH IT.
PICK A TARGET, BABY.
WITH IT.
PICK A TARGET, BABY.
PICK A TARGET.
PICK A TARGET, BABY.
PICK A TARGET.
UGH.
PICK A TARGET.
UGH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? UGH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? UH, HOW DO YOU START AN WHAT DO YOU THINK? UH, HOW DO YOU START AN INDOOR SNOWBALL FIGHT? UH, HOW DO YOU START AN INDOOR SNOWBALL FIGHT? JUST THROW IT.
SNOWBALL FIGHT! All: OH! TAKE THAT, SUCKERS.
All: OH! TAKE THAT, SUCKERS.
[ DING! .]
TAKE THAT, SUCKERS.
[ DING! .]
WOW.
WHAT THE HELL?! YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GONNA PLAY YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GONNA PLAY ALICIA KEYS' BOYFRIEND IN A ALICIA KEYS' BOYFRIEND IN A VIDEO.
VIDEO.
LIKE, WHAT IS THIS? LIKE, WHAT IS THIS? ALL RIGHT, SAL.
ALL RIGHT, SAL.
YOU SEE THE GUY OVER THERE WITH YOU SEE THE GUY OVER THERE WITH THE GREEN JACKET? THE GREEN JACKET? THIS IS A NO-READING ZONE.
THIS IS A NO-READING ZONE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO YOU GOT TO STOP THAT READING.
JUST CLOSE THAT BOOK.
SO YOU GOT TO STOP THAT READING.
JUST CLOSE THAT BOOK.
YEAH.
JUST CLOSE THAT BOOK.
YEAH.
CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPENING.
YEAH.
CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPENING.
[ CHUCKLES .]
CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPENING.
[ CHUCKLES .]
OH [BLEEP.]
ME, MAN.
I JUST GOT TO -- THIS IS A NO-READING AREA.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO-READING AREA.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A NO-READING AREA.
IT'S A NO-READING AREA.
OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
CLOSE IT ONE MORE TIME AND WALK AWAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
WALK AWAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
I JUST [ CHUCKLES .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIS FACE! SAL, SIT NEXT TO THIS GROUP LOOK AT HIS FACE! SAL, SIT NEXT TO THIS GROUP OF GUYS HERE.
SAL, SIT NEXT TO THIS GROUP OF GUYS HERE.
[ SIGHS .]
OF GUYS HERE.
[ SIGHS .]
IT'S COLD OUT THERE.
[ SIGHS .]
IT'S COLD OUT THERE.
IT IS.
IT'S COLD OUT THERE.
IT IS.
SO COLD.
IT IS.
SO COLD.
SO COLD.
SO COLD.
SO COLD.
IT'S LIKE SINGLE DIGITS OUT.
SO COLD.
IT'S LIKE SINGLE DIGITS OUT.
YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S LIKE SINGLE DIGITS OUT.
YEAH, YEAH.
YOUR TONGUE GETS NUMB.
YEAH, YEAH.
YOUR TONGUE GETS NUMB.
YOU GOT A CASE OF THE NUMB YOUR TONGUE GETS NUMB.
YOU GOT A CASE OF THE NUMB TONGUE.
YOU GUYS HIT THE SLOPES? [ LAUGHTER .]
HOO! [ LAUGHTER .]
HOO! YEAH, I'VE BEEN GOING DOWN ALL HOO! YEAH, I'VE BEEN GOING DOWN ALL DAY.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN GOING DOWN ALL DAY.
I SKI.
DAY.
I SKI.
I GOT [BLEEP.]
UP OUT THERE.
I SKI.
I GOT [BLEEP.]
UP OUT THERE.
[ CHUCKLES .]
I GOT [BLEEP.]
UP OUT THERE.
[ CHUCKLES .]
SAL, THAT TONGUE'S GETTING SO SAL, THAT TONGUE'S GETTING SO NUMB YOU'RE HARDLY DISCERNABLE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
NUMB YOU'RE HARDLY DISCERNABLE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
SAY, "LET ME TELL YOU A [ TALKING CONTINUES .]
SAY, "LET ME TELL YOU A STORY," AND JUST TALK TO THE GUY SAY, "LET ME TELL YOU A STORY," AND JUST TALK TO THE GUY IN WHITE.
STORY," AND JUST TALK TO THE GUY IN WHITE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
IN WHITE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
COME OUT HERE TO GET, UH, A LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
COME OUT HERE TO GET, UH, A DINNER.
COME OUT HERE TO GET, UH, A DINNER.
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
DINNER.
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
NOW PERFECTLY LEGIBLE GO, [ TALKING CONTINUES .]
NOW PERFECTLY LEGIBLE GO, "SKIING!" NOW PERFECTLY LEGIBLE GO, "SKIING!" SKIING! "SKIING!" SKIING! [ LAUGHTER .]
SKIING! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
Narrator: ALL FOUR JOKERS ARE [ DING! .]
Narrator: ALL FOUR JOKERS ARE SAFE ON THE SLOPES AND SAFE FROM Narrator: ALL FOUR JOKERS ARE SAFE ON THE SLOPES AND SAFE FROM THE LOSER BOARD.
SAFE ON THE SLOPES AND SAFE FROM THE LOSER BOARD.
TONIGHT, WE CAME FOR DINNER THE LOSER BOARD.
TONIGHT, WE CAME FOR DINNER AT TESTACCIO RESTAURANT, BUT WE TONIGHT, WE CAME FOR DINNER AT TESTACCIO RESTAURANT, BUT WE DON'T HAVE A RESERVATION.
AT TESTACCIO RESTAURANT, BUT WE DON'T HAVE A RESERVATION.
OH, NO! DON'T HAVE A RESERVATION.
OH, NO! NO! OH, NO! NO! SO WHILE PATRONS OF THE NO! SO WHILE PATRONS OF THE RESTAURANT ARE DINING, WE'LL BE SO WHILE PATRONS OF THE RESTAURANT ARE DINING, WE'LL BE JOINING THEIR TABLE AS UNINVITED RESTAURANT ARE DINING, WE'LL BE JOINING THEIR TABLE AS UNINVITED GUESTS.
[ EXCLAIMS .]
All: OH! THE GOAL IS TO STAY FOR All: OH! THE GOAL IS TO STAY FOR DINNER WITHOUT BEING ASKED TO THE GOAL IS TO STAY FOR DINNER WITHOUT BEING ASKED TO LEAVE.
DINNER WITHOUT BEING ASKED TO LEAVE.
IF THEY TELL YOU TO HIT THE IF THEY TELL YOU TO HIT THE BRICKS, YOU LOSE.
[ ALL EXCLAIMING .]
IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BAD, IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BAD, BOYS.
BOYS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SIGHS .]
GOD.
OKAY.
I'M GONNA GO WITH THESE TWO OKAY.
I'M GONNA GO WITH THESE TWO GIRLS HERE.
GIRLS HERE.
THERE WE GO.
PIZZA JUST CAME.
OH, PERFECT TIMING.
OH, PERFECT TIMING.
PERFECT TIMING.
PERFECT TIMING.
[ SIGHS .]
[ SIGHS .]
I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT THAT LONG FOR IT.
I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT THAT LONG FOR IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
THAT LONG FOR IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
I WAS TELLING DENISE I HAD [ LAUGHS .]
I WAS TELLING DENISE I HAD TO GET A NIGHT OUT, WHICH IS WHY I WAS TELLING DENISE I HAD TO GET A NIGHT OUT, WHICH IS WHY I'M GLAD WE CAME.
TO GET A NIGHT OUT, WHICH IS WHY I'M GLAD WE CAME.
[ LAUGHS .]
I'M GLAD WE CAME.
[ LAUGHS .]
HE'S PRETENDING THEY KNOW [ LAUGHS .]
HE'S PRETENDING THEY KNOW EACH OTHER.
HE'S PRETENDING THEY KNOW EACH OTHER.
I GOT HERE JUST IN THE NICK EACH OTHER.
I GOT HERE JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME, TOO, BECAUSE IT'S I GOT HERE JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME, TOO, BECAUSE IT'S FREEZING OUT THERE.
OF TIME, TOO, BECAUSE IT'S FREEZING OUT THERE.
FREEZING! FREEZING OUT THERE.
FREEZING! I KNOW.
FREEZING! I KNOW.
WE TOOK A CAB FROM, LIKE, TWO I KNOW.
WE TOOK A CAB FROM, LIKE, TWO BLOCKS AWAY.
WE TOOK A CAB FROM, LIKE, TWO BLOCKS AWAY.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
BLOCKS AWAY.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
FORGET ABOUT IT.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
FORGET ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
FORGET ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
NOW THEY'RE INTO CHITCHAT.
[ LAUGHS .]
NOW THEY'RE INTO CHITCHAT.
WHAT?! NOW THEY'RE INTO CHITCHAT.
WHAT?! THEY'RE ON SMALL TALK.
WHAT?! THEY'RE ON SMALL TALK.
THAT'S INSANE! THEY'RE ON SMALL TALK.
THAT'S INSANE! NOW THAT'S INSANE! NOW HE'S GOT THE SLICE! NOW HE'S GOT THE SLICE! HE TOOK A SLICE? HE'S GOT THE SLICE! HE TOOK A SLICE? [ LAUGHS .]
HE TOOK A SLICE? [ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S THEIR FOOD! OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S THEIR FOOD! THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE THAT'S THEIR FOOD! THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE UH-HUH.
THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE UH-HUH.
.
OH, GOD, THE FRIED UH-HUH.
.
OH, GOD, THE FRIED CALAMARI IS TO DIE FOR.
.
OH, GOD, THE FRIED CALAMARI IS TO DIE FOR.
[ LAUGHS .]
CALAMARI IS TO DIE FOR.
[ LAUGHS .]
THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW [ LAUGHS .]
THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW EASY IT IS TO PICK UP WOMEN.
THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW EASY IT IS TO PICK UP WOMEN.
[ LAUGHS .]
EASY IT IS TO PICK UP WOMEN.
[ LAUGHS .]
THIS IS NICE.
[ LAUGHS .]
THIS IS NICE.
YOU WENT WITH THE WHITE WINE.
THIS IS NICE.
YOU WENT WITH THE WHITE WINE.
DID YOU ORDER ME A GLASS OF IT? "DID YOU ORDER ME," HE SAID! YEAH.
ABSOLUTELY.
SHE'S PLAYING ALONG.
SHE'S PLAYING ALONG.
SHE'S NOT.
SHE'S NOT.
SHE'S NOT.
SHE'S NOT.
EXCUSE ME.
SHE'S NOT.
EXCUSE ME.
I'LL A GLASS OF THE SAUVIGNON EXCUSE ME.
I'LL A GLASS OF THE SAUVIGNON BLANC.
I'LL A GLASS OF THE SAUVIGNON BLANC.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BLANC.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S ORDERING! [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S ORDERING! OH! HE'S ORDERING! OH! AM I IN HER SEAT? OH! AM I IN HER SEAT? YES.
AM I IN HER SEAT? YES.
AH! AH! YES.
AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! YOU MADE IT! AH! YOU MADE IT! [ LAUGHTER .]
YOU MADE IT! [ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
YOU MADE IT.
HI.
YOU MADE IT.
OH, THERE'S TWO OF THEM! YOU MADE IT.
OH, THERE'S TWO OF THEM! NOW HE'S IN A PICKLE.
OH, THERE'S TWO OF THEM! NOW HE'S IN A PICKLE.
COME ON IN.
NOW HE'S IN A PICKLE.
COME ON IN.
THEY HAVE NOT ASKED HIM TO COME ON IN.
THEY HAVE NOT ASKED HIM TO LEAVE.
THEY HAVE NOT ASKED HIM TO LEAVE.
NO.
LEAVE.
NO.
THEY'RE SITTING ON THE BENCH.
NO.
THEY'RE SITTING ON THE BENCH.
HI.
THEY'RE SITTING ON THE BENCH.
HI.
JOANNE.
HI.
JOANNE.
MELISSA.
JOANNE.
MELISSA.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
MELISSA.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
AND THIS KATHY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
JOANNE.
SAL.
JOANNE.
PLEASURE, JOANNE.
JOANNE.
PLEASURE, JOANNE.
WHAT THE HELL?! PLEASURE, JOANNE.
WHAT THE HELL?! THE TWO NEW ONES THINK HE'S WHAT THE HELL?! THE TWO NEW ONES THINK HE'S PART OF THE TABLE.
THE TWO NEW ONES THINK HE'S PART OF THE TABLE.
NO CLUE THAT HE'S NOT PART OF PART OF THE TABLE.
NO CLUE THAT HE'S NOT PART OF IT.
NO CLUE THAT HE'S NOT PART OF IT.
SO, HOW DO YOU GUYS ALL KNOW IT.
SO, HOW DO YOU GUYS ALL KNOW EACH OTHER? SO, HOW DO YOU GUYS ALL KNOW EACH OTHER? HER SISTER IS MARRIED TO MY EACH OTHER? HER SISTER IS MARRIED TO MY BROTHER.
HER SISTER IS MARRIED TO MY BROTHER.
OH, THERE YOU GO.
BROTHER.
OH, THERE YOU GO.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
OH, THERE YOU GO.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
IT WORKED! OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
IT WORKED! IT WORKED.
IT WORKED! IT WORKED.
HE'S IN.
IT WORKED.
HE'S IN.
IT WORKED! HE'S IN.
IT WORKED! [ LAUGHTER .]
IT WORKED! [ LAUGHTER .]
CAN I PROPOSE A TOAST? [ LAUGHTER .]
CAN I PROPOSE A TOAST? YEAH.
CAN I PROPOSE A TOAST? YEAH.
SURE.
YEAH.
SURE.
TO FRIENDS NEW AND OLD.
SURE.
TO FRIENDS NEW AND OLD.
WE DON'T GET ENOUGH.
TO FRIENDS NEW AND OLD.
WE DON'T GET ENOUGH.
NO, WE DON'T.
WE DON'T GET ENOUGH.
NO, WE DON'T.
LET'S DO IT MORE OFTEN.
NO, WE DON'T.
LET'S DO IT MORE OFTEN.
CHEERS! LET'S DO IT MORE OFTEN.
CHEERS! CHEERS! CHEERS! CHEERS! LADIES NIGHT! CHEERS! LADIES NIGHT! HE'S IN.
LADIES NIGHT! HE'S IN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S IN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
NERVOUS? [ CHUCKLES .]
I AM NERVOUS.
[ CHUCKLES .]
I AM NERVOUS.
I AM NERVOUS, BUT [ Yawning .]
OH, I GOT THIS ONE FIGURED OUT.
ONE FIGURED OUT.
I THINK I GOT THIS ONE I THINK I GOT THIS ONE FIGURED OUT.
FIGURED OUT.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, PLEASE.
YOU HAVE A FOOL-PROOF PLAN YOU HAVE A FOOL-PROOF PLAN BEFORE EVERYTHING WE EVER DO.
I THINK I DO.
BEFORE EVERYTHING WE EVER DO.
I THINK I DO.
NOT GONNA LISTEN TO IT.
I THINK I DO.
NOT GONNA LISTEN TO IT.
WHO, OUT OF EVERYONE ON THIS NOT GONNA LISTEN TO IT.
WHO, OUT OF EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET, DO PEOPLE NEVER WHO, OUT OF EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET, DO PEOPLE NEVER INTERRUPT? PLANET, DO PEOPLE NEVER INTERRUPT? THE ANSWER, MY FRIENDS, IS A MAN INTERRUPT? THE ANSWER, MY FRIENDS, IS A MAN OF GOD.
THE ANSWER, MY FRIENDS, IS A MAN OF GOD.
[ LAUGHS .]
OF GOD.
[ LAUGHS .]
HE'S WALKING AROUND BLESSING [ LAUGHS .]
HE'S WALKING AROUND BLESSING PEOPLE.
HE'S WALKING AROUND BLESSING PEOPLE.
THE SAD TRUTH OF THE MATTER PEOPLE.
THE SAD TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS IF MURRAY EVER STEPPED INTO A THE SAD TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS IF MURRAY EVER STEPPED INTO A CHURCH, HE WOULD BURST INTO IS IF MURRAY EVER STEPPED INTO A CHURCH, HE WOULD BURST INTO FLAMES.
CHURCH, HE WOULD BURST INTO FLAMES.
[ LAUGHS .]
FLAMES.
[ LAUGHS .]
HERE WE GO.
[ LAUGHS .]
HERE WE GO.
HELLO, FOLKS.
HERE WE GO.
HELLO, FOLKS.
HOW ARE YOU, TONIGHT? HELLO, FOLKS.
HOW ARE YOU, TONIGHT? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU, TONIGHT? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
MY NAME IS MINISTER MURRAY.
GOOD.
MY NAME IS MINISTER MURRAY.
I'M A MAN OF GOD.
MY NAME IS MINISTER MURRAY.
I'M A MAN OF GOD.
HE DOES LOOK LIKE A VIRGIN.
I'M A MAN OF GOD.
HE DOES LOOK LIKE A VIRGIN.
OH.
HE DOES LOOK LIKE A VIRGIN.
OH.
[ CHUCKLES .]
OH.
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ LAUGHS .]
I RUN THE CHURCH A FEW BLOCKS [ LAUGHS .]
I RUN THE CHURCH A FEW BLOCKS AWAY.
I RUN THE CHURCH A FEW BLOCKS AWAY.
IT'S, UH, CHURCH OF, UH, AWAY.
IT'S, UH, CHURCH OF, UH, SAINT DALTON.
IT'S, UH, CHURCH OF, UH, SAINT DALTON.
BEFORE WE EAT, AT THE SAINT DALTON.
BEFORE WE EAT, AT THE RESTAURANT, WE LIKE TO SAY A BEFORE WE EAT, AT THE RESTAURANT, WE LIKE TO SAY A LITTLE BLESSING.
RESTAURANT, WE LIKE TO SAY A LITTLE BLESSING.
JUST -- LITTLE BLESSING.
JUST -- [ LAUGHTER .]
JUST -- [ LAUGHTER .]
THEY'RE JOINING HANDS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THEY'RE JOINING HANDS.
BLESS THIS FOOD, FOR THESE, THEY'RE JOINING HANDS.
BLESS THIS FOOD, FOR THESE, THY GIFTS, FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BLESS THIS FOOD, FOR THESE, THY GIFTS, FOR THOSE WHO HAVE FORTUNE SOMETIMES ARE LESS THY GIFTS, FOR THOSE WHO HAVE FORTUNE SOMETIMES ARE LESS FORTUNATE THAN OTHERS.
FORTUNE SOMETIMES ARE LESS FORTUNATE THAN OTHERS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
FORTUNATE THAN OTHERS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIS FACE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIS FACE.
HE'S LOOKING AT MURRAY LIKE LOOK AT HIS FACE.
HE'S LOOKING AT MURRAY LIKE WE LOOK AT MURRAY.
HE'S LOOKING AT MURRAY LIKE WE LOOK AT MURRAY.
RIGHT.
WE LOOK AT MURRAY.
RIGHT.
LET THE CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER RIGHT.
LET THE CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER REMIND YOU HOW YOU USED TO BE, LET THE CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER REMIND YOU HOW YOU USED TO BE, FOR I BELIEVE THAT ALL WHO ARE REMIND YOU HOW YOU USED TO BE, FOR I BELIEVE THAT ALL WHO ARE CHILDREN EVENTUALLY BECOME FOR I BELIEVE THAT ALL WHO ARE CHILDREN EVENTUALLY BECOME OLDER.
HE JUST SAID, "AMEN.
" HE TRIED TO CUT HIM OFF.
HE TRIED TO CUT HIM OFF.
A FEW BLOCKS AWAY.
HE'S SNIFFING YOU OUT.
WE'RE ON THE CORNER OF, UH, WE'RE ON THE CORNER OF, UH, ADAM AND, UH, LEVINE STREET.
ADAM AND, UH, LEVINE STREET.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ONCE THEY SEE THROUGH HIS BULL[BLEEP.]
THEY MIGHT TELL HIM BULL[BLEEP.]
THEY MIGHT TELL HIM TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
LIKE FOUR BLOCKS THAT WAY ON LIKE FOUR BLOCKS THAT WAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY.
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH!HTER .]
I FEEL, AT THIS POINT, AS IF I'M UNWELCOME.
OH!OME.
OH [BLEEP.]
OH [BLEEP.]
I CAN STAY? I CAN STAY? NO! NO! I CAN STAY? OH, COME ON! THAT WORKED? THAT WORKED? [ ALL GROAN .]
[ ALL GROAN .]
BLESSED BE US ALL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BLESSED BE US ALL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, FATHER MURRAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, FATHER MURRAY.
WELL DONE, PADRE.
WELL DONE, PADRE.
Q, YOU LOOK GOOD TODAY, BUD.
YOU DO CLEAN UP NICELY.
BUD.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE MONEY? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE MONEY? IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MAXED OUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MAXED OUT YOUR CREDIT CARD ON A SPORTS YOUR CREDIT CARD ON A SPORTS COAT.
COAT.
BUT TO SOMEONE WHO BUT TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW ME, I MIGHT HAVE DOESN'T KNOW ME, I MIGHT HAVE MONEY.
MONEY.
NO.
NO.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MAXED OUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MAXED OUT YOUR CREDIT CARD ON THE SPORTS YOUR CREDIT CARD ON THE SPORTS COAT.
COAT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
HI.
HOW YOU GUYS? HOW YOU GUYS? ENJOYING THE, UH -- THE ENJOYING THE, UH -- THE APPETIZERS? APPETIZERS? OKAY.
EXCELLENT.
OKAY.
EXCELLENT.
AND DO YOU MIND IF I, UH, JOIN YOU FOR ONE QUICK SECOND? AND DO YOU MIND IF I, UH, JOIN YOU FOR ONE QUICK SECOND? I SENT OVER THE APPETIZERS.
YOU FOR ONE QUICK SECOND? I SENT OVER THE APPETIZERS.
I JUST WANTED TO -- I SENT OVER THE APPETIZERS.
I JUST WANTED TO -- HE SENT OVER THE APPETIZER.
I JUST WANTED TO -- HE SENT OVER THE APPETIZER.
MY NAME'S BRIAN QUINN.
HE SENT OVER THE APPETIZER.
MY NAME'S BRIAN QUINN.
HI, HOW YOU DOING, SIR? MY NAME'S BRIAN QUINN.
HI, HOW YOU DOING, SIR? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? HI, HOW YOU DOING, SIR? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? I AM, UH, QUITE WEALTHY.
GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? I AM, UH, QUITE WEALTHY.
I'M INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY.
I AM, UH, QUITE WEALTHY.
I'M INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY.
[ LAUGHS .]
I'M INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY.
[ LAUGHS .]
I HAVE A YACHT OFF THE COAST [ LAUGHS .]
I HAVE A YACHT OFF THE COAST OF BROOKLYN.
I HAVE A YACHT OFF THE COAST OF BROOKLYN.
[ LAUGHS .]
OF BROOKLYN.
[ LAUGHS .]
SO, I THOUGHT WHAT I WOULD DO [ LAUGHS .]
SO, I THOUGHT WHAT I WOULD DO IS COME OVER AND MAKE AN OFFER SO, I THOUGHT WHAT I WOULD DO IS COME OVER AND MAKE AN OFFER TO YOU, SIR IS COME OVER AND MAKE AN OFFER TO YOU, SIR THE HELL'S HE DOING?! TO YOU, SIR THE HELL'S HE DOING?! AND FIND OUT HOW MUCH IT THE HELL'S HE DOING?! AND FIND OUT HOW MUCH IT WOULD BE FOR YOU TO, UM, SPEND AND FIND OUT HOW MUCH IT WOULD BE FOR YOU TO, UM, SPEND ONE NIGHT WITH ME.
WOULD BE FOR YOU TO, UM, SPEND ONE NIGHT WITH ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ONE NIGHT WITH ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
TO HIM OR TO HER? [ LAUGHTER .]
TO HIM OR TO HER? HE'S TAKING TO HIM.
TO HIM OR TO HER? HE'S TAKING TO HIM.
THIS MEAL IS, OF COURSE, ON HE'S TAKING TO HIM.
THIS MEAL IS, OF COURSE, ON ME.
THIS MEAL IS, OF COURSE, ON ME.
[ LAUGHS .]
ME.
[ LAUGHS .]
I'LL EXPENSE IT AS A BUSINESS [ LAUGHS .]
I'LL EXPENSE IT AS A BUSINESS EXPENSE.
I'LL EXPENSE IT AS A BUSINESS EXPENSE.
WHO'S GONNA ASK A GUY WHO EXPENSE.
WHO'S GONNA ASK A GUY WHO SAYS, "I'LL BUY YOU DINNER," TO WHO'S GONNA ASK A GUY WHO SAYS, "I'LL BUY YOU DINNER," TO LEAVE? SAYS, "I'LL BUY YOU DINNER," TO LEAVE? NO ONE! LEAVE? NO ONE! YOU'RE A GENIUS AND A CHEATER.
I GUESS WE'RE READY TO ORDER.
ARE WE READY TO ORDER? EXCUSE ME, SIR.
ARE WE READY TO ORDER? EXCUSE ME, SIR.
CAN I GET THE PESTO? EXCUSE ME, SIR.
CAN I GET THE PESTO? [ LAUGHTER .]
CAN I GET THE PESTO? [ LAUGHTER .]
CHEERS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
WOW! KING OF THE LOOPHOLE.
THE OLD DIRTY LOOPHOLE, YOU THE OLD DIRTY LOOPHOLE, YOU KNOW? KNOW? [ DING! .]
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK YOU GOT TO DO HERE? TO DO HERE? YOU GOT TO BE CONFUSED AND YOU GOT TO BE CONFUSED AND HOPEFULLY IT GETS INFECTIOUS, HOPEFULLY IT GETS INFECTIOUS, RIGHT? RIGHT? SO IF I'M CONFUSED, THEY SO IF I'M CONFUSED, THEY PROBABLY WILL BE.
PROBABLY WILL BE.
WAIT, WHAT? WAIT, WHAT? [ CHUCKLES .]
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ SIGHS .]
HE'S GOING RIGHT IN.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SIGHS .]
SIR.
[ SIGHS .]
SIR.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
SIR.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHS .]
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHS .]
GRAZIE.
[ LAUGHS .]
GRAZIE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GRAZIE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOBODY IS SAYING ANYTHING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOBODY IS SAYING ANYTHING.
[ CHUCKLES .]
NOBODY IS SAYING ANYTHING.
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S GOT HIS ARM ON THE GUY'S [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S GOT HIS ARM ON THE GUY'S CHAIR! HE'S GOT HIS ARM ON THE GUY'S CHAIR! OH, SHE IS SHOOTING DAGGERS.
CHAIR! OH, SHE IS SHOOTING DAGGERS.
HOW DOES JOE EVEN THINK THAT OH, SHE IS SHOOTING DAGGERS.
HOW DOES JOE EVEN THINK THAT THIS IS A GOOD APPROACH? OH, NO.
I WASN'T EXPECTING ANYBODY.
I WAS -- I WAS HAPPY, ACTUALLY, I WASN'T EXPECTING ANYBODY.
I WAS -- I WAS HAPPY, ACTUALLY, THAT YOU GUYS WERE HERE SO I HAD I WAS -- I WAS HAPPY, ACTUALLY, THAT YOU GUYS WERE HERE SO I HAD SOMEONE TO SIT WITH.
THAT YOU GUYS WERE HERE SO I HAD SOMEONE TO SIT WITH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SOMEONE TO SIT WITH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WOULD THAT BE ALL RIGHT IF I [ LAUGHTER .]
WOULD THAT BE ALL RIGHT IF I JOINED YOU FOR DINNER? WOULD THAT BE ALL RIGHT IF I JOINED YOU FOR DINNER? NOT REALLY? NOT REALLY? OKAY.
WELL.
OKAY.
WELL.
All: OH! WELL.
All: OH! I APPRECIATE IT, THOUGH.
All: OH! I APPRECIATE IT, THOUGH.
[ SIGHS .]
I APPRECIATE IT, THOUGH.
[ SIGHS .]
SORRY, BUDDY! [ SIGHS .]
SORRY, BUDDY! Narrator: JOE GATTO, PARTY OF SORRY, BUDDY! Narrator: JOE GATTO, PARTY OF ONE.
Narrator: JOE GATTO, PARTY OF ONE.
IT'S TIME FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT.
ONE.
IT'S TIME FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT.
HERE WE GO, BUDDY.
IT'S TIME FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT.
HERE WE GO, BUDDY.
GO, TAKE OFF THAT BLINDFOLD, YOU HERE WE GO, BUDDY.
GO, TAKE OFF THAT BLINDFOLD, YOU LOSER.
GO, TAKE OFF THAT BLINDFOLD, YOU LOSER.
HERE WE GO! LOSER.
HERE WE GO! [ LAUGHS .]
HERE WE GO! [ LAUGHS .]
I GOT IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
ALL RIGHT.
I GOT IT.
ALL RIGHT.
I GET IN THIS, POP OUT IN FRONT ALL RIGHT.
I GET IN THIS, POP OUT IN FRONT OF -- IN FRONT OF WHO? I GET IN THIS, POP OUT IN FRONT OF -- IN FRONT OF WHO? WHO'S IN THERE? OF -- IN FRONT OF WHO? WHO'S IN THERE? WHO'S IN THERE? WHO'S IN THERE? WHO'S IN THERE? BACHELORETTES! WHO'S IN THERE? BACHELORETTES! SO, THESE WOMEN ARE LOOKING BACHELORETTES! SO, THESE WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR SOME SWEET MOVES.
SO, THESE WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR SOME SWEET MOVES.
THEY SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR A FOR SOME SWEET MOVES.
THEY SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR A REFUND.
THEY SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR A REFUND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
REFUND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GET IN THERE AND BRING THE [ LAUGHTER .]
GET IN THERE AND BRING THE HEAT, BABY.
GET IN THERE AND BRING THE HEAT, BABY.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
HEAT, BABY.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
OH, MAN.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
OH, MAN.
[ DRILL WHIRRING .]
OH, MAN.
[ DRILL WHIRRING .]
SAL, AM ON THE FLOOR, YET? [ DRILL WHIRRING .]
SAL, AM ON THE FLOOR, YET? JOE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE SAL, AM ON THE FLOOR, YET? JOE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE IS, 'CAUSE HE'S BEING WHEELED JOE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE IS, 'CAUSE HE'S BEING WHEELED AROUND IN A CAKE.
HE IS, 'CAUSE HE'S BEING WHEELED AROUND IN A CAKE.
WHAT JOE DOESN'T REALIZE IS AROUND IN A CAKE.
WHAT JOE DOESN'T REALIZE IS THAT THERE'S NO BACHELORETTE WHAT JOE DOESN'T REALIZE IS THAT THERE'S NO BACHELORETTE PARTY.
THAT THERE'S NO BACHELORETTE PARTY.
HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP OUT OF A CAKE PARTY.
HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP OUT OF A CAKE IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF WAR HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP OUT OF A CAKE IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF WAR VETERANS.
IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF WAR VETERANS.
[ CHUCKLES .]
VETERANS.
[ CHUCKLES .]
MEN WHO HAVE FOUGHT AND WON [ CHUCKLES .]
MEN WHO HAVE FOUGHT AND WON WARS -- MEN WAY BETTER THAN US.
MEN WHO HAVE FOUGHT AND WON WARS -- MEN WAY BETTER THAN US.
YES.
WARS -- MEN WAY BETTER THAN US.
YES.
WAY BETTER THAN WE -- YES.
WAY BETTER THAN WE -- MEN.
MEN.
WAY BETTER THAN WE -- MEN.
MEN.
MEN.
MEN.
MEN.
MEN.
WE'RE BOYS.
THEY'RE MEN.
MEN.
WE'RE BOYS.
THEY'RE MEN.
[ APPLAUSE .]
WE'RE BOYS.
THEY'RE MEN.
[ APPLAUSE .]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[ APPLAUSE .]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I THINK WE NEED A CAKE.
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I THINK WE NEED A CAKE.
LET'S BRING OUT THE CAKE, BOYS.
THINK WE NEED A CAKE.
LET'S BRING OUT THE CAKE, BOYS.
WHERE'S THE CAKE? LET'S BRING OUT THE CAKE, BOYS.
WHERE'S THE CAKE? OH, WOW! WHERE'S THE CAKE? OH, WOW! HOLY [BLEEP.]
OH, WOW! HOLY [BLEEP.]
THIS IS AWESOME.
HOLY [BLEEP.]
THIS IS AWESOME.
I'M READY TO GO.
THIS IS AWESOME.
I'M READY TO GO.
I'M GONNA -- I'M GONNA OWN THIS.
I'M READY TO GO.
I'M GONNA -- I'M GONNA OWN THIS.
REMEMBER, THESE WOMEN ARE I'M GONNA -- I'M GONNA OWN THIS.
REMEMBER, THESE WOMEN ARE EXPECTING A SHOW, OKAY? REMEMBER, THESE WOMEN ARE EXPECTING A SHOW, OKAY? WAIT TILL HE SEES WHAT IS EXPECTING A SHOW, OKAY? WAIT TILL HE SEES WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO HIM! WAIT TILL HE SEES WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO HIM! HERE WE GO, LADIES! ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO HIM! HERE WE GO, LADIES! OH, GOD.
HERE WE GO, LADIES! OH, GOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS NOT EASY TO GET OUT OF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS NOT EASY TO GET OUT OF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
TA-DA! [ LAUGHTER .]
TA-DA! ALL RIGHT.
TA-DA! ALL RIGHT.
NOW GIVE A SPEECH TO THESE ALL RIGHT.
NOW GIVE A SPEECH TO THESE VETERANS THANKING THEM FOR THEIR NOW GIVE A SPEECH TO THESE VETERANS THANKING THEM FOR THEIR SERVICE.
VETERANS THANKING THEM FOR THEIR SERVICE.
[ SIGHS .]
OH, WOW.
SERVICE.
[ SIGHS .]
OH, WOW.
UH, I JUST WANT TO TAKE A -- [ SIGHS .]
OH, WOW.
UH, I JUST WANT TO TAKE A -- TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK UH, I JUST WANT TO TAKE A -- TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK EVERYBODY, UH, FOR THEIR TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK EVERYBODY, UH, FOR THEIR SERVICE.
EVERYBODY, UH, FOR THEIR SERVICE.
I AM NOT A FIGHTER.
SERVICE.
I AM NOT A FIGHTER.
YOU KNOW, IF IT WAS UP TO ME TO I AM NOT A FIGHTER.
YOU KNOW, IF IT WAS UP TO ME TO DEFEND THIS COUNTRY, WE MIGHT YOU KNOW, IF IT WAS UP TO ME TO DEFEND THIS COUNTRY, WE MIGHT EVEN BE SPEAKING GERMAN AT THIS DEFEND THIS COUNTRY, WE MIGHT EVEN BE SPEAKING GERMAN AT THIS POINT OR, UH EVEN BE SPEAKING GERMAN AT THIS POINT OR, UH KOREAN.
POINT OR, UH KOREAN.
SOUTHERN.
KOREAN.
SOUTHERN.
[ Laughing .]
SOUTHERN.
SOUTHERN.
[ Laughing .]
SOUTHERN.
CIVIL WAR.
I DON'T KNOW.
[ Laughing .]
SOUTHERN.
CIVIL WAR.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY EVEN HELD A CIVIL WAR.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY EVEN HELD A GUN.
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY EVEN HELD A GUN.
I ACTUALLY PLAYED "CALL OF DUTY" GUN.
I ACTUALLY PLAYED "CALL OF DUTY" ONCE -- THAT VIDEO GAME -- AND I I ACTUALLY PLAYED "CALL OF DUTY" ONCE -- THAT VIDEO GAME -- AND I PISSED MYSELF ON MY COUCH.
ONCE -- THAT VIDEO GAME -- AND I PISSED MYSELF ON MY COUCH.
I WAS -- [ CHUCKLES .]
I PISSED MYSELF ON MY COUCH.
I WAS -- [ CHUCKLES .]
I DIDN'T -- I WAS -- [ CHUCKLES .]
I DIDN'T -- WHERE DID YOU BUY THE COUCH, DIDN'T -- WHERE DID YOU BUY THE COUCH, BUD? WHERE DID YOU BUY THE COUCH, BUD? RAYMOUR & FLANIGAN.
BUD? RAYMOUR & FLANIGAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
RAYMOUR & FLANIGAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, JOE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, JOE.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
ALL RIGHT, JOE.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
HIT IT, BOYS.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
HIT IT, BOYS.
OH, GOD.
HIT IT, BOYS.
OH, GOD.
[ SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
OH, GOD.
[ SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
DANCE! DANCE, YOU MONKEY! [ SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
DANCE! DANCE, YOU MONKEY! JOE.
DANCE! DANCE, YOU MONKEY! JOE.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
JOE.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
JOE.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
JOE.
PUT YOUR HEART INTO IT.
JOE.
PUT YOUR HEART INTO IT.
DON'T SHOOT THEM.
PUT YOUR HEART INTO IT.
DON'T SHOOT THEM.
OH, HE'S -- DON'T SHOOT THEM.
OH, HE'S -- [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, HE'S -- [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S THROWING GRENADES.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S THROWING GRENADES.
HE'S TAKING COVER.
HE'S THROWING GRENADES.
HE'S TAKING COVER.
THERE'S THE EXPLOSION.
HE'S TAKING COVER.
THERE'S THE EXPLOSION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ Laughing .]
OH, MY GOD.
OH, GOD.
OH, JOE.
JUST STOP.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
[ Laughing .]
THANK YOU.
[ Laughing .]
THANK YOU.
[ APPLAUSE .]
[ APPLAUSE .]
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
All: YEAH!
GOT MURR HOT AND BOTHERED? OH! SO MUCH BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH! SO MUCH BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: HAS SAL FOUND THREE [ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: HAS SAL FOUND THREE NEW BEST FRIENDS? Narrator: HAS SAL FOUND THREE NEW BEST FRIENDS? CHEERS.
NEW BEST FRIENDS? CHEERS.
LADIES NIGHT.
CHEERS.
LADIES NIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LADIES NIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER [ LAUGHTER .]
Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER TAKES THE CAKE IN TONIGHT'S BIG Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER TAKES THE CAKE IN TONIGHT'S BIG PUNISHMENT? TAKES THE CAKE IN TONIGHT'S BIG PUNISHMENT? [ LAUGHTER .]
PUNISHMENT? [ LAUGHTER .]
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING [ LAUGHTER .]
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! [ LAUGHTER .]
TODAY, WE'RE HANGING OUT AT THE SKI LODGE AT THE MOUNTAIN CREEK SKI AND SNOWBOARD THE SKI LODGE AT THE MOUNTAIN CREEK SKI AND SNOWBOARD RESORT.
WHILE, CRUISING AROUND THE LODGE, WE'VE GOT TO DO AND SAY LODGE, WE'VE GOT TO DO AND SAY WHAT THE OTHER FELLAS TELL US.
WHAT THE OTHER FELLAS TELL US.
IF YOU REFUSE, YOU LOSE.
IF YOU REFUSE, YOU LOSE.
HYAH! HYAH! [ GASPS .]
[ GASPS .]
WHY?! WHY?! [ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
MURR, YOUR SKIN RESEMBLES A MURR, YOUR SKIN RESEMBLES A CORPSE THAT WAS PULLED OUT OF THE RIVER.
CORPSE THAT WAS PULLED OUT OF THE RIVER.
YOU'RE SO WHITE.
THE RIVER.
YOU'RE SO WHITE.
WHAT'S -- WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU'RE SO WHITE.
WHAT'S -- WHAT'S GOING ON? TRY TO STAY OUT OF THE SUN WHAT'S -- WHAT'S GOING ON? TRY TO STAY OUT OF THE SUN YOU [BLEEP.]
VAMPIRE.
TRY TO STAY OUT OF THE SUN YOU [BLEEP.]
VAMPIRE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU [BLEEP.]
VAMPIRE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR, SEE THE GIRL IN THE MURR, SEE THE GIRL IN THE WHITE HAT? YEAH.
WHITE HAT? YEAH.
SO, YEAH, GO PULL THAT HAT YEAH.
SO, YEAH, GO PULL THAT HAT DOWN OVER HER EYES.
SO, YEAH, GO PULL THAT HAT DOWN OVER HER EYES.
[ CHUCKLES .]
DOWN OVER HER EYES.
[ CHUCKLES .]
EXCUSE ME.
[ CHUCKLES .]
EXCUSE ME.
YOU GUYS HAVE HELMETS.
EXCUSE ME.
YOU GUYS HAVE HELMETS.
IS IT HARD TO SKI WITH IT ON? YOU GUYS HAVE HELMETS.
IS IT HARD TO SKI WITH IT ON? NOT REALLY.
IS IT HARD TO SKI WITH IT ON? NOT REALLY.
FOR ME, ANYTHING CONSTRICTING NOT REALLY.
FOR ME, ANYTHING CONSTRICTING OVER MY HEAD REALLY BOTHERS ME FOR ME, ANYTHING CONSTRICTING OVER MY HEAD REALLY BOTHERS ME AS A SKIER.
OVER MY HEAD REALLY BOTHERS ME AS A SKIER.
THE BULL[BLEEP.]
HAS TO END AT AS A SKIER.
THE BULL[BLEEP.]
HAS TO END AT ONE POINT, AND THE FACE HAS TO THE BULL[BLEEP.]
HAS TO END AT ONE POINT, AND THE FACE HAS TO GET COVERED BY A HAT.
ONE POINT, AND THE FACE HAS TO GET COVERED BY A HAT.
I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING ON ME.
GET COVERED BY A HAT.
I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING ON ME.
IF I HAD SOMETHING THERE, IT I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING ON ME.
IF I HAD SOMETHING THERE, IT WOULDN'T MATTER.
IF I HAD SOMETHING THERE, IT WOULDN'T MATTER.
IF I -- IF I -- LIKE, THIS WOULD WOULDN'T MATTER.
IF I -- IF I -- LIKE, THIS WOULD DRIVE ME CRAZY IF I HAD THAT IF I -- IF I -- LIKE, THIS WOULD DRIVE ME CRAZY IF I HAD THAT OVER MY HEAD.
DRIVE ME CRAZY IF I HAD THAT OVER MY HEAD.
THANK GOD.
OVER MY HEAD.
THANK GOD.
BUT, ANYWAYS, I'M GONNA GO SKI A THANK GOD.
BUT, ANYWAYS, I'M GONNA GO SKI A BLACK DIAMOND.
BUT, ANYWAYS, I'M GONNA GO SKI A BLACK DIAMOND.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
BLACK DIAMOND.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WOW.
GOOD WORK, MURR.
WOW.
GOOD WORK, MURR.
WELL DONE.
GOOD WORK, MURR.
WELL DONE.
MURR.
WELL DONE.
MURR.
WHAT DO YOU GOT? MURR.
WHAT DO YOU GOT? THE GIRL WITH THE WHITE HAT WHAT DO YOU GOT? THE GIRL WITH THE WHITE HAT THAT YOU JUST PULLED DOWN -- THE GIRL WITH THE WHITE HAT THAT YOU JUST PULLED DOWN -- PULL IT DOWN AGAIN.
THAT YOU JUST PULLED DOWN -- PULL IT DOWN AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
PULL IT DOWN AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
DID YOU SAY THEY WERE FREE -- [ LAUGHTER .]
DID YOU SAY THEY WERE FREE -- THE HATS? DID YOU SAY THEY WERE FREE -- THE HATS? SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
THE HATS? SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
SHE WON'T -- SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
SHE WON'T -- [ LAUGHTER .]
SHE WON'T -- [ LAUGHTER .]
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER SHE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.
DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER THERE OVER? DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER THERE OVER? OR DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER THERE OVER? OR DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER THERE? OR DID YOU GET IT DOWN OVER THERE? [ LAUGHTER .]
THERE? [ LAUGHTER .]
IT WAS RIGHT THERE? [ LAUGHTER .]
IT WAS RIGHT THERE? OKAY.
IT WAS RIGHT THERE? OKAY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
OKAY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I APPRECIATE IT.
SHE LITERALLY WENT LIKE THIS.
I APPRECIATE IT.
SHE LITERALLY WENT LIKE THIS.
[ GROANS .]
SHE LITERALLY WENT LIKE THIS.
[ GROANS .]
HEY, MURR.
[ GROANS .]
HEY, MURR.
THERE'S A GUY PASSED OUT ON THE HEY, MURR.
THERE'S A GUY PASSED OUT ON THE BROWN COUCH.
THERE'S A GUY PASSED OUT ON THE BROWN COUCH.
LEAN IN AND JUST GO, "SWEET BROWN COUCH.
LEAN IN AND JUST GO, "SWEET DREAMS?" LEAN IN AND JUST GO, "SWEET DREAMS?" [ Laughing .]
LOOK AT THIS DREAMS?" [ Laughing .]
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
[ Laughing .]
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
[ THEME FROM "JAWS" PLAYS .]
GUY.
[ THEME FROM "JAWS" PLAYS .]
GET CLOSER, MURRAY.
[ THEME FROM "JAWS" PLAYS .]
GET CLOSER, MURRAY.
CLOSER, MURRAY.
GET CLOSER, MURRAY.
CLOSER, MURRAY.
[ LAUGHS .]
CLOSER, MURRAY.
[ LAUGHS .]
DO IT! DO IT! PRETTY SWEET? NICE.
NICE.
NICE.
NICE.
[ MIMICS EXPLOSION .]
NICE.
[ MIMICS EXPLOSION .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ MIMICS EXPLOSION .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE BLEW IT UP! [ LAUGHTER .]
HE BLEW IT UP! [ LAUGHS .]
HE BLEW IT UP! [ LAUGHS .]
SLEEP TIGHT, ALL RIGHT? [ LAUGHS .]
SLEEP TIGHT, ALL RIGHT? SLEEP TIGHT, DAWG.
SLEEP TIGHT, ALL RIGHT? SLEEP TIGHT, DAWG.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SLEEP TIGHT, DAWG.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, MURR.
ALL RIGHT, MURR.
HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
I WANT YOU TO GO OUT HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
I WANT YOU TO GO OUT YEAH.
I WANT YOU TO GO OUT YEAH.
THEN COME IN LIKE A BAT YEAH.
THEN COME IN LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL.
THEN COME IN LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL.
IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE, JUST OUT OF HELL.
IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE, JUST TAKE OFF EVERY STITCH OF CLOTHES IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE, JUST TAKE OFF EVERY STITCH OF CLOTHES YOU HAVE EXCEPT FOR YOUR TAKE OFF EVERY STITCH OF CLOTHES YOU HAVE EXCEPT FOR YOUR THERMALS.
YOU HAVE EXCEPT FOR YOUR THERMALS.
[ SIGHS .]
THERMALS.
[ SIGHS .]
BUT DO IT FRANTICALLY.
[ SIGHS .]
BUT DO IT FRANTICALLY.
IT IS COLD AS [BLEEP.]
OUT BUT DO IT FRANTICALLY.
IT IS COLD AS [BLEEP.]
OUT THERE.
IT IS COLD AS [BLEEP.]
OUT THERE.
DO YOU GUYS MIND IF I PUT MY THERE.
DO YOU GUYS MIND IF I PUT MY STUFF HERE FOR A SECOND? DO YOU GUYS MIND IF I PUT MY STUFF HERE FOR A SECOND? THANKS, MAN.
STUFF HERE FOR A SECOND? THANKS, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THANKS, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
IT IS -- MY CLOTHES GOT SOAKED, [BLEEP.]
IT IS -- MY CLOTHES GOT SOAKED, YOU KNOW? IT IS -- MY CLOTHES GOT SOAKED, YOU KNOW? [BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
YOU KNOW? [BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
OH! SO MUCH BETTER.
[BLEEP.]
GOT REAL OUT THERE.
OH! SO MUCH BETTER.
[ DING! .]
Q, YOU SEE THESE TWO LADIES SITTING DOWN IN FRONT OF YOU? GO OVER AND STEAL THE WOMAN'S SITTING DOWN IN FRONT OF YOU? GO OVER AND STEAL THE WOMAN'S SCARF.
GO OVER AND STEAL THE WOMAN'S SCARF.
[ LAUGHS .]
SCARF.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
OH, OH! OH, MY GOD.
OH, OH! HE'S GOT A SCARF.
OH, OH! HE'S GOT A SCARF.
OH, MY GOD.
HE'S GOT A SCARF.
OH, MY GOD.
THE BLONDE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW.
OH, MY GOD.
THE BLONDE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW.
OH! THE BLONDE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW.
OH! WOW! OH! WOW! THAT'S GREAT, Q.
THAT'S GREAT, Q.
PUT IT ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
PUT IT ON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
DO A FASHION SHOW, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
DO A FASHION SHOW, BUDDY.
TWIRL IT AROUND.
DO A FASHION SHOW, BUDDY.
TWIRL IT AROUND.
TRYING TO GET HER ATTENTION.
TWIRL IT AROUND.
TRYING TO GET HER ATTENTION.
YEAH.
TRYING TO GET HER ATTENTION.
YEAH.
OH! [ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO.
THIS IS MY SCARF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO.
THIS IS MY SCARF.
[ CHUCKLES .]
NO.
THIS IS MY SCARF.
[ CHUCKLES .]
THAT'S HER SCARF.
[ CHUCKLES .]
THAT'S HER SCARF.
ARE YOU -- ARE YOU SURE THIS THAT'S HER SCARF.
ARE YOU -- ARE YOU SURE THIS IS YOUR SCARF? ARE YOU -- ARE YOU SURE THIS IS YOUR SCARF? 'CAUSE I GOT THIS AS A GIFT.
IS YOUR SCARF? 'CAUSE I GOT THIS AS A GIFT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
'CAUSE I GOT THIS AS A GIFT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW MADE IT FOR ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW MADE IT FOR ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW MADE IT FOR ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
JUST -- JUST KEEP IT.
JUST -- JUST KEEP IT.
I HATE THAT SCARF ANYWAY.
THANKS, HONEY.
I HATE THAT SCARF ANYWAY.
THANKS, HONEY.
HAVE A GOOD DAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SEE THIS ASIAN DUDE RIGHT TO YOUR RIGHT HERE WITH HIS ARM, SEE THIS ASIAN DUDE RIGHT TO YOUR RIGHT HERE WITH HIS ARM, PUTTING HIS HAND UP? YOUR RIGHT HERE WITH HIS ARM, PUTTING HIS HAND UP? YEAH.
PUTTING HIS HAND UP? YEAH.
JUST MAKE IT RAIN RIGHT OVER YEAH.
JUST MAKE IT RAIN RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD.
JUST MAKE IT RAIN RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ Laughing .]
OH, MY GOD! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, THAT WAS AMAZING! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, THAT WAS AMAZING! Q, YOUR CHEEKS LOOK ROSY RED, OH, THAT WAS AMAZING! Q, YOUR CHEEKS LOOK ROSY RED, BUDDY.
Q, YOUR CHEEKS LOOK ROSY RED, BUDDY.
YEAH.
BUDDY.
YEAH.
DO THEY? YEAH.
DO THEY? YOU SHOULD GO WARM THEM UP BY DO THEY? YOU SHOULD GO WARM THEM UP BY THE FIRE.
YOU SHOULD GO WARM THEM UP BY THE FIRE.
HOW COULD YOU SEE HIS ASS THE FIRE.
HOW COULD YOU SEE HIS ASS CHEEKS THROUGH THAT? HOW COULD YOU SEE HIS ASS CHEEKS THROUGH THAT? MY WHAT?! CHEEKS THROUGH THAT? MY WHAT?! [ LAUGHTER .]
MY WHAT?! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, I'M NOT PUTTING MY ASS [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, I'M NOT PUTTING MY ASS CHEEKS NEAR THE FIRE.
OH, I'M NOT PUTTING MY ASS CHEEKS NEAR THE FIRE.
DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE CHEEKS NEAR THE FIRE.
DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
I'M TELLING YOU WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
I'M TELLING YOU WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
I'M TELLING YOU WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
IT WORKS THIS WAY -- WE TELL DOING.
IT WORKS THIS WAY -- WE TELL YOU.
IT WORKS THIS WAY -- WE TELL YOU.
[ LAUGHS .]
YOU.
[ LAUGHS .]
NOW THAT YOU'RE SAYING THAT, [ LAUGHS .]
NOW THAT YOU'RE SAYING THAT, WHY DON'T YOU GO WARM YOUR ASS NOW THAT YOU'RE SAYING THAT, WHY DON'T YOU GO WARM YOUR ASS CHEEKS UP BY THE FIRE? WHY DON'T YOU GO WARM YOUR ASS CHEEKS UP BY THE FIRE? JUST GOT TO WARM UP FOR A CHEEKS UP BY THE FIRE? JUST GOT TO WARM UP FOR A SECOND.
JUST GOT TO WARM UP FOR A SECOND.
ALL RIGHT.
SECOND.
ALL RIGHT.
TAKE THEM CHEEKS OUT.
ALL RIGHT.
TAKE THEM CHEEKS OUT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
TAKE THEM CHEEKS OUT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD! I NEED A LITTLE MORE CRACK.
OH, MY GOD! I NEED A LITTLE MORE CRACK.
YOU NEED A LITTLE BIT MORE I NEED A LITTLE MORE CRACK.
YOU NEED A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN THAT? YOU NEED A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN THAT? I CAN'T GET ENOUGH CRACK, Q.
THAN THAT? I CAN'T GET ENOUGH CRACK, Q.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I CAN'T GET ENOUGH CRACK, Q.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
OH! OH, MY GOD.
OH! ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT? OH! ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER .]
TOASTING A PAIR OF MARSHMALLOWS [ LAUGHTER .]
TOASTING A PAIR OF MARSHMALLOWS OVER HERE.
TOASTING A PAIR OF MARSHMALLOWS OVER HERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OVER HERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HOW ABOUT THEM SLOPES, HUH, BRO? [ LAUGHTER .]
HOW ABOUT THEM SLOPES, HUH, BRO? COOL.
HOW ABOUT THEM SLOPES, HUH, BRO? COOL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
COOL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S GOT THUMBS UP WRITTEN ALL ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S GOT THUMBS UP WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.
THAT'S GOT THUMBS UP WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OVER IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WOW.
YOU IDIOT.
HEY, JOE.
YOU SEE THIS GIRL SITTING OVER YOU SEE THIS GIRL SITTING OVER HERE? SHE'S PRETTY, HUH? PIGTAILS.
NICE.
PIGTAILS.
NICE.
YOU KNOW HOW SOME PEOPLE BLOW YOU KNOW HOW SOME PEOPLE BLOW KISSES? YEAH.
KISSES? YEAH.
WE WANT YOU TO DO THE SAME YEAH.
WE WANT YOU TO DO THE SAME THING, BUT BLOW FARTS.
THING, BUT BLOW FARTS.
YEAH, ROMANTIC FARTS.
[ LAUGHS .]
NTIC FARTS.
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU'RE A 37-YEAR-OLD MAN! YOU'RE A 37-YEAR-OLD MAN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! [ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
DO IT AGAIN! [ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
BUDDY, SHE'S GONNA WALK RIGHT [ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
BUDDY, SHE'S GONNA WALK RIGHT BY YOU.
BUDDY, SHE'S GONNA WALK RIGHT BY YOU.
DO IT RIGHT IN HER FACE AS SHE BY YOU.
DO IT RIGHT IN HER FACE AS SHE PASSES.
DO IT RIGHT IN HER FACE AS SHE PASSES.
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
PASSES.
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME.
[ SMOOCHES, MIMICS FART .]
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, JOE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, JOE.
YOU SEE THE NAPKIN DISPENSER IN HEY, JOE.
YOU SEE THE NAPKIN DISPENSER IN FRONT OF YOU? YOU SEE THE NAPKIN DISPENSER IN FRONT OF YOU? WE, UH, PUT A GIANT SNOWBALL FRONT OF YOU? WE, UH, PUT A GIANT SNOWBALL THERE.
WE, UH, PUT A GIANT SNOWBALL THERE.
CAN YOU PICK IT UP, BUD? THERE.
CAN YOU PICK IT UP, BUD? [ LAUGHS .]
CAN YOU PICK IT UP, BUD? [ LAUGHS .]
PICK IT UP AND WAIL SOMEONE [ LAUGHS .]
PICK IT UP AND WAIL SOMEONE WITH IT.
PICK IT UP AND WAIL SOMEONE WITH IT.
PICK A TARGET, BABY.
WITH IT.
PICK A TARGET, BABY.
PICK A TARGET.
PICK A TARGET, BABY.
PICK A TARGET.
UGH.
PICK A TARGET.
UGH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? UGH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? UH, HOW DO YOU START AN WHAT DO YOU THINK? UH, HOW DO YOU START AN INDOOR SNOWBALL FIGHT? UH, HOW DO YOU START AN INDOOR SNOWBALL FIGHT? JUST THROW IT.
SNOWBALL FIGHT! All: OH! TAKE THAT, SUCKERS.
All: OH! TAKE THAT, SUCKERS.
[ DING! .]
TAKE THAT, SUCKERS.
[ DING! .]
WOW.
WHAT THE HELL?! YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GONNA PLAY YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE GONNA PLAY ALICIA KEYS' BOYFRIEND IN A ALICIA KEYS' BOYFRIEND IN A VIDEO.
VIDEO.
LIKE, WHAT IS THIS? LIKE, WHAT IS THIS? ALL RIGHT, SAL.
ALL RIGHT, SAL.
YOU SEE THE GUY OVER THERE WITH YOU SEE THE GUY OVER THERE WITH THE GREEN JACKET? THE GREEN JACKET? THIS IS A NO-READING ZONE.
THIS IS A NO-READING ZONE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO YOU GOT TO STOP THAT READING.
JUST CLOSE THAT BOOK.
SO YOU GOT TO STOP THAT READING.
JUST CLOSE THAT BOOK.
YEAH.
JUST CLOSE THAT BOOK.
YEAH.
CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPENING.
YEAH.
CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPENING.
[ CHUCKLES .]
CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPENING.
[ CHUCKLES .]
OH [BLEEP.]
ME, MAN.
I JUST GOT TO -- THIS IS A NO-READING AREA.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO-READING AREA.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A NO-READING AREA.
IT'S A NO-READING AREA.
OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
CLOSE IT ONE MORE TIME AND WALK AWAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
WALK AWAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
I JUST [ CHUCKLES .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIS FACE! SAL, SIT NEXT TO THIS GROUP LOOK AT HIS FACE! SAL, SIT NEXT TO THIS GROUP OF GUYS HERE.
SAL, SIT NEXT TO THIS GROUP OF GUYS HERE.
[ SIGHS .]
OF GUYS HERE.
[ SIGHS .]
IT'S COLD OUT THERE.
[ SIGHS .]
IT'S COLD OUT THERE.
IT IS.
IT'S COLD OUT THERE.
IT IS.
SO COLD.
IT IS.
SO COLD.
SO COLD.
SO COLD.
SO COLD.
IT'S LIKE SINGLE DIGITS OUT.
SO COLD.
IT'S LIKE SINGLE DIGITS OUT.
YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S LIKE SINGLE DIGITS OUT.
YEAH, YEAH.
YOUR TONGUE GETS NUMB.
YEAH, YEAH.
YOUR TONGUE GETS NUMB.
YOU GOT A CASE OF THE NUMB YOUR TONGUE GETS NUMB.
YOU GOT A CASE OF THE NUMB TONGUE.
YOU GUYS HIT THE SLOPES? [ LAUGHTER .]
HOO! [ LAUGHTER .]
HOO! YEAH, I'VE BEEN GOING DOWN ALL HOO! YEAH, I'VE BEEN GOING DOWN ALL DAY.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN GOING DOWN ALL DAY.
I SKI.
DAY.
I SKI.
I GOT [BLEEP.]
UP OUT THERE.
I SKI.
I GOT [BLEEP.]
UP OUT THERE.
[ CHUCKLES .]
I GOT [BLEEP.]
UP OUT THERE.
[ CHUCKLES .]
SAL, THAT TONGUE'S GETTING SO SAL, THAT TONGUE'S GETTING SO NUMB YOU'RE HARDLY DISCERNABLE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
NUMB YOU'RE HARDLY DISCERNABLE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
SAY, "LET ME TELL YOU A [ TALKING CONTINUES .]
SAY, "LET ME TELL YOU A STORY," AND JUST TALK TO THE GUY SAY, "LET ME TELL YOU A STORY," AND JUST TALK TO THE GUY IN WHITE.
STORY," AND JUST TALK TO THE GUY IN WHITE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
IN WHITE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
COME OUT HERE TO GET, UH, A LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
COME OUT HERE TO GET, UH, A DINNER.
COME OUT HERE TO GET, UH, A DINNER.
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
DINNER.
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ TALKING CONTINUES .]
NOW PERFECTLY LEGIBLE GO, [ TALKING CONTINUES .]
NOW PERFECTLY LEGIBLE GO, "SKIING!" NOW PERFECTLY LEGIBLE GO, "SKIING!" SKIING! "SKIING!" SKIING! [ LAUGHTER .]
SKIING! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
Narrator: ALL FOUR JOKERS ARE [ DING! .]
Narrator: ALL FOUR JOKERS ARE SAFE ON THE SLOPES AND SAFE FROM Narrator: ALL FOUR JOKERS ARE SAFE ON THE SLOPES AND SAFE FROM THE LOSER BOARD.
SAFE ON THE SLOPES AND SAFE FROM THE LOSER BOARD.
TONIGHT, WE CAME FOR DINNER THE LOSER BOARD.
TONIGHT, WE CAME FOR DINNER AT TESTACCIO RESTAURANT, BUT WE TONIGHT, WE CAME FOR DINNER AT TESTACCIO RESTAURANT, BUT WE DON'T HAVE A RESERVATION.
AT TESTACCIO RESTAURANT, BUT WE DON'T HAVE A RESERVATION.
OH, NO! DON'T HAVE A RESERVATION.
OH, NO! NO! OH, NO! NO! SO WHILE PATRONS OF THE NO! SO WHILE PATRONS OF THE RESTAURANT ARE DINING, WE'LL BE SO WHILE PATRONS OF THE RESTAURANT ARE DINING, WE'LL BE JOINING THEIR TABLE AS UNINVITED RESTAURANT ARE DINING, WE'LL BE JOINING THEIR TABLE AS UNINVITED GUESTS.
[ EXCLAIMS .]
All: OH! THE GOAL IS TO STAY FOR All: OH! THE GOAL IS TO STAY FOR DINNER WITHOUT BEING ASKED TO THE GOAL IS TO STAY FOR DINNER WITHOUT BEING ASKED TO LEAVE.
DINNER WITHOUT BEING ASKED TO LEAVE.
IF THEY TELL YOU TO HIT THE IF THEY TELL YOU TO HIT THE BRICKS, YOU LOSE.
[ ALL EXCLAIMING .]
IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BAD, IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BAD, BOYS.
BOYS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SIGHS .]
GOD.
OKAY.
I'M GONNA GO WITH THESE TWO OKAY.
I'M GONNA GO WITH THESE TWO GIRLS HERE.
GIRLS HERE.
THERE WE GO.
PIZZA JUST CAME.
OH, PERFECT TIMING.
OH, PERFECT TIMING.
PERFECT TIMING.
PERFECT TIMING.
[ SIGHS .]
[ SIGHS .]
I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT THAT LONG FOR IT.
I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT THAT LONG FOR IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
THAT LONG FOR IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
I WAS TELLING DENISE I HAD [ LAUGHS .]
I WAS TELLING DENISE I HAD TO GET A NIGHT OUT, WHICH IS WHY I WAS TELLING DENISE I HAD TO GET A NIGHT OUT, WHICH IS WHY I'M GLAD WE CAME.
TO GET A NIGHT OUT, WHICH IS WHY I'M GLAD WE CAME.
[ LAUGHS .]
I'M GLAD WE CAME.
[ LAUGHS .]
HE'S PRETENDING THEY KNOW [ LAUGHS .]
HE'S PRETENDING THEY KNOW EACH OTHER.
HE'S PRETENDING THEY KNOW EACH OTHER.
I GOT HERE JUST IN THE NICK EACH OTHER.
I GOT HERE JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME, TOO, BECAUSE IT'S I GOT HERE JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME, TOO, BECAUSE IT'S FREEZING OUT THERE.
OF TIME, TOO, BECAUSE IT'S FREEZING OUT THERE.
FREEZING! FREEZING OUT THERE.
FREEZING! I KNOW.
FREEZING! I KNOW.
WE TOOK A CAB FROM, LIKE, TWO I KNOW.
WE TOOK A CAB FROM, LIKE, TWO BLOCKS AWAY.
WE TOOK A CAB FROM, LIKE, TWO BLOCKS AWAY.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
BLOCKS AWAY.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
FORGET ABOUT IT.
I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
FORGET ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
FORGET ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
NOW THEY'RE INTO CHITCHAT.
[ LAUGHS .]
NOW THEY'RE INTO CHITCHAT.
WHAT?! NOW THEY'RE INTO CHITCHAT.
WHAT?! THEY'RE ON SMALL TALK.
WHAT?! THEY'RE ON SMALL TALK.
THAT'S INSANE! THEY'RE ON SMALL TALK.
THAT'S INSANE! NOW THAT'S INSANE! NOW HE'S GOT THE SLICE! NOW HE'S GOT THE SLICE! HE TOOK A SLICE? HE'S GOT THE SLICE! HE TOOK A SLICE? [ LAUGHS .]
HE TOOK A SLICE? [ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S THEIR FOOD! OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S THEIR FOOD! THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE THAT'S THEIR FOOD! THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE UH-HUH.
THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE UH-HUH.
.
OH, GOD, THE FRIED UH-HUH.
.
OH, GOD, THE FRIED CALAMARI IS TO DIE FOR.
.
OH, GOD, THE FRIED CALAMARI IS TO DIE FOR.
[ LAUGHS .]
CALAMARI IS TO DIE FOR.
[ LAUGHS .]
THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW [ LAUGHS .]
THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW EASY IT IS TO PICK UP WOMEN.
THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW EASY IT IS TO PICK UP WOMEN.
[ LAUGHS .]
EASY IT IS TO PICK UP WOMEN.
[ LAUGHS .]
THIS IS NICE.
[ LAUGHS .]
THIS IS NICE.
YOU WENT WITH THE WHITE WINE.
THIS IS NICE.
YOU WENT WITH THE WHITE WINE.
DID YOU ORDER ME A GLASS OF IT? "DID YOU ORDER ME," HE SAID! YEAH.
ABSOLUTELY.
SHE'S PLAYING ALONG.
SHE'S PLAYING ALONG.
SHE'S NOT.
SHE'S NOT.
SHE'S NOT.
SHE'S NOT.
EXCUSE ME.
SHE'S NOT.
EXCUSE ME.
I'LL A GLASS OF THE SAUVIGNON EXCUSE ME.
I'LL A GLASS OF THE SAUVIGNON BLANC.
I'LL A GLASS OF THE SAUVIGNON BLANC.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BLANC.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S ORDERING! [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S ORDERING! OH! HE'S ORDERING! OH! AM I IN HER SEAT? OH! AM I IN HER SEAT? YES.
AM I IN HER SEAT? YES.
AH! AH! YES.
AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! YOU MADE IT! AH! YOU MADE IT! [ LAUGHTER .]
YOU MADE IT! [ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
YOU MADE IT.
HI.
YOU MADE IT.
OH, THERE'S TWO OF THEM! YOU MADE IT.
OH, THERE'S TWO OF THEM! NOW HE'S IN A PICKLE.
OH, THERE'S TWO OF THEM! NOW HE'S IN A PICKLE.
COME ON IN.
NOW HE'S IN A PICKLE.
COME ON IN.
THEY HAVE NOT ASKED HIM TO COME ON IN.
THEY HAVE NOT ASKED HIM TO LEAVE.
THEY HAVE NOT ASKED HIM TO LEAVE.
NO.
LEAVE.
NO.
THEY'RE SITTING ON THE BENCH.
NO.
THEY'RE SITTING ON THE BENCH.
HI.
THEY'RE SITTING ON THE BENCH.
HI.
JOANNE.
HI.
JOANNE.
MELISSA.
JOANNE.
MELISSA.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
MELISSA.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
AND THIS KATHY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
JOANNE.
SAL.
JOANNE.
PLEASURE, JOANNE.
JOANNE.
PLEASURE, JOANNE.
WHAT THE HELL?! PLEASURE, JOANNE.
WHAT THE HELL?! THE TWO NEW ONES THINK HE'S WHAT THE HELL?! THE TWO NEW ONES THINK HE'S PART OF THE TABLE.
THE TWO NEW ONES THINK HE'S PART OF THE TABLE.
NO CLUE THAT HE'S NOT PART OF PART OF THE TABLE.
NO CLUE THAT HE'S NOT PART OF IT.
NO CLUE THAT HE'S NOT PART OF IT.
SO, HOW DO YOU GUYS ALL KNOW IT.
SO, HOW DO YOU GUYS ALL KNOW EACH OTHER? SO, HOW DO YOU GUYS ALL KNOW EACH OTHER? HER SISTER IS MARRIED TO MY EACH OTHER? HER SISTER IS MARRIED TO MY BROTHER.
HER SISTER IS MARRIED TO MY BROTHER.
OH, THERE YOU GO.
BROTHER.
OH, THERE YOU GO.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
OH, THERE YOU GO.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
IT WORKED! OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
IT WORKED! IT WORKED.
IT WORKED! IT WORKED.
HE'S IN.
IT WORKED.
HE'S IN.
IT WORKED! HE'S IN.
IT WORKED! [ LAUGHTER .]
IT WORKED! [ LAUGHTER .]
CAN I PROPOSE A TOAST? [ LAUGHTER .]
CAN I PROPOSE A TOAST? YEAH.
CAN I PROPOSE A TOAST? YEAH.
SURE.
YEAH.
SURE.
TO FRIENDS NEW AND OLD.
SURE.
TO FRIENDS NEW AND OLD.
WE DON'T GET ENOUGH.
TO FRIENDS NEW AND OLD.
WE DON'T GET ENOUGH.
NO, WE DON'T.
WE DON'T GET ENOUGH.
NO, WE DON'T.
LET'S DO IT MORE OFTEN.
NO, WE DON'T.
LET'S DO IT MORE OFTEN.
CHEERS! LET'S DO IT MORE OFTEN.
CHEERS! CHEERS! CHEERS! CHEERS! LADIES NIGHT! CHEERS! LADIES NIGHT! HE'S IN.
LADIES NIGHT! HE'S IN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S IN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
NERVOUS? [ CHUCKLES .]
I AM NERVOUS.
[ CHUCKLES .]
I AM NERVOUS.
I AM NERVOUS, BUT [ Yawning .]
OH, I GOT THIS ONE FIGURED OUT.
ONE FIGURED OUT.
I THINK I GOT THIS ONE I THINK I GOT THIS ONE FIGURED OUT.
FIGURED OUT.
[ LAUGHS .]
OH, PLEASE.
YOU HAVE A FOOL-PROOF PLAN YOU HAVE A FOOL-PROOF PLAN BEFORE EVERYTHING WE EVER DO.
I THINK I DO.
BEFORE EVERYTHING WE EVER DO.
I THINK I DO.
NOT GONNA LISTEN TO IT.
I THINK I DO.
NOT GONNA LISTEN TO IT.
WHO, OUT OF EVERYONE ON THIS NOT GONNA LISTEN TO IT.
WHO, OUT OF EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET, DO PEOPLE NEVER WHO, OUT OF EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET, DO PEOPLE NEVER INTERRUPT? PLANET, DO PEOPLE NEVER INTERRUPT? THE ANSWER, MY FRIENDS, IS A MAN INTERRUPT? THE ANSWER, MY FRIENDS, IS A MAN OF GOD.
THE ANSWER, MY FRIENDS, IS A MAN OF GOD.
[ LAUGHS .]
OF GOD.
[ LAUGHS .]
HE'S WALKING AROUND BLESSING [ LAUGHS .]
HE'S WALKING AROUND BLESSING PEOPLE.
HE'S WALKING AROUND BLESSING PEOPLE.
THE SAD TRUTH OF THE MATTER PEOPLE.
THE SAD TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS IF MURRAY EVER STEPPED INTO A THE SAD TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS IF MURRAY EVER STEPPED INTO A CHURCH, HE WOULD BURST INTO IS IF MURRAY EVER STEPPED INTO A CHURCH, HE WOULD BURST INTO FLAMES.
CHURCH, HE WOULD BURST INTO FLAMES.
[ LAUGHS .]
FLAMES.
[ LAUGHS .]
HERE WE GO.
[ LAUGHS .]
HERE WE GO.
HELLO, FOLKS.
HERE WE GO.
HELLO, FOLKS.
HOW ARE YOU, TONIGHT? HELLO, FOLKS.
HOW ARE YOU, TONIGHT? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU, TONIGHT? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
MY NAME IS MINISTER MURRAY.
GOOD.
MY NAME IS MINISTER MURRAY.
I'M A MAN OF GOD.
MY NAME IS MINISTER MURRAY.
I'M A MAN OF GOD.
HE DOES LOOK LIKE A VIRGIN.
I'M A MAN OF GOD.
HE DOES LOOK LIKE A VIRGIN.
OH.
HE DOES LOOK LIKE A VIRGIN.
OH.
[ CHUCKLES .]
OH.
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ LAUGHS .]
I RUN THE CHURCH A FEW BLOCKS [ LAUGHS .]
I RUN THE CHURCH A FEW BLOCKS AWAY.
I RUN THE CHURCH A FEW BLOCKS AWAY.
IT'S, UH, CHURCH OF, UH, AWAY.
IT'S, UH, CHURCH OF, UH, SAINT DALTON.
IT'S, UH, CHURCH OF, UH, SAINT DALTON.
BEFORE WE EAT, AT THE SAINT DALTON.
BEFORE WE EAT, AT THE RESTAURANT, WE LIKE TO SAY A BEFORE WE EAT, AT THE RESTAURANT, WE LIKE TO SAY A LITTLE BLESSING.
RESTAURANT, WE LIKE TO SAY A LITTLE BLESSING.
JUST -- LITTLE BLESSING.
JUST -- [ LAUGHTER .]
JUST -- [ LAUGHTER .]
THEY'RE JOINING HANDS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THEY'RE JOINING HANDS.
BLESS THIS FOOD, FOR THESE, THEY'RE JOINING HANDS.
BLESS THIS FOOD, FOR THESE, THY GIFTS, FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BLESS THIS FOOD, FOR THESE, THY GIFTS, FOR THOSE WHO HAVE FORTUNE SOMETIMES ARE LESS THY GIFTS, FOR THOSE WHO HAVE FORTUNE SOMETIMES ARE LESS FORTUNATE THAN OTHERS.
FORTUNE SOMETIMES ARE LESS FORTUNATE THAN OTHERS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
FORTUNATE THAN OTHERS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIS FACE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIS FACE.
HE'S LOOKING AT MURRAY LIKE LOOK AT HIS FACE.
HE'S LOOKING AT MURRAY LIKE WE LOOK AT MURRAY.
HE'S LOOKING AT MURRAY LIKE WE LOOK AT MURRAY.
RIGHT.
WE LOOK AT MURRAY.
RIGHT.
LET THE CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER RIGHT.
LET THE CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER REMIND YOU HOW YOU USED TO BE, LET THE CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER REMIND YOU HOW YOU USED TO BE, FOR I BELIEVE THAT ALL WHO ARE REMIND YOU HOW YOU USED TO BE, FOR I BELIEVE THAT ALL WHO ARE CHILDREN EVENTUALLY BECOME FOR I BELIEVE THAT ALL WHO ARE CHILDREN EVENTUALLY BECOME OLDER.
HE JUST SAID, "AMEN.
" HE TRIED TO CUT HIM OFF.
HE TRIED TO CUT HIM OFF.
A FEW BLOCKS AWAY.
HE'S SNIFFING YOU OUT.
WE'RE ON THE CORNER OF, UH, WE'RE ON THE CORNER OF, UH, ADAM AND, UH, LEVINE STREET.
ADAM AND, UH, LEVINE STREET.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ONCE THEY SEE THROUGH HIS BULL[BLEEP.]
THEY MIGHT TELL HIM BULL[BLEEP.]
THEY MIGHT TELL HIM TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
LIKE FOUR BLOCKS THAT WAY ON LIKE FOUR BLOCKS THAT WAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY.
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH!HTER .]
I FEEL, AT THIS POINT, AS IF I'M UNWELCOME.
OH!OME.
OH [BLEEP.]
OH [BLEEP.]
I CAN STAY? I CAN STAY? NO! NO! I CAN STAY? OH, COME ON! THAT WORKED? THAT WORKED? [ ALL GROAN .]
[ ALL GROAN .]
BLESSED BE US ALL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BLESSED BE US ALL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, FATHER MURRAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, FATHER MURRAY.
WELL DONE, PADRE.
WELL DONE, PADRE.
Q, YOU LOOK GOOD TODAY, BUD.
YOU DO CLEAN UP NICELY.
BUD.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE MONEY? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE MONEY? IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MAXED OUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MAXED OUT YOUR CREDIT CARD ON A SPORTS YOUR CREDIT CARD ON A SPORTS COAT.
COAT.
BUT TO SOMEONE WHO BUT TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW ME, I MIGHT HAVE DOESN'T KNOW ME, I MIGHT HAVE MONEY.
MONEY.
NO.
NO.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MAXED OUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MAXED OUT YOUR CREDIT CARD ON THE SPORTS YOUR CREDIT CARD ON THE SPORTS COAT.
COAT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
HI.
HOW YOU GUYS? HOW YOU GUYS? ENJOYING THE, UH -- THE ENJOYING THE, UH -- THE APPETIZERS? APPETIZERS? OKAY.
EXCELLENT.
OKAY.
EXCELLENT.
AND DO YOU MIND IF I, UH, JOIN YOU FOR ONE QUICK SECOND? AND DO YOU MIND IF I, UH, JOIN YOU FOR ONE QUICK SECOND? I SENT OVER THE APPETIZERS.
YOU FOR ONE QUICK SECOND? I SENT OVER THE APPETIZERS.
I JUST WANTED TO -- I SENT OVER THE APPETIZERS.
I JUST WANTED TO -- HE SENT OVER THE APPETIZER.
I JUST WANTED TO -- HE SENT OVER THE APPETIZER.
MY NAME'S BRIAN QUINN.
HE SENT OVER THE APPETIZER.
MY NAME'S BRIAN QUINN.
HI, HOW YOU DOING, SIR? MY NAME'S BRIAN QUINN.
HI, HOW YOU DOING, SIR? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? HI, HOW YOU DOING, SIR? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? I AM, UH, QUITE WEALTHY.
GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? I AM, UH, QUITE WEALTHY.
I'M INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY.
I AM, UH, QUITE WEALTHY.
I'M INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY.
[ LAUGHS .]
I'M INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY.
[ LAUGHS .]
I HAVE A YACHT OFF THE COAST [ LAUGHS .]
I HAVE A YACHT OFF THE COAST OF BROOKLYN.
I HAVE A YACHT OFF THE COAST OF BROOKLYN.
[ LAUGHS .]
OF BROOKLYN.
[ LAUGHS .]
SO, I THOUGHT WHAT I WOULD DO [ LAUGHS .]
SO, I THOUGHT WHAT I WOULD DO IS COME OVER AND MAKE AN OFFER SO, I THOUGHT WHAT I WOULD DO IS COME OVER AND MAKE AN OFFER TO YOU, SIR IS COME OVER AND MAKE AN OFFER TO YOU, SIR THE HELL'S HE DOING?! TO YOU, SIR THE HELL'S HE DOING?! AND FIND OUT HOW MUCH IT THE HELL'S HE DOING?! AND FIND OUT HOW MUCH IT WOULD BE FOR YOU TO, UM, SPEND AND FIND OUT HOW MUCH IT WOULD BE FOR YOU TO, UM, SPEND ONE NIGHT WITH ME.
WOULD BE FOR YOU TO, UM, SPEND ONE NIGHT WITH ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ONE NIGHT WITH ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
TO HIM OR TO HER? [ LAUGHTER .]
TO HIM OR TO HER? HE'S TAKING TO HIM.
TO HIM OR TO HER? HE'S TAKING TO HIM.
THIS MEAL IS, OF COURSE, ON HE'S TAKING TO HIM.
THIS MEAL IS, OF COURSE, ON ME.
THIS MEAL IS, OF COURSE, ON ME.
[ LAUGHS .]
ME.
[ LAUGHS .]
I'LL EXPENSE IT AS A BUSINESS [ LAUGHS .]
I'LL EXPENSE IT AS A BUSINESS EXPENSE.
I'LL EXPENSE IT AS A BUSINESS EXPENSE.
WHO'S GONNA ASK A GUY WHO EXPENSE.
WHO'S GONNA ASK A GUY WHO SAYS, "I'LL BUY YOU DINNER," TO WHO'S GONNA ASK A GUY WHO SAYS, "I'LL BUY YOU DINNER," TO LEAVE? SAYS, "I'LL BUY YOU DINNER," TO LEAVE? NO ONE! LEAVE? NO ONE! YOU'RE A GENIUS AND A CHEATER.
I GUESS WE'RE READY TO ORDER.
ARE WE READY TO ORDER? EXCUSE ME, SIR.
ARE WE READY TO ORDER? EXCUSE ME, SIR.
CAN I GET THE PESTO? EXCUSE ME, SIR.
CAN I GET THE PESTO? [ LAUGHTER .]
CAN I GET THE PESTO? [ LAUGHTER .]
CHEERS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
WOW! KING OF THE LOOPHOLE.
THE OLD DIRTY LOOPHOLE, YOU THE OLD DIRTY LOOPHOLE, YOU KNOW? KNOW? [ DING! .]
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK YOU GOT TO DO HERE? TO DO HERE? YOU GOT TO BE CONFUSED AND YOU GOT TO BE CONFUSED AND HOPEFULLY IT GETS INFECTIOUS, HOPEFULLY IT GETS INFECTIOUS, RIGHT? RIGHT? SO IF I'M CONFUSED, THEY SO IF I'M CONFUSED, THEY PROBABLY WILL BE.
PROBABLY WILL BE.
WAIT, WHAT? WAIT, WHAT? [ CHUCKLES .]
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ SIGHS .]
HE'S GOING RIGHT IN.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SIGHS .]
SIR.
[ SIGHS .]
SIR.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
SIR.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHS .]
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHS .]
GRAZIE.
[ LAUGHS .]
GRAZIE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GRAZIE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOBODY IS SAYING ANYTHING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOBODY IS SAYING ANYTHING.
[ CHUCKLES .]
NOBODY IS SAYING ANYTHING.
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S GOT HIS ARM ON THE GUY'S [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S GOT HIS ARM ON THE GUY'S CHAIR! HE'S GOT HIS ARM ON THE GUY'S CHAIR! OH, SHE IS SHOOTING DAGGERS.
CHAIR! OH, SHE IS SHOOTING DAGGERS.
HOW DOES JOE EVEN THINK THAT OH, SHE IS SHOOTING DAGGERS.
HOW DOES JOE EVEN THINK THAT THIS IS A GOOD APPROACH? OH, NO.
I WASN'T EXPECTING ANYBODY.
I WAS -- I WAS HAPPY, ACTUALLY, I WASN'T EXPECTING ANYBODY.
I WAS -- I WAS HAPPY, ACTUALLY, THAT YOU GUYS WERE HERE SO I HAD I WAS -- I WAS HAPPY, ACTUALLY, THAT YOU GUYS WERE HERE SO I HAD SOMEONE TO SIT WITH.
THAT YOU GUYS WERE HERE SO I HAD SOMEONE TO SIT WITH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SOMEONE TO SIT WITH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WOULD THAT BE ALL RIGHT IF I [ LAUGHTER .]
WOULD THAT BE ALL RIGHT IF I JOINED YOU FOR DINNER? WOULD THAT BE ALL RIGHT IF I JOINED YOU FOR DINNER? NOT REALLY? NOT REALLY? OKAY.
WELL.
OKAY.
WELL.
All: OH! WELL.
All: OH! I APPRECIATE IT, THOUGH.
All: OH! I APPRECIATE IT, THOUGH.
[ SIGHS .]
I APPRECIATE IT, THOUGH.
[ SIGHS .]
SORRY, BUDDY! [ SIGHS .]
SORRY, BUDDY! Narrator: JOE GATTO, PARTY OF SORRY, BUDDY! Narrator: JOE GATTO, PARTY OF ONE.
Narrator: JOE GATTO, PARTY OF ONE.
IT'S TIME FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT.
ONE.
IT'S TIME FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT.
HERE WE GO, BUDDY.
IT'S TIME FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT.
HERE WE GO, BUDDY.
GO, TAKE OFF THAT BLINDFOLD, YOU HERE WE GO, BUDDY.
GO, TAKE OFF THAT BLINDFOLD, YOU LOSER.
GO, TAKE OFF THAT BLINDFOLD, YOU LOSER.
HERE WE GO! LOSER.
HERE WE GO! [ LAUGHS .]
HERE WE GO! [ LAUGHS .]
I GOT IT.
[ LAUGHS .]
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
ALL RIGHT.
I GOT IT.
ALL RIGHT.
I GET IN THIS, POP OUT IN FRONT ALL RIGHT.
I GET IN THIS, POP OUT IN FRONT OF -- IN FRONT OF WHO? I GET IN THIS, POP OUT IN FRONT OF -- IN FRONT OF WHO? WHO'S IN THERE? OF -- IN FRONT OF WHO? WHO'S IN THERE? WHO'S IN THERE? WHO'S IN THERE? WHO'S IN THERE? BACHELORETTES! WHO'S IN THERE? BACHELORETTES! SO, THESE WOMEN ARE LOOKING BACHELORETTES! SO, THESE WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR SOME SWEET MOVES.
SO, THESE WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR SOME SWEET MOVES.
THEY SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR A FOR SOME SWEET MOVES.
THEY SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR A REFUND.
THEY SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR A REFUND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
REFUND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GET IN THERE AND BRING THE [ LAUGHTER .]
GET IN THERE AND BRING THE HEAT, BABY.
GET IN THERE AND BRING THE HEAT, BABY.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
HEAT, BABY.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
OH, MAN.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
OH, MAN.
[ DRILL WHIRRING .]
OH, MAN.
[ DRILL WHIRRING .]
SAL, AM ON THE FLOOR, YET? [ DRILL WHIRRING .]
SAL, AM ON THE FLOOR, YET? JOE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE SAL, AM ON THE FLOOR, YET? JOE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE IS, 'CAUSE HE'S BEING WHEELED JOE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE IS, 'CAUSE HE'S BEING WHEELED AROUND IN A CAKE.
HE IS, 'CAUSE HE'S BEING WHEELED AROUND IN A CAKE.
WHAT JOE DOESN'T REALIZE IS AROUND IN A CAKE.
WHAT JOE DOESN'T REALIZE IS THAT THERE'S NO BACHELORETTE WHAT JOE DOESN'T REALIZE IS THAT THERE'S NO BACHELORETTE PARTY.
THAT THERE'S NO BACHELORETTE PARTY.
HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP OUT OF A CAKE PARTY.
HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP OUT OF A CAKE IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF WAR HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP OUT OF A CAKE IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF WAR VETERANS.
IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF WAR VETERANS.
[ CHUCKLES .]
VETERANS.
[ CHUCKLES .]
MEN WHO HAVE FOUGHT AND WON [ CHUCKLES .]
MEN WHO HAVE FOUGHT AND WON WARS -- MEN WAY BETTER THAN US.
MEN WHO HAVE FOUGHT AND WON WARS -- MEN WAY BETTER THAN US.
YES.
WARS -- MEN WAY BETTER THAN US.
YES.
WAY BETTER THAN WE -- YES.
WAY BETTER THAN WE -- MEN.
MEN.
WAY BETTER THAN WE -- MEN.
MEN.
MEN.
MEN.
MEN.
MEN.
WE'RE BOYS.
THEY'RE MEN.
MEN.
WE'RE BOYS.
THEY'RE MEN.
[ APPLAUSE .]
WE'RE BOYS.
THEY'RE MEN.
[ APPLAUSE .]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[ APPLAUSE .]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I THINK WE NEED A CAKE.
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I THINK WE NEED A CAKE.
LET'S BRING OUT THE CAKE, BOYS.
THINK WE NEED A CAKE.
LET'S BRING OUT THE CAKE, BOYS.
WHERE'S THE CAKE? LET'S BRING OUT THE CAKE, BOYS.
WHERE'S THE CAKE? OH, WOW! WHERE'S THE CAKE? OH, WOW! HOLY [BLEEP.]
OH, WOW! HOLY [BLEEP.]
THIS IS AWESOME.
HOLY [BLEEP.]
THIS IS AWESOME.
I'M READY TO GO.
THIS IS AWESOME.
I'M READY TO GO.
I'M GONNA -- I'M GONNA OWN THIS.
I'M READY TO GO.
I'M GONNA -- I'M GONNA OWN THIS.
REMEMBER, THESE WOMEN ARE I'M GONNA -- I'M GONNA OWN THIS.
REMEMBER, THESE WOMEN ARE EXPECTING A SHOW, OKAY? REMEMBER, THESE WOMEN ARE EXPECTING A SHOW, OKAY? WAIT TILL HE SEES WHAT IS EXPECTING A SHOW, OKAY? WAIT TILL HE SEES WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO HIM! WAIT TILL HE SEES WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO HIM! HERE WE GO, LADIES! ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO HIM! HERE WE GO, LADIES! OH, GOD.
HERE WE GO, LADIES! OH, GOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS NOT EASY TO GET OUT OF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS NOT EASY TO GET OUT OF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
TA-DA! [ LAUGHTER .]
TA-DA! ALL RIGHT.
TA-DA! ALL RIGHT.
NOW GIVE A SPEECH TO THESE ALL RIGHT.
NOW GIVE A SPEECH TO THESE VETERANS THANKING THEM FOR THEIR NOW GIVE A SPEECH TO THESE VETERANS THANKING THEM FOR THEIR SERVICE.
VETERANS THANKING THEM FOR THEIR SERVICE.
[ SIGHS .]
OH, WOW.
SERVICE.
[ SIGHS .]
OH, WOW.
UH, I JUST WANT TO TAKE A -- [ SIGHS .]
OH, WOW.
UH, I JUST WANT TO TAKE A -- TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK UH, I JUST WANT TO TAKE A -- TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK EVERYBODY, UH, FOR THEIR TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK EVERYBODY, UH, FOR THEIR SERVICE.
EVERYBODY, UH, FOR THEIR SERVICE.
I AM NOT A FIGHTER.
SERVICE.
I AM NOT A FIGHTER.
YOU KNOW, IF IT WAS UP TO ME TO I AM NOT A FIGHTER.
YOU KNOW, IF IT WAS UP TO ME TO DEFEND THIS COUNTRY, WE MIGHT YOU KNOW, IF IT WAS UP TO ME TO DEFEND THIS COUNTRY, WE MIGHT EVEN BE SPEAKING GERMAN AT THIS DEFEND THIS COUNTRY, WE MIGHT EVEN BE SPEAKING GERMAN AT THIS POINT OR, UH EVEN BE SPEAKING GERMAN AT THIS POINT OR, UH KOREAN.
POINT OR, UH KOREAN.
SOUTHERN.
KOREAN.
SOUTHERN.
[ Laughing .]
SOUTHERN.
SOUTHERN.
[ Laughing .]
SOUTHERN.
CIVIL WAR.
I DON'T KNOW.
[ Laughing .]
SOUTHERN.
CIVIL WAR.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY EVEN HELD A CIVIL WAR.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY EVEN HELD A GUN.
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY EVEN HELD A GUN.
I ACTUALLY PLAYED "CALL OF DUTY" GUN.
I ACTUALLY PLAYED "CALL OF DUTY" ONCE -- THAT VIDEO GAME -- AND I I ACTUALLY PLAYED "CALL OF DUTY" ONCE -- THAT VIDEO GAME -- AND I PISSED MYSELF ON MY COUCH.
ONCE -- THAT VIDEO GAME -- AND I PISSED MYSELF ON MY COUCH.
I WAS -- [ CHUCKLES .]
I PISSED MYSELF ON MY COUCH.
I WAS -- [ CHUCKLES .]
I DIDN'T -- I WAS -- [ CHUCKLES .]
I DIDN'T -- WHERE DID YOU BUY THE COUCH, DIDN'T -- WHERE DID YOU BUY THE COUCH, BUD? WHERE DID YOU BUY THE COUCH, BUD? RAYMOUR & FLANIGAN.
BUD? RAYMOUR & FLANIGAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
RAYMOUR & FLANIGAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, JOE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, JOE.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
ALL RIGHT, JOE.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
HIT IT, BOYS.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
HIT IT, BOYS.
OH, GOD.
HIT IT, BOYS.
OH, GOD.
[ SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
OH, GOD.
[ SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
DANCE! DANCE, YOU MONKEY! [ SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
DANCE! DANCE, YOU MONKEY! JOE.
DANCE! DANCE, YOU MONKEY! JOE.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
JOE.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
JOE.
DANCE FOR THE VETS.
JOE.
PUT YOUR HEART INTO IT.
JOE.
PUT YOUR HEART INTO IT.
DON'T SHOOT THEM.
PUT YOUR HEART INTO IT.
DON'T SHOOT THEM.
OH, HE'S -- DON'T SHOOT THEM.
OH, HE'S -- [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, HE'S -- [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S THROWING GRENADES.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S THROWING GRENADES.
HE'S TAKING COVER.
HE'S THROWING GRENADES.
HE'S TAKING COVER.
THERE'S THE EXPLOSION.
HE'S TAKING COVER.
THERE'S THE EXPLOSION.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ Laughing .]
OH, MY GOD.
OH, GOD.
OH, JOE.
JUST STOP.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
[ Laughing .]
THANK YOU.
[ Laughing .]
THANK YOU.
[ APPLAUSE .]
[ APPLAUSE .]
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
All: YEAH!