Las Vegas s03e11 Episode Script

Oh, Niki, that's so cool.
Oh, it's really, really, really great.
Oh! I love Vegas! For the love of God, who's in charge here? What the hell's goin' on here? Looks like Sodom and Gomorrah.
It's the A.
P.
A.
C.
, Daddy.
It's the what? The Adult Products and Accessories Convention.
It's the porn convention.
Porn conv-Who booked the porn convention? Casey.
He did, did he? Mm-hmm.
Make sure there's no funny business going on around here.
Yeah.
Sure thing, Daddy.
Where's Casey? Hey.
Hey! Hi.
I knew you couldn't let go of me.
Yeah.
I just wanted you to know that I filed our divorce papers today.
And I was just wondering, do you plan on honoring your commitment or- I am a man of my word.
We'll let that one go.
So, I own half the casino? Sam, you know that I want you to get everything you deserve.
You really gonna go through with this? Are you? Sure.
Um, can we get together and, uh,just kinda decide who's gonna run what in our casino.
I'm sure you can imagine I have a variety of thoughts on the subject.
Yeah.
I'll be in the presidential suite.
Here we are live at the final table of the Montecito Winner Take All, $10 million event.
The greatest first prize in the history of tournament poker.
The field of 400 has been whittled down to just six players.
It's all very exciting, isn't it? I'm juiced up, man.
Me too.
This is like my Super Bowl.
Then why didn't you enter? It's invitation only.
I didn't get invited.
Plus, I don't gamble anymore.
You know that.
Yeah, I know that.
I'm just making sure that you know that.
Come on.
I'm just watching.
Mm-hmm.
- You don't see alcoholics go to the bar to watch people drink, do you? - Because there's no skill in that.
I mean, come on, where else can a schoolteacher enter through a free online satellite and have a one in six shot at winning $ 10 million? The way you say "$10 million" scares me.
schoolteacher, she's the neophyte here.
- And the schoolteacher,julie Zelman- - She's kind of hot.
You like that girl-next-door thing.
Mmm.
And Howard "the Professor" Lederer reraises the raise from the schoolteacher,Julie Zelman.
It's an amazing story.
This schoolteacher who's come from a field of 500 down to a final six.
Camera two missed Howard's cards.
So tell 'em.
Can you have Howard re-swipe his cards? Okay.
Shawn, she still hasn't decided what to do here.
She knows it's early in the tournament, and any decisions at this stage could mean winning or losing $ 10 million.
Schoolteacher's studying the table.
There's a lot of pressure on Julie right now.
This is a big moment for her.
Whatever she decides here could be make-or-break time for her.
Looks like she's gonna take one more look at her cards.
And she comes over the top, all in.
This is something.
And she puts on the sunglasses.
She's having a Hollywood moment.
Let's see what Howard decides to do here.
And nope, looks like he's gonna fold.
Sojulie takes the whole pot.
I can't believe she pulled that off.
You can tell how new she is at this.
She's just shown us her cards, a five and a two.
- Nothing in her hand and- - Damn.
That is unbelievable.
What a play.
She is either ridiculously good or ridiculously dumb.
Now, don't be jealous just because she bluffed Howard out of his hand and you bought Howard his car.
It's okay.
Aw, that's cold.
I didn't lose that much.
I was pretty good back in the day.
Spoken like a true addict.
Hey, Casey, can I see you a minute? Yeah, sure, Ed.
That's good.
Thank you.
- Wanna, uh- - Yeah.
Listen, I think you're making a big mistake.
Any money you make with this short-term porn thing is a long-term disaster publicity-wise, okay? Don't be such a prude, Ed.
I'm not a prude.
Look, I just think that some guy taking his wife out for dinner for $300 doesn't want to look across the table at some orgy.
But what the heck, that's just me.
You know what? I couldn't agree with you more.
Really? Yeah.
Honestly, I didn't even know what the A.
P.
A.
C.
stood for myself when I booked it.
Can you take care of it? Yeah, I can try.
We'll stick 'em all in the east wing.
Because you know what, Ed? You're right.
The Montecito has got some major P.
R.
problems.
After Monica's death, we have to completely redo our image.
When people think of the Montecito, I want them to think of class, of integrity, of decorum.
Ed, I want 'em to think of you.
What the hell are you talking about? I hired this big director to shoot a commercial.
I want you to be in it.
What? Ed, you are gonna be the new face of the Montecito.
Casey, I'm- I'm not an actor, man.
So what? Neither was Steve Wynn.
He put himself on the roof in his ads.
You could become famous.
Well, uh, Monica, she went up on the roof too.
Yeah.
I'm- I'm not going up on any roof.
d Boy,you feelin'lucky tonight d d Roll the dice again and let it ride d d Let it ride Let it ride d d You gonna do this one more time d d Hit me again and let it ride d d Let it ride Let it ride d d Are you gonna play tonight d d'Cause Lady Luck is right by your side d d By your side By your side d d Gonna do this one more time d d Hit me again and let it ride d d Let it ride, let it ride Let it ride, let it ride dd Welcome to the Montecito.
You know, the Montecito is not just a hotel.
It's not just a casino.
It's an exciting world where all your dreams- Cut! What? Edward, that's just excellent.
Excellent.
Yeah, huh? I just need you to loosen it up a bit.
You're too stiff.
I feel like a complete ass, to be honest with you.
No.
You're doing great.
It just needs to feel more conversational.
What conversation? I'm - I'm walking through the casino talking to myself like a crazy person.
I don't even know where the heck I'm going.
Am I going over here to the bar? Am I going to meet somebody? That's it.
You're not supposed to be talking to yourself.
You're supposed to be talking to us, the audience.
Right.
Now, Edward, what can I do to make this more comfortable for you? First of all, you can stop calling me Edward, okay? Eddie? No.
Ed.
Ed.
Right.
What I need for you to do is just relax.
You know, it's just like when Sonny was talking to his brother in The Godfather.
Never saw it.
Ed, it's a classic.
You do understand what I mean when I say conversational? It's like what we're doing right now.
I understand.
The way you just said, "I understand.
" That's it.
Exactly it.
Hold on to that.
Okay.
Here we go.
Here we go.
All right.
From the top.
Places.
What? This guy sucks.
All right.
Come on, everybody.
Let's go.
Suit up.
" European-style pool" does not mean bottomless.
Guys too.
What's the big deal? Wow.
Mary? Yeah? We're out ofJell-O, and Room Why do they need three gallons ofJell- I don't want to know.
Congratulations.
That was fantastic.
Oh, yeah? Staring down Howard Lederer like that.
That was, uh, pretty- I was intimidated.
Oh, I'll let you in on a little secret.
What? I had my eyes closed behind my sunglasses.
- Please don't tell anyone.
- My lips are sealed.
Not a word.
Not a single word.
Listen, my name is Danny McCoy.
Julie Zelman.
Nice to meet you.
I work here at the Montecito.
So if there's anything that I can do to make your stay a little more pleasant,just let me know.
That's very nice.
Will do.
Congratulations.
Again.
Danny McCoy.
Hardest working man in Vegas.
It's not work if you love what you do, Mike.
What are you doing? This looks like a zinc-air battery.
They're used in wireless earpieces that have automatic frequency control.
So? Someone could be getting information and signaling to one of the players.
You're working a little hard on this one, aren't you? It's not work when you love what you do.
Yeah? Hi, I'm Danny McCoy.
This is surveillance expert Mike Cannon.
We work security here at the Montecito.
I'm Lance Marshall.
I'm the show's producer.
How can I help you? We found-We found this battery in the seats.
We think it's from a wireless earpiece.
- Yeah, so? - Is it possible that someone is picking up the signal and relaying it to a player? Albert! Wow.
This is it.
Where it all happens.
I'm kind of a big fan.
Fanatic.
Yeah.
Well, this is Albert.
He's the technology genius here.
You can ask him anything you want.
Uh, how does it all work? Well, basically, each player has a tiny camera lodged into the table for their hole cards.
Those cameras are connected to wires that travel from the table directly into here and into their own iso decks.
- Could someone steal the video signal? - No.
I'd see a blip on the screen.
- What if you're looking the other way? - Then, I'd have to be looking away every single time at the exact second they tapped in.
The only people that have access to this truck are Albert and myself.
And we don't show the footage to anyone till after the event to prevent cheating.
- Well, can we see it? - Sorry.
Only the producers can see anything until it's over.
Those are the network rules.
If you want to take it up with them, fine, but- Albert, let's go.
Terrific talking to you.
No, no- Actually, it's a matter of security- Sex, sex, sex! They don't come up for air.
I am so sorry, Mrs.
Schwepski.
I'll have your room changed immediately.
We heard animal noises.
It's disgusting.
I'll upgrade you to a suite.
Thank you.
Uh-huh.
This porn thing is a nightmare.
Tell me about it.
You can't imagine what someone tried to do right here on the bar earlier.
Ugh.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, guys.
I just got a call from Lance with the poker tournament.
Said you guys were there harassing him? We were hardly harassing him.
It's not important.
The point is, this tournament is great publicity for the hotel.
It's also your 10 mil being used out there.
How would it look if we found out someone was cheating? That's why we're not gonna find out.
Look, Mike, it's entertainment.
Okay? And the 10 million is worth every penny for the publicity.
Just-Just-Just let it go.
Don't worry about it.
Okay? Okay.
Don't you think it's a little odd that guy would call Casey? You heard him, Mike.
Just let it go.
All right.
The topless pool is that way.
- Thanks.
Thanks.
This has, without a doubt, been the weirdest day I have ever had here.
Hey.
! You got to help me.
! Where's security around here? Someone just stole my Woody.
- Exhibit " A.
" - Okay, sir, what are you talking about? I lost my Woody! It's gone.
They have medication for that sort of thing.
No.
The Bronze Woody.
I'm an adult film producer.
Rod Russell.
Russell the Love Muscle? Oh, is that- Yeah.
Anyway, I won the Bronze Woody last year for best hetero film.
- Someone stole it out of my room.
- You travel with your Woody? I brought it to the convention for the fans.
I mean, it's diamond encrusted, worth about $25,000.
- I hope you guys have an insurance policy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay.
Which- Which room are you in, sir? Uh- 2132.
Okay, well, we'll look into it for you.
We don't have cameras in the room, but we do have cameras in the hallways.
With any luck, we'll find your Woody and get back to you shortly.
- Thank you.
"Welcome to the all-new Montecito, a place for families, for the sophisticated gambler, for the discerning"- Martin, who the heck talks like that? I don't even know what " discerning" means.
Would you get that stuff out of my face, please? Just for a minute.
No.
No.
It's just makeup, Ed.
We can't have you all shiny on television.
Yeah, I understand.
There's a difference between a little powder and making me look like Liberace, okay? Got it.
Hey, kiddo.
Hey, honey.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe it! Yeah, I know.
You believe the stuff this place makes me do? Martin? Jilly!Jilly! Oh, my God.
You look fabulous! I do? - Jilly? - Oh, honey, I'm- - Martin, this is my husband, Eddie.
- Ed.
Ed.
We've met.
Martin and I know each other, honey.
- I can see that.
- Back from the days when she was a brilliant young model.
Amazingly, looking even better today.
Oh, stop.
They didn't tell me you were directing this.
I thought you were making movies now.
Ah, darling, we all have to pay the bills.
How's he doing? Brilliant.
So how long has it been? Oh, please.
I don't even want to think about that.
And how's Fidel Castro? - 'Scuse me? - He thought that the birthmark on the back of my leg looked like Fidel Castro.
It was a little further up than the back of your leg.
How does he know Fidel? Oh- Martin and I used to date, honey.
- Uh-huh.
- We did a little more than date.
- Do you believe how crazy life is? - No, I can't, honey.
Come here.
How nice- Welcome to the all-new Montecito.
Holy crap.
Look at all the people coming out of this porn guy's room.
Is that a dwarf? I guess I'm a real square because this stuff totally creeps me out.
- What's the craziest thing you've ever done in bed? - What? What, are we dating? Man, look at the screen.
Do yourjob.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Montecito employee.
Punch in on that, will you? Mm-hmm.
- Anybody recognize him? - No.
VideoIQ him.
Mm-hmm.
Nothin'.
See if you can get an angle on that I.
D.
badge.
- It says Jeff Sanders.
- Except that's notJeff.
Mm-mmm.
Woody or no Woody, we got a crime.
Let's go.
Hey, you mind handling this one on your own? I want to check something out.
Oh, yeah.
Like what? Like the, uh, poker footage? Oh, that's right.
We have our own cameras in there.
- You heard Casey, Mike.
- Since when are we supposed to look away from someone cheating in our casino? We don't know if anybody's cheating.
I want to make sure.
$10 million of this casino's money could be going to someone who cheated.
That doesn't bother you? - All right.
Let me know if you find anything.
- Aye, aye, Captain.
Let's find out everything we have on every player at that table.
Aye, aye, Captain.
Ah, champagne.
Come in! You can leave it right in there.
Thank you.
Why, you deserve the royal treatment, my darling.
Would you like some champagne? Shall I pour? - Why are you being so nice? - It's the end.
I know how to let go.
Wouldn't it be better for both of us if this ended peacefully, - so we could maintain our friendship? - Hand me my robe.
Of course.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Do you mind? Now, about those divorce papers we both signed- You can have your attorney look them over or- How did I know there was gonna be an " or"? Or we can settle this ourselves.
I'll give you a million dollars.
A million dollars? That's the kind of guy I am.
That's sweet.
How about you keep that million dollars and shove it up your butt.
I'll take control of half the Montecito.
Sam, you're making a huge mistake.
You don't know what half means.
When this is over, I think you're gonna look back on this and realize I'm trying to do you a favor.
Hmm.
Well, I appreciate you looking out for me.
Really, I do.
But I don't want you to burden yourself.
It's not your job anymore.
Sam, you really don't understand - No, I really do understand that I didn't sign a prenup.
And I think you should get out of here before I start remembering all the reasons that I hate you.
Okay, Sam.
- Wait.
- Hmm? Leave the champagne.
Let me see the kid in the baseball hat.
What's that in his ear? There.
There's the wireless earpiece.
Did he just wipe his nose? Maybe he had an itch.
Wait a second.
Go down a couple of rows.
He's signaling someone.
Go into that backpack.
That's how they're getting the feed.
Who just won that pot? Why don't they ever learn? Not on my watch, baby.
Quiet on the set, please.
We have the best entertainment.
We pride ourselves - Ed? Say one word, and it's your last.
Would you excuse us, honey, please? Yes.
Excuse me.
They got me doing this stupid commercial.
They want me to be like Steve Wynn.
I didn't know Steve Wynn wore eyeliner.
Well, apparently he does.
What's going on? Please tell me there's something that needs my immediate attention, please.
Yeah.
Well, um, some porn producer had his Bronze Woody stolen.
He had his what? A statue.
Apparently it's worth about 25K.
Somebody wearing a Montecito uniform snuck into his room and stole it.
I'm looking into it.
Anything else? Yeah.
We're looking into the poker tournament.
I hear Casey told you to back off that one, right? Yeah, well, he did.
Yeah, what do ya got? Mike found a battery for a wireless earpiece.
He's checking out the footage for it now.
Wait a minute.
You put Mike on some poker scam.
That's not too healthy, right? Don't worry.
I'm watching him.
Yeah, well- Oh, Edward, are you ready? Wait.
Martin, um, I'm really sorry.
Danny came up with some security emergency, and I'm afraid I gotta run.
Really? You have to work? - I- I just invited Martin to have dinner with us.
- Ah- Well, I guess we could go alone.
Catch up on old times.
Oh, yeah.
You-You could probably handle this by yourself.
Yeah! - Good.
- All right.
Let's get this shot before meal break.
You got it.
All right.
Places.
All right.
Everybody back to work, please.
- What are you doing? - Just a fan, observing.
Right.
Thank you guys so much for helping out.
I haven't even had a chance to breathe.
I can't believe how many fans you have.
Oh, actually, these are from my third grade class.
They're wishing me luck for tomorrow.
That's adorable.
Hey, can you give me any poker tips? I'd love to beat my dad.
I wish I could.
I actually don't know what I'm doing.
I only learned how to play from watching TV.
Well, you got a one in four shot of winning $10 million.
I'd say you're doing a pretty goodjob of faking it.
There's an area I know.
Maybe I'd be a good poker player.
Thank you.
I can't believe what's happening.
I only entered because my grandmother is sick, and she needs to move down to Florida.
It was like buying a lottery ticket.
And it's all been such a fairy tale.
I hate to be a realist, but it's not over yet.
Yeah, better get a good night's sleep.
I'll try.
Thanks.
Oh! There was some strange noises coming from the room next door last night.
I don't know if you guys are aware.
We're aware.
You know what? We've already moved too many people around.
Let's just go over there, and tell them to be quiet.
That'd be great.
Thank you.
Sure.
Sorry.
Good luck.
Thanks.
What? Open up! You two the fluffers? All right.
Get in here.
Oh, my God.
Hey,Jeff.
Hey, Danny.
What's up? How you doing? Maybe you can help me.
Last night, somebody with your I.
D.
badge stole a $25,000 statue from one of our rooms.
All right, I screwed up.
Okay, I totally admit it.
I went to deliver room service to one of these porn suites, and they invited me in.
Look, I'm a relatively square guy, but - I don't care.
What happened? Okay, there were a bunch of women.
Naked.
And-And much hotter than anybody I've ever been with.
And so, I stayed for a few hours.
When I left, I realized someone had stolen my I.
D.
badge and my clothes.
Am I fired? What red-blooded American guy wouldn't have done the same thing in your shoes, right? Right! Right.
See, I knew you'd understand.
What are you, kidding? Of course you're fired.
Please leave your uniform in the locker room this time.
We got her.
Who? The schoolteacher.
She's cheating.
Are you sure? Two Caltech students checked in last week.
Tons of high-tech gear.
Somehow, they're tapping into the cameras and getting her the signal.
All right, let's go.
Tell me you're kidding.
I'm afraid not, Sam.
See, you guys were married in the state of Hawaii.
Hawaii is not a community property state.
So, yes, you're entitled to half, but half of what you had when you were living together in Hawaii.
So, half of a microwave? You could take him to court, but then you'd have to prove that you had something to do with his success after you two were separated.
And it could get really expensive.
See, I knew he laid down way too easily.
He's gonna pay for this.
Well, he did offer you a million bucks.
You might reconsider.
No, no, no.
I don't want his money.
I want him to suffer.
Sounds just like my first marriage.
Good luck.
More champagne,jilly? Oh, I shouldn't.
Nah, she shouldn't.
She hasn't had anything to eat today, and she knows how she gets.
He's right.
Oh, come on, Ed.
Don't be such a stick-in-the-mud.
We're celebrating here.
Uh- I think I'll hold off.
Well, no problem.
More for Edward and I.
Perhaps, what we should order is some ouzo.
Don't even say that word.
I haven't had a drop of that since- Santorini, huh? - Yeah.
- What, uh- What is Santorini? Santorini.
Ah, it's Greece.
She was an 18-year-old model.
And I-Well, I was a young, roguishly handsome struggling photographer.
I think it's safe to say that the island has never been the same since.
Right, darling? Yeah.
Take your hand off her.
What? You touch my wife again, I'll kill you.
How's that for a line reading? We're just gonna ask a few questions.
We have no proof and no connection to the schoolteacher.
Remember.
Hotel security.
Can I help you guys? Don't say it.
Danny, it's not what you think.
I'm sure that's true because I don't know what to think.
What's going on in here, fellas? We're busted.
We might as well tell him.
Fine.
We're students at Caltech.
We're only 19.
We stole some vodka from the mini bar and replaced it with water.
Why don't you explain the wireless earpiece and what you had in your backpack? Okay, uh, where to start? Well, uh, neither one of us really had any idea what to do for our thesis project in clinical psychology.
Do you know how boring it is to listen to Erikson's psychosocial stages of development? Yeah.
Act- Anyway, we thought we'd capitalize on this whole poker boom.
So, we affix this mechanism, called a T31 transmitter, to each player.
That way we can monitor their heart rate during each hand and decide if their heart either goes up or down when they're either bluffing or actually have a hand.
- Then what? - Then we put our notes together, publish a book and make a buttload of coin.
I'm confused.
When do you signal toJulie what she should do? How can we do that? We don't know what her cards are.
We have to watch it on TVlike everyone else, then we compare our data.
We have all the players miked.
Incidentally, Howard Lederer's heart rate never changes.
It's like he's dead.
- Ask the other players if you want.
- Did you think I was cheating? Okay.
Yeah.
What the hell is that? Will you keep your voice down? I don't care if everyone knows what a sleazebag you are.
Sam, I don't make the laws.
Don't- Don't- Don't touch me.
Look, you can take me to court if you want to.
It'll just cost your life savings.
You won't end up getting a penny.
This isn't about money.
Is it about something else? Yeah, it's about trust.
Trust? Since when is that word part of your vocabulary? You wanted half, you get half.
You can have the Pioneer home stereo.
I want the beanbag chair.
It has sentimental value.
Aw, so you knew about the laws, and you intentionally deceived me.
Remember, you left me.
Okay? So I guess we're even.
Not yet.
Yes? Hi.
I'm Danny McCoy with the Montecito.
Have him come in.
Ron Jeremy.
Nice to meet you.
- Danny McCoy.
- So, what can we do for you? Or to you? Uh- Uh-Yeah- Um- I was wondering if- if you remember anything about a, uh- a hotel valet getting his clothes stolen the other night? Yes, I remember.
I lent him a sweat suit.
Why? Well, someone wearing a valet uniform stole a Bronze Woody from one of our guests' rooms.
It's supposed to be worth about $25,000.
- Whoever took it is not interested in the money.
- Then why would they take it? - The honor of the award.
- Ah.
It is the single greatest accomplishment anyone can get in our industry.
You ought to start looking for whoever felt slighted by losing.
- Like? - Honey, who was nominated last year? Lawrence of a Labia won.
I remember the producers of Dodge Balls storming out of the room.
That's it.
That's where you should start your search.
Right there.
With the producers of- of Dodge Balls? Thank you.
Okay.
What do you think? Hey, if you wanna stick around, the 10:00 orgy gets started soon.
No, thank you.
I just ate.
Hey, Howard.
You got a sec? Mike Cannon.
Hey.
I saw you watching earlier today.
Want a seat? Um,just a fan.
Listen.
Were you wearing one of those heart monitors in the game? Yeah.
Some college kid asked me to.
Why? I don't know.
It's just- Did you think there was anything suspicious about the game today? What you mean? Anything out of the ordinary? Nah.
I'm not sure I saw anything.
Come on, Howard.
It's me.
I'm just asking your professional opinion.
Did you notice anything unusual? Other than a schoolteacher reading me better than any pro alive? Hey, maybe she's psychic.
That's what I thought.
You sure you don't want a seat? Stake you 10 grand.
I am gonna pull this show right now and take it over to the Mirage.
! We paid a fortune for this.
You know how much free publicity you're getting? You wanna calm down, Lance? You wanted to see me? You were told to leave this thing alone.
I have got a hysterical schoolteacher who needs to be on TV tomorrow.
She was hardly hysterical.
There's rumors all over town this tournament is fixed.
- I want someone's ass.
- That's not the way things work around here.
That's not the way it works? Well, maybe I should go talk to Casey.
I don't much care who the hell you talk to.
I run the Montecito.
He runs my security, and ifhe thinks there's a problem, he's gonna look into it.
Uh-huh.
Well, is there a problem? You have any evidence? Nothing definitive that we've found yet.
No.
Well, that's what I thought.
All right.
You want this thing to stay here, this is how it's gonna work.
I don't want your security staff within 50 feet of my players- Lance.
Lance.
Lance.
I really don't care what you want or what you don't want.
So here is how it's gonna work.
Now, if you want to take your tournament over to the Mirage, good luck.
If you want to keep it here, however, you're gonna allow all my boys access to everything, including your TV trucks.
The TV trucks? Why? Well, it is your show, but you see, it's our 10 million out there.
And we want to make sure whoever wins it, wins it honestly.
So what if someone's cheating? If it's the schoolteacher, God love her.
I hope she wins.
You know why? Because it's good TV.
And that's what I care about.
Good TV.
It's not my job to know how she's winning.
You are correct, Lance.
That is our job.
Aces full.
Sorry, boys.
What's up, Mike? Go right inside there.
There you are.
Ed, may I have a word? I'm busy.
No, please.
Just a moment.
I just want to tell you, man-to-man, thatJillian was the greatest woman I've ever been with.
Look, try to understand.
That is my wife you're talking about.
She's also the only woman.
I don't quite understand.
Well, let's just say the only Deline that floats my boat has very wide shoulders and a hairy chest.
You're gay? Quite.
And actually I'm flattered that you saw me as a rival.
Well, I mean, you are a reasonably charismatic kind of guy.
Ooh? Go on.
No, I'm done.
Oh.
But not with the commercial.
So, please, come on.
We have work to do.
I don't know, Martin.
Am I any good? Of course.
Why? Well, you know, I just don't want to look stupid.
You know, it's silly.
I promise you, I would never let that happen.
So, come on.
Ed, I need to talk to you.
Honey, I, uh - I need to talk to you right now.
I don't know what you think has been going on for the last 30 years, but for you to suggest that I would even consider another man is asinine.
Honey, listen- Do not interrupt me.
I love you more than anything in this entire world, and for you to even question that just makes me- Just makes me irate.
Are you finished? I suppose.
Good.
Well, uh, I love you too, but, you see - But? But? But? Why is there a but? But you're in the shot.
Darling, can you give us a moment? We're practically done.
Last shot.
Um, I'm- I'm sorry.
Okay.
I'm sorry, honey.
I love you.
I love you too.
Take it from the top.
Righto.
Uh, this is on the house.
Les Marinoff? Yeah.
Uh, Danny McCoy with Montecito security.
You got a moment? What? Uh- A Bronze Woody was stolen from, uh, Rod Russell's room.
Russell the Love Muscle? Yeah.
He probably hocked it for the insurance money.
Why would he do that? He's finished.
Washed up and everyone knows it.
I was wondering if you- This is Manuel, my assistant.
Manny, did you get the lotion? Good boy.
Oh, this is, uh, Danny McCoy, hotel security.
I hate it when they do that.
Hey! You, with me.
Come on.
Hey,you, buddy.
Put your shorts back on.
Do I have to? Well, here we are at the final day of the Montecito's $10 million, winner-take-all event.
And Howard Lederer wastes no time in putting on the pressure with his first bet.
And Tex Reed quickly folds.
What happened to that Woody thing? It turns out some assistant stole it as a Christmas present for his boss.
It's down to our schoolteacher, Julie Zelman- Is that a signal? Seems a lot more relaxed today.
- Rechecks her cards.
I don't know if you're aware of this, Bob, but- - Doughnut? - Aw.
I'm good.
She really hasn't shown any bluffs like we saw yesterday.
I'll tell you what.
She's changing gears here.
Oh, she's really thinking about it.
This is a tough decision for her.
She opts to fold.
Howard Lederer wins the first pot.
I'll tell you what.
It's gonna be tough for any of these players to take down this top pro.
Strap yourselves in.
We're down to heads-up play.
It's just the professor and the schoolteacher left.
And one of them is walking away from here with $ 10 million.
And the schoolteacher comes out swinging with a $200,000 bet.
Let's see what Howard's gonna do.
- I'm all in.
- Oh.
! Howard Lederer is coming over the top, all in.
This could be the hand of the tournament.
This is some gutsy play on both their parts.
Let's see what the schoolteacher decides to do.
This could mean the entire tournament to her.
She should really take her time.
She's rechecking her cards.
- Gotta wonder.
Is she considering a call or- - So how's Spencer? Who? Your seven-year-old nephew, Spencer.
Where does he go to school? I don't know.
It says here he goes to Edgewood Elementary School.
Wait a second.
Isn't that whereJulie teaches? That's a weird coincidence.
Aah- Continue.
You push that button when you want to signal her.
What? That's crazy.
I'll bet if I look back at the footage I'll see something, maybe a light somewhere that lights up every time you want her to fold.
- Come on.
That's-That's- - Crazy.
I know.
You said that.
Rechecking her cards again.
This is by far the tensest moment of any tournament I think I've ever witnessed.
I can't imagine what Julie Zelman is thinking right now.
I'm not sure what she's hoping to find from Howard, but he's not giving her anything.
- I call.
She is calling.
! This is it.
They're turning their cards over.
Howard shows a full house.
And the schoolteacher with just four cards to a fjush? This is practically over.
In fact, the only card in the deck that can help her now is the seven of diamonds.
That would give her a straight flush.
And here comes the river.
I don't believe it.
! Oh, my, she's done it.
! The miracle card.
Incredible.
Just incredible.
You have to realize that was a 44 to 1 shot.
- What happened? - You won.
$ 10 million richer.
This is unbelievable.
One for the records.
That's a lucky card.
Yeah.
This is the end of one spectacular event here at the Montecito.
Thank you.
Hey.
Hey.
So you gonna be living in the owner's suite now? No.
No.
It's appreciated at 10 times its value.
I'm gonna start a bidding war and sell it.
You know me, Sam.
I'm a businessman.
That's what I hear.
I'm headed to Spain right now.
You want to ride with me in the car? No, thanks.
I can't.
I have a big whale coming in.
I have to get back to work.
The new owner is kind of an ass.
Don't you want to talk about anything? Like? It's over.
Sam, I'm leaving.
I want the beanbag chair.
I told you it has sentimental value.
You want this to get ugly? Uglier? See ya, Sam.
Acapulco.
- What did you say? - Oh, I was just saying, um- Acapulco.
It's a city in Mexico.
We went there together.
You wouldn't.
Remember you had all that tequila.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're not - Oh, you don't want to talk about Acapulco? No one is allowed to know about Acapulco.
Of course not.
You swore.
Yes, I did.
I did swear.
You know, I also swore till death do us part.
Look how that went.
What do you want? Beanbag chair.
Okay, fine.
You got it.
See ya, ex-wife.
See ya, ex-hubby.
Hey, Casey.
I never would have said anything about Acapulco.
I know.
Why did you want to meet here? I just wanted to get away from the casino.
Okay.
Well, what do you want? Uh, how 'bout $5 million? My cut? Your cut? You gave me no signal.
I couldn't give you the signal.
The security guy was in the truck the whole time.
So? Then I won it today on my own.
You don't get a full cut.
We had a deal.
Too bad.
It's a good thing I made another one.
What are you talking about? He only gets one year for unlawful fraudulent acts.
Whereas you will probably get the full six.
Say hello to the Nevada Gaming Commission.
You have the right to remain silent.
If you give up the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court oflaw.
- You have the right- - I guess you were right.
I have good poker instincts.
I guess so.
Speaking of which, about what you saw last night - What did I see last night? Thanks.
It's Vegas.
Everybody slips up once in a while.
Yep.
That's your type of booty right there.
Welcome to the Montecito.
A place to unwind.
A place to let go.
Where are you, honey? Casey said they had to make some changes.
Looking to get the, um, younger demographics or something.
I wasn't that good in this scene anyway.
Oh.
Oh.
Here it is.
I have a surprise, Daddy.
In a minute, honey.
Just watch this for a second.
Hi, I'm Delinda, and I'd like to invite you to the hottest spot in Vegas- the all-new Montecito.
Well, you were great, sweetie.
Thanks.
- Nice work, Ed.
- Nice job, Ed.
You were absolutely wonderful, honey.
I was better than her.
Ow.