Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s03e11 Episode Script

- Hi, - Hey! - I'm looking for Florence.
- Man, Florence - She's gone.
- Really? I'm sorry.
No.
It's all right, she's in a better place now.
Took a job at the Odayna Gazette.
- You must be the new editor-in-chief.
- And reporter, and photographer.
Plus I'm in charge of the jumble.
- Nate shore.
- Hi, I'm Amaar, the imam from the mosque? Walk and talk with me, Amaar the imam from the mosque.
- What can I do for you? - I'm here to drum up some press.
Can you hold this for me? - Sure.
- Thanks, man.
The mosque has joined forces with Mercy Meals.
We're going to deliver food to the elderly and needy who can't leave home.
A little to the left.
Yeah, I guess you could say it's a little left, but you don't have to be socialist to care.
No man, that thing you're holding, can you move it a little to the left? - Uh yeah.
- All right, up on your tippy toes now.
Up, up, up.
Okay, good.
Anyway, I was hoping Mercy Chronicle would cover it.
You know, get the word out, alert the community.
That's good, let's do it.
- Really? You want to come right now? - Not right now.
I got stuff to do.
Okay.
It's good! Okay, let's do this.
Season 3 Episode 11 True Bromance - Congratulations, brother Yasir.
- Thank you, Fatima.
Thank you.
I might have won this award, but it is for the small business man of the year.
There is no way a woman can win.
Well, that's why we created small business woman of the year award.
How nice for her.
What a bloody waste of taxpayers' money.
Oh! Salmon puffs! - Honey, this is so exciting.
- Do you have your speech ready? Why do I need a speech when I can just look out to the crowd and remember the only two reasons why I'm here? You're going to forget.
He's going to forget Oh, let's get this over with! Isn't he great? You are great! C'mon.
- So what's your story? - It's pretty simple, really.
I was a lawyer in Toronto but I realized I could do more good following a different path.
- What about you? - Same exact thing! Except instead of being a lawyer, I got fired from a bunch of different jobs, and instead of finding God, I went to journalism school.
- Well, the press is a noble profession.
- Absolutely.
Righting wrongs, exposing corruption.
Plus the hours are wicked flexible, and I like to sleep in.
So What's the game plan here? Well, we are going to deliver each of these coolers to a person in need.
Let's see, what do we got? Meatloaf! Peas! God! No wonder these people are hungry! Stop that.
That's for the needy.
What these people 'need-y' is some good food.
- See what I did there? - Very clever.
Idea! I know this place off the highway that makes the best wings.
- Okay - We should stop there and get some ridiculously good wings for the Mercy Meals people.
Picture that Ohh, chicken wings! Awesome! Mmm, and I thought it was going to be something crappy, like meatloaf and peas.
Fine! We will go to the wing place.
But just for a second.
Don't do it for me, do it for the needy and the hungry.
Which also happens to be me at this moment.
- Would just get in the van, please? - All right! I'm Yasir Hamoudi - Small businessman of the year.
- Yeah, I know.
I read the sign.
- Oh that old thing.
- You are? It's okay, you don't have to pretend to learn my name.
I don't pretend, I do.
That's what sets us small businessmen of the year apart.
So let's have it.
Why? So we can make this awkward - You're certainly making it more awkward.
- Sorry.
It's been a long day.
It's Susan.
Susan! I'll remember Susan.
Black-eyed Susan.
Lazy Susan.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
And now, the small businessman with a great big heart Sheesh, do I have to say that? Yasir Hamoudi! - I don't know, Nate.
- Trust me.
It'll be fine.
- Have I ever steered you wrong before? - Nate, I've only known you an hour.
- But yes! It's a bar.
- Amaar, Amaar, Amaar.
This isn't a bar.
This is a restaurant-bar.
And the difference is? I don't know.
There's gotta be one, right? Hence the sign.
Look, I don't drink.
It's against my beliefs.
- Your beliefs, or your religion? - Aren't they the same thing? - I don't know, are they? - Stop that.
- You got a lot of rules, rule guy.
- They're not rules, they're my beliefs, which I choose to follow.
All I'm hearing is, "I choose this", "my beliefs that".
What about the people who don't have a choice? The Mercy Meals people who will go sadly wingless because we can't go in shooters? Okay, fine! We will get the wings from the restaurant.
Then we'll leave.
- Great, you took me to a theme bar.
- Only if the theme is hot ladies! - I think it is, yes.
- It's a good theme.
A pound of five-alarm and six pounds of kiss of death.
Great.
Let's go.
We'll have the rest of your order out in a flash, Nate.
Rest of your order? Thanks, Cassandra.
Hey, I meant to ask last time.
Is that Cassandra with a 'C' or Cassandra with a 'K'? - "C".
- Well, let's make sure we "c" each other again.
- See what I did there? - As always yes.
Let's go.
- We hear it's someone's birthday! - Whose birthday? No birthday here.
Guesssss what?! There's a party over here! This guy's older by a year Hope you have an awesome day! Booze and ribs on us, okay?! And with at least 25 small businesses in Mercy, I can't believe that you chose me as recipient, in this, the 25th year of the award, thank you.
Do you know what the "businesswoman of the year" does? - Gives haircuts to dogs.
- Yes, yes, you already told me.
Dogs! I'd like to point out the two reasons why I'm here today and they thought I would forget, but I'm not.
I'm not going to forget.
I'd like to thank my daughter, Rayyan, for keeping me grounded.
And who could ever forget my lovely Susan.
Without her, this would not be possible.
Thank you very much, Mercy, thank you! Well, I was wrong.
You're not a self-important blow-hard like I thought you were.
- Thank you - Thank you.
It means a lot to me.
What exactly are we talking about? - You thanked your "lovely, lovely Susan".
- Susan? Who the hell is Susan? Oh no! I can't believe you told them it was my birthday! How else were we supposed to get free cake? I dunno, pay for it? Yeah, see, that's like free, but it's more expensive.
- What do we need free cake for anyway? - For the needy.
Can you stop thinking about yourself for one second? - But you're eating it.
- Like I'm going to give them untested cake.
- You guys wanna dance? - No, I can't dance.
Sure you can, it's just a self- confidence thing.
Dancing is another one of those Muslim no-no-no-no - I thought you said it was a choice.
- Right now it's a rule! - Okay.
No problem.
- I totally respect your thing, - and I'm not just saying that.
- Thank you, Nate.
But is it cool if I dance with her? I'm trying to make new friends.
- Fine.
But after that, we go.
- Totally.
Can I borrow a quarter? Hello.
I know what you're thinking.
What is a Muslim doing here? I've been wondering the same thing.
Babes, booze, birthdays.
- I mean, the only thing I haven't done is - Booyah! Haaaa! Gamble.
Amaar, we hit the jackpot with your lucky quarter! Whoooo! Boo yah.
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah That's just great, Yasir.
- Dad, you've really done it this time! - I am so sorry, But when you hear what happened, you're going to laugh.
You're going to laugh.
- You must be the lovely Susan! - Actually, it's Sarah.
- I thought it was Sarah.
- It is.
But then I thought, how could her husband possibly screw up the name of the most important person in his life? - How indeed? - Could you excuse us just a second? Darling.
Funny story.
I was just about to go on stage, - and, hahaha, I met this woman named Susan.
And that's why you forgot the name of your wife?! She was giving me the wrap-it-up signal, and it just sort of slipped in there.
- Isn't that a funny story? - No, Yasir, it's not.
A funny story is, a guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks, why the long face also, the guy's a horse.
It was an innocent mistake.
Susan is a very common name.
Black-eyed Susan.
Lazy Susan.
- That Susan I was engaged to - - Engaged to?! Oh! - Can you believe our luck?! - Starting to.
- Why so down? - It was your lucky quarter that won us the jackpot.
Hey, whoa.
No.
That was not my quarter.
As soon as I gave it to you it legally became yours.
It shoulda been mine.
I've been playing that machine all day.
Yes, well we should really get going.
We have all those perishables in the van Totally.
Look, Amaar, I know this isn't what you had in mind.
Thanks for being cool with everything.
Don't mention it.
Ever.
Please.
Jerk! - Whoa.
Did that guy just call you a jerk? - No, I think he just called you a jerk.
- No, he just called you a jerk.
That's racism! - I don't think it is.
Hey! I said 'Hey!' Look.
Amaar's my friend, I'm not going to let you drop the j-bomb on him.
You got a problem with that? Guys.
I have mediated a few conflicts in my day, and I can assure you there's no problem here.
Oh, I got a problem all right.
A six-foot-tall problem with a tragic bandanna fixation.
- Now, say you're sorry.
- You're in for a world of hurt.
Really? You're going with 'world of hurt?' - See what I did there? - Yes! For future reference, I will always see what you did there.
- Nate, this is not the way to settle things! - Not the Muslim way? No.
That and he's huge.
Don't worry.
Sure he looks tough, but he's all talk.
Trust me.
Chicken wing? Bar brawl! It's okay, everyone.
I can't help but feel partly responsible.
I'd call someone about bail, but I don't know anyone.
I'd call someone too but I don't want anyone to know.
This is the worst night of my life.
Hey, there's always someone having a worse night.
- What, no pillows? - The couch has pillows.
- Couch pillows? - They're all nubby.
You're mad at me, aren't you? I'm not mad at you.
Why would I be mad at you? I don't know the bar brawl? Night in jail? Impounded Mercy Meals van that doesn't even belong to you? Okay, Nate.
I am mad at you! Let me explain something to you.
This whole imam thing, it's more than a job like a butcher, or a baker, or a - Rodeo clown? - Sure.
It's a commitment.
I'm a spiritual leader, and I have to set a good example.
I know, Amaar, I know.
I am so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
I'm always doing stuff like this.
Your instincts are right.
You should just forget about me - and go be the best rodeo clown - Imam! Imam you can be.
Nate, it's fine.
I forgive you.
Wow.
Thanks, I like that.
Man, I'm parched.
Wanna go somewhere, grab a hair of the dog? You're right.
Too early in the day? I knew you dated a Susan, but engaged to a Susan? Why didn't you tell me? Because I was waiting for the right time to do so.
Yasir.
We've known each other for almost 30 years! Yes, but I couldn't tell you in first year, could I? Why? Because you would have thought I was pushing you away.
- And the second year? - That second year was the year we got married.
I couldn't tell you the year we got married.
- What about the third year? - Third year is an odd numbered, that's plain bad luck.
Besides, what does it matter if I was engaged to Susan? I married you.
- Why did you break it off? - Because with Susan everything was always so complicated.
- You should've seen our engagement.
- What happened? - It was awful.
The pomp.
- Pomp? What kind of pomp? Our engagement didn't have pomp.
Because with Susan, I had to mask the fact that it wasn't working with romantic tactics.
- Romantic tactics? - Yeah.
The roses, violinists and ponies.
- Susan got ponies?! - They were miniature ponies! You can barely ride them.
- Duncan.
- I guess you got that press you were looking for.
- Nate published the story! - He sure did.
Front page.
Wow! Think of the publicity for the mosque.
- Oh, I am.
- I only wish we could afford to do it every day.
Really? Is that a good idea? Yeah lot of needy people out there.
- What are you talking about? - Mercy Meals.
- What are you talking about? - Jail.
"Local imam cleared of all charges"?! Thanks, Nate.
Thanks a lot.
Hey.
No need to thank me, man.
I told you I'd make it up to you.
- How did you get this out so fast? - Printed a late edition.
Everything was ready to go except the front page and the jumble, - and you helped with both.
- How did I help with the jumble? The solution was "local imam cleared of all charges.
" I can't believe you told everyone I was in jail! - Hello? "Cleared of all charges"! - Yes, but you told them I was charged! If you hadn't published the story in the first place, no one would have even found out.
You think they'll dwell on it? I'll print a retraction.
No! Don't print anything! Don't do anything! Just let me handle this, 'kay? What? It's a great mug shot! Brother Amaar.
May I remind you that you are the Spiritual leader of this community.
I know.
This is all just a comical misunderstanding.
I shall be the judge of what is comical.
- Who is this Nate? - He's just a friend.
What do you need friends for? The mosque is your friend! - You don't understand.
- I understand.
I've had friends, very many friends.
Some of his best friends are friends.
Guys, if all we do is spend time with other Muslims, we miss the point of Islam.
- Rayyan will understand.
- What the heck did you get up to last night? - It is all there in the story.
- I guess my question is how?! I made a new friend, things got a little out of hand.
But as I was just telling Baber and Fatima, it's important to - Ditch this new friend? - I was going to say reach out.
Amaar, no offence.
- But this guy sounds like a train wreck.
- He's not.
Okay, he is.
But he's one of those fun guys, you know? It's always fun to hang out with the fun guy.
As long as there's no real harm done.
Amaar! Amaar! I need to borrow some rope, some fireworks and a spatula.
- Fireworks? - Never mind, I'll catch you later.
Oh my - - what is all this? - I never want you to feel like you're second best.
Rose petals and ponies! Yasir, that's incredible.
It's romance! And it's only for you, darling.
And the good news is these ponies very cute.
twice as cute as the ones I got Susan.
Susan? You're just re-using the romance you created for Susan! No, no, no re-using.
It's a re-imagining.
- I'm getting second-hand pomp.
- But these are firsthand ponies! Susan, darling I have some ponies to return.
I don't know how to say this but this isn't working.
I feel like I need a little more space in my life right now.
We're very different.
You deserve better.
Ah, classic break-up mistakes.
Pick one idea and stick with it.
- Okay, let's go with the "space" thing.
- Space?! Space? Space is just a stopover on the road to "Splitsville".
- Rayyan, what are you doing? - You wanted me to be Nate.
Too much? Maybe I should just avoid his phone calls? That's what us guys usually do.
- And what if you run into him in the street? - More avoiding.
No, he deserves the truth, Amaar.
Be up front.
Be forthright.
You're right.
Are you sure I can't just send him an e-mail? No.
- March 1976.
- What? I ended my engagement with Susan in march of 1976.
- Why? What happened? - You.
- Yasir.
That's impossible.
We only met in August.
- But I saw you in March.
Is that true? I was having an awful time in London.
I walked into the hotel, ready for my shift, and there you were standing behind the front desk.
I hated that job.
I couldn't help myself.
I kept on wandering by and smiling at you like a maniac.
I thought maybe you couldn't speak English.
- Do you remember the first thing you said to me? - Please stop staring? "Room 304 is ready to be cleaned.
" There was something about you.
It was so kind and warm.
Your smile lit up that lobby.
- What about Susan? - I knew my life with Susan would have been okay.
But with you it was my first glimpse into something extraordinary.
Yasir.
That's crazy.
What if it hadn't worked out with us? My only regret would have been not taking a chance with you, when every instinct was telling me I should.
- Do you still feel the same way after 28 years? - Even more so.
And it's been 29.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Can we talk - We need to talk - You first.
- Maybe this isn't working out Okay, whoa.
No, no.
Me first.
I got something that will make this all better.
The Mercy Meals van! How'd you get it back? - I got my ways.
- I'm dying to hear them.
- I paid the fine.
- Thanks, I appreciate it.
Okay, so the Mercy Meals thing didn't turn out the way you wanted, but you had fun, right? Well, that depends.
- Did you learn your lesson? - I don't follow.
- The lying, the conniving, the manipulation? - Says you.
- We ended up in jail! - Okay, what's with 'the lessons'? Why does everything have to have a 'lesson'? Amaar, I understand why these people look up to you.
You're their rock, the man.
I get that.
But haven't you ever just had a friend, you know, a buddy? Someone you didn't have to spiritually advise? No, not in recent memory.
Well, do you want one? You know what? Yeah, I think I do.
Very well.
Then maybe we can work this out.
I'll try and behave, if you try not to imam me.
Agreed.
- Just give me the keys, please.
- Yep.
It was too bad the Mercy Meals food will have to be thrown out.
Oh, I almost forgot! I did you a solid.
Delivered it to all the people we missed.
The food that was in the van for two days? You delivered that? Best part? It stayed hot 'cause of the sun! - I'll start calling people.
- Get in the van, please!