Mork and Mindy (1978) s03e11 Episode Script
Mindy Gets Her Job
Oh, now, don't worry, honey.
You'II get a job soon.
I hope so.
WeII, Mindy, you know, if it wasn't for something my father toId me, I never wouId have gotten my first job.
- What did he say? - Get out of the house, you bum.
And if you're reaI good, I'II take you to see Popeye again.
I wonder how I got those big arms.
- Oh, Mind.
Mind.
- Hi.
Hi, kids.
Oh, I have wonderfuI news for you, Mind.
Bon appetit, Stephanie.
They're the munchkins.
I toId them you were Iooking for a job, because you were tired of seeing me fretting going: WiII she get the job or wiII she end up as the Bag Lady of BouIder, fighting aIIey cats for fish heads? LoIa, teII her the good news.
Lay it on her.
My uncIe manages KTNS, the TV station.
And I think there's a job avaiIabIe in the newsroom.
Oh, thanks, anyway, LoIa, but I've aIready been over to KTNS two or three times, and there's nothing avaiIabIe.
You're spinning your wheeIs.
Get a job at the House of Pies.
I eat there a Iot.
Stephanie eats everywhere a Iot.
LoIa's uncIe said there'd be a job opening today, Mind.
ReaIIy? WeII, maybe I do stand a chance.
I don't see why not.
You're attractive to men, yet no threat to women.
You know, when she taIks, E.
F.
Hutton Iistens.
Here's my uncIe's card.
And, oh, by the way, take one of mine.
Thank you.
Come on, Stephanie.
I've gotta get home.
CarI Sagan's on Cavett.
You might have a better chance of getting a job if you weren't so skinny.
Are you gonna caII the station? WeII, you bet.
Oh, boy, isn't it wonderfuI, Pops? I mean, today, IittIe Mindy McConneII for the IocaI TV station.
Tomorrow, Fred SiIverwoman.
- Oh, Mind.
- HeIIo, KTNS? Yes, I understand you have a job opening.
Oh, my name is Mindy McConneII, and I'd be very interested in coming down for an interview.
Oh, yeah, I can do that.
Oh, sure, I can do that.
WeII, I can try to do that.
Okay, fine, tomorrow at 4.
Very good.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
What did he say, Mind? AII I couId hear was: WeII, they said every now and then, I'd have to be on camera.
I mean, I've never been on camera before.
Oh, come on, Mind.
I saw those home movies when you were 2.
You're a naturaI.
Remember this one? Thank you, miss, but we're Iooking for someone with more experience.
Boy, this weather.
I just about missed my chance.
- My interview's at 4:00.
- Oh, mine's at 4:20.
I'm earIy.
Yeah.
- You know, you Iook-- No.
- You know, you Iook-- No.
- It sure is crowded in here, huh? - It sure is.
My name's Mindy McConneII.
Mine's Mandy McDonaId.
- What a coincidence.
- Isn't it, though? - I bet you're a journaIism major too.
- Yeah, how'd you know? Most of these girIs here are.
Do you aII traveI as a group? No, I bump into a Iot of them at these interviews.
You know, there are onIy so many jobs.
Oh, you're teIIing me.
It isn't as rosy as they Iead you to beIieve in coIIege.
CoIorado State? AImost.
University of CoIorado.
I graduated with honours.
Me too.
Good.
You don't happen to Iive with a guy named Mork, do you? Not anymore.
You know a Mork? Oh, I thought you said Mark.
That's my oId boyfriend.
Mark and Mandy.
Cute.
You know, it's amazing.
You think you're so speciaI when you graduate, then you get out in the worId, and you find you're just another perky face.
I don't beIieve this.
Next, McConneII, Mindy.
I'm McConneII-- Mindy.
I mean, Mindy McConneII.
MiIes Sternhagen.
I'm station manager of KTNS.
It's nice weather, isn't it? No, it's snowing.
Right.
Miss McConneII, what are your quaIifications? Oh, my quaIifications.
WeII, I graduated with honours from the University of CoIorado, and I served three years on the schooI newspaper, and I was associate editor of the yearbook.
Miss McConneII, have you ever had any experience in the fieId? No, but I reaIIy feeI that-- WeII, thank you very much, but I'm Iooking for someone who has.
Thank you.
Excuse me, Mr.
Sternhagen, but there's something I'd Iike to say.
Yes? I know you've probabIy met a Iot of peopIe Iike me.
WeII, I'd Iike you to know that I've certainIy met a Iot of peopIe Iike you too.
You aII cIaim that you wanna hire someone with experience, and yet you'II never give any of us the chance to get any.
I mean, you probabIy wouIdn't send a man to the moon, because he hadn't been there before.
WeII, I may not be experienced, but I'm inteIIigent, and capabIe, and hard-working, and I do a darn good job.
No, I do a damn good job.
Miss McConneII, you beIieve in speaking your mind.
- Yes.
- That's why I fired the Iast girI.
Maybe I ought to take a chance on you if you're wiIIing to work for 200 a week.
- I'd do it for haIf that.
- Oh, no, that wouIdn't be fair.
Let's make it 1 1 0.
I can't beIieve it.
You mean, you're hiring me? - I don't even know what the job is.
- WeII, it's not aII that thriIIing.
This is a smaII station.
Not Iike when I was at the network.
Then, when I turned down Cronkite and Rather, weII, it mattered.
That's why I'm here in Denver's appendix.
But then, that's oId business.
As far as the job goes, Miss McConneII, you'II do any number of triviaI odds and ends, and fiII in on camera for whoever's not here.
WeII, don't you wanna audition me or anything? You seem to have a Iot of faith in yourseIf.
We'II try you out on the air.
Tonight on the Iate news, you'II do the weather report.
Dewey Fishbeck is out with the croup.
Gee, tonight.
That just seems so soon.
I mean, I've never reaIIy done too much of that kind of thing.
WeII, that's aII right.
If you're no good, I'II fire you.
Power is dizzying.
WeII I promise you you won't be sorry, Mr.
Stainhergen.
That's Sternhagen, and I'm aIready sorry.
No.
Doesn't Mork wanna ceIebrate with us? Oh, Mork doesn't drink champagne.
He feeIs it just perpetuates crueIty to grapes.
Oh, he's such a IittIe snuggIe puss.
I wish I couId buy one somewhere.
- I just Iove your choice of champagne.
- Oh, me too.
It's much better than the champagne Remo gets for the restaurant.
That stuff comes in cans.
WeII, I'd better be going before the snow gets worse.
Now, Cathy and I'II be watching you tonight, honey, and I just can't wait to see how you're gonna sIip, ''Hi, Dad'' into a weather report.
Oh, that man is such a sociaI Iubricant.
So teII me, Mindy, what are you gonna wear on the air tonight? Wear? Oh, I don't know, just my reguIar Mindy cIothes.
Jeanie, dear, it doesn't matter what she wears.
It's what she projects.
Now, Mindy, you're going to be on at 1 0:00 at night, right? WeII, if I were you, I'd cater to the mood of the Iate-night aduIt audience.
- How? - WeII HeIIo, BouIder.
WeIcome to the Joy of Weather by M.
We'II get to the weather Iater, but first, I dance for you.
I wouIdn't taIk Iike that on my honeymoon.
I don't know, I think maybe you shouId just be yourseIf, you know, Iike: ''Hi, I'm Mindy.
Isn't the weather great? There's a reaI cute bIizzard out there, and don't you just wanna write a thank-you note to Jack Frost?'' You know, something Iike that, maybe.
Thanks.
Oh, wouId you Iook at that snow? Oh, we'd better go, Jeanie.
Oh, I am so gIad I bought those Gucci snow tires.
WeII, thanks for coming over, you guys.
Mindy, they don't reaIIy make Gucci snow tires, do they? I hope not.
- Bye-bye, good Iuck.
- Bye.
- Thanks.
- We'II be watching you.
HeIIo, BouIder.
WeIcome to the Joy of Weather by Oh, God.
Are you Mindy McConneII? Yes, I am.
And this is my friend, Mork.
- HeIIo.
- I'm Jake Loomis, the cameraman.
I'm surprised you got through.
Nobody eIse did.
The whoIe town's snowed in.
WeII, I have a four-wheeI-drive Jeep.
What do you mean, nobody's here? Just me and the engineer.
Yep, I've been here aII night.
Show business is my Iife.
- Who's--? Who's gonna do the news? - Search me.
HoId on, Mind.
HoId on a second.
He's cIean, Mind.
I thought aII the fIakes were outside.
Whoever showed up is supposed to caII Sternhagen here at this number right away.
The phone is behind the desk there.
Better hurry up.
The movie's aImost over.
Oh, Iook, it's my favourite, Mind.
Benji Shaves His Legs.
HeIIo, Mr.
Sternhagen? Yes, this is Mindy McConneII.
Oh, I guess I'm the onIy one that made it through the snow.
WeII So I guess we're not doing the news tonight? Oh, no, no, I don't think-- No, no, no, I couIdn't possibIy-- I see.
Okay, I'II try.
Bye.
You handIed that weII, Mind.
Mork, he said that there's a haIf an hour untiI the station signs off.
He doesn't wanna Iose his sponsors, and he said he wants me to fiII the whoIe haIf hour aII by myseIf.
- What am I gonna do? - I don't know.
I have to-- You're on in 1 5 seconds.
Here's the news and weather.
There's the camera.
Don't bIow it.
- Thanks, no pressure.
- WiII you hoId this for a second? - Five, four, three - We've got news.
We've got-- - Mork, give me those quickIy.
- Oh, here, Mind, catch.
You're on.
Good evening.
I'm Mindy McConneII.
And tonight, I'II be bringing you the news from aII over.
A news report has just been handed to me.
Thank you.
''Expected to be over by December.
'' And that's the news for tonight.
Another news buIIetin has just been handed to me.
''Thousands fIee in terror as'' ''The pope bIesses visitors to the Vatican.
'' And that's the news.
Mork, heIp me.
- What'd you say, Mind? - HeIp me.
Mork the Video Junkie to the rescue.
HeIIo, good evening.
Thank you very much, Mindy McConneII.
Thank you.
Thanks for dropping in tonight.
Yes, heIIo.
We have the news from BouIder, CoIorado, as we Iike to caII it, the Mindy City.
And now for the news with WaIter Morkite.
HeIIo, I'm WaIter Morkite with Dan Mork in London, Morkey Rather in Paris, and MichaeI Mork in women's cIothes.
News fIash from New York today.
Chase Manhattan Bank was robbed.
Here's a description as foIIows: ''Four stories high, Iots of bricks and pIenty of gIass.
'' Moving right aIong to Washington, D.
C.
''Today, President RonaId Reagan repIied to a group of heckIers by saying: 'What wouId this country be without this great Iand of ours?' He aIso stunned America in his acceptance of the presidency by going: 'My feIIow Americans-- Line.
''' Moving right aIong, we go to Moscow.
But first we have-- Yes, we have the update.
We're gonna have the update from San SaIvador.
There's some physicaI unrest up there, a IittIe vioIence.
We have the actuaI footage of a riot taking pIace in San SaIvador.
Take it away.
We don't have the footage, so this is what it wouId Iook Iike.
Moving right aIong, aIso from Soviet Union.
''Shot-putter OIga Svets finaIIy agreed to taIk to the press and deny the aIIegations that she has been taking steroids aII these years.
She repIied by mereIy saying: She aIso said that her 80-inch bust was mereIy hereditary.
'' Thank you, OIga.
And in the fieId of sports medicine, another incredibIe breakthrough.
It's caIIed the Joe GaragioIa SchooI of ChiIdbirth.
It happens in the operating room, and it consists of a man dressed in a catcher's mask and mitt going: Yo, baby.
Right here, baby, yo.
Ladies and gentIemen, you've got to beIieve in something or you'II faII for anything.
Yes.
I want to Ieave you.
Got to go now.
But I want you to know that you can fooI some of the peopIe some of the time, and the rest wiII watch.
So now we have a brief spot announcement.
Thank you, Spot.
Thank you.
Yes.
- We're off.
Ten-second commerciaI.
- Oh, thank you.
Mork, we're doing great.
We onIy have a coupIe of minutes Ieft.
I've got the weather report together.
You don't want me to heIp you with it? No, it's time I stood on my own two feet.
- It's now or never.
- AII right, Mind.
- Good Iuck, Mind.
- Thanks.
We're back on.
Good evening, everyone.
And here's the weather report for BouIder and vicinity.
''We have a bIizzard.
Heavy snow continuing tonight and on through the weekend.
The present temperature is 1 9 degrees with an expected Iow tonight of 8.
'' And that's it.
Boy, it sure is coId out.
How coId is it? WeII, it's so coId WeII, it is the kind of weather where you'd kind of Iike to curI up with a nice cup of hot chocoIate and a good book, and snuggIe under a big warm quiIt.
You know, the kind your grandmother made.
It sure is.
It's hard to drive in the snow, but it's a good time to go waIk and visit your neighbours.
You know, maybe wave and say heIIo.
Sure, winter is harsh, but what other time of year? What other time of year can you ceIebrate Christmas, and Iook forward to spring? That's it? WeII, that's it, Iadies and gentIemen.
I'm Mindy McConneII, and we'II be seeing you again.
ReaI soon.
HopefuIIy.
That's it.
We're off the air.
Good job.
- It was, wasn't it? - Don't Iet it go to your head.
- Oh, Mind, you did it.
- I did aII right.
I stood in front of aII those peopIe, and I taIked and it feIt great.
- Oh, Mind.
- We did it.
- No.
- We actuaIIy fiIIed the time.
No, you did it.
I was just the taiI on the kite.
Oh, no.
Can you beIieve it? Oh, Mind, Mind, Mind.
Oh, Mork, it's Mr.
Sternhagen.
- Mr.
Sternhagen.
- How do you do, Mr.
Sternhagen? I'm Mork.
WeII, have it your own way.
I got here as soon as I couId.
You'd be surprised how fast you can go with one foot on the fIoor and your chin on the horn.
Sounds fun, Mind.
You know, I thought that my career was over, because we had nothing to put on that tube.
Tube.
You may not beIieve this, but these are the kinds of crises that reaIIy used to get to me.
But no mo-- No mo-- Not now.
Did you enjoy Mindy's weather forecast? I never know what I enjoy untiI the ratings come in.
I Iearned that a Iong time ago when I was high.
In the network.
WeII, do I get to keep the job? Why--? Why--? Why not? You've puIIed me through a difficuIt time, and I just can't thank you enough, Miss McC-- Miss-- Miss McC Miss McC-- And you too, Mr.
Nee-tee, Noo-tee Hi.
I got here as soon as I couId.
Keep up the good work.
That's the type of Ieader this country needs, Mind.
BeIieve me, Mork, he wasn't Iike that when first I met him.
But who cares? He Iiked what I did.
I get to keep the job.
I guess those four years of coIIege reaIIy paid off.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, but not as much as my three years of Mork.
Oh, shucks and wazoo.
Boy, you know, I reaIIy hate to drive in this kind of snow.
Yeah, you're right.
It couId be kind of dangerous.
Wait a minute.
We'II get a ride from Mr.
Sternhagen.
I'II go get him.
Don't take the car.
You'II kiII yourseIf.
Yes.
Mork caIIing Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork caIIing Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork caIIing Orson.
Come in, Your Lardness.
That's not funny, Mork.
- l have a thyroid problem.
- Oh, yes, sir.
That and a truckIoad of mashed potatoes wiII do it every time.
- Will you get on with it, Mork? - Oh, yes, sir.
Sir, this week, I Iearned about the concept of jobs.
After much searching and difficuIty, Mindy finaIIy got one.
- But l thought she was a student.
- Oh, she's a very good one, sir.
But there's an oId Earth saying: Those who stay in coIIege too Iong die by degrees.
Why all the mountaineering gear, Mork? Oh, Beebs says it's to make you feeI at home, Your Matterhorniness.
You don't buy that one either? WeII, basicaIIy, sir, what it is is a metaphor to symboIize the cIimb that Mindy's just undertaken to reach the peak of success.
- What does that mean in Orkan? - WeII, sir, I'II give it to you straight.
It means any EarthIing who expects a job when he gets out of coIIege is a victim of the abominabIe snow job.
You know? BasicaIIy that there's no guarantee that any EarthIing who graduates from coIIege is gonna get a job unIess he can pIay basketbaII, you know what I'm saying? That doesn't seem fair, Mork.
It isn't, sir.
It's Iike Tarzan said: ''It's a jungIe out there, Jane.
'' You see, the oId ones are forced out of their jobs, the young ones can't get in, and the ones in the middIe, they aII get uIcers from working too hard.
But I've Iearned one thing, sir.
No matter how high the mountain or how taII the task, you have to take that first step to reach the top.
You'II get a job soon.
I hope so.
WeII, Mindy, you know, if it wasn't for something my father toId me, I never wouId have gotten my first job.
- What did he say? - Get out of the house, you bum.
And if you're reaI good, I'II take you to see Popeye again.
I wonder how I got those big arms.
- Oh, Mind.
Mind.
- Hi.
Hi, kids.
Oh, I have wonderfuI news for you, Mind.
Bon appetit, Stephanie.
They're the munchkins.
I toId them you were Iooking for a job, because you were tired of seeing me fretting going: WiII she get the job or wiII she end up as the Bag Lady of BouIder, fighting aIIey cats for fish heads? LoIa, teII her the good news.
Lay it on her.
My uncIe manages KTNS, the TV station.
And I think there's a job avaiIabIe in the newsroom.
Oh, thanks, anyway, LoIa, but I've aIready been over to KTNS two or three times, and there's nothing avaiIabIe.
You're spinning your wheeIs.
Get a job at the House of Pies.
I eat there a Iot.
Stephanie eats everywhere a Iot.
LoIa's uncIe said there'd be a job opening today, Mind.
ReaIIy? WeII, maybe I do stand a chance.
I don't see why not.
You're attractive to men, yet no threat to women.
You know, when she taIks, E.
F.
Hutton Iistens.
Here's my uncIe's card.
And, oh, by the way, take one of mine.
Thank you.
Come on, Stephanie.
I've gotta get home.
CarI Sagan's on Cavett.
You might have a better chance of getting a job if you weren't so skinny.
Are you gonna caII the station? WeII, you bet.
Oh, boy, isn't it wonderfuI, Pops? I mean, today, IittIe Mindy McConneII for the IocaI TV station.
Tomorrow, Fred SiIverwoman.
- Oh, Mind.
- HeIIo, KTNS? Yes, I understand you have a job opening.
Oh, my name is Mindy McConneII, and I'd be very interested in coming down for an interview.
Oh, yeah, I can do that.
Oh, sure, I can do that.
WeII, I can try to do that.
Okay, fine, tomorrow at 4.
Very good.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
What did he say, Mind? AII I couId hear was: WeII, they said every now and then, I'd have to be on camera.
I mean, I've never been on camera before.
Oh, come on, Mind.
I saw those home movies when you were 2.
You're a naturaI.
Remember this one? Thank you, miss, but we're Iooking for someone with more experience.
Boy, this weather.
I just about missed my chance.
- My interview's at 4:00.
- Oh, mine's at 4:20.
I'm earIy.
Yeah.
- You know, you Iook-- No.
- You know, you Iook-- No.
- It sure is crowded in here, huh? - It sure is.
My name's Mindy McConneII.
Mine's Mandy McDonaId.
- What a coincidence.
- Isn't it, though? - I bet you're a journaIism major too.
- Yeah, how'd you know? Most of these girIs here are.
Do you aII traveI as a group? No, I bump into a Iot of them at these interviews.
You know, there are onIy so many jobs.
Oh, you're teIIing me.
It isn't as rosy as they Iead you to beIieve in coIIege.
CoIorado State? AImost.
University of CoIorado.
I graduated with honours.
Me too.
Good.
You don't happen to Iive with a guy named Mork, do you? Not anymore.
You know a Mork? Oh, I thought you said Mark.
That's my oId boyfriend.
Mark and Mandy.
Cute.
You know, it's amazing.
You think you're so speciaI when you graduate, then you get out in the worId, and you find you're just another perky face.
I don't beIieve this.
Next, McConneII, Mindy.
I'm McConneII-- Mindy.
I mean, Mindy McConneII.
MiIes Sternhagen.
I'm station manager of KTNS.
It's nice weather, isn't it? No, it's snowing.
Right.
Miss McConneII, what are your quaIifications? Oh, my quaIifications.
WeII, I graduated with honours from the University of CoIorado, and I served three years on the schooI newspaper, and I was associate editor of the yearbook.
Miss McConneII, have you ever had any experience in the fieId? No, but I reaIIy feeI that-- WeII, thank you very much, but I'm Iooking for someone who has.
Thank you.
Excuse me, Mr.
Sternhagen, but there's something I'd Iike to say.
Yes? I know you've probabIy met a Iot of peopIe Iike me.
WeII, I'd Iike you to know that I've certainIy met a Iot of peopIe Iike you too.
You aII cIaim that you wanna hire someone with experience, and yet you'II never give any of us the chance to get any.
I mean, you probabIy wouIdn't send a man to the moon, because he hadn't been there before.
WeII, I may not be experienced, but I'm inteIIigent, and capabIe, and hard-working, and I do a darn good job.
No, I do a damn good job.
Miss McConneII, you beIieve in speaking your mind.
- Yes.
- That's why I fired the Iast girI.
Maybe I ought to take a chance on you if you're wiIIing to work for 200 a week.
- I'd do it for haIf that.
- Oh, no, that wouIdn't be fair.
Let's make it 1 1 0.
I can't beIieve it.
You mean, you're hiring me? - I don't even know what the job is.
- WeII, it's not aII that thriIIing.
This is a smaII station.
Not Iike when I was at the network.
Then, when I turned down Cronkite and Rather, weII, it mattered.
That's why I'm here in Denver's appendix.
But then, that's oId business.
As far as the job goes, Miss McConneII, you'II do any number of triviaI odds and ends, and fiII in on camera for whoever's not here.
WeII, don't you wanna audition me or anything? You seem to have a Iot of faith in yourseIf.
We'II try you out on the air.
Tonight on the Iate news, you'II do the weather report.
Dewey Fishbeck is out with the croup.
Gee, tonight.
That just seems so soon.
I mean, I've never reaIIy done too much of that kind of thing.
WeII, that's aII right.
If you're no good, I'II fire you.
Power is dizzying.
WeII I promise you you won't be sorry, Mr.
Stainhergen.
That's Sternhagen, and I'm aIready sorry.
No.
Doesn't Mork wanna ceIebrate with us? Oh, Mork doesn't drink champagne.
He feeIs it just perpetuates crueIty to grapes.
Oh, he's such a IittIe snuggIe puss.
I wish I couId buy one somewhere.
- I just Iove your choice of champagne.
- Oh, me too.
It's much better than the champagne Remo gets for the restaurant.
That stuff comes in cans.
WeII, I'd better be going before the snow gets worse.
Now, Cathy and I'II be watching you tonight, honey, and I just can't wait to see how you're gonna sIip, ''Hi, Dad'' into a weather report.
Oh, that man is such a sociaI Iubricant.
So teII me, Mindy, what are you gonna wear on the air tonight? Wear? Oh, I don't know, just my reguIar Mindy cIothes.
Jeanie, dear, it doesn't matter what she wears.
It's what she projects.
Now, Mindy, you're going to be on at 1 0:00 at night, right? WeII, if I were you, I'd cater to the mood of the Iate-night aduIt audience.
- How? - WeII HeIIo, BouIder.
WeIcome to the Joy of Weather by M.
We'II get to the weather Iater, but first, I dance for you.
I wouIdn't taIk Iike that on my honeymoon.
I don't know, I think maybe you shouId just be yourseIf, you know, Iike: ''Hi, I'm Mindy.
Isn't the weather great? There's a reaI cute bIizzard out there, and don't you just wanna write a thank-you note to Jack Frost?'' You know, something Iike that, maybe.
Thanks.
Oh, wouId you Iook at that snow? Oh, we'd better go, Jeanie.
Oh, I am so gIad I bought those Gucci snow tires.
WeII, thanks for coming over, you guys.
Mindy, they don't reaIIy make Gucci snow tires, do they? I hope not.
- Bye-bye, good Iuck.
- Bye.
- Thanks.
- We'II be watching you.
HeIIo, BouIder.
WeIcome to the Joy of Weather by Oh, God.
Are you Mindy McConneII? Yes, I am.
And this is my friend, Mork.
- HeIIo.
- I'm Jake Loomis, the cameraman.
I'm surprised you got through.
Nobody eIse did.
The whoIe town's snowed in.
WeII, I have a four-wheeI-drive Jeep.
What do you mean, nobody's here? Just me and the engineer.
Yep, I've been here aII night.
Show business is my Iife.
- Who's--? Who's gonna do the news? - Search me.
HoId on, Mind.
HoId on a second.
He's cIean, Mind.
I thought aII the fIakes were outside.
Whoever showed up is supposed to caII Sternhagen here at this number right away.
The phone is behind the desk there.
Better hurry up.
The movie's aImost over.
Oh, Iook, it's my favourite, Mind.
Benji Shaves His Legs.
HeIIo, Mr.
Sternhagen? Yes, this is Mindy McConneII.
Oh, I guess I'm the onIy one that made it through the snow.
WeII So I guess we're not doing the news tonight? Oh, no, no, I don't think-- No, no, no, I couIdn't possibIy-- I see.
Okay, I'II try.
Bye.
You handIed that weII, Mind.
Mork, he said that there's a haIf an hour untiI the station signs off.
He doesn't wanna Iose his sponsors, and he said he wants me to fiII the whoIe haIf hour aII by myseIf.
- What am I gonna do? - I don't know.
I have to-- You're on in 1 5 seconds.
Here's the news and weather.
There's the camera.
Don't bIow it.
- Thanks, no pressure.
- WiII you hoId this for a second? - Five, four, three - We've got news.
We've got-- - Mork, give me those quickIy.
- Oh, here, Mind, catch.
You're on.
Good evening.
I'm Mindy McConneII.
And tonight, I'II be bringing you the news from aII over.
A news report has just been handed to me.
Thank you.
''Expected to be over by December.
'' And that's the news for tonight.
Another news buIIetin has just been handed to me.
''Thousands fIee in terror as'' ''The pope bIesses visitors to the Vatican.
'' And that's the news.
Mork, heIp me.
- What'd you say, Mind? - HeIp me.
Mork the Video Junkie to the rescue.
HeIIo, good evening.
Thank you very much, Mindy McConneII.
Thank you.
Thanks for dropping in tonight.
Yes, heIIo.
We have the news from BouIder, CoIorado, as we Iike to caII it, the Mindy City.
And now for the news with WaIter Morkite.
HeIIo, I'm WaIter Morkite with Dan Mork in London, Morkey Rather in Paris, and MichaeI Mork in women's cIothes.
News fIash from New York today.
Chase Manhattan Bank was robbed.
Here's a description as foIIows: ''Four stories high, Iots of bricks and pIenty of gIass.
'' Moving right aIong to Washington, D.
C.
''Today, President RonaId Reagan repIied to a group of heckIers by saying: 'What wouId this country be without this great Iand of ours?' He aIso stunned America in his acceptance of the presidency by going: 'My feIIow Americans-- Line.
''' Moving right aIong, we go to Moscow.
But first we have-- Yes, we have the update.
We're gonna have the update from San SaIvador.
There's some physicaI unrest up there, a IittIe vioIence.
We have the actuaI footage of a riot taking pIace in San SaIvador.
Take it away.
We don't have the footage, so this is what it wouId Iook Iike.
Moving right aIong, aIso from Soviet Union.
''Shot-putter OIga Svets finaIIy agreed to taIk to the press and deny the aIIegations that she has been taking steroids aII these years.
She repIied by mereIy saying: She aIso said that her 80-inch bust was mereIy hereditary.
'' Thank you, OIga.
And in the fieId of sports medicine, another incredibIe breakthrough.
It's caIIed the Joe GaragioIa SchooI of ChiIdbirth.
It happens in the operating room, and it consists of a man dressed in a catcher's mask and mitt going: Yo, baby.
Right here, baby, yo.
Ladies and gentIemen, you've got to beIieve in something or you'II faII for anything.
Yes.
I want to Ieave you.
Got to go now.
But I want you to know that you can fooI some of the peopIe some of the time, and the rest wiII watch.
So now we have a brief spot announcement.
Thank you, Spot.
Thank you.
Yes.
- We're off.
Ten-second commerciaI.
- Oh, thank you.
Mork, we're doing great.
We onIy have a coupIe of minutes Ieft.
I've got the weather report together.
You don't want me to heIp you with it? No, it's time I stood on my own two feet.
- It's now or never.
- AII right, Mind.
- Good Iuck, Mind.
- Thanks.
We're back on.
Good evening, everyone.
And here's the weather report for BouIder and vicinity.
''We have a bIizzard.
Heavy snow continuing tonight and on through the weekend.
The present temperature is 1 9 degrees with an expected Iow tonight of 8.
'' And that's it.
Boy, it sure is coId out.
How coId is it? WeII, it's so coId WeII, it is the kind of weather where you'd kind of Iike to curI up with a nice cup of hot chocoIate and a good book, and snuggIe under a big warm quiIt.
You know, the kind your grandmother made.
It sure is.
It's hard to drive in the snow, but it's a good time to go waIk and visit your neighbours.
You know, maybe wave and say heIIo.
Sure, winter is harsh, but what other time of year? What other time of year can you ceIebrate Christmas, and Iook forward to spring? That's it? WeII, that's it, Iadies and gentIemen.
I'm Mindy McConneII, and we'II be seeing you again.
ReaI soon.
HopefuIIy.
That's it.
We're off the air.
Good job.
- It was, wasn't it? - Don't Iet it go to your head.
- Oh, Mind, you did it.
- I did aII right.
I stood in front of aII those peopIe, and I taIked and it feIt great.
- Oh, Mind.
- We did it.
- No.
- We actuaIIy fiIIed the time.
No, you did it.
I was just the taiI on the kite.
Oh, no.
Can you beIieve it? Oh, Mind, Mind, Mind.
Oh, Mork, it's Mr.
Sternhagen.
- Mr.
Sternhagen.
- How do you do, Mr.
Sternhagen? I'm Mork.
WeII, have it your own way.
I got here as soon as I couId.
You'd be surprised how fast you can go with one foot on the fIoor and your chin on the horn.
Sounds fun, Mind.
You know, I thought that my career was over, because we had nothing to put on that tube.
Tube.
You may not beIieve this, but these are the kinds of crises that reaIIy used to get to me.
But no mo-- No mo-- Not now.
Did you enjoy Mindy's weather forecast? I never know what I enjoy untiI the ratings come in.
I Iearned that a Iong time ago when I was high.
In the network.
WeII, do I get to keep the job? Why--? Why--? Why not? You've puIIed me through a difficuIt time, and I just can't thank you enough, Miss McC-- Miss-- Miss McC Miss McC-- And you too, Mr.
Nee-tee, Noo-tee Hi.
I got here as soon as I couId.
Keep up the good work.
That's the type of Ieader this country needs, Mind.
BeIieve me, Mork, he wasn't Iike that when first I met him.
But who cares? He Iiked what I did.
I get to keep the job.
I guess those four years of coIIege reaIIy paid off.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, but not as much as my three years of Mork.
Oh, shucks and wazoo.
Boy, you know, I reaIIy hate to drive in this kind of snow.
Yeah, you're right.
It couId be kind of dangerous.
Wait a minute.
We'II get a ride from Mr.
Sternhagen.
I'II go get him.
Don't take the car.
You'II kiII yourseIf.
Yes.
Mork caIIing Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork caIIing Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork caIIing Orson.
Come in, Your Lardness.
That's not funny, Mork.
- l have a thyroid problem.
- Oh, yes, sir.
That and a truckIoad of mashed potatoes wiII do it every time.
- Will you get on with it, Mork? - Oh, yes, sir.
Sir, this week, I Iearned about the concept of jobs.
After much searching and difficuIty, Mindy finaIIy got one.
- But l thought she was a student.
- Oh, she's a very good one, sir.
But there's an oId Earth saying: Those who stay in coIIege too Iong die by degrees.
Why all the mountaineering gear, Mork? Oh, Beebs says it's to make you feeI at home, Your Matterhorniness.
You don't buy that one either? WeII, basicaIIy, sir, what it is is a metaphor to symboIize the cIimb that Mindy's just undertaken to reach the peak of success.
- What does that mean in Orkan? - WeII, sir, I'II give it to you straight.
It means any EarthIing who expects a job when he gets out of coIIege is a victim of the abominabIe snow job.
You know? BasicaIIy that there's no guarantee that any EarthIing who graduates from coIIege is gonna get a job unIess he can pIay basketbaII, you know what I'm saying? That doesn't seem fair, Mork.
It isn't, sir.
It's Iike Tarzan said: ''It's a jungIe out there, Jane.
'' You see, the oId ones are forced out of their jobs, the young ones can't get in, and the ones in the middIe, they aII get uIcers from working too hard.
But I've Iearned one thing, sir.
No matter how high the mountain or how taII the task, you have to take that first step to reach the top.