Nip/Tuck s03e11 Episode Script

previously on nip/tuck every time you lipo a big black ass or shave the bump off of a jewish nose, you make that person more viable in a white world.
why would you want somebody like that in your life,matt? She's a racist.
i'm so afraid i'm making a mistake,gina.
I'm giving up everything for him.
i just can't this was spray painted on the locker of a jewish girl at coral gables prep.
Several blocks away, "go home,lemonheads" was scrawled on an asian-american couple's front door.
that's terrible,detective, but why come to us? well,both the teenager and the asian husband were patients of yours.
So you haven't had any files go missing? No strange behavior from your employees or patients? no but we'll double check the files and keep an eye out for anything unusual.
so i'll get back to you guys in a few days.
If you think of anything before then,please give me a call.
ok.
detective.
How long does someone have to be gone before you can file a missing persons report? she's not missing,sean.
do you have any reason to suspect foul play? no.
I only suspect that my fiancee came to her senses.
i didn't know that sort of thing happened to a guy like you.
christian,i know it's only been a few days, but don't you think you have to examine every possible scenario? - It isn't like - kimber's gone and i'm moving on,sean.
I'm not meant to be married to her or anybody else.
Look at me.
I'm a wildly successful plastic surgeon with great hair,pearl-white teeth,and a 33-inch waist.
I'm a goddamn superhero.
And i'm gonna put that cape back on, fly back into every singles bar in town and bang myself silly.
I've got a consult waiting in the office.
tell me what you don't like about yourself,miss mays.
i don't like that i look like a clydesdale.
My face belongs in a feedbag, and these hips and legs should be pulling the budweiser beer wagon.
Um,this is where your wonderful bedside manner should kick in.
You should say,"no,abby,i think you're an attractive lady.
" or at least a handsome gal? That's what my dad used to call the ugly women handsome.
why don't you be a little more specific about exactly what changes you're looking for.
i just know i want to be beautiful so i can be loved by someone like you.
Ok,not you exactly.
I know you're unattainable.
I know that.
I saw you in beach drive magazine.
I know you were named one of miami's 50 most eligible bachelors.
But you're off the market,right? You'reengaged? not anymore.
Look,if it's a boyfriend you're looking for, why don't you save your money and try online dating or personal ads? I'm sure there's somebody out there who's perfect for you.
i have done them all already, but nothing's clicked.
On most of the dates the guy usually just turns and walks out of the restaurant once he sees flabby abby.
Or they're just too hideous,and i walk out on them.
you know,the ugly ones are usually the best lovers.
Realgivers to make up for their shortcomings.
just because i am ugly doesn't mean i'm attracted to ugly,dr.
Troy.
I get all the magazines.
I watch mtv.
I'm as affected by the media as anyone else.
well,sweetheart,you're never gonna look like angelina, and you're never gonna sleep with brad.
That's just the way it is.
Life sucks for you.
you don't think i should try plastic surgery? you'll need multiple surgeries,and none of them are cheap.
i realize that.
I want to do whatever it takes to be beautiful.
fine.
Give me your lipstick and take off your clothes.
is that really necessary? your first step towards a life of beauty is taking a long,cold look at reality.
So yeah,i think it's necessary.
Strip.
Beauty is symmetry,and you don't have any.
First i have to get rid of all this nasty cottage cheese.
And here you need some laser hair removal to keep this forest under control.
These mud flaps will need to be lopped off.
Have you ever picked up anything heavier than a carton of haagen dazs? um,well,i don't go to a gym or anything.
obviously.
Your beer belly will need extensive abdominal lipo.
And you could insulate your house with the amount of fat i'm gonna suck out of your hips and your ass.
is something wrong? i ran out of lipstick.
what about my face,dr.
Troy? it's a lost cause.
But if i sculpt your body with tumescent lipo, it might be salvageable.
"salvageable?" do-able.
Screwable.
Ready to be ridden bareback.
Now put your clothes back on.
You look like a road map to hell.
after we remove the embedded metals, we can even out the skin surface with a light microdermabrasion.
excuse me,dr.
Costa.
I'll handle it from here.
i thought i'd go ahead and get started.
I didn't want to waste this soldier's time.
we'll only be wasting his time if we examine him twice.
isn't he a doctor? yes,he is,but you deserve to be examined by a partner, instead of just one of our associate doctors.
sounds great.
can you tell me how you got your shrapnel scars,corporal brandt? i ran a regular supply convoy on route irish.
It's the only road between central baghdad and the airport.
They call it the most dangerous road on earth 'cause it gets attacked almost every single day.
The humvee i was riding in took a direct hit from an rpg and it was mayhem.
My partner took a grenade right to the chest, and it blew him to shit.
I saw the dude who launched it at us about 200 yards away on top of a building.
He was dancing.
I just snapped.
I didn't have any weapons on me, but i headed straight for that building.
were you afraid? i would have done the exact same thing.
no,it wasn't fear.
This may sound terrible,but when you're in a situation like that,and you're attacked for no reason, it's hate that gets you through it.
Even protects you.
what did you do to him? well,he was bigger than me, so he fended me off at first, but i finally got him down on the ground and i stuck my thumbs in his eyes until they were covered in blood.
He started swinging wildly at the air, so i took his launcher, and i hit him in the head with it again and again.
I just kept hitting him in the head until it cracked wide open.
When i saw bone,i knew he was dead.
what a terrible thing to experience.
i guess.
I'm kind of numb to it now,though.
All the blood and everything.
You guys must know what i'm talking about.
You must deal with gore every day,right? i don't think anyone ever gets used to slaughter.
i see you have a wifechloe.
She must be happy you're home.
yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be staying for a while,too.
The army wants me to do recruiting for them now.
I mean,that's why they're paying for all the cosmetic surgery.
So i'm going to go around to high schools and malls and stuff and get people to sign up.
it's just like old times having you here,liz.
well,don't get too excited,christian.
I'm only filling in today 'cause you couldn't find anybody else on such late notice.
is she properly tumesced? yes,doctor.
Metz.
Cannula.
christian,come on! I gave this patient enough propofol for a liposuction.
You're scraping ice off of a car windshield.
tumescent liposuction leaves very little bruising.
Just do your job and keep her under.
it's my job to minimize pain.
Having her wake up looking like she just played linebacker for the dolphins kind of defeats the purpose.
Look look! After being attacked, accused of murder,rejected by your mother, and dumped by your bride,who wouldn't be angry? It makes sense.
You've had a really rough year,christian, but you shouldn't be taking it out on her.
enough of your feminazi bullshit,liz! I don't care if you don't work here full-time anymore.
When you're assisting me that means you're an employee, which anwhs shut up and serve the rge eon! this is the last favor i ami gonna do for you.
our favor is no longer required.
Linda can helpen finish.
ok,you reverse her slowly,and then you eub yate when youanen.
i heard someone painted a swastika on a locker at matt's school.
what do you know about it? nothing.
Just wondered if they have any idea who did it.
adsen pickups.
Scissors.
it's funny,isn't it? Painting a few jagged lines on a locker is considered a hate crime.
But so many things are excluded from that label.
Rape,murder,incest.
Why aren't they called hate crimes? War.
That's not considered a crime at all.
Yet hating your enemy makes it so much easier to kill them.
what about sleeping with a colleague's ex-wife? Isn't that a hate crime? why don't we just be men about this and fully address the dilemma at hand? I hate you.
what a coincidence.
I can't wait for the day when your contract finally expires and we can kick your ass out that door.
why don't you just do it now,sean? Do it! Buy me out.
Oh,that's right,you can't afford it.
if you're looking for a declaration of war,quentin, you've got it.
The gauntlet has officially been thrown down.
i accept your declaration.
As uncomfortable as you try and make my life around here, i have several delightful ways to make it more difficult for you.
And then at the end of the day, i can go home and get out any leftover aggression by screwing julia.
how are we feeling today,corporal? where's dr.
Mcnamara? I thought he was my surgeon.
i'm only doing a follow-up.
Is that a problem? no.
I guess you'll be fine.
You know,i've been thinking about your story.
It's really quite amazing.
try having it happen to you.
you must have felt so so vulnerable.
when you're under attack,you have to push those feelings down.
yeah.
Well,everything is healing very nicely.
Once we remove the stitches there should be no scarring whatsoever.
all right.
excuse me.
you didn't tell us you caught shrapnel down there.
You know,we could've taken care of those during the same procedure.
no,i don't want all of them fixed.
They're souvenirs,my own badges of honor.
well,at least let me check and make sure no keloids are forming.
good.
That's good.
what the hell do you think you're doing? I'm not a faggot doctor.
I'm a married man.
I have a wife.
i can see why you asked for dr.
Mcnamara.
christian,hey! Good to see you.
swank place you have here,julia.
I can see why the patients are banging down the doors to get in.
i'm glad you approve.
Your design standards are very high,so i'm flattered.
Can i give you a tour,get you a drink? why the kid gloves? no.
I'm just happy to see you.
You ok? i'm fine.
are you sure? You've been through a pretty shattering experience,you know.
Why don't you just take a vacation and go somewhere enough with the pity,ok? I don't need a vacation.
Kimber's already given me one.
I'm here for a patient follow-up.
dr.
Troy,i didn't think you'd stop by.
After all you've been through,i mean.
I heard you were ditched at the altar? I don't want to sound mean,dr.
Troy,but that ex-bride of yours sounds like a real bird-brain.
What was she thinking? You're a rich,handsome plastic surgeon, everything a woman could want.
You're better off anyway.
Sure,you can get any woman you want to marry you, but if you never get married, you can get every woman any night of the week.
And none of them will nag you when you leave the toilet seat up.
- I think - shut up! Let's take a look at you.
That's why i'm here.
amazing work.
i feel like someone else.
Like maybe i should change my name or something.
Flabby abby's dead.
But did you beat me with a broom handle while you were vacuuming my hips? soreness is a small price to pay for beauty.
Don't you think? i'd have paid double.
When can i go out and meet my dr.
Christian troy? when are you checking out? friday afternoon.
so why don't you stop by my place friday night around 8:00? ok.
Hey! hey.
Something smells good.
I don't think i made enough or i'd invite you to stay for dinner.
Are you here to see matt? yeah.
Is he around? yeah,he's,uh studying with ariel.
good.
I want to speak to her,too.
no,i don't think you should disturb them,sean.
why not? well,you remember what you were like when we first started dating,right? yes,i do.
if you do this,you might never be able to get him back.
jesus,are they having sex?Julia! sean,i would rather him hanging out here than on the streets.
I mean,worse still with ava.
At least ariel's his age.
you knew about this? yes,and i gave him condoms,like you once did,sean.
that was different.
really? What,there's a double standard in terms of parents providing contraception to their kids? no! I just don't want our son having sex with her! That girl in there is pure evil.
she's a teenager! no,she is a racist,julia! Have you even had a conversation with her? Or is it all suddenly just about your career? i have been busy with the spa, but there hasn't been one thing going on with this family that slipped through the cracks.
oh,really? Here's something that slipped through the crack some guy's cock in your boyfriend's ass! why would you say that? i caught quentin getting rear-ended by a male patient this afternoon.
And i don't think he was just collecting the bill.
i can't believe your jealousy.
What is it,sean? If i can't love you,i'm not allowed to love anyone? i just don't want to see you get hurt,that's all.
You have an awful way of showing it.
you're sleeping with him? If you are,make sure he double-bags it! what'd you say to her? i guess there's one good thing that comes out of screwing your girlfriend in the bedroom.
Neither one of you can be out committing more hate crimes! what are you talking about? it's time for you to leave,sean.
You've disrupted this family enough for one day.
did you and your little girlfriend have anything to do with a swastika painted on a locker? no.
i heard you helped the girl whose locker it was hide her jewish nose.
Sounds to me like you're an accessory to the crime,dr.
Mcnamara.
don't let her spin her web around you,matt.
You can do so much better than her.
hey! You shut your mouth.
We're in love.
I love you.
i love you,too.
i don't have to stand for this.
why why do you always have to choose hate over love,man? good afternoon,corporal.
- Ahh,you must be - chloe brandt.
Hi.
hi.
it's the little lady.
you did a great job on his face.
I have my handsome oliver back again.
must be wonderful having your husband back,mrs.
Brandt.
oh,it is.
It's as if my nightmare has ended in this dream come true.
and as soon as we find out where oliver's stationed, we're going to start looking for a house and try to get pregnant.
oh,that's that's terrific.
have you had a physical since he's been back,chloe? A blood panel? no.
Why? Is there something i should be concerned about? no,no,it's a good idea.
Who knows what diseases i was exposed to in iraq? I know a lot of guys who caught some sand fly parasite thing.
i'll make an appointment with dr.
Flickinger.
honey,did you bring in my sweater? I don't i don't see it.
oh,i must've left it in the car.
I'll run and go get it.
she's lovely,corporal.
You're a lucky man.
does chloe know about your extracurricular activities? i don't think i know what you mean.
i saw you and dr.
Costa having anal intercourse,corporal brandt.
Not only is that highly inappropriate behavior between a doctor and his patient, but i have a strong feeling that your poor,trusting wife has no idea about it.
both you and christian have had sex with patients,sean.
I thought it was company policy around here.
i suggest you tell your wife about it, just like i've told my wife about dr.
Costa.
ex-wife.
That was a mistake.
ok,excuse me.
Wait a minute.
Why am i caught in the middle of your crossfire, and i didn't have sex with anybody,ok? I'm not a fag.
no one's accusing you of anything,corporal.
Dr.
Mcnamara is just jealous because i've been seeing his ex-wife.
It's obvious he still has a thing for her.
i guess we can leave it up to the ama to decide.
I'm filing a sexual misconduct grievance.
and i'll just tell them that your personal vendetta against me has now inappropriately involved a patient.
corporal brandt,i'm sorry to do this, but i'll give you two choices you can tell the reviewing medical board dr.
Costa sexually abused you without your consent which will result in dr.
Costa losing his job and his license to practice, or you can admit that what happened was consensual and face your fate with the military.
hi.
hey.
it's,uh it's quiet around here.
we're down to two patients tonight.
A bunch checked out before the weekend.
you're tight.
What is that,um that saying? The devil is the knot between your shoulder blades.
It's been a long day.
let me help you relax.
let's christen the soaking tub.
i need to ask you something.
Sean told me he saw you having sex with a male patient of yours yesterday.
he he what? quentin,if you're gay,i'll understand.
Oh,julia.
Julia,don't you see what he's doing? that's not an answer.
he is trying to come between us.
Don't you think it's a bit coincidental that he said he saw me screwing some guy yesterday, in our office,where my boss,your ex-husband could catch me? It's as if he said to you if you don't love him, you can't love anyone else.
You want to believe him? You'd be completely ignoring every second we ever shared.
Every second we ever shared on the dance floor,hmm? Every caress of our lips.
Every soft touch of our skin.
then why haven't you tried to have sex with me? We've been dating for almost a month.
i do things differently.
There's,um an honor involved.
well,if this is to continue, i could do with a little less honor and a little more heat.
how's that? Is that hot enough for you? come on in.
would you like a drink? what about dinner? I thought- i thought maybe we'd just stay in.
that's a great idea.
I'll have a white wine spritzer.
I heard there's less calories in a spritzer,right? Don't want to get fat again.
Christian,i want to thank for this.
You've already given me more than i could ever imagine.
don't guzzle,abby.
I want you to be fully conscious for what's happening next.
What are you doing? You look like a trout.
i'm sorry.
Did you want to make out? before we do,why don't you slip into something a little more comfortable? i didn't bring anything.
that's ok.
I went shopping.
It's on the bed.
that's a bag.
yes.
i thought you said you went shopping.
i did,grocery shopping.
And i recycle.
And now i would like to make good use of that bag.
I want you to put it on.
what do you mean? if you want to have sex with me, you have to put the bag over head so i can't see your face.
You won't suffocate,if that's what you are worried about.
C'mon,abby.
How many chances in life are you going to get to sleep with someone like me? Hmm? You want me or not? - yes.
- speak up.
i said yes.
I want you.
then put it on.
i understand why you went into the military,corporal.
It gives you an opportunity to role play,hide from your true self.
that's funny,dr.
Costa.
Hiding your true self from dr.
Mcnamara seems to be exactly what you had to do.
have you made up your mind? Are you going to be a man and tell the truth? Or are you going to lie in an attempt to ruin my career to save yours? doesn't seem like much of a choice to me.
Why would i do anything to save your sorry ass? As much as i enjoyed it.
you're not a hero.
To you,it's more respectable to kill a man, than it is to be a homosexual.
and you'd rather ruin everything i stand for than to fight your own battles.
Isn't the doctor's creed to "first do no harm"? that's a good point.
Because i helped you today,corporal.
This morning i called your commanding officer and informed him of who you are gay and a coward.
you did what? i talked to colonel watterson.
I told him i'd go under oath if necessary.
you asshole.
now it's time you faced him.
we don't need you for this surgery,quentin.
Why don't you just go home? or why don't you head down to the docks? I hear there's a whole bunch of sailors just arrived with 3-day passes.
i've been thinking,gentlemen, and i've decided to make you a deal.
We all know it's become an unpleasant work environment around here, and i'm not wanted.
So i'll make you an offer you can't refuse.
we're listening.
buy out the remainder of my contract at 50? On the dollar.
fine.
We'll have our lawyers draw up the paperwork in the morning.
no,no,no.
There's no need to wait that long.
I've already taken care of the necessary arrangements.
I'll leave the papers on your desk.
no.
We're taking care of this right now.
Everything looks good to me.
You have a pen? i'm leaving now.
I'll send for the rest of my things in the morning.
that's a wonderful idea.
why the change of heart,quentin? Did you suddenly realize atlanta had a brand new crop of patients to bugger? actually,christian,i'm staying right here in miami.
I took a job as the plastic surgeon in residence at spa de la mer.
I'm working for julia.
"dear christian, i've thought about you reading this letter ever since the day i left.
For your sake,i hope you've moved on and barely remember my name.
Please know that leaving you on your wedding day was the last thing i wanted to do.
I tried to say this to you so many times before, but couldn't do it.
So i just left.
But the words still need to be said.
We were never meant to spend our lives together.
There is one thing i thank you for forcing me to choose between you and my career.
You helped me realize that my career gives me everything i need individuality,empowerment,autonomy while being your wife would only strip me of my dignity and sense of self.
So i chose me over you.
You probably hate me for it,and for that,i'm sorry.
Don't try and find me.
I never wanna see you again.
It would be too painful and nothing would be gained.
Goodbye.
Kimber.
why are youaking me do this? give it.
Thank you.
no.
stop.
God.
christian? what are you doing here? Did you finally find an ounce of respect and come to tell me what an asshole i am? you and i are very similar,you know.
I know you hate me, but i'm ok with it.
Because i hate me,too.
you couldn't be more pathetic.
yeah,i know.
You've made that pretty clear.
But,christian,that's cool with me.
I like that i don't have to worry if you'll ever love me.
I don't have to try to please you.
It would only waste my time.
Don't you get it? Last night,those weren't tears of humiliation you saw.
They were tears of joy.
I had the first orgasm of my life with you.
I went online to try and get information about my feelings.
According to the web sites,i must be a masochist.
And you,you're definitely a sadist.
We're made for each other.
Anytime you want me,just let me know.
Then i'll wear the bag again.
I don't mind.
be at my place tonight at 9:00.