Run the Burbs (2022) s03e11 Episode Script

1
So, who wants to tell me what happened?
(COUGHING)
Sorry. I had some purple in my mouth.
Same. Can I get a
glass of water, please?
Wait, wait a minute,
that's right, uh ♪
I'm unstoppable, I'm on-top-able ♪
I'm a-rock-able ♪
CAMILLE: Ooh. Pass
the champagne, please.
I'm unbreakable, unmistakeable ♪
Mmm!
Andrew, this guac is incredible.
Oh, thank you.
But I'm not the excellent
chef we should be focusing on.
Yeah. Celebrate me, giving
birth to my cookbook.
I can't believe it's going
to be in my hands so soon.
Then in a billion more hands.
And I hope you all are ready
to get your Holi celebraysh on
at the launch party tomorrow.
I'm picturing it's going to
be like a rainbow exploded.
Whoa.
I haven't celebrayshed
since we went to India.
It must be 30 years.
Yes. I think about that trip a lot.
Remember how much Mom loved it?
So did you, when you weren't crying
about getting powder in your eyes.
(LAUGHING)
I'm actually going to
read that story about Mom
at the cookbook launch tomorrow.
That's why I wanted it to be on
the actual day of Holi.
She deserves to be celebrated.
Camille, that is lovely.
KHIA: Stop taking my
things! You're so annoying.
Oh, my God. Again?
- LEO: Just leave me alone.
- No. I got this.
Since they've been fighting so much,
I've been reading up on
techniques to deal with teens.
- Soundproofing?
- A lot of this.
Stop, drop and roll.
Stop and take a deep breath.
Drop the energy level,
and roll into
understanding the situation.
KHIA: Oh, yeah?
Stop. I'm cool as a ranch.
LEO: Worst sister ever.
Well, cheers.
- To Camille.
- (GLASSES CLINKING)
Hmm. Me.
- (SHOUTING)
- Hey.
How about we stop and
drop the energy level
and talk this out, huh?
- Give it.
- You're hurting me!
Quiet coyote, huh? Look at the coyote.
Tell Khia to get out of my world!
No. Tell the little turd
to get out of my life.
Leo? Okay. Enough
pulling. You'll break them.
Ugh! (THUDDING)
Thank you.
Are you feeling upset because
you're not getting enough
attention from Mom and Dad?
What? No.
He can't just barge into
my room and take my things.
- Like it's even a big deal.
- Hey.
- Okay, okay.
- (DOORBELL RINGING)
Hey, hey, hey.
This conversation is not over,
but now is the time for us
all to be together as a family.
Let's go down and support Mom. Huh?
Okay.
Love and respect
for all those around us on three. Huh?
One, two, three.
Hey! I said "love and respect."
You're such a baby!
You must be Madeline.
Camille has said so many
amazing things about you.
Well, she's been a dream to work with.
Are you ready, Camille?
I can't believe it's finally happening.
Oh, my God. Okay.
Introducing simmer 'til it glimmers.
(EVERYONE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
It's perfect.
Wow.
Aw. To Mom.
Oh. What is the safety pin about?
So, when my mom passed,
I used to see them in
the most random places.
It's like she was telling
me she's still with me.
Ah. I love a supportive ghost mom.
So, tomorrow's going to be easy-peasy.
I've invited VIP influencers and press.
- They will get the word out.
- Get that buzz buzzing.
And how about the food stuff?
We can still hire a caterer, you know.
No. I want to do the recipes
justice, so I am happy to do it.
Of course. Oh, about
the coloured powder?
My intern had trouble sourcing it,
so do you mind if we sub
in powdered fabric dye?
Uh, no. That could blind people.
Oh. Well, that's not good.
- (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
- they won't buy the book, then.
- Yeah.
- Oh. I am sorry.
I have to take this. I
will see you tomorrow.
Do not worry, okay?
And congrats. You did,
really, a hell of a thing.
Okay, great. Cool.
Yeah, yeah. No, Madeline. Got it.
I, um, think.
Okay. I have to cook for tomorrow.
- Can you be on the Holi powder?
- I got you.
- Okay.
- Hey, kids?
Go do a search for homemade Holi powder.
Okay. Come on.
Good girl.
This works out great, huh?
Unite them in a task
and then their feelings may open.
It's another technique
called the touchy-feelies.
Oh. Maybe don't say the name to them.
Okay. And Dad,
you're good to go to the
venue tomorrow morning
to drop off the food while I get ready?
- Naturally.
- Okay.
I actually have to
return a faulty loofah
that I bought right near
there. Where did I put that?
Okay. And, um, tomorrow's
major industry vibe,
so I'm going to need you
on teeth, on wardrobe, on hair.
Done. Look at you. Author, chef,
get-her-done extraordinaire.
- (LAUGHING)
- (PHONE CHIMING)
Oh. It's Gloria.
Oh, lucky. I'm the lawyer
for good morning Gloria
and I haven't even met her yet.
"How get merlot out of silk PJs?"
I think she's confusing
me for a search engine.
Look at you. National treasure
sliding into your DMs like that.
Yeah. Well, she is my boss,
but nice enough to write
a blurb for the book.
Oh. Do you think she's coming tomorrow?
I can't imagine she has the time,
but that's okay. She is a lot.
(PHONE CHIMING)
Uh, "squeezing make it worst."
It does, though.
So,
did Mom tell you what Holi's all about?
Celebrating the divine love
between the gods Krishna and Radha.
And chucking butt-loads
of powder in Khia's face.
ANDREW: No.
It's about loving each
other, like all good holidays.
Except National Grilled Cheese Day.
That day, it's just for you.
So, you want to tell me
what's really happening
between you two?
She's mad because I recorded
randomly scaring her a few times.
He popped out from my closet,
and then another time,
from under my bed.
I waited a whole hour under there.
And from the bathroom.
Whoa. The bathroom, Leo?
I jumped out before she even got
in there. It was my finest work.
It was totally inappropriate.
Well, it's not my fault.
I will literally murder
you if you say another word.
Hey! (CHUCKLING) chill.
I need space.
Well, I need space, too.
Hey. You two are going to
love each other tomorrow,
no matter what! You hear?
(DOORS SLAMMING)
(SIGHING)
Ah. This isn't going to work.
Amazon, please have Holi powder.
Hmm. Yes.
Put it in the cart!
I think you're something ♪
Do you feel what I'm feeling, too ♪
Okay.
Ooh!
Okay.
Oh. Great.
Hi. Soren. Intern with the publisher.
- I'm Camille.
- Sam.
Um, did you bring the Holi powder?
Oh, no. My husband's
bringing that later.
Uh, where's Madeline?
I haven't been able
to reach her all day.
She's not coming.
Um, she had a 911 with another author.
Okay, but she's supposed to be here
to make sure everything goes okay.
Why does my forehead look like that?
Uh, what is that?
- SAM: Gloria.
- And what is that?
"A tasty read! Gloria Thompson-Mathers."
Uh, that's standard for first runs.
Okay, but it's right over my mom's face.
All of them are.
Oh, I'm sure this comes right off.
This could be my copy.
CAMILLE: Okay. "Maritime spice goddess."
Soren, where are my
friends and family sitting?
They didn't invite your guest list.
What?
They wanted more
influencers. I didn't do it.
Soren, I need you to make
the front row my family.
Okay.
Yeah.
By the way, where is your family?
They are coming. They're coming.
When did you get home? Where's Leo?
He wanted to walk home from taekwondo.
I gave you the van so
you could pick him up.
What if he goes missing?
I guess that'd be a shame?
Yes! Yes, it would.
(DOOR CLOSING)
She took off on me.
Khia!
What? He was talking to his
friends and made me wait.
I have things to do.
- No, you don't.
- Cool it.
Leo, shower. You smell like armpit.
Go get ready.
You, too. And I know it's
delicious, but save room.
Mom's going to have all that food there.
(DOOR CLOSING)
Fine.
Did you dip the chip
and put it back in
Cool as a ranch. Cool as a ranch.
CAMILLE: Oh, Dad.
So, where's the food?
- I had it all in the car.
- Mm-hmm?
But then, I jaunted across
the street to return my loofah.
And I'd forgotten my
receipt. I went back, but
Oh, my God.
the car was halfway
up the block being towed.
Someone must have put a
fire hydrant beside it.
Uh, my food is gone?
My wallet was in the car.
You know what? Give me your credit card.
- I'll fix this.
- Hmm?
You know, never mind. Uh, Sam?
You have 10 minutes.
LEO: What the hell?
Dad!
ANDREW: Damn. That's a lot of ankle.
Did you have a growth spurt?
I don't think so.
I accept responsibility for this.
You broke my headphones.
So, you butchered my pants?
Pantses, plural. Top
five in your rotation.
Come on, Khia!
Leo, find something else.
Mom needs us and the Holi powder.
We will resolve all of this later.
Fine, but this boy's unfixable.
This man is unfixable. Wait.
Behave, or else.
Fast and firm consequences.
No car, and you're both on
shower-drain hair-removal
duty for two months.
Aw, come on!
I mean it.
Love on three.
(DOORS SLAMMING)
Love.
GLORIA: It's Gloria! I've arrived.
Oh, okay. Get-get-get. (LAUGHING)
Gloria. You came.
Well, my schedule suddenly freed up,
and I wanted to come out and support.
- (LAUGHING)
- (GASPING) Oh.
Look at us. Oh, I love it.
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Enjoy this moment.
We are all here for one reason,
and that's you.
- (CHUCKLING)
- (LAUGHING)
Hello, everyone!
- (APPLAUDING)
- (LAUGHING)
The random chaos of the
universe really does hate me.
(SIGHING)
CAMILLE: Andrew, I am
starting to lose it.
Gloria is sucking up
all the air in the room
and I don't recognize anyone in here.
Hey. Remember our wedding day?
We ordered that ice
sculpture that looked like us
and the freezer was broken,
and it ended up looking
like Vin Diesel as a walrus?
CAMILLE: Yeah, of course.
Everyone loved it.
Exactly. It was unexpected, but
it still turned out memorable.
Everything will be all right.
(KHIA SCREAMING)
Leo, I'm going to kill you!
- (POUNDING ON DOOR)
- What's going on?
That was nothing. Got it under control.
Okay. Be there soon.
Love you so much. Bye.
- KHIA: Take it down now.
- LEO: No. You deserve it.
- Khia, what's going on?
- Nothing!
(PHONE CHIMING)
Is it Leo's bathroom scare video?
LEO: (LAUGHING) Yeah.
Dad, don't watch it!
Was that what I think it was?
LEO: Yup.
She was so scared, she sharted.
(CRYING)
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Everyone sharts.
- (DOOR CLOSING)
- (SIGHING)
There better be an article for this.
(HINDI POP MUSIC PLAYING)
SAM: Hair, teeth, smell. Superb.
Okay.
Okay. One orderly line. No cutsies.
I'm cookie, influencer
and good morning Gloria enthusiast.
Oh. Well, thank you.
I've heard things are going terribly
over at the show.
Uh, no. Everything's great.
Do you want me to sign?
Sure. Is Gloria signing, too?
Uh, and that is your time.
There you go.
That was weird.
Yeah. Those Youtubers,
they're a different breed.
Uh-huh.
Oh!
Well, well, well. Of course.
- Sam?
- Hmm?
- Move.
- What?
- What?
- Move, Sam. Sam?
Sam, move.
Is Gloria signing my book?
You need to shut this down.
You got it.
GLORIA: Oh, hello.
Aren't you lovely?
Wow. Gloria.
You smell so good.
- Camille
- Mm-hmm?
Oh, Camille. She, um
Camille signs.
You? Mmm, no. No, no.
Me no-no sign?
Oh. (GASPING)
Oh, I didn't mean to offend.
It's just I can never say no to a fan.
You don't happen to be one, do you?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, how about I give
you a little "I'm sorry"?
(LAUGHING)
There we go.
(LAUGHING)
I'm sorry.
(SIGHING)
Leo, the sibling bond
is not to be squandered.
Please make amends with your sister.
Khia, this moment is but a drop
in the big bucket of life.
Leo, you did not ask
for your sister's consent
to post a video.
This is wrong.
I promise you this will blow over.
Ask yourself if this
is the kind of young man
you want to be.
(PHONE RINGING)
Babe, we are out the door.
Your mother pushed you
both out of her vagina
for a combined 17 hours!
Today is not about you.
Okay. How much will it take?
(HINDI POP MUSIC PLAYING)
CAMILLE: You've got to be kidding me.
These are recipe adjacent,
because you use a lot of veggies, right?
Sure. Whatever.
I'm sorry, Camille.
(SIGHING) no food.
No kids. No husband.
But I get Gloria.
I mean, who wears white to a book launch
when you're not the author?
Seems to me she's looking for attention.
(CAMILLE SIGHING)
Perhaps I can attend
to her. I've got this.
Hello. Ramesh Devani.
I'm Camille's father.
Pleasure to meet you.
- (GLASSES CLINKING)
- Well, thanks, Daddy.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Uh, well, thank you for being here.
You've added quite the energy.
Oh. Well, I love that they love me.
Do you know that
my producers told me to get fillers
to look younger, or else?
Fools. You look very young
and, may I say, quite fetching.
Oh.
I myself was recently
forced to retire early by my faculty.
Sons of bitches.
They forcing people to retire at 50 now?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Oh, you're fun.
Hi. Um, so, you were actually
supposed to do the reading first.
Uh, that's on me. Could you do that now?
Uh, well, my family is just like
- They're almost here.
- (LAUGHING) Yeah.
They're getting mad.
Cam, I know this is a
flaming dumpster fire
for your expectations, but you got this.
Hey. For you and for your mom.
Yeah, okay, okay. Okay.
Okay.
Oh.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
Um, thank you, everyone, for being here.
My mom and her family would make falooda
for the entire neighbourhood on Holi,
which you could've
been enjoying right now,
but, um, I digress.
"It was my first time
celebrating Holi in India,
and I was so excited.
my mom always talked about
the huge colourful battle.
it felt like Halloween, Christmas,
and National Grilled
Cheese Day all in one."
(LAUGHING)
"So, when I woke up that
day with food poisoning,
my hopes were crushed."
(SAM AND GLORIA LAUGHING)
- Sam!
- (GASPING)
Um, where's my dad?
Oh, yes. Um, I asked him
To go fetch some whisky,
because there's barely a selection.
Okay. What are you doing? I
Go, go, go. Go, go, go.
Hello, everyone.
You all need to just buy this book
and support this one over here.
Because the network
is cleaning house,
and I just got booted off my own show.
What?
So, peameal here
Beep-boop! Doesn't
have a TV job no more.
- (LAUGHING) Boom.
- Um
Did I just get fired?
- Yes.
- You'll land on your feet, Gloria.
(CHANTING) Gloria. Gloria.
Gloria. Gloria. Gloria.
Gloria. Gloria. Gloria. Gloria.
They got rid of all of this.
The number-one morning
show in the nation,
2004 to 2007.
ANDREW: We made it. We made
it. We're here. We're here!
We are here.
The Holi powder is here.
(ANDREW LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
We all love you and each other.
LEO: Go.
SAM: Why are you late?
Parenting. That's why.
Also, do you have
some cash I could have?
I owe the kids bribe money.
No, sorry. I gave my wallet to Ramesh
- so he could buy some hooch.
- Oh.
Let me tell you how I got
my job in the first place.
This is a funny story, actually.
(EXHALING SHARPLY)
I was 21 years old
(HEART POUNDING)
(SIGHING)
(LAUGHING)
GLORIA: But I personally
Uh, Gloria? I got this.
Um, the gist of the rest of my story?
My mom taught me the importance
of letting go of expectations
because, um, if you don't,
You might miss the best parts of life.
And when I was feeling
better, my mom declared
a Hholi redo,
and, um, my cousins
pummelled me with powder.
It was the happiest day of my life.
Uh, so, you see,
my mom taught me the value
in finding the fun wherever I was.
So, um, with that
Hmm?
MAN: No, no!
- (GASPING)
- (LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING)
This day is about celebrating
with the people we love,
and I see a few I'd like to smush
with my love right about now.
- SOREN: Uh, no. No, no, no.
- (ANDREW CACKLING)
No. This is for outside.
Does no one care about
the rental agreement?
Ah.
Ah. Thank you.
I'm still waiting.
Okay. I started this.
I wanted today to be
perfect, but I forgot
that perfect usually looks like this.
The property manager's
going to have to fine you.
Oh, I'm sure it's not that
big of a problem, is it?
How about a selfie?
I'll take an autographed book.
Oh, sure. Where's a pen?
No, by her. I love your stuff.
Oh. Sure. I would love
to do that for you.
Look. Camille, I'm sorry.
I was just trying to get
one more big whiff of fame
before everyone forgets who I am.
No one would forget about
you. You're a legend.
Hmm. You're right.
Maybe I'll start my own network,
or buy an island.
Now, where is Ramesh with that whisky?
Hey, Mom? We're sorry for being late.
It's really cool you're an author.
And thanks for the 17 hours of labour
to bring us into this world.
You're welcome. You
two figure things out?
Forgiving is living.
Plus Dad bribed us with cash.
Love.
Right.
Home?
Sure. I'm starving.
Hey. Okay.
Surprise!
What is this?
A book launch do-over.
Chef deserves her favourite
guilty-pleasure meal.
Nashville hot chicken from Tony Clucks?
You know it.
Sorry we weren't there
for most of today.
Yeah, Mom, and we're all proud of you.
And I picked up some more bubbly.
I'm sorry I biffed it so hard today.
I'm proud of you, buddy.
I too am very proud of
everything you've accomplished.
Oh.
And I'm sorry for my behaviour today.
Even if today didn't
go exactly as planned,
I am really happy to have
you troublemakers by my side.
A toast to the chef slash author
slash babe of my dreams.
And, um, to Mom.
- Naniji.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- (GLASSES CLINKING)
Mmm.
Gloria's asking to pop by.
Absolutely not.
All right. Dibs on drumsticks.
- Mmm.
- Do we get dessert?