Tacoma FD (2019) s03e11 Episode Script

1
- Andy, you ready, buddy?
- Hurry up, guys.
We're gonna be late for the parade!
Okay. Relax, Andy.
The parade is not going anywhere.
I don't want to miss the floats.
Nah, we're okay, buddy.
Andy, why are you so pumped up?
Cause I love the Thanksgiving parade.
When I was a kid, I loved seeing
the engine go down the street.
You still sound like a little kid.
I don't know about all that,
but you could call me a card-carrying
Parade-ophile!
[CACKLES]
I'd be careful how you enunciate that.
Ike, come on. Let's get moving, hurry!
Okay, little buddy. We got lots of time.
You know the parade
route's just two blocks
- from here, right?
- Are we there yet?
- [LAUGHS]
- Are we there yet?
All right, we'll be there in a sec.
Just kidding. Are we there yet?
[ENGINE RUMBLES AND SPUTTERS]
[CLANKING AND RATTLING]
Oh!
[HISSING]
No, sir. This engine's going nowhere.
- No, no, not today.
- Aw, I'm sorry, Andy.
Well, why can't we throw
the truck in neutral?
I could ride on top, and
then the rest of you guys
could just push it
down the parade route.
We need to get the engine fixed
in case we get a call. Hey, Ike,
call the superintendent of apparatus.
Spatchcock? No!
- Chief, please.
- We need to get it fixed.
Chief, not Spatchcock.
- Not today!
- Ike, call him.
- Okay.
- [HUFFS]
- Andy, don't act like a baby.
- Okay. Go easy on him, Chief.
- He had his heart set on it.
- That's no reason to pout.
- Well, leave me alone!
- Hey!
You go cool off in the bunk room, pal.
Fine! Stupid engine
He'll be all right, poor fella.
- He just needs his nap.
- Hey, Andy,
just remember everything
you should be thankful for.
- Fuck you!
- Oh!
You watch that mouth, young man!
See what happens when
you give him juice?
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.
[FOREIGNER'S "HOT BLOODED"]
Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
Check it and see ♪
I got a fever of 103 ♪
Well, hopefully a blown-out engine
is the only problem you
guys have on Thanksgiving.
- What could be worse?
- Don't jinx us.
I predict three deep-fried
turkey fires today.
All right, well, now
that the parade's a bust,
I'm gonna head out to the family dinner.
- Oh, you're leaving, Chief?
- Are you sure you don't
want to hang out with us this year?
Nah, Vicky's working,
so I'm gonna join Lucy's sisters
over at their granddad's house.
Thanksgiving with the Commish.
I've spent a lifetime trying
to avoid my dad on this day.
- I'm glad I'm on duty.
- And I'm glad I'm not.
I'm gonna go change into my civvies
and get outta here before Spatchcock
- shows up to fix that engine.
- [ALL GROAN]
Ugh, Spatchcock is disgusting.
He's always covered in grease and muck
and he's always bleeding from somewhere.
Spatchcock is always going on and on
about some useless drivel. Ugh!
Spatchcock. He always
makes me feel like
it's my fault when anything breaks down.
All right. Well, have fun everyone.
We'll miss you deeply, Chiefy!
[QUIETLY] Nice acting job.
Even I believed you wanted
Chief to stick around.
Thank you. It really was
a masterclass, wasn't it?
I love him, but the best part
about working on Thanksgiving
is we get to do it our way,
not the Terry McConky way.
He can be a bit overbearing.
At home, he makes us wear Pilgrim hats,
play touch football,
eat all his lame dishes.
This is gonna be my first Thanksgiving
without all his rules,
and I am very excited.
Station Thanksgiving has no rules.
Now you're talking!
For dinner, we can make
whatever we want.
I'm making spaghetti pie.
I'm making turkey and
stuffing, but this year,
it's a free-range Narraganset turkey,
and I'm stuffing it with crab meat
stuffed inside a salmon.
Ooh, you're talking about turcrabmon?
I just read about that
in this November's issue
- of "Delicious AF."
- Yeah!
See, this is the Thanksgiving
I've always dreamed of.
Let's get it started
with a homemade onion dip.
Lucy, do me a favor and
chop some onions, please.
How am I already the onion bitch?
- Oh, yeah.
- I'm just glad that
I don't have to eat my
dad's yams this year.
I've been hiding them in my napkin
and flushing them down
the toilet for ten years.
But I love a good sweet potato pie.
Pretty sure they're different.
Sweet potatoes and
yams are the same thing.
No, actually guys, I think
all sweet potatoes are yams,
but not all yams are sweet potatoes.
Wrong!
A yam is not a yam at all.
They're all sweet potatoes. Ugh!
- Spatchcock.
- [THROUGH TEETH] Spatchcock.
In the 1930s, a farmer called
a soft, orange sweet potato a yam
to distinguish it from
other sweet potatoes.
But a real yam is a root vegetable
found in tropical climates.
So your yam is not a yam at all!
You got any duct tape?
I sliced my thumb on a fan blade.
Come on, Spatchcock.
Why don't you go wash that off, man?
- We can put a bandage on it.
- The tape's adhesive
binds with the motor
oil, creates a salve.
Most people don't know that.
Oh, thank you there, Crysie.
If only you could treat the
engine with as much care.
I didn't do anything to it, Spatchcock.
That's funny. Always seems
to happen on your watch.
Oh, dear Lord!
Young lady, you're
throwing away the best part.
[GROANS]
Up to 35% of the onion's vitamin C
accumulates on the ends.
Huh, no? Okay, suit yourself.
All right. Enjoy.
- She's an odd one, huh?
- Okay, Spatchcock.
The engine's outside. Get to work.
What, do you got yourself
a free-range bird there?
Definitely the worst type to buy.
Eventually, see, when
they do face death,
they release an adrenal fear hormone.
Makes the meat taste bitter.
Yeah. [SQUELCH]
[GAGS] Bitter.
Shut up, Spatchcock. The meat is great.
And don't you ever
touch my turkey again.
[GOBBLES]
Oh, the big mon!
How do you do?
Salutations, Chief.
Spatchcock, how's the engine?
Crystal did a number
on it, but I can fix it.
In the meantime, I
brought you a spare engine.
Fantastic. I gotta get going, sorry.
Hey, I like the ensemble.
You look like you stepped right out
of a Norman Rockwell painting.
Thank you very much. I appreciate that.
Yeah, interesting story.
At the beginning of World War I,
Norman Rockwell tries
to enlist in the Navy.
He gets rejected. Why?
- He's 17 pounds underweight.
- Fascinating
Now check this out. What's he do?
He bulks up for the next couple weeks
on a diet of donuts and bananas.
Now I don't think there
was anything sexual,
but we all have a dark side.
Pretty sure I know yours, Chief.
- Okay, pal.
- Great.
[QUIETLY] I'll show you
a masterclass in acting.
Enjoy!
Chief, are you sure you can't stay?
Oh, yeah, I gotta get to the Commish's
before they carve the bird.
Well, just know that Thanksgiving's
not gonna be the same without you.
Aw, don't cry.
My little girl doesn't want to be away
from her daddy on Thanksgiving.
What was I thinking?
Of course I'll stay.
I'm gonna spend the day
with my number-one girl.
Oh, whoa, whoa! Chief, Chief.
What about your other two daughters?
Eh, I'll just call 'em and
tell 'em I'm not gonna make it.
No, no, no. You don't wanna do that.
'Cause then they'll be upset
[STAMMERS]
- Yeah, Lucy will be fine.
- I'm fine. I'm just
- You know, I'm chopping onions.
- I know you're fine.
'Cause I'm staying.
I wonder if I have those Pilgrim hats
still in my office.
Poorly played, Lucy.
You go get rid of him right now.
- Okay, all right. I'm sorry.
- [ALARM BLARING]
Station 24, 448 Reed Boulevard.
Kitchen fire from a deep-fried turkey.
When we get back, you're
getting rid of him.
[HAMMERING]
That turkey exploded like it
was stuffed with fireworks.
No salmonella there.
That bird was overcooked.
Spatchcock, how's it going down there?
Hope you're done soon
'cause that loaner sucks
compared to my baby here.
Yeah, how much longer? [CRANKING]
Hey, Spatchcock, you hear me?
Spatchie?
- Whoa! What the hell?
- Oh!
[CRANKING CONTINUES]
Uh-huh. Thought so.
Oops! Ah, busted.
Just helping myself to
some of your delicacies.
That's my French onion dip.
Oui, oui. Could use a bit more onion.
- That's a double dip?
- Yeah.
Plenty for everybody.
Spatchcock, your blood
is in the bowl, man!
Is it blood, or food coloring?
It's blood.
- Let's go watch some football.
- Ugh!
- Yeah.
- Yeah, get out of here.
Busy, busy.
[SIGHS]
[TV CHATTER]
Hey, Chief, we were
gonna watch some football.
Lucy knows the routine.
Parade first, then football.
Don't worry. I taped the game.
Why didn't you tape the parade
and watch the game live?
Parades are way better live!
Andy, you love parades!
I love riding in parades.
Watching a parade on TV
is for little kids and psychopaths.
- Hey, simmer down, pal.
- What?
Here's Buzz Lightyear.
He's in that toy movie.
About the story about the toys.
I can't remember the name of it.
Be careful with those ropes!
He might really fly away.
Man, I bet my little
sisters are so bummed
they don't get to watch
the parade with you this year.
No, I talked to them; they're
fine with me being here.
You guys, let's get cleaned up
and get ready for the Turkey giveaway.
Hey, the cast of
"King Kong: The Musical"
- is on after the commercial.
- Uh-huh.
- Okay.
- What's that?
It's my carving set.
I brought it for
dinner at the Commish's,
but now I'm just gonna use it here.
[BLADE SCRAPING]
- I carve the turkey here.
- Not when I'm around.
I carve the turkey. It's tradition.
Terry, this isn't your house.
I'm carving the turkey here.
I'm the Chief. I carve
the turkey, Captain.
[CHUCKLES]
Super sharp.
Uncle Eddie, I tried.
Well, try harder. Because there's no way
he's gonna stab my turcrabmon!
You guys, man.
He's making engine
pizza out of our scraps.
Hey, Spatchcock, you know you can use
the stove inside, if you want.
Thanks, Granny, but
actually I prefer this.
It's a technique my wife taught me.
She was a long-haul trucker.
Cooked many a-engine pizza in her days.
Okay
You guys, we should invite him
to stay with us for dinner.
No way! Are you kidding me? No.
Yeah, he can have dinner with his wife.
Haven't you seen "Planes,
Trains and Automobiles"?
- His wife's probably dead!
- I haven't seen it.
- And you just ruined it.
- I'm serious.
His wife's probably dead.
He's probably very alone right now.
You're right. My wife is dead.
Oh, you I'm sorry, man.
- You could hear us?
- Yeah, I hear everything.
She died a couple years back.
Logging accident.
- Yes, it was her fault.
- Hey, man.
Look, we're really
sorry to hear about that.
And with that being said,
we'd like to invite you
to join us for dinner.
You're sweeter than
a honeycrisp, Granny,
but, uh, actually already have plans
with my girlfriend.
Who's a model.
Yeah, and her twin sister,
and we're gonna probably hot tub
and, uh, shave each other.
Okay, cool. See? He's not available.
He's gonna be in a
hot tub with two twins
and they're gonna shave each other.
Keep an eye on the pizza.
I'm gonna go steal some cheese
from that spa-gah-ti pie.
Spa-gah-ti! That's how you say it.
It's obvious that he has too much pride
to admit that he has nowhere to go.
I say, over the course of the day,
we secretly break
equipment for him to fix,
and then, by the time he's done,
it'll be easy for him to stay.
- Pfft, lame!
- Hey.
Why don't you grow up and start thinking
about other people instead
of yourself, mister?
Okay, listen. I'll do it.
But only because I like breaking stuff.
- Scatter! Hurry, scatter!
- What?
Hurry! Come on! Go, go, go!
He's coming. He's coming.
Hey, who's ready for some football?
Chief, right now isn't a good time.
- Hey, Captain, button hook.
- Come on, Terry.
My hands are covered with Crisco.
I'm going long.
Come on. Whip it.
- Dad! Dad!
- What are you doing?
- ALL: Oh!
- Dad, are you okay?
- Hey. Hey, man.
- I'm okay.
Hey, touchdown! [SIGHS]
Okay. I didn't hurt my back,
so I consider that a victory.
How about that flattened
turkey down there?
This one? Oh, boy.
Oh, yeah. It's a little squished, huh?
It'll be okay. Just rub some dirt in it.
Right, guys? Hey!
All right, who's up?
Somebody go for a pass.
- Oh, shit. My back.
- All right, I'll go.
Here you go Oh, fuck.
- You making mashed potatoes?
- Mm-hmm.
You know the key to
good mashed potatoes?
Butter. The more butter, the better.
That's what I always say.
I'm not making traditional
mashed potatoes.
This recipe calls for soy
milk and parmesan cheese.
Ah, gross.
You stir like a caveman.
- Is that crab meat?
- Yes.
- In your stuffing?
- Yes.
- Crab meat stuffing?
- You know,
if you don't like it,
you don't have to eat it.
We should try Stove Top.
Oh, God. What are you, six years old?
You've never let us have it before,
and I've always wanted to try it.
Let me tell you something:
stuffing is a delicacy,
and it deserves delicious accents
like pecans or figs.
Ooh, or apples!
I'm gonna get you apples.
I would hide that turkey right now.
He's gonna give you ten
suggestions on how to cook it.
And that's before he sees
that you've stuffed it
with salmon and crab.
Get rid of him!
Well, I couldn't find any apples,
but I got raisins.
Next best thing, right?
Dad, maybe you should let
him make what he wants.
This looks like leftover
night at the United Nations.
Dad, if you want a
traditional Thanksgiving,
then go over to Grandpa's house.
We don't have any of that stuff here.
Oh, I do. It's in my truck.
I was gonna bring it to
your granddad's house.
Go out to my truck. I got canned corn,
canned cranberries, canned gravy.
Oh, and your favorite, canned yams, huh?
Go ahead. Quick like a bunny.
Meanwhile, I'm gonna raisin this up.
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm adding raisins.
The more wrinkled the
raisin, the sweeter the fruit.
You pick those out of there right now.
[CLATTERING]
Why am I the one that
needs to squeeze back here?
Because you're smaller than we are.
If we sabotage the air ducts,
then maybe I'll do it, okay?
Just don't be a baby about it, Andy.
- [EXPLOSION]
- [YELPS]
Ooh, busted.
Washing machine down.
Good job, little buddy.
You made that washer unusable.
I'm gonna go tell Spatchcock.
Chief. Hey, Chief, Chief.
Chief, Chief, Chief, Chief.
You know, if they really
wanna fix football,
they ought to hang a
tire from the goal post.
If you kick the ball
through it, 75 points.
That'd be a game.
Don't you have something to go fix?
Trying to fix football.
Hey, Spatchcock.
Our washing machine is acting up.
You think you could take a look at it?
You guys are a bunch of clowns.
Right on.
Okay, all right.
Okay, Jesus.
You should trim the ends of those beans.
Adds more flavor.
We need this guy outta here.
He's gonna ruin our whole day.
Station 24.
Fire at 3002 Pembroke Avenue.
Deep-fried turkey accident.
Hey, sorry. I'd join
you, but I'm off-duty.
And I just cracked number two.
Yeah, I can tell by your bar tan.
Don't worry. You just relax.
And do me a favor and man
the turkey giveaway table
- while we're gone.
- Will do.
Oh, come on. He jumped.
He jumped!
There you go. That's a heavy one.
15-pounder. Happy holiday, sir.
Thank you.
Hi, how are ya?
Hmm.
Looks a little banged up, huh?
Maybe we could find you another one.
I'm not sure if maybe
Oh, I got one over here.
Ah, look at this.
Oh, it's heavy.
- Hey, keep the pan.
- Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Don't you worry, my flat friend.
We will find a home for you.
Okay.
Gonna watch some football!
Ooh, baby! Gotta tell you.
That repaired engine was
purring like a kitten.
It felt great.
Thanks, Crystal. Let's keep it that way.
Yeah, you bet.
Hoo-hoo!
Can't wait to get my bird in the oven.
Where's my turkey?
Might wanna ask the Chief.
Nobody cooks my turkey but me.
Oh, brother.
Time out, time out.
Call timeout! Come on.
- Where's my turkey?
- What turkey?
Spatchcock says you took it.
Speaking of turkeys,
when's that guy gonna leave?
- What's this?
- Oh, that's a smushed one.
I figured we could use it to round out
our traditional Thanksgiving dinner.
I bought an expensive,
free-range, Narraganset turkey,
and I had it out there on the app floor.
- What happened to it?
- That's where we keep
the giveaways.
Why would you put it there?
- So you wouldn't mess with it.
- Well, you should've put it
somewhere else. It's gone.
But I stuffed it with crab and salmon.
Sounds gross. That woman's
gonna be bummed.
[CHUCKLES] Tape ain't gonna cut it
for a big head like me.
I need my stapler.
Enough is enough. It's time
to just come out and tell him.
What am I supposed to say?
He is ruining our Thanksgiving.
Pfft, Spatchcock.
But he's my dad. I can't just tell him
we don't want him around.
Did you know that the guys are actually
trying to get Spatchcock to stay?
Spatchcock? Why?
They think it'd be a good gesture.
[CHUCKLES] Think of the irony of that.
Trying to get the Chief to leave
and Spatchcock to stay.
Who woulda thunk it? [LAUGHTER]
All right. I'll tell him.
Okay.
Dad.
No, look. Can I can I explain?
Dad, hold on.
- Dad, wait.
- Gotta go.
Gonna be late for
dinner with your sisters.
Dad, come on.
Dad.
Hey, can we just talk?
Dad?
- I can't hear you.
- Okay, okay.
Well, can you roll the window down?
I can't roll the window down.
I thought you couldn't hear me.
[GRUMBLES]
I just had this truck serviced.
Dad, please stay.
Shouldn't you be saying
that to Spatchcock?
Sounds like he's the
one you want to stay.
I'm sorry. I should've
said something sooner.
I love your traditions, but this was
my first Station Thanksgiving
and I was excited about it.
Because it was mine, and, you know,
I get to be one of the guys.
Well, why'd you cry when I was leaving?
Because I was chopping onions.
Let that be a lesson to you.
- Only use canned onions.
- Dad
You know, I was excited for
your first Station Thanksgiving too.
- Please stay.
- I know where I'm not welcome.
Dad!
Dad.
Seriously?
This turkey is bullshit.
There's no cavity anymore.
It could never have held
a crab-stuffed salmon.
I don't think it's bullshit.
I think it's gonna be
a delicious turcrabmon,
even if it's not stuffed with
salmon and crab or whatever.
It won't be turcrabmon without it.
That's what the "crab" and the "mon"
- in the name means.
- Oh, right.
Ah, man. Yeah, we thought it was, like,
named after the guy who invented it,
like Ignatius Turcrabmon, or something.
- Who's "we"?
- We all did.
- How'd it go?
- Not great.
Yo, the washing machine is fixed,
but I don't see Spatchcock anywhere.
[DOOR OPENS]
Room for one more?
- Yes.
- ALL: Hey!
Yeah, man. Get in here!
Hey, how about another?
- You know it!
- ALL: Yeah.
[ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE]
The Cock!
Why does Spatchcock get
to sit at the big table
and I have to sit here all by myself?
Shh, stop. Because he's our guest.
Do you wanna have our
guest sit alone over here?
- Yeah.
- Hey, cut it out.
[GLASS CLINKING]
Excuse me. Listen up, listen up.
So I know I can be a
bit of a buttinsky
- Come on!
- No.
- No.
- Yes, absolutely.
But I was hoping that
you guys could tolerate
one more Thanksgiving tradition.
I would love to go around the table
and hear what everyone's thankful for.
Okay? I'll go first, I'll go first.
All right, I am grateful
that you guys put up with me
for being, um,
a tiny bit micromanage-y.
But just so you know, it's
for your own good, okay?
And that's it.
- I got one, guys.
- Oh, okay.
Things that I am thankful for:
good health, uh,
learning from my mistakes,
the kindness of strangers
Ike, what what's this?
I read an article about
things to be thankful for
and wrote them down.
Do it from the heart.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
Um, of course.
Uh, just off the top of my head,
uh, things that I am
personally thankful for:
beautiful mountain streams, the ocean,
- ladybugs, sisterhood
- Okay. Let me
From the heart.
Uh [CLEARS THROAT]
Spoons. Like, clean spoons.
A lot of countries don't have
Actually don't have clean spoons.
Hey, Ike. Hey, hey, hey, buddy.
Guess what? I'm thankful
for Spatchcock joining us.
Joining us. That's what
Thank you, Granny.
Wow, okay.
I would say there are probably
36 or 37 things I'm
grateful for this year.
[LAUGHTER]
Okay, number one:
Hirschman Engineering
came out with a new line
of ball bearings this past summer.
Now, as you know,
Hirschman's typically known
for their rod ends
or their axial shafts.
And so, when they came
out with ball bearings,
there was a bunch of us
online just having a chitchat,
going, "Can you believe what
they just dropped on us?"
'Cause Hirschman owns the
patents on 45 truck parts.
- Of those 45 truck parts
- Hi, Bernie.
We've been thinking about you all day.
Sorry, gang. I know you
really had your heart set
on me staying for dinner,
but these lovely ladies
really, really wanna have me for dinner.
Little something to go.
- Ugh!
- Thanks.
Chief, one more thing.
I took these out of your truck.
My spark plugs.
Yeah, I didn't want you to get away
without having a chance
to talk to your daughter.
How did you
I hear everything.
All right, ladies.
Do your worst. Uh-oh.
[CHUCKLES] I'm about to get punished.
I did not see that coming.
Awoo!
Lates! [LAUGHS]
Whoo!
This is how "Planes, Trains
and Automobiles" ends?
Not exactly, but damn,
I thought he was lying.
All right, enough. Let's eat.
- Yes!
- Sounds great.
I'm gonna let the Captain
carve the flat turkey.
Oh, what an honor!
Station 24, a fire
at 707 Commerce Drive.
It's a fried turkey fire, again.
Move it out.
I'll hold down the fort,
keep the food warm.
Finally, dinner!
- Whoo, baby!
- Ooh, yeah.
Whoa. Where's all the food?
It's all gone!
Who ate all this?
Terry McConky.
It actually doesn't look half bad.
Yeah, I like the outside-the-box
thinking.
Hey, Andy, why don't you
slide that pizza around?
That part's not cooked over there.
Why me?
'Cause I bet you'd be good at it.
[SIZZLING]
- ALL: Aw!
- Andy.
Come on. Pay attention, pal!
Do it yourself next time!
Hey, buddy. Come here.
Poor guy's just having a rough day.
[ENGINE POPS]
Ah, crap. I hate to say it,
but I think we're gonna
have to call Spatchcock.
[BOTH GROAN]
Did it stink? You betcha!
[LAUGHTER]
Spatchie, you're hysterical.
- [PHONE RINGING]
- Oh!
Hey, Granny. How you doing?
Okay, I'll be right there.
Sorry, ladies. Duty calls.
But Spatchles, Pete
Carroll's coming over,
and we're supposed to have a six-way.
It's not gonna take too long.
Just keep the water hot
and the champagne cold.
Spatchie, will you do the trick
one more time before you leave?
I really gotta go.
ALL: Please, please, please,
please, please, please!
- Okay.
- ALL: Yay!
All right.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[ALL CHEERING]