The Almighty Johnsons (2011) s03e11 Episode Script
A Bit Like Buses Really
- Don't go down that road.
- What road? - The Odin road.
- Ullr is Odin by another name.
the true Odin.
I will find her before you will because I can find anything.
- This is her.
- This is little Frigg.
Hi, Dawn.
Don't you ever pull that Bragi shit with me again.
We don't bring mortals in whenever we feel like it because pretty soon, we will be the freaks that everyone knows about and we will be hunted out of existence! How dare you play that card when you're just as bad.
When you decided that you could determine with your goddess power who will live and who will die, who you will save and who you leave to die, I am sorry, Michelle, but you left me way behind.
Michelle: No.
(Gasps) - You are not him.
- Who? Odin.
I am.
You are history, Mike.
History!! Zeb: Dude, I'm telling you, he knows where she is.
I saw it in his eyes.
When he looked at that photo of her as a little girl, that he knew exactly where to find her.
It was all the clues he needed.
He's going after her, man.
He's making his move.
So, what if he finds her first? What's he going to do then, eh? Hold her hostage? Kill her? In your family, I wouldn't rule out anything.
I am Odin! He isn't! She's mine, not his.
End of story.
(Keys jangling) Strictly speaking, I thought neither of you were Odin.
My understanding of the prophesy was that when you found Frigg, you'd become Odin.
No.
All the signs say I was Odin and I will get my powers when I found Frigg.
- Okay, bit of a fine line right there.
- No, it isn't.
I am Odin.
He's not.
Big fat line right down the middle, Zeb.
And I will find her today.
Guaranteed.
Oh, you're sure of that, are you? Yep 'cause I have a plan.
I hope it's a good one 'cause there's sure as hell nothing stopping him.
What the fuck? I need to know we're on the same page about this.
Is this the page where Mike has spun out and finally disappeared up his own ass where he's apparently quite enjoying the view? Axl: Yes.
I'm on that page, yes.
Good.
Ty? Uh, I'm having trouble getting my head around where he's coming from, yeah.
But you're still on my side, right? - I'm always on your side, Axl.
- Bam.
Grandpa? - Just say he's off his nut, Grandpa.
- Just remind me, has Mike actually said to anyone that he believes he's Odin? - Yes.
- When? In my vision.
- Right.
- Hey, I'm not the mad one here.
- I'm not saying you are.
- Look, he destroyed Yggdrasil.
That's not the act of a sane man.
No, but it's the act of a man with strong moral beliefs.
Okay, he may not have said it out loud yet but I know what he's thinking.
Yes, possibly because you're the one that put the thought in there.
Whether or not he said it out loud, is there any chance it could be true? No! Because on my 21st birthday, I became the living incarnation of Odin.
Not him.
Axl, whether you like it or not, it's a question that needs to be asked.
- Not really.
- Okay, on the one hand and so you don't shoot the messenger, Axl, yes, all the signs pointed to you being the All Father.
You ticked all the boxes.
Good for you.
Yeah, Mike ticked precisely no boxes unless they're marked: egotistical, pompous and deluded.
No, Mike ticks the box labelled Ullr, which in this case, is significant-- Is this this Danish myth that Zeb was banging on about? Yeah.
Who cares about Denmark? Denmark sucks.
There are stories, there are always stories, but of much more importance is the notion that you can have all the signs in the world but the true Odin is determined by his actions.
Like finding his beloved.
Olaf: That would be a good action to start with.
One in which Mike has a considerable advantage, apparently.
It doesn't matter because Anders and I are going to go and find her.
Yeah? Yep.
(Slam) (Knocking) (Door creaks) Hi.
I'm looking for the woman that lives here.
No.
No.
(Slam) (Knocking) All wrong.
Go away! Oh, I'm not wrong.
I know she lives here.
Not for you.
(Slam) (Creaking) (Whoosh) (Thunder rumbling) Hey.
Mike? (Street din) (Laughs softly) Are you okay? Right at this moment, I'm unsure.
How did you get in here? Um, the front door was unlocked.
Michelle and her chainsaw were just leaving.
I take it things aren't so good between you and her.
Haven't you heard? I'm the man everyone loves to hate.
Yeah.
I had heard actually.
Are you okay? Again, I'm unsure.
I also hear you think you're Odin.
What? You Odin? Is that true? Have you been talking to Axl? Among everyone else.
Would it be so bad if it was true? No.
I'm sure you'd make a fine Odin.
Except for one thing.
You're not him.
Unless you believe the stories.
- Oh, you know the stories? - Yeah, well, Michelle's mother, she made some cryptic comments so I did my research, okay? Ullr, it means glory, you know? Wuldor Ullr Alwealda, Glorious All-Ruler.
So you can begin to understand why to some, the two of us were kind of interchangeable.
Kind of makes the assumed order not so carved in stone when you think about it like that.
What were you expecting? That I'd be this tear-stained mess curled up on the couch eating junk food, listening to Adele.
I know I would be.
- But I'm not you, Ingrid.
- Ingrid: That is so true.
So instead, you have his car crushed and delivered back to him.
Amongst other things.
Personally, the chainsawing of his stupid football table was more satisfying.
More hands-on.
Okay, I have nothing but respect for you right now.
Thank you, Stacey.
Have you even cried? I don't know how this has escaped your attention, Ingrid, but I am not the crying kind.
Everyone's the crying kind.
It's just some people don't admit it.
- Not me.
- More the revenge-y kind.
He wants to turn downstairs into a man cave, right? But would you believe how hard it is to find someone willing to dump a truck load of boulders at his front door so he has to tunnel into his cave? You're putting a lot of thought into this, aren't you? I have little else to think about.
And it keeps the tears at bay.
If anyone is crying, it should be you, Ingrid.
When that stick was destroyed, didn't the first source of income you've had in a very long time go with it? I'm very aware of that.
Thank you.
Yesterday was proof, ladies, gods are pricks and none of them are worth our tears.
(Birds twittering) So, you're crystal clear on what you have to do? - Oh, I hate these places.
They give me the creeps.
- Anders, forget that.
They remind me of my own mortality.
I don't need that kind of pressure.
- Anders.
- Yeah, I know.
Go inside, sweet-talk whoever, get the patient information on this Frederick Larson dude, get the address for next-of-kin and come straight back out.
Don't treat me like I'm retarded.
No, I'm treating you like someone who's easily distracted.
That's just as bad.
It's possibly worse.
It's like saying I'm ADH.
.
HDHD.
No, except for that tiny part of you that lives in your pants.
Okay, you used the word tiny.
Right there, that's just cruel.
If it comes down to a vote of who's the real Odin, - I'm going to remember that.
- Axl: Just go.
- Yes, new dad.
- And no distractions.
- In God's waiting room? - I mean it.
(Birds singing) Ah, excuse me.
Okay, it could have been life or death.
Don't worry about it.
Hi.
Can I help you? Hi.
Hello.
Yes.
Yes.
Uh, yes, you can in two ways.
The second is you can give me your phone number.
The first is I need to see the patient information on a Frederick Larson.
Can you do that for me? Can you dig out his file? No.
What? I'm a student nurse.
This is my first morning on placement.
They haven't even shown me where the files are yet.
- Oh, right.
- But I can give you my phone number, and maybe my sister can show you the file.
- Sorry? - My sister.
She works here.
Hi.
Can I help you? Unfulfilled fantasy number 2, identical twin nurses.
Damn you, universe, did you really have to do this to me? Now? (Door slams) (Door rattling) (Knocking) Man: Go away.
Who are you? Go.
Away.
- Mike: I know she's in there.
- There's no one here for you.
Mike: Listen, whoever you are, I just want to talk to her.
Man: No.
No.
I know all about you and what you really want.
Mike: Yeah? You and every other bugger apparently.
If you know everything about me, you'll know that I will find her sooner or later.
You can't stop me.
(Lock rasping) (Click) (Creaking) You're her brother, that boy in the photo.
This is not the way it's meant to happen.
Not how what's meant to happen? She went into her room.
(Door squeaking) Hello? (Whoosh) Ah, son of a bitch! - Hello to you too.
- Not you.
I love what you done with the place.
- It wasn't me.
- Not an Odin-fuelled fit of rage? Michelle in a Michelle-fuelled fit of rage.
Okay, I can see that.
But do you dig the subtle way I had of bringing it up? Just for the record, Grandpa, Axl is the one running around telling everyone that I'm Odin.
It's not me.
No, he's telling everyone you think you're Odin.
What if the cap fits? - You know all the stories.
- Stories.
Stories.
Suddenly, everyone's interested in the stories.
I remember all the signs.
The signs, Michael, that said Axl is the man.
Stories, signs.
It would help if we were dealing in facts, eh? Like if someone found the Frigg so she could say, "Yep, him.
He's the one.
" I guess that would help.
Have you found her? Tell me if this rings a bell.
I step through a doorway but the moment I set foot on the other side, pop, I'm somewhere else, miles away.
It very much depends on who's just gone through the door.
Who's standing on the other side of the door? One of our kind, obviously.
Seems you've met Heimdallr.
Our guardian.
Not necessarily our guardian but the guardian of something - or someone.
- How does he do it, his door thing? Heimdallr can move between realms and between places within those realms.
And if he so chooses, he can send any poor, unfortunate anywhere he wants.
How do I get past him? Well, don't ever go through the same door as him would be my first answer.
And your second piece of advice? Stay well away from him because Heimdallr is the god who sees all and hears all and all these different realms 'cause human-sized brain can't cope with the information overload.
So inevitably, he is barking mad.
If Heimdallr's sending you back here then he's going easy on you.
So do not piss him off.
What if he pisses me off? (Birds chirping) What took so long? Hey, things are twice as complicated as expected so less of the attitude.
- You got distracted, didn't you? - You know, I resent what you're insinuating, Axl.
There were complex negotiations to be negotiated and to achieve a happy result for all concerned, - well, it takes time.
- Ah, okay.
Your fly's undone.
Shit.
Axl: Please tell me you at least got an address.
Mission accomplished, Axl.
Next of kin is listed at Martin Larson and that's his address.
Yeah, must be the brother.
I was hoping it would be her.
But we are one significant step closer, my lord.
So next time you seek to question my methodology, just remember, there's more than one Odin to choose from these days.
Don't be a dick, Anders.
- You're sure this is the address? - I wrote it down myself.
You coming? Axl, you know I have deep - seeded issues about places like this.
You mean the issue where you're a pussy who needs to man up? The issue where I have a phobia about mentally challenged people in closed spaces.
You are such a wuss.
I'll look after the car.
(Knocking) (Door creaking) (Squeaking) (Whoosh) Can't make it any easier.
It's not in the rules.
Any luck? - Not really.
- Oh well, worth a crack.
Hey, um, something's popped up and I'm going to have to leave you to it.
Something more important than our sacred quest? That's hard to say but if I don't tend to it soon, well, I just need to attend to it.
So you're just going to ditch me here? No, no, no.
I could drop you anywhere you like, as long as it's not too far away.
Fine, whatever.
Just drive.
I know where to get to next.
(Tires screeching) Weren't you considerably less clothed last time I saw you? It's called bait, Anders.
It's what you use to reel in a dumb animal.
I think of it as false advertising.
Don't worry.
You're still at the top of my list.
Your "people I must annoy today" list? My revenge fuck list.
I believe it's traditional in this situation I now find myself as the scorned woman to fuck a friend or sibling to get back at the prick who dumped me.
Given that Mike has no friends, that leaves the three of you.
And I've already done Axl and have no need to go back.
And Ty has a girlfriend and morality is so too much hard work.
So that leaves you.
Oh.
Well, glad I passed your stringent criteria.
Not really.
You want it too much.
Mike would totally expect it, which takes all the revenge out of it.
And that's the fun bit.
What do you want, Michelle? Apart from making my penis want to crawl inside my body and never come out? And wouldn't that be doing the world a service? I want my 175 grand.
- Pardon me? - My share of the money you have.
Um, by my math, it's 100 grand, as in half of 200 grand.
No.
You agreed to bring in the 50 grand client, 25 each.
Anything above that, logically, that money is mine.
Also, you screwed up my life and I'm not happy with you.
Hm.
I'm sorry, but your logic's not very logical seeing as the money's in my bank account.
- Our business account.
- Under my name.
Don't fuck with me, Anders.
I'm not very well disposed to your family right now.
Really? Why? 'Cause Mad Mike ditched you in search of a newer model? Look, I'm sorry that rejection stings but I thought you'd be happy to be clear of Mr.
Popularity.
What newer model? Oh, you don't know, do you? Know what? Oh, no.
Oh, no, this is too good.
Know what, Anders? Well, the word is that Mike is setting himself up as the new Odin.
Mike is out there now, even as we do our little dance here, trying to find Frigg so he can keep her all to himself.
So before you come over here accusing me of screwing up your life, Michelle, maybe you should be asking yourself the real reason that Mike got so bent out of shape over a stupid stick.
Maybe to free himself up so he can go after who he truly desires? So who's a dumb animal now, Michelle? Look, I wouldn't completely rule out the revenge fuck idea though.
Did have merit.
(Whoosh) (Gasp) No.
(Whoosh) You shouldn't be in here.
Heimdallr.
You know who I am.
- But who are you? - I'm Ullr.
Exactly.
Nothing more.
You want to play games, mate? I can play all day.
It's not a game.
It's never a game.
It's too important, which is why you need to stop all of this.
You're making it all wrong.
You have to listen to me.
There are so many things that could go wrong because of you, too much at stake for games.
You hear me?! You hear? - Game on.
- It's not.
No game.
- What's your name? I'm Michael.
- I know your name.
Well then you have an unfair advantage in this game.
It's not a game.
The thing I don't quite get is all my senses are telling me she's here but - she's not.
- So you need to go.
So I guess you've done your little trick on her.
- It's not a trick.
- Where have you sent her to? Never telling.
She's not the one for you.
Nor you for her.
Mate, I can play this game all day.
It's not a game.
- It feels like one to me.
- It's not a game because it's not a game.
Two people have to agree to a game, and I do not agree.
(Scuffling) Oh, you Prick! Say my name.
Heimdallr.
And do you know what Heimdallr can do to you? Where I can send you? I can send you bad places.
Why haven't you? Because you're needed.
But you're not needed that much.
Needed for what? (Door rattling) (Creak) (Whoosh) Fuck! (Both gasp) Bastard.
Heimdallr again? Yeah, he keeps sending me back here.
Well, lucky you.
It's better than the realm of the ice giants.
He said I was needed for something.
Well clearly it's not for finding Frigg.
Yeah, obviously, so, what? No idea.
Maybe he just admires your enthusiasm.
(Sighs) Oh, you've got a visitor.
- Who? - The ghost of your recent past.
Are you here with or without your chainsaw? I need to know.
- What? - The real reason.
For what? Why we broke up? Did you dump me so you could go after her? Frigg.
Did you feel the need, Mike, to trade up in the goddess department? We've been seeking Frigg a long time.
Nothing has changed.
Bullshit! You used to be after her for your brother.
Now you want her for yourself to sit beside you on your throne as the new Odin.
I've never claimed to be Odin.
I've never said the words, "I am Odin.
" This teeny tiny fact seems to have escaped everyone's attention here.
You don't need to say the words, Mike, because we all know you think them.
We all get that you think you're bigger than us.
So you can drop the fucking hypocrisy and answer the question! Did you want me out of the way so you could go after her? We ended because you turned everything toxic, you and your bloody stick.
Playing your power games, messing with the natural order.
Now I couldn't stand by and let that happen.
But, hey where's the hypocrisy in that? Why are you looking for her, Mike? You know why; because we need to find her.
Axl needs to find her, not you.
Well I'm better at finding things than he is.
Right there.
Right there, Mike, there is the hypocrisy.
Because you think you're better at everything than Axl, up to and including being a better Odin.
Now who's messing with the natural order? You and I finished because you made it impossible to go on.
I'm sorry if that truth doesn't sit with you, Michelle, but it is the truth! I hope you find her and I hope she rejects you, and I hope that really fucking hurts.
By the way, if you look in your wardrobe, you'll find the chainsaw works on clothes as well.
I'll bet it does.
(Sighs) Ingrid: Oh, oh, I recognize this place.
Really? Is there some significance to do with Frigg? I've no idea.
I stayed in places exactly this once upon a time, in my wilderness years.
Well, wild years anyway.
Up here.
Take your time, Ingrid.
We're not in any hurry.
Come on, Ingrid! Yggdrasil only ever brought out what was inside you.
(Laughs) It's lovely of you to say so, Axl, but so not true.
I know you can do it.
I believe in you, Snotra.
Thank you, my lord Odin.
Okay.
Okay, Ingrid, think positive, not negative and see where you can go, see where you can go.
Heimdallr.
You mentioned him the other day.
- It's from the "Eda.
" - The what-a? "Widely I saw over all the worlds, loud blows.
Heimdallr.
The horn is aloft.
" - No mention of Frigg? - No.
- So what does it mean.
- That's a good question.
Is Heimdallr her brother, Martin? Ah, and a sensible conclusion.
You're on fire today.
Yeah, thanks.
So, any idea what Heimdallr and the horn means? Well, there's the Ragnarok reference obviously.
- Ragnarok? - Yeah, Heimdallr blowing his horn like a referee starting a tennis match.
Is this to say Ragnarok is kicking off? Or it's an affirmation.
A what? A little pick-me-up for him to see when he wakes up every morning.
I used to write all sorts of affirmations all over my walls.
During your wilderness years.
Okay, Ingrid, we might just leave that one for now.
What about this? I thought it must also be a clue.
Indeed, it does look very clue-ish.
So what do you think it means? "Vilive.
" No, it's Vili and Ve.
- And they are? - Odin's brothers in the Asgard times.
Oh, right.
And what do they have to do with it? With your quest, not a lot, although they both slept with Frigg.
That's not a sign of what's going to happen, is it? That we find her and she sleeps with my brothers? One brother in particular.
I want to say no, but we can't rule anything out, especially if he finds her first.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I need to borrow you for a while.
- Uh, now not the greatest time.
- Can't wait for another time, I'm afraid.
Actually, honey, can you ask Mike in? He's kind of to do with what we were just talking about.
Come in.
Do we have to do this now? Oh yes.
(Door bangs) Hi, Dawn.
What's the problem? Ty tells me there's a whole lot of stuff going on with the Frigg thing.
- You could say that.
- And from what little I understand, if you find this woman and she and Odin, whoever that may be, hook up, then suddenly you're all fully blown Norse gods again.
Am I right? That's as far as we can make out.
So what exactly does this mean for Ty and I, Mike? My boyfriend, "the god of darkness" doesn't sound good to me.
Does it sound good to you? No.
Yeah, we like to keep our house at a balmy -30 and pitch black because my boyfriend, Ty, oh, he's Hod.
You know, the god of all things cold and dark.
(Chuckles) Yeah, what fun we have round our place.
in the cold and in the dark.
I'm sure it won't come to that, Dawn.
(Laughs) Oh, are you? Are you sure, Mike? Because what I've gleaned thus far is you guys know fuck all.
About anything.
Hell, you can't even sort out who is or isn't Odin and is therefore meant to be running the show.
There's this thing here we need to do, Dawn.
We don't get a lot of say in it because it's something we have to do.
It's the reason the god part of us exists.
Odin and Frigg, us getting our full powers, absolutely right.
We don't really know what is going to happen.
But this day was always going to come.
We're gods, like it or not.
And all we can do is embrace it and have faith that when it does happen we can somehow control it.
And I believe with all my heart, Dawn that somehow you and Ty will be fine because you sure as hell deserve it after all the shit you've been through.
Yet still the words "don't really know what's going to happen" are ringing in my ears.
Can't change that.
But I still need to borrow Ty.
I need alcohol.
I'm glad I could be of some use after all.
- Did you catch up with the new Odin? - I don't want to talk about him.
- Oh.
Has he found his new girlfriend yet? - I don't want to talk about her.
If you don't want to talk about them, why are you here? Being cruel about Mike is where we do some of our finest work.
- I'm ready.
- For what? My revenge fuck.
In fact I think I've more than earned it.
Gosh, wow, I'm flattered to be chosen.
Yeah, you should be.
Traditionally however the revenge fuck is only revenge if the ex-significant other finds out about it.
What.
Are you scared he actually is Odin and will smite you? Yeah, right.
I just want to make sure that he will find out about it.
Eventually, when his dreams of glory are in the dust and it will feel like the kick to the scrotum he deserves.
Good to see you haven't over thought this.
So up for the job.
Wow, definitely yes.
I mean, unfulfilled fantasy number 3.
Quite a day.
I'm one of your unfulfilled fantasies? - Yeah, are you flattered? - At being number 3.
Two actually.
You just got bumped up the list.
I'm sure we can bump it up to number one.
Oh.
Perky.
(Rustling) What about "live iv.
"? Axl: Meaning what? IV is short for intravenously, so maybe this refers to something that lives in the bloodstream.
- Like a virus.
- Maybe.
And that helps us find Frigg how? Not at all.
What if they aren't letters, but numbers? Like Roman numerals.
So E for in Roman numerals? - Nothing.
- Zero.
No, nothing, as in it's not a Roman numeral.
- Oh, bugger.
- What if it's a mix of both? Live 4.
IV is Roman for 4, right? I remember that from the Led Zeppelin album.
So this is saying there's something to live for.
- Oh, that's nice.
- Yeah.
And what's this thing we're supposed to be living for? I don't know.
It might help if you did.
Yeah, well, it might help if you could actually be, you know, of help; if you were thinking rather than just monging out.
That's harsh.
Yeah, well, it's true.
Man, I've worked my ass off for you to become Odin.
I've taken a pounding, physically, emotionally and probably financially for this quest.
I may not be a god or family.
I have been there for you all the way.
And I don't even get invited to the cool ceremonies, but do I complain? Okay, a little bit, maybe.
But apart from that, I've been the most loyal, the absolutely most loyal Freki dude you will ever have, and I do not deserve to be told that I am monging out, when all I'm doing is trying to help.
Sorry.
It's an emotional time for me too.
I know.
I totally know that, man.
I want to be Odin, Zeb.
I want it so bad now that I can taste it, and it just it pisses me off that we're stuck this close.
If I say the wrong things, dude, I'm sorry because when I'm Odin, I doubly want you by my side, and it doesn't matter if you're mortal or whatever.
As far as I'm concerned, you're Freki and you always will be.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Okay, you two need to look away now because I might cry and - I really don't want you to see that.
- Oh, Zebe.
Don't cry, you egg.
Alright.
(Sighs) So, uh, "Vili" and "Ve", the only option we've got that make anything close to sense.
That's true.
I'll try all the combos, but none of them make any more sense than this one.
And this one makes no sense at all.
It's us, as requested.
Although, Why we want to play Scrabble at a time like this is beyond me.
We're not playing Scrabble, we're here to look at Scrabble tiles.
There's a difference? Pardon him, he's been on the thinking juice for quite a few hours.
Yes, so I should be at the top of my thinking game.
Now, show me the tiles in question.
Ah.
"Vili" and "Ve", Odin's dirty, nasty brothers who had their way with Frigg while he was away being heroic.
- Yeah.
- Bam.
Nailed it! Hole in one for this oracle.
Yeah, we already got that one, Grandpa, but what does it mean in the context of here and now? How in the name of Asgard would I know? It's a wedding frock shop.
A bridal boutique? How do you know? They're clients of ours.
We deliver stuff to and from there.
The Vilive Bridal Boutique.
- Are you sure about this? - Yeah.
They signed up with us a couple of weeks ago.
The guy who came to talk about it, he was weird.
You have got the name right? - Yeah.
- I need to know.
It's V-I-L-I-V-E.
"Vie-live" Bridal Boutique.
"Vee-leave"-- V for Victory.
Leave as in "leave me alone.
" Right, cool.
Got it, yeah.
Vilive.
Vilive.
(Emphatic) Vilive! Yeah, all over it.
- Heimdallr.
- No, Martin.
Martin Lassen.
Hey, Lassen's kind of Norwegian, (Laughs) Yes, good work, Stacey.
Am I the only here who feels like a complete idiot that in this entire quest, we never once thought to consider that the Norse goddess of marriage might have some kind of association with a bridal shop? Holy shitballs, it's Frigg's shop.
Yeah, it would seem so, Stacey.
Well, we better get our asses down there now.
Yes! Well, I think we can all agree that was worth the wait.
And if we're not in Mike's bad books now, there's always the sex tape option.
What, is unfulfilled fantasy number 1 "Send my brother pictures of me humping his ex"? Uh, no, can you not say humping, please? It makes it sound tacky, and no, not even in my top 10.
Mike is jealous enough of me as it is.
Oh, please.
I was way better than him, wasn't I? I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer.
Okay, I'll take that as a yes.
I could've said "no" and you'd take that as a yes.
See? You know me so well.
That's why we're made for each other.
Are we? Yes, peas in a pod, us.
But you know that.
Silly me for thinking I might be better than that.
Can you stop that please? I will not have self pity in this bed.
It's unattractive and it makes me question my performance.
You're way better off without Mike and with me.
Am I? Hells, yeah.
For starters, I haven't deluded myself into thinking I'm Odin.
He's not deluded.
Mm-hmm, I beg to differ.
Mike thinks people are determined by their actions, not by some title bestowed upon them.
Odin leads, Mike leads, ipso facto.
Seems an obvious conclusion to me.
Well, my money is still on deluded.
Your money too, seeing our money is the only money I have.
You want another drink? Sure, why the hell not? Too early for bubbles? (Sniffling) - Mike: You up for this? - Yeah, I suppose so.
Good.
So, game on? Game on.
(Knocks) (Door clicks) Hi, we haven't officially met, - but I'm Tyrone-- - Hod.
Yeah, him too.
And you're Heimdallr, right? What do you want? I need to ask you some questions about all the weirdness that's been going on.
Why? Because it all needs to be sorted out.
Don't you agree? One very simple solution.
He leaves her alone.
(Sighs) I don't think that's going to happen.
Look, can I come in so we can talk about this? Okay.
No, no, you tricked me.
Yes, but only because we do actually need to talk to you.
That's unacceptable.
All we want to do is meet your sister.
She meets the true one, not the fake.
Mate, who are you to say I'm the fake and not the real deal? She is to choose, and one choice is all she needs.
There's no room for confusion.
So what you're saying is, it is Frigg who chooses her Odin? But not you.
Never you.
Why not me? Why am I so dangerous? - 'Cause you won't do the right things.
- Which are what? What needs to be done.
You don't believe, so you won't act.
Can I meet her? Everyone will meet her when she's met her true Odin.
- You're the one leading us, right? - What? You're the one who's making everything happen.
Am I right? Leading the way? That's my job.
Right.
Good.
Just wanted to make sure we're sorted on that.
You will meet her when it is your time to meet her.
(Door closes) After you.
- You sure about this? - Pretty sure.
- Pretty sure is not all the way sure.
- Just go.
(Clicks) (Whoosh) Oh, that was freaky.
You get used to it.
(Light classical music) I suspect we're in the right place to find the goddess of marriage.
Yeah.
Sorry, mate.
I forgot to mention that when Ty and I turned up at your house, we were in the middle of playing a game - of follow the leader.
- No.
And then Ty, as is his right in the rules of the game, made you the leader.
No.
You're wrong.
Oh, shit! (Grunting) (Thud) Martin, what the fuck are you doing? Stop it.
(Panting) Okay, this is weird.
(Panting) (Doors click) Olaf, wake up.
Are we at the beach? We're here, you drunken oaf.
(Door clicks) There it is.
That's where she is.
Frigg.
Are you feeling anything? A little queasy.
No, I mean, a more godly anything? Oh, right.
No, but that's a building, not a goddess.
True.
(Funky pop music) You coming or not? Am I allowed to? I mean, of all the godly things, this is right up there.
Zeb, come on.
Freki is at Odin's side, as always.
(Chime dings) (Murmuring) No.
(Soft dramatic music) Here, okay, take these.
They'll calm you down, okay? (Whoosh) Hello? My lady, Frigg.
Which must make you my lord, Odin.
I am.
Which is interesting because I've been led to believe mainly through my brother freaking out about it that this man over here is also Odin.
Is that true? I would lay claim to that title, yes.
Oh.
Spend your whole life waiting for Odin to show up, and when he does, there's two of them.
A bit like buses, really.
Must be my lucky day.
- What road? - The Odin road.
- Ullr is Odin by another name.
the true Odin.
I will find her before you will because I can find anything.
- This is her.
- This is little Frigg.
Hi, Dawn.
Don't you ever pull that Bragi shit with me again.
We don't bring mortals in whenever we feel like it because pretty soon, we will be the freaks that everyone knows about and we will be hunted out of existence! How dare you play that card when you're just as bad.
When you decided that you could determine with your goddess power who will live and who will die, who you will save and who you leave to die, I am sorry, Michelle, but you left me way behind.
Michelle: No.
(Gasps) - You are not him.
- Who? Odin.
I am.
You are history, Mike.
History!! Zeb: Dude, I'm telling you, he knows where she is.
I saw it in his eyes.
When he looked at that photo of her as a little girl, that he knew exactly where to find her.
It was all the clues he needed.
He's going after her, man.
He's making his move.
So, what if he finds her first? What's he going to do then, eh? Hold her hostage? Kill her? In your family, I wouldn't rule out anything.
I am Odin! He isn't! She's mine, not his.
End of story.
(Keys jangling) Strictly speaking, I thought neither of you were Odin.
My understanding of the prophesy was that when you found Frigg, you'd become Odin.
No.
All the signs say I was Odin and I will get my powers when I found Frigg.
- Okay, bit of a fine line right there.
- No, it isn't.
I am Odin.
He's not.
Big fat line right down the middle, Zeb.
And I will find her today.
Guaranteed.
Oh, you're sure of that, are you? Yep 'cause I have a plan.
I hope it's a good one 'cause there's sure as hell nothing stopping him.
What the fuck? I need to know we're on the same page about this.
Is this the page where Mike has spun out and finally disappeared up his own ass where he's apparently quite enjoying the view? Axl: Yes.
I'm on that page, yes.
Good.
Ty? Uh, I'm having trouble getting my head around where he's coming from, yeah.
But you're still on my side, right? - I'm always on your side, Axl.
- Bam.
Grandpa? - Just say he's off his nut, Grandpa.
- Just remind me, has Mike actually said to anyone that he believes he's Odin? - Yes.
- When? In my vision.
- Right.
- Hey, I'm not the mad one here.
- I'm not saying you are.
- Look, he destroyed Yggdrasil.
That's not the act of a sane man.
No, but it's the act of a man with strong moral beliefs.
Okay, he may not have said it out loud yet but I know what he's thinking.
Yes, possibly because you're the one that put the thought in there.
Whether or not he said it out loud, is there any chance it could be true? No! Because on my 21st birthday, I became the living incarnation of Odin.
Not him.
Axl, whether you like it or not, it's a question that needs to be asked.
- Not really.
- Okay, on the one hand and so you don't shoot the messenger, Axl, yes, all the signs pointed to you being the All Father.
You ticked all the boxes.
Good for you.
Yeah, Mike ticked precisely no boxes unless they're marked: egotistical, pompous and deluded.
No, Mike ticks the box labelled Ullr, which in this case, is significant-- Is this this Danish myth that Zeb was banging on about? Yeah.
Who cares about Denmark? Denmark sucks.
There are stories, there are always stories, but of much more importance is the notion that you can have all the signs in the world but the true Odin is determined by his actions.
Like finding his beloved.
Olaf: That would be a good action to start with.
One in which Mike has a considerable advantage, apparently.
It doesn't matter because Anders and I are going to go and find her.
Yeah? Yep.
(Slam) (Knocking) (Door creaks) Hi.
I'm looking for the woman that lives here.
No.
No.
(Slam) (Knocking) All wrong.
Go away! Oh, I'm not wrong.
I know she lives here.
Not for you.
(Slam) (Creaking) (Whoosh) (Thunder rumbling) Hey.
Mike? (Street din) (Laughs softly) Are you okay? Right at this moment, I'm unsure.
How did you get in here? Um, the front door was unlocked.
Michelle and her chainsaw were just leaving.
I take it things aren't so good between you and her.
Haven't you heard? I'm the man everyone loves to hate.
Yeah.
I had heard actually.
Are you okay? Again, I'm unsure.
I also hear you think you're Odin.
What? You Odin? Is that true? Have you been talking to Axl? Among everyone else.
Would it be so bad if it was true? No.
I'm sure you'd make a fine Odin.
Except for one thing.
You're not him.
Unless you believe the stories.
- Oh, you know the stories? - Yeah, well, Michelle's mother, she made some cryptic comments so I did my research, okay? Ullr, it means glory, you know? Wuldor Ullr Alwealda, Glorious All-Ruler.
So you can begin to understand why to some, the two of us were kind of interchangeable.
Kind of makes the assumed order not so carved in stone when you think about it like that.
What were you expecting? That I'd be this tear-stained mess curled up on the couch eating junk food, listening to Adele.
I know I would be.
- But I'm not you, Ingrid.
- Ingrid: That is so true.
So instead, you have his car crushed and delivered back to him.
Amongst other things.
Personally, the chainsawing of his stupid football table was more satisfying.
More hands-on.
Okay, I have nothing but respect for you right now.
Thank you, Stacey.
Have you even cried? I don't know how this has escaped your attention, Ingrid, but I am not the crying kind.
Everyone's the crying kind.
It's just some people don't admit it.
- Not me.
- More the revenge-y kind.
He wants to turn downstairs into a man cave, right? But would you believe how hard it is to find someone willing to dump a truck load of boulders at his front door so he has to tunnel into his cave? You're putting a lot of thought into this, aren't you? I have little else to think about.
And it keeps the tears at bay.
If anyone is crying, it should be you, Ingrid.
When that stick was destroyed, didn't the first source of income you've had in a very long time go with it? I'm very aware of that.
Thank you.
Yesterday was proof, ladies, gods are pricks and none of them are worth our tears.
(Birds twittering) So, you're crystal clear on what you have to do? - Oh, I hate these places.
They give me the creeps.
- Anders, forget that.
They remind me of my own mortality.
I don't need that kind of pressure.
- Anders.
- Yeah, I know.
Go inside, sweet-talk whoever, get the patient information on this Frederick Larson dude, get the address for next-of-kin and come straight back out.
Don't treat me like I'm retarded.
No, I'm treating you like someone who's easily distracted.
That's just as bad.
It's possibly worse.
It's like saying I'm ADH.
.
HDHD.
No, except for that tiny part of you that lives in your pants.
Okay, you used the word tiny.
Right there, that's just cruel.
If it comes down to a vote of who's the real Odin, - I'm going to remember that.
- Axl: Just go.
- Yes, new dad.
- And no distractions.
- In God's waiting room? - I mean it.
(Birds singing) Ah, excuse me.
Okay, it could have been life or death.
Don't worry about it.
Hi.
Can I help you? Hi.
Hello.
Yes.
Yes.
Uh, yes, you can in two ways.
The second is you can give me your phone number.
The first is I need to see the patient information on a Frederick Larson.
Can you do that for me? Can you dig out his file? No.
What? I'm a student nurse.
This is my first morning on placement.
They haven't even shown me where the files are yet.
- Oh, right.
- But I can give you my phone number, and maybe my sister can show you the file.
- Sorry? - My sister.
She works here.
Hi.
Can I help you? Unfulfilled fantasy number 2, identical twin nurses.
Damn you, universe, did you really have to do this to me? Now? (Door slams) (Door rattling) (Knocking) Man: Go away.
Who are you? Go.
Away.
- Mike: I know she's in there.
- There's no one here for you.
Mike: Listen, whoever you are, I just want to talk to her.
Man: No.
No.
I know all about you and what you really want.
Mike: Yeah? You and every other bugger apparently.
If you know everything about me, you'll know that I will find her sooner or later.
You can't stop me.
(Lock rasping) (Click) (Creaking) You're her brother, that boy in the photo.
This is not the way it's meant to happen.
Not how what's meant to happen? She went into her room.
(Door squeaking) Hello? (Whoosh) Ah, son of a bitch! - Hello to you too.
- Not you.
I love what you done with the place.
- It wasn't me.
- Not an Odin-fuelled fit of rage? Michelle in a Michelle-fuelled fit of rage.
Okay, I can see that.
But do you dig the subtle way I had of bringing it up? Just for the record, Grandpa, Axl is the one running around telling everyone that I'm Odin.
It's not me.
No, he's telling everyone you think you're Odin.
What if the cap fits? - You know all the stories.
- Stories.
Stories.
Suddenly, everyone's interested in the stories.
I remember all the signs.
The signs, Michael, that said Axl is the man.
Stories, signs.
It would help if we were dealing in facts, eh? Like if someone found the Frigg so she could say, "Yep, him.
He's the one.
" I guess that would help.
Have you found her? Tell me if this rings a bell.
I step through a doorway but the moment I set foot on the other side, pop, I'm somewhere else, miles away.
It very much depends on who's just gone through the door.
Who's standing on the other side of the door? One of our kind, obviously.
Seems you've met Heimdallr.
Our guardian.
Not necessarily our guardian but the guardian of something - or someone.
- How does he do it, his door thing? Heimdallr can move between realms and between places within those realms.
And if he so chooses, he can send any poor, unfortunate anywhere he wants.
How do I get past him? Well, don't ever go through the same door as him would be my first answer.
And your second piece of advice? Stay well away from him because Heimdallr is the god who sees all and hears all and all these different realms 'cause human-sized brain can't cope with the information overload.
So inevitably, he is barking mad.
If Heimdallr's sending you back here then he's going easy on you.
So do not piss him off.
What if he pisses me off? (Birds chirping) What took so long? Hey, things are twice as complicated as expected so less of the attitude.
- You got distracted, didn't you? - You know, I resent what you're insinuating, Axl.
There were complex negotiations to be negotiated and to achieve a happy result for all concerned, - well, it takes time.
- Ah, okay.
Your fly's undone.
Shit.
Axl: Please tell me you at least got an address.
Mission accomplished, Axl.
Next of kin is listed at Martin Larson and that's his address.
Yeah, must be the brother.
I was hoping it would be her.
But we are one significant step closer, my lord.
So next time you seek to question my methodology, just remember, there's more than one Odin to choose from these days.
Don't be a dick, Anders.
- You're sure this is the address? - I wrote it down myself.
You coming? Axl, you know I have deep - seeded issues about places like this.
You mean the issue where you're a pussy who needs to man up? The issue where I have a phobia about mentally challenged people in closed spaces.
You are such a wuss.
I'll look after the car.
(Knocking) (Door creaking) (Squeaking) (Whoosh) Can't make it any easier.
It's not in the rules.
Any luck? - Not really.
- Oh well, worth a crack.
Hey, um, something's popped up and I'm going to have to leave you to it.
Something more important than our sacred quest? That's hard to say but if I don't tend to it soon, well, I just need to attend to it.
So you're just going to ditch me here? No, no, no.
I could drop you anywhere you like, as long as it's not too far away.
Fine, whatever.
Just drive.
I know where to get to next.
(Tires screeching) Weren't you considerably less clothed last time I saw you? It's called bait, Anders.
It's what you use to reel in a dumb animal.
I think of it as false advertising.
Don't worry.
You're still at the top of my list.
Your "people I must annoy today" list? My revenge fuck list.
I believe it's traditional in this situation I now find myself as the scorned woman to fuck a friend or sibling to get back at the prick who dumped me.
Given that Mike has no friends, that leaves the three of you.
And I've already done Axl and have no need to go back.
And Ty has a girlfriend and morality is so too much hard work.
So that leaves you.
Oh.
Well, glad I passed your stringent criteria.
Not really.
You want it too much.
Mike would totally expect it, which takes all the revenge out of it.
And that's the fun bit.
What do you want, Michelle? Apart from making my penis want to crawl inside my body and never come out? And wouldn't that be doing the world a service? I want my 175 grand.
- Pardon me? - My share of the money you have.
Um, by my math, it's 100 grand, as in half of 200 grand.
No.
You agreed to bring in the 50 grand client, 25 each.
Anything above that, logically, that money is mine.
Also, you screwed up my life and I'm not happy with you.
Hm.
I'm sorry, but your logic's not very logical seeing as the money's in my bank account.
- Our business account.
- Under my name.
Don't fuck with me, Anders.
I'm not very well disposed to your family right now.
Really? Why? 'Cause Mad Mike ditched you in search of a newer model? Look, I'm sorry that rejection stings but I thought you'd be happy to be clear of Mr.
Popularity.
What newer model? Oh, you don't know, do you? Know what? Oh, no.
Oh, no, this is too good.
Know what, Anders? Well, the word is that Mike is setting himself up as the new Odin.
Mike is out there now, even as we do our little dance here, trying to find Frigg so he can keep her all to himself.
So before you come over here accusing me of screwing up your life, Michelle, maybe you should be asking yourself the real reason that Mike got so bent out of shape over a stupid stick.
Maybe to free himself up so he can go after who he truly desires? So who's a dumb animal now, Michelle? Look, I wouldn't completely rule out the revenge fuck idea though.
Did have merit.
(Whoosh) (Gasp) No.
(Whoosh) You shouldn't be in here.
Heimdallr.
You know who I am.
- But who are you? - I'm Ullr.
Exactly.
Nothing more.
You want to play games, mate? I can play all day.
It's not a game.
It's never a game.
It's too important, which is why you need to stop all of this.
You're making it all wrong.
You have to listen to me.
There are so many things that could go wrong because of you, too much at stake for games.
You hear me?! You hear? - Game on.
- It's not.
No game.
- What's your name? I'm Michael.
- I know your name.
Well then you have an unfair advantage in this game.
It's not a game.
The thing I don't quite get is all my senses are telling me she's here but - she's not.
- So you need to go.
So I guess you've done your little trick on her.
- It's not a trick.
- Where have you sent her to? Never telling.
She's not the one for you.
Nor you for her.
Mate, I can play this game all day.
It's not a game.
- It feels like one to me.
- It's not a game because it's not a game.
Two people have to agree to a game, and I do not agree.
(Scuffling) Oh, you Prick! Say my name.
Heimdallr.
And do you know what Heimdallr can do to you? Where I can send you? I can send you bad places.
Why haven't you? Because you're needed.
But you're not needed that much.
Needed for what? (Door rattling) (Creak) (Whoosh) Fuck! (Both gasp) Bastard.
Heimdallr again? Yeah, he keeps sending me back here.
Well, lucky you.
It's better than the realm of the ice giants.
He said I was needed for something.
Well clearly it's not for finding Frigg.
Yeah, obviously, so, what? No idea.
Maybe he just admires your enthusiasm.
(Sighs) Oh, you've got a visitor.
- Who? - The ghost of your recent past.
Are you here with or without your chainsaw? I need to know.
- What? - The real reason.
For what? Why we broke up? Did you dump me so you could go after her? Frigg.
Did you feel the need, Mike, to trade up in the goddess department? We've been seeking Frigg a long time.
Nothing has changed.
Bullshit! You used to be after her for your brother.
Now you want her for yourself to sit beside you on your throne as the new Odin.
I've never claimed to be Odin.
I've never said the words, "I am Odin.
" This teeny tiny fact seems to have escaped everyone's attention here.
You don't need to say the words, Mike, because we all know you think them.
We all get that you think you're bigger than us.
So you can drop the fucking hypocrisy and answer the question! Did you want me out of the way so you could go after her? We ended because you turned everything toxic, you and your bloody stick.
Playing your power games, messing with the natural order.
Now I couldn't stand by and let that happen.
But, hey where's the hypocrisy in that? Why are you looking for her, Mike? You know why; because we need to find her.
Axl needs to find her, not you.
Well I'm better at finding things than he is.
Right there.
Right there, Mike, there is the hypocrisy.
Because you think you're better at everything than Axl, up to and including being a better Odin.
Now who's messing with the natural order? You and I finished because you made it impossible to go on.
I'm sorry if that truth doesn't sit with you, Michelle, but it is the truth! I hope you find her and I hope she rejects you, and I hope that really fucking hurts.
By the way, if you look in your wardrobe, you'll find the chainsaw works on clothes as well.
I'll bet it does.
(Sighs) Ingrid: Oh, oh, I recognize this place.
Really? Is there some significance to do with Frigg? I've no idea.
I stayed in places exactly this once upon a time, in my wilderness years.
Well, wild years anyway.
Up here.
Take your time, Ingrid.
We're not in any hurry.
Come on, Ingrid! Yggdrasil only ever brought out what was inside you.
(Laughs) It's lovely of you to say so, Axl, but so not true.
I know you can do it.
I believe in you, Snotra.
Thank you, my lord Odin.
Okay.
Okay, Ingrid, think positive, not negative and see where you can go, see where you can go.
Heimdallr.
You mentioned him the other day.
- It's from the "Eda.
" - The what-a? "Widely I saw over all the worlds, loud blows.
Heimdallr.
The horn is aloft.
" - No mention of Frigg? - No.
- So what does it mean.
- That's a good question.
Is Heimdallr her brother, Martin? Ah, and a sensible conclusion.
You're on fire today.
Yeah, thanks.
So, any idea what Heimdallr and the horn means? Well, there's the Ragnarok reference obviously.
- Ragnarok? - Yeah, Heimdallr blowing his horn like a referee starting a tennis match.
Is this to say Ragnarok is kicking off? Or it's an affirmation.
A what? A little pick-me-up for him to see when he wakes up every morning.
I used to write all sorts of affirmations all over my walls.
During your wilderness years.
Okay, Ingrid, we might just leave that one for now.
What about this? I thought it must also be a clue.
Indeed, it does look very clue-ish.
So what do you think it means? "Vilive.
" No, it's Vili and Ve.
- And they are? - Odin's brothers in the Asgard times.
Oh, right.
And what do they have to do with it? With your quest, not a lot, although they both slept with Frigg.
That's not a sign of what's going to happen, is it? That we find her and she sleeps with my brothers? One brother in particular.
I want to say no, but we can't rule anything out, especially if he finds her first.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I need to borrow you for a while.
- Uh, now not the greatest time.
- Can't wait for another time, I'm afraid.
Actually, honey, can you ask Mike in? He's kind of to do with what we were just talking about.
Come in.
Do we have to do this now? Oh yes.
(Door bangs) Hi, Dawn.
What's the problem? Ty tells me there's a whole lot of stuff going on with the Frigg thing.
- You could say that.
- And from what little I understand, if you find this woman and she and Odin, whoever that may be, hook up, then suddenly you're all fully blown Norse gods again.
Am I right? That's as far as we can make out.
So what exactly does this mean for Ty and I, Mike? My boyfriend, "the god of darkness" doesn't sound good to me.
Does it sound good to you? No.
Yeah, we like to keep our house at a balmy -30 and pitch black because my boyfriend, Ty, oh, he's Hod.
You know, the god of all things cold and dark.
(Chuckles) Yeah, what fun we have round our place.
in the cold and in the dark.
I'm sure it won't come to that, Dawn.
(Laughs) Oh, are you? Are you sure, Mike? Because what I've gleaned thus far is you guys know fuck all.
About anything.
Hell, you can't even sort out who is or isn't Odin and is therefore meant to be running the show.
There's this thing here we need to do, Dawn.
We don't get a lot of say in it because it's something we have to do.
It's the reason the god part of us exists.
Odin and Frigg, us getting our full powers, absolutely right.
We don't really know what is going to happen.
But this day was always going to come.
We're gods, like it or not.
And all we can do is embrace it and have faith that when it does happen we can somehow control it.
And I believe with all my heart, Dawn that somehow you and Ty will be fine because you sure as hell deserve it after all the shit you've been through.
Yet still the words "don't really know what's going to happen" are ringing in my ears.
Can't change that.
But I still need to borrow Ty.
I need alcohol.
I'm glad I could be of some use after all.
- Did you catch up with the new Odin? - I don't want to talk about him.
- Oh.
Has he found his new girlfriend yet? - I don't want to talk about her.
If you don't want to talk about them, why are you here? Being cruel about Mike is where we do some of our finest work.
- I'm ready.
- For what? My revenge fuck.
In fact I think I've more than earned it.
Gosh, wow, I'm flattered to be chosen.
Yeah, you should be.
Traditionally however the revenge fuck is only revenge if the ex-significant other finds out about it.
What.
Are you scared he actually is Odin and will smite you? Yeah, right.
I just want to make sure that he will find out about it.
Eventually, when his dreams of glory are in the dust and it will feel like the kick to the scrotum he deserves.
Good to see you haven't over thought this.
So up for the job.
Wow, definitely yes.
I mean, unfulfilled fantasy number 3.
Quite a day.
I'm one of your unfulfilled fantasies? - Yeah, are you flattered? - At being number 3.
Two actually.
You just got bumped up the list.
I'm sure we can bump it up to number one.
Oh.
Perky.
(Rustling) What about "live iv.
"? Axl: Meaning what? IV is short for intravenously, so maybe this refers to something that lives in the bloodstream.
- Like a virus.
- Maybe.
And that helps us find Frigg how? Not at all.
What if they aren't letters, but numbers? Like Roman numerals.
So E for in Roman numerals? - Nothing.
- Zero.
No, nothing, as in it's not a Roman numeral.
- Oh, bugger.
- What if it's a mix of both? Live 4.
IV is Roman for 4, right? I remember that from the Led Zeppelin album.
So this is saying there's something to live for.
- Oh, that's nice.
- Yeah.
And what's this thing we're supposed to be living for? I don't know.
It might help if you did.
Yeah, well, it might help if you could actually be, you know, of help; if you were thinking rather than just monging out.
That's harsh.
Yeah, well, it's true.
Man, I've worked my ass off for you to become Odin.
I've taken a pounding, physically, emotionally and probably financially for this quest.
I may not be a god or family.
I have been there for you all the way.
And I don't even get invited to the cool ceremonies, but do I complain? Okay, a little bit, maybe.
But apart from that, I've been the most loyal, the absolutely most loyal Freki dude you will ever have, and I do not deserve to be told that I am monging out, when all I'm doing is trying to help.
Sorry.
It's an emotional time for me too.
I know.
I totally know that, man.
I want to be Odin, Zeb.
I want it so bad now that I can taste it, and it just it pisses me off that we're stuck this close.
If I say the wrong things, dude, I'm sorry because when I'm Odin, I doubly want you by my side, and it doesn't matter if you're mortal or whatever.
As far as I'm concerned, you're Freki and you always will be.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Okay, you two need to look away now because I might cry and - I really don't want you to see that.
- Oh, Zebe.
Don't cry, you egg.
Alright.
(Sighs) So, uh, "Vili" and "Ve", the only option we've got that make anything close to sense.
That's true.
I'll try all the combos, but none of them make any more sense than this one.
And this one makes no sense at all.
It's us, as requested.
Although, Why we want to play Scrabble at a time like this is beyond me.
We're not playing Scrabble, we're here to look at Scrabble tiles.
There's a difference? Pardon him, he's been on the thinking juice for quite a few hours.
Yes, so I should be at the top of my thinking game.
Now, show me the tiles in question.
Ah.
"Vili" and "Ve", Odin's dirty, nasty brothers who had their way with Frigg while he was away being heroic.
- Yeah.
- Bam.
Nailed it! Hole in one for this oracle.
Yeah, we already got that one, Grandpa, but what does it mean in the context of here and now? How in the name of Asgard would I know? It's a wedding frock shop.
A bridal boutique? How do you know? They're clients of ours.
We deliver stuff to and from there.
The Vilive Bridal Boutique.
- Are you sure about this? - Yeah.
They signed up with us a couple of weeks ago.
The guy who came to talk about it, he was weird.
You have got the name right? - Yeah.
- I need to know.
It's V-I-L-I-V-E.
"Vie-live" Bridal Boutique.
"Vee-leave"-- V for Victory.
Leave as in "leave me alone.
" Right, cool.
Got it, yeah.
Vilive.
Vilive.
(Emphatic) Vilive! Yeah, all over it.
- Heimdallr.
- No, Martin.
Martin Lassen.
Hey, Lassen's kind of Norwegian, (Laughs) Yes, good work, Stacey.
Am I the only here who feels like a complete idiot that in this entire quest, we never once thought to consider that the Norse goddess of marriage might have some kind of association with a bridal shop? Holy shitballs, it's Frigg's shop.
Yeah, it would seem so, Stacey.
Well, we better get our asses down there now.
Yes! Well, I think we can all agree that was worth the wait.
And if we're not in Mike's bad books now, there's always the sex tape option.
What, is unfulfilled fantasy number 1 "Send my brother pictures of me humping his ex"? Uh, no, can you not say humping, please? It makes it sound tacky, and no, not even in my top 10.
Mike is jealous enough of me as it is.
Oh, please.
I was way better than him, wasn't I? I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer.
Okay, I'll take that as a yes.
I could've said "no" and you'd take that as a yes.
See? You know me so well.
That's why we're made for each other.
Are we? Yes, peas in a pod, us.
But you know that.
Silly me for thinking I might be better than that.
Can you stop that please? I will not have self pity in this bed.
It's unattractive and it makes me question my performance.
You're way better off without Mike and with me.
Am I? Hells, yeah.
For starters, I haven't deluded myself into thinking I'm Odin.
He's not deluded.
Mm-hmm, I beg to differ.
Mike thinks people are determined by their actions, not by some title bestowed upon them.
Odin leads, Mike leads, ipso facto.
Seems an obvious conclusion to me.
Well, my money is still on deluded.
Your money too, seeing our money is the only money I have.
You want another drink? Sure, why the hell not? Too early for bubbles? (Sniffling) - Mike: You up for this? - Yeah, I suppose so.
Good.
So, game on? Game on.
(Knocks) (Door clicks) Hi, we haven't officially met, - but I'm Tyrone-- - Hod.
Yeah, him too.
And you're Heimdallr, right? What do you want? I need to ask you some questions about all the weirdness that's been going on.
Why? Because it all needs to be sorted out.
Don't you agree? One very simple solution.
He leaves her alone.
(Sighs) I don't think that's going to happen.
Look, can I come in so we can talk about this? Okay.
No, no, you tricked me.
Yes, but only because we do actually need to talk to you.
That's unacceptable.
All we want to do is meet your sister.
She meets the true one, not the fake.
Mate, who are you to say I'm the fake and not the real deal? She is to choose, and one choice is all she needs.
There's no room for confusion.
So what you're saying is, it is Frigg who chooses her Odin? But not you.
Never you.
Why not me? Why am I so dangerous? - 'Cause you won't do the right things.
- Which are what? What needs to be done.
You don't believe, so you won't act.
Can I meet her? Everyone will meet her when she's met her true Odin.
- You're the one leading us, right? - What? You're the one who's making everything happen.
Am I right? Leading the way? That's my job.
Right.
Good.
Just wanted to make sure we're sorted on that.
You will meet her when it is your time to meet her.
(Door closes) After you.
- You sure about this? - Pretty sure.
- Pretty sure is not all the way sure.
- Just go.
(Clicks) (Whoosh) Oh, that was freaky.
You get used to it.
(Light classical music) I suspect we're in the right place to find the goddess of marriage.
Yeah.
Sorry, mate.
I forgot to mention that when Ty and I turned up at your house, we were in the middle of playing a game - of follow the leader.
- No.
And then Ty, as is his right in the rules of the game, made you the leader.
No.
You're wrong.
Oh, shit! (Grunting) (Thud) Martin, what the fuck are you doing? Stop it.
(Panting) Okay, this is weird.
(Panting) (Doors click) Olaf, wake up.
Are we at the beach? We're here, you drunken oaf.
(Door clicks) There it is.
That's where she is.
Frigg.
Are you feeling anything? A little queasy.
No, I mean, a more godly anything? Oh, right.
No, but that's a building, not a goddess.
True.
(Funky pop music) You coming or not? Am I allowed to? I mean, of all the godly things, this is right up there.
Zeb, come on.
Freki is at Odin's side, as always.
(Chime dings) (Murmuring) No.
(Soft dramatic music) Here, okay, take these.
They'll calm you down, okay? (Whoosh) Hello? My lady, Frigg.
Which must make you my lord, Odin.
I am.
Which is interesting because I've been led to believe mainly through my brother freaking out about it that this man over here is also Odin.
Is that true? I would lay claim to that title, yes.
Oh.
Spend your whole life waiting for Odin to show up, and when he does, there's two of them.
A bit like buses, really.
Must be my lucky day.