The Sopranos s03e11 Episode Script

Hello? Hello? Is tony there? No, i'm sorry, he's not.
Who's calling? This is mrs.
Washington from the high school for little anthony.
Mrs.
Washington? From your son's school.
Hello.
Tony, it's me.
I'm sorry to call you.
I know we are broken up, but my religious medal, i look everywhere and i think i lost it.
I think it's on the stugots.
Oh, okay.
Who is on the boat with you? I'll be sure and tell him.
Alright.
Is your son okay? Attendance shit.
Two weeks, not eve n a kiss hello? I'm sorry, yeah.
How was morocco? Great.
Listen that phone call it was an old girlfriend.
Oh, you mean she wasn't from the school? My god, she sounde d so convincing! I'm just trying to be honest here.
If you're trying to be honest, why'd you lie? I didn't want to piss you off.
So, it's really more about you, then.
What are you talking about? I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
No, what you said was that you didn' t want to piss me off, which implies that you'd have to deal with me, which is more abou t sparing you than m y fucking feelings! Merry christmas.
Let's go with the satin finish.
Excuse me.
Hello.
Yeah, it's me.
You know that russki, valery, works for slava? He owes sil five grand.
For that oth er thing, you know.
I need you to go pick it up tomorrow.
Why don't sil go? I'm sending him home , he's dying from the flu.
I didn't hear you, ton'.
He's sick, he's got the flu! I'm supposed to take my mother to social security tomorrow.
So, you do it after.
The guy's in fairlawn.
number six.
I don't even know why we deal with these people.
You wanna guess? They make us money.
Thank you.
And the family's well? Honestly, i'm a little concerned about our daughter.
What's the problem? She's dating a boy the son of some friend s of the family actually.
I think i mentioned him to you.
I don't know, i guess i'm not as optimistic as i once was.
She was dating a different boy, a young african- american man? Yeah, they broke up.
Actually he br oke it off with her.
Believe that? You didn't exactly give him much choice, tony.
So now i'm responsible for her being with jackie.
I'm just saying that if you hadn't been so mean to him who knows, may be she might not be with this one.
I find it very interesting that you're able to ta lk about this without rancor.
Actually we haven't been arguing as much lately.
It's the therapy.
We're learning how to communicate.
score, that's 36.
No spanish.
Spanish? Oh- bleek- ay? Oblique.
Indirect, not straightforward.
Come on, you're in college.
I'm not an english major.
As in, how'bout giving me some? Jackie, i'm sick.
I know, i'm only kidding.
Unless you want to.
Jackie.
I'm kidding, kidding.
Wanna do some x? I'm already taking nyquil.
Tired? Actually i am kinda wiped.
Mind if we finish this tomorrow? Okay.
Wow, you'r e burning up.
I'll come by tomorrow night and bring you some echinacea.
You're leaving? I better let you get some sleep.
The russians? They're not all bad.
How about the cuban missile crisis? Cocksuckers moved nuclear warheads into cuba, pointed'em right at us.
That was real? I saw that movie, i thought it was bullshit.
Who is? Kgb, openup.
We didn't wake you, did we? Or the other 30 people who live here? You want? Little early, no? Look at this shit, tv, stereo, dvd.
The fuck's this? Universal remote.
Universal remote.
Probably wiped your ass bare handed till you came to this country.
So valery, you got silvio's money? Fucking silvio.
Watch it, comrade.
Money is on entertainment center.
Better not be any rubles in there.
Put remote on docking station.
What? Universal remote put down on docking station.
Listen to this prick giving orders.
You got some balls, my friend.
Oops.
Paulie.
What? It was an accident.
Ay, you want to fuck here, cocksucker? You come to my house! What'd you call me? Paulie, paulie, where the fuck are you? What the fuck? What'd you do? What'd, i have a choice? I think he's dying.
Must've cracked his windpipe.
That's it for him.
What are you, a fucking doctor now? What are we gonna do? Pull the car around.
"I'm feeling very sheepish.
" About the other day.
I had no right to even answer your phone.
It's alright.
I'm sorry i lied.
You gonna open it? It's beautiful.
It's from morocco.
Yeah mm- hmm.
? Now i feel like a jerk, i got nothing for you.
Of course you do.
No, i gott a see who this is.
Oh! I gotta take this.
Yeah.
Ton', it's me.
We saw that guy, but we had a problem.
It got a little physical.
You were just supposed to pick up the money.
We did, but he started giving us some shit.
The prick sucker- punched me.
Hang on.
What? Hang on.
Where are you now? Rest sto p, garden state.
Where's the guy? With the luggage.
Are you fucking kidding me? You're breaking up, i can't hear you.
I said, are you fucking kidding me? It got bad, t, we had no choice.
I'm supposed to meet slava later.
What the fuck am i supposed to say to him? It's okay, nobody was around.
What do you wanna do? You use your own judgment.
But whatever you decide, you do it way the fuck away from me, you understand? Motherfucker! That was a big waste of water.
Look, it was just some work shit, okay? You got ti me for lunch? You are my lunch.
I gotta get back.
How'bout dinner? What do you got in mind? You like london broil? Yeah.
We could dump him down the shore.
It's too light out , we should wait.
They got a roy roger s over there, you hungry? First thing's first, chrissy.
I know, i'm just sayin g, i didn't eat breakfast.
Most important meal.
How you doing? Let's take him down to pine barrens.
That's south jersey.
It's perfect, it's fuckin' deserted down there.
We take him in the woods, dig a hole, end of story.
With fuckin' snow all over the ground? That's some hard shit.
I got a shovel i use for digging the car out.
Best part is, we'll be like 20 minutes from a.
C.
We can get a room, freshen up, little blackjack.
Fuck that, i gotta eat something.
We'll go to morton's, have a steak.
This way the day won't be a total loss.
Things with you and carmel a seem to be going well.
It's the therapy.
Look, i'm gonna be honest with you.
I'm seeing somebody.
A patient of yours.
Gloria trillo.
Why gloria? Why not? She's smart, she's sexy, she's italian.
Italian? Stick to your own kind, you know.
What is this,"west side story" now? Do you think havin g met her in therapy holds any significance? Maybe she reminds me of you.
Okay.
How? Smart, sexy, she's italian.
She's actually nothing like you.
Well maybe a little.
Who else then? You both got great legs.
Keep joking, it's your dime.
Don't get jealous.
It was your fault we met in the first place.
The scheduling mix- up? Point is, she makes me happy.
Does she seem happy to you? When she's with me.
And you know what? So am i.
Do you think lying to carmela in therapy is the best thing for your panic attacks? Things are going good between me and carm, you said so yourself.
Yeah, it's all predicated on a lie.
Predicated on my ass, what's the difference? I'm content, i'm relaxed.
The bottom line is i'm a better husband and a better father.
If you wanna know the truth as much as i love my wife, being with gloria makes me happier than all your prozac and your therapy bullshit combined.
What do you think? I think we should've ate.
Ya! Cocksucker's still alive! Look at this, he chewed through the tape.
Fuckin g piece shit! Keep hollerin', i' ll put one in your head.
Fuck you fucking mother! Get the shovel, chrissy.
Fuckin' freezing out here.
Hey asshole, don't you know better than to wear pajamas in the middle of winter? Think this is far enough? It'll do.
The fuck you doing? You think we're digging the hole? That's right, shit- head, get to work.
I know the ground's kinda hard, but give it some of that siberian action.
Shut up.
The fuck's he saying? Who gives a shit.
Keep digging.
Not that it matters now, but we didn't come to your house to kill you.
That mouth of yours, you gotta learn to shut the fuck up.
So, how far is it to atlantic city? Motherfucker! Ah, fuck! What the fuck? I got him, didn't i? Yeah, fuck! Maybe he's stunned.
How bad is it? Couple of stitches, hang on, we'll finish him up, we'll cover him with snow.
You see which way he went? He's gotta be close.
Half his head's probably hanging off.
There's some blood over there.
Where is this prick? You sure i hit him in the head? Yeah, fuckin' positive.
I don't see any more blood.
It's like the trail just ended.
Are you gonna be home for dinner? Yeah.
Alright, i'm going to the market.
Maybe it's like when you cut the head off a chicken, how they keep runnin'.
Fuckin' believe this? Hello? Where the fuck you been? We're down the pine barrens.
Did you wrap the package? Not yet.
We were abou t to, we had a little problem.
What problem? The package hit chrissy with an implement and ran off.
Ran off? I thought you said it was, you know we thought it was, t.
It's complicated, we'r e looking for it now.
I can't hear you, you're breaking up.
I said we're looking for it.
It's like she gets sciatica, the whole world grinds-- could surive? The package? Is there any way the package could survive? Ton'! Goddamnit! Is there any way the package could survive? No t, no fucking way.
It's my life and i 'll live it any way i please.
Cocksucker! What? I got a meeting with slava! I could be walking into a fuckin' buzzsaw! T, hello? Fuck.
What'd he say? I dunno, he's all fucking worri ed about this slava asshole.
I know we're doing work with this guy.
But you gotta wonder what tony's got going.
None of our fuckin' business, is it? I'm a fucking captain.
You got a match? My lighter's in the car.
Mine, too.
I'm not dressed for this shit.
He's gotta be dead by now, right? How could he not be? Fuck it, let's just go.
Squirrels will eat him anyway.
Where'd we park? Back there, half a mile or so.
You sure? 'cause i thought we kinda looped around.
Four years in the army, kid.
We just follow our own footprints, c'mon.
Wait a minute.
We walked in a circle.
How's that fuckin' possible? Alright, let's reason this out.
We were driving south and the sun's setting there.
What good's that do us? At least we know wha t direction we're headed.
Yeah, but we're still fuckin' lost! We're not lost.
Stop getting cunty.
Slava.
Tony.
Tony, come in.
Come in.
My daughte r ilana.
Say hello to mr.
Soprano.
Hello.
How you doing? Go to drugstor e, buy some candy.
Beautiful girl.
Brilliant student.
One day she goes to harvard in massachusetts, maybe.
Family nothing is more important.
That's why you gotta plan ahead.
There's 200 in here.
Okay.
Same drill , to isle of man, four days, clean as whistle.
We drink.
So, where's your friend? Valery? Who knows? He give silvio the money, yes? 'Cause i told him.
I don't know, i wasn't there.
Salut.
Ho, that's you and him, ain't it? He was like brother to me closer than brother.
But now he's tragic figure.
What do you mean? The alcohol, the drugs.
Disgraces to his family.
He breaks my heart.
Maybe you could send him to a.
A.
In chechnya he saves my life.
You're very emotional.
I would do anything for him.
Take it ea sy, we'll find it.
I'm dizzy, my fuckin' head is killing me.
Hello? It's a bad connectio n so i'm gonna talk fast.
The guy you're looking for is some kind of ex- commando or some shit.
He killed 16 chechen rebels single handed.
T? T, that you? Ah, damnit.
I didn't hear what you said, ton'.
It's a bad connection, so i'm gonna talk fast.
The guy you're looking for is an ex- commando.
He killed 16 chechen rebels single handed.
Get the fu ck outta here.
Yeah, nice, huh? He was with the interior ministry.
Guy's some kind of russian green beret.
This guy cannot come back to tell this story, you understand? I hear you.
I'm serious, paulie.
Ton'? Ton', you there? Goddamn-- fuck! Call me back! You're not gonna believe this.
He killed Guy was an interior decorator.
His house looked like shit.
Didn't you hear it? Twig snappin'.
You said yourself i hit him in the head.
Fuckin' rasputin, this guy.
See? C'mon, he's running.
Oh! Oh, fuck! Fucking cunt! Paulie, come on, i think i got him! If we were trying we wouldn't have come close.
I lost my shoe.
Hello? It's me.
How you feeling? Like shit.
When are you coming over? I gotta get my mother's car inspected.
At night? My friend's a mechanic.
It's the only time he can do it.
I'm so bummed, i really miss you.
Can't you do it tomorrow? I can't.
My mother needs thecar and i gotta move all o f dov's shit out of here.
I'll call you later, okay? Yeah, okay, bye.
This is no fucking joke here.
I coul d lose a foot.
It's numb, huh? The fuck you think? How coul d we be lost like this? We're in fucking new jersey.
South jersey.
Maybe we should eat some of these berries.
Are you nuts? Shit like that could be poisonous , you don't know.
C'mon.
The fuck's that? Looks like a truck.
Ah! There's fuckin' gravel under this snow! The back wheels are gone.
Thank you, god! My fucking ears feel like they're gonna fall off.
Fuck your ears.
Get me something for my foot! Ooh.
Jesus, that pr ick really brained me.
I gotta sit with m y foot under my thigh.
Use my own body heat, that's the trick.
What if this guy's not dead, paulie? He's fucking dead.
I know, but 16 czechoslovakians! He's trained for this shit.
That's like "die hard" shit.
I heard on the news it's supposed to s now again later this week.
You know the weather report in mexico? Chili today, hot tamale? You heard it before? Hmm.
It's an old joke, a.
J.
Egon kosma said he made it up.
What's the matter, you're not hungry? Late lunch.
Could be him out there, stalking us.
With wha t, his cock? Think about it, chrissy.
Even if he's alive, he's unarmed and bleeding like a sieve.
He's in the woods, he's in his pajamas.
It's the fucking yukon out there.
Probably thinks we left anyway.
If he's alive, which he ain't! What's that? Nathan's bag.
There's some ketchups and shit.
They clean? I dunno, they were in the bag.
They were a little half- way frozen.
Fuck it, gimme some.
Here.
Not bad.
Mix it with the relish.
It's nana and grandpa.
Ma, what are y ou guys doing here? Three hours at the eye doctor.
Glaucoma.
I may need an operation.
Oh, my god.
C'mon, sit down.
You hungry, you want to eat? Who could eat after news like that? I'll make some coffee.
Hello.
It's me.
Where are you? We're still here.
And? No good.
That's really fuckin' great.
That language, is that necessary? Listen ton', we're really lost.
We been walking around for hours.
I lost my shoe.
We found some old truck.
A truck.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
How'bout some advice? What? How'bout some advice? You want my advice? You stay there till the morning and then you find this guy.
We're trying! Goddamn fucking phone! Thanks, to n', thanks a lot.
Oh, i should be happy about this? No, it's just your nephew, sometimes he don't think before he acts.
That's all i'm gonna say.
I thought the guy sucker punched you.
He did.
It's just we'll talk later.
You're having coffee, right? My father has glaucoma.
It's jackie, leave a message.
It's me again.
You said you were gonna call.
Where the hell are you? Hi ambujam, i'm really sorry, i need to borrow your car.
If i wanted to be treated like shit i'd get married.
I'm sorry.
Something came up.
Dinner is fucking ruined.
We'll go out.
Anywhere you want.
C'mon, don't be like that.
Inconsiderate prick.
I said i was sorry.
It was family shit.
It couldn't be avoided.
Let me make it up to you.
You were supposed to be here three hours ago.
I know.
I'm here now , aren't i? Hmm? This is fucking bullshit! It was silvio's money, he should've got it himself! Cocksucker got the sniffles, and we're stuck out here! You shouldn't have hit the guy.
I shouldn't have even been there! Fuckin' insult he even gives me this shit, your uncle.
Yeah, blame tony now.
You had to hear him on the phone before.
Talking to me like a child.
You have any idea the money i made for him over the years? Or his old man before him? He's living like a fucking king and now all i hear about is cocksucker ralphie.
I'm going to sleep.
Let me get some of that carpet.
I been working on a plan.
A plan? We're in a truck, right? It had to get here somehow, there's gotta be a road out.
It's grown over, it stops at those trees.
Give me your shoes, i can go get help.
Fuck you, you're not leaving me here.
You don't trust me? It's stupid, pitch dark out there.
And what's your fucking plan? Eat ketchup packs? We should've stopped at roy rogers! And i shouldn't fucked dale evans, but i didn't! What are you doing? Calling tony again.
You're gonna piss him off, paulie.
Fuck him! We're gonna die out here.
Oh, fuck! Yeah.
It's me.
What now? What now? Chrissy's head is bleeding and i'm freezing to death, that's what's fucking now.
Hey, take it easy! I'm through taking it easy.
We're fucking starving out here.
What do you want me to do about it? Come fucking get us! You don't even know where the fuck you are! Exit 12.
What? Exit fuckin' 12.
Pike's hollow or some shit.
Pike's hollow.
There's a dirt roa d at the turnoff.
We're parked about a mile in near some picnic tables.
And when i find the car, then what? I don't know, start yellin'! We're in a truck.
That dirt road might be the same one we're on.
Put my nephew on the phone.
Here.
Yeah, t.
Are you alright? I don't know, my head's killing me.
I can't hear you.
My head hurts, i think i got a concussion.
Alright, just stay calm.
Bring some food, alright? Some fucki ng shoes, too.
Alright, hang in there.
I gotta go.
What, are you kidding me? It's an emergency.
What do you want from me? What do you think, i'm some fucking whore? Just calm down.
You think you're just gonna come over here and fuck me? You know what? I don't got time for this shit.
Oh, now you're gonna leave, you low- life piece of shit! You know what? Here! Take your fucking dinner! I fucking hate you! I know he's cheating on me.
I could hear it in his voice.
Car inspection? It's bullshit.
What if he's not though? Doing this would make me as bad as he is.
Maybe we should go.
Hey.
Sorry i had to wake you.
Fucking chemo.
I'm awake throwing up half the night anyway.
Did you call bobby? He's on his way.
What've you been eating, steak? No-- i dunno.
I need to borrow a shirt.
You want some tea? No.
Fuck this! Where you going? It's not bad enough you wake me in the middle of the night.
I gotta get my balls broken too? Go with my nephew, do what he says.
I gotta change my shirt.
I got my limits too, jr.
Be strong.
You have a good time? Me, too.
What are you doing tomorrow? Yeah, of course i did.
I can't believe you did this to me.
What are you doing here? I loved you.
Who the hell are you? Fuck you, bitch.
What'd you say? Don't ever call me again! Meadow, wait.
Yeah, you better leave, bitch! What the fuck is the matter with you? That's tony soprano's daughter! Oh, what do i care, asshole? Fuckin' bitch.
Goddamnit! You really know about this shit? The woods and hunting? My dad and me used to go every year.
I'm sorry i laughe d at you before.
It's alright.
One time we went hunting we saw a sign that said,"bear left," so we went home.
I want you to know i appreciate you taking care of my uncle.
Yeah, i know.
He really loves you, you know that? C'mon, that old prick? I'm serious.
He talks about you all the time.
I know you had your problems but, i dunno i wish he was my uncle sometimes.
What time is it? Where the fuck is he? What are those, tic- tacs? I just found'em.
I didn't know i had'em on me.
You had tic- tacs all along? Give me some! There ain't no more, i ate'em.
Selfish prick, i'm dying here! Then fucking die already.
Where you going ? don't go out there! I'm eating those berries.
I'm telling you, they're poison! I don't give a shit, at least i won't die hungry.
You sure this is the right place? Yeah, pike's hollow.
One mile in, by the picnic table.
Where's their car, though? Maybe they left.
They wouldn't leave without calling.
Let me try him again.
Tony? Paulie, we're by the ton', i can't hear you! We're gonna motherfucking cocksucker! That tony ? what'd he say? I don't know! Ho! Do that by your own window! I don't wanna smell your piss.
Fuck you.
What did you say? You heardme.
Don't make me pull rank on you, kid.
Fuck you, paulie.
Captain or no captain, right now we're just two assho les lost in the woods.
Do yourself a favor, chrissy and go back to fucking sleep! Why, so you could choke me? What? You thin k i'm stupid.
I heard you on the phone trying to blame this on me.
The fuck you talking about? You fucked up wi th the russian prick, now you're worried about tony.
You'll wai t till i'm asleep, then you'll choke me, so he'll just have your version.
Choke you right now, you fuck! I'll leave you here, you one- shoe cocksucker! Put it down, chrissy.
You know how fast i can run.
I'll leave you in the fucking dust! All the shit we been through.
You think i'd really kill you? Yeah, i do.
Promise me you won't leave me here.
I'm not gonna leave you.
Paulie! Christopher! What do you think, what should we do? There's nothing we can do.
We'll wait till it's light, then we'll head in.
Let's get some fluids in you, we'll send you home later.
Oh, my god, are you okay? She was out all night, i couldn't stop her.
It's over.
He was cheating on me.
Holy shit.
We drove out to jersey, i caught them together.
She was a real whore, too.
Oh, my god.
That's horrible.
It's all my fault.
I shouldn't have pressured him like that.
You're bet ter off without him, meadow.
I mean , he was cute, but he was really boring.
You didn't know him like i did.
You don't know what it's like to grow up where we did! Whatever, mead, he was such a drip.
No, me wasn't, he was great! Bruno magli over here.
Which way, wha t do you think? Don't matter to me.
I ain't stopping till we hit cement.
A lotta strange people used to live in these woods.
Jackson whites, these weird looking albinos.
Paulie! Christopher! First place i'm hitting is denny's.
I know.
Get like five of those grand slam breakfasts.
Shit! What's the matter? Fucking thing' s loose already.
Motherfucker! What are you doing? What if we need the bullets? That's n o deer hunter.
Paulie! Christopher! Tony! Over here! Over here! Paulie! Christopher! Where are you? Over here, tony! Thank fuckin' god! You guys alright? What the f uck you shootin' at? Nothing, never mind.
Jesus christ, look at you two! All night in this fuckin' hell hole.
Alright, c'mon.
C'mon, easy.
Is this the spot? Yeah, but my fucking car's gone.
You sure this is where you left it? I'm positive.
Is the heat on? Jesus christ, i can't feel my toes.
You got any blankets? No, sorry.
Turn up the heat, huh? I can't believe it, i fuckin' loved that car.
Probably kids or something.
What if it was the guy? You got the money? It was in the car.
That's all i asked you to do, paulie.
I'm sorry, t, it couldn't be helped.
The guy fuckin' lunged at us.
Listen, ton', i know i fucked up, but-- it's okay, really.
Just forget it.
What do you think, you wanna look for this guy or what? You tell me.
Is it worth it? I hit him in the head, ton'.
I saw it with my own eyes.
Is it possible this fu ck made it outta here alive? It's hard to say.
Flesh wound maybe, head shot, i don't know.
On the other hand, anything's possible.
You're a captain, what do you wanna do? Fuck it, let's go home.
Alright.
But let's be clear on this right now.
If this cocksucker crawls out from under a rock he's your problem, not mine.
You deal with slava, you take the heat, you pay the price.
Capisce? Fine.
You got mayonnaise on your chin.
What? Mayonnaise, mayonnaise! I'm telling you, something's fucked up here.
Because one minute she's fine, next minute she's a fuckin' lunatic! I asked you whether or not she seemed like a happy person.
Oh, and by tha t i'm supposed to know she's gonna throw a fuckin' roast beef at my head? Read into things however you choose.
Why does everything gotta be so hard? I'm not saying i'm perfect, but i do the right thing by my family.
Doesn't that count for anything? I think we should discuss what attracted you to gloria in the first place.
We been through that already.
And irina before her.
Depressive personality, unstable, impossible to please.
Does that remind you of any other woman?