The Wild Wild West (1965) s03e11 Episode Script

New Athens isn't the biggest town in the Wyoming territory, but since it's stuck in the middle of nowhere, I am the sole distributor of ladies' needleware.
Got the market all sewed up.
Ha-ha-ha.
Joke.
"All sewed up.
" You get it? Ha-ha-ha.
Sir, if you don't stop boring us, you may very soon find your mouth all sewed up.
Was that a shot? What's happening? Why are we stopping? It would appear we're being held up.
It would appear.
Whoa.
All right, everybody out.
Quick, get out of there.
Don't, uh, be frightened, ma'am.
Under that mask, he's probably as worried as you are.
I said, out.
Come on, make it quick.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Say, you boys must not be from around here.
I mean, I could've told you.
Nobody ever robs this stage.
Never carries any money.
Mine shut down two years ago.
Shut up.
All right, all of you empty your pockets.
Give me that purse.
Oh, please- This man's dead.
This one too.
There doesn't seem to be any damage here.
I'll help the guard.
Hyah, hyah, hyah, hyah.
Ah, looks like they've lost their taste for the battle.
Personally, I'd rather not have their company the rest of the way to New Athens.
It would upset the lady.
Ah, never upset a lady.
You, uh, handled yourself very well.
And now, miss, if you'll allow me.
Guard, why don't you, uh, take my place? Guard, the rifle.
The gentlemen's walking stick packs quite a wallop.
Yeah, it does.
You call yourself men? Protect your property! Don't panic.
Don't panic, man.
Hold on, hold on.
Don't let them drive you out.
Don't let them drive you out.
In unity there is strength.
We can't be bluffed.
May I escort you to the hotel? We need some help around here.
We can't do it all.
Why are the people leaving town? Maybe they don't like it here.
Howdy.
You're the sheriff in town, huh? This badge sure ain't for dog catching.
I wonder if you might answer a few questions for me.
Make it quick.
Eating and talking at the same time ain't good for my digestion.
Why is everybody leaving town, sheriff? Wild rumors.
Nothing you can put your finger on.
Like what? Passel of gunslingers, bums, ex-cons.
They've been drifting into the territory.
Makes folks nervous.
Of course, I never seen 'em myself.
I understand they're camped outside of town.
Well, what if they did come into town? Well, if I saw them, I'd sure give it some thought.
I'll bet you would.
Sheriff, you better go easy on the starches.
Nobody likes a fat hero.
Howdy, mister.
Any particular selection you'd like to hear? Depends.
Do you know something recent by a man named Mason? If you're talking about Warner Mason, he hasn't written anything since he left Washington.
Either he's had some very urgent business elsewheres- Unlikely.
Or he's dead.
What about Arthur Cole? Eh.
Cole's been out of town.
Lunch at my place, as usual, darling? You bet, sugar.
Things must have been dull for you around here the last few days.
You know, you gotta get your information where you can.
Yeah, I know, I saw Sheriff Koster.
Well, Cole's expected back this afternoon, you know.
I better get out there this afternoon.
Then you join us, huh? Uh-huh.
It's about a mile east of town, a place called Pembroke Road.
That's, uh, Sally Yarnell.
She owns the joint.
What's the matter with everybody? Joe, you better play something, and liven these boys up.
Right, honey.
See you later, Joe.
Gentlemen.
Welcome home.
Mike.
That's not my brand, of course.
Mm.
People are staring.
I don't like that.
Well, it's sort of a shock, you coming back.
Shouldn't be.
This is my hometown.
I want to drink alone.
Clear the room.
Uh, listen, folks, the bar's closing.
Uh, sir, the bar is closed.
Why? Because the gentlemen prefers it that way.
But I came in here for a drink.
Now, look sir, I told you- I know what you told me.
Whiskey.
Mr.
Trayne drinks alone.
You've got an adverse effect on a lot of people in this town.
Homecomings can be emotional.
I told you I wanted some whiskey.
Uh, allow me.
This is the best whiskey in New Athens, Mr West.
James West.
I'm Mike Trayne.
You see, Mr.
Trayne didn't want to drink alone after all.
Oh, I did, but occasionally, I change my mind.
Me too.
I don't think I want this drink.
Even the best whiskey in New Athens.
Mr.
Trayne.
My, this silence is deafening.
Do you know-? Do you know "Little Liza Jane"? Um, no, not really, but I'll fake it.
Cole? Cole? Arthur Cole? Yes.
Well, it looks like I timed my arrival just right.
You haven't even unsaddled your horse yet.
Yeah, I just got back.
I didn't get your name.
Oh, I'm sorry.
My name is James West.
What can I do for you? I'm looking for a man named Walter Mason.
Has he contacted you yet? Mason? No, not yet.
But you did get a letter saying he was coming? I got a letter, but Mr.
Mason didn't show.
Uh, would you like one? Yeah, thanks.
When we got no report from Mason, we figured something might have happened to him.
That's why I'm here.
I see.
And since I am here, what was it, Mr.
Cole, that you wanted to tell the Secret Service that you couldn't put into a letter? Mason never wrote, told you before he disappeared? Well, if he had, Mr.
Cole, I wouldn't be here asking questions.
So you're completely in the dark, eh, Mr.
West? Yeah, that's about the size of it.
Blindly groping.
Agh! Cole? No.
Probably Cole's murderer.
He hit his head on this.
And Cole's dead? Yeah, I think so, Artie.
This man had a shovel when I first saw him.
Let's look around the back.
It looks like a freshly dug grave, Artie.
Yeah.
Cole's.
Which means we'll never find out from him what information he was trying to give us.
Or where Mason is, or if he's alive.
You know, there must be 15, camped at Willow Creek just outside of town.
More coming in every day.
Has there been any trouble in town? No, none.
Well, they look threatening enough, but they don't do anything.
You can't arrest a man for the way he looks.
The town's plenty scared.
Good, solid citizens have been packing up and leaving all week.
Artie, what is there in New Athens that would attract a band of cutthroats like that? You tell me.
The mines ran out long ago.
There's no heavy industry.
Town's poor as a church mouse.
Yet that scum sits out there at Willow Springs just waiting.
For what? Maybe for somebody to light a match.
Oh.
Uh, I better take the north path.
See you in town.
Yeah.
One more time! You people get out of town, or you're gonna get a lot worse than what your mayor's getting.
Hey, boys, you could drown a man like that.
Man can get killed butting into other people's business.
That s-? Ha-ha-ha! All right, hold it! All right, boys.
School's over.
Climb back on your horsies and go home.
Move! Don't forget what I said.
Get out of town.
Are you all right, mayor? It'd take more than six of that breed to scare a Cassidy away.
Hey, what's going on here? Well, if you'd have come around a little bit sooner, sheriff, you might have known what had happened.
He probably had his head buried in a bucket of food.
Now, look, you got no right to say that, Cassidy.
I didn't know anything till some kid bucked into my office a minute ago.
Well, you better hurry back before he steals your pie.
Eh.
Useless.
What were they trying to prove, mayor? Ah, they're trying to drive my people out by terrorizing me.
Well, don't you believe them, not any of them.
As long as we stand together, we'll win.
That's it.
Have spirit.
Hey, I don't believe I got your name, lad.
James West, mayor.
West.
West.
That's not an Irish name.
I'm not Irish, sir.
Oh, you must be.
Only an Irishman can fight that way.
Ah.
This is Mayor Cassidy, Mr.
West.
He's Irish.
Also the proprietor of the Cassidy General Store, the New Athens bank, and sundry other institutions here in town.
You, uh, fellas know each other.
Our paths have crossed before.
Aha.
Back east.
Well You don't fool me, Trayne.
Getting somebody else to do your dirty work for you doesn't make you any the less guilty.
Your good citizens nailed me once, Cassidy.
This time, you better be sure what you're saying.
Mr.
Trayne.
Odd, but when people are having their heads busted, you always seem to be around.
Seems to work out that way, doesn't it? You know him? I think I'm beginning to.
So you think it's Mike Trayne that's gathering this outlaw army outside of town.
Well, I have no proof, but he's got the motive.
Which is what? Three years ago, Trayne was a big man in this town.
Made it from the mines before they closed down.
Didn't I hear he was also engaged to Miss Yarnell? Aye.
That's the lady that runs the saloon? The same.
Trayne bashed in the head of a fella who was paying her too much attention.
He claimed he was justified, but the people of New Athens didn't agree.
They sent him to prison.
And he was just released from prison.
Aye.
Now he's come back to take his vengeance.
Know a Arthur Cole, Pembroke Road? Oh, very well.
Arthur's one of my best friends.
He's even more disturbed than I am about this cutthroat army that's gathering outside town.
We never realized who was behind it till Trayne arrived today.
He'll be very interested to know that when he gets back.
He won't be coming back.
He's dead.
What? Dead? When? Less than an hour ago.
Why, the filthy scum.
I'll have him arrested.
No, not Trayne.
He wouldn't have done his own dirty work.
He's got a whole army gathering for that.
What's the sheriff doing about this? That dunderhead? Ah.
He's too fat and too yellow to fight.
I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that Trayne had him in his pocket.
That could account for how somebody got out to Cole's place before you did.
Mayor, while you're trying to keep every able-bodied man from evacuating this town, we're going to try and stop Trayne's army.
Well, back to that keyboard.
Well, it could be worse, Artie.
You could trade your piano in for a rifle.
Eh, think I'll just learn a new song.
Mayor.
Thank you.
Hello, Sal.
Why did you come back, Mike? You too? You of all people should know why.
I don't need the kind of trouble you bring.
Look at this place.
Look at New Athens.
You've scared everybody out.
Now, Sal, don't be uncharitable.
All I want is for everything to- To go back the way that it used to be.
Especially you, Sal.
You and I Uh, excuse me.
I was just wondering whether Miss Yarnell would honor those, uh, gentlemen over there with a song? I've decided that Miss Yarnell will spend the rest of the day with me.
What has the lady decided? The lady agrees.
"Captain William Gates, commander, Fort Savage.
Stop.
"Request detachment "proceed immediately to New Athens.
Stop.
James West.
Stop.
" You think they're really gonna come, Mr.
West? The outlaws, I mean.
Well, better safe than sorry.
Well, that settles it.
Mayor or no mayor, I'm taking my family and getting- You will send that message first, won't you, please? What is it? What's wrong? I don't get an acknowledgement.
The line's dead.
Like I said, the line's dead.
Easy.
Don't be running off.
Don't be running off.
Hey, where you-? Don't be running away.
Don't abandon it.
You're abandoning the town of New Athens! You're leaving it to the scum! Don't be running off! What are you going to do? Aw, it ain't no use, Cassidy.
It's gonna take real men like you and me and old Lizzy here.
They're all scared of their shadows.
Well, that telegraph clerk sure spread the word in a hurry.
I'm afraid even Cassidy can't keep them here now.
So you think Trayne knows who we are? I think he wants to find out how much we know, Artie, before he makes his move.
Care to join us? I'm sorry.
I didn't know where to turn.
I- I'm frightened.
Of Mike Trayne? You didn't seem very frightened of him the last time I saw you two together.
If I hadn't done that, he would have killed you.
Why didn't you leave with the others? He won't let me.
Can't you help me get away? You know, Jim, with the telegraph out, one of us is going to have to ride to Fort Savage for help.
Oh, take me with you, please.
I'm a good rider.
I won't hold you up.
Artie, if you left now, you could be back with the troopers by sundown tomorrow.
Fine.
A young lady like this would be marvelous for the moral at Fort Savage anyway.
Please.
Mr.
Gordon? Yes.
There's been a slight change of plan.
Well, now, that would be fine, Miss Yarnell, except that you can't change plans very much with a gun that has no bullets in it.
Cardinal rule of mine.
Never travel next to a loaded gun unless you're sure it belongs to a very dear friend.
Very well put, Mr.
Gordon.
And now, if you'll be good enough to surrender your gun belt? Why must it always be so complicated? Miss Yarnell tells me that you and Mr.
West are government men sent here to look for Walter Mason.
Whom you have no doubt already had killed.
However, your message, um, to the army didn't get through, so there will be no resistance when my men move in on the town.
And all for revenge, Trayne.
The citizens of New Athens took everything I had.
What can you do in return? You can't steal a whole town.
No.
No, but you can erase it, take away from it all that endures in memory.
You see, I'm going to burn New Athens to the ground.
And with it, all the public and private records: papers, deeds, transactions, certificates of birth and death.
In short, all the paper symbols of permanence.
There'll be nothing left to show that New Athens ever existed.
You may find the citizens giving you more of a fight than you bargained for, Trayne.
Well, my, uh, partner back in town assures me that the citizens have left.
There'll be no resistance.
Yeah, but supposing that crazy Trayne sends his men in before the soldiers get here? We're gonna prepare for that right now, sheriff.
Mayor Cassidy.
Mayor.
He probably took off with the others, which you'd do if you had any sense.
And leave you to defend this town all by yourself? By myself? Look, I didn't mean- Especially after the raw courage you've shown? No, no, sheriff.
I couldn't leave you.
Now, we're gonna need some bullets, gunpowder.
We've got a full night's work ahead of us.
Sheriff.
Huh? Oh.
Uh, guard.
I think you'd better have a look at this axle back here.
It's been creaking.
It's about ready to go.
That way! You know, Mr.
West, heh-heh, I ain't been this excited since Colonel Cattidge Montgomery and me took on 150 Siouxs at Flat Creek.
Boy, that was a fight.
And me and old Lizzy here have been a polecat-killing, rattlesnake-drilling team for a long, long time.
It is glad we are to have you and Lizzy with us, Jeremiah.
Mr.
West, when do you expect your friend to return with the soldiers? Sundown.
Well, I'll go over and cover the bank.
They're coming in! Heh-heh-heh.
Hyah! Hyah.
Artie, how did you get back here so fast? I'm back here because I never got there.
Sally's in league with Trayne.
They were waiting for me.
You mean, the army ain't coming at all? I'm afraid that's the general idea, sheriff.
Well, that tears it.
We'll never be able to stop Trayne now.
Not if we stand around here crying.
Why don't you men strengthen this barricade.
How's the armament situation, Jim? Well, we got plenty of rifles and bullets.
What we need is a psychological heavy weapons.
You mean, like howitzers and mortars? And we'll need some black powder.
Yeah.
Wire, nails, uh, stovepipe.
Uh-huh.
Fireworks and maybe some baking powder.
And some ladies' garters.
Finished with that, sheriff? Just got to put in the nails.
Fire! Come on, you yeller-belly, chicken-liver polecats! Come on! Trayne, what the devil are you doing in here? You think I really believed you were going to meet me next week, Cassidy? Oh, come now.
Get out of here.
Leave me to do what needs to be done.
If the proper records are not destroyed, some clever snoop will get wise to it.
Wise to you, Cassidy.
All right, all right, to me.
Now, look, Trayne, we agreed- Yes, yes, yes, yes, we agreed, but I've been thinking it's a little uneven.
The way it works out, I take all the risk.
Let's not forget who's been emptying that vault the past six months.
Except the way you've set it up, it's Mike Trayne taking his well-publicized revenge by burning the town and this bank to the ground.
Nobody ever knows that the bank's ever been robbed, and the benevolent Mayor Cassidy comes out clean as a whistle.
We haven't time to argue.
Cassidy, I've made other arrangements.
What do you mean? Well, it's not very complicated.
I've decided to keep it all for myself, Cassidy.
I'm not going to give you any.
Prison has made you loco, Trayne.
Is it here? Let's find out.
Where has he kept the money? The store.
I heard he had a secret safe there.
Come on.
Mike, look.
If they burn that store, we'll never find it.
Come on.
We'll go around the back.
Aagh! Now, where? I think he has a wall safe.
Mike.
Mike, are you all right? There it is.
Thousands.
Get something to put it in.
Get ready to fire, sheriff.
Mike, hurry, before they set fire to this place.
What's your hurry, Sally? You're not going anyplace.
What are you talking about? I've, uh, decided I'm going to leave here alone.
What about me? You.
You'd have been very happy to see me blown to pieces by that rigged mirror.
Mike, you're- You're wrong.
I mean, I-I didn't know.
Sally.
You wanted Cassidy and me to kill each other so you could have it all to yourself, hm? Oh, Mike.
You know, there was a time you preferred me instead of money.
Mm.
It's, uh, been a long three years for both of us.
It won't be prison this time, Trayne.
I saw Cassidy, and I saw your trademark on his skull.
Do you always dissolve partnerships that way? You know, I thought that you and I were going to have a basic disagreement sooner or later, West.
That's it, Trayne.
How are things in the street? They're very quiet now.
That's what he was after, huh? That's part of what he was after.
Hello, sheriff.
I'm afraid we're leaving you with something of a mess out there, but the townspeople should be coming back soon.
I'm glad I didn't leave when they did.
Maybe you can live with them now.
And myself.
Good luck.
Thank you, Mr.
Gordon.
And thank you, Mr.
West.
Sheriff.
Yeah? Watch the starches.
You know, whoever said there was honor among thieves had obviously never been to New Athens.
You know, Artie, their particular kind of breed left two of them dead and Sally in prison for 10 years.
Yeah.
Listen to this, will you, Jim? You just convinced me.
I should've suspected Sally from the beginning.
What do you mean? Well, anyone that would hire you to play a piano had to have a mean streak clear through.
Oh, that's very funny.
That's very funny.