Angel s03e12 Episode Script

- Previously: - His son's part of the prophecy.
The Nyazian scroll said it wouldn't be born.
Darla died during childbirth.
She sacrificed herself for the child.
I'm his family.
My job is to be everything for him.
- We have to get that baby.
- Bogey at the back door! Everyone will come for him.
- No one will touch this child.
- The visions are killing me.
Humans can't handle the visions.
Only demons can.
So demonize me already.
We have to solve my vision.
The one I'm having now.
- Cordy.
- What? Holtz, Daniel.
Vampire killer.
Circa 1754.
I know what it's like to grieve.
I want to help you.
Stay the hell away from me.
- I'll teach you to fight.
- What's in it for you? - Help me kill a vampire.
- You don't need me.
I do.
This vampire is strong.
Sixty.
Seventy.
Eighty.
One.
Two.
Three.
Angel.
How's the Connor fund? There was $1.
83 in change in the cushions.
That's perfectly good money just laying around.
- How's it going? - Moments away.
Make that bigger.
Bold but, you know, tasteful.
Tasteful.
Sure.
You are so cute.
Yes, you are.
You're just the best little boy in the whole world.
- How's my little man? - Where has his father been? Papa's got mouths to feed.
I have a mouth too.
Always have had one.
Kind of known for it, and we've fed it fine for years.
Yes.
Angel, I'm glad you wanna take care of your son.
I am.
Just don't lose sight of the mission.
We have to earn money.
Not just for Connor.
First and foremost, we work for The Powers.
Help the helpless.
Promise me we won't neglect that.
I promise.
I promise.
Well? We hired some guys.
Nice! I'd call me.
Wouldn't you? Hey, the website's up.
We're live.
We're live, little guy.
Come on.
Beautiful.
We're online.
We got flyers, yellow pages.
Welcome to a new era of Angel Investigations.
All we do now is wait for that phone to ring and the money to roll in.
Because someone's gotta clothe and educate and feed this little guy, huh? Yep.
All we have to do is wait.
It's just a matter of time.
Don't worry.
This town's full of people with problems.
Come on, come on! Come on! Fabrizio's Pizza.
Is this the right phone number? That's the last of them.
Six thousand new ones.
- Adorable.
- So sweet.
- I meant the baby.
- I meant the hot mama.
- Sorry about the mix-up.
- We can't afford more mistakes.
Making mistakes costs money and money's our number one priority.
Lorne.
If this is about the baby formula I snagged, sorry.
It was that or a glass of pig's blood.
By the way, baby formula and Kahlúa, not bad.
Find out what Holtz is up to.
He's out there.
We can't forget it.
- He's our number one priority.
- I thought-- Finding Holtz and making money are our two priorities.
Helping the helpless, Holtz and making money are our three number one priorities.
Hey, look, we've got some hits on our website! Angel Investigations.
May I help you? Angel Investigations.
- Absolutely.
- We're in business.
You should be thanking me.
For disobeying an order? For dusting two vamps.
Two vampires from whom I had told you to walk away.
- Guess I misunderstood.
- Which is why we're here.
Would a couple light bulbs and some plumbing kill you? We are here to determine whether or not you have the commitment necessary for the work at hand.
At hand? That's a joke, right? Why are you wasting my time? What do you want from me? I just told you.
Commitment.
Something you must now convince me you have.
So I've explained why I'm doing this.
Why are you? Let's just say feeling something is better than feeling nothing.
Take it out anytime you like.
If you're here when I return we'll consider the next phase of our partnership.
Welcome to Angel Investigations, Mr Bleeshusengrung.
Have a seat and an associate will be right with you.
- Lorne, non-human on deck.
- Coming.
The guys with the face plates, they're Nahdrahs.
I speak their lingo, sort of.
They have a job for our leader and a lot of money.
- Let's not keep them waiting.
- Our leader being Wesley.
They saw his web articles on DNA fusion comparisons in Tri-ped demons.
Wesley, Wesley.
Talk to the Nahdrahs.
- Office free? It's kind of personal.
- Yeah, go.
This keeps up, we may have to incorporate, huh? - We're getting stretched thin here.
- We can handle it.
Really? Why don't you handle it by picking up lines two, three and four? Angel Investigations.
Your problems are ours.
Okay, how urgent is it? What do you do for a living? Good company.
You own it? Okay, hold on.
Pen, paper, quick.
I don't sleep.
I'm afraid to go out or answer the phone.
I hate stalkers.
We'll put a stop to it.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
- So do you know who this guy is? - Yeah.
It's Brian, my ex-boyfriend.
- Have you been to the police? - Yeah.
They act like I'm some kind of nut.
Like I'm just making it up.
The cops don't do a thing till somebody's dead.
- Somebody is dead.
- Who? Brian.
Isn't that the kind of stuff you guys deal with? All the time.
So your dead boyfriend is stalking you? Well, I mean, he's not my boyfriend now.
The article I'm currently writing posits a formula for the genome mapping of creatures without genes.
It's an exciting arena.
One we can download at I'll-never- know-the-love-of-a-woman dot-com.
Let's get to business.
They wanna buy your head.
A little rusty with the lingo.
I should clarify that.
They want your mind.
They're celebrating the prince's.
It's like a birthday, only they're disgorged, not born.
They need you to solve a puzzle so they can give it to him.
- Could be interesting.
- They're puzzle people.
Did you see their tunics? Geometric shapes.
Each a prime number, if you count the edges arranged in order of exponential accumulation.
Yes, I didnot notice that at all.
They wanna know why your girlfriend was pointing.
I better tell them.
She's not my-- Silly.
- Did I say something wrong? - No, no, no, they liked you.
So much they ran away? They either have to consult with the prince or eat a monkey.
Wes, I think I need you.
Great.
I'm on my way.
- Big case.
Gotta run.
Here.
- Oh.
He needs changing.
Oh, and a bottle, 3:00.
Hi, there.
Right.
Yeah, okay.
That's good for us.
Tell him a six-month million-dollar guarantee, and we'll cover the cost.
Yeah.
No, I get that.
But we need a decision by tomorrow.
Somebody walked into my office.
I'll call you.
- Mr.
Angel.
- Just Angel.
Harlan Elster.
Thanks for meeting me.
No problem.
I know what it's like when your name's on the letterhead and.
- You're not exactly what I pictured.
- No? You're pretty well-coifed.
You're not afraid to get a little mussed, are you? That's what you'll be just by going in there.
- In where? - 83rd and Vermont.
Used to be low-income housing.
Now it's a nest.
Boarded-up windows, no electricity, sewer access.
They like it dark.
- Vampires.
- Whole gang.
Those photos were taken by the last guy.
What happened to him? He got mussed.
You have much experience with vampires? - Some.
- Well, not like these.
They're not out for blood.
They want money.
- Money? - Yeah, I know.
Whoever heard of a vampire out to make a buck, right? They're putting the squeeze on businessmen.
We pay them a protection fee, and they don't eat our employees.
- They're demanding $5000 by midnight.
- Wow.
I'm prepared to pay you 10 to make this problem go away.
Five thousand now.
Remainder when the job's finished.
That would make 10.
Which is more than they're asking you for.
- But this isn't about money.
- No, of course it's not about that, money.
I'll get right on this.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
- What are you doing in my office? - Mr.
Elster.
Decided to stick around.
You asked me what I wanted from you.
Go out and find others like you.
People who have suffered as we have.
People with the same rage, the same fire.
You'll know them when you see them.
Their eyes will look like this feels.
Are we clear? Have we learned our lessons, Justine? We're clear.
You son of a bitch.
Is this country great, or what? All I have to do to get 5000 more is clean out a vamp nest.
- Where's Wes and Gunn? - On a case.
A young woman's dead boyfriend is stalking her.
- That's terrible.
Did you--? - I ran her credit.
Nice.
How's my little magna cum laude, Notre Dame, class of 2020? I don't think it's a great idea to be working on so many cases at once.
What if we're out making money and some poor devil comes in for our help? - Buon giorno, everybody! - Have you been drinking? I can hold my liquor.
Unfortunately I can't say the same for fire water.
- Aren't they the same? - Hey, Fred.
This is special fire water, used to loosen up my Gar-wawk snitch.
They light the water on fire and a bong and look out, Houston! - You learn anything about Holtz? - Yeah.
He's not fond of you.
I'm led to believe that he and his Grapplers had plans toyou.
- Is my breath stinky? - Yeah.
Holtz is using the Grapplers as soldiers.
No, he poisoned them, and he's looking for human replacements.
- We know where he is? - I got rats looking all over town.
Not real rats, except two of them.
I don't feel good.
We've got company.
Lorne? It's all snap-crackle-pop to me.
These are the guys that wanted Wesley.
- Not anymore.
Now they want Fred.
- For what? They think she can solve the puzzle they wanna give to their prince.
- They weren't offended, but impressed.
- Really? Where would she have to go and how long would it take? They live on a barge docked in the marina.
And a day or two.
Depends on how long it takes her to solve it.
- You game? - Sure.
You have to go.
Tell them it won't be cheap.
They're getting two employees.
That's salary, per diem, overtime.
Okay, okay.
They apologize for the paltry offering and hope you'll accept.
$50,000?! - Fifty - thousand dollars? We accept.
I consider myself independent, and it's hard to ask for help but it feels good for you to be here.
That woman's right.
You inspire confidence.
- Which woman? - Brunette.
Really cute.
Texan, maybe.
- Fred.
- Fred.
Said I inspire confidence.
- The comment was directed at me.
- Really? Because I don't think so.
Here, this is Brian.
Not exactly a rocket scientist.
But he's so sweet.
Ever meet somebody and know you belong together? It feels-- - Comfortable.
- Comfortable.
- You read the same science journals.
- Laugh at the same jokes.
And the sex.
Oh, God, do I miss the sex.
Tell me about it.
So explain this.
How can Brian be stalking me if he's dead? Witchcraft, black magic, voodoo zombification, demon possession, vampirism.
Why's he here? What does he want? Perhaps he left something unfinished.
Something he wants to say.
He may just want to eat your intestines.
We don't know that he's a zombie.
And the flesh-eating's a myth.
Zombies mangle, mutilate and occasionally wear human flesh.
So there's no reason to be frightened.
Right, then.
Zombie it is.
Are you okay? I was seasick when we were still on dry land.
- Do I look greener than usual? - A little.
Nice décor.
It's sort of a Jules Verne meets Leona Helmsley.
Come on.
Oh, great.
They want to take our picture.
Oh, terrific.
This is the puzzle.
I'm guessing it fits together in a sort of algorismic sequence.
Any hints? Just one.
He said if they knew how to do it, you wouldn't be here.
So.
Causation corollary.
Causatum corollary.
Are we talking a closed curve in a simply connected domain of zero? That would be too easy, wouldn't it? Oh, hors d'oeuvres.
I couldn't.
I had eyeballs and insects for breakfast.
Aren't we just the scary serial vamps with the spooky lair? And the taking of the trophies of our victims? Lame.
Next time you hit the yard sales, avoid the wooden furniture.
I hear wicker's nice.
Oh, great.
Two more.
Dibs on the coat.
- Excuse me.
- What do you want? - I'm looking for Harlan Elster.
- I'm Harlan Elster.
- That's bad.
- How's it bad? Well, because the Harlan Elster I'm looking for gave me this.
Really? Well, he gave me this.
At least mine's real.
The man who forged my name, your height? Less beat up? Yeah, that's him.
Sam Ryan.
Used to work for me.
Fired him six months ago.
He came to me to bankroll his kooky scheme.
- Kooky scheme? - He's been off since his friend died.
Wanted me to pay some ghostbuster to clean out an abandoned rat-hole.
He was convinced vampires were nesting there.
Some people would take advantage of a guy like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Immortals living in a rat-infested building, guarding their treasure.
Right.
Treasure? There's an ascending and descending causation instantly proved by that.
I think I'm onto something here.
Yeah, me too.
Unfortunately it requires a vomitorium.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
I'll just go use the facilities.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks.
Hm.
Well, I figured it was a long shot.
But I really can float, you know.
Well, I did at one time during my last vision.
Somebody needs a change.
Before that, believe me there was no "floaty at peace with my destiny" to the visions.
There was just killer pain.
Unfortunately, that's not an exaggeration.
They really were killing me.
So The Powers That Be put a little demon in me.
And as far as side effects go the visions are a breeze now.
I don't know what else might be in store.
I'm keeping an eye out for horns and a tail.
It just occurred to me what a weird life you're in for, little guy.
Your Aunt Cordy gets visions and your daddy's a.
Well, you won't see him aging a whole lot or catching surf and sun in Malibu.
But he is a good man, a champion, and he loves you very much.
Plus he's quite the natty dresser.
And your daddy's out right now fighting evil for money.
- Give it back.
- I've earned it.
Is it a Rolex? Timex.
Considering the trouble you went through, we know it's not just a watch.
- That's true.
It's not.
- Probably worth more than 10 grand.
A lot more.
What's it do? Open a portal? Raise an army? It glows in the dark.
Probably about all it will do now.
They cracked it when they took it off him.
I told him to let them have it, but he wouldn't give it up.
- It was the first thing I bought him.
- These vampires killed your friend.
I'm sorry about what I did.
I didn't know what to do.
- So you lied to me.
- I'm sorry.
I didn't kill three vampires for nothing.
Ten grand, that was the deal.
- Seven.
- Fine, I'll take seven.
You said three vampires.
There were seven.
- Which would make four more? - Four more.
You're gonna discover there's a lot of cool things in this world.
Fifty grand, way up there on the list.
We're just gonna lock this up in the safe and-- Right after this vision.
Oh, God.
Fred, don't solve that puzzle.
Shouldn't be long now.
Do you know how much longer we'll be? I've got plans this evening.
We've taken every precaution, secured every entrance-- With the exception of the skylight.
Allie! Allie, baby, I just-- Into the bedroom! Well, your Uncle Wes and Uncle Gunn, not picking up either.
And your daddy, he doesn't know how to work voice mail or keep a promise.
So we'll go down to the marina, return the money and explain it was all a big mistake.
Allie, why won't you talk to me? Because you're dead! Now, go away! I'm paying good money here.
Can you please get rid of him? Just give me another chance, baby.
- Who are they? - We're protecting her from you.
Protection? I thought you were dating them.
This is exactly why I broke up with you.
You're suffocating me.
Now, get lost! - What's he doing? - Pouting.
Okay, that's it.
You know, this is so typical of you.
You're all bluster, then you pout.
- I thought we had fun together.
- We did.
But you're needy.
Needy? Because I cared? Caring didn't entitle you to read my diary, follow me.
I never-- Okay, I read your diary.
Does that give you any reason to poison me? What? - You'll believe a zombie? - She killed you? - I'd forgive her if she took me back.
- You're kidding.
No.
I've seen the guys you're going out with, and you're not having any fun.
Come on.
Let's give it another shot.
What do you say, baby? Me and you.
- I can't.
It's creepy.
- Come on.
I miss you.
Well, I don't know.
Maybe I was a little hasty.
Will that be cash or charge? All right, you're kidding me, right? Sorry.
I don't get paid, I can't fight.
- I can't hold this by myself.
- Yeah, I see that.
- They're coming through.
- Okay.
I'll help barricade it.
But that's it.
I'm sorry I lied to you.
You did the wrong thing.
Your heart was in the right place.
- Your motives were noble.
- Thank you.
- I've been accused of nobility.
- Well, then you understand.
Being a champion's not all good deeds and happy endings.
A lot goes on behind the scenes.
People don't consider that.
- We got real trouble here.
- We can work something out.
- Own a car? - The bank owns it.
- House? - I rent.
How's your credit? I spent everything I had tracking these guys.
I don't know what to say.
I can't kill on deferment.
Sets a precedent.
Oh, it was nothing.
Are we going somewhere to celebrate? Say, has anyone seen my friend with the horns? He wasn't feeling so good, and I'm a little worried about him.
And me, now.
Yeah, I know.
We're in a bit of a situation here.
Oh, God.
I don't have to marry him, do I? In fact, no.
And that's something we can be grateful for.
What are they gonna do? The prince's head, or heads, wear out every so often and they-- Cut off someone else's and give him a new one? Uh.
Lorne, help! Help! Hey! I'd just like a word here.
You guys are so gonna get your butts kicked.
- Lorne.
- Sorry.
I yield to the person not tied up.
- Translate.
- Okay.
There's been a terrible misunderstanding.
And I know you're men of honor, and I know we can make an exchange in a civilized manner.
We return your gift, and you return Fred.
Sorry, but we need her head at work.
- Firmly attached to her body.
- That goes without saying.
Say it.
I told them what they had to do and what would happen if they didn't.
We are in no position to threaten.
Sure we are.
Angel, Wes and Gunn can take them.
- Where are they, anyway? - Out making money.
So when I said they were surrounded by warriors, I was stretching the truth? Just enough to get us all killed.
What about the complimentary barricading? It's gonna give.
I'm getting you out of here.
- Let's go.
- No, you go.
- What? - I'm not leaving.
I can't.
- You can take four vampires alone? - Probably not.
But they killed Jack.
If I run now, I'll run forever.
Do you think this is what Jack would want? I think Jack would want to be here, but that's never gonna happen.
You take on a job in good faith, you expect to be compensated.
You provide the best service you can offer.
Quality service.
But there's overhead, there's rent, three phone lines, advertising.
It adds up.
Here.
Thank you.
I can't even begin to express my.
I owe you.
- You're a real champion.
- Whatever.
Hello? Hello? Hello? - I think that's your voice mail.
- Damn it.
- Lorne, do these guys have groins? - Is that important right now? - Work with me here.
- I think so.
I never knew one intimately.
Help! Help her! - Fred! - Fred! Well, I guess you cut off the snake's head.
You piss the other snakes off.
- I should have listened to you.
- Yeah.
- I shouldn't have left you two alone.
- Well, yeah.
If you can keep your head when those about you lose theirs, you're lucky.
I could kiss you both.
Still tied up down here.
- My hands are turning pink.
- Can I say something? Money's important, but it isn't everything.
I got carried away.
I just never had a life that was totally dependent on me before.
But that's no excuse.
- Where was I? - Money's not the most important.
No, it's not.
What's important is family and the mission.
They tried to cut Fred's head off.
We earned every penny.
- Hold the baby.
- Uh-huh.
Spending money.
All right! I'm just saying, a boat.
No.
College fund.
Yes, college fund.
And pay our bills.
And put a down payment on a boat.
I'm not getting a boat.
They're fun.
They're expensive.
And when would I go on this boat? Moonlight sails.
Okay.
College fund, pay our bills and rent a ski condo in Aspen.
Ski condo? There's gotta be some fun in our lives.
I like a ski condo.
Sure.
Snow.
Trees.
Chipmunk robots on ice.
Chipmunk robots on ice.