Batman (1966) s03e12 Episode Script

NARRATOR".
Another crystal-clear day in Londinium.
Though things are getting a bit thick in Superintendent Watson's office in venerable Ireland Yard.
Before we left Ffogg Place, we had ample evidence that Lord Ffogg and Lady Peasoup could be the culprits you called us here from Gotham City to uncover.
The Delayed-Action Knock-Out Fog Capsule that exploded in the Batmobile cinched it.
Luckily, our General Emergency Batextinguisher took care of that.
Do you suppose those highwaymen might have planted something similar on Batgirl's Cycle, Batman? Batgirl's Cycle? Yes, she turned up outside Ffogg Place.
Don't ask me how or why or where she went.
We never really saw her Batgirl Cycle.
Remember, old churn? She may have escaped completely unscathed.
But how can Lord Ffogg be involved in these robberies, Batman? With his gout so bad? You saw his foot yourself.
Possibly an act.
Well, was it an act too that Lady Peasoup invited Ms.
Gordon, the commissioner's own daughter to join the faculty of Ffogg Place even for a short while? I strongly recommend she does not accept.
And I strongly recommend that we do not offend one of the most aristocratic families in the land.
Holy gullibility.
Pardon me, commissioner, but she's headed for trouble.
Lady Prudence, Lord Ffogg's daughter Barbara, your ears must be burning.
We were just talking about you.
Favorably, I trust.
Your secretary asked me to bring this parcel in to Batman, superintendent.
It just arrived and she said I needn't knock-- Huh! Look out, Batman, it's smoking.
Yes, it seems about to explode.
You better all stand back.
Three silver bells.
Holy tintinnabulation.
They're pretty.
But what could they mean? It could be a clue of some kind.
Or a come-on.
Exactly, Robin.
Superintendent, isn't there a famous pub somewhere in Londinium named the Three Bells? Oh, indeed there is, Batman.
On the river in the dock area.
Many's the pint of wallop I have there.
Ha, ha.
Or had, I should say, before the hippies took over.
- Hippies? -The mod set.
Barnaby Street.
They've taken over the Three Bells.
Is there some kind of objective there that a canny criminal might be interested in? Well, uh, ships loading and unloading in the dock area nearby.
But wait.
There's a ship due to leave the dock near the Three Bells late today.
With a cargo of materials and patterns from Barnaby Street, bound for our dominions.
Holy rising hemlines.
Are we being dared to stop a robbery of miniskirts, Batman? NARRATOR".
And shortly at Ffogg Place Our possible hostage is arriving any minute now, Marmaduke.
And I don't see why the girls and I are expected to go down to the docks and be by the Three Bells.
It was your idea, my sweet, to lift that cargo bound for the dominions from Barnaby Street.
Yes, but that was before we decided to fog in on the Crown Jewels in the Tower of Londinium.
A master plan involves various stages of preparation, Penelope.
This stage involves not only the purloining of a shipment of material thereby controlling the fashion world of Londinium but getting rid of Batman once and for all.
Batman, who, if he has received my pungent parcel should be in the Three Bells.
Ms.
Gordon, Your Ladyship.
How nice to see you again, Ms.
Gordon.
But I'm afraid we've had a slight change of plan.
The girls and I have to run into Londinium and Lord Ffogg has an appointment in the city too.
I'm so glad to see your gout is better, Lord Ffogg.
MY gout? Oh, yes.
It always improves with the change of weather.
Well, I'll have a chance to meet the rest of the faculty, anyway.
I am the rest of the faculty, Ms.
Gordon.
Along with Lady Prudence, of course.
Speaking of Lady Prudence, sister dear, I think she should remain here with Ms.
Gordon.
I think she'll show Ms.
Gordon everything Ms.
Gordon should be shown.
And now that we've gotten you all the way out to Ffogg Place, we're not going to let you go.
Meanwhile in Londinium's dock area This is the pub, old chum.
And that appears to be the ship.
With its cargo from Barnaby Street.
Let's go.
Not you, Robin.
They have strict licensing laws in this country.
A boy of your age is not allowed in a tavern.
But if it's been taken over by the hippies and mod set You're far from mod, Robin.
And many hippies are older than you are.
Why don't you wait by the Batmobile? I have a hunch that you'll be of good use there.
You'll know where to find me if you need me.
Right, Batman.
A far cry from the old days, Your Lordship.
It was more fun when the Three Bells was full of foot pegs and cutthroats.
- Aye, me folks used to come here then.
-The world changes, fellows.
Skirts go up and beards grow out, but a pound note still does its job.
Yeah, you're right.
Sure.
Batman.
Batman, indeed.
Delighted to see that your gout has cleared up, Lord Ffogg.
You're the second observant person I've met today.
- Would you care to join us in a tankard? -I don't drink.
Not to drink, old boy? What are you doing in this pub? I suspect you can answer that better than I.
No doubt I can.
Very agile, Batman, but hardly observant.
Otherwise you'd have realized that every person in this pub knows where his next meal is coming from.
NARRATOR".
And while the Caped Crusader is cornered - Oh, it's Robin, the Boy Wonder.
-Oh.
I'm out of my skin.
You're out of your mind.
He's cut the boat loose.
It's drifting away.
With all those crazy mod materials.
Use your wits, girls, as you've been taught.
- You too, Duchess.
-Groovy.
You 20th-century witch, Lady Peasoup.
You know I wouldn't fight a female.
Even a small army of females.
Spoken like a true gentleman, Boy Wonder.
Gosh, what marvelous threads.
Now, now, now, girls, stop gushing and pick him up.
We must get out of here.
NARRATOR".
Back in their rendezvous outside Ffogg Place I don't understand that Lady Prudence, Alfred.
Lord Ffogg's daughter.
But I strongly suspect Lady Peasoup is running a school for gentlecrooks not gentlewomen.
- She told you that? -Not in so many words.
But I think there's strong feeling between her and her aunt.
And Lady Prudence could be playing all sides against each other for reasons of her own.
- How did you get away? -It wasn't easy.
I'll explain later.
Now, back to the city to report to your father? No, back to Lord Ffogg's Cricket Pavilion.
It's the only place she didn't show me, and I may learn something from it.
Lord Ffogg allows no one but his sister and himself inside it.
And I'm not at all sure that I can allow you, miss.
Batgirl can take care of herself, Alfred.
But you can do something for me.
Get a message to my father telling him I'll be staying here later than I'd expected.
And ask him to alert Batman.
- Can you do that? -I can certainly try, miss.
NARRATOR".
So it's back to being Batgirl for Barbara Gordon.
And in due time slipping into the forbidden Cricket Pavilion at Ffogg Place.
"Count of Claremont's coin collection.
" "Duchess of Desborough's diamonds.
" "Her Majesty's priceless snuffboxes.
" And "Lady Easterland's jeweled Easter eggs.
" NARRATOR".
But whose side is Prudence on? While in the Three Bells pub By now, Lady Peasoup should be in control of the boat's cargo.
She should be in control of Barnaby Street and the Londinium world of fashions.
A step closer to the king of crime mounting a suitable throne and wearing the Crown Jewels.
So we may leave and leave Batman here.
Here, Your Lordship? Aren't you asking for a spot of trouble, sir? - Blimey.
- Don't worry, mates.
Dynamic Dolt will remember nothing of what has happened when I get through with him.
Thanks to this remarkable device which when fastened to his skull and activated will reverse the recollection center.
I know nothing about your remarkable device, Lord Ffogg.
But your grisly game is almost up.
Proof of your villainy is inscribed indelibly on my mind.
Which will shortly be erased.
Hold his head still.
Behold.
No man has ever been more fogbound than Batman at this very moment.
You may untie him.
He may not be able to move for a moment or two but when he does, his mind will be completely blank.
A pretty puzzlement for our friends at Ireland Yard.
Toodle-loo, old boy.
Good gracious, sir.
What's happened to you? I don't know.
Who are you, sir? Who am I? I better get you to the Batcave at once.
Batcave? Yes.
You know, the Londinium Batcave.
Whatever's happened to Master Robin? Robin? Well, never mind that.
We'll talk about that later.
Now, you just get into this car.
Come on.
That's it.
I'll drive.
It appears, sir, that you're suffering from a severe loss of memory.
Fortunately, however, I packed the Recollection Cycle Bat Restorer for this little overseas trip.
Now, sit down, sir.
It won't take a minute.
Here we go.
I don't know about this.
You may hear a bit of a buzzing at first.
Aah! Of course.
I remember everything now.
You're Alfred, I'm Batman.
But what could have happened to Robin? I remember leaving him in front of that pub to guard the boat with Barnaby Street's materials.
There was no boat by that dock, sir.
Yes, I remember.
I remember not seeing the boat, I remember not seeing Robin, I re-- Possibly he's got in touch with Commissioner Gordon at venerable Ireland Yard.
Good thinking, Alfred.
I'll place a call right now to Superintendent Watson.
Sure, and it was a fine flight I had over.
And it's a beautiful city you have here too, superintendent.
I'm only sorry I have to turn right around and go back home.
Better for you to convey the minutes of the last meeting to Mayor Linseed in person, Chief O'Hara, rather than trust them to the mails.
I can't argue about that, commissioner.
There's nothing like an Irish carrier pigeon.
Venerable Ireland Yard.
Superintendent Watson here.
Oh, hello, Batman.
Oh, yes, of course.
-It's for you, commissioner.
-Yes, Batman? That perfidious Lord Ffogg trapped me in the Three Bells pub, commissioner.
While, somehow, the boat for the dominion's mysteriously vanished.
The boat vanished? With its cargo of mini cloth'? I'll get the river patrol on it immediately.
Along with Robin? No, Batman, I haven't heard a word from him.
But are you all right? Never better.
I'll get back to you.
Nothing.
Nothing.
How did you find me, Alfred? It concerns Batgirl, sir.
Uh, she's discovered that the finishing school at Ffogg Manor is for girl criminals.
She's now investigating the super-secret Cricket Pavilion there.
She thought you ought to know.
- But how did you--? -And to answer your first question, sir I tracked you to the dock area by the Batmobile Bat-tracking Device.
Good show, Alfred.
About Batgirl Ah.
So she really is a Batgirl.
Still paralyzed by that paralyzing gas you turned off, Lady Peasoup.
She'll recover shortly.
And when she does, perhaps she should find herself in the dungeon with her young male counterpart, Robin.
- You ogress, you vixen.
-Heh.
Yes.
Well, the dungeon is immediately below our gallery.
Ladies first.
That must be His Lordship.
He's the only one who knows this number.
Hello, Marmaduke? Where are you? At my club in Bleet Street, Penelope.
Did you get that mini material off the Barnaby Street boat? No.
All we got was the Boy Wonder.
He cut the hawsers on the boat and it drifted down the river.
What are you doing in Cricket Pavilion? I tried every phone at Ffogg Place.
I'm putting him and Batgirl in the dungeon.
Batgirl? Bats come in both sexes, Marmaduke.
And this female of the specie broke into your treasure trove.
What happened with Batman? We've taken care of him.
But I have a much better idea for Robin than that dungeon.
All right, Alfred, I'll respect your reticence concerning Batgirl.
Thank you, sir.
- Finding Robin is the first order of the day.
-The Batcomputer, sir.
We have no choice.
There.
“Wench.
Wench.
Wunch.
" It doesn't make sense, Alfred.
Well, perhaps in moving, the Batcomputer is a bit off-kilter, sir.
"Winch.
" It still doesn't make sense.
It may, sir.
The most prominent winch in Londinium is in the winch room inside the Tower Bridge which operates the mechanism which raises the arms of the bridge to let ships through.
Which wind you to death when the next ship comes along.
Torturer, sadist.
You're worse than your sister.
A high compliment.
Well, let's go outside and watch the Boy Wonder die.
- Pip-pip, chin-chin, cheerio.
Ha, ha.
-Ha, ha.
NARRATOR".
As an approaching ship starts activating Tower Bridge Robin has good reason to look horrified.
If that ship gets closer to that bridge, Robin's done for.
Quickly, Alfred, the Anti-Mechanical Batray in the Bat-glove Compartment.
To save his life, we'll have to zero the Bat-ray in on the mechanical apparatus and render them useless.
Something's happened.
- The blooming bridge has stopped moving.
-Blimey.
Oh, we'd better get back to the winch room, governor.
Tally-ho, away we go.
- Batman.
How'd you get here? -Down a bascule.
- Bascule? -Yes, an escapement in which the detent is mounted on a pivotal axis.
The Dynamic Destroyer.
About to destroy you, Lord Ffogg.
That pipe.
Exactly, Batman.
My pipe of fog.
NARRATOR".
What's this? Batman and Robin fogbound in the winch room of Tower Bridge? And Batgirl still paralyzed by paralyzing fog in the dungeon of Ffogg Place? By Jove, it's disturbing.
By Jove, it's exciting.
By Jove, it's mystifying.
By Jove, watch the next episode.
By Jove.