Being Human (US) s03e12 Episode Script

Previously on Being Human I don't care if it's a bad idea.
I want you to turn me into what you are.
Why did you do this to me? Kenny What if we got married now so Sally could be there? I'm here long enough to grab my brother and take him out for a bachelor party.
Aidan called you a werewolf! Emily! - Does Nora know? - She's one too.
When you die, your soul is mine.
Now what are we going to do with you? How do I have any chance against her.
You are incredibly powerful! What do I do when I see Donna? How's your Latin? I banish you from I'm so screwed! Please, let me go! Please, let me live! This body was never yours, not really.
I came through on my end of our bargain.
It's your turn, Sally.
No! No! "Veneficus absum, levare velum.
" Hey there.
Hello.
What do you say we get married today? What kind of couple gets married on a random Thursday afternoon? The same kind that spends the night before their wedding in a queen bed with mismatched sheets instead of separate suites at the Four Seasons.
You're sure you're still ok with this? The complete lack of fanfare? We've got the essentials: a case of champagne and our best friends in the world.
Hmm Josh Without Emily here, there there's no one.
There's no ties to who I used to be.
- You kept your distance for years.
- I know.
Emily found her way back to you.
It takes a minute.
You know to accept the existence of literal monsters.
Took me a minute.
Now I'm marrying your ass.
She'll find her way back.
We're getting married today.
- What's wrong with you? - Ha ha ha! You're a crazy person! - You're crazy! - Ah! Oh It wasn't me! Thank you.
Why is it that I'm less surprised about your mastery of Jewish wedding tradition than I am about someone else cooking food in my kitchen? It's a tiny wedding, Josh.
You're looking at the officiate, but also the caterer.
Get the hell away from me! How did the whole ordainment situation come about? I mean, if you attended some Restoration divinity school in the 19th century, I'm gonna feel super fancy.
The Universal Life Church.
Over 20 million ordained on ye olde interweb.
I like it good and crispy, Reverend! Is it too early to get drunk and pretty? Or pretty drunk? You're here, right now! When my friend says she's getting married in 24 hours, I tend to show up! Of course, yes! Come put your stuff down.
Are you hungry? Aidan made breakfast.
Did you tell him you invited me? Well, we're not exactly in seating chart territory here.
Ok, I was gonna wait to tell you this when we were in the makeup application part of the day.
Aidan and I were together the other night for our first time.
That's so great! It was great, until I woke up and he was gone! Yeah, I thought those mornings were behind me, when dates stopped consisting of a six-pack and a few bong hits.
You should give him a chance to explain.
Really? Aidan's a good guy.
Or, you know, he tries to be.
You could do a lot worse.
Kat's here, for the wedding! Josh ruined the bacon, not me.
Hi! It's nice to see you again.
Why don't I take your stuff upstairs and you just come up whenever you're ready? Caterer.
Sally? Do you wanna come down Sally? I don't think I have much longer.
Nora, I don't think I can do this! Oh my God! Sally, you're Rotting from the inside out? Pretty much.
Oh my God! Well, the good news is, I no longer have the urge to eat your face.
Sally, you should have told me how bad it had gotten, told someone! Nora, it's your wedding day, and it should be about roses and peonies and dye-to-match shoes, not about rotting flesh or blood-magic sacrifices.
Uh, have you met us? It wouldn't be a union of werewolves without a little blood-magic sacrifice drama.
I'd never wear dye-to-match shoes! Oh, thank God! The whole reason that we wanted to get married today was so you could be here.
Ok, I'm sorry.
I No, me first.
I came here today to watch my friends get married, not to play some moronic game where I tart myself up in some tight dress and give you the silent treatment and just to prove my status as a girl who can hang.
But I'm I'm not gonna pretend that what happened between us didn't mean anything.
So just tell me why.
Tell me how you feel, right now.
Just get it over with.
Ok.
Things got really real between us, really fast.
And I completely freaked out.
It's been a long time since I have been with someone like you.
Yeah, alarmingly direct And grounded, and smart and special.
Will you be my date to my best friend's wedding? As long as you acknowledge that this further accelerates our relationship at an abnormally rapid pace.
- It's a deal.
- Ok.
Aidan? Could you come with me in the kitchen for a second? Sure thing.
What are we gonna do? The wedding's in 4 hours, we have a house full of guest.
We be there for Sally.
We say our goodbyes and hope that they're not our last.
Kat, what about Kat? Yeah! Nora, you're gonna have to get rid of her.
Look, an incubating vampire is one thing.
I know how much time Kenny needs before he's gonna wake up.
But, I mean, my very human girlfriend sharing the house with a reanimated corpse that's near death? I don't know, maybe that's pushing our luck! I'm sorry, did you just say your girlfriend? I caught that too.
I don't know.
Maybe she's my girlfriend! Oh, come on! Why would you do this now? I'm not doing anything.
I smiled at you.
Ok, I'll take care of it.
Listen, you've already died once and survived it, right? I can't believe that sentence just came out of my mouth.
It's not even my body I care about, especially now, in its current, nasty condition.
The deal that I made with Donna was for my soul.
Right! That's why you have to fight! How? How am I gonna Ilana gave me this incantation.
But the only Latin I understand is from freaking Dead Poets Society! And when Nick and Stevie went through that door, who knows what happened to them? It could all be over by the time I say: "Veneficus.
" You won't kill the witch with that attitude! Let me see that.
What I'm saying is, maybe I just don't go through the door.
I don't think that you have a choice.
Sally, you made a deal with a practitioner of black magic.
People have fallen prey to blood offerings for centuries because it's not something you can just trick your way out of! Donna will have made sure of it that you are going through that door no matter what, whether you want to or not.
So your only choice is to end her.
I Josh, you've seen Donna.
You watched her bring a dead body back to life! That's an unnatural power! - Then I'm going with you.
- You can't.
Oh, please don't argue with me! You can't because that door is for spirits: Nick, Stevie, me in a few hours.
No, it's not.
I mean, Donna's door isn't for ghosts moving on.
It's just another spell.
It doesn't appear when you've resolved your issues on Earth.
It appears when the witch wants an audience with you! So it's a portal to wherever she is! Like a delivery system.
Like the T, only with less staphylococcus.
Wherever that door leads, I might not come back.
And I can't ask you to make that kind of sacrifice.
Hey, 2 against one is always better odds.
Aidan's going with her.
When the time comes He's so confident, but he has no idea what's on the other side of that door.
No one does.
No matter how many witches he's come across in the past 200-plus years, he didn't see Donna rub pulsed heart onto bone and make a real girl.
Only you and I had that distinct pleasure.
What we did, Josh, it's what anyone, any friend in our situation would've done.
If we'd known, then we'd be here.
Should we have left her in the ground? You need to go with them don't you? No.
This is our wedding.
This was supposed to be our wedding day.
When I told you I would always choose you, I meant it.
I know that.
But the reason that I chose you is because you're the kind of guy who can only think of helping his friend right now.
And it's why I'm gonna marry you when you come home.
If I come home.
Is it time? No, it's not time! This isn't a World War II romance and I do not have consumption.
If you ask me that again, I'm gonna flash some tattered flesh.
- Oh! - Ah, come on! - You like that? - No, I don't like it! Ok.
So for the last couple of weeks, since we all realized that that your body was on its way out That's very delicate.
I've been doing some shopping.
A lot of shopping.
If Sally's gonna be haunting us again, I want her to look damn good doing it! Yes! Seriously? He means: "Yay, dresses!" All right, out, both of you! Oh! Sit down.
Are you ok? It's time.
I have something for you.
For your wedding.
So you'll give it to me when you come back.
Top drawer.
It's a thaali, my grandmother's.
Indian women wear it to symbolize the bond of marriage.
He would've put it on me at our wedding Danny.
Or Max.
It's your "something borrowed".
Thank you.
Somebody say something, please! Come on, guys.
I never got a deathbed vigil my first time around.
Make an impassioned speech! Hold my skeletal meat hook of a hand.
I'm so sorry.
I never even gave you a choice.
Josh, this is what I would've chosen.
I got to be me again! I got an electric blue manicure just because I could! I tried black and white cookies again.
And Harpoon IPA.
Pretty good! And I got to feel the sun on my face.
I can touch things! Josh, I'm holding your hand.
So it was worth it.
But this is not your deathbed.
Uh I'm dying, and I'm in my bed, so You're not dying, not really.
- Hmm - No, not really, no.
Like, I'm definitely dying.
- You're losing this body.
- Well, it's my body.
And you are becoming the same Sally that we fell in love with all over again.
What does it feel like when your heart stops beating? It's scary at first.
Because you're losing control of something that once felt so fundamental.
But then it gets quiet and peaceful.
And you just give into it.
It's like falling asleep.
And you know that everything's gonna be ok.
I do feel sleepy.
Close your eyes.
We'll see you in a few minutes.
I really did have a blast with you guys.
You know that? Did it work? Is she here? Yeah, Josh.
She's right here.
I really think we made the right choice with the dress.
How do you feel? Weirdly, like I'm me again.
Seems like a fairly important conversation that I'm completely unable to follow.
We need to go through Donna's door with something.
We need to arm ourselves.
Um, I'm feeling like any semblance of a grip might have gone the way of my corpse.
Traditional weapons ain't gonna do it, sweetheart.
We you might wanna look away.
Uh, I'm just gonna remind you: until very recently, I had a part-time job as an undertaker.
I don't think there's any Did you just gouge a hole in my corpse? The only chance we have is if we can reverse the bewitchment.
We're nurses, ok? We're not too well-versed on, like, eye of newt! Can't we just bring a weapon, like a normal weapon? - Look, the heart of the bewitched! - God! Sally's heart is our weapon! Dorothy only needed a bucket of water.
What are Trust me.
Now you know that incantation cold, yeah? Carpe diem! Then we'll lead with that.
Ilana's no match for Donna, but it'll have to weaken her.
When you see it's working, that's when you come in.
Ok, but I steadfastly refuse to dive my hand into Sally's chest cavity.
I'm going to need a distraction.
What, like: "Hey, witch, over here"? - That works.
- Sounds good? - What'll you do with the heart? - Blood, hair, nails.
Witches use them because it contains the essence of a person, but they can break spells as well.
Part of Sally is a thing we have that Donna never will.
I'm hearing you, but why then didn't you just use blood, hair or nails? A heart is more powerful! You should've led with that! I mean, how much time do we have? It's here.
It's here.
Keep the champagne on ice, ok? If I go through this door, I'm dead, dead, like soul dead, for good! Hey, define "dead".
Hey, we gotta go.
I love you.
Please come back to me! Please! Papa! Isaac! Isaac? Isaac! Did you see something when we came through? No.
Guys, anyone else remember this place had gone tumbleweeds last time we tried to pay Donna a visit? Eh, witches I can also see you! So I guess that in this dimension, the soup kitchen is less goodwill through instant mashed potatoes, and more Thunderdome.
You shouldn't have come here, Josh.
Yeah, I'm beginning to sense that.
You guys go.
Let me take care of this.
- Josh, no.
- No, I mean it! If this is what karma's dishing out for me, then I owe it to myself to take it.
He's right.
I got no beef with either of you.
Josh is the one who put me in the ground.
He belongs to Donna now, Josh.
You could have no idea what you're up against.
Come on.
I came here to help Sally, you guys.
Go find Donna.
Go! I figured you'd bring the other one, hence the dog at the door.
But a vampire too? You might wanna take a closer look at that unsavoury circle.
Well, clearly, she'd be better off palling around with a necromancer.
I wasn't talking to you.
I think I have the right to know now, what you have planned for me, for my soul.
No, actually, you don't! You know, I thought I might have some use for you.
But this: your entourage, the yapping, the demands, it's exhausting! So we are through.
Now! Veneficus absum, levare velum.
Revelare verum faciem pro totus vidi visum.
Somebody memorized something! We don't have to do this, Ray.
The witch, I know she has some hold over you.
But there's been enough violence between us already.
I remember the woods the fight, shots.
You beat me to death.
What happened that night that's not the man I wanna be.
And I I know I have no right saying this but I killed you because I had no other choice! That's quite a mouthful, isn't it, saying it out loud? Admitting that you are a killer? It's with me every day.
I sent Val money, whatever I could, for your son! I didn't want you to end up here, like this.
I'm sorry.
You don't stand a chance.
Veneficus absum, levare velum! Revelare verum faciem pro totus vidi visum! Good, keep going! Veneficus absum, levare velum! Revelare verum faciem pro totus vidi visum! Revelare verum faciem pro totus vidi visum! Yeah! Is that all she taught you? Because this is getting old.
You were right, brother.
The witch does have some kind of hold on me.
Oh! Ilana showed some promise.
She was different and a real jealous bitch! Why else would she have sent you here with a true face incantation? "True face" "Verum faciem"? You didn't even know what you were saying! I went to college.
I'm betting that was a few years before the advent of beer pong, huh? - 17th century.
- Oh I probably got a couple of years on you.
- Salem, hmm? - Andover.
But Salem got all the press.
This is about me.
My friends bargained for my life, so why don't you just let Stevie and Nick go? She won't do it.
And she can't.
She exists on the energy of souls.
Without them, she would've been dead hundreds of years ago.
What she wants from you, she wants to eat you, Sally! But you know what? Ha! That ain't gonna happen.
Oh! Aidan! So this is how it ends? Do you have any idea how it felt to despise the man who made you? Our bond filled me with shame.
I'm sure your son would understand.
Maybe I'll put him out of his misery after I end his father! What is it exactly that you have against my friends? Did you have a hard time fitting in at Colonial Times Junior High? Nick and Stevie are on you.
You had to renegotiate! And your fates were always connected.
Oh, here we go again with the renegotiation of my binding contract! Your deals are bogus, Donna.
They're all on your terms, your secret, magical terms.
And there's always a catch.
There's always a balance! The three of you could've lived long, happy lives.
But no one can resist seeking out the people from their past.
It's human nature.
And when their souls are delivered to me, everybody's happy.
And the terms changed.
You just had to save your brother.
How did it feel the first time you looked in the mirror and saw rotting flesh? Never mind.
It's been days since I took your friends.
And as you can see, I am starving.
I have come too far for you to just take me.
We're stronger than that.
You know, you're the first one who ever fought back.
I hope that's a comfort to you.
I'm guessing she's also the first who brought friends.
The blood of the bewitched burns.
The pain of the flames seeks the source of the magic.
I came through on my end of our bargain.
It's your turn, Sally.
- Ah! - No! Stop! Sally, no! I love you.
I love you.
You should be proud of her.
Most of the souls I take have already lost their will to exist.
No one is strong enough to walk the Earth like that forever, isolated, alone.
She was never alone.
No, maybe not.
But still, some things are inevitable.
What the hell was that? What just happened? We won! Is she here? Yeah.
Well, there is there is one little piece of shiny silver lining to all this supernatural carnage.
Other than our continued survival? This ghost is dressed for success! - Talking about clothes again? - Hmm-hmm.
You should've seen how long it took us to pick out the bridesmaid's dress.
I'm sorry.
This was supposed to be our day.
The mood's a little off though now, don't you think? What with all the burning and beheading? So we'll wait.
All right? Full moon's coming up.
That way, I'll be able to see this one at the ceremony, so This one at the ceremony.
There will be a wedding.
I'm gonna marry you.
I promise, ok? You're not getting out of it.
Is that really what you're all wearing? Em What are you what are you doing here? I thought about it a lot.
And I am hurt and I am scared, Josh.
I mean, so far, this new world of yours, I I dunno if I'm ok with it.
But I do know that I owe you a chance to help me understand who you are, the real you.
And besides, your friends and girlfriend, fiancée, I like you all a hell of a lot better than most of the humans in my life.
Hmm You're all I got.
So we'll figure it out.
- You're getting married! - Yeah.
Yeah, not today, though.
No, we're we're postponing the wedding.
This day just kind of got away from us a little bit.
- What? - Yeah, well I spent 45 minutes on the T preparing that speech.
I am wearing a dress.
Yes, I can see that, it's There will be a wedding! Everybody inside now! Are you nervous? I I killed a zombie werewolf in a magical dimension a few hours ago.
- Oh? - So, yeah So, um, pledging fidelity to the love of my life seems kind of tame by comparison.
Proud of you.
No, no, I am.
When we first met, I wasn't sure we'd get here.
To be fair, the ladies weren't exactly swarming me back then.
Yeah, well, you wouldn't let them.
Yeah, I sometimes wonder where if I hadn't let Nora in where she'd be.
Maybe she'd be married to some doctor.
They'd spend full moons stargazing on the roof of their brownstone in Beacon Hill.
And she might have never known what it feels like to be loved by a man who would literally give his life for her happiness.
This is what it's all about our experiment.
I mean, what's more human than a guy standing up for his best friend on the day of his wedding? I think we did all right on 24 hours notice.
Ok, now I'm nervous.
He's gonna die! Well, not actually.
- Got it.
- When he sees you Here, take these.
Ok, go get him! All right, let's get 'er done! Shouldn't you have like a book or something? Well, since this is going to be what I will call a non-traditional wedding um, I just wanna say well done, both of you.
You found each other.
Please tell me you wrote your own vows! There's nothing more romantic! - So we wrote our own vows.
- Yes! We did? Were we supposed to? I I did write my own vows.
Uh, Nora I was the kind of guy who thought that life was just a series of choices.
And if you kept making the right choice over and over and over again, that it will all add up to something safe and constant a reasonable facsimile of what you thought you wanted, for yourself, for your future.
But things get derailed.
Stuff happens and you don't always get a choice.
And, uh, for a long time, I thought that was really unfair.
Because I had big, big important plans.
But I never would've met you.
So I'm thankful that I was a complete blockhead.
Because, as it turns out, life is just a series of accidents.
And one of those accidents led me here to you.
'Cause you are just so, so awesome.
So thank you for choosing me.
Thanks you for choosing me! I kissed him too soon! - I didn't write any vows! - That's all right.
Oh God, I love you! That'll do! One for the road! Monsters! They never consider fire safety! I'm starving.
I'll make you something.
Since when do you cook? Wha of course I cook! - Ramen and tuna, PB and J.
- Yum! Whatever you want.
Fire's low.
- I'll get the firewood.
- No, no.
You stay.
I'll go.
I'm not settling into traditional gender roles on day one of my marriage.
Hello, Nora.
My best wishes to the bride.