Boston Legal s03e12 Episode Script
Nuts
Previously on Boston Legal.
Alan, this is Vanessa Walker.
She's from our New York office.
She invited me to join Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
- I'm a big fan of diversity.
I date midgets, you know.
- And their mothers.
- I got kicked out of my gym.
- It's an all-girls gym.
That's the reason you went back to that club as Clarence- so Sandy could meet you.
Clarence, I'd love to have dinner with you.
I'm hearing thatJeffrey Coho has set his little antennae on Denise.
- I would like to start seeing you.
- Friends with benefits? Do you know what the term "friends with benefits" means? You slut.
Denise.
I couldn't help but notice your busy hands from afar.
I find there's little more intoxicating than a pretty woman with a busy hand.
I imagine later tonight- When I let my mind wander to you as it so invariably does my hand too will become busy.
Alan, you've met Vanessa, right? Out of curiosity, how many times have women in the workplace sued you? It never gets old.
Will you be suing me? - I can't fly.
- You're just discovering this? Bella and I were headed for Hawaii.
I got detained at the airport.
- They wouldn't let me board.
- Why? - According to their records, I'm a terrorist.
- What? That's what they said- a terrorist.
Now Bella's in Hawaii, and I'm not.
- Alan, you gotta help me.
- Okay.
Nobody gets away with calling Denny Crane a terrorist.
- What would you like me to do? - Perfect world-We blow 'em up.
- Short of that.
- Sleep with their wives.
- You can do better.
- Daughters? Denny, you're an American.
What does any true red, white and blue American do when he's been wronged, or even slightly put out for that matter? We sue.
Vanessa, thanks for coming.
This is Helen Choi.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hello.
Let's justjump right in since time is running short.
Helen teaches first grade in Allston.
She tragically had one ofher students pass away due to an allergic reaction to peanuts.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
The parents are suing her for wrongful death citing her negligence in the death of the child.
- The trial starts Wednesday.
- I had another lawyer but the parents' attorneys are from a big firm, and they seem to have overwhelmed him.
Why are they claiming you were negligent? First, for allowing the peanuts to even get in the room.
We check the lunches but another student had brought in a candy bar that I didn't know about.
And also at the time of the incident, I was on my cell phone.
It probably did distract me for a few seconds before I got to the EpiPen.
I've scheduled a settlement conference for today.
I'd like you tojoin us.
How long after that did the child die? Oh.
He died right there in the classroom.
Okay, Denny.
It's true.
You're on a No Fly List.
- Yeah, I told you.
- They've obviously confused you with somebody else.
I arranged a meeting with a man from Homeland Security.
- Excellent.
- He's coming here actually.
His office is in some disarray.
And we won't be needing any guns.
Just want to show him I've got 'em, like a good American.
Why here? Well, he didn't want you going there in case you also turned out to be- What? Well, a- a spy.
- A spy? - Denny, we'll clear it up.
I promise.
- A spy? - Isn't there anyone you know? Well, I can't get anybody.
I called Tom DeLay.
His number's disconnected.
Foley has got his hands full.
Frist said, "Don't take it personal.
" I called Clarence Thomas.
His office said he was indisposed.
- Have you tried going right to the top? - Cheney? - Boys? - Shirley.
Did you hear? Denny can't fly.
Tell me about it.
Have either of you seen Claire? - No.
Why? - Her assistant's causing a bit of a stir in reception.
- Clarence? - Uh, if only it were Clarence.
- Clarice? - I still wish.
- Who? - Oprah.
- Oh! My.
- Wow.
- Do you like shoes? - He's hot.
Why is everybody hugging her? Shejust gave them all cars.
- Evidently, high-end.
- Thank you so much.
- Denny Crane.
- Hello, Denny.
Clarence, did something happen? Nothin' happened, child.
It's justJanuary is Martin Luther King month.
I used to dress up as Dr.
King.
But kids today, half of them don't know who he is.
But they all know Oprah.
- Hmm.
- Uh, excuse me.
Homeland Security is in your office.
Okay.
And, uh, why would Homeland Security be in your office? Do you really wanna know, Paul? No.
Dennis Crane- the one we targeted- is a Canadian-born citizen who converted to Islam and took up jihad against the United States after 911.
He visited several terrorist training camps in Pakistan with known ties to Al-Qaeda.
He changed his name to Muhammad al-Zawahri but his passport still lists him as Dennis Crane which is why the name is on the No Fly List.
So- Now that we've cleared it up- It's not that simple.
The current technology doesn't provide airline officials with the target's date ofbirth, race or physical description.
Just a name.
Wait.
Are you saying anyone named Dennis Crane- Will not be allowed to fly on commercial airliners.
Unless he can get on the other list of people on the No Fly List who can fly.
Uh, okay.
So, uh, put him on that list.
Also not simple.
He'll have to fill out a form and wait for approval.
- Well, how long will that take? - It's, um, indeterminate.
You're joking.
I assure you the federal government has no sense of humor.
And neither should you when it comes to the war on terror.
- Let me shoot him.
- Mr.
Murch there is nobody more red, white and blue than this man here.
He's for the death penalty.
He's pro-life.
He doesn't read newspapers.
He's exercised every loophole to avoid paying taxes.
He's even donated to theJack Abramoff Ball.
I sympathize with you.
I really do.
But these are some of the prices we pay to live in a free and democratic society which is safe.
- Let me shoot him.
- Are you threatening me? No, that job falls to me, Mr.
Murch.
I will ask you nicely to put Denny's name on the fly list or I will complicate your life in federal court.
By the time I'm finished, your superiors won't be saying "Heck of a job, Murchie.
" You're threatening to mess up my life? You're talking to Homeland Security.
We're the master.
We couldn't have been more clear with her.
We had a meeting to specifically discuss the allergy.
We went over the precise procedures.
She knew the severity of the risk.
We understand, Mrs.
Beckett.
Nobody's denying the terrible tragedy that occurred here.
But you are denying her culpability, are you not? Mr.
And Mrs.
Beckett, I'm sure you can appreciate that as Helen's lawyers we can't admit any liability on her part.
But let's assume, for the sake of argument, she bears some responsibility.
She has no assets.
Any judgment you get would not be recoverable.
This is not about money, Ms.
Schmidt.
Okay.
Then, if I may ask, what is it about? We want to send a message.
We want to put the word out that teachers like her need to take care.
You need to take care.
Take off the wig, Clarence.
This wig doesn't come off as easily, child.
It doesn't just pop off like a hood ornament.
What happened? Obviously something went wrong with Sandy.
Sandy's a darling girl, but she wasn't remotely in a place to have a relationship.
- You know what I'm saying? - What happened? There weren't any precipitating factors.
Sometimes two people, despite having a lot in common- - Can you just take off the wig- - Enough with the wig! - Forget the wig! - Who was that? From the sound of his voice, I'd say Clevant.
Clarence, you're not schizophrenic.
You're just choosing to hide behind these personas, especially when s- What exactly happened with Sandy? You know, honey, I'll make a deal.
We'll talk about Clarence and his personal life, if we can first discuss yours.
Do you have a personal life, Claire? In the workplace, absolutely not.
Anyplace? Why do you dress the way you do? What is the wrong with the way I dress? It just isn't very sexual.
You appear to have a very good body, and you cover it up.
I do not.
Have you been sexually assaulted, Claire? Okay, Oprah.
Isn't this when on your show you cut to a commercial? You ask a big loaded, melodramatic question and then you say, "We'll be right back after this.
" Why don't you say that? One second, Denny.
Denny and I are off to federal court.
Seems he's on the No Fly List.
Gee.
Denise, I thought you'd be more sympathetic.
Denny can't spread his wings.
Imagine how you'd feel if you were robbed of the opportunity to spread yours.
That is so lame.
- Why do you smell of sex, Denise? - Excuse me? A woman gives off a certain scent when she's having sex.
Who are you having sex with, Denise? Okay, you are out of your mind.
It smells like Brad.
Is it Brad? - What was that all about? - He knows.
- Knows what? - That we're having sex.
- Did you tell anybody? - How could he possibly know unless you told somebody? I didn't tell anybody.
He smelled it on me.
Oh, stop it.
I had checked the lunches.
I check them all every day.
The school has a strict no-peanut policy.
Yes.
And all parents were notifiied verbally and in writing not to bring anything with nuts to class.
So what happened? Well, the children were eating.
All of a sudden, Nate- he was on the floor.
I went over.
He had gone into shock.
- And then? - And then I followed the protocol.
I unlocked the first aid cabinet.
I got out an EpiPen.
I jammed it into his thigh, but it was too late.
It turns out another student had brought in a mini candy bar with nuts in it and I never saw it.
What exactly were you doing when Nate Beckett went into anaphylactic shock? I was talking on my cell phone.
Is that permissible for teachers to be on their cell phones during class? It was during lunch.
But, no, it is not permissible.
My father had had surgery that morning.
I was anxious to check up on him.
In fact, you had your back turned on your students as you spoke on the phone? My father had a life-threatening condition.
I didn't want to alarm the students.
How long had Nate been on the floor before you noticed him? Well, the children started to scream, so- I don't know.
Not long.
- Twenty seconds? - At the most.
I would say under.
But possibly 20 seconds? Possibly.
- How long have you been a teacher? - Seven years.
- Do you like it? - I love it.
It's all I ever wanted to do.
Has anything like this ever happened in your class before? No.
God, no.
I just- I know I shouldn't have been on my cell phone.
If I may ask, what was the outcome of your dad's surgery? He didn't make it.
We're back from that commercial break in case you wanna continue our conversation.
You know what? You wanna take off that wig and talk? Fine.
But I'm not sharing my life with Oprah.
I'm not capable ofhaving that talk as Clarence, which you know.
You got issues, girl.
Now you can go through life letting people in or keeping them shut out.
Your choice.
I have never been sexually assaulted.
I've certainly been groped on the odd date but let's just say it's nothing I couldn't handle.
Is one of the ways you handle it by dressing in a nonsexual way? I don't think I dress that way.
I dress maybe a little conservatively, but- Why? Conservative is not a word I'd use to describe you, Claire.
- You're a balls-out kind of girl.
- In case you haven't noticed this place is a rather spectacular boys' club.
If you so much as turn your back on Denny Crane, he tries to mount you.
Alan Shore is in the Guinness book of lechers.
I don't believe you.
I am standing here talking to Oprah.
Believe it.
- Shirley Schmidt is a name partner.
- And a queen bee which is how she'd like to keep it.
Look, I'm busy.
Let's cut to another commercial.
One of the reasons this may be an old boys' club is because the women here feel they have to become one of the boys to succeed.
You're a tough broad, Claire.
If any girl's got a shot at crashing through that Plexiglas ceiling it's got to be you.
Don't be afraid to be sexy.
And don't be afraid to be soft.
Succeed on your terms here, not theirs.
How about we both try and work on that? Clarence needs to come back to work.
I can't afford Oprah.
They pulled me out before I could board.
- Put me in this little room.
- At some point, somebody joined you in the little room.
Oh, somebody from Transportation Security told me I can't fly.
- Did he say why? - My name is on the No Fly List.
You've since cleared up the confusion? Confusion, yes.
Not the problem.
Still can't fly unless I get these special papers which will take who knows how long? It's ridiculous.
That's why I usually fly private.
- You're still not allowed to fly? - No.
Why has this reached my courtroom? Mr.
Crane is looking for special treatment, Your Honor.
Special treatment? To be allowed to fly on an airplane without government interference? The special treatment he seeks is to get off the No Fly List without the specified papers that taxpayers on the list must typically wait for.
Why are typical taxpayers even on the list? - Look, in case you haven't noticed- - Oh, here it comes.
We're in a war on terror.
People screamed after - Now you bitch we're doing too much.
- Because you are.
Law-abiding, loyal Americans are being treated like shoe bombers.
Shoe bombers don't declare themselves, Mr.
Shore, in case you- Mr.
Randolph, I am not persuaded.
Who have you got? I have Lynwood Winchell from the Transportation Security Administration.
Get his ass up here.
I like you.
Anaphylactic shock can come on suddenly, which is what happened here.
The airways can become clogged in less than 30 seconds.
If the EpiPen isn't administered, it can be fatal.
If Ms.
Choi had gotten to your son sooner- Well, we obviously can't know for sure.
But he had had these attacks before, and the EpiPen along with the pills, had proven effective.
So her delay might very well have contributed to his death? Yes.
Now, Mr.
Beckett, she's a teacher, not a doctor.
No.
Teachers are trained in first aid, including the use of an EpiPen.
This teacher, in fact, had been trained.
We made sure of it.
But realistically, is what happened here really a foreseeable thing? Yes.
Health-care-need students are now typically mainstream.
Between 10 and 20% of today's public school students have chronic physical, emotional or social problems.
And the peanut allergy is a big one which she knew.
Ten to 20 percent of our high school students have chronic medical or social problems? Fifty million Americans suffer from some kind of autoimmune disease.
- It's become epidemic.
- Are we increasing the number of nurses in our public schools? As far as I know, no.
So wejust hand off to the teachers? Reading, writing, 'rithmetic and epidemics? She knew her responsibilities, accepted them and failed to live up to them.
Look, we're all sorry for the mix-up.
But we are in a pitched battle with religious fanatics who use civilian aircraft as missiles against high-density targets.
Well, can't you just take Mr.
Crane's name off the list? In which case someone we targeted- that terrorist with thejihad- is also allowed to travel.
- None of us want that.
- The system can't differentiate? In time, it will be able to.
But for now, let's make the skies safe.
And we're doing that, by the way.
There hasn't been an aviation hijacking since 9/11.
Mr.
Crane left that detail out of his lawsuit.
You seem quite pleased with yourself.
Actually, Mr.
Shore, my tone is more exasperated.
I'm rather sick of everyone dumping on Homeland Security.
Uh, by everyone, you mean- The media, the lawyers who love to file suit.
The 911 Commission, they dumped on you pretty good, didn't they? - Somewhat.
- Somewhat? A "D"in port security an "F" in improving communications for first responders a "D" in border security, an "F" in aviation security, a "D" in chemical plants.
Security? These aren't passing grades, Mr.
Winchell.
We're doing what we can.
And lawsuits like this one don't help.
I read Ted Kennedy was on your No Fly List.
Does he take the train now? That situation was resolved.
And yet the British suspects who were arrested last summer for plotting to blow up aircraft, they weren't on the list despite being under surveillance for over a year.
How is that possible? - Some of the more dangerous ones we leave off.
- Excuse me? If suspected terrorists knew their names were on the list it could change their operational plans and make them harder to capture.
So, Mr.
Crane, an American citizen who has no ties to any terrorist organization, is on the list.
But some of the most dangerous terrorists are not? I'll tell you this, Mr.
Smug.
For every innocent caught in the net, there's 10 guilty ones.
So don't tell me- - Really? Like whom? - I can't reveal classified information.
Well, lucky for me, I have my own sources.
A recent study of the 441 terrorism-related arrests made in the United States revealed that virtually all of them involved lesser charges like visa violations, fraud- not terrorism.
You know, sir, I go to work every day and try to make America safer.
What do you do? I'll tell you what you do.
You represent a lot of people like Mr.
Crane who have a lot of time and money on their hands who can afford to manipulate the legal system to make myjob tougher.
I suppose you're right.
One has to wonder how many Denny Cranes are out there being denied the right to fly who can't afford an attorney.
Do we have any with us today? If so, please stand.
Everyone here is named Denny Crane.
These arejust the ones within driving distance, of course since airplane travel is not an option.
Thank you.
Oh.
Would you please? You still smell of sex, but this time with a tinge ofJeffrey Coho.
- Are you on drugs? - Hi, guys.
Are you sleeping with Denise, Jeffrey? As he is not- So what did he want? - Who? - Shore.
Just saw him in there.
Uh, usual nonsense.
If it's any help, Sally said that he can't take any role reversal.
- What does that mean? - It means when the woman becomes the predator he runs away like a little bunny.
Really? Now, Mrs.
Beckett, this lawsuit can't bring your son back.
No.
But maybe it can save someone else's child.
And like my husband said, there are millions of children with autoimmune diseases many in public schools, relying on a standard of care.
If this lawsuit can sound a bell- We count on our teachers.
My God, we trust you with our babies.
I don't mean to be insensitive.
But you're a person of means, are you not, Mrs.
Beckett? I'm financially secure.
- If you think for a second that eases my pain- - I'm sure that it doesn't, but- and I'm sorry if this does sound insensitive- but you had the means to hire a shadow nurse, didn't you? Some parents do that.
They sit in the back of the classroom pretending to be a lab teacher or- Or you could've put your son in private school where the teacher-student ratio is less than 30-to-1.
- How dare you.
- I apologize, Mrs.
Beckett.
But you're sitting in that chair playing armchair quarterback saying that my client could have prevented this tragedy.
When in fact, you could've as well.
I would have done whatever I thought necessary, Ms.
Walker including private schools or shadow nurses.
After meeting with your client, I didn't believe that to be necessary.
Because my client struck you as being both capable and dedicated.
Yes.
Thank you.
We live in a different world since 9/11.
But no one here seems really willing to live in that world.
Sergeant Mike Krause of the army's in both Iraq and Afghanistan was recently quoted in the New York Times.
He said, "We're nowhere close to sharing the sacrifiice.
And it must be shared.
"Because it's only in that sharing that society will truly care about what's going on over there.
" In previous wartimes, the public was called upon to make great sacrifiices.
They were told to give up meat and rubber and steel.
Young men were drafted into the military.
Today there's no draft, there's no rationing.
No one's telling you to buy war bonds.
No one's rounding you up to put you in internment camps because of your nationality.
The No Fly List is an inconvenience, Your Honor.
And an inconvenience for a very small part of the population.
Just think if we had been able to stop those 9/11 hijackers from ever getting on those planes because their names were on a list warning us of their potential for harm.
But all Mr.
Crane seems to care about is he's delayed getting to Maui.
Some sacrifice.
This is going to be long, isn't it? Some of the new iPods you can load up to Streams of videos, pictures- All on a thing this big.
The technology in this country is staggering.
And yet the government can't get their computers to erase my client from the No Fly List.
Even though they admit he shouldn't be on it.
Instead anybody named Denny Crane can't fly.
Now, Mr.
Winchell is correct.
He doesn't need me to indict Homeland Security.
The 911 Commission already did that.
The American public certainly doesn't need to hear it from me.
No.
What Homeland Security could really use from me or others- preferably others- is a little help.
Why not get it? I'm sure Tom Ridge is a very nice man- capable too.
As is Michael Chertoff.
But I can get 20,000 songs on my iPod.
We have geniuses in this country.
True pioneers of innovation.
SteveJobs, Stephen Wozniak, Steve Ballmer.
If we could just round up some of our best Steves.
We've got kids in garages inventing Google and YouTube.
Jets can not only fly by computer but they can now take off and land on autopilot.
Should we truly be stumped by this No Fly computer list? How about something so simple as issuing a flier's license? It could have your picture, fingerprints.
You show it.
Scan the card and your fingers at the gate.
If it's a match, you get your aisle seat.
This can't be undoable.
Expensive, maybe.
Butjudging from recent spending patterns, we've got billions to throw around.
Halliburton alone has profited over 10 billion from the war.
Maybe we could get them to kick in.
Why is it our government leaders only tap into the private sector for campaign contributions or to pass out contracts to cronies? Bill Gates is out there.
Paul Allen.
Has anybody called them? I bet Mark Cuban would personally fund the computer upgrades if you gave him free publicity.
Is it really against national policy to think outside the box? This isn't about beating up on Homeland Security.
Everybody knows they're trying.
I'm sure they're good people.
But they simply cannot dispatch a representative to this courtroom to say the problem isn't fixable while thousands of Americans are being denied due process.
It so easily has to be fixable.
And in the meantime, my client sits here today, a law-abiding man grounded, while Bella lays writhing in Maui.
Too long? Stop it.
I'm serious.
- Just one little waft.
- Alan, I am not finding this amusing.
I'm about to register you as a sex offender.
What? This time I detect both Brad and Jeffrey.
Denise, if it's a public course, I should be allowed to play.
Alan, let's go to your office for a minute.
- Really? - Mmm.
Wanna pull out your 3-wood? I was thinking my sand wedge.
- Let's go.
- Sorry? See, you like to talk.
I don't.
I like to do.
- I also like to be spontaneous.
- What are you saying? I'm saying you've got five minutes.
Your desk looks available.
- You-You want to have sex on my desk? - Mm-hmm.
Right now.
Surely you jest.
Don't you? I don't joke about sex.
So, are we on the desk or not? Oh! You can tell Sally she was wrong.
- Hey.
- No, no.
Helen Choi was specifiically trained to use an EpiPen.
She knew how critical even a few lost seconds could be.
She was on her cell phone, against school policy.
Had her back turned to her students.
She didn't even notice Nate when he first went down.
And with anaphylactic shock, the difference between life and death is seconds.
Now if this were an isolated incident- if Nate had suffered some sort of freak reaction- I suppose we could all say, "Well, sometimes bad things happen.
" But the reality is that kids with special needs- with medical needs- are now mainstreamed in our public schools.
Our teachers need to be vigilant.
And she wasn't.
As a result, a little boy died.
We need you to send a message- not just to Helen Choi, but to all teachers- that this is not acceptable.
Like Rachel Beckett said "We trust you with our babies.
" Lawsuits are about allocating burden.
For example, we want our cars to be safer so we hit the manufacturers with a judgment that makes it more cost-effective to install the air bag.
The problem here, as Ms.
Bixby correctly states is we have more and more special-needs kids going into our public schools combined with an unprecedented escalation in autoimmune diseases, autism- The peanut allergy alone has doubled in recent years.
So who do we heap this responsibility on? Who else? The teachers.
The average annual starting salary for a teacher is $32,000.
For that, we ask them to teach, police, provide emotional and social guidance.
In some schools, they actually have to clean the toilets.
Now let's throw in health care.
This teacher, she works 65-hour weeks.
In addition to her actual classroom duties she teaches sex education to the older kids.
She teaches a standardized test the school mandates in order to qualify for funding under the No Child Left Behind Act.
She spends another 10 hours a month meeting with parents.
She supervises extracurricular activities, goes on overnight class trips cleans and disinfects toys, coaches.
She teaches fire drills, safety procedures, healthy eating habits.
She's certified in C.
P.
R.
, first aid and food sanitation.
She is so overextended that when her own father had to undergo a life-threatening medical procedure she couldn't be at the hospital.
So she called on her cell phone to see ifhe had lived which he hadn't.
She then turned away from her students so as not to traumatize them with her grief which as a teacher she was expected to internalize.
She has no savings, no house.
And today she's being sued because without her knowledge one of her students snuck a bite-size candy bar containing traces of peanut into her classroom.
Now she's being publicly blamed for the death of a child whose parents had the means to implement a multitude of safeguards.
They implemented none of them except a teacher.
Is it any wonder half our teachers are quitting the profession outright within five years? Never mind who's going to handle the EpiPen.
Who's going to teach? Oh, thank you.
Clarence.
I believe the deal was if I dish, you dish.
So, what happened with Sandy? She just, uh- She just didn't like me that way.
Could I get you to look at me for a second? There will be women who do.
Is that all? Yeah, that's all.
Mr.
Randolph, I realize that Homeland Security has had a pretty rough go oflate.
And I certainly don't want to pile on.
But I have to agree with Mr.
Shore.
Given the capacity of technology today, this has to be a fixable problem.
I don't think Mr.
Crane should have to sit around waiting for you to fix it.
It is the order of this court that you take the petitioner off the No Fly List.
Or in the alternative, put him on the list of those who can fly even though they're on the No Fly List.
We're adjourned.
Mai tais, Bella.
Midnight Hawaii time, my head will be the center of a thigh sandwich.
Due process does have its dividends.
- Maybe you should come with.
- Forget it.
I'm not getting sloppy seconds after Bella.
- Denny? - Bethany, what a coincidence.
Actually not.
I heard you were here.
- Oh.
- Listen I've been doing a lot of thinking about what you said.
Never mind all the reasons not to date somebody.
What does your heart say? 'Cause mine says to give this a chance.
- Oh.
- Can I take you to dinner? Well, actually I'm getting on a plane tonight.
- Where are you going? - Hawaii.
I see.
With somebody? Well, actually yes.
Is it my mother? Technically, yes.
I see.
Have a lovely time.
Sorry to bother you.
Denny, I'm a fairly staunch advocate of telling the truth but sometimes it's more humane to lie.
I felt like a deer in the headlights.
I hope I didn't hurt her.
At least my mother taught me how to tackle.
Good-bye, Denny Crane.
Oh, and tell Bella she better watch her back.
That is one tough broad.
Oh.
Mr.
Foreman, thejury has reached a verdict? - We have, Your Honor.
- What say you? In the matter of the Estate of Nathaniel Beckett versus Helen Choi we, the jury, find in favor of the defendant.
Thank you for your service.
This jury is dismissed.
I don't know what to say.
Thank you.
Thank you both so, so much.
- Congratulations.
- We can help you get reinstated, if you like.
Oh, uh, thank you.
But actually, my brother-in-law has a real estate business.
And, well, I decided to go for my broker's license.
Oh.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's a really exciting opportunity, and I'd be crazy not to take it.
There's room for growth, and you know, I think it might be something I'd enjoy.
So I figured why not, right? Yeah.
- What time's your flight? - 9:00.
You can still change your mind.
I'm sure by now Mr.
Winchell has added my name to the No Fly List.
Alan, I'm grateful for everything you did but I wasn't crazy about you attacking the government.
Don't be silly.
I'm sure you were a little crazy.
Hmm.
I happen to agree with a lot of what Randolph said in his closing.
People in this country gotta sacrifice more.
Is that why you're flying commercial and not taking your Gulfstream? Doesn't do any good to sit back and criticize.
Sometimes it does, Denny.
Sometimes the most patriotic thing you can do is criticize.
Liberty in this country was founded on that very ideal.
How did it happen that dissent became some form of heresy? Well, I'm all for dissent when I'm sure I'm right.
Denny, I'm not sure I've ever told you this, but I truly love America.
I would never consider living anywhere else.
But this country's only 200 years old.
It's a work in progress- especially lately.
All right, Mr.
Smarty-pants.
You get to change one thing.
What is it? Get rid of all stores that end with "mart.
" Besides that.
One change.
Well, first, I'd like to stop people from passing off narrow-mindedness and intolerance as family values.
No, no, no, no.
That's political.
Doesn't count.
Name a change that relates to this issue:: Government technology.
I made that suggestion in court.
Hire the geniuses, not the guy who's got the best lobbyist or the rich friend who will take you to his quail ranch and let you shoot him.
Hire the thinkers.
- The Steves? - For a start.
Instead of every Tom, Dick and Brownie, let's turn our visionaries loose.
At the very least, we'll be rid of those stores where you can buy both meat and CDs.
- What would you change? - Not a thing.
- Not a thing? - This country works, Alan.
You Democrats don't want to admit it.
Oh, I'm not saying there aren't kinks.
Foam chips off the occasional spacecraft.
We start the odd war on false pretenses.
But by and large, America works.
That's why I- I'm completely nuts about it.
- To Denny Crane.
- Completely nuts.
You stinker!
Alan, this is Vanessa Walker.
She's from our New York office.
She invited me to join Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
- I'm a big fan of diversity.
I date midgets, you know.
- And their mothers.
- I got kicked out of my gym.
- It's an all-girls gym.
That's the reason you went back to that club as Clarence- so Sandy could meet you.
Clarence, I'd love to have dinner with you.
I'm hearing thatJeffrey Coho has set his little antennae on Denise.
- I would like to start seeing you.
- Friends with benefits? Do you know what the term "friends with benefits" means? You slut.
Denise.
I couldn't help but notice your busy hands from afar.
I find there's little more intoxicating than a pretty woman with a busy hand.
I imagine later tonight- When I let my mind wander to you as it so invariably does my hand too will become busy.
Alan, you've met Vanessa, right? Out of curiosity, how many times have women in the workplace sued you? It never gets old.
Will you be suing me? - I can't fly.
- You're just discovering this? Bella and I were headed for Hawaii.
I got detained at the airport.
- They wouldn't let me board.
- Why? - According to their records, I'm a terrorist.
- What? That's what they said- a terrorist.
Now Bella's in Hawaii, and I'm not.
- Alan, you gotta help me.
- Okay.
Nobody gets away with calling Denny Crane a terrorist.
- What would you like me to do? - Perfect world-We blow 'em up.
- Short of that.
- Sleep with their wives.
- You can do better.
- Daughters? Denny, you're an American.
What does any true red, white and blue American do when he's been wronged, or even slightly put out for that matter? We sue.
Vanessa, thanks for coming.
This is Helen Choi.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hello.
Let's justjump right in since time is running short.
Helen teaches first grade in Allston.
She tragically had one ofher students pass away due to an allergic reaction to peanuts.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
The parents are suing her for wrongful death citing her negligence in the death of the child.
- The trial starts Wednesday.
- I had another lawyer but the parents' attorneys are from a big firm, and they seem to have overwhelmed him.
Why are they claiming you were negligent? First, for allowing the peanuts to even get in the room.
We check the lunches but another student had brought in a candy bar that I didn't know about.
And also at the time of the incident, I was on my cell phone.
It probably did distract me for a few seconds before I got to the EpiPen.
I've scheduled a settlement conference for today.
I'd like you tojoin us.
How long after that did the child die? Oh.
He died right there in the classroom.
Okay, Denny.
It's true.
You're on a No Fly List.
- Yeah, I told you.
- They've obviously confused you with somebody else.
I arranged a meeting with a man from Homeland Security.
- Excellent.
- He's coming here actually.
His office is in some disarray.
And we won't be needing any guns.
Just want to show him I've got 'em, like a good American.
Why here? Well, he didn't want you going there in case you also turned out to be- What? Well, a- a spy.
- A spy? - Denny, we'll clear it up.
I promise.
- A spy? - Isn't there anyone you know? Well, I can't get anybody.
I called Tom DeLay.
His number's disconnected.
Foley has got his hands full.
Frist said, "Don't take it personal.
" I called Clarence Thomas.
His office said he was indisposed.
- Have you tried going right to the top? - Cheney? - Boys? - Shirley.
Did you hear? Denny can't fly.
Tell me about it.
Have either of you seen Claire? - No.
Why? - Her assistant's causing a bit of a stir in reception.
- Clarence? - Uh, if only it were Clarence.
- Clarice? - I still wish.
- Who? - Oprah.
- Oh! My.
- Wow.
- Do you like shoes? - He's hot.
Why is everybody hugging her? Shejust gave them all cars.
- Evidently, high-end.
- Thank you so much.
- Denny Crane.
- Hello, Denny.
Clarence, did something happen? Nothin' happened, child.
It's justJanuary is Martin Luther King month.
I used to dress up as Dr.
King.
But kids today, half of them don't know who he is.
But they all know Oprah.
- Hmm.
- Uh, excuse me.
Homeland Security is in your office.
Okay.
And, uh, why would Homeland Security be in your office? Do you really wanna know, Paul? No.
Dennis Crane- the one we targeted- is a Canadian-born citizen who converted to Islam and took up jihad against the United States after 911.
He visited several terrorist training camps in Pakistan with known ties to Al-Qaeda.
He changed his name to Muhammad al-Zawahri but his passport still lists him as Dennis Crane which is why the name is on the No Fly List.
So- Now that we've cleared it up- It's not that simple.
The current technology doesn't provide airline officials with the target's date ofbirth, race or physical description.
Just a name.
Wait.
Are you saying anyone named Dennis Crane- Will not be allowed to fly on commercial airliners.
Unless he can get on the other list of people on the No Fly List who can fly.
Uh, okay.
So, uh, put him on that list.
Also not simple.
He'll have to fill out a form and wait for approval.
- Well, how long will that take? - It's, um, indeterminate.
You're joking.
I assure you the federal government has no sense of humor.
And neither should you when it comes to the war on terror.
- Let me shoot him.
- Mr.
Murch there is nobody more red, white and blue than this man here.
He's for the death penalty.
He's pro-life.
He doesn't read newspapers.
He's exercised every loophole to avoid paying taxes.
He's even donated to theJack Abramoff Ball.
I sympathize with you.
I really do.
But these are some of the prices we pay to live in a free and democratic society which is safe.
- Let me shoot him.
- Are you threatening me? No, that job falls to me, Mr.
Murch.
I will ask you nicely to put Denny's name on the fly list or I will complicate your life in federal court.
By the time I'm finished, your superiors won't be saying "Heck of a job, Murchie.
" You're threatening to mess up my life? You're talking to Homeland Security.
We're the master.
We couldn't have been more clear with her.
We had a meeting to specifically discuss the allergy.
We went over the precise procedures.
She knew the severity of the risk.
We understand, Mrs.
Beckett.
Nobody's denying the terrible tragedy that occurred here.
But you are denying her culpability, are you not? Mr.
And Mrs.
Beckett, I'm sure you can appreciate that as Helen's lawyers we can't admit any liability on her part.
But let's assume, for the sake of argument, she bears some responsibility.
She has no assets.
Any judgment you get would not be recoverable.
This is not about money, Ms.
Schmidt.
Okay.
Then, if I may ask, what is it about? We want to send a message.
We want to put the word out that teachers like her need to take care.
You need to take care.
Take off the wig, Clarence.
This wig doesn't come off as easily, child.
It doesn't just pop off like a hood ornament.
What happened? Obviously something went wrong with Sandy.
Sandy's a darling girl, but she wasn't remotely in a place to have a relationship.
- You know what I'm saying? - What happened? There weren't any precipitating factors.
Sometimes two people, despite having a lot in common- - Can you just take off the wig- - Enough with the wig! - Forget the wig! - Who was that? From the sound of his voice, I'd say Clevant.
Clarence, you're not schizophrenic.
You're just choosing to hide behind these personas, especially when s- What exactly happened with Sandy? You know, honey, I'll make a deal.
We'll talk about Clarence and his personal life, if we can first discuss yours.
Do you have a personal life, Claire? In the workplace, absolutely not.
Anyplace? Why do you dress the way you do? What is the wrong with the way I dress? It just isn't very sexual.
You appear to have a very good body, and you cover it up.
I do not.
Have you been sexually assaulted, Claire? Okay, Oprah.
Isn't this when on your show you cut to a commercial? You ask a big loaded, melodramatic question and then you say, "We'll be right back after this.
" Why don't you say that? One second, Denny.
Denny and I are off to federal court.
Seems he's on the No Fly List.
Gee.
Denise, I thought you'd be more sympathetic.
Denny can't spread his wings.
Imagine how you'd feel if you were robbed of the opportunity to spread yours.
That is so lame.
- Why do you smell of sex, Denise? - Excuse me? A woman gives off a certain scent when she's having sex.
Who are you having sex with, Denise? Okay, you are out of your mind.
It smells like Brad.
Is it Brad? - What was that all about? - He knows.
- Knows what? - That we're having sex.
- Did you tell anybody? - How could he possibly know unless you told somebody? I didn't tell anybody.
He smelled it on me.
Oh, stop it.
I had checked the lunches.
I check them all every day.
The school has a strict no-peanut policy.
Yes.
And all parents were notifiied verbally and in writing not to bring anything with nuts to class.
So what happened? Well, the children were eating.
All of a sudden, Nate- he was on the floor.
I went over.
He had gone into shock.
- And then? - And then I followed the protocol.
I unlocked the first aid cabinet.
I got out an EpiPen.
I jammed it into his thigh, but it was too late.
It turns out another student had brought in a mini candy bar with nuts in it and I never saw it.
What exactly were you doing when Nate Beckett went into anaphylactic shock? I was talking on my cell phone.
Is that permissible for teachers to be on their cell phones during class? It was during lunch.
But, no, it is not permissible.
My father had had surgery that morning.
I was anxious to check up on him.
In fact, you had your back turned on your students as you spoke on the phone? My father had a life-threatening condition.
I didn't want to alarm the students.
How long had Nate been on the floor before you noticed him? Well, the children started to scream, so- I don't know.
Not long.
- Twenty seconds? - At the most.
I would say under.
But possibly 20 seconds? Possibly.
- How long have you been a teacher? - Seven years.
- Do you like it? - I love it.
It's all I ever wanted to do.
Has anything like this ever happened in your class before? No.
God, no.
I just- I know I shouldn't have been on my cell phone.
If I may ask, what was the outcome of your dad's surgery? He didn't make it.
We're back from that commercial break in case you wanna continue our conversation.
You know what? You wanna take off that wig and talk? Fine.
But I'm not sharing my life with Oprah.
I'm not capable ofhaving that talk as Clarence, which you know.
You got issues, girl.
Now you can go through life letting people in or keeping them shut out.
Your choice.
I have never been sexually assaulted.
I've certainly been groped on the odd date but let's just say it's nothing I couldn't handle.
Is one of the ways you handle it by dressing in a nonsexual way? I don't think I dress that way.
I dress maybe a little conservatively, but- Why? Conservative is not a word I'd use to describe you, Claire.
- You're a balls-out kind of girl.
- In case you haven't noticed this place is a rather spectacular boys' club.
If you so much as turn your back on Denny Crane, he tries to mount you.
Alan Shore is in the Guinness book of lechers.
I don't believe you.
I am standing here talking to Oprah.
Believe it.
- Shirley Schmidt is a name partner.
- And a queen bee which is how she'd like to keep it.
Look, I'm busy.
Let's cut to another commercial.
One of the reasons this may be an old boys' club is because the women here feel they have to become one of the boys to succeed.
You're a tough broad, Claire.
If any girl's got a shot at crashing through that Plexiglas ceiling it's got to be you.
Don't be afraid to be sexy.
And don't be afraid to be soft.
Succeed on your terms here, not theirs.
How about we both try and work on that? Clarence needs to come back to work.
I can't afford Oprah.
They pulled me out before I could board.
- Put me in this little room.
- At some point, somebody joined you in the little room.
Oh, somebody from Transportation Security told me I can't fly.
- Did he say why? - My name is on the No Fly List.
You've since cleared up the confusion? Confusion, yes.
Not the problem.
Still can't fly unless I get these special papers which will take who knows how long? It's ridiculous.
That's why I usually fly private.
- You're still not allowed to fly? - No.
Why has this reached my courtroom? Mr.
Crane is looking for special treatment, Your Honor.
Special treatment? To be allowed to fly on an airplane without government interference? The special treatment he seeks is to get off the No Fly List without the specified papers that taxpayers on the list must typically wait for.
Why are typical taxpayers even on the list? - Look, in case you haven't noticed- - Oh, here it comes.
We're in a war on terror.
People screamed after - Now you bitch we're doing too much.
- Because you are.
Law-abiding, loyal Americans are being treated like shoe bombers.
Shoe bombers don't declare themselves, Mr.
Shore, in case you- Mr.
Randolph, I am not persuaded.
Who have you got? I have Lynwood Winchell from the Transportation Security Administration.
Get his ass up here.
I like you.
Anaphylactic shock can come on suddenly, which is what happened here.
The airways can become clogged in less than 30 seconds.
If the EpiPen isn't administered, it can be fatal.
If Ms.
Choi had gotten to your son sooner- Well, we obviously can't know for sure.
But he had had these attacks before, and the EpiPen along with the pills, had proven effective.
So her delay might very well have contributed to his death? Yes.
Now, Mr.
Beckett, she's a teacher, not a doctor.
No.
Teachers are trained in first aid, including the use of an EpiPen.
This teacher, in fact, had been trained.
We made sure of it.
But realistically, is what happened here really a foreseeable thing? Yes.
Health-care-need students are now typically mainstream.
Between 10 and 20% of today's public school students have chronic physical, emotional or social problems.
And the peanut allergy is a big one which she knew.
Ten to 20 percent of our high school students have chronic medical or social problems? Fifty million Americans suffer from some kind of autoimmune disease.
- It's become epidemic.
- Are we increasing the number of nurses in our public schools? As far as I know, no.
So wejust hand off to the teachers? Reading, writing, 'rithmetic and epidemics? She knew her responsibilities, accepted them and failed to live up to them.
Look, we're all sorry for the mix-up.
But we are in a pitched battle with religious fanatics who use civilian aircraft as missiles against high-density targets.
Well, can't you just take Mr.
Crane's name off the list? In which case someone we targeted- that terrorist with thejihad- is also allowed to travel.
- None of us want that.
- The system can't differentiate? In time, it will be able to.
But for now, let's make the skies safe.
And we're doing that, by the way.
There hasn't been an aviation hijacking since 9/11.
Mr.
Crane left that detail out of his lawsuit.
You seem quite pleased with yourself.
Actually, Mr.
Shore, my tone is more exasperated.
I'm rather sick of everyone dumping on Homeland Security.
Uh, by everyone, you mean- The media, the lawyers who love to file suit.
The 911 Commission, they dumped on you pretty good, didn't they? - Somewhat.
- Somewhat? A "D"in port security an "F" in improving communications for first responders a "D" in border security, an "F" in aviation security, a "D" in chemical plants.
Security? These aren't passing grades, Mr.
Winchell.
We're doing what we can.
And lawsuits like this one don't help.
I read Ted Kennedy was on your No Fly List.
Does he take the train now? That situation was resolved.
And yet the British suspects who were arrested last summer for plotting to blow up aircraft, they weren't on the list despite being under surveillance for over a year.
How is that possible? - Some of the more dangerous ones we leave off.
- Excuse me? If suspected terrorists knew their names were on the list it could change their operational plans and make them harder to capture.
So, Mr.
Crane, an American citizen who has no ties to any terrorist organization, is on the list.
But some of the most dangerous terrorists are not? I'll tell you this, Mr.
Smug.
For every innocent caught in the net, there's 10 guilty ones.
So don't tell me- - Really? Like whom? - I can't reveal classified information.
Well, lucky for me, I have my own sources.
A recent study of the 441 terrorism-related arrests made in the United States revealed that virtually all of them involved lesser charges like visa violations, fraud- not terrorism.
You know, sir, I go to work every day and try to make America safer.
What do you do? I'll tell you what you do.
You represent a lot of people like Mr.
Crane who have a lot of time and money on their hands who can afford to manipulate the legal system to make myjob tougher.
I suppose you're right.
One has to wonder how many Denny Cranes are out there being denied the right to fly who can't afford an attorney.
Do we have any with us today? If so, please stand.
Everyone here is named Denny Crane.
These arejust the ones within driving distance, of course since airplane travel is not an option.
Thank you.
Oh.
Would you please? You still smell of sex, but this time with a tinge ofJeffrey Coho.
- Are you on drugs? - Hi, guys.
Are you sleeping with Denise, Jeffrey? As he is not- So what did he want? - Who? - Shore.
Just saw him in there.
Uh, usual nonsense.
If it's any help, Sally said that he can't take any role reversal.
- What does that mean? - It means when the woman becomes the predator he runs away like a little bunny.
Really? Now, Mrs.
Beckett, this lawsuit can't bring your son back.
No.
But maybe it can save someone else's child.
And like my husband said, there are millions of children with autoimmune diseases many in public schools, relying on a standard of care.
If this lawsuit can sound a bell- We count on our teachers.
My God, we trust you with our babies.
I don't mean to be insensitive.
But you're a person of means, are you not, Mrs.
Beckett? I'm financially secure.
- If you think for a second that eases my pain- - I'm sure that it doesn't, but- and I'm sorry if this does sound insensitive- but you had the means to hire a shadow nurse, didn't you? Some parents do that.
They sit in the back of the classroom pretending to be a lab teacher or- Or you could've put your son in private school where the teacher-student ratio is less than 30-to-1.
- How dare you.
- I apologize, Mrs.
Beckett.
But you're sitting in that chair playing armchair quarterback saying that my client could have prevented this tragedy.
When in fact, you could've as well.
I would have done whatever I thought necessary, Ms.
Walker including private schools or shadow nurses.
After meeting with your client, I didn't believe that to be necessary.
Because my client struck you as being both capable and dedicated.
Yes.
Thank you.
We live in a different world since 9/11.
But no one here seems really willing to live in that world.
Sergeant Mike Krause of the army's in both Iraq and Afghanistan was recently quoted in the New York Times.
He said, "We're nowhere close to sharing the sacrifiice.
And it must be shared.
"Because it's only in that sharing that society will truly care about what's going on over there.
" In previous wartimes, the public was called upon to make great sacrifiices.
They were told to give up meat and rubber and steel.
Young men were drafted into the military.
Today there's no draft, there's no rationing.
No one's telling you to buy war bonds.
No one's rounding you up to put you in internment camps because of your nationality.
The No Fly List is an inconvenience, Your Honor.
And an inconvenience for a very small part of the population.
Just think if we had been able to stop those 9/11 hijackers from ever getting on those planes because their names were on a list warning us of their potential for harm.
But all Mr.
Crane seems to care about is he's delayed getting to Maui.
Some sacrifice.
This is going to be long, isn't it? Some of the new iPods you can load up to Streams of videos, pictures- All on a thing this big.
The technology in this country is staggering.
And yet the government can't get their computers to erase my client from the No Fly List.
Even though they admit he shouldn't be on it.
Instead anybody named Denny Crane can't fly.
Now, Mr.
Winchell is correct.
He doesn't need me to indict Homeland Security.
The 911 Commission already did that.
The American public certainly doesn't need to hear it from me.
No.
What Homeland Security could really use from me or others- preferably others- is a little help.
Why not get it? I'm sure Tom Ridge is a very nice man- capable too.
As is Michael Chertoff.
But I can get 20,000 songs on my iPod.
We have geniuses in this country.
True pioneers of innovation.
SteveJobs, Stephen Wozniak, Steve Ballmer.
If we could just round up some of our best Steves.
We've got kids in garages inventing Google and YouTube.
Jets can not only fly by computer but they can now take off and land on autopilot.
Should we truly be stumped by this No Fly computer list? How about something so simple as issuing a flier's license? It could have your picture, fingerprints.
You show it.
Scan the card and your fingers at the gate.
If it's a match, you get your aisle seat.
This can't be undoable.
Expensive, maybe.
Butjudging from recent spending patterns, we've got billions to throw around.
Halliburton alone has profited over 10 billion from the war.
Maybe we could get them to kick in.
Why is it our government leaders only tap into the private sector for campaign contributions or to pass out contracts to cronies? Bill Gates is out there.
Paul Allen.
Has anybody called them? I bet Mark Cuban would personally fund the computer upgrades if you gave him free publicity.
Is it really against national policy to think outside the box? This isn't about beating up on Homeland Security.
Everybody knows they're trying.
I'm sure they're good people.
But they simply cannot dispatch a representative to this courtroom to say the problem isn't fixable while thousands of Americans are being denied due process.
It so easily has to be fixable.
And in the meantime, my client sits here today, a law-abiding man grounded, while Bella lays writhing in Maui.
Too long? Stop it.
I'm serious.
- Just one little waft.
- Alan, I am not finding this amusing.
I'm about to register you as a sex offender.
What? This time I detect both Brad and Jeffrey.
Denise, if it's a public course, I should be allowed to play.
Alan, let's go to your office for a minute.
- Really? - Mmm.
Wanna pull out your 3-wood? I was thinking my sand wedge.
- Let's go.
- Sorry? See, you like to talk.
I don't.
I like to do.
- I also like to be spontaneous.
- What are you saying? I'm saying you've got five minutes.
Your desk looks available.
- You-You want to have sex on my desk? - Mm-hmm.
Right now.
Surely you jest.
Don't you? I don't joke about sex.
So, are we on the desk or not? Oh! You can tell Sally she was wrong.
- Hey.
- No, no.
Helen Choi was specifiically trained to use an EpiPen.
She knew how critical even a few lost seconds could be.
She was on her cell phone, against school policy.
Had her back turned to her students.
She didn't even notice Nate when he first went down.
And with anaphylactic shock, the difference between life and death is seconds.
Now if this were an isolated incident- if Nate had suffered some sort of freak reaction- I suppose we could all say, "Well, sometimes bad things happen.
" But the reality is that kids with special needs- with medical needs- are now mainstreamed in our public schools.
Our teachers need to be vigilant.
And she wasn't.
As a result, a little boy died.
We need you to send a message- not just to Helen Choi, but to all teachers- that this is not acceptable.
Like Rachel Beckett said "We trust you with our babies.
" Lawsuits are about allocating burden.
For example, we want our cars to be safer so we hit the manufacturers with a judgment that makes it more cost-effective to install the air bag.
The problem here, as Ms.
Bixby correctly states is we have more and more special-needs kids going into our public schools combined with an unprecedented escalation in autoimmune diseases, autism- The peanut allergy alone has doubled in recent years.
So who do we heap this responsibility on? Who else? The teachers.
The average annual starting salary for a teacher is $32,000.
For that, we ask them to teach, police, provide emotional and social guidance.
In some schools, they actually have to clean the toilets.
Now let's throw in health care.
This teacher, she works 65-hour weeks.
In addition to her actual classroom duties she teaches sex education to the older kids.
She teaches a standardized test the school mandates in order to qualify for funding under the No Child Left Behind Act.
She spends another 10 hours a month meeting with parents.
She supervises extracurricular activities, goes on overnight class trips cleans and disinfects toys, coaches.
She teaches fire drills, safety procedures, healthy eating habits.
She's certified in C.
P.
R.
, first aid and food sanitation.
She is so overextended that when her own father had to undergo a life-threatening medical procedure she couldn't be at the hospital.
So she called on her cell phone to see ifhe had lived which he hadn't.
She then turned away from her students so as not to traumatize them with her grief which as a teacher she was expected to internalize.
She has no savings, no house.
And today she's being sued because without her knowledge one of her students snuck a bite-size candy bar containing traces of peanut into her classroom.
Now she's being publicly blamed for the death of a child whose parents had the means to implement a multitude of safeguards.
They implemented none of them except a teacher.
Is it any wonder half our teachers are quitting the profession outright within five years? Never mind who's going to handle the EpiPen.
Who's going to teach? Oh, thank you.
Clarence.
I believe the deal was if I dish, you dish.
So, what happened with Sandy? She just, uh- She just didn't like me that way.
Could I get you to look at me for a second? There will be women who do.
Is that all? Yeah, that's all.
Mr.
Randolph, I realize that Homeland Security has had a pretty rough go oflate.
And I certainly don't want to pile on.
But I have to agree with Mr.
Shore.
Given the capacity of technology today, this has to be a fixable problem.
I don't think Mr.
Crane should have to sit around waiting for you to fix it.
It is the order of this court that you take the petitioner off the No Fly List.
Or in the alternative, put him on the list of those who can fly even though they're on the No Fly List.
We're adjourned.
Mai tais, Bella.
Midnight Hawaii time, my head will be the center of a thigh sandwich.
Due process does have its dividends.
- Maybe you should come with.
- Forget it.
I'm not getting sloppy seconds after Bella.
- Denny? - Bethany, what a coincidence.
Actually not.
I heard you were here.
- Oh.
- Listen I've been doing a lot of thinking about what you said.
Never mind all the reasons not to date somebody.
What does your heart say? 'Cause mine says to give this a chance.
- Oh.
- Can I take you to dinner? Well, actually I'm getting on a plane tonight.
- Where are you going? - Hawaii.
I see.
With somebody? Well, actually yes.
Is it my mother? Technically, yes.
I see.
Have a lovely time.
Sorry to bother you.
Denny, I'm a fairly staunch advocate of telling the truth but sometimes it's more humane to lie.
I felt like a deer in the headlights.
I hope I didn't hurt her.
At least my mother taught me how to tackle.
Good-bye, Denny Crane.
Oh, and tell Bella she better watch her back.
That is one tough broad.
Oh.
Mr.
Foreman, thejury has reached a verdict? - We have, Your Honor.
- What say you? In the matter of the Estate of Nathaniel Beckett versus Helen Choi we, the jury, find in favor of the defendant.
Thank you for your service.
This jury is dismissed.
I don't know what to say.
Thank you.
Thank you both so, so much.
- Congratulations.
- We can help you get reinstated, if you like.
Oh, uh, thank you.
But actually, my brother-in-law has a real estate business.
And, well, I decided to go for my broker's license.
Oh.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's a really exciting opportunity, and I'd be crazy not to take it.
There's room for growth, and you know, I think it might be something I'd enjoy.
So I figured why not, right? Yeah.
- What time's your flight? - 9:00.
You can still change your mind.
I'm sure by now Mr.
Winchell has added my name to the No Fly List.
Alan, I'm grateful for everything you did but I wasn't crazy about you attacking the government.
Don't be silly.
I'm sure you were a little crazy.
Hmm.
I happen to agree with a lot of what Randolph said in his closing.
People in this country gotta sacrifice more.
Is that why you're flying commercial and not taking your Gulfstream? Doesn't do any good to sit back and criticize.
Sometimes it does, Denny.
Sometimes the most patriotic thing you can do is criticize.
Liberty in this country was founded on that very ideal.
How did it happen that dissent became some form of heresy? Well, I'm all for dissent when I'm sure I'm right.
Denny, I'm not sure I've ever told you this, but I truly love America.
I would never consider living anywhere else.
But this country's only 200 years old.
It's a work in progress- especially lately.
All right, Mr.
Smarty-pants.
You get to change one thing.
What is it? Get rid of all stores that end with "mart.
" Besides that.
One change.
Well, first, I'd like to stop people from passing off narrow-mindedness and intolerance as family values.
No, no, no, no.
That's political.
Doesn't count.
Name a change that relates to this issue:: Government technology.
I made that suggestion in court.
Hire the geniuses, not the guy who's got the best lobbyist or the rich friend who will take you to his quail ranch and let you shoot him.
Hire the thinkers.
- The Steves? - For a start.
Instead of every Tom, Dick and Brownie, let's turn our visionaries loose.
At the very least, we'll be rid of those stores where you can buy both meat and CDs.
- What would you change? - Not a thing.
- Not a thing? - This country works, Alan.
You Democrats don't want to admit it.
Oh, I'm not saying there aren't kinks.
Foam chips off the occasional spacecraft.
We start the odd war on false pretenses.
But by and large, America works.
That's why I- I'm completely nuts about it.
- To Denny Crane.
- Completely nuts.
You stinker!