Clarence US (2014) s03e12 Episode Script
The Big Game
1 [Remote clicks.]
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Man: Lost in a world they don't understand, our intrepid heroes must team up to defeat the evil [Clatter.]
- What?! - Hi, Belson.
Um, could you grab that, please? Will they defeat him? [Static.]
Dustin, check it out.
Chad and Clarence are working for my dad.
- Hi, Belson.
- [Laughs.]
Losers.
This roof is scratchy.
Hey, uh, bud, let's stay away from the edge, okay? Well, I got to say, you did a real bang-up job, there, Toddster.
To Oh.
Oh, me.
[Laughs.]
Thanks.
You know, with the little man, here, it's actually kind of fun.
[Laughs loudly.]
Work hard, play hard.
- [Laughs.]
I love it.
- So, I guess you should settle up.
Uh, $300, like we agreed.
Ding-dong! I got something better than a lousy 300 smackers.
- You a Peccary fan? - Um What? The Arizona Peccary! I got great seats to today's game.
- Oh, nice.
Box seats.
- Oh, yeah, the Peccary.
Um, they play soccer, or baseball, right? Well, I We don't really follow sports.
You've never taken your boy to a game? [Grunts.]
You got to go! Get your blood boiling! Good, old-fashioned American fun! [Grunts.]
You're gonna love it.
Uh, take Belson, too.
What? Dad, I want to go with you.
No, I, uh, got to go, uh, to a thing.
Have fun, then.
What took you so long?! Get the lead out or get chopped! Um, we got paid, right? Huh.
Whoa, guess this is it.
Aw, dang.
They got BBQs and everything.
[Whistle blowing.]
[Horn honks.]
Whoo! - Ugh, forget this.
- Uh, hey, kid, wait.
Yeah, I'll see you at the box, Toddster.
Oh, there's one.
[Metal scraping.]
Great spot.
Announcer: It certainly is a beautiful day for a game of sports.
I'm not waiting.
And today, we are honored to present our own Arizona Peccary versus the good ol' Boise Good Boys.
As always, our own Hammy the Hog will be on hand to provide hilarious entertainment.
Hammy gonna sneeze ya! Yeesh, these mascot guys always creep me out.
- I, uh, can't find your buddy.
- Oh, that little scamp.
Probably just went inside already.
Let's go in and find him.
The little scamp had our tickets.
Mr.
Noles, shrimp? Um, how much is it for two seats in the box seats? Two premium box seats with premiere stadium service comes to $2,254.
I see.
Let me just check what we got in here.
[Squelch! Squelch!.]
[Wah-wah!.]
Do you have anything cheaper? Announcer: Obviously, Fueternick was two steps out of bounds.
It's gonna fall on Delaney to pick up the slack.
Let's go sports! Whoo-hoo! Yeah.
[Cheering.]
Wha Um, what happened? Kadzingus just took another one off the head.
[Laughs.]
Sucker.
- Oh.
Hi, Jeff's mom.
- Hey, Clarence.
- Chad.
- What's good, E.
J.
? Oh, just taking Mom out to a Sunday game.
It's the one thing we enjoy doing together.
[imitates.]
"Go Peccary.
I love sports.
I love my daughter.
Whoo-hoo.
" [Whistle blows.]
- Oh, wow.
- Aw! Come on, Delaney.
- What is this, high school? - [Chuckles.]
Yeah.
Boo.
No bushes.
You're playing it bad.
- Uh, what are they yelling about? - I'm not sure, but I think the guy was pretending to be in a bush? - Oh, really? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, 'cause their goal made a home score.
And so, he was getting mad, and then he got scared, - and then he hid in a bush.
- Huh.
[Whistle blows.]
W-Where are they going? Is the game over? It's just a time out.
Announcer: It's Dance O'Clock.
[Music.]
Cool, TV.
[Chuckles.]
Ooh, ooh, ah.
Hey, come on.
Show us! Over here! Yeah, show us! Come on! [Gasps.]
Whoa, it's Hammy.
[Music.]
[Clarence laughs.]
Uh-oh.
Hammy gonna sneeze ya! [Gasps.]
That's gonna be a lotsa tissues.
Hammy.
Hammy, come sneeze on me.
[Whistle blows.]
Aw, bring him back.
[Chanting.]
Bring Hammy back.
Come on.
Bring Hammy back.
And back courtside, the referee has some harsh words - for the Good Boys.
- What?! If you want want to watch the game, go look out the window! Where's the ball? Chad? Chad, isn't there supposed to be a ball? Yeah, buddy? What's up? [Giggles.]
- Chad - What? Is there something on my face? - [Laughs.]
Whoa.
- Oh, no.
Are you kidding me? I mean Just You Come Aw.
- [Chuckling.]
Whoa, look out.
- Stop.
Chad, stop.
You're gonna stretch out my nose.
Oh, sorry.
It's okay, bud.
I was just playing.
- Oh.
What is that? - It's the wave, man.
Oh, my gosh.
It's beautiful.
Here it comes.
Get ready.
Whoa! Okay, it's going around again.
- Again? - Yeah.
Here it comes.
- Oh, my gosh.
Here it comes.
- Okay.
Here it comes.
- Whoa! - Whoo! [Laughs.]
I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
Wait, what? No.
Boo! Keep waving! Mm.
Chad, will you wave with me? - Sure.
- Whoo! - Come on.
I - Whoo! Whoo-hoo! - I can't see.
- Whoo-hoo! - Yeah! - Whoo! Announcer: Wow, it happened.
In all my years of sport, I've never seen it actually happen.
No! I'm trying to watch the game here, geez! Oh, sorry.
It's little dude's first game.
We're pretty stoked.
[Inhales deeply.]
If you could just, please, stop dancing.
Excuse me, isn't this supposed to be fun? Fun?! Do you have any idea how much I have riding on this? We have riding on this we, the Peccary.
What? [Sighs.]
Announcer: And Kadzingus standing around with his head in the clouds, making it real easy for this Good Boy offense.
Gonna be tough to put score points on the board with an attitude like that.
Hmm? Hmph.
[Gasps.]
[High-pitched.]
# Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you # - Hammy! - # Happy birthday to you # [Laughs.]
Hammy.
Hammy! Come here, Hammy! Have fun with me! Oh, come on.
Go get 'em, team! Get those guys! - Announcer: The Peccary not wasting any time today.
- Hammy.
- Really showing some irreparable damage - Hammy! to their reputation as professionals here.
Let's hope they can pick up the slack post-haste.
Maybe if we all cross our fingers, they'll at least give it the old college try.
One can slumber, and one can dream.
Am I right, spectators? And what dream is sweeter than a sport dream? Dreams of points and dunks and facts and errors and balls and catching them and throwing them.
[Gasps.]
My boy! Wait up! Wait up, Hammy! Oh.
Hey! - Peanut head! - Aw.
- Whoa! - Hey, Belson! - Oh, you.
- Yeah! - Yay, look at you, bud! - You got it.
- All right! Go, Peccary, go! - Go Peccary! Ugh, keep it down! - Oh, uh, sorry.
- Yeah, that's better.
You don't have to move around like that.
These motion controls don't even work.
Oh.
Well, shoot.
[Grunting.]
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
[Panting.]
I think I lost him.
Announcer: In the meantime, here's more Hammy.
Ham.
Announcer: Look at this poor fella.
Looks like he fell asleep at the wrong sports.
Hammy gonna sn-sn-sn-sneeze ya! Hmm.
[Chuckles.]
Announcer: Wakey, wakey.
Look at this little king of Dreamtown, this prince of the Nap Zone.
[Laughter.]
Aah! W-What's everyone laughing at? Huh? Announcer: You're on camera.
Let's see what Hammy has in store for this confused fan.
[Laughs.]
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
[Laughs.]
That's That's fine.
Okay.
All right, come on.
And Hammy is just not giving this guy a break.
Stop it, man.
Stop it.
Stop.
[Crowd cheering.]
The crowd seems to have worked themselves into some sort of bloodlust.
All: [Chanting.]
Sneeze on him! Sneeze on him! Announcer: And here comes the mucus.
Oh, no! No, no! No, no, no, no, no! Ah-choo! Ah-choo! Ah-choo! Looks like we've got a new challenger.
It's some sort of child.
My turn.
Uh-oh, kid.
Hammy gonna sneeze ya.
[Chanting.]
Sneeze on him! Sneeze on him! [Laughing.]
Sneeze on him! Sneeze on him! Sneeze on him! Sneeze on him! [Crowd cheering.]
Yeah! [Laughing.]
Sticky.
Announcer: Looks like we've got some collateral damage on the sneeze front.
[Laughter.]
Buck up, pal.
Think of the sports.
[Grunting.]
[Hammy screams.]
Announcer: Ouchies.
[Laughter.]
That was fun.
[Buzzer.]
[Both gasp.]
- Huh? Is the game over? - No.
It's only halftime! [Crying.]
Oh, we are hosed.
- Can we go home? - Yes.
- That was fun.
- Yeah.
Who would've thought sports could be so fun.
We should go to another sports tomorrow, - if Belson's dad lets us.
- Oh, shoot.
We forgot Oh, no.
We're good.
I got my finger right here.
[Both laugh.]
Yeah, just just please, please don't pick my nose again.
[Flies buzzing.]
I hate sports.
Early to bed Early to rise Pickin' my nose
[Upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Man: Lost in a world they don't understand, our intrepid heroes must team up to defeat the evil [Clatter.]
- What?! - Hi, Belson.
Um, could you grab that, please? Will they defeat him? [Static.]
Dustin, check it out.
Chad and Clarence are working for my dad.
- Hi, Belson.
- [Laughs.]
Losers.
This roof is scratchy.
Hey, uh, bud, let's stay away from the edge, okay? Well, I got to say, you did a real bang-up job, there, Toddster.
To Oh.
Oh, me.
[Laughs.]
Thanks.
You know, with the little man, here, it's actually kind of fun.
[Laughs loudly.]
Work hard, play hard.
- [Laughs.]
I love it.
- So, I guess you should settle up.
Uh, $300, like we agreed.
Ding-dong! I got something better than a lousy 300 smackers.
- You a Peccary fan? - Um What? The Arizona Peccary! I got great seats to today's game.
- Oh, nice.
Box seats.
- Oh, yeah, the Peccary.
Um, they play soccer, or baseball, right? Well, I We don't really follow sports.
You've never taken your boy to a game? [Grunts.]
You got to go! Get your blood boiling! Good, old-fashioned American fun! [Grunts.]
You're gonna love it.
Uh, take Belson, too.
What? Dad, I want to go with you.
No, I, uh, got to go, uh, to a thing.
Have fun, then.
What took you so long?! Get the lead out or get chopped! Um, we got paid, right? Huh.
Whoa, guess this is it.
Aw, dang.
They got BBQs and everything.
[Whistle blowing.]
[Horn honks.]
Whoo! - Ugh, forget this.
- Uh, hey, kid, wait.
Yeah, I'll see you at the box, Toddster.
Oh, there's one.
[Metal scraping.]
Great spot.
Announcer: It certainly is a beautiful day for a game of sports.
I'm not waiting.
And today, we are honored to present our own Arizona Peccary versus the good ol' Boise Good Boys.
As always, our own Hammy the Hog will be on hand to provide hilarious entertainment.
Hammy gonna sneeze ya! Yeesh, these mascot guys always creep me out.
- I, uh, can't find your buddy.
- Oh, that little scamp.
Probably just went inside already.
Let's go in and find him.
The little scamp had our tickets.
Mr.
Noles, shrimp? Um, how much is it for two seats in the box seats? Two premium box seats with premiere stadium service comes to $2,254.
I see.
Let me just check what we got in here.
[Squelch! Squelch!.]
[Wah-wah!.]
Do you have anything cheaper? Announcer: Obviously, Fueternick was two steps out of bounds.
It's gonna fall on Delaney to pick up the slack.
Let's go sports! Whoo-hoo! Yeah.
[Cheering.]
Wha Um, what happened? Kadzingus just took another one off the head.
[Laughs.]
Sucker.
- Oh.
Hi, Jeff's mom.
- Hey, Clarence.
- Chad.
- What's good, E.
J.
? Oh, just taking Mom out to a Sunday game.
It's the one thing we enjoy doing together.
[imitates.]
"Go Peccary.
I love sports.
I love my daughter.
Whoo-hoo.
" [Whistle blows.]
- Oh, wow.
- Aw! Come on, Delaney.
- What is this, high school? - [Chuckles.]
Yeah.
Boo.
No bushes.
You're playing it bad.
- Uh, what are they yelling about? - I'm not sure, but I think the guy was pretending to be in a bush? - Oh, really? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, 'cause their goal made a home score.
And so, he was getting mad, and then he got scared, - and then he hid in a bush.
- Huh.
[Whistle blows.]
W-Where are they going? Is the game over? It's just a time out.
Announcer: It's Dance O'Clock.
[Music.]
Cool, TV.
[Chuckles.]
Ooh, ooh, ah.
Hey, come on.
Show us! Over here! Yeah, show us! Come on! [Gasps.]
Whoa, it's Hammy.
[Music.]
[Clarence laughs.]
Uh-oh.
Hammy gonna sneeze ya! [Gasps.]
That's gonna be a lotsa tissues.
Hammy.
Hammy, come sneeze on me.
[Whistle blows.]
Aw, bring him back.
[Chanting.]
Bring Hammy back.
Come on.
Bring Hammy back.
And back courtside, the referee has some harsh words - for the Good Boys.
- What?! If you want want to watch the game, go look out the window! Where's the ball? Chad? Chad, isn't there supposed to be a ball? Yeah, buddy? What's up? [Giggles.]
- Chad - What? Is there something on my face? - [Laughs.]
Whoa.
- Oh, no.
Are you kidding me? I mean Just You Come Aw.
- [Chuckling.]
Whoa, look out.
- Stop.
Chad, stop.
You're gonna stretch out my nose.
Oh, sorry.
It's okay, bud.
I was just playing.
- Oh.
What is that? - It's the wave, man.
Oh, my gosh.
It's beautiful.
Here it comes.
Get ready.
Whoa! Okay, it's going around again.
- Again? - Yeah.
Here it comes.
- Oh, my gosh.
Here it comes.
- Okay.
Here it comes.
- Whoa! - Whoo! [Laughs.]
I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
Wait, what? No.
Boo! Keep waving! Mm.
Chad, will you wave with me? - Sure.
- Whoo! - Come on.
I - Whoo! Whoo-hoo! - I can't see.
- Whoo-hoo! - Yeah! - Whoo! Announcer: Wow, it happened.
In all my years of sport, I've never seen it actually happen.
No! I'm trying to watch the game here, geez! Oh, sorry.
It's little dude's first game.
We're pretty stoked.
[Inhales deeply.]
If you could just, please, stop dancing.
Excuse me, isn't this supposed to be fun? Fun?! Do you have any idea how much I have riding on this? We have riding on this we, the Peccary.
What? [Sighs.]
Announcer: And Kadzingus standing around with his head in the clouds, making it real easy for this Good Boy offense.
Gonna be tough to put score points on the board with an attitude like that.
Hmm? Hmph.
[Gasps.]
[High-pitched.]
# Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you # - Hammy! - # Happy birthday to you # [Laughs.]
Hammy.
Hammy! Come here, Hammy! Have fun with me! Oh, come on.
Go get 'em, team! Get those guys! - Announcer: The Peccary not wasting any time today.
- Hammy.
- Really showing some irreparable damage - Hammy! to their reputation as professionals here.
Let's hope they can pick up the slack post-haste.
Maybe if we all cross our fingers, they'll at least give it the old college try.
One can slumber, and one can dream.
Am I right, spectators? And what dream is sweeter than a sport dream? Dreams of points and dunks and facts and errors and balls and catching them and throwing them.
[Gasps.]
My boy! Wait up! Wait up, Hammy! Oh.
Hey! - Peanut head! - Aw.
- Whoa! - Hey, Belson! - Oh, you.
- Yeah! - Yay, look at you, bud! - You got it.
- All right! Go, Peccary, go! - Go Peccary! Ugh, keep it down! - Oh, uh, sorry.
- Yeah, that's better.
You don't have to move around like that.
These motion controls don't even work.
Oh.
Well, shoot.
[Grunting.]
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
[Panting.]
I think I lost him.
Announcer: In the meantime, here's more Hammy.
Ham.
Announcer: Look at this poor fella.
Looks like he fell asleep at the wrong sports.
Hammy gonna sn-sn-sn-sneeze ya! Hmm.
[Chuckles.]
Announcer: Wakey, wakey.
Look at this little king of Dreamtown, this prince of the Nap Zone.
[Laughter.]
Aah! W-What's everyone laughing at? Huh? Announcer: You're on camera.
Let's see what Hammy has in store for this confused fan.
[Laughs.]
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
[Laughs.]
That's That's fine.
Okay.
All right, come on.
And Hammy is just not giving this guy a break.
Stop it, man.
Stop it.
Stop.
[Crowd cheering.]
The crowd seems to have worked themselves into some sort of bloodlust.
All: [Chanting.]
Sneeze on him! Sneeze on him! Announcer: And here comes the mucus.
Oh, no! No, no! No, no, no, no, no! Ah-choo! Ah-choo! Ah-choo! Looks like we've got a new challenger.
It's some sort of child.
My turn.
Uh-oh, kid.
Hammy gonna sneeze ya.
[Chanting.]
Sneeze on him! Sneeze on him! [Laughing.]
Sneeze on him! Sneeze on him! Sneeze on him! Sneeze on him! [Crowd cheering.]
Yeah! [Laughing.]
Sticky.
Announcer: Looks like we've got some collateral damage on the sneeze front.
[Laughter.]
Buck up, pal.
Think of the sports.
[Grunting.]
[Hammy screams.]
Announcer: Ouchies.
[Laughter.]
That was fun.
[Buzzer.]
[Both gasp.]
- Huh? Is the game over? - No.
It's only halftime! [Crying.]
Oh, we are hosed.
- Can we go home? - Yes.
- That was fun.
- Yeah.
Who would've thought sports could be so fun.
We should go to another sports tomorrow, - if Belson's dad lets us.
- Oh, shoot.
We forgot Oh, no.
We're good.
I got my finger right here.
[Both laugh.]
Yeah, just just please, please don't pick my nose again.
[Flies buzzing.]
I hate sports.
Early to bed Early to rise Pickin' my nose