Comic Book Men s03e12 Episode Script

All right, I did it.
I bought the costume.
What costume? The one my wife wanted.
To jump start or reignite some flames? - Yeah.
- It's not Mr.
burns and smithers, is it? - No.
- Which one is it, then? I mean, if you don't want to say If it's too, you know, - personal - Uh Han Solo and slave Leia.
How does slave Leia costume fit ya? I just ordered it.
It's not here yet.
What about you guys? Me? I actually had a little theme going much like yours, except she was slave Leia, and I was Jabba.
Because I'm more realistic than this guy, right? Or he could have special-ordered Uncle Owen and aunt Beru.
Hello, nd welcome back to another episode of comic book men The only show that can't wait to see a Clint Barton, Katniss Everdeen, and Oliver Queen all-arrow orgy.
I'm your host Kevin Smith.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Mike Zapcic.
- Ming chen.
All right, gentlemen, what is going on in the world of freaks and geeks? Hey, man, when did this picture get added to the wall? I think Mike put it up there.
Wasn't me.
- Do you know who that is? - No.
Who is that? It's triplicate lass.
She can split herself into three exact versions of herself.
But my real question is, could you handle that? Three at one time? Yeah.
I think I could handle three.
You are so full of yourself, man.
I don't think any of us, at this stage of our lives I think I could handle three, especially now I'm feeling strong now.
- "Especially now.
" - Why now? I don't know lately I've been feeling real good about myself.
'Cause he's all charged up from the last two years of his one wife giving him none.
- How you doing? - Hi.
How's it going? - What can we do for you today? - Well I'm looking for the first appearance of hobgoblin.
That's amazing Spider-Man 238.
We do happen to have the book.
You want to run up there and grab it for her? - No problem.
- So what you're interested in picking it up.
Yeah.
I'm interested to start my own comic-book collection, so I thought, "hey, let's start with first appearances.
" Okay.
Why hobgoblin? He does have a following, but I never understood what it was.
He's just a second-rate green goblin.
The poor man's green goblin is what you call it.
You know, I think he's a little bit more contemporary than green goblin.
I grew up with the cartoon, and he was kind of a mean feature in the cartoon.
I remember when the hobgoblin issue came, 'cause it was like, "a brand-new goblin! He's gonna be "He's like the green goblin but metal!" "He's gonna be amazing!" I could tell from that level of excitement, you didn't consider the hobgoblin just a second-rate green goblin? The idea of, like Norman osborn had passed on in this run of the comics.
The idea of bringing back a goblin and then just changing it up I was like, this book should have goblins on every page, man! I want green, hob, knob.
I want lots of goblins in this book, man.
Not only does amazing Spider-Man 238 have the first appearance of the hobgoblin, but there was a special insert put in there called "tattooz," with a "z," that makes the book, with the tattooz, really valuable.
That's great.
Without the tattooz, a little less valuable.
Should I wrap it up? I mean, it's got everything you're looking for Nice condition, fair price.
All right, um Can I take a look at it for a second? $94 is a little bit steep.
What about $60? $60 without the tattooz maybe.
$60 with the tattooz never.
The absolute best I could do with the tattooz would be $75.
All right, well What if we offered you something else in exchange to bring the price down a little bit more? A little trade? What do you got? All right.
Ooh, what's this? We have some sealed Batman boxes.
- Boxes? - Unopened.
- What's inside them? - I don't know.
It could be anything.
Where'd you get these? At a convention on Chicago in the early 2000s.
They were just giving them away at, like, a roulette wheel.
These boxes They're a mystery.
Could be worth hundreds.
Could be worth a dollar.
We don't know.
You were like Brad pitt.
You're like, "what's in the box? Oh, what's in the box?" So you want to put these to get the book down to what, then? - For the $60.
- Yeah That's a gamble on my part, then.
$60 cash and two mystery boxes.
What do you think? I think it might be worth the price just to see it.
All right will do 60 for the book.
All right, great.
You guys want to see what was inside What you guys gave up for only 30 buck oh All right, Batman logo - Batman logo.
- It's good, it's good.
It's in there tight, man.
Eh Who is it? I don't even know.
It's like, uh This must be, like, a Batman, like, variant? All right, well - This one's got to be better! - This one's got to be the one.
This one's got to be worth 30 bucks.
- Easy.
- You know what, man? I'm getting too nervous.
I want you to open it and just tell me what it is.
All right.
Yeah, you hold one end there you go.
No, no come on, don't rip Don't destroy the box! Forget it, man! Here we go.
Yeah! No? Ugh.
What? It's not even Batman! What is this Catwoman? It's Catwoman with giant mouse ears.
Yeah, that deal's off.
I'm sorry.
Here you go.
All right, guys.
Well, I mean It looks like at least one of us made out on the deal.
Yeah.
It was us.
- You think? - Losing your touch.
Have a great day.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.
This is the first Nintendo system ever out.
They go from $3,000.
These go for $3,000? Why is it they can never build a jail strong enough to hold the supervillains? It seems like they're always getting out.
Because they got to get out, or else there'd be no monthly adventures of your favorite superheroes, or else they'd just be sitting around because joker's still in jail.
What a great issue that would be! I realize that, but why can't he fortify Arkham, you know, maybe come up with some kind of technology? Let's frickin' keep him in there.
I think what you're saying is, like, they got to learn from their mistakes.
How many times does the joker get away before they're like, "oh, we got to try something different"? Why don't they just execute him? 'Cause of this, my friends.
This is why your favorite supervillains consistently break out of jail month after month.
That's all I had.
Excellent choice.
Thank you.
- Thanks very much.
- All right.
- Hello.
- How you doing? Do you guys happen to buy vintage video games? Not really, no.
Well, perhaps I'll show you this anyway.
This is the first Nintendo systems ever out.
This is the game and watch, right? - You got it.
- Remember these? Now, these are cool.
You'll see all the foundations of the first Nintendo entertainment system and the DS and the Game Boy in these games.
Is Nintendo still in business? I think so.
- Are they really? - Yeah.
You never heard of the Wii, perhaps? - It's a growing industry, this video - game thing.
Mm Look at the graphics.
It's barely a graphic.
It's just like a square.
But back then, that's all you had.
So why are you trying to sell 'em today? I have my first child on its way.
- Congratulations.
- Why, thank you.
I figure some of my toys would go to pay for his.
Even his crappiest toys will be more advanced than this stuff.
Yeah, right? It was almost like a museum piece to me.
And, you know, as an avid gamer myself Would you be that excited to see someone bring in pong? I actually would have been excited to see some guy bring in pong.
It doesn't take much.
It was just a piece of gaming history.
You could play, like, donkey Kong on it.
Donkey Kong introduces Mario.
Mario is still alive and vital today within the multi-billion dollar gaming industry.
If you think about it, remember how the Simpsons started on the Tracey Ullman Show, but nobody remembers that part? Donkey Kong's kind of like the Tracey Ullman of video games.
So what are you looking to get for donkey Kong ii? - I'm looking for 200 each.
- For an old game? This is a piece of gaming history, man.
This is like The Hulk 181 of Bullcrap, The Hulk 181! - It is, right? - Absolutely.
This is The Hulk 181 of video games, - handheld video games? - Yes.
So, if we could sell it for $200, what do you think is a fair offer? I would say 100 bucks.
- No way.
- No? You wouldn't pay $100? I'm not paying triple figures.
You don't have to worry.
I won't sell it for $100.
- Really? - Yeah, these things They have value, and they go for a lot of money on the net.
Why'd you bring them in here? You can just go right to your precious net.
I thought the secret stash, you know, was, you know Prided itself on rare items.
Yeah, you thought, you know, maybe the people who worked here were a little more open-minded.
- It's not about open - minded.
It's about we don't have enough cash to buy every piece of merchandise that comes through the door.
No, I understand that, but it's also like, "I never heard of this.
I never saw this.
This is worthless.
" I've heard of donkey Kong.
I know what it's about.
Yeah, but you never heard of the game and watch? They go from $3,000.
- These go for $3,000? - Absolutely.
You can flip this.
You know what? We're gonna have to decline on on the video game.
It's just not something for the stash.
Thanks for bringing it in, man.
I hope we didn't waste your time.
Not a problem.
But thank you.
I hate this.
There's a walk of shame right here.
- See you guys later.
- See you later.
- Take care, guys.
- All right.
What is with you, man? What do you mean what's with me? Those are cool items, man.
You want to be like a little super Mario? The toilet's been backed up for days.
Give you a couple gold coins if you go in there and fix the toilet.
Go get Mike, otherwise known as Luigi.
It's a me, Mario.
Name Dr.
strange's manservant.
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Yeah, along with this gum ball suck it.
I wanted an atari 2600, but my parents wouldn't go for it.
They're too expensive.
Finally, I guess my father tracked one one in the want ads with 12 games, and it was a reasonable price.
So we go to this house to pick it up, and what it turns out is the atari and the games were being sold as punishment to another kid who didn't do well in school.
And so the transaction was in the living room with the kid looking on and with another parent saying to the kid, "see? If you had gotten as, you would still have that.
" And it tainted the whole thing.
Wow.
- Wow.
- I mean, that's crazy.
There's a chance that that kid, now all grown up, could be watching this right now as you recount that tale He's like, "your family outing was my family ending!" Kind of slow in here.
Why don't we play a little comic-book trivia? We'll sweeten the pot a little or make it a little bit more interesting with gum balls.
All right, how? - I ask you comic-book trivia questions.
Get 'em wrong Stuff a gum ball in those jaws.
And you keep chewing gum balls for every wrong question you get.
And the loser is the guy who, "a," I can't understand your answer, or "b," you tap out like wusses.
And keep in mind these gum balls have been sitting here for at least five years, so they're nice and soft.
All right, fire away with the questions.
First question to Mike z.
Superboy has been a member of at least three super teams.
Can you name them? The legion of superheroes, the teen titans, and the ravers.
Correct.
Name Dr.
strange's manservant.
Ooh Come on! It's on the tip of my tongue.
Yeah, along with this gum ball suck it.
What's the answer? - Mike? - It's wong.
What's the magic word that Billy Batson has to say to turn into captain marvel? - "Shazam"? - Correct.
Look at me with no gum.
First appearance of lobo was in what issue? It was Omega Men number 6.
Mikey z, you have to eat a gum ball.
Oh! It was 3.
Put those dirty balls in your mouth.
Which teen character was not a friend of The Hulk Rick Jones, snapper carr, or Jim Wilson? Jim Wilson.
- Oh, my God, you're a fool.
- Was it Jim Wilson? It was snapper car oh What's wrong? Terrible.
In secret wars 2, Spider-Man taught the beyonder to "a," kiss, "b," bathe, or "c," to do number 2.
I'm gonna have to go with kiss, then.
- Mike, what was it? - Taught him how to take a crap.
- Yep.
- Ow! Mike, name Tarzan's son.
- Boy.
- Ooh.
I was looking for Korak.
Okay.
You're looking for the comics.
Have to go to the judges.
- Give him a ball.
- Yeah.
All right, ming.
Lockjaw Which is what you're on your road to right here - Yes.
- Is the member of what super group? Fearsome four.
- Oh, my God, you - Whoa - It's disgusting.
- Crap.
- Who all was it, Mike? - The inhumane.
The moon knight has a symbol on his chest.
What is it? I'm gonna say it's a Crescent moon.
Booyah.
Ming's in diabetic shock right now.
Mike, the official first appearance of the new teen titans was in what issue? DC comics presents Number 26.
Correct! The justice league of America Yes.
What was their first headquarters? What, like a building? It was a building.
- He wants the gum.
- What was it, Mike? - It was a cave.
- A cave? I don't remember the cave.
Has he gotten any questions right? - No! - No, not one.
And people are like, "why do you pick on ming?" He works in a comic-book store! I'll get the next one.
Let's move on.
All right, Bryan, super goof from Disney? - Mm - hmm.
What did he eat to turn into super goof? Was it "a," bananas, "b," candy, or "c," peanuts? Bananas way too phallic.
I don't think Disney's gonna allow him to eat bananas.
Uh, I'm gonna go with peanuts.
It was peanuts.
This could be it, right? Your last chance at redemption.
Are you ready? The werewolf by night's real identity is "a," Bruce banner, "b," Billy Batson, or "c," Jack Russell? "B", Billy Batson.
What an asswipe.
Even I know that! Even I know that! Are you not even trying? - I'm trying! - He wants the gum.
Eat the gum.
This is disgusting! Come on, goat boy.
_ what? _ I can still understand you.
_ can somebody get him a spittle cup? _ _ well, tap out, then, if you want to quit.
Shameful.
- I got something here.
- Let's take a look.
What is it? Samaritan Hellboy's gun, man.
Oh, hey, how you doing? How's it going, man? - What's up? - I got something here hopefully you guys'll be a little bit interested in.
Let's take a look.
What is it? Samaritan Hellboy's gun, man.
You a Hellboy fan? Uh, yeah, I like Hellboy.
I love Hellboy.
I mean, you have to be a huge Hellboy fan.
You love hell.
Can I open it up? - Yeah, absolutely.
- You want to open it up for me? Mike Mignola is a genius.
Have you guys ever seen the movies? I love the movies.
Whoa! If you want to check it out, here you go.
Yeah.
Is this one of the most famous guns in film history? I mean, there's that.
There's the one deckard uses in blade runner.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Dirty Harry's gun.
- Dirty Harry.
- I'd say Han Solo's blaster.
That's famous? - I don't know is it? Yeah, it's famous.
It's as famous as Deckard's gun or Hellboy's samaritan.
Hellboy's samaritan is the top gun in comic-book history.
I mean, generally comics don't feature guns that heavily.
Like, now that we're talking about it, I can't think of many famous guns in comics except one the most famous gun in comics, the replica they'll never sell Joe chill's gun the gun that kills Batman's parents.
- Oh, yeah.
- There's really no guns in comics for that Maybe not just that reason, but think about it.
Like, Batman the hero is predicated on use of a gun gone wrong, killing his parents and stuff.
So he swears it off.
So where'd you get this at? I actually got it by way of a flea market in Norfolk, Virginia Doing the rounds, trying to get, like, old issues of stuff, and this kind of caught my eye.
- You a big Mignola fan? - Absolutely.
All the dark horse stuff, all the B.
P.
R.
D.
, Hellboy, all his covers he did for early do and marvel stuff too.
I'm just gonna say it.
I think he's amazing.
What's your thoughts on Hellboy, Mike Mignola? Pretty much a genius, right? He's a great, great artist.
I dug the character of Hellboy, but I remember Mignola was a tough sell for me originally 'cause he did the covers for a death in the family, and he drew what I described as fat Batman, 'cause he was very thick and very jowly and stuff, and I was like, "I don't like fat Batman.
" And Walt was like, "this guy's a genius! This guy's an absolute genius!" And then he brought me to Hellboy when that first came out.
You were like, "look at this!" That character I put up there in the top five creator-owned characters in comic-book history.
So why are you looking to sell it today? Um, it's just a little It's a great piece, but it's a little Awkwar to be sitting on the coffee table.
It's something that doesn't really explain itself easily like a superman logo or a Batman cape or anything like that.
It is a, "hey, you have a gun on your coffee table.
" Okay.
What are you looking to get for it? In the neighborhood of 500 bucks.
- Ooh.
- That's a park Avenue neighborhood.
Um I think that's a little high for the piece.
Um Would you take $200 for it? There's no way I could take $200 for it.
- No? - Absolutely not.
Well, throw me another number, then.
Uh, let's see Comfortably $450? Comfortably? For you only.
How about $300? I can't go $300.
I can meet you at $400 easily.
$350? $380? $375? I can do $375.
- I guess we got a deal, then.
- Yeah.
All right, man, have a great day.
Thanks man.
All right, thanks.