Dog with a Blog (2012) s03e12 Episode Script

Uh, thanks for another perfect day, my love.
I know playing tug-of-war with Bennett's sweater is sort of a boy-dog game.
Next time we'll play a girl-dog game, like tug-of-war with Ellen's sweater.
Oh, it's great that you two lovebirds are having so much fun, but it's time for Princess to go home.
Avery, let me put this as calmly and rationally as I possibly can.
(Shouting) No! I'm sorry, Stan.
I told Heather we'd have her back by now.
I'll take her to the hole in the fence between our yards.
Adieu, my love.
I'll bark to you all night long from Avery's bedroom window.
You won't mind that, right? Stan, I should buy you a hat made of shoes, because you are obviously head over heels! (Laughs and snorts) Oh, my gosh, I'm turning into Mom.
Aww, look.
I guess being in love is exhausting.
(Snoring) Oh, it's like replacing the wheels on my bike, very "tiring.
" Oh, my gosh, am I becoming Mom too? Who's becoming me? Did someone say something charming, or did they develop a new muscle in their neck? Hi, kids.
Groom.
Groom.
What was that? Oh, it sounded like somebody said "groom, groom.
" It was "vroom, vroom!" Tyler was teaching me how to drive.
And we're starting with the sounds a car makes.
Vroom vroom! (Mimicking cars speeding) Oh, that's the police pulling us over because Avery started driving too fast.
What can I say, officer? I've got 400 horses under this hood and I got to let 'em run free! Honey, in real life if you get pulled over, just cry.
I'm so sorry, officer, it's just the car, the kids, and my husband is an ogre.
Would you rather I pay the ticket? Well, the thing is, Ellen, it's really uncomfortable when you do that and I'm in the car.
Wow! That was way too close.
Stan, wake up.
Huh, what? You were sleep talking.
You've never done that before.
This is terrible.
Yeah, Mom and Dad heard you.
If someone finds out you can talk, you'll be taken away and experimented on.
That's my worst fear.
That, and having a slip-and-fall accident while I'm alone.
That's why I signed up for this medical alert service.
(Beeps) Jerry: (On device) Stan, are you okay? Sorry, Jerry, just testing it out.
(Beeps) Don't worry.
I'm sure the sleep talking was just a one-time thing.
(Snores) Groom.
Tyler, Stan's secret could get out.
I know.
And on top of that, the car is rolling down the street 'cause you didn't put it in park.
(Mimicking car crashing) (Beeps) Jerry, I think I've just been in an accident! I've been talking in my sleep, so from now on, I'm gonna have to avoid falling asleep in all my usual places where people can see me.
The house, the patio, a patch of grass, during a football game, at the Rose Bowl.
Until we figure out what's making you sleep talk, you cannot fall asleep in front of Mom or Dad.
I hate to say this but should we get out the crate? Good idea.
We'll crate your parents.
It's not cruel.
They'll feel cozy in there.
Hey, Dad, can I ask you a question about talking in your sleep? Why? What did you hear? Was I talking about July 9th, 1983 at summer camp? Because nothing happened.
Not you talking in your sleep, just sleep talking in general.
You know, as a prominent psychologist, not as an ex-camper who, and I quote, "Learned about muskrats the hard way.
" So, somniloquy Yes, a very interesting topic.
You see, sleep-wake transitions are controlled by the brain's reticular activating system.
Stan: Listening to this makes me sleepy.
Wow! What a wake up call! So what causes sleep talking? Well, typically it comes from stress.
Stress? Yes, when you can't resolve something in your waking hours, you will try to resolve it in your sleep.
So boring.
neurotransmitters within the brain.
They release certain touch You know what I do to relieve stress? I pet my dog.
I pet him vigorously.
Well, that does look relaxing.
Hey, let your old man in on that.
I wonder if it'd bother them to know I've been rolling around in possum guts.
Eh, they'll figure it out when they find the tooth.
Do you kids want to go play outside? I'd like to do my neck exercises.
And it can be a little frightening for the uninitiated.
(Groans) We can go outside and make dirt friends.
He makes dirt into beautiful human shapes.
Then he names them and makes up amazing stories about their lives.
And then I smash them.
Let's do something crafty and colorful.
Let's do something we can smash.
I know what's both! Pinatas! Stained glass windows.
I mean pinatas.
Pinatas it is.
I'll help you get set up.
I'm glad your problems are easy to solve.
I still don't know what to get Bennett for our anniversary.
Last year I just got him a t-shirt that said "I'm with my favorite lady," but he only wears it when he goes to lunch with his mother.
Dad said sleep talking is usually due to stress.
What are you stressed about, Stan? Nothing.
I couldn't be happier.
I have Princess, a loving family, and movie star good looks.
And a piece of glitter on my tooth.
When you were asleep, you were saying "groom, groom.
" I know you hate being groomed, but maybe you know you need it and that's causing you stress.
I know how stressed I get if my hair isn't up to International Elite Secret Hair Club standards.
What's International Elite Secret Hair Club? Nothing.
I've said too much.
Well, if you think it'll get me to stop sleep talking, you can groom me.
And I'll try not to put up a fight this time.
Hey, that wasn't so bad.
It's worth it to solve your sleep talking problem.
That's easy for you to say.
You don't have a video conference tonight with the International Elite Secret Never mind.
Groom, groom.
Doghouse.
Doghouse? Just 'cause I finished the ice cream I'm still in the doghouse? Hope you enjoyed that Rocky Road 'cause you're on one now.
Good one, Ellen.
Stan, I've been looking for you! Doghouse.
Who's that? What? Bennett, you have dog breath.
Oh, did you eat kibble? Tyler, what's going on? Stan, it's gotten worse.
You're not just sleep talking, you're sleep walking now.
All right, now get out of here.
There's something important I have to do.
Let's buy Tyler a car.
Tyler doesn't need a car.
I know.
Dang it! Guys, this is serious.
Stan's now sleep walking, which means he's taking his sleep talking all over the house.
We know where this could end.
Sleep rodeo.
The most dangerous kind of rodeo.
Stan, your secret is this close to being found out.
You've never sleep talked or walked before.
Or sleep rodeo'd.
Right.
So we have to figure out why you're doing it now to make it stop.
First you said "groom" and then "doghouse.
" What do they mean? Maybe I want a doghouse.
No, Stan.
Sleep talking is like a dream.
Things have deeper meanings.
So "doghouse" probably doesn't mean doghouse.
Let's say the first one to figure it out gets a prize.
This isn't a game, Tyler.
She's right.
We need to make it a game.
No.
No, no, no.
No, no.
We need to think.
Why did Stan say "doghouse"? "In the doghouse" means being in trouble.
Good, Tyler.
Yes! I'm on the board! I'm winning! Still not a game.
Maybe not to you, but our studio audience is loving it.
Whoo! Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! All right! Go, Tyler! Ow! Stan you also said "groom.
" A doghouse doesn't have anything to do with "groom.
" Unless you were growling, and then said "room.
" Like "grr-room.
" That actually works.
Hey, maybe you're stressed because you don't have your own room like everyone else in the family.
Room, doghouse.
Maybe you want a doghouse.
Hey, I said that to begin with! I win! Now let's see what you've won.
Oh, please be a boat! Please be a boat! A bunch of girl clothes! Yeah, not really my style, but I guess I can put them in a big pile and roll around in them.
(Laughing) You're actually doing it? I thought that was just a joke.
Oh, I don't joke about rolling around in stuff.
I take that very, very seriously.
I'm done with my pinata.
Me too.
It's Abraham Lincoln.
I'm just gonna smile like I do when grown-ups say things that don't make sense.
Well, let's see yours.
What the what? I was trying to make a lizard, then I got distracted, then this happened.
How can you be so much better than me at this? I'm better than you at everything.
I'm good at turning stuff into other stuff.
That reminds me, where's your bathroom? Hey, how's it going in here? Wow! Chloe, your pinata is amazing.
It looks exactly like the Notre Dame cathedral.
Well, actually It's so much better than this lump with the hat.
Poor Mason.
Yeah.
Can you believe he made this? Whoo! But yours is so wonderful.
I just had a great idea.
Can you make a pinata for me to give to your Dad for our anniversary? I want to fill it with breath mints because I love your father, but I also like breathing and last night I almost stopped.
Pinata, huh? How can I say no? How can I say no? How can I say no? Hi, Chloe's mom.
Do you like my pinata? I was trying to make a lizard.
Well, it is the best lizard I've ever seen.
Your mom is lucky she's pretty.
Stan: All right! A doghouse that expresses my individuality.
And there's room for all the clothes I won! You did not win my clothes, Stan.
And you don't even wear bikinis.
Only when I'm on a yacht with rappers.
Look at me! I'm giant Tyler! If only I could find a giant comb.
You went out and bought a tiny doll comb just so you could do that bit? No.
This is my eyebrow comb.
Stan, I just hope that having your own space will keep you from being stressed so that you'll stop sleep walking and talking.
Don't worry, Avery.
I'm sure it will.
(Snoring) Princess.
I sing a song of latte Pairs nicely with biscotti The few of the litter We've looked everywhere I can think of.
If Stan's not here, I don't know what else to do.
Why are all these people here? They're having a spoken-word poetry slam.
I thought poetry was just something they made up for school.
Like Calculus or English.
Now I ain't got nothin' Like a doll without stuffin' Coffee house Why you gotta change your muffin? Bring back maple! There he is! Oh, no, he's on the stage.
Thanks for coming.
We're gonna take a quick intermission.
We have muffins at the concession stand.
But no maple! Princess! Princess Charming Why can't the girl's kiss wake the prince? Flipping the fairy tale does not make me wince Thanks.
Stan, you were sleep walking again.
You spoke in front of everybody at the Poetry Slam.
Really? Did I bring the knowledge? You almost gave away that you're a talking dog.
It's getting worse.
You're walking into public to sleep talk now.
Why can't I be Beauty and she be the Beast? Lemons and limes, nickels and dimes Until my Princess Charming comes I'll just be here dropping rhymes All right.
Wow.
This is how you start a movement.
This has to be solved.
Okay, here's what you've said in your sleep: "groom," "doghouse," and now "princess.
" Wait, I think I know what this means.
If you win a boat, Avery, can I go on it? I'll wear my bikini! Think about what you're saying in your sleep.
I think "groom" is because Princess is so well-groomed.
She's a show dog.
You feel inadequate.
Like you're always in the "doghouse.
" Saying "Princess" is the last piece of the puzzle.
She's the reason that you've been stressed out.
No, there's nothing wrong with Princess.
Aside from her having a bad case of the beautifuls.
But I already got it, so we're cool.
Stan, if Princess is the reason that you're sleep talking, you have to stay away from her to protect yourself.
Hey, look, I know that you love her, but we love you and we don't want anything to happen to you.
If being with Princess causes that, is it really worth it? I do love Princess.
I don't care what it costs me.
I don't even care if you're right.
There's no way I'm staying away from her.
Where were you? At the Poetry Slam.
I never knew I had so much to say about feminism.
Those chicks ate it up! Happy anniversary, honey.
I got you that necklace you ordered, had gift wrapped, and then put on my dresser with a note that says "Give this to me in the morning.
" Oh, a necklace! Thank you so much, honey.
This is so much better than the barbecue tools you got me last year on your own.
And I had Chloe make us a pinata! Oh, honey.
That's wonderful.
You got me something that you didn't spend any money on.
Ta-da! Wow! This is incredible! It looks just like us.
Chloe honey, this is amazing work.
What you are saying is the truth.
You are so talented.
That is also something you were saying.
And it means so much to us because you made this with your own two hands.
So many words are happening right now.
What's amazing about it is how much love she put into it.
Oh, and the amount of hours to do this? Oh, can you believe it? I mean, we knew she was a sweet girl, but this kind of talent Stop! I can't take it anymore! I didn't make your pinata.
Mason did.
He's a genius.
Sweetie, why did you feel the need to take credit for someone else's work? Well, Mommy was saying how good his pinata was, and how bad mine was and I just Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to criticize something you did.
I thought I was making fun of another child's work behind his back.
Ellen, how could you have said anything bad about something that Chloe made with her own Oh, boy.
I mean, sweetie, this is a very good It's Abraham Lincoln.
Oh, boy.
Chloe, sweetie, listen.
Not everybody can be good at everything.
And that's okay.
I mean, you are good at so many things.
I guess.
And I guess it's nice that Mason's good at something.
We have to hold our spot as the third grade's number two power couple after Olivia and Gabriel.
She wears pretty dresses and he'll lick the window for a quarter.
Mason: Help! I'm stuck.
Mason? Where are you? Mason: I don't know.
It's dark in here.
He must be inside the pinata! Mason, can you breathe in there? Mason: Only through my nose and mouth.
I know what we're gonna have to do.
And it's gonna be awesome.
I got my pinata stick.
No, no, no, no You can't do that! This is a beautiful pinata! And there's a little boy in there.
We'll have to break it apart carefully.
Help! It's still stuck.
Oh, Mason.
Oh, honey.
Mason, we thought you were in the pinata.
This is a symbol of our love.
Thank goodness we didn't have to smash it open.
You mean like this? No! No! (Screams) No! No! Smash! You know what, it doesn't matter that Pinata Us is destroyed.
Because what we have is gonna last forever.
Marrying you was the best decision I ever made.
Oh, Bennett, before I married you, I always felt like something was missing.
But now I have everything I could ever want.
That's it.
I know why I'm sleep talking.
Oh, good, breath mints.
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
After last night, you really need these.
Stan, what's going on? Jerry called us and said there was an emergency on the patio.
Jerry: Stan, I'm beginning to think maybe you're abusing the service.
No, Jerry.
I just really like talking to you.
Oh, I really like talking to you too, Stan.
You know, my girlfriend just broke up with me and Yeah, that's great.
Gotta run.
(Beeps) Avery, you were right.
My sleep talking is about Princess.
But you were wrong about the other clues.
"Doghouse" means I want to make a home with her.
"Groom" means I want to marry her.
You want to get married? Sorry, Tyler, I love Princess.
But dogs don't get married.
Exactly.
The talking, reasoning part of me wants to take things to the next level with Princess.
But dogs don't have a next level.
That's what was making me stressed.
But when I saw your parents earlier talking about their marriage, it all made sense.
(Barks) Princess, I've decorated the patio with your favorite toys and treats because there's something very special I want to ask you.
I love you and the thought of not being with you forever has been too much for me the last couple days.
Princess, will you marry me? She said yes! She loves me.
We're getting married! Well, I'm engaged and it's the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
The kids are really excited about the engagement.
Tyler even performed a poem for us.
Where will they register? This missus and this mister A department store with a doggy door Or are you more fond of Bed, Bone, and Beyond? That was "If Dogs Could Get Married" Sign the petition over by the muffins.
But still no maple!