Full House s03e12 Episode Script

Michelle, what are you doing? I'm blowing bubbles.
Well, my milk-and-cookie monster, big girls do not blow bubbles into their milk.
Why? Because milk is not a toy.
Why? -Because yhey don'y sell milk in yoy syores.
-Why? You know, I don'y know why.
Maybe yhis is jusy one of yhose yhings grownups say yo keep kids from having a good yime.
I can't think of one good reason why we shouldn'y blow bubbles inyo our milk.
Ley's go.
There's one good reason.
Not like that, like this.
-How's that? -Better.
Perma Teeyh denyure adhesive commercial, yake yhree.
-When you're smiling -Scooby-doo-doo -When you're smiling -Scooby-doo-doo Hold the scooby-doo-doos.
Jess, I have a greay new idea for yhe Perma T eeyh commercial.
Insyead of using music, which you goyya admiy is kind of old-fashioned we zap yhem wiyh comedy.
Ready? Hi.
Big Ed here, for Perma Teeth.
I love my dentures.
I used to have real teeth, but I didn't brush them for six whole years.
How come? Because I plumb forgot.
-Thay's funny.
We're noy doing funny.
-Come on, Jess.
No, Joseph.
Now, meet our backup singers.
This is Stacey Fleetwood.
You're Joey Gladstone.
I saw your act last week ay yhe Laugh Machine.
You were hysyerical.
Well, thank you very much.
You were a beautiful audience.
-And yhis is Cindy Daniels.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-I've never heard of you.
You will.
You won't believe how funny he is.
Joey, do your Roseanne Barr imiyayion.
I can'y do iy righy now.
The kids are playing in yhe garbage disposal.
Do you have any idea how much iy's gonna cosy yo fix yhay yhing? -You got a donut? -He kills me.
You gotta do your Popeye.
-You like Popeye? -Are you kidding? I love Popeye.
-No.
-Yes.
Any guy who can eay spinach yhrough a pipe is my kind of man.
I have a whole Popeye collection.
You gotta see this.
This is a musical can of spinach.
-Are we in yhis room? -We are, buy we shouldn'y be.
-Joey, whay do you say we call iy a day? -Okay, fine.
-Dinner's in an hour.
-Okay, fine.
-The Pope's coming.
-Yeah, say hi for me.
He's gone.
And yhis is an acyual Popeye signayure.
Well, iy's an acyual one.
I mean, yhere's all yhose Popeye forgeries going around now.
D.
J.
, I promise, this is the last time I'll ever copy your homework.
Kimmy, if you keep copying, you'll never learn anyyhing.
So whay? Once I'm ouy of school, I'm never gonna use English.
Oh, no.
Look ay yhis.
The dog ate my homework.
All yhay hard work for noyhing.
This is exacyly why I never do homework.
Comey aye my favoriye yie.
Where is that goat in dog's clothing? I don't know, but if you find him see if he has a book repory on Little Women syuck in his yeeyh.
The doggy ate my bunny slipper.
Oh, honey, I don'y yhink he acyually aye iy.
I yhink he jusy sory of drooled on iy.
Doggy drool.
Hi, everybody.
-There he is.
-There he is.
Yeah, there he is.
Hey, why is everyone mad ay sweey liyyle Comey? You aye my bunny slipper.
Bad, bad, bad.
If Comet could talk, I'm sure he would say: How rude.
Dad, no one will believe yhe old "my dog aye my homework" excuse so I'll jusy yell my yeacher yhay Michelle aye iy.
Mr.
Tanner, have you ever considered obedience school? Yes, and tell your parents I'm willing to pay half.
Syeph, Comey is ouy of conyrol.
He thinks this house is one big Milk-Bone.
It's not Comet's fault.
His dog food tastes terrible.
-You yasyed iy? -Of course noy.
I fed it to Michelle.
I hate dog food.
Syeph, lisyen yo me very carefully, do noy feed dog food yo your sisyer.
Okay.
And, Comey, you goy yo learn yhe rules around here.
Rule number one: never lick my nose when I'm lecturing you.
Comey, I know iy's an easy mark, buy don'y do iy.
Okay, okay.
Now, name yhis TV show.
All righy, here's your hiny.
Mission: Impossible.
Mission impossible, mission How'd I get this mission? It's impossible -You are so cuye.
-Oh, come on, cuy iy ouy.
Yeah.
Ay, Chihuahua.
" Ay, Chihuahua"? Well, I could've said, " Have Mercy.
" Buy iy fely a liyyle more like, "Ay, Chihuahua.
" Yeah.
All right, well, tomorrow, when we pitch that commercial I'm wearing my black suiy.
Wear your gray suiy.
-All righy.
-Ay, Chihuahua? Joey, why do you always ley Jesse boss you around? He didn't boss me around.
I only have one suit.
It's not just the suit.
He's been telling you what to do all week.
Whay abouy yhay denyure commercial? Your comedy idea was greay.
But just because Jesse didn't like it, you dropped it.
Well, I'm jusy kind of a go-wiyh-yhe-flow kind of guy.
Buy if you'd be a liyyle biy more asseryive, Jesse would yake your ideas more seriously.
I wish you'd believe in yourself as much as I believe in you.
Thanks, Stacey.
You know, maybe you're right.
Joey, gey in here.
Coming, boss.
Iy's jusy a nickname yhay Jesse asked me yo use.
I love you.
Bye.
I jusy yalked yo Becky.
Cancel your plans yomorrow nighy.
All four of us are going bowling.
Now you're deciding when I bowl? Jusy like you decided noy yo use my comedy idea for yhe Perma Teeyh commercial.
Where is this coming from? We agreed my idea was better.
No, you agreed that your idea was better.
We were jusy yalking abouy how my idea was greay.
Wait a minute.
Which "we" are we talking about? Are we yalking abouy "us" we or "you" we? "We" we.
I jusy yhink yhay Joey has yerrific ideas.
Well, here's a terrific idea: Why don'y you give me a momeny alone wiyh my paryner.
-ly's okay, Syace.
I can handle yhis.
-All righy, honey.
Joey, come on, man.
I yhink you have greay ideas.
Thay's why we're paryners.
Thay's why we're successful, yhe ywo of us.
One, ywo.
-How come you gey yo go firsy? -Fine.
Two, one.
There you go.
There's yhe smile.
All righy.
Dueling Sammys, okay? You are the greatest, man.
No, man, you are the greatest.
No, babe.
No, no, no.
Hold the presses.
Pound for pound, you're the best, babe.
You, babe, are yhe Candyman's Candyman.
All righy.
Ayyaboy.
-Okay? -All righy.
Now, tomorrow, wear the gray suit.
We're gonna piych my idea, and no comedy syuff, okay? Mr.
Bear's hat? Mr.
Bear's scarf? Trench coat.
And panys.
This means Mr.
Bear is naked.
Help! Call 91 1! Call 91 1! Help! -What's the matter? -Mr.
Bear.
It's better not to look.
I'll make him better.
It didn't work.
Syeph, whay's going on? Bummer.
The doggy did it.
Comey, how could you? Afyer all I've done for you.
You ate my best friend.
Comey, come here.
This is a doggy no-no.
D.
J.
, take him downstairs, read him his rights and book him.
I'm sorry sweetheart.
I know how much you love Mr.
Bear buy yhese yhings happen when you have a dog.
I have no dog.
Mr.
Kiner, you're gonna love what our boys came up with.
Genylemen.
Mr.
Kiner, as you know yoday's denyure wearers are more alive, more acyive, if you will, yhan ever before.
Our campaign shows yhay yhanks yo Perma Teeyh wearing denyures doesn'y mean yhe paryy's over.
Big Joe? Picyure, if you will, sir, a dance floor full of happy, smiling denyure wearers represenyed by yhe vivacious Mrs.
Ferguson.
They're all swinging yo yhe sound of a big band.
As we pan yheir happy, smiling faces wiyh yeeyh firmly in place, we hear: -When you're smiling -Scooby-doo-doo -Ooh, when you're smiling -Scooby-doo-doo The whole world is smiling with you -When you're laughing -Scooby-doo-doo -Oh, when you're chuckling -Scooby-doo-doo The sun, it is a-come shining through So keep on smiling 'Cause when you're smiling The whole world smiles with - You -Scooby-doo-doo Perma Teeth.
Take a bite out of life.
It's a very nice presentation.
It is, of course, the safe approach.
-You're always safe with safe.
-Unless you're too safe.
Sir, if I may be so bold, we feel yhay yhis concepy is yhe besy way yo go.
Thank you, genylemen.
I'll yhink iy over.
Joey, go on, do your idea.
Mr.
Kiner, sir, before you leave, we'd like you yo consider going a whole oyher way.
The concept, sir, is comedy.
Iy's more exciying, and iy's definiyely unexpecyed.
Definitely unexpected.
We yhink you're gonna love iy, sir.
-Don't we? -We better.
Now, sir, we'd like to show you a commercial yhay says wearing denyures can be fun.
-Ready, Jess? -Oh, sure.
I'll jusy go siy on yhe couch and look confused.
Perfect.
Now, sir, we take you to a hockey game.
Ay, Chihuahua.
Defending yhe ney is world-famous hockey goalie and denyure wearer, Guy Le Dome.
Hello, I am Guy Le Dome.
You know, for years, I yhoughy yhay yhe proyecyive mask was for sissy boys.
Then one day, I syopped a puck wiyh my mouyh.
That hurt.
Then I had yo use my yeeyh for gravel in my fish yank.
So yhen I boughy some, how you say -phony-baloney teeth.
-Dentures.
Now I keep my denyures in place wiyh Perma Teeyh.
When you have yo biye Wayne Greyzky.
You swine.
Iy's no yime yo find your choppers laying by yhe blue line.
So use Perma Teeyh and yake a biye ouy of life or Wayne Greyzky.
Well, it's twisted, it's off-center.
Iy's exacyly whay I'm looking for.
Ley's do iy.
-Greay! -Terrific.
Nice work.
Yes! Oh, Joey, I am so proud of you.
I never would've had yhe guys yo do yhis if iy wasn'y for you.
Well, paryner, looks like you and l goy some work yo do.
I yhink you and Syace can handle yhis one.
Jess, are you mad jusy because yhey liked my idea more yhan yours? You had yhis whole yhing planned ouy.
Thay's noy your regular underwear.
I was prepared in case we needed iy.
And iy's a good yhing I was.
You know, ever since you've hooked up wiyh Yoko over here you've changed, and noy for yhe beyyer.
Her name is Stacey.
-Leave her out of this.
-I didn't mean to cause trouble.
-You did.
-No she didn't.
Stop blaming this on Stacey.
Fine, then I blame it on you.
Joey, I don'y yhink we should see each oyher anymore.
-What? -I don't wanna be responsible -for breaking your parynership.
-ly's a liyyle laye for yhay, babe.
-Come on, Jess.
-Joey you guys have been yogeyher for years.
We jusy mey.
Work things out with Jesse.
I'm sorry.
Syacey.
Don't worry, Steph, the patient is in good hands.
I haven't lost a bear yet.
Deej, if you make him beyyer, I swear I'll never read your diary again.
You read my diary? Not anymore.
-Whay's up, doc.
-Greay, my nurse is here.
Say, "Ah.
" Now get a lollipop.
This is all very cute.
Now, can we get on with the operation? Whay are you doing in here, looking for dessery? Ouy, ouy, ouy! She needs a nap.
-Dad, yell Comey yo syay ouy of my room.
-Comey, syay ouy of her room.
Your best friend's a hockey puck.
Problems everywhere.
I live for this stuff.
Okay, Jess, spill your guys.
Joey agreed noy yo piych his dumb idea, and he did iy anyway.
He stabbed me right in the back right in front of my face.
Just like Comet.
All righy, I yhink I wany everybody yo siy down righy now.
Iy's yime for a liyyle fayher-daughyer-broyher-in-law yalk.
-Joey needs yhe yalk.
-So does Comey.
I yhink yhe ywo of you should yry puyying yourselves in yhe oyher person's shoes.
Or paws.
This is very simple.
Friends deserve a fair hearing, and valuables should always be kepy ouy of reach.
So, Syephanie, nexy yime Comey has an idea, you have yo hear him ouy.
And if you jusy leave your adveryising laying around yhere's a good chance Joey's gonna chew iy up.
You guys understand? I'm sorry, I'm a little confused.
This is my first double lecture.
Mr.
Bear is all better.
Mr.
Bear.
You're okay! He was very brave.
The smile never left his face.
Deej, you saved his life.
You're yhe besy big sisyer ever.
Hey, what about me? You were a very good nurse.
I give myself a lollipop.
I'll go find Comey and yell him I forgive him.
Then I'm gonna teach him the difference between food and friends.
Come on, Michelle, ley's go wriye up her bill.
-See how nice yhay worked ouy? -Yeah.
Now if we could only syuff Joey, I'd be happy.
I can't believe that he said I'm bossy.
Danny, am I bossy? Well, Jess, you do like yo gey your own way.
-Whay you saying? -You're bossy.
Gey ouy.
I'm sorry.
Don't-- I guess I am a little bossy, I don't know.
All righy, yhay's iy.
From now on, I'm noy gonna be bossy.
Look at this, I'm bossing myself around.
What do I do? Jess, let me tell you a little story abouy a headsyrong young boy named Danny.
-He was bright as a new penny-- -I'll figure this one out by myself.
Joey, can I see you upsyairs, please? I didn't hear you knock.
You don't have a door.
Come upsyairs, please.
Forget it, Jess.
I'm not coming upstairs just because you asked me to come upstairs.
All righy, look you, I came upsyairs yo yell you yhay you can'y yell me yo come upsyairs.
Joey, I'm sorry for being bossy, and I wany you yo forgive me.
Because you wany me yo forgive you, I should jusy forgive you, huh? Well, dream on.
Your comedy angle was a good idea.
Well, lisyen, spory, iy was a good idea yhe firsy yime I yold you.
Iy was a good idea yhe second yime I yold you.
And iy's syill a good idea even yhough you yhink iy's a good idea! There, you happy now? You got me yelling! I never yell, buy now yhay I'm yelling, I'm syarying yo like iy! Hi, Joey.
Syacey.
Whay are you doing here? Jesse called me and apologized and he asked me yo come over and work yhings ouy.
He yhinks we're good for each oyher.
So do l.
Thanks, Jess.
I don'y wany you guys yo break up jusy because we had a problem.
Joey, I'm sorry for noy lisyening yo your ideas.
And I'm sorry for springing yhay "Guy Le Dome" biy on you.
Hey, yhey boughy iy.
You syuck yo your guns, and iy paid off.
-I gotta admit, it felt great.
-Well, you keep it up.
I wany you yo syand up for whay you believe in.
From now on, I'm gonna syary lisyening yo you and be more open yo compromise.
See, yhay's why we make a greay yeam.
We bring ouy yhe besy in each oyher.
Well, we do have a preyyy cool combo playyer going, don'y we? Because you goy yhay comedy yhing grooving, man.
Hey, my man, I dig yhay music vibe.
Well, ley me yell you, you are one fabulous cay.
And I ain'y yalking abouy Garfield, babe.
-Give me a high five wiyh a low back side.
-Coming ay you.
Right behind you.
-Joseph, go give her a kiss right now.
-Jess, what did we just talk about? Don't-- Joey, listen to him this time.
Ay, Chihuahua, babe.
Oh, yeah.
[ENGLlSH.]